how to make an essay emotional

How to Write With Emotion and Make Your Readers Feel

by The Magic Violinist | 35 comments

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As writers, no matter what our goals are, there is something we should all strive to do: make our readers feel. Whether that feeling be hope, happiness, fear, or any number of other emotions, it can be achieved through masterful writing . That's how to write with emotion and make readers feel.

How to Write With Emotion

That is easier said than done, though, right? How can we turn our words into something so real, it gives the reader a punch to the gut or brings a smile to their face?

There are endless possibilities, but the seven easiest and most effective ways are:

• Write about what scares you.
• Write about what excites you.
• Write about what disgusts you.
• Write about what saddens you.
• Write about what fuels you.
• Write about what angers you.
• Write about what fills you with love.

Simple as that. When we write about something honest and real, our readers will feel what we’ve felt, so long as we conveyed that emotion in the most truthful way we know how. You don’t even have to be a non-fiction writer to use these techniques. Your fictional character can experience the same emotions in different ways.

Actors pull from their realities all the time to portray their characters accurately. Do the same thing in your writing.

3 Keys to Capture Emotion in Writing

There are a few additional tips you can keep in mind to help you with this.

1. Intense emotions come through the most.

In other words, the stronger the better. A little disappointment will not be felt as much as rage or grief. Amusement is not the same as glee or absolute joy. The most important things make us feel the most.

2. Don’t pour it on too thick.

While it’s true that deep emotions are felt the most by readers, you don’t want to go overboard. If your character constantly swings from despair to falling madly in love to shock, it will get old really fast. A little goes a long way. Give your characters a break to just be normal for a while so when a bombshell does hit, it hits hard.

3. Write a journal.

On the spot, it might be difficult to come up with memories or feelings to write about. Every emotion is most powerful in the moment. If you’re able to, anytime something intense happens that causes you to feel an extreme emotion, write it down as soon as possible . What triggered the sensation and how did it affect you? You can draw on those journal entries later.

One Final Thought: Keep It Real

Readers will be able to tell when you’re forcing something onto them. Don’t try to make a character’s reaction to an event bigger than it has to be. Nine times out of ten, the simplest way is the best way.

All in all, if you want readers to respond to your writing, remember to be simple, be honest, and be emotional.

What causes you to be moved by writing? Do you have other tips for how to write with emotion?  Let us know in the comments .

Write for fifteen minutes about someone who feels intensely. It can be in the form of a journal entry or it can be a character going through these emotions. Draw on memories to help you along the way.

When you’re finished, share your work in the comments , if you’d like. Don’t forget to give your fellow writers some love, too.

The Magic Violinist

The Magic Violinist is a young author who writes mostly fantasy stories. She loves to play with her dog and spend time with her family. Oh, and she's homeschooled. You can visit her blog at themagicviolinist.blogspot.com . You can also follow The Magic Violinist on Twitter (@Magic_Violinist).

35 Comments

Fabulous article, Magic Violinist. Good ideas here.

A great article! I could use this advice.

I write in French. I am at the end of my novel. In the old small car of her husband a woman of sixty years is heading to the place where was born the man she was in love with when she was eghteen. The husband was driving. As I said before, i write in French and the difficulty I am facing is the emotion I have to inject in my text to affect the reader.

Madani, above I mentioned buying THE EMOTIONAL CRAFT OF FICTION. C’est fantastique! In the scene you mention above, this book will give you exercises to help you express what each character is thinking and feeling and hiding. Par example, son mari de 60 ans, c’est the même que le beau? Si non, ce livre vous donne des exercises pour vous aider d’explorer des émotions de la femme au sujet de chaque homme.

Je vous remercie beaucoup pour l’information. J’espère en tirer profit. I started reading the book you mentioned ( The emotional craft of fiction). I am at page ten. I think it’s exactly what I want.

Fantastique!

True Story (All names changed to protect real people involved) It was a little before five o’clock on a Friday afternoon in June, one of those humid southern days when the vivid yellow sun was high in the cloudless blue sky when the summer from hell officially kicked off. I was finishing off my second full week at my first full time job almost a month removed from graduating from a local community college with an Associates Degree in Office Administration. My thumb was swollen and irritated from fourteen days straight of flipping through hundreds perhaps thousands of pages within files in the records department where I was stationed. I just met up with my contact to receive my first paycheck when things took an unexpected turn.

I’d been in contact with Mike Wakefield since early May, and still to this today we keep in touch once in a blue moon. I found it strange when I pushed through the fancy entrance door that rotated and Mike stood there with an uncertain look on his face. That wasn’t a good sign especially on a Friday afternoon. To a certain degree almost a year later, I understand, although, at least let the contracts run out before you decide to make a rash decision like this.

I had big plans for the weekend, after getting my first real corporate level job paycheck. I was also hoping to pay down some of my bills a little further, finally making strides. Anybody who’s worked in a minimum wage job while in school knows you cannot pay off anything major on a job with unstable hours.

“Will!” Mike finally said to me when I stepped outside feeling a light breeze, “It’s not going to be a good weekend in your home.”

I had been laid off. What do I do? How am I going to pay these bills? I have no experience except two weeks. I quit the old job with an intention of returning if I had too, worst case scenario. I was promised this, until the hiring manager I had it good with had gotten transferred. I was devastated.

Avoid too much explaining and redundancy (cloudless blue sky…) If you keep it honest and simple, the readers will be interested what had happened.

William this is not moving in any way. Your approach is off. Rewrite this in the now, either present tense, or if that’s too much, then the immediate past. But you need to scene-ify (TM) this don’t tell us about the experience, LIVE it. Then we’ll live it with you. Make stakes that are lost with this job loss not just not paying ahead on bills.

Excellent, I appreciate it. Recommended. Thank you very nuch.

For those serious about mining the depths of emotion, buy Donald Maass’s new book THE EMOTIONAL CRAFT OF FICTION. It is incredible. 206 pages of explanation and exercises.

Thanks for the heads up, Nancy.

Thanks for this reference, Nancy. I’m looking forward to receiving the copy I just ordered.

I stare at the wedding invitation that we have mutually agreed upon. It’s an ice-blue colored, embossed with rich, ivory letters of English Roundhand that pirouette across the marbled parchment like her steps when she performed the Swan Lake few weeks ago.

The card crackled like a dancer’s crinoline beneath my fingers as I lifted it up from a box. I touched a raised character, ran my fingertips lightly along a line, as the blind read braille. The ascenders and descenders formed graceful swirls as it rose up to meet my searching touch.

Feel this words, Kay. I said to myself. Yes, you can feel these words, do you ?

Half-believing, half-dreaming. I studied the words read in that formal lexicon peculiar to occassions that mark the steppingstones of life:

Elaine Marie Gainsborough And Kay Anderson Reinheardt

Invite you to share in their joy As they celebrate the solemnization of their marriage vows

At six P.M. on November the fifth

At the mansion of Reinheardt, Southend View, Beverly Hills, California.

I grazed the words again with my fingertips before I set it aside. The framed sky across me offering a beautiful view of golden light burst slowly engulfed by columns of white clouds. Forgive me, Sue. I whispered as soft breeze managed to reach my cheeks.

If only you said those words years ago, if only you told me before Elaine gave her all to me … Forgive me for I’m not able to sacrificed one, innocent soul just to feed my own desire.

I reached my phone and dive onto the picture album. I stared at the pictures of me and a dark-haired woman sharing hugs, smiles and kissess for a moment before I marked them all and the screen asking me if I want to delete them.

I choose to pressed the ‘yes’ button with a small, fragile hope that time will eventually erase those pictures from my mind as easy as my Iphone does.

Hi, Hindra, I like the overall descriptive elements of the piece. May I suggest editing some of the small grammar and verb tense anomalies to improve the flow?

HI, I love your beginning, and i am already even by the end of the first paragraph wondering what happened to bring you to the place that you are at that momment. Well done.

The morning rays slipped in from my bedrooms window. A cool breeze I could feel from the outside world was calming my mind and nerves from a nightmare before. I recalled the nightmare that happened last night and tried to understand it. I jumped in surprise as the door opened suddenly by my stepmom. “Hey, you lazy kid !! Get up and get yourself clean !!” she shouted at me who was whining. I could sense her anger rising as she stomped her way to me. She grabbed me by the collar and dragged me to the bathroom downstairs. “You smell like a garbage, you can’t take care of yourself don’t you !? “ she shouted at me. I felt sore all of my body. In the bathroom door, she swung me inside like I’m nothing. “I’ll gave you 10 minutes to get yourself clean. I have something to do with you.” She said with evil grin on her face. I jumped in surprise after she slammed the door shut.

I froze in fear hearing her words. I held my knees tight on my chest and started to whimper slowly. I had to wash myself clean before she would do anything worse to me than this. I took off my dirty clothes and hang on the hanger.

(Its difficult when your first language isn’t English, sorry for my bad English.)

Hi, Maulana, No need to apologise. Few of us have the talent to write in a second language, so you should be proud of your ability and determination. The story-line and descriptions are there as a framework, and I’m sure your eagerness to write will lead you to expand your expertise. It takes courage to share your work, so congratulations.

What do you think about my story ?

Hi, Maulana, I’m not an expert, so please ignore any of my comments if you want to. As I said, the framework is already there, so the reader can get an idea of what it’s about. It might help if you give names to the characters. This lets the reader identify with them and build mental pictures. And physical descriptions don’t need too much detail unless they are vital to the story–for instance: a 3-eyed snake, or someone with a wooden leg. The original article is about using emotion to make your readers feel what the character feels. My suggestion would be to avoid using the words like ‘feel, see, touch, hear, and taste’ Some quick examples: ‘The fresh morning breeze came through the open window. Her arm tingled as the tiny hairs stood up. She shivered.’. Or: ‘As she ran, the sharp stones dug into her bare feet and left a trail of blood’. Final suggestion which might help with the grammar and verb tense is to copy your story in your native language then paste it into the left-hand text box in Google Translator. (There might be a word limit.). At the top of the right hand box, choose the language to translate into (for example, English), and Google will translate it. Select all the text in the right hand box and copy it. Then paste it into a word processor so you can check it. You can also do that the other way round if you want. I’m not saying it’s perfect, but it might be useful. Hope it helps, and good luck with your writing.

Ok, Thanks ^-^

Maulina, I suggest writing in your native language. If you can draw attention there, you could hire a translator as I recently did. My debut novel is being translated into Salvadoran Spanish (not a huge difference from Spanish in other countries, but enough to give it the ring of authenticity). I have read published books by non-native writers & they were very convoluted even for me who taught ESL for 20 years. A great story will eventually get translated into other languages! My best to you! Sherrie

Hi, Magic Violinist and accompanying ensemble, Here’s a short extract from a Writing Skills course I completed 3 years ago. ** Cathy crouched one-legged twixt the windowsill and ladder. The moment her outstretched fingers touched the ladder’s cold metal upright, Cathy made her choice. She grasped the nearest rung with one hand while keeping a firm grip on the window frame with the other. Transferring her weight onto the hand holding the ladder, she extended her leg a few more inches. Fear gripped her innards as her sense of balance threatened to desert her. A scream formed deep inside her tightened gut. It strained to burst forth, but was stifled when her searching foot found safety on a ladder rung. Cathy paused to regain control. The ladder vibrated in sympathy with the pulsating throb of the muffled bass drum that had replaced her heart. Her body trembled and she almost wet herself. With both hands and both feet on the ladder, Cathy stabilised her position. Calmness returned. She started her descent. Rung by rung, she neared the ground, her confidence rising. Finally, she stood at the foot of the ladder. She’d done it. She was on her way to realising her dream, and no one could stop her now. Cathy took a step backward and turned to walk toward the park where her friends were waiting for her. “Cathy! What do you think you’re up to?” The forceful tone of the voice penetrated her nervous system like acupuncture needles, temporarily paralysing her movements. “D-d-dad?”…. **

I just wanted to tell you that I love these kind of posts on this blog. You do not hear from me much, but I follow this blog without fail. Keep up the great work!

OK, here goes….

Quiet, very very quiet…. A deep still has taken hold of me. My mind is refusing to form words. All I can do is to let my eyes absorb, like dried out sponges, the scene of beauty before me. I let it soak my soul, bringing refreshment and nourishment to the driest corners. The landscape around me is almost a quiet as my soul. As far as I can see, this way and that way, the wide open spaces whispers my name. The wind is calm now. Everything around me speaks of a peacefulness that is truly uncommon. I close my eyes and breathe slowly, as if to save the picture on the memory banks of my mind.

When the last time we went silvertion Colorado was amazing in 70, you would have walk across the shopping center and have beautiful afternoon then in Waco on hot evening where you can enjoy sunshine because it really too hot and you determined to go to Colorado some time soon and have amazing last time there before we go back into Texas. So please come check out silvertion Colorado is one best place, that for me made me happy and the times we been up there. So please come check silvertion Colorado out and hope you enjoyed it like we did

One day it was windy and feel nice in silvertion Colorado so when took a walk through the shopping center and had amazing and happy time. When were happy to be away from hot Texas. So when went to brown bear reasturant to eat and go to emporium store that had all stuff there. Silvertion Colorado is like our second home to escape from a hot weather in Waco Texas. So please come check out silvertion Colorado because it a beautiful place and you will be amazed how you like it.

I’ve felt this way before. It takes up all the space it can get. The constant sadness is almost too overwhelming, but I can’t help but feel this way. Not after what he did to me. The wind numbs my already cold skin. I can’t feel anything, and I wonder if this is what it’s like to be dead. I wonder if this is just the reality we’re not seeing. Or don’t want to see. All these happy, smiling kids around me. Kids my age, kids in my school. They can’t see it. Blind and oblivious to it. I have no one, not even the trees. As much as I admire them, they say I’m too selfish, too arrogant. And they left it at that which I suppose is okay. But it just hurts to be left alone now. It’s all I can do though. Since I have myself and the little people who like to live in my head, I have company. Not good company, but it’s better than silence. They bully me, the little people do. There’s thing I can do about it. I can’t see them, so I can’t run away and hide. I can’t feel them, so I can’t push them away. All I can do is hear them say nasty, dark, and cruel things to me repeatedly. When they come like running water though, I go outside. It’s the only thing I can do to make them stop. My parents know that. It’s usually at night, so the stars are out and bright, like glowing balls of hope to me. They talk, and say it’s going to be alright. But they don’t say a word when the clouds cover them. It’s like they secretly think I’m a freak like the rest of them. I don’t like say hate, but to be brutally honest, I hate that. And sometimes I hate being me.

‘The life of the party’ was what everyone who knew Mina said. ‘Her life is almost over, so if you want to see her, come now.’ is what my niece said on my voice mail the other day. I played it several times while the years flashed through my mind. I thought I was finished with her the first time and the last time I bailed her out of jail. I though I was done when she chose drugs over family. I vowed to never speak to her after after I received a letter from a department store informing me I owed a 500.00 dollar shoplifting fee. When she found out she had cancer she came and apologized for using my name, explaining she had not wanted to go to jail again. She cried and asked for my forgiveness. I gave it, of course I did, she was my baby sister and while I told myself I loved her, I knew I did not like her. Three years later as I listened to the voicemail and fought the urge to pretend I never heard it I knew I had to see her one more time.

Well done! This would be a great story! Either about Mina. Or about her sister, the narrator. Or both. The 1st sentence should end with “about her.” I’d love to know more. Keep writing! Sherrie

Once again he found himself in the same predicament as always full of self disappointment, one of his many feelings that had lately become all too familiar. His head hung low, draped heavily with self-disgust, as he held in his hands what remained of his last paycheck. “You want it or not man, …” muttered his dealer with impatience in his tone, “ … I dont have all day”. Momentarily struck by hesitation, he remained quiet for a few seconds before regretfully succumbing to his addiction, and handed the stranger exactly 47$. Hastily, he snatched the bag and shoved it into his pocket.

Although his house was only one block away, literally a 30 second trip, to him it felt like a walk of shameful guilt that would last a lifetime. Growing disheartened from self-disgust, his eyes remained locked on the floor beneath him and hidden from prying stares as he dragged himself down the sidewalk and into his house.

He stopped for a second as he walked into his bedroom and couldn’t help but to notice the heavy stench of stale cigarette smoke, old dirty laundry, and depression. Overwhelmed by everything always being in a complete mess: his room, his thoughts, and his life; he suddenly grew anxious and distraught and felt broken inside. Pathetic. Junkie. Worthless. That’s what he thought of himself.

What once worked as a coping mechanism for him, crystal meth, had now worsened his condition and tripled his problems, frustrations, and anxieties. Flustered by a sudden urge to breakdown, to cry, and to scream at the top of his lungs in hopes that he’d flood out the never ending bark of his guilt-stricken his conscience. Just another feeling that had lately become all too familiar.

I went down in the lift to the ground floor. As the doors opened, I saw the sign ‘Ryder Ward’. I walked down the corridor, wishing these damn butterflies would stop fluttering. I had no reason to be nervous after all I was 30 minutes early. I handed my appointment letter to a nurse and went to sit in one of the chairs in the corridor. I observed the nurse speaking to another nurse, and tensed. My gut was telling me there was something wrong, the butterflies had stopped but now I was trying to control my saliva. It was building up in my mouth – I was nauseous and I had no idea why. My heart beat faster and my hands started to sweat. They were clammy – ‘please don’t come and want to shake hands.’ I couldn’t calm my heartbeat and suddenly my eyes filled up. I couldn’t blink otherwise they would spill over. That would be embarrassing because I wouldn’t be able to explain. I’m starting to panic now – what do I do? My heart won’t slow down, I can’t blink, I can’t speak – my throat is dry, and now I’m hot – I want to take my clothes off to cool down. ‘Shit, the nurse is coming over, okay, calm down you stupid bitch. Don’t tell me to calm down. Okay, sorry, you’ve done this loads of times – you can do it. No I can’t! I know I can’t! I just do. You know what? Fuck it, I need to blink and if she thinks I’m weird so fucking what. Everybody thinks I’m weird anyway.’ I open my handbag to find a tissue and blow my nose loudly and wipe my wet cheeks.

The nurse stopped in front of me and introduced herself and asked if I wanted a drink. Grateful, I asked for water. She left, I let out a long sigh. I hadn’t even realised I was holding my breath. Okay I can breathe a bit now, my heart slowed down. The butterflies came back but were not fluttering in a frenzy, that’s okay, that’s normal. Thank God. My hands are still clammy and hot as am I. My eyes are still full – I can’t control them, and I still don’t know why. ‘Oh my god, here’s the nurse – okay stop crying, she’s got your water. Take a sip and feel it go down your tube. You’ll be fine.’ I mopped my cheeks and took the proffered plastic cup with care. I don’t want to squeeze it or let it slip through my hands. I took a sip, felt it going down, calming the butterflies and concentrated on my breathing. Nodding my thanks to the nurse, she left me alone again. That’s good – I don’t want to talk, not yet anyway.

The man’s eyes were tired; gone were the days where there was some kind of hope. Now he was clinging to remnants.

“I love you, Emaline,” and the words were pure and true. But no purity, and no truth, would ever bring a response. “I have always loved you.”

The words were clearly rehearsed: they carried the weight of having been said far too many times. And yet the words lost none of the love and none of the meaning.

“And I would die for you, Emaline -” and here the man paused, cleared his throat – “and I would endure this a thousand times if I just knew you here, Emaline. All I need to do is know.”

“If you would come back.” Another clearing of his throat. “If you would just come back. Emaline.”

And then again there was no response, and it was the end of the speech, and there was nothing left to say. The man stayed silent for a few minutes. He stared out at the hills he had danced on, and the heavens he had wept for, and the river he had drank from, and all the places Emaline was not. He wondered how he could end it. Jump in the river and let the rocks take him – many had died that way. Or perhaps a shot to the head. Or perhaps light himself on fire, a fitting end: if he was not to go to hell, he would die in hell, because he did not find her.

But instead he spoke.

“It’s been twenty five years and seventy two days and trust me I counted them all. I -” The man paused, closed his eyes, and breathed through his nose. “In my head, I know you’re gone. I can’t help but wish, though, and I can’t help but think…”

The man looked up at the sky. At the sun which shone too brightly and the clouds which hid too well, at the sky heaven’s supposed to be in but it was never really there, was it? Because he’s looked – and at the stars too – and he’s looked. And never has he found, and never will he find, a trace of Emaline, who is dead, who must be dead, who died a long time ago when the tears hadn’t dried out.

“Emaline.”

“As long as it takes, until I come or you come.”

Clears his throat.

Long gone are the tears.

“I will wait for you.”

— I am an aspiring author who happens to be a twelve year old girl. Please send critique. This is far from my best work and it’s super cliché but in the time limit I couldn’t think of anything else.

May post something better after. —

The tears come unbidden, every time I read this passage. I wrote it and still it moves me. I think that’s a good thing, but no reader has shared their response with me.

“Tasha, he picked your name before you were even born and he talked to you all the time. He was with me in the hospital when you were born and your eyes got so wide when you came out and heard his voice. It was like you had been listening all that time and was so glad to see him.”

My tears are for never having experienced anything like this myself, either while being born or while giving birth. In writing The Birth of Hope, I was able to create a reality where things worked out in spite of the many obstacles the characters faced.

I did experience something like this when I received the gift of being present at my granddaughter’s birth. I remember seeing her eyes widen when she heard her father’s voice – before the cord was cut – she turned and looked at her father (my son) with a kind of deep recognition that was so beautiful. The tears then were tears of joy.

“You saw the star explode, right?” I heard this statement from the horizon of my shoulder, as I stared into the sky.

The Universe is no longer absent and neither is my heart. Who’d think that an extra terrestrial species would conquer our own moon … in a single night. My heart pounded to the odd, flashing lights that protruded from the moon’s surface. My jaw loosened to awe of such a spectacular moment in human history. As if time froze for solid five minutes, I couldn’t stop staring at the future fate of humanity.

“We are not alone in the Universe. After centuries of debate, humanity is nothing but a parasite!” My voice trembled.

“They said it themselves on the news.” My uncle dropped his gun into the sand and sipped from his whisky. “Mars was destroyed more than two hours ago. Whoever they are, they are staring down at us from the moon’s surface, laughing over the fact that they’ve obliterated a planet from our familiar solar system.” the rough edged words crept over my shivering shoulder.

Two a.m. on a Tuesday morning and humanity has fallen into turmoil. The human heart of each woman, man and child has fallen to it’s darkest counterpart. I thought about my uncle’s presence and how much he’s willing to lay his life for my protection. This is the start to a story of survival, mystery and death; something that i’m responsible for admitting.

“Let’s go, I don’t feel safe here.” I whispered gently, staring at the once familiar moon. “Take me home.” I begged, a cloud of heated oxygen dropping from the cave of my mouth.

~ Thank-you for reading

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Emotional Writing: 36 Prompts for Expressive and Impactful Content

By: Author Paul Jenkins

Posted on August 30, 2023

Categories Writing , Creative Writing

If you’re a writer, you know that the goal of writing is to connect with your readers. One of the best ways to do that is through emotional writing.

Emotional writing is all about evoking strong feelings in your readers. When readers can connect with the emotions of a character in a story, they are more likely to become invested in the story through the end.

Understanding emotional writing is crucial for any writer who wants to create a meaningful connection with their readers. Emotional writing is not just about making readers feel happy or sad. It’s about creating an emotional connection that lasts long after the story is over.

It’s about making readers feel like they are a part of the story. Emotional writing can be used in any genre, from romance to horror to science fiction.

If you want to master emotional writing, you need to learn the techniques that will help you create an emotional connection with your readers. There are many different techniques that you can use, from using sensory language to creating relatable characters. By mastering these techniques, you can create stories that will stay with your readers long after they’ve finished reading.

Key Takeaways

• Emotional writing is all about evoking strong feelings in your readers and creating an emotional connection that lasts long after the story is over.
• Understanding emotional writing is crucial for any writer who wants to create a meaningful connection with their readers.
• To master emotional writing, you need to learn the techniques that will help you create an emotional connection with your readers, such as using sensory language and creating relatable characters.

36 Prompts to Spark Emotional Writing

Prompts can be an excellent way to unlock your writing inspiration when it comes to emotional writing. Here are a series of ideas, grouped by emotion:

Happiness 😊

• Write about a happy memory from childhood
• Describe a time you felt pure joy
• List things that make you smile

Sadness 😢

• Write a letter to your younger self about a time you were hurting
• Describe a loss that had a big impact on you
• List things that help lift you when you’re feeling down

Anger 😠

• Write about a time you felt wronged
• Describe a situation that makes your blood boil
• List healthy ways to express anger

Fear 😨

• Write about an irrational fear you have
• Describe a scary experience from your past
• List things that help you feel safe and comforted

Disappointment 😞

• Write about a time you felt let down
• Describe a situation where you didn’t meet your own expectations
• List ways to reframe disappointment into opportunity

Jealousy 😒

• Write about a time you felt envious of someone else’s success
• Describe a situation that brought out your competitive side
• List ways to feel genuinely happy for others

Embarrassment 😳

• Write about an awkward memory that makes you cringe
• Describe a time you really embarrassed yourself
• List things that help you laugh at yourself

Pride 😌

• Write about an accomplishment you feel proud of
• Describe a time someone made you feel valued
• List your unique strengths and talents

Gratitude 😊

• Write a thank you letter to someone important to you
• Describe a simple pleasure you’re grateful for
• List small joys you want to appreciate more

Love ❤️

• Write about someone who means the world to you
• Describe what unconditional love feels like
• List ways to show love in your daily life

Hope 😌

• Write about a dream you have for the future
• Describe a time you overcame a challenge
• List reasons to remain optimistic

Inspiration 💡

• Write about someone who motivates you
• Describe a time you felt deeply inspired
• List things that spark creativity for you

Understanding Emotional Writing

Emotional writing is a form of writing that evokes strong feelings in the reader. It is a way of conveying emotions through written words. In this section, we will explore the basics of emotional writing and the importance of emotional writing.

Basics of Emotional Writing

Emotional writing is all about creating an emotional connection with the reader. To achieve this, you need to use language that is evocative and descriptive.

You need to describe the emotions that your characters are feeling in a way that the reader can relate to.

This can be achieved through the use of metaphors, similes, and sensory details.

One of the most important aspects of emotional writing is character development. You need to create characters that are relatable and have a depth of emotion.

This means that you need to understand your characters’ motivations and desires, as well as their fears and insecurities.

By doing so, you can create characters that feel like real people, and the reader can empathize with them.

Importance of Emotional Writing

Emotional writing is important because it can make your writing more engaging and memorable. When readers feel emotionally connected to a story, they are more likely to remember it.

Emotional writing can also create a sense of catharsis for the reader, allowing them to experience emotions that they may not have felt in their own lives.

Emotional writing can also be therapeutic for the writer. Writing about emotions can help you process your own feelings and experiences. It can also be a way of exploring different perspectives and gaining a deeper understanding of the human experience.

In conclusion, emotional writing is a powerful tool that can be used to create a strong emotional connection between the writer and the reader.

By understanding the basics of emotional writing and its importance, you can create writing that is engaging, memorable, and meaningful.

Techniques for Emotional Writing

Here are some techniques that can help you write emotional scenes that will stay with your readers long after they have finished reading your work:

Show, Don’t Tell

One of the most effective ways to convey emotion is to show, not tell. Instead of telling your readers that a character is feeling sad or angry, show them through the character’s actions, thoughts, and dialogue.

For example, if a character is feeling sad, you can describe how they slump their shoulders, avoid eye contact, and speak in a quiet voice.

Use of Language and Dialogue

The language you use in your writing can also help you create an emotional connection with your readers. Use powerful, descriptive words that evoke strong emotions in your readers.

For example, instead of saying a character is “angry,” you can use words like “furious,” “enraged,” or “livid.”

Dialogue is another powerful tool for conveying emotion. Use realistic, authentic dialogue that reflects how people actually speak. This can help your readers feel like they are eavesdropping on a real conversation, which can make the emotional impact of the scene even more powerful.

Creating Authentic Characters

Creating authentic, believable characters is crucial for emotional writing. Your characters should have flaws, fears, and desires that make them relatable to your readers. This can help your readers empathize with your characters and feel emotionally invested in their story.

Effective Use of Imagery

Imagery is another powerful tool for emotional writing. Use sensory details to help your readers experience the emotions along with your characters.

For example, describing the smell of the rain during a sad moment can help your readers feel the character’s sadness. Sensory details ground the reader in the moment, which can make them feel it more.

In conclusion, emotional writing is all about creating a connection between your readers and your characters.

Types of Emotional Writing

When it comes to emotional writing, there are several different types of writing that can utilize emotions to create a powerful impact on the reader.

Here are some of the most common types of emotional writing:

Writing Emotions in Fiction

Fiction is one of the most popular genres for emotional writing. This is because in fiction, the writer has complete control over the characters and the situations they find themselves in. This means that the writer can create scenarios that are designed to evoke specific emotions in the reader.

Whether it’s a heart-wrenching love story or a thrilling action sequence, fiction can be a great way to explore emotions.

Emotional Writing in Nonfiction

Nonfiction may not seem like an obvious choice for emotional writing, but it can be just as effective as fiction. In fact, nonfiction can be even more powerful because it deals with real-life situations and experiences.

Whether it’s a memoir, a personal essay, or a self-help book, nonfiction can be a great way to explore emotions and connect with readers on a deeper level.

Script and Novel Writing

Script and novel writing are similar to fiction in that they allow the writer to create characters and situations that can evoke emotions in the reader. However, script and novel writing can also be more challenging because they require a strong plot and well-developed characters.

This means that the writer must be able to balance the emotional content with the overall story arc.

Poetry and Emotional Writing

Poetry is perhaps the most obvious choice for emotional writing. The very nature of poetry is to evoke emotions through language and imagery.

Whether it’s a sonnet, a haiku, or a free verse poem, poetry can be a powerful tool for exploring emotions and connecting with readers on a deep level.

No matter what type of writing you choose, emotional writing can be a powerful way to connect with readers and create a lasting impact. By exploring the different types of emotional writing, you can find the style that works best for you and your message.

Creating an Emotional Connection with Readers

To create an emotional connection with your readers, you need to engage them, evoke emotion, and build anticipation.

Engaging the Reader

Engaging the reader is the first step in creating an emotional connection. You need to capture their attention and keep them interested in your writing.

One way to do this is to start with a hook that draws them in. You can use a question, a quote, or a startling fact to grab their attention.

Another way to engage your reader is to use vivid descriptions and sensory details. This helps them to visualize what you are writing about and makes the experience more real and tangible.

You can also use anecdotes and personal stories to make your writing more relatable and connect with readers on a personal level.

Evoking Emotion

The key to emotional writing is to evoke emotion in your readers. You need to make them feel something, whether it is happiness, sadness, anger, or fear.

To do this, you need to use descriptive language that paints a picture in their minds.

One way to evoke emotion is to use metaphors and similes. These comparisons can help readers to understand complex emotions and situations.

You can also use repetition and parallelism to create a sense of rhythm and emotion in your writing.

Turning Pages: Building Anticipation

Finally, to create an emotional connection with your readers, you need to build anticipation. You want them to keep reading and turning the pages to find out what happens next.

One way to do this is to use cliffhangers and plot twists that keep them guessing.

You can also use foreshadowing to hint at what is to come and create a sense of anticipation. This can be done through subtle hints and clues that are woven throughout your writing.

By building anticipation, you can keep your readers engaged and emotionally invested in your writing.

Mastering Emotional Writing

Emotional writing is about diving into the heart of your characters, understanding their joys and sorrows, and portraying these feelings so authentically that your readers cannot help but feel them too.

Here are some techniques to help you master emotional writing:

Writing from Personal Experience

One of the most effective ways to write emotionally is to draw from your own experiences. Think about a time when you felt a strong emotion, such as love, anger, or fear. Use that experience as a starting point for your writing.

By drawing on your own emotions, you can create characters and situations that feel authentic and relatable.

Observation and Awareness

Another way to write emotionally is to observe the world around you. Pay attention to the people you meet, the places you go, and the things you see. Notice the details that make them unique and interesting.

By observing the world with awareness, you can create characters and situations that feel real and vivid.

Distancing and Perspective

Sometimes, it can be difficult to write emotionally when you’re too close to the subject matter. In these cases, it can be helpful to create some distance and perspective.

Try writing from the perspective of someone else, such as a friend or family member. This can help you see the situation in a new light and create more emotional depth in your writing.

In conclusion, emotional writing is a powerful tool that can help you connect with your readers on a deeper level. By mastering emotional writing, you can create impactful stories that resonate with your audience.

To become a master of emotional writing, it’s important to understand the power of emotions and how to use them effectively in your writing.

You should also learn how to create characters that are relatable and evoke emotions in your readers.

Additionally, it’s important to understand the impact that your writing can have on your readers. Emotional writing can be a powerful way to inspire, motivate, and even change people’s lives.

Overall, emotional writing is an essential skill for any writer who wants to create impactful stories that resonate with readers.

By mastering emotional writing, you can create stories that are not only entertaining but also meaningful and inspiring.

Frequently Asked Questions

How to write emotions in text.

To write emotions in text, you need to use descriptive words that evoke a feeling in the reader. Use sensory details such as sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch to paint a vivid picture of the emotion you want to convey. It’s also important to show, not tell, the emotion by using actions and dialogue that demonstrate how the character is feeling.

How to write emotions in a story?

To write emotions in a story, you need to create characters that are relatable and have realistic emotions. Use the same techniques as writing emotions in text, but also make sure to give your characters a backstory and motivation for their feelings. Use the plot to create situations that will naturally evoke emotions in the characters, and make sure to show the consequences of those emotions.

What is expressive writing?

Expressive writing is a form of writing that focuses on expressing your emotions and thoughts. It can be used as a therapeutic tool to help you process and cope with difficult experiences. To practice expressive writing, set aside time to write about your feelings and thoughts without worrying about grammar or structure. The goal is to let your emotions flow freely onto the page.

How to write an emotional essay?

To write an emotional essay, you need to choose a topic that is personal and meaningful to you. Use descriptive language to paint a picture of the experience or person you are writing about, and use storytelling techniques to create a narrative that evokes emotions in the reader. Make sure to connect the emotions to a larger theme or message that you want to convey.

What is an example of an emotional word?

An example of an emotional word is “heartbroken.” This word immediately evokes a feeling of sadness and loss. Other emotional words include “ecstatic,” “terrified,” “nostalgic,” “enraged,” and “grateful.”

How do you convey overwhelming emotions in writing?

To convey overwhelming emotions in writing, use strong sensory details and vivid language to create a visceral experience for the reader. Use short, choppy sentences to mimic the feeling of being overwhelmed, and use repetition to emphasize the intensity of the emotion. Make sure to balance the intensity with moments of relief or release to prevent the reader from becoming too overwhelmed themselves.

12 Ways To Convey Emotion in Your Writing

Table of contents

Alana Chase

Writing with emotion is an important skill for all writers — bloggers, novelists, copywriters, journalists, students, and many others. It can help you connect with your readers, persuade your audience, or simply bring your ideas to life with flair. 

But you might be unsure how to do it or what “emotive writing” really is.

In my 11-year career as an editor and writing coach, I’ve guided numerous students to become well-versed in emotive writing — writing that stirs up genuine emotions and captivates readers. 

In this article, I’ll share 12 ways to infuse your work with emotion. I’ve also included examples to illustrate the difference between emotive and non-emotive writing, plus a bonus tip to help you succeed.

Key takeaways

• Emotive writing enables you to connect with or persuade your audience by eliciting genuine emotions.
• You can use various techniques to convey emotion in writing — from employing sensory language and sharing anecdotes to using strong verbs and adjusting your tone.
• AI tools like Wordtune can help enhance your writing and ensure you strike the right chord with your audience.

12 tips for writing with emotion

All that stands between you and emotive writing are some essential tips and tricks. Let’s explore my top 12 below.

Tip #1 - Use active voice

Choosing active voice (where a subject performs an action) over passive voice (where an action is done to a subject) enhances the emotional impact of your writing by emphasizing the person or thing responsible for the action.

For example:

Passive voice: “Yvette was betrayed by Marcos.”

Active voice: “Marcos betrayed Yvette.”

Here, active voice places responsibility firmly on Marcos, making his betrayal of Yvette more impactful. This makes it easier for readers to sympathize with Yvette and feel anger toward Marcos.

The easiest way to nail active voice is to always put the “doer” (subject) at the start of the sentence. Follow up with the action (verb), then the receiver of the action (object).

“Mika (subject) longed for (verb) the familiar sights and sounds of her hometown (object).”

AI tip: Wordtune can help you switch from passive to active voice in seconds. Highlight a sentence and tap the Rewrite button in Wordtune’s Editor to generate a list of suggested replacements.

Get Wordtune for free > Get Wordtune for free >

Tip #2 - Use sensory language

You can evoke specific emotions with your writing by using language that plays on the five senses (touch, smell, sight, taste, and sound). Sensory language also helps create vivid images in the reader’s mind, allowing them to better connect with what you’re saying.

For example, writing “the rough texture of his sandpaper-like hands” can convey discomfort and irritation. Meanwhile, “the sweet aroma of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls” can communicate comfort and joy, and “the incessant, rhythmic ticking of the clock” can evoke anxiety.

On a similar note, avoid stating emotions outright. Instead, demonstrate emotions through actions, body language, experiences, or atmospheric details‌ — show, don’t tell. This makes for a more engaging reading experience.

For example: “I felt terrified.” → “My legs trembled violently and a chill ran down my spine as I climbed up the rusty ladder. With each creaky step, the floor below me seemed to grow further away.”

Tip #3 - Incorporate similes, metaphors, and symbols

Similes (which compare two things) and metaphors (which equate one thing to another) are powerful tools for making your writing more emotive.

Here are some examples:

• Simile: “Her smile was like sunshine after rain , brightening everyone’s day.” This evokes positivity and creates striking images in the reader’s mind.
• Metaphor: “Your potential is a dormant volcano , waiting to erupt with success.” This inspires feelings of inspiration and eagerness. When used in a marketing or advertising context, it can persuade the reader to take action — e.g., by buying your product or signing up for your service.

Additionally, you can incorporate symbols to represent emotions throughout your writing. For example, a wilting flower can symbolize fading hope, while a lighthouse beacon can communicate determination and resilience.

Tip: Avoid clichés in symbolism — e.g., a lightbulb to signify an idea — to prevent your work from sounding dry and predictable. Instead, choose symbols that are unique and relevant to your piece of writing.

Tip #4 - Add personal anecdotes

Share personal experiences from your life to make your writing resonate emotionally. For example, if you’re writing about the importance of hard work, you could tell a story about a time you overcame a difficult challenge through perseverance.

Anecdotes like these provide a personal touch that draws readers in and encourages them to connect with your writing.

Tip #5 - Opt for emotive adjectives

Emotive adjectives demand attention and elicit strong emotional reactions in readers. “Breathtaking” conjures feelings of awe and wonder, for instance, while “serene” evokes peace and tranquility, and “menacing” conveys fear.

Using emotive adjectives can help you persuade your audience. For example, if you’re selling a product, you could use adjectives such as “cutting-edge” or “top-rated” to generate curiosity and give the product a positive appeal.

Apple uses tons of emotive adjectives in its ad copy, describing the iPhone 15 Pro’s Dynamic Island tool as “a magical way to interact with iPhone.” The company used adjectives like “phenomenal,” “amazing,” “incredible,” “industry-first,” and “aerospace-grade” to detail the phone’s other features.

These words all help evoke feelings of admiration and excitement within Apple’s existing audience and potential new customers.

Tip #6 - Replace adverb phrases with strong verbs

Adverb phrases tend to use vague terms like “softly” or “quickly”. ​​​​Replacing adverb phrases with strong verbs in your writing allows readers to experience the action more directly, encouraging a greater emotional response.

• “walked slowly” (adverb phrase) → “crept” (strong verb, evokes anticipation or fear)
• “cried loudly” (adverb phrase” → “wailed” (strong verb, conveys intense sorrow)
• “looked angrily” (adverb phrase) → “glared” (strong verb, suggests hostility)

Tip #7 - Use white space strategically

White space — the empty areas between lines and paragraphs on a page — influences the pacing of your writing. Lots of white space gives readers “breathing room” and speeds up reading. On the other hand, minimal white space slows readers down and encourages them to absorb your words.

Experimenting with white space lets you control your writing’s emotional rhythm and impact.

For example, place a sentence on its own line to create a sense of importance and amplify its emotional weight. Or, use lots of short paragraphs to generate anticipation or long paragraphs to convey seriousness and intensity.

Tip #8 - Vary your sentence structure

You can convey a range of emotions by switching up the structure and length of your sentences.

Short sentences with simple structures can suggest stress, danger, or excitement. Meanwhile, longer sentences with more elaborate structures can imply longing, sadness, admiration, or regret.

Let’s look at two examples from The Great Gatsby:

• Short sentences: “She narrowed her eyes and shivered. Lucille shivered. We all turned and looked around for Gatsby.”
• Long sentences: “It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced — or seemed to face — the whole eternal world for an instant and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor.”

Use one or the other — or a mix of both — depending on the emotion(s) you want to infuse into your writing.

AI tip: Condense or lengthen your sentences in a snap using Wordtune’s Shorten and Expand features.

Tip #9 - Strike the right tone

Tone defines the mood of your writing — relaxed, serious, humorous, friendly, etc. — so aligning it with the emotion(s) you want to convey is key. 

Say you want to evoke joy in your writing. Ensure your tone is lively and filled with positive language. For example, instead of writing, “I was happy,” say, “My heart was bursting with happiness, and my skin tingled with elation.”

Or, perhaps you want to convey a sense of urgency in a persuasive piece. Go for an authoritative tone, using formal language and clear, assertive statements. For example: “Time is of the essence. Failure to act now will have dire consequences.”

AI tip: With Wordtune, perfecting tone of voice is easy. Open the Wordtune Editor, begin writing (or paste your work in), highlight the text, and tap the Casual or Formal button. Wordtune will generate several options to make your writing more conversational or more serious.

Tip #10 - Incorporate humor

Humor can help you convey many emotions in your writing — from happiness to empathy and everything in between. (Using humor is also one of the best ways to tailor your writing for a Gen Z audience and make your social media content more relatable.)

Here are a few ways to do it:

• Incorporate puns and other wordplay. For example: “After an hour waiting in line for the rollercoaster, I felt like I’d been competing in a show called Survivor: Theme Park Edition .” This highlights the narrator’s frustration and exhaustion through a humorous play on language.
• Sprinkle in sarcasm, irony, or satire. Comment on society’s quirks or the strangeness of everyday life to evoke amusement and introspection. Use sarcasm — e.g., “Another flat tire: just what I was hoping for!” — to express emotions like irritation, frustration, or doubt.
• Surprise the reader. Drop a witty remark or punchline when the audience least expects it — for example, after a tense scene or moment of danger. This contrast can make both the lighthearted and poignant moments in your writing more impactful.

Tip: Be mindful of your piece’s tone and context to ensure the humor lands well. If the humor doesn’t fit, leave it out (and use some of the other tips on this list instead).

Tip #11 - Tap into nostalgia

As in life, nostalgia is a potent force in writing. It can stir feelings of comfort, happiness, sentimental longing, or sadness in readers.

​​You can also use nostalgia to elicit specific emotions and persuade an audience. In fact, this is a popular marketing technique. Advertisers and copywriters will create nostalgic scenes that remind consumers of fond memories and motivate them to buy a product.

Below are some ways to tap into nostalgia in your writing.

• Use cultural references to jog readers’ memories of bygone eras. This is especially effective when your references are tied to certain events and trends, such as movie releases, music movements, or historical moments.
• Explore common human experiences such as childhood friendships, family gatherings, and milestones like first heartbreak. Create new scenes that dive into these moments, or share personal anecdotes from your past that mirror these experiences.
• Use slang from specific eras (e.g., “bodacious” or “gnarly” from the ‘80s) to transport readers back in time and evoke emotions they associate with the period.
• Implement sensory language when describing the past . For instance, you might describe the taste of a dessert you once loved, the sound of a familiar song, or the scent of your childhood home.

Tip #12 - Use contrast

Amplify the intensity of the emotions in your writing by contrasting “highs” (positive emotions) with “lows” (negative emotions). Juxtapose emotions like joy and sorrow, love and heartbreak, or fear and excitement to make each feel more impactful.

You might also explore contrasting images, settings, or time periods to evoke emotions. For example, depicting a bright, sunny day following a dark, stormy night can convey hope. Also, moving from the past to the present can underscore, for instance, a main character’s longing for the way things used to be.

Bonus tip: Go slow and be sparing

Emotions often hit harder in writing when there’s a build-up to them. For example, hard-won happiness feels more impactful than sudden joy, and lingering grief resonates more than occasional sadness.

So, take time crafting your narrative and laying the emotional groundwork — really “earn” the feelings . Readers will be more likely to invest in and connect with your writing when you do.

Finally, remember that emotive language is like spice : it can add fantastic depth and flavor, but too much of it can overwhelm the senses. Use it sparingly to ensure readers are drawn in, not put off.

Knowing how to convey emotion in your writing helps you pack a punch with words and connect with your audience — whether you’re looking to tug at their heartstrings or convince them of something.

With the tips outlined in this guide (and some help from Wordtune’s tools), mastering emotive writing can be easy and fun. You can play on readers’ senses with descriptive language, share personal anecdotes, incorporate emotive adjectives, use humor, and more. 

Continue leveling up your writing by exploring our guides on rewriting sentences so they don’t sound bland and proofreading to keep your work flawless .

What is it called when you use emotion in writing?

Using emotion in writing is called “emotive writing.” The writer uses expressive language and storytelling techniques to convey feelings, evoke emotional responses, and create a lasting impact on readers.

How do you describe your emotions in writing?

In writing, you can convey your emotions by using descriptive, sensory language and sharing personal experiences.

What are emotive adjectives?

Emotive adjectives are descriptive words that evoke a specific emotional response from readers. Examples include “appalling,” “heartbreaking,” “exhilarating,” “thrilling,” and “enchanting.”

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How to Engage Readers with Emotional Writing

by Melissa Donovan | May 5, 2022 | Creative Writing | 16 comments

How to create emotionally resonant writing.

One of the greatest skills that a writer can possess is the ability to make readers feel something. If you can engage readers on an emotional level, you’ll have them hooked. This effect is called emotional resonance .

Think about it: Most of the books, poems, movies, and TV shows that you love best are the ones with which you forged an emotional connection. You felt like the characters were your friends, so you felt for them. You felt with them.

Emotional Writing

Let’s look at a few techniques we can use to produce emotional writing:

Draw from Experience

You’ve experienced a range of emotions throughout your life. When you want to convey an emotion and incite that emotion in readers, draw on your personal experiences. Your experience doesn’t need to be identical to whatever you’re writing about, but it should be close and generate a similar emotional response.

Relive the Feeling

Sometimes drawing from experience isn’t enough. You might need to relive an experience. That’s not so bad if you’re writing about your first trip to Disneyland. But it will be unpleasant if you’re writing about something painful. I once wrote a scene in which a character watched the caskets of two loved ones descend into the earth. I closed my eyes and recalled the first time I saw a casket descend, and whole thing came flooding back. Not only did I relive the feelings, I saw the scene replaying in my mind’s eye, which provided details that ended up in the passage I was writing. It was painful, but it worked.

Use Accessible Language

Readers are unlikely to have an emotional reaction to material that’s written in an academic or businesslike tone. Writing that is friendly or casual is more likely to put the reader at ease, which means they’ll be less guarded with their emotions. They’ll be nice and primed when you’re ready to hit them with some intense, emotional writing.

Use Imagery

You’ve heard the adage: show, don’t tell . If a character is sad, you don’t write, Kate was sad . You write, Kate lowered her eyes and swallowed hard, choking back a sob and blinking away the tears that welled up in her eyes.  When a reader can visualize another person’s anguish, they’re more likely to have an empathetic (emotional) reaction.

Incorporate Storytelling

If you’re not writing an actual story, you can still use storytelling to engage readers on an emotional level. A single image can tell a story. For example, imagine a child, about ten years old, walking a bike down the street. One of the bicycle wheels is bent. The child is crying, there’s a hole their jeans, and their knee is bloody. This is the story of a kid who took a bad fall. Stories work well when you want to demonstrate something (like why kids should wear knee pads). If done well, a story is almost guaranteed to draw a reader into the writing.

Feelings can be revealed through dialogue. When you use imagery and dialogue together to show (rather than tell) the reader what is happening and to reveal the emotional aspect of the situation, the reader visualizes the action and might experience the characters’ emotions right along with them:

“Jack, stop talking. I’m not going with you,” Kate said. “What do you mean you’re not going with me? We’re supposed to go together.” “We’re not together, Jack. We were, but not anymore.” Jack couldn’t believe his ears. “You’re leaving me?” he asked. “That’s right,” she said. “You and me — it would never work.” She started to turn and paused briefly. Jack thought she had changed her mind. He saw her hand flicker, and for an instant, he knew she was about to reach for him, but then she pulled her hand back, turned on her heels, and walked off. “That’s it? You’re just going to walk away?” he screamed. She didn’t stop, didn’t even flinch. Jack hung his head. “You’re just going to walk away,” he whispered.

Notice the rise and fall of emotion in this dialogue. There are only a couple of cues — most of the emotion is contained within the dialogue itself. This makes reading an experience, and it helps readers connect on an emotional level.

Use Teasers

One of the best emotions for writers to engage is anticipation. Get the reader excited by sprinkling teasers throughout your writing. Whether you’re handing out information or unraveling a story, the occasional hint about what’s around the corner is a simple yet effective way to create a little excitement, and the tone of the piece will color the reader’s anticipation. If they’re reading a thriller, they could be be on the edges of their seats. If they’re reading a self-development book, they could be filled with hope.

Getting Emotional in Writing

Readers who are emotionally invested in a piece of writing are more likely to keep turning pages, to tell their friends about it, and to read more of your work. It doesn’t matter which emotions you engage; make readers feel something — anything — and they will reward you, because you gave them an experience.

Do you incorporate emotions into your writing? Which techniques do you employ? What has your experience with emotional writing been as a reader? Did a piece of writing evoke a particularly strong emotional response in you? Why? Share your thoughts and experiences with emotional writing by leaving a comment, and keep writing.

16 Comments

Thanks for the tips Miss!

My pleasure!

this TRULY helped! i was supposed to write an emotionally stirring story while listening to certain music clips…and was really lost. This really really helped me get started = )

Thanks, Brinda. Thanks for letting me know that you found this useful.

Telling vs showing is something my writing groups began pounding into my head from day one. Of couse, it took months for me to grasp it. I found it a bit easier to spot when I realized that the majority of “telling” contains “was,” just as in your examples above. I also recently (well, last night!) learned that emotional attachment can still be lacking. I wrote a short story about a man who cares for his mother until she dies of breast cancer. Twenty years later, he’s dying of the same disease and, yet, most everyone got to the end and felt, “and so?” The emotional attachment to him wasn’t strong enough. So much for one critic saying “there’s a sparseness to his writing that is refreshing.” LOL! Always learning, always learning… and I find your blog (and book, BTW) to be a huge help.

It took me a while too, but that was mostly because I kept hearing “show, don’t tell” without an example or any further explanation. I think if the author can connect emotionally with the character, then the reader will too. When I develop characters, if I don’t absolutely love or loathe them, I kick them to curb!

Even though I had the whole ‘show and don’t tell’ in back of my mind from reading, I haven’t had it explained clearly to me until today. ‘Preciate it!

Thanks, Jesse! I’m glad this article helped you understand “show, don’t tell.” Keep writing!

Hey Melissa Great post, thanks I normally write fantasy, so it’s a nice change to write in the real world. Bringing depth of emotion into fantasy is one of my aims, so thanks for the tips. cheers Mike

Thanks, Mike! I’m glad you liked these tips. Keep writing!

Thank you for those tips the image was so clear. one could almost see her walk away and him wipe the tears away I can see what show not tell means now

Thanks, Joan. I thought an example would help demonstrate these concepts. It seems to have worked.

Thanks for these tips.

You’re welcome!

Great tips, Thanks for sharing!

Thanks, Nisha. You’re welcome.

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Essays About Emotions: Top 6 Examples and Prompts

We all experience a vast range of emotions; read on to see our top examples of essays about emotions, and thought-provoking writing prompts.

Human beings use their emotions as an internal compass. They guide us through tough challenges and help create memorable moments that build relationships and communities. They give us strength that’s incomparable to intellect. They are powerful enough to drive our survival, bring down invincible-seeming tyrants, and even shape the future.

If you want to express your emotions through writing, creating an essay is a perfect way to materialize your thoughts and feelings. Read on for the best essay examples and help with your next essay about emotions.

1. Managing Emotions by Charlotte Nelson

2. how to deal with your emotions effectively by jayaram v, 3. music affects mood by delores goodwin, 4. emotions, stress, and ways to cope with them by anonymous on ivypanda, 5. essay on emotions: definition, characteristics, and importance by reshma s, 6. the most powerful emotion in marketing may surprise you by oliver yonchev, 9 writing prompts on essays about emotions to write about, 1. what are positive and negative emotions, 2. how to control and manage emotions for emotional people, 3. why it can benefit you to hide your emotions, 4. the power of emotional connection between siblings, 5. emotions make music, and music drives emotions, 6. psychopathic individuals and their emotions, 7. emotions expressed in art, 8. dance: physical expression of emotion, 9. lessons to learn from highly emotional scenes on screen.

“Emotions. They not just leave an impact on the organizations but on the organizational structure as well, and it is vital for leaders in the organization to deal with it.”

Nelson’s essay focuses on how emotions can be harmful if not managed properly. She also differentiates moods from emotions and the proper and improper emotional management methods.

“They are essential for your survival and serve a definite purpose in your life by giving you advance warning signals and alerting you to different situations.”  

Our feelings are important, and this essay points out that negative emotions aren’t always a bad thing. The important thing is we learn how to cope with them appropriately.

“So we just listen and close our eyes, and it is our song for three minutes because the singers understand.”

Goodwin’s essay explores how we feel various moods or emotions from listening to different genres of music. For example, she writes about how rock masks pain and releases daily tensions, how classical music encourages babies’ development, etc.

“Emotions play a unique role in the experiences and health outcomes of all people. A proper understanding of how to cope with emotions and stress can empower more individuals to record positive health outcomes.”

This essay incorporates stress into the topic of emotions and how to manage it. It’s no surprise that people can feel stress as a strong emotion. The essay explores the various methods of managing the two things and promoting health.

“Emotions can be understood as some sort of feelings or affective experiences which are characterized by some physiological changes that generally lead them to perform some of the other types of behavioral acts.”

Reshma uses a scientific approach to define emotion, the types of emotions, and how it works. The essay provides the characteristics of emotions, like being feeling being the core of emotion. It also included the importance of emotions and theories around them.

“The emotional part of the brain processes information five times more quickly than the rational part, which is why tapping into people’s emotions is so powerful.”

Instead of discussing emotions only, Yonchev uses his essay to write about the emotions used in marketing tactics. He focuses on how brands use powerful emotions like happiness and fear in their marketing strategies. A great example is Coca-Cola’s iconic use of marketing happiness, giving the brand a positive emotional connection to consumers.

You’ve read various essays about emotions. Now, it’s your turn to write about them. Here are essay ideas and prompts to help you find a specific track to write about.

Work out the definition of positive and negative emotions. Use this essay to provide examples of both types of emotions. For example, joy is a positive emotion, while irritation is negative. Read about emotions to back up your writing.

Depending on the scenario, many people are very open with their emotions and are quite emotional. The workplace is an example of a place where it’s better to put your emotions aside. Write an essay if you want to explore the best ways to handle your emotions during stressful moments.

You need to know when to hide your emotions, like in a poker game. Even if you don’t play poker, controlling or hiding your emotions provides some advantages. Keeping emotional reactions to yourself can help you remain professional in certain situations. Emotional reactions can also overwhelm you and keep you from thinking of a solution on the fly.

Close-knit families have powerful emotional connections to one another. Siblings have an incredibly unique relationship. You can think back to your experiences with your siblings and discuss how your relationship has driven you to be more emotionally open or distant from them.

Create a narrative essay to share your best memory with your siblings.

There’s a reason so many songs revolve around the “love at first sight” idea. A powerful emotion is something like giddiness from meeting someone for the first time and feeling love-struck by their behavior. Grief, anger, and betrayal are emotions that drive artists to create emotionally charged songs.

Some people have a misbelief that psychopaths don’t have emotions. If you’re diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) , the true definition of a psychopath in psychiatry, this is a perfect essay prompt. You can also use this if you’re studying psychology or have a keen interest in psychopathic behaviors or people around you.

Like music, art also has a deep link to emotions. People who see art have subjective reactions to it. If you’ve been given a piece of art to react to, consider writing an essay to express how you perceive and understand the piece, whether it’s a 2D abstract painting or a 3D wire sculpture.

A widely appreciated branch of art is dance. Contemporary dance is a popular way of expressing emotion today, but other types of dance are also great options. Whether classical ballroom, group hip hop, or ballet, your choice will depend on the type of dance you enjoy watching or doing. If you’re more physical or prefer watching dance, you may enjoy writing about emotional expression through dance instead of writing about art.

Do you have a favorite scene from a film or TV show? Use this essay topic to discuss your favorite scene and explain why you loved the emotional reactions of its characters. You can also compare them to a more realistic reaction.

Write a descriptive essay to describe your favorite scene before discussing the emotions involved.  

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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This Blog's Purpose

Creating Emotion in the Reader

I wrote an article on the importance of creating emotions in readers, but I’ve noticed that writers are looking for specifics on how to accomplish that. So, this article complements that first one, presents practical tips on how to stir the reader’s emotions.

_____________________________________

Readers like to be touched, moved, by story. They like to imagine themselves in worlds and situations that challenge them, that give them opportunity to do and be something other than what they do or are in their real lives.

Fiction, whether in book or film or games, allows people to not only step into other worlds, but to experience those worlds. To do what they can’t in the course of a normal day. To feel beyond their normal feelings.

Since readers want to immerse themselves in other worlds and other lives, what can writers do to make that experience authentic, to make the fictional world real for a few hours?

One technique the writer can make use of to create reality out of fiction is to induce emotion in readers, make them feel something of what the characters are experiencing. Writer and reader know the fictional events aren’t real, but the emotion can be. Readers can fear and feel joy and be excited and know grief. They can laugh and cry, shiver and rage. All from reading a story.

But how can a writer accomplish this? How does a writer make readers feel emotion?

1.   Write in scenes, showing rather than telling . That is, don’t report that a character is afraid or giddy or grieving. Show the results of character emotions through the character’s actions . Show what fear or giddiness or grief does to him. Character action and response is a good place to focus.

This is a major key for rousing reader emotions. No one gets emotional over a report. They do get emotional when they can step into someone’s shoes and experience his or her feelings as if those feelings were churning inside them .

Delores was afraid to open the door to the basement steps. She stood at the far side of the kitchen, debating what to do. vs. Delores’s hand trembled as she reached for the locked doorknob. Tom had warned her not to open the basement door when he wasn’t around, but he was due home soon, so what could happen? She bit her lip and tightened her fingers around the cold knob. A shiver shook her. She inhaled only a shallow breath and then struggled for another.

And nearly shot through the ceiling when the microwave dinged, letting her know her tea was hot.

2.   Make a character sympathetic , so the reader identifies with her.

If the reader can identify with a character—with her dreams or habits or choices—he can also identify with her emotions—pains and joys and sorrows. (Readers can also identify with the shared human condition, so sometimes a particular situation will resonate with readers even before the character becomes involved.)

Make sure the reader knows/understands/identifies with the character before trying to connect emotionally. The reader won’t be affected by a character’s deep emotions on page one, simply because he has no ties to the character. By chapter three, if you’ve put the reader in the character’s place in the story, what touches the character can touch the reader. By the novel’s climax, the reader should so identify with the lead character that the character’s pain becomes the reader’s pain, his triumphs, the reader’s triumphs. The reader may have a physical response—laughter or tears or shivers—as if whatever happened to the character had actually happened to the reader.

You know how this plays out in your own life. A death reported on the nightly news means one thing when it’s a stranger and something totally different when it’s someone you know or a relative of someone you know.

Help your readers know your characters.

Make your character believable and sympathetic so the reader wants to be that character, wants to go through everything he goes through for the length of the story.

3.   Make a character unsympathetic , so the reader feels anger or repugnance toward him.

A character who is hated has already created an emotional response in your reader. I’m not talking caricature or stereotype here. I’m talking about creating a character who is soul ugly or evil or unfeeling, but one who belongs in one story and no other.

Your unsympathetic character might be no one of consequence in another book. But here, in this particular story, his actions/words are destructive to your protagonist or to someone close to him.

Cruel characters doing cruel things—cruel in the eyes of the protagonist or the reader—can affect the reader. If the character reacts to the cruelty, the reader can as well. Or, if the reader feels something because of what a cruel character does, you’ve already stirred his emotions.

If, however, your protagonist has no response to the cruel actions of another character, your readers may feel both bewildered and cheated. Show the reactions/response of characters to the actions of another character . Characters must do more than think about the evil of another character. They must have a response in terms of action and/or dialogue.

4.   Don’t hold back . If you want to reach the reader’s emotions, you need to write emotion-evoking scenes. Killing or injuring a character’s child, pet, or loved one can touch the reader, if the reader has sufficient investment in the character.

If Sarah gets a phone call, with someone saying her son has died, readers won’t feel grief, even if you show Sarah grieving, unless you’ve created a tie between Sarah and the readers, unless you’ve prepared for the death ahead of time, showing Sarah’s love for her son, perhaps her fear for his life or her dreams for him.

If he’s never been mentioned and we don’t know how much he means to Sarah, an announcement of his death will have no emotional impact on the reader.

If, however, Sarah had been worried for his safety or has been sitting at his hospital bedside, the reader is connected both to Sarah and her son, and his death can shake up the reader.

Don’t be afraid of killing off someone close to your main characters or of taking away something else dear to them . If they are crushed, the reader can be as well. This is fiction; you’re not really hurting someone if you write them into a car accident.

Death or injury aren’t the only ways to hurt your characters. Misunderstanding, betrayal, and forced choices that hurt their friends are all ways to agitate characters. And when characters are agitated, readers can be as well.

5.   Tease the reader with hints of what’s to come . You see this in romantic comedies, the backward and forward dance between a couple just falling in love. The tease, the delay, the anticipation makes the payoff dramatic and satisfying.

In mysteries and suspense, anticipation increases tension and therefore increases the emotional impact. Fear drawn out to just the right degree gives a satisfying snap when hell breaks loose.

6.   Recognize that word choice can greatly affect reader emotions . Some words are triggers in themselves and can be used to set off the reader.

Putting an especially nasty cuss word in the mouth of a character who doesn’t curse can jolt the reader. It’s a strong signal that something is very wrong.

Verbs or nouns that are socially loathed or that remind readers of hated people or abhorrent practices can be used to instantly rouse the reader. Of course, you can’t use this technique too often because the reader will feel manipulated and feel anger toward you, the writer, rather than with a character or the story on the page. You can manipulate readers; you shouldn’t let them feel the manipulation.

Some words convey lightness or humor or passion. Other words have little emotional shading. Choose your words with their impact potential in mind.

Even common actions can be influenced by word choice. Do characters cross a room or lope or shuffle? Do they race across town or merely make their way through traffic? Do they demand or ask for something? Do they heave or lift or haul or pick up an object?

Know the power of word choice in eliciting emotions. Use words throughout a scene to express your exact meaning so a scene is cohesive and the emotion consistent. Don’t mix light and fluffy words into a dark, heavy scene unless you’re doing so for effect . That is, be aware of your word choices and what they can do to the scene and the overall tone of the story—increase tension because you choose the right word combinations or diffuse tension because you’ve used ill-matched words.

Note—Even though you want the words to create a tight scene, one with cohesion and consistency, this doesn’t mean that all characters in the scene will have the same agenda and speak to the same end. That is, you may have a character quite at odds with the other characters and what’s happening. Your antagonist may not care that he’s caused negative events in the protagonist’s life. He might not feel remorse or pain at what’s happened. And therefore he may talk at cross purposes with other characters. This, of course, creates a tension all its own and can set the reader on edge.

7.   Create a situation that’s important, vital, or life altering, if not life threatening . Make sure there’s something at stake for the character, make sure his actions reflect the importance of this something, and make sure he tries to do something to change this intolerable dilemma. Produce in the reader both the emotion from the situation and the hope that the character can triumph.

8.   Put your characters under time constraints to increase tension, to cause them to make decisions they might not ordinarily make, to set them—and the reader—on edge.

9.   Force your character into making a decision between a bad choice and a worse choice . This kind of situation pulls the reader in whether he knows the reason for those bad choices or not. The reader feels for the character, for him having to make bad decisions that both character and reader know will cause even more problems.

10.   Move the story . Don’t dwell so long on an event that the reader loses interest or the urgency wanes.

11.   Write realistic scenes with realistic problems , problems that are conceivable for the characters and world you’ve created. Events, characters, and setting must be logical for your world. Don’t give your reader a reason to doubt the truth and possibilities of your story and story events. Don’t give them a push out of your fictional world.

12.   Surprise the reader by turning the story in an unexpected direction . Keep the reader off balance, unsuspecting, so he can be blindsided and thus feel more unsettling emotions.

13.   Write conflict into every scene . Conflict can be character to character, character to himself, character to events, and character to setting. An agitated character can pass that agitation to the reader.

14.   Adjust the pace for the emotion you want to create . Use short sentences and paragraphs to speed the pace, to encourage suspense and fear. (Readers read faster and feel the story is moving at a faster pace when there’s more white space on a page.) Use longer phrases and paragraphs to slow the momentum, to ease off the forward rush, to create a sense of relaxation or calm.

15.   Choose words with deliberation . Use harsh or sharp words for the harsher emotions, soft-sounding and soft-meaning words for gentle emotions. (Or, cross up your words and emotions to create confusion. But remember that you want the reader confused in the same way the characters are confused, not unable to follow what you’re saying.)

16.   Reduce the use of unnecessary and unrelated detail to keep the focus on one emotion. Characters involved in chases don’t notice the flowers or the store fronts decorated for Christmas. Lovers in their first sex scene don’t notice every object in the room; they’re far more interested in one another.

Stay in the moment and only turn the reader’s attention to what’s important for this moment and this scene and the characters involved.

There are, of course, exceptions to this piece of advice. Yet, when you’re trying to build emotion, don’t dilute it or distract the reader with unrelated details. Use your details in other scenes, when it’s appropriate to introduce them.

Do use detail that will heighten emotion.

17.   Use setting to influence the reader and deepen his emotional response . Paint your rooms, put sounds in your outdoor spaces, add smells to your attic. Imagine how these elements would influence your readers—dark rooms, dark colors, enclosed spaces, echoing spaces, wide-open fields, silence, the living room of a house where someone was murdered, the living room of the house owned by the lead character’s enemy, a courtroom, a boardroom, back stage during a concert, back stage three hours after the concert-goers have all gone home.

Play with setting so you put your characters in the best locale for each scene. Need to ramp up unease? Move the scene to a deserted office at night. Need something lighter than the bedside of a comatose patient? Take the scene to the hospital’s cafeteria. Or chapel. Or business office.

18.   Use sense details to mire readers in the reality of the scene . What can the character hear and smell? What does a change in sound mean? What does the absence of sound mean for the character and the reader? When a character reaches into a dark hole and feels something brittle, does the reader break out in goose bumps? What if the character felt something soft and silky, something like springy curls? Does the reader’s pulse jump?

Play with all five senses to keep your readers involved, maybe off balance, but always interested in what’s coming next.

Use each of these methods, not just one, to raise an emotional response in your reader. Touch the reader often, noting that each scene doesn’t have to register higher on the emotional meter than the scene before. (Though emotions do rise through the climax, the rate of the climb isn’t consistent and emotional impact can be variable; both character and readers need variations in intensity. Downs are as important as ups.)

Don’t hesitate to mix emotions . A heroine in a suspense thriller can’t be frightened all the time. Use humor or lust or exasperation or anger or joy to change the type of tension for her and for the reader. Take the reader up and down and then up again. Readers like ups and downs, not a flat line of no emotion, of zero affect. Keep the reader engaged by making her feel. Stir up your readers.

Tap into emotions to give your readers a read that satisfies on all levels.

Related posts:

• Get Pushy—Push Character Conflict and Reader Emotion
• Keep Readers Close to Action and Emotion
• Engage Readers Through Character Reaction

Tags: emotion , readers     Posted in: Craft & Style , How to , Writing Tips

Posted in Craft & Style , How to , Writing Tips

109 Responses to “Creating Emotion in the Reader”

thank you for this very useful piece 😀

Frida, I’m glad you found it useful. Thank you for letting me know.

I’m an aspiring writer (though only 14), and after reading this, it’s given me useful insight on how to develop emotions in my characters. This helped a lot since theres a lot of tragedy

Really, HJ?? Me too!…only 13 though…I’ve always had trouble with making readers feel emotion. One of my greatest weaknesses.

haha, looks like there’s a lot of us. I’m twelve.

14. I’m wanting to write a short story, problem is I don’t know what to write about.

I’m twelve also and an aspiring author. Thanks for the tips. In my book I am working towards killing the main character in an emotional way, and this is very helpful for it.

I’m almost 12! I’m currently 11 and I was struggling to write the perfect thing. I was bored one day so I found this one show on tv and it showed a person being dropped out of a window and it showed sweet flash backs of the main person with the person who went out the window. It was so heart breaking that it inspired me but I didn’t know how to write it. Now I do though!

15. I mostly write fanfics, and this is one of the most crucial part of a fic – making readers feel emotion. Thanks for putting this up.

*snarls* “Great, now there’s competition.”

(lol, jk, I’m 14 too)

me too, i’m fourteen too!

Same! I am 15, and I have problems with dialogue. My characters tend to be distant. I am really trying to work on that, making my characters stand out in unique, memorable ways that will stick to the reader throughout their day.

\Im only 12 and I love writing. my first trilogy has actually been accepted by a publishing company. but this article was really helpful gives me a lot of insight

HJ, I wish you great success with your writing career. I hope it proves enjoyable and challenging and profitable. Something to help you achieve your goals is to write often and read more often.

I’m glad this article was helpful for you.

thank you so much…..this blog help me so much in my thesis…..i hope you will continue making such a useful info’s

Earl, I hope to continue with the blog for a long, long time. I’m glad you found info useful for your thesis.

I just found you and thanks, I was looking for exactly this advice.

Chuck, I’m glad you found the information you were looking for. You are most welcome.

I am also an aspiring writer at the age of 17, and I’m currently writing my first novel. I’ve attempted a few times before, but I lacked any engagement with my characters and there was certainly not a variation of emotion- all doom and gloom! However, I’ve found that with planning, reading and writing everyday, the quality of my work is really improving. (I’m well into Chapter 13). I can’t thank you enough for this post- very helpful! Often, you find yourself wanting to say so much, but don’t quite know how to in order to ensure the reader’s empathy. I want the reader to really FEEL in the more tragic scenes. (One of which involves the main character losing her mother). I will definitely be trying these tips! Thank you so much!

Abbey, I wish you success upon success as you continue to write. I can verify that yes, as you write and practice and write some more, the quality of your work will improve. You also obviously already know that there’s more to writing than simply doing it—if you’re looking at writing sites online, you know there are tools available to strengthen your skills. I’d say you’re off to a great start to your career.

I encourage you to write and study and live a full life.

You are most welcome for the tips.

Thanks so much! ^^ I’m fifteen, working on my first novel. It’s a dystopian, and I saw the Hunger Games today and wanted to play into my readers’ emotions like that movie did.

Kim, I wish you great success with your writing. There’s nothing better than putting that first manuscript together. Here’s hoping you have fun as you work it all out.

This has been the best advice for writing i have every found. Thank You!!!! I have a narrative writing due soon and whatever i write sounds like a report. I’ve read many books that have such strong emotion and have touched me but i just can’t write like that. This has really helped me write the conclusion for my narrative writing… now i need to come up with the beginning.. ^-^

Thanks again!!!

Chloe, I’m very glad you found something here to help. When chapters and events read like reports, it helps to step away from actions and move to feelings or thoughts.

Another trick that might help in the short-term is to write a handful of long, long sentences, sentences you might never use. Get out of the pattern of she did this, she did that that comes out rat-a-tat-tat in short sentences. Change the sentence flow. Change the focus of the moment.

I wish you great success with your writing.

I am an aspiring writer by the age of thirteen, I am most experienced at fantasy and has studied ancient and medieval history both at home and in school for the last three years which had greatly helped in my writing. I am currently writing the third draft of my first novel. Yes, before reading this article, I showed my drafts to some of my friends. I had them feel for my characters at some points, but I want the protagonist’s journey to be perilous and will leave him mortally wounded both inside and outside. How do I show that?

Mark, congratulations on not only completing a novel but on your dedication to strengthening it. You are well on your way as a writer. And you’ve asked a great question.

First, I’m going to ask if you truly mean mortally wounded. That would indicate the protagonist will die from his wounds. I’m guessing that instead you merely mean severely wounded both physically and emotionally. (If he really does die from either the physical or emotional wounds, most of what I include here will still apply.)

For the outside, you could show him recovering from the injury—taking medicine, going through physical therapy, having other characters react to the damage and even to the scars as he heals.

For the inside, you could show a change in personality, whether that means being uncaring toward anyone and anything or, conversely, being more caring and tender toward a particular group (such as victims of crimes or burn victims). You can show him shutting down when before he was outgoing. You could have him unable to sleep, maybe repeatedly pulling an object out of his pocket, something that speaks to his emotional wound. Such an object could be the ribbon of a girl he failed to save or a pebble he picked up on the beach that reminds him of his loss.

He could lock himself up inside his home or head off alone, without his best buddies. He could visit a cemetery but be unable to cry over the grave of someone he lost. Or maybe the cemetery’s the only place he can cry.

You can also show both wounds through the eyes and words of others. They can say they’re worried about him or point out the odd behavior. They can try to devise ways of bringing him back into the regular world, ways that backfire when he turns on them, people who were always his friends.

He can give away a fortune or something dear to him, something that shows his priorities have shifted.

Such wounds, if they do change someone inside, often change behavior. And they make what used to be important unimportant. Look for ways to have him act in ways contrary to what used to be normal behavior.

You can also make him non-communicative until he just can’t stand the encouragement of others and then have him blow up, going crazy on his friends. Again, think of behaviors contrary to what he would have done before being wounded.

Many people turn to drink or drugs when catastrophes overwhelm them. I don’t know what age you’re writing for or if such a thing would be appropriate for your story, but he could always think he’d like to drown his sorrows, even if he didn’t know where to score drugs and had no access to alcohol. If he couldn’t find drugs or alcohol, or if he did try them but they weren’t successful in making him forget what had happened, he could see that as another failure, another way he wasn’t like the rest of the world.

You’ve got lots of options. See if some of these suggestions don’t get you started. If not, let me know and we’ll see what else might work.

I am 71 and I am starting to write a novel. Your tips are very useful for me. I laugh and cry by reading novels. I want to write a novel which should touch the hearts of others.

As I read through this, I read it as a mental checklist for my first draft of my drama/suspense story (written as a sort of skeleton for a graphic novel). Plot wise, I’m feeling proud of myself for knowing exactly where and how often I used these, but this post will definitely help me out with editing and better dialogue! Thanks!

Cay, I’m glad the article was helpful. I love that you know where you’ve included these kinds of items in your manuscript—you know your story well.

Good luck to you as you continue to write.

I am only sixteen years old, yet I want to become a writer or novelist! We have learnt a few of these techniques in English, and I recently got an A* in my creative writing piece! However I’m not sure I have the dedication to finish a novel the whole way through would hate the idea of me giving up on it unfinished, wondering if you have any tips? 🙂

A true writer would ask themself “If I a tossing is the storyline good?” If you answer no, consider changing the plot or adding in a couple of characters to stir the maim character. If you answered yes, then keep working at it and good luck 🙂 😉

James, I’m sorry. I must have missed this comment.

I would say to keep writing. Quitting is easy, especially when it’s time to rewrite and work through problems. But the only way to get through the problems is to work them out.

i started my novel when i was twelve, finished, when i was fourteen, realized it lacked emotion when i was fifteen, started rewriting it when i was sixteen, and here i am seventeen, practically finished the entire thing, and my readers think it really good. i recently passed my sixth anniversary of starting my novel.

so just keep writing. the better you get, the more dedicated and invested you become and the more likely you are to finish the work itself. and chances are if you’ve got an A in creative writing, you’re pretty good already and don’t need to undergo the arduous process i went through. and if you think its good, don’t be afraid to show it to friends, get them interested and get them to push you to finish. peer pressure works.

Thank you for sharing these tips! I’m in the beginning stages of writing a novel and though only 13, I strive to be a pro! Inducing the emotion is what sells a good book, so I’m happy that I got some good tips to connect the readers to my story. I will definitely try these and see how it goes. Thanks again!

Amazing article. I’m only 13, turning 14 soon, and have just read this article. I am currently writing a book and was struggling to write a sad and emotional scene, but this article has changed my whole perspective of the view to come from.

Steph, I’m glad to have been of help. Sometimes we just need that nudge toward a different way of looking at something and then it all clicks. I wish you great success.

Thanks for posting this — many solid examples and methods. I’m looking forward to reading more on your blog.

Glad to have you here, Glenn. And I’m glad you found something useful.

Hi there. I’m a single mom soon to be 33. I take time when I can to write but mostly for fun so I’ve never published. I have a story idea that started simple but keeps evolving in different ways & has nearly become consuming to the point that my thoughts get carried away when I sleep. I just found your bogs today & wish I’d found it years ago. My story has multiple important characters since it involves a sizable family of I guess you could say paranormals. One character in particular is a comlplicated puzzle, I`m having trouble portraying him in a way that is mysterious, emotionless, serious, & quite difficult for others to understand or figure out, without making him seem boring or less important in comparison to other characters. Do you have any advice?

Tina, what about the character would be fascinating to other characters or the readers? Can you tease at that? What interesting events happened in his past that make him interesting? What about him would have readers wanting to know more?

You have to hint and tease so that readers need to know more. Teasing about a character keeps readers interested, and it keeps them thinking about the character.

If you don’t know this particular character’s back story, that’s where you should start. Figure out who he is and what he wants and how he plans to get it. Then use that information to make him an integral part of the story.

Who can he make alliances with? Who does he oppose?

You don’t want everything to be too obvious, but you will want to fold some of his life into the story. Everything that happened in his past affects his present and future. You’ve just got to create something interesting for his past that makes him interesting in the present.

I hope that gives you a place to start.

I had been concerned that using his actions to define him would not be enough since his siblings are defined by more than actions. I was concerned but your advice has given me better confidence in the way I’ve been writing. Thank you.

Thank you a very helpful article, I was aware of some of the points but had forgotten about the power of using simple everyday words. Also I hope my characters become more realistic after reading your post, as I have started to create cv’s of past life events for my characters.

I just wrote one of my characters having a terrible headache and now I have a headache(not that bad, but it’s kind of annoying). I also just want it to be dark since the light is making my character’s headache worsen.

If it affects me like that, is it good?(it’s the only reason why I don’t write my characters in extreme pain in first person)

Thank you so much for this advice! I’m researching this topic for a school project and it was hard to find sources about what I was looking for and when I did they all came to the same point. Your article was very helpful with different ways to communicate to the reader!

That was an amazing piece! Some of these techniques are new to me and they are surely improving my writing. I write stuff ever since I was nine and even though I’ve never finished one nevel (though I’ve started more than twenty) I feel like writing is what I like to do best. Besides, writing is a challenge to me because even though I’m from Brazil, I preter to write in English as I find it easier to express myself.

Thank you for this informative and helpful article. In such a short and apt manner, you have described what is most material in a successful script. It has contributed greatly in widening my perspective. Thanks again for imparting this great learning.

Incredible article! Thank you very much, great resource of information.

Great article.

Your tips is really good. Write in scenes, showing rather than telling, make a character sympathetic and move the story is important tips. Write from your happy place and write everyday is also important.

Thank you very much. This is very helpful ^^b

I’m applying these tips as best I can. How is this:

While he wrapped Merryn a second time in the chains, her eyes snapped open, and she stumbled down on the ground. She backed a way and managed to kicked Maxwell in the crotch. Her anger boiled to surface, she pushed her self away, and rolled her shoulder trying to move the chains. The vines begin creeping upwards, itching to break free.

“Do you honestly think that—”

Recovering quickly, he slapped her on the face hard, stunning her.

“Think? I know. I know everything about your kind. I know every weakness and fear. I’ve been after you for far to long now not to. You will suffer for killing my son.”

Maxwell wrapped the chains a few more times on her legs for good measure, and locked them. He picked her up, laid her on her stomach on top of the horses saddle. Jumping on the horse, he took off with his solders following him.

The guilt and sorrow of that day come back like a blast of light. Of the city melting to the ground .. an image that was blocked out snapped forward. A young boy of black ringlets, clutching his mother near the city entrance, their mouths opened.

They screamed.

She vomited inside the sack.

oops a typo. meant to say kick

Could you delete that first posting? I needed to revise it a bit. Thanks.

Try number two:

While he wrapped Merryn a second time in the chains, her eyes snapped open, and she stumbled down on the ground. She backed a way and managed to kick Maxwell in the crotch. Her anger boiled to surface, she pushed her self away, and rolled her shoulder trying to move the chains. The vines begin creeping upwards, itching to break free.

Maxwell wrapped the chains a few more times on her legs for good measure, and locked them. He picked her up, while Jason held the large sack open. Maxwell tied the top. The enclosed space filled her with panic, and she squirmed. He laid her on her stomach on top of the horses saddle. Jumping on the horse, he took off with his solders following him.

I have two characters who have pushed and shoved and played all sorts of passive aggressive one-upmanship relationship junk on each other. I have rewritten the resolution so many times I was ready to go Hollywood. Her cracked ribs heal, they kiss in the moonlight, cue soundtrack. After this article I see that even though it is ratcheted up to the point of no return they can still hammer it out, if I can write it effectively, even if she ends up throwing a loaded tray of ketchup covered French fries at him in his restored ’64 Impala. Great post. Thank you.

Phil, I don’t know which would be worse—messing up the Impala or losing the chance to eat the fries.

Sounds like you’ve got your story in hand.

This is just what I was looking for to add depth to my characters and to help provide “The Hook” I want in the opening chapter.

I’m glad you found something useful here, Peter. Getting readers on board right away is a must.

This is pure gold. Back on to this post over and over again, still get new insight from it.

Adi, I’m glad to hear that the article is good for a second read. I hope it proves useful.

thanyou so much i have so many tests at the moment ,i have always wanted to be an author and this wil help me on my tests thanyou so much x

Greetings Beth, What a valuable find! Your insight, guidance, and experience, is proving most helpful and hopeful for fledgling authors. Thank you!

Very informative and helpful! I have a creative writing final due in a few days and was in need of some tips on how to provoke more emotion in my writing. This blog was explained and broken down very well, Thanks a lot.

Hi I have a book I am writing and I want my female character Clara to be hated by the reader now but I want the reader to feel sympathetic to her later in the book and hate the male character James which the reader will be sympathetic to in the beginning of the book. What is a good way to do this?

Nathan, since all characters should have strengths and weaknesses, you just need to make sure you introduce both strengths and weaknesses, positives and negatives, for both characters early in the story.

Show Clara doing something horrible, without explaining why she does it. Maybe later in the story you can show that she was forced into the action in some way. Or later in the story you show her regretting what she did. But you also need to show something positive about her near the beginning of the story. Yet tilt the balance toward the negative.

You do the opposite with James, tilting the balance in the beginning toward his positive attributes while still giving him a hint of a negative.

You give both characters positives and negatives so that it’s believable when they change at some point in the story.

Characters can change suddenly, when they see the error of their ways. But a main character usually changes over time, not instantly. Thus the character arc of the protagonist shows the character changing over time and shows how and why the character changes—because of the events that he or she goes through.

You’ll have to play with different personality traits and behaviors and even thoughts so that you get readers feeling what you want them to feel, but don’t hesitate to give them the traits they’ll need at the end. Or at least a trace of that trait. Even killers love certain other people or love their country or support a cause—they might give blood or donate to a cancer charity.

You’d handle the details a little differently if one or both of your characters are hiding their true selves and only let their inner selves be seen near the end. So they aren’t what they seem to be at the beginning, they’re just playing a part. Readers will want to know they could’ve guessed that a character was pretending to be something he wasn’t based on clues you include. But you’ll want to go very light handed with those clues because you don’t want to give away the pretense too soon.

Plan for places throughout the story where you can purposely show both characters being themselves and being who they aren’t. As the story nears the end, start your shift. Show the characters doing or saying or thinking the way you need them to be at the end.

Change the words you use to describe them. Change the words they use when speaking to others. Use short and cutting sentences for the character you want readers not to like. Have the unlikable character interrupt the speech of others or be rude in other ways. Have him or her be selfish.

Does that help? There’s a lot you can do, but this shifting of the balance should give you a few more ideas.

I’m also writing a book; however it’s a non-fiction story, an authorized biography. I can see that many of these techniques would be useful in creating emotion for the person I’m writing about. Do you have additional, specific advice for non-fiction writing? It’s vital that readers be able to emotionally identify with with this person; otherwise, the book is pointless, and this is a story that has the potential to save lives. It needs to be shared. This is not my normal style of writing, so I really need help connecting the reader emotionally to my subject.

Hi friends,

I am a beginner. just started writing couple of paragraph for a fiction novel idea i had been having for a while. please review and suggest improvements.

Why do warriors have to suffer their pain silently? Is it unbecoming of a warrior to cry even when one is in extreme pain? Mara did not know what will happen to him once he gets inside the cave. He was sitting on the muddy ground at the right side of the cave waiting for his turn. There was no moon and the winter night was pitch-black. The fluttering flame of torch which was behind his back will soon be out. The swaying of trees, the rustling of leaves and the howling of wind were trying to subdue the all-encompassing silence. One of the “brothers of secret oath” Kuttuvan who had just come out of the cave was sitting next to him.

[Describe how he looks] Even in dim light Mara noticed that Kuttuvan was shivering. His clothes were wet. He was wearing wrap around cloth above his loincloth. His upper body was covered in cloak. He was also wearing turban. He was gasping heavily. His mother was sobbing and rubbing his back. She was blowing into his wounded palm to relieve the pain. The nauseating smell of burnt flesh meant that the wound was deep. His hands were shivering and his legs were shaking.

Mara and other “brothers of sacred oath” wear clothes similar to kuttuvan. Generally they carried bow, short sword and catapult, as weapons. Today they were stripped of them.

Thanks, Akil

Thank you for this article! For the last four years now (from age 13 to 17, and I’m sure it will eventually be beyond that) I have been working on a fantasy novel. When I was 13 I started writing out a 19-chapter story that was all over the place, and I stopped writing it around 14. When I realized how underdeveloped my plot really was, and what caused me to feel lost in the events of the story, like nothing was really happening, I fleshed out the characters more and got to know them better and why they feel the things that they feel, and I began to tediously whittle down a very vast and vague idea to a narrowed, more cohesive plot that I feel will work better than other not-so-cohesive plot lines that I initially came up with. At this point in time, I think I’m getting somewhere with a more thought-out plot, and I think that I truly understand my characters now; their motives, their opinions of each other, and their feelings, and I have begun writing a new version of the story that I am pleased with. I have cared about my characters during all this time; I can’t seem to let them go! 🙂 (And I won’t, I don’t think, ever). I think that I’ll return to this post again eventually to help me with the story as it progresses, because my characters are so rich and fleshed out in my mind that I want to do them justice when I articulate them and their experiences, and really connect them with the reader. Again, thank you!

most readers would find a story more interesting if they can feel moved by what they’re reading

An article that begins with I is deemed to never reaches the audience understanding, a more courteous approach by targeting how to benefit would be better aphrehended, as a hint never begin an article using the (first) pronoun

composed of one letter,

you can start by writing an article and then editing it to make a more beneficial version of the same article

a sister in humanity from a humble corner of the globe

WOW just what I was searching for. Came here by searching for emotion in fiction

These tips are so good! I’m currently writing a fanfiction of IU (Lee Ji Eun) on asianfanfics. I’m only 14 and totally not into kpop, IU being an exception. IU’s music is one of a kind! She is a brilliant artist, lyricist, producer, actress, vocalist and the sweetest and cutest human being on the earth. Me being a Uaena and star candy (what IU calls her female fans) totally enjoyed reading this guide. Thank you so much for your effort and putting oout there things like these which help people ^.^ I hope the best for you 🙂 If you have time, I suggest that you listen to IU’s albums, her dramas: Moon Lovers Scarlet Heart Ryeo, Dream High (her first ever drama where she starred in as a second lead) and My Mister. You will totally not regret this decision ^^ IU is an angel Check her out! And again thank you for your effort. My story goes by the name of ‘The Mystery Of Love’ on aff (it’s still in works though)

Hi , so i’m 17 and my first language isn’t English but i will try to make my first novel which will probably involve lots of dukes, commoners and a young prince who is heir to an endangered kingdom so i had probably no idea on how to actually write the scenes but after reading this i’m starting to understand how to do it properly so , Thank you for everything !

Hello, I just want you to know that your article is very useful, for sure this can help me in my next writing project. Thank you for sharing.

This is one of the useful articles that will help to improve my writing skills. Thank you so much for sharing your information.

I really appreciate how inspire me by sharing this article with me. It will improve my writing skills in near future as I am trying to write non-fiction novel.

Thanks a lot for this piece. Any ideas on how to start the opening paragraph of my romance novel?

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Affective meets effective: emotion and academic writing.

Posted by Writing Studio and Tutoring Services on Monday, December 8, 2014 in News , Uncategorized , Writing Studio Blog .

By Faith Barter

English writing fellow for fall 2014, vanderbilt writing studio.

As someone who thrives on the semester-long relationships built through classroom teaching, I began my semester as a Writing Studio Fellow with some trepidation. Would I spend the semester making tentative connections with clients I would never see again? It seemed like an enterprise that was bound to be less personal, less fulfilling than teaching. Instead, as I reflect on my semester at the Writing Studio, I am struck by the trust our clients place in us. What is it about our writing, I wonder, that makes us feel so exposed, and how can we as consultants mobilize that emotional investment to better serve our clients?

These questions resurfaced for me several times over the semester. At both sessions of Dinner & a Draft, the group discussion lingered on the emotional attachment that we feel to our words. As Dr. David Weintraub and Dr. Amy Non shared their writing processes, each group of students gravitated toward a discussion of editing. One after another, students described the challenge of cutting their own words. As they spoke, they often relied on metaphors of embodiment, using words like “painful” to explain the emotional dimension of revision.

It has become somewhat passé for scholars to write about the affective aspect of academic writing and composition (note that I reflexively switched from “emotional” to “affective” as I turned to a discussion of scholarship). After a spate of articles from the late 1980s and early 1990s, most of the current scholarship on the psychology of writing concerns either managing writer’s block or writing as therapeutic practice. In fact, many composition scholars treat emotion as something to overcome, characterizing emotion as being in fundamental tension with the intellectual reasoning required of the academic writing process.[1]

I notice that clients feel this tension in the work they bring to the Writing Studio. I often hear clients say things about their writing like, “I really love this section, but I’m worried it’s not making sense.” Rather than dismissing their affective responses in favor of pure logic, I find that such comments are often opportunities for productive work. Asking why a client is attached to a particular section can yield information that takes a session in a new and fruitful direction. Students often feel most attached to ideas that are complex and exciting but inchoate. What they register as emotional attachment may signal their awareness that they are “onto something” that they simply have yet to unpack.

I also look for opportunities to mobilize a client’s emotional investment toward later self-help. Asking questions about the affective or emotional dimensions of writing can help move a client toward self-awareness about how her emotional responses animate or inhibit her writing process in general. Although anxiety and writer’s block are common challenges, there are other writers for whom the challenge is in the “taking away,” or cutting existing words. If a client is aware of this tendency, she can build strategies into the writing process that give her “permission” to cut her own words—for instance by moving deleted text to a separate file instead of erasing it outright.

Rowena Murray and Sarah Moore offer the following advice to academic writers: “We’re not suggesting that you tangle yourself up in psychotherapeutic babble about writing or become self-indulgent about the processes that it requires. We are, however, asserting that if you ignore the emotional aspects of the act of writing, you miss out on an important opportunity to become a more self-aware and reflective writer.”[2] I find this advice useful for writing consultants, as well. Our clients come to us with rich, complicated, and diverse forms of emotional investment in their academic writing.  We ought to be sensitive to these differences, of course; but we also ought to be willing to mobilize our clients’ emotional investments toward a productive dialogue about writing.

[1] In The Handbook of Academic Writing: A Fresh Approach (2006), Rowena Murray and Sarah Moore describe this tension as “The logic versus emotion paradox” (10-11).

[2] Ibid., 11.

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8: How Arguments Appeal to Emotion (Pathos)

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• City College of San Francisco via ASCCC Open Educational Resources Initiative

Learning Outcomes 

• Describe the value of emotional appeals in written academic argument
• Identify the ways in which a given argument appeals to emotion through word choice, tone, or powerful examples
• Assess the likely effectiveness of an emotional appeal for a particular audience
• Distinguish between legitimate and illegitimate emotional appeals
• Use legitimate emotional appeals to support their own written arguments. 
• 8.1: The Place of Emotion in Argument Logic and emotion come together to build powerful arguments and infuse them with a sense of purpose.
• 8.2: Word Choice and Connotation Writers can help shape readers’ reactions by choosing words with particular emotional associations.
• 8.3: Powerful Examples Powerful examples can help readers connect emotionally to the argument’s claims.
• 8.4: Tone The overall emotional tenor of an argument is called tone. Identifying and describing the tone can give us insight into the author’s attitude and purpose.
• 8.5: Varying the Emotions The tone can vary throughout an argument as the author moves from point to point.
• 8.6: Fitting the Emotions to the Audience The success of an emotional appeal depends on how well the author predicts readers’ likely reactions.
• 8.7: Legitimate and Illegitimate Emotional Appeals Emotional appeals need to align with logical reasoning to be legitimate.

A Dozen Quick Hints

• 1. An expressive essay is about you , your thoughts, feelings, experiences, memories, and emotions. An expressive essay is written in the first person (I, me, and sometimes, we and us).   Use of the 2 nd person (you, yours) is not appropriate in this kind of essay .  
• An expressive essay is normally not subject to all the strict rules governing some other forms of college writing—for example, contractions and informal language might be allowable where they would not be permitted in informative writing. However, even though an expressive essay ordinarily uses a less formal style than other kinds of academic writing, you still must follow rules of grammar, spelling and word usage!   For example, do not call a person “that,” and make sure your sentence structure is correct.  
• It is customary in an expressive essay to use dialogue. English almost always requires joining-words for dialogue or quotes.    
• In expressive and descriptive writing, use descriptive language —that is, describe people, places, things and ideas that you make reference to, and do not simply name them.   Think in terms of the five senses :

Let your words carry the load, and do not rely on exclamation points . Even if the situation you describe is very exciting or emotional, avoid exclamations like: "Wow!"   " Damn!"   " Oh God!"   or the like.   And, never USE ALL CAPITALS to emphasize an exclamation.   This points you out as a childish writer. 

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#5onFri: Five Tips for Writing an Emotional Piece

Jul 22, 2022 by Anson Leung published in Writing

We have all been there. You tried to make your flat characters in your short stories come to life, but they seem so bland, generic, and not likely at all to win the next contest you are about to enter. Or perhaps you just want to win a scholarship, which requires an essay that requires you to speak about your past experiences, and why you deserve to win.

At one point or another, we have all wanted to allow our essays to flourish with emotion, and bring to life an exceptional literature piece. But how to get started on this arduous task? 

If it were that easy, everybody would be the next bestselling author. 

While it is not an easy overnight task, here are five steps that can help make your writing more emotional, and get you one step closer towards writing stardom:

1. Find a template online

This might seem obvious, but a lot of people neglect to do this. When I won an accounting scholarship, I had to write an essay describing why my passion for accounting was exceptional. This was a great time to know how to write an emotional piece of writing. But I didn’t know how to get started. 

Luckily, online templates were available. I didn’t plagiarize anything, and certainly, my experiences and emotions were genuine, but they all flowed even better under a template. 

The sentence, and even the paragraph structure, had a flow I did not understand at the time, but the template ultimately freed up my mind to focus more on enunciating my emotions towards accounting. 

I did end up winning that scholarship, so that is proof that this simple yet effective trick is a golden tip that can help many people.

2. Learn synonyms from a dictionary or online

A short story that keeps using the word “said” can be generic and dull. “Said” is a very overused word. You could replace that word with “exclaimed” every time you used the word, but even a word that shows emotion, if used repetitively, loses meaning. 

Synonyms exist because each word has its nuance, its own subtle meaning, which can change itself and the rest of the sentence, maybe even the entire paragraph. It can shift the entire interpretation of a character, or even a story.

That is the power of a word; that is why capturing the correct emotional state is important. If you are not sure of the right word, look it up to avoid messing up your masterpiece. Learn as many words as you can, so you have more ways to express the subtleties of the story you are trying to make. 

Only you have the sense of the degree, the superlatives, of your characters’ emotions. You owe it to them to use the right words to express those feelings.

3. Try to put special emphasis on consciously keeping track of the state of emotion in the words you use in your writing

As a tie-in to the point above, you might want to keep track of the words you use in the story to avoid bland words. While your stream of consciousness, a fact I will outline more in the point below, is usually almost flawless, just by getting a bit tired can lead you into using more simple words to express your characters’ feelings. 

You usually get these during a proofread and avoid repetitive words in the process, but sometimes, you might have overconfidence in your writing while you’re in the heat of the moment and think you have nailed it perfectly. 

To save time, you might avoid putting as much care into that proofreading during that section, thinking you have already done it perfectly. I speak from experience, when I say that even the most seemingly perfect piece of writing in the heat of the moment can be improved even a bit during a second read-over. That marginal increase in writing could separate you from first prize and second.

4. Stream of consciousness and trusting your instincts

Visualize your characters’ feelings in your short story by putting yourself in their shoes within the setting of the story. Don’t think about it; just write. Your instincts, a culmination of your past experiences, will produce a very good result that will reflect most of your feelings in that heated moment of writing. 

Editing is to get that last 5% to make it perfect, but for the most part, you are already almost there if you put yourself in your characters’ shoes first, and write from the heart. There is no contrivance in this, and the end result will be a reflection of both the characters, and a part of your own honest feelings.

5. Do not be emotional for the sake of being emotional

This is a very common mistake beginner writers make. They are emotional during every point in an obvious way to try to rope readers in, even when it is unnatural. 

When a character is not doing much, it really is okay to leave them bland for the moment. Do not force them to be emotional if it ruins the story. It will also, by following this advice, make the emotional parts all the more impactful.

These are five tips to make your writing more emotional. I hope you find them as helpful as I did!

Tell us in the comments: How do you approach writing an emotional piece?

Anson Leung is a graduate of the University of Alberta’s Bachelor of Commerce program. He is an Alberta based writer who loves all forms of writing, including poetry and article writing. In his spare time, he loves playing tennis and board games.

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, any tips for writing about a difficult or emotional experience in my college essay.

I want to share a deeply personal and emotional experience in my college essay, but I'm not sure how to approach it without sounding too negative or oversharing. Do you have any suggestions on how to write about challenging topics while still making a strong impression?

Writing about difficult or emotional experiences can be both impactful and challenging. The key is to focus on personal growth and learning that came as a result of the experience. Here are some tips to help you navigate through the process:

1. Be honest and genuine: Share your true emotions and experiences surrounding the situation, but be mindful of striking a balance between vulnerability and oversharing.

2. Emphasize growth and resilience: Highlight your personal development, how you have overcome the challenge, and what you've learned from the experience. This is a critical component of your essay, as it shows strength in the face of adversity.

3. Use descriptive language: This helps readers feel more connected to your story, allowing them to visualize and empathize with your experience. Just be cautious not to dwell too much on the negative aspects.

4. Wrap up with a positive tone: When concluding your essay, leave the reader with an understanding of how this difficult experience has shaped you into a stronger, more self-aware individual.

Good luck and remember that your story is uniquely yours and has the potential to make a strong impression on admissions officers!

About CollegeVine’s Expert FAQ

CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

Essay Writing as a Tool for Self-Reflection and Personal Growth

T raditionally, essay writing was seen as an academic exercise, but not anymore. An essay is a piece of writing that is written to convince someone of something or to inform the reader about a particular topic. As students write essays, they introspect and learn at the same time. They understand that the essay writing process is not just about forming arguments or persuading readers; it is also a powerful mechanism for self-discovery. By articulating thoughts and emotions on paper, you better understand your perspectives and experiences.

Writing essays encourages writers to confront their inner thoughts, beliefs, and values. This confrontation is not always comfortable. Many of you already know this fact. However, the process is invariably enlightening. Through the structured thinking that essay writing demands, individuals can explore and organize their thoughts in ways other forms of reflection might not allow.

This process often leads to a deeper understanding of oneself. And not just that; it’s crucial for personal development. A 2019 study found that expressive writing has been shown to improve emotional and physiological health. Besides, the iterative nature of writing, that is, drafting, revising, and refining, mirrors the iterative process of personal growth. What does this premise mean? Well, self-awareness leads to new insights, which then lead to further questions and exploration.

But not everyone can write a compelling essay. Even the most talented writers can struggle with some topics. However, did you know that professional essay writers can help you with your paper? These experts specialize in specific disciplines and can provide subject-specific, content-savvy papers that surpass your expectations. And if you are not very conversant with writing an essay, rest assured that they will convince you or be adequately informed.

All in all, an essay must include several important components to make it flow logically. Its main parts (or sections) are the introduction, body, and conclusion. In a standard short essay, five paragraphs can provide the reader with enough information in a short space. However, more than five paragraphs must be present for a research paper or dissertation to not overwhelm the reader with too much information in one section.

Moreover, essay writing is a tool for emotional intelligence. Yes, you read that right. It offers a safe space for writers to express and manage their feelings. You often find clarity and a sense of relief as you translate complex emotions into words. The reflective practice of writing helps individuals cope with past experiences and prepares them for future challenges by building resilience and adaptability. Thus, the benefits of essay writing are vast. The following is a list of how essay writing is a tool for self-reflection and personal growth.

How Essay Writing is a Tool for Self-Reflection and Personal Growth

Essay writing can be the bridge between internal exploration and external expression. But how so? This practice allows individuals to explore their thoughts and feelings, translating introspection into tangible form. As you articulate your experiences and viewpoints, you engage in a dialogue with yourself, which fosters emotional growth.

• Enhances self-awareness : As previously mentioned, writing essays requires self-examination, which can significantly increase self-awareness. When you choose topics that resonate personally, you’re prompted to reflect on your beliefs, behaviors, and motivations. This process helps you understand yourself, highlights areas for improvement, and reaffirms your core values.
• Cultivates empathy : A recent study on the importance of writing practice showed statistically significant increases in various aspects of empathy, such as reasoning, including multiple perspectives, expressing emotion, and proposals for action, and statistically significant increases in empathy as a latent construct. When crafting essays, writers often explore different perspectives and consider alternative viewpoints. This exercise can cultivate empathy, as it encourages them to understand and articulate feelings and situations from other people’s points of view.
• Promotes critical thinking : Like any other form of academic writing, essay writing compels students to think critically about their experiences and the world around them. But the question is: how so? It involves analyzing one’s thoughts and questioning existing beliefs. This process can lead to new insights and a more informed perspective. Besides, critical examination helps you develop a more mature understanding of complex situations.
• Improves communication skills : Strong writing skills contribute to effective communication. Regular essay writing hones one’s ability to convey thoughts clearly and effectively. In fact, this point is scientifically proven. Essay writing helps individuals learn how to express their ideas in a structured, coherent, and persuasive manner.
• Facilitates emotional healing : We cannot emphasize this point enough. Writing about personal experiences, especially traumatic ones, can be therapeutic. Yes, you read that right. Putting emotions into words helps people process and make sense of their experiences.
• Encourages mindfulness : Writing promotes mindfulness, or present-moment awareness, and its associated qualities of calm/relaxation, nonjudgment, and intentionality. The focus required in essay writing can promote mindfulness. By concentrating on the present moment and the task of articulating thoughts, you can experience a calming effect, reducing anxiety and enhancing your overall mental health.
• Strengthens problem-solving abilities : Students’ problem-solving skill is heavily influenced by the learning process in the classroom. Essays often explore solutions to problems. They can involve real-world problems that trigger learning and optimize the power of problems to incorporate key learning processes. This aspect requires writers to think strategically about possible solutions, weighing pros and cons and considering outcomes.

Improve Your Writing Skills

For students, most of your assessments are done through writing. You will be asked to write essays for assignments and exams in most study areas. Accordingly, knowing how to write well is suitable for your grades. But there are other personal benefits as well. It can be a tool for personal growth and self-reflection. Essay writing can transform your understanding of yourself and the world around you.

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Emotions: The Impact on Our Lives Essay

Every day, we deal with emotions. From the moment we wake, to the moment we rest our heads, we are in constant contact with a feeling of some kind. Even through our sleep, in our dreams, we encounter emotion. Many, however, never reflect on how emotions work, or what they can do to improve their emotional lives. The content of the lecture dealt thematically with these concepts, describing the deep impact emotions have on our lives, addressing emotional intelligence (EQ) as a key player in our ultimate success or failure, detailing the components of emotions, exemplifying ways to release emotion, and ultimately speaking on essential elements of happiness. The lecture definitely inspired thought and reflection on how I operate, and illuminated the nature of some difficulties I experience when dealing with my own emotions.

The lecturer begins by displaying how emotions color our lives, using a clip from the film Evita in which Antonio Bonderas is mourning the death of the title character. He, and everyone he comes into contact with in the clip, is grieving for Evita. That grief comprises the essence of the moment being transcribed, which was supposed to show how emotion washes over our lives. This is where the lecturer begins, showing the power of emotions before explaining the roles our knowledge and volition play in the process of feeling.

The next topic covered is particularly impactful to me personally. He discusses IQ and EQ, and explains the differences between the two, emphasizing the greater impact the latter has on our future success. The lecturer explains that many intelligent people fail professionally and personally because they have very low EQ’s, and therefore cannot function properly, intelligently, in the world in which we live. One aspect of EQ that I have great difficulty with is impulse control, which plays a major role in maintaining long-sighted focus when small obstacles hinder me. At jobs and at school, I sometimes find it difficult to keep in mind the bigger picture, and act impulsively on frustrations and angers that, if let go, would allow me the freedom to move toward my ultimate goals.

The lecturer begins then to cover our roles in our emotions. He explains that it is not only events that shape how we feel, but our thoughts about the events. He shows a clip from Billy Elliott in which a father is very angry at his son for participating in a dance class. His father makes it clear that he thinks dance classes are for girls, not boys, and therefore is angry, disappointed, and upset with his son. Though this did not hit home for me as much as the lecturer’s previous point, I found it interesting that the poor quality of the father’s thoughts resulted in irrational anger and insecurity. If the father could have seen dance for what it is instead of stereotyping the art form as for females exclusively, he would have afforded himself emotions of pride and happiness over his son’s participation.

After a discussion of how we communicate our emotions through our facial expressions, our words, and our body language, the lecturer explains that song and dance are actually integral parts of how we release our emotional stresses and tensions. He shows a clip of an Indian film to exemplify this, in which a village begins to dance. This section of the lecture I found particularly important, as I am a person who has difficulty in accurately expressing my feelings and also in allowing myself emotional releases. The unmentioned distinction between healthy emotional release, and impulsive, self-damaging indulgence is worth noting here as well.

The most important point the lecturer makes comes at the end of the video when he discusses what makes a person happy. The point is that happiness does not come from outside of us. He says that happiness is not attained through success or wealth, but instead by faith, optimism, a sense of control over one’s life, meaningful work, and close relationships.

The lecture builds to this disclosure, after covering the things that can hinder our happiness. Being brought to be aware of some of my problems with impulse control, I can now see how those problems impact my happiness as it is a result of the aforementioned elements. Not having an optimistic attitude is an example of something that fosters impulsiveness, which makes me think that perhaps I do not have enough faith in the fact that I will reach my goals to deny myself the pleasures of the moment. Here I think having a sense of control over my life is most important, because if I think that I am subject to the whims of those around me I give into impulse more frequently. Though I have close relationships, I am excited to see how I can grow my happiness in them, and in my professional life, after I exercise more control over my impulsivity, and allow for the elements of happiness to become greater parts of my life.

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IvyPanda. (2021, December 18). Emotions: The Impact on Our Lives. https://ivypanda.com/essays/emotions-the-impact-on-our-lives/

"Emotions: The Impact on Our Lives." IvyPanda , 18 Dec. 2021, ivypanda.com/essays/emotions-the-impact-on-our-lives/.

IvyPanda . (2021) 'Emotions: The Impact on Our Lives'. 18 December.

IvyPanda . 2021. "Emotions: The Impact on Our Lives." December 18, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/emotions-the-impact-on-our-lives/.

1. IvyPanda . "Emotions: The Impact on Our Lives." December 18, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/emotions-the-impact-on-our-lives/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Emotions: The Impact on Our Lives." December 18, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/emotions-the-impact-on-our-lives/.

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More From Forbes

3 tips to break your ‘emotional coasting’ cycle, from a psychologist.

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Does emotional coasting have you stuck? Shift gears and accelerate forward.

Emotional coasting describes a state where people navigate life on autopilot. It signifies a disconnection from the profound depth of emotional engagement necessary for genuine growth and fulfillment. An ‘emotional coaster’ cruises through emotions without truly experiencing or processing them, resulting in a plateaued emotional landscape. Within this state, individuals often find themselves merely skimming the surface, devoid of the richness and authenticity inherent in actively participating in their emotional journey.

This detachment carries significant repercussions across multiple dimensions of life. Firstly, it leads to stagnation, hindering personal growth by entrenching individuals in repetitive patterns and obstructing their ability to confront challenges or embrace new experiences. Secondly, it erodes genuine emotional connections, giving way to shallowness and dissatisfaction in relationships. Additionally, it may incubate inner discontent, nurturing feelings of dissatisfaction, anxiety or depression. When disregarded, these negative sentiments may fester, culminating in a pervasive sense of emptiness or purposelessness.

Here are three indicators that one might be emotionally coasting:

• Emotional echoes. People may find themselves recurrently revisiting past conflicts or traumas, with associated emotions remaining persistently unprocessed.
• Selective sensitivity. Manifesting as an inconsistent emotional responsiveness, individuals may exhibit heightened reactions to specific stimuli while remaining emotionally detached from broader experiences.
• Narrative dissonance. This occurs when there is an incongruity between one’s internal emotional experiences and the external presentation to the world, leading to a sense of discordance and disconnection.

To actively engage with emotions, cultivate resilience and deepen relationships, consider these three ways to prevent and address emotional coasting.

1. Create Emotional Depth Through Emotional Expression

Through creative outlets such as painting, poetry, music or journaling, individuals can explore the depths of their emotional landscape in a safe and constructive manner. Each medium offers a unique avenue for articulating feelings and experiences in a personally resonant way.

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For instance, art provides a visual language that allows individuals to externalize their innermost thoughts and emotions. Through painting or drawing, they can explore abstract concepts and subconscious feelings, giving shape to intangible sensations and experiences. Similarly, writing provides a structured platform for introspection and self-expression. Whether through journaling, storytelling or poetry, individuals can capture their emotions with words, organizing and clarifying their thoughts in the process.

Moreover, research suggests that the art-making process follows an iterative path that starts with metaphors of life and nature, gradually revealing emotions. This process elicits empathic responses and culminates in joint art-making, leading to the destabilization, deconstruction, reconstruction and reimagining of perceptions and meanings.

2. Listen to Your Body’s Wisdom

Listening to your body’s wisdom is crucial for emotional well-being, offering insights into our inner emotional landscape. This practice involves tuning into the physical sensations accompanying our emotions, which often serve as potent indicators of our internal state. These bodily signals, such as tension, discomfort or relaxation, provide valuable cues about our emotional needs and responses. Through mindfulness and somatic awareness techniques, individuals can develop heightened sensitivity to these cues, enhancing their ability to interpret and respond effectively.

For instance, one may observe that stress frequently causes muscle tightness, especially in the neck, shoulders and back area, resulting in discomfort or pain and affecting mobility and posture. Stress can also disrupt digestion, manifesting as symptoms such as stomach aches, indigestion or changes in appetite. A litany of research indicates that stress contributes to physiological conditions like irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) or acid reflux, which may worsen under chronic stress.

In such cases, integrating somatic awareness into daily life facilitates a deeper connection with the body, grounding people in the present moment. Techniques such as deep breathing, body scans or gentle movement practices anchor individuals in the present moment, fostering inner calm and resilience. Prioritizing embodied awareness allows people to navigate life’s challenges with clarity and authenticity, honoring emotional needs and promoting holistic well-being.

3. Embrace Discomfort As Growth

Embracing discomfort fosters continuous learning and evolution, with setbacks seen as valuable lessons. By embracing discomfort as part of self-growth, individuals open themselves to new possibilities, propelling towards self-improvement and fulfillment.

To help people push beyond their comfort zones, Dr. Pninit Russo-Netzer of Tel-Aviv University offers a practical protocol allowing them to plan and execute challenging yet psychologically safe activities of their choosing. Their research suggests a gradual approach that combines flexibility and structure, encouraging:

• Self-awareness. To boost self-awareness, individuals can begin by listing activities they wish to try that diverge from their usual routine. These activities might include small or significant challenges, solo pursuits or group endeavors. Breaking down these goals into actionable steps, setting specific times for activities and recording experiences are practical strategies for personal growth.
• Experimentation. Experimenting with an open mind entails adopting a receptive attitude to facilitate exploration and overcome fear of risk and uncertainty. According to the authors, one can expand their “growth muscle” to broaden their comfort zone. This involves regularly exposing oneself to new experiences within familiar settings such as, trying new hobbies, tastes or interactions, or even adopting a tourist mindset in one’s own neighborhood. This novelty and surprise can usher in enriching life experiences.

Breaking free from the cycle of emotional coasting requires a deliberate shift in mindset and behavior. Implementing these strategies can provide the necessary nudge in the right direction, empowering you to navigate life with clarity and purpose.

Is your anxiety hindering you from truly experiencing your emotions? Take the Anxiety Sensitivity Test to learn more.

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Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows

The relationship expert reads one of the most controversial modern love essays ever published..

This transcript was created using speech recognition software. While it has been reviewed by human transcribers, it may contain errors. Please review the episode audio before quoting from this transcript and email [email protected] with any questions.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

From “The New York Times,” I’m Anna Martin. This is “Modern Love.” Today, I’m talking to the most famous couples therapist in the world, Esther Perel. Esther’s books, “Mating in Captivity” and “State of Affairs,” have forced so many of us, myself included, to rethink our assumptions about love. Like maybe it’s unrealistic to expect the passion and fire we feel at the beginning of a relationship to last forever. And when one partner cheats on the other, what if it could actually bring the couple closer, instead of tearing them apart?

On her podcast, “Where Should We Begin,” Esther lets us eavesdrop on sessions with real couples. People come to her with impossible problems, and she somehow guides them to a breakthrough. She gives them hope. When I listen to Esther’s podcast, I feel like I’m getting a free therapy session, so I wasn’t surprised in the slightest when she told me that people come up to her in public all the time and ask her deeply personal questions.

The grocery store is one place, but airplanes is even better.

Oh, no, Esther. If I were you, I’d be really scared to fly.

[LAUGHS]: They’re suspended in the air, and they tell you lots of things. And it is often about, can trust be repaired when it’s been broken? Can you bring a spark back when it’s gone? Can you rekindle desire when it’s been dormant for so long? What do you do when you’re angry at yourself for having stayed when you think you should have left? Or what do you do when you’re angry at yourself when you’ve left and now you think you should have stayed?

You’re like, I’m just at the grocery store, man. I need to check out.

Clearly, people are struggling so much to be happy in long-term relationships that they’re cornering this woman basically everywhere she goes. And these things people ask Esther about, they’re exactly the kinds of high-stakes, make-or-break questions that come up in the essay she chose for our show today. It’s called “What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity,” by Karin Jones.

Karin’s essay was one of the most controversial pieces ever published in the history of the “Modern Love” column. But when it comes to talking about sex and relationships, nothing is too taboo for Esther.

Esther Perel, welcome to “Modern Love.”

It’s a pleasure to be here.

So you’re going to read Karin Jones’s “Modern Love” essay. We’re going to talk all about infidelity. But before we get into that, I learned something about you that I need to know more about. You are fluent in nine languages. And you conduct therapy in seven of them? Is that true?

Yes. So I grew up in Belgium, in the Flemish part of Belgium, and I was educated in Flemish for 12 years. But we also spoke French and German and Polish and Yiddish at home.

So we had five languages in the house. And then I studied Spanish, Portuguese, Hebrew, and English. That comes to nine.

Would you ever do one more just to bring it to a solid 10?

I always wanted to study Arabic.

OK, in your free time, in your ample free time.

Are there certain languages that have better vocabulary for talking about the nuances of love and relationships than others?

That is a very difficult question to answer because my love language, the language in which I learned poetry, songs, novels, et cetera, was primarily French. And so, of course, I would say French. But that may be because I was inducted in it, rather than the language itself. What I can say is that certain cultures are more fluent in the language of feelings, love, relationships, and desire and sexuality than maybe English or Anglo cultures that are more pragmatic, more practical.

I think in therapy, sometimes, I find that there is certain cultures that allow me to speak differently about death, differently about the relationship of the individual to the collective. What I will say is this. In a therapy session, if a person tells me something and it needs to be said in his own language, I will ask them to translate it and to say it in their mother tongue, because you hear instantly the difference, the tone, the timber, the tremble.

And I know it. It’s like, I don’t even have to understand what they’re saying. I know that there is an authenticity and a truth to it that is very different. Sometimes, afterwards, I say, what did you say? But sometimes, I don’t even need to. I know when they say, “I feel alone,” “I ache for you,” “I miss you,” “where have you gone,” “I can’t forget you.” You don’t really need to understand the words to understand the effect.

Esther, the “Modern Love” essay you’re going to read for us today tackles a topic that I bet is very hard to talk about in almost any language. It’s called “What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity” by Karin Jones. The author Karin is recently divorced, and she becomes the other woman to several men.

When I read that title, I kind of expect this story is going to be about all the sex she’s having or the secrets or how they’re hiding it. But you’ve worked with so many couples who are in the throes of dealing with cheating. So what does the word “infidelity” signal to you?

I wrote a book about infidelity. So I will say that one of my attempts in writing this book was to translate in writing the complexity of this experience that can be so shattering, that can fracture a family and an entire legacy. It needs more than just good, bad, victim, perpetrator, villain, saint. That there’s too much happening and for too many people that are involved to try to reduce it.

Infidelity is often about a lot of things, but sex. It’s about betrayal. It’s about violation of trust. It’s about lying. It’s about duplicity. It’s about deception. And sex is a piece of this, but that is not necessarily the only thing.

Oof. Esther, I am so excited to hear you read this. Whenever you’re ready.

OK. “What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity” by Karin Jones.

“I’m not sure it’s possible to justify my liaison with married men, but what I learned from having them warrants discussion. Not between the wives and me, though I would be interested to hear their side. No, this discussion should happen between wives and husbands annually, the way we inspect the tire tread on the family car to avoid accidents.

A few years ago, while living in London, I dated married men for companionship while I processed the grief of being newly divorced.

When I created a profile on Tinder and on OkCupid saying I was looking for no strings attached encounters, plenty of single men messaged me, and I got together with several of them. But many married men messaged me, too.

After being married for 23 years, I wanted sex, but not a relationship. This is dicey because you can’t always control emotional attachments when body chemicals mix. But with the married man, I guess that the fact that they had wives, children, and mortgages would keep them from going overboard with their affections. And I was right. They didn’t get overly attached, and neither did I. We were safe bets for each other.

I was careful about the men I met. I wanted to make sure they had no interest in leaving their wives or otherwise threatening all they had built together. In a couple of cases, the men I met were married to women who had become disabled and could no longer be sexual, but the husbands remained devoted to them.

All told, I communicated with maybe a dozen men during that time in my life. I had sex with fewer than half. Others, I texted or talked with, which sometimes felt nearly as intimate. Before I met each man, I would ask, why are you doing this? I wanted assurance that all he desired was sex. What surprised me was that these husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex.

I met one man whose wife had implicitly consented to her husband having a lover because she was no longer interested in sex at all. They both, to some degree, got what they needed without having to give up what they wanted. But the other husbands I met would have preferred to be having sex with their wives, and for whatever reason, that wasn’t happening.

I know what it feels like to go off sex, and I know what it’s like to want more than my partner. It’s also a tall order to have sex with the same person for more years than our ancestors ever hoped to live. Then, at menopause, a woman’s hormones suddenly drop, and her desire can wane. At 49, I was just about there myself and terrified of losing my desire for sex. Men don’t have this drastic change, so we have an imbalance, an elephant-sized problem so burdensome and shameful, we can scarcely muster the strength to talk about it.

If you read the work of Esther Perel, the author of the book ‘State of Affairs,’ you’ll learn that for many wives, sex outside of marriage is their way of breaking free from being the responsible spouses and mothers they have to be at home. Married sex for them often feels obligatory. An affair is adventure. Meanwhile, the husbands I spent time with would have been fine with obligatory sex. For them, adventure was not the main reason for their adultery.

The first time I saw my favorite married man pick up his pint of beer, the sleeve of his well-tailored suit pulled back from his wrist to reveal a geometric kaleidoscope of tattoos. He was clean shaven and well-mannered with a little rebel yell underneath. The night I saw the full canvas of his tattoo masterpiece, we drank prosecco, listened to ‘80s music, and, yes, had sex.

We also talked. I asked him, what if you said to your wife, look, I love you and the kids, but I need sex in my life? Can I just have the occasional fling or a casual affair? He sighed. If I asked her that kind of question, it would kill her, he said. So you don’t want to hurt her, but you lie to her instead? Personally, I’d rather know, I said.

It’s not necessarily a lie if you don’t confess the truth. It’s kind of to stay silent, he said. I’m just saying I couldn’t do that. I don’t want to be afraid of talking honestly about my sex life with the man I’m married to, and that includes being able to at least raise the subject of sex outside of marriage, I said. Good luck with that, he said.

I never convinced any husband that he can be honest about what he was doing, but they were mostly good-natured about it, like a patient father responding to a child who keeps asking why, why, why. Maybe I was being too pragmatic about the issues that are loaded with guilt, resentment, and fear. After all, it’s far easier to talk theoretically about marriage than to navigate it.

But my attitude is that if my spouse were to need something I couldn’t give him, I wouldn’t keep him from getting it elsewhere, as long as he did so in a way that didn’t endanger our family. I suppose I would hope his needs would involve fishing trips or beers with friends, but sex is basic.

Physical intimacy with other human beings is essential to our health and well-being. So how do we deny such a need to the one that we care about most? If our primary relationship nourishes and stabilizes us, but lacks intimacy, we shouldn’t have to destroy our marriage to get that intimacy somewhere else. Should we?

I didn’t have a full-on affair with the tattooed husband. We slept together maybe four times over a few years. More often, we talked on the phone. After our second night together, though, I could tell this was about more than sex for him. He was desperate for affection. He said he wanted to be close to his wife, but couldn’t because they were unable to get past their fundamental disconnect — lack of sex. That led to a lack of closeness, which made sex even less likely, and then turned into resentment and blame.

I’m not saying the answer is non-monogamy. That can be rife with risks and unintended entanglements. I believe the answer is honesty and dialogue, no matter how frightening. Lack of sex in marriage is common, and it shouldn’t lead to shame and silence. By the same token, an affair doesn’t have to lead to the end of a marriage. What if an affair, or ideally, simply, the urge to have one, can be the beginning of a necessary conversation about sex and intimacy?

What these husbands couldn’t do was have the difficult discussion with their wives that would force them to tackle the issues at the root of their cheating. They tried to convince me that they were being kind by keeping their affairs secret. They seemed to have convinced themselves. But deception and lying are ultimately corrosive, not kind.

In the end, I had to wonder if what these men couldn’t face was something else altogether — hearing why their wives no longer wanted to have sex with them. It’s much easier after all to set up an account on Tinder.”

Thanks so much for that reading, Esther. You know, it’s so funny because Karin Jones directly quotes you in her piece. And I feel like that is the first time ever we’ve had someone read an essay where they’re directly quoted.

Did anything jump out at you as you were reading?

What jumps out is she tackles a lot of different things — the subject of what is sexual aliveness, what is it that people actually lose when they stop being sexual with their partner, and how that loss of intimacy makes the sex even more complicated. She talked about the loss, the longing that this man has. I’ve often said that at the heart of affairs, you find duplicity and cheating and betrayal, but you also find longing and loss for the life that one had, for the parts of oneself that have been denied.

When we come back, I talk to Esther about the harsh criticism this essay got and why Esther thinks Karin Jones deserves more credit. Stay with us.

So Esther, this essay by Karin Jones was kind of a lightning rod when it was published. A ton of people were very critical of the author, saying she was sleeping with these men, but then also having conversations with them where she was like, it’s very wrong of you not to tell your wife what you’re up to. Why do you think this essay got so much backlash?

I think that the reaction to stories of infidelity are often intense. It’s a subject for which people are very quickly dogmatic because they have experienced the effects of it.

When I am in an audience, like if I was to ask, have you been affected by the experience of infidelity in your life, either because one of your parents was unfaithful or because you yourself had a child of an illicit affair, or because you had a friend on whose shoulder somebody weeping, or you had a confidant of someone who is in a complete bliss of an affair, or because you are the third person in the triangle, and about 80 percent of the people will raise their hand.

Wow. I mean, 80 percent sounds like a surprisingly large number, but when you explain it like that with different tendrils of an affair that affect everyone around the affair, not just the people in it, it makes total sense.

And it raises intense feelings in people. Karin Jones, she may have gotten the range of it, but you will hear more loudly the ones who say, you are a homewrecker, which, by the way, does not exist in the masculine.

Right, right.

The homewrecker is always a woman because the woman is the one who says yes, and therefore, if the woman hadn’t said yes, then he wouldn’t be able to do it. And then he would not be wrecking his family.

Yeah, there’s no other man either, by the way. It’s always the other woman.

Huh, there’s no other man.

Not in any of nine languages you speak.

No, because there’s never been another man who necessarily was willing to live in the shadow of a woman for his entire life.

That is so fascinating.

Her lover, [INAUDIBLE] you know her lover, but the other woman usually means that she lives in the shadow. She doesn’t just have a secret. She is the secret. That is the hardest thing about it. When people are writing to her, you can ask yourself, are they looking from the perspective of what it meant for her, or are they looking from the perspective of what it did to me, or to us?

Yeah, I mean, a lot of the criticism directed at Karin Jones, it seems, is coming from that perspective of saying, look what she did. Look at the harm she caused. Look at the pain she caused.

Which it is. Which it is.

Right, not discounting that, but it is interesting because her piece is so much about meaning making, right? That’s the whole conceit of her essay, is mining these experiences for meaning, and yet, people came with criticism. I wonder if this is like a kind of unfair question, but I wonder if there is an ethical way to be the other person. Is there a responsible way to do it without participating in hurt?

That depends. That depends. If you think the whole thing is unethical and is an egregious betrayal of trust and violation, then you will say no. I think the responsibility lies on the person who goes out, not on the lover.

Here’s what many people often say, is like, if you had asked me or if you had told me, but you made a decision without me. You made a decision about our marriage that did not involve me at all. And fair point. Of course, they know for a fact, too, that if they had been asked, they would have said no. But there is the things that you say after, and there is the things that you say before.

So, ultimately, I feel like I hear you agreeing with Karin Jones here that there are really important conversations that need to be happening between these husbands and their wives that actually don’t even have that much to do with Karin. Can you tell me more about that?

The conversation that Karin Jones would like these men to have with their wives is the conversations that take place in my book “Mating in Captivity,” because “Mating in Captivity” explored the dilemmas of desire inside relationships and why do people cease wanting. And could they want what they already have? And why does good sex fade, even in couples who still love each other as much as ever? And why do kids often deliver a fatal erotic blow?

What happens when they don’t have this conversation and they go elsewhere — and it’s not just a conversation about monogamy. It’s really a conversation of, what does sex mean to you? What do you want to experience in sex? Is it a place for connection?

Is it a place for transcendence, for spiritual union, to be naughty, to finally not be a good citizen, to be playful, to be taken care of, to surrender, to be safely dominant? What parts of you do you connect with through sexuality, rather than how often do we have sex, and we never have sex, and why don’t we do it more. So, that is a very different conversation.

But as Karin points to in her essay, and as you certainly point to in your book, those conversations are so difficult to have, even though this is the person we’re supposed to be the closest to. Why is that?

Because we grow up learning to be silent about sex and never talk about it. And then suddenly, we are expected to talk about it with the person we lov. Or in other words, sex is dirty, but save it for the one you love. It’s like we have very little practice talking about it.

We don’t get any of it in schools. Certainly, most families don’t talk about it either. And when we talk about sexuality, we talk about the dangers and the diseases and the dysfunctions. We don’t talk about intimacy. We don’t actually mix the word “sexuality” and “relationships” as one whole.

Yeah, and I mean, if we don’t talk about intimacy or the lack of it with a partner, that can, in some cases, lead to people going outside the marriage to find that intimacy they’re lacking in it. I’m thinking about Karin’s favorite married man, the one with all the tattoos. He says, it’s not necessarily a lie if you don’t confess the truth. It’s kinder to stay silent. In your experience working with couples, is he right? Is that true?

This is a very cultural question.

Because you live in a society here that believes in the moral cure of truth. But there are many societies for whom truth and honesty are not measured by the confession, but they are measured by what it will be like for the other person to walk with this on the street, meaning that they will consider the confession often as cruelty.

That, so what? So now you’ve got it off your chest. So now you’re less guilty, and now I have to live with this? Why don’t you just keep this to yourself, kind of thing. This is very cultural because in the United States, that is not the common view.

The common view is that the confession is the best state, even if you’re going to wreck the other person’s life for the next five years to come, which — and I am left with a question mark. But when I answer this question, I ask people about their own cultural codes as well. I do not impose mine. And mine fluctuates depending on the context. I think these questions are highly contextual, more than dogmatic.

We’ve talked about how there’s so many unsaid things between a couple that can lead to distance and infidelity. If a couple is feeling themselves drifting apart from each other emotionally, sexually, both, what are some things you could encourage them to do that might help?

Hmm. I like to coach people to do letter writing. Sometimes I make one person turn their back, and I make the other person write a letter on the back of the other person.

Oh, physically on the back?

Yes, but it’s a fake. You’re writing — you’re pretending to write, but you’re writing on the back. But that way, you don’t see the person.

Interesting.

Hi, Anna. This is something that I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a long time. And I give them the prompt. We never talk much about sexuality between us. For some reason, I decided a long time ago that you wouldn’t want to. But maybe it was I who didn’t know how to. And basically, they write these whole letters, in which they end up telling each other much of what they have never spoken.

I love that. What a kind and beautiful and compassionate way of easing into a conversation you’ve been afraid of having. Esther Perel, thank you so much for that idea. And thank you for talking with me today.

Thank you for having me.

Esther Perel is on tour in the US right now. Her show is called An Evening with Esther Perel, The Future of Relationships, Love, and Desire. Check her website for more details and to buy tickets. She told me she’s going to create an erotic experience in these theaters, so you do not want to miss that.

“Modern Love” is produced by Julia Botero, Chrstina Djossa, Reva Goldberg, Davis Land, and Emily Lange. It’s edited by our executive producer Jen Poyant and Davis Land. The “Modern Love” theme music is by Dan Powell. Original music by Dan Powell, Marion Lozano, Pat McCusker, Rowan Niemisto, Carole Sabouraud, and Diane Wong.

This episode was mixed by Daniel Ramirez. Our show was recorded by Maddy Masiello. Digital production by Mahima Chablani and Nell Gallogly. The “Modern Love” column is edited by Daniel Jones. Miya Lee is the editor of “Modern Love” projects. I’m Anna Martin. Thanks for listening.

• April 10, 2024   •   29:18 Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows
• April 3, 2024   •   27:31 The Second Best Way to Get Divorced, According to Maya Hawke
• March 27, 2024   •   32:38 How to Be Real With Your Kids
• March 20, 2024   •   32:14 Why Samin Nosrat Is Now ‘Fully YOLO’
• March 13, 2024   •   32:32 Brittany Howard Sings Through the Pangs of New Love
• March 6, 2024   •   33:21 Novelist Celeste Ng on the Big Power of Little Things
• February 28, 2024   •   37:46 Three Powerful Lessons About Love
• February 23, 2024   •   33:45 Modern Love at the Movies: Our Favorite Oscar-Worthy Love Stories
• February 21, 2024   •   25:21 A Politics Reporter Walks Into a Singles Mixer
• February 14, 2024   •   28:39 Un-Marry Me!
• December 6, 2023   •   29:18 I Married My Subway Crush
• November 29, 2023   •   34:56 Our 34-Year Age Gap Didn’t Matter, Until It Did

Hosted by Anna Martin

Produced by Julia Botero ,  Christina Djossa ,  Reva Goldberg and Emily Lang

Edited by Jen Poyant and Davis Land

Engineered by Daniel Ramirez

Original music by Pat McCusker ,  Marion Lozano ,  Carole Sabouraud ,  Rowan Niemisto ,  Diane Wong and Dan Powell

Listen and follow Modern Love Apple Podcasts | Spotify

‘at the heart of affairs, you find duplicity and cheating and betrayal, but you also find longing and loss for the life that one had, for the parts of oneself that have been denied’.

Over the last two decades, Esther Perel has become a world-famous couples therapist by persistently advocating frank conversations about infidelity, sex and intimacy. Today, Perel reads one of the most provocative Modern Love essays ever published: “ What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity ,” by Karin Jones.

In her 2018 essay, Jones wrote about her experience seeking out no-strings-attached flings with married men after her divorce. What she found, to her surprise, was how much the men missed having sex with their own wives, and how afraid they were to tell them.

Jones faced a heavy backlash after the essay was published. Perel reflects on why conversations around infidelity are still so difficult and why she thinks Jones deserves more credit.

Esther Perel is on tour in the U.S. Her show is called “An Evening With Esther Perel: The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire.” Check her website for more details.

Links to transcripts of episodes generally appear on these pages within a week.

Modern Love is hosted by Anna Martin and produced by Julia Botero, Reva Goldberg, Emily Lang and Christina Djossa. The show is edited by Davis Land and Jen Poyant, our executive producer. The show is mixed by Daniel Ramirez and recorded by Maddy Masiello. It features original music by Pat McCusker, Dan Powell, Marion Lozano, Carole Sabouraud, Rowan Niemisto and Diane Wong. Our theme music is by Dan Powell.

Special thanks to Larissa Anderson, Kate LoPresti, Lisa Tobin, Daniel Jones, Miya Lee, Mahima Chablani, Nell Gallogly, Jeffrey Miranda, Isabella Anderson, Reyna Desai, Renan Borelli, Nina Lassam and Julia Simon.

Thoughts? Email us at [email protected] . Want more from Modern Love ? Read past stories . Watch the TV series and sign up for the newsletter . We also have swag at the NYT Store and two books, “ Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption ” and “ Tiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less .”

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As Columbus pushes massive zoning overhaul, city hires PR firm to bolster public support

For more than two years Mayor Andrew J. Ginther's administration has been paying a private public relations firm more than $260,000 to help gain public support for his housing strategy, which includes expanding tax abatements citywide and a massive zoning overhaul unveiled in the past two weeks.

The firm's objectives include to "rally the community to this common vision" and to "create a strategic communications plan."

A Dispatch review of public records reveals a behind-the-scenes effort that included the firm writing an emotional draft letter to the editor on behalf of a supposed member of the public, creating and/or revising "quotes" supposedly said by the mayor and a citizen supporter of the rezoning effort, and a team of writers drafting a public essay on the initiative signed by the mayor, but for which it is unclear if Ginther ever saw.

In essence, documents suggest that Paul Werth Associates worked in concert with the city's Department of Development to create a top-down public relations campaign funded by city taxpayers, but also produced work product that sometimes gave the impression of a bottom-up grassroots movement. The city called the work "standard industry practice."

Key messages developed by the firm included that central Ohio residents "must embrace greater density in their neighborhoods if we are to remain economically competitive and create prosperity for everyone," or face a "housing crisis that could displace working families and force our most vulnerable residents into homelessness."

They also developed a marketing framework: Build, Preserve, Invest, Include. The region must build more units, preserve existing affordability, invest public dollars in housing the market won't provide, and include everyone by getting the public to embrace new-housing density "in their own neighborhoods."

The goal was to "sustain a drumbeat of communication on the Columbus Housing Strategy," according to a July 2022 email by Jennifer Fening, deputy director in the city development department, to Paul Werth officials. "...What other narratives should we put forth, to demonstrate action (for) the Build, Preserve, Invest, Include framework? What channels/tactics should we use?"

Much of what the firm did on behalf of the city remains unclear. The development department and the firm declined to answer a list of questions from The Dispatch, including what the firm provided under the section of its contract dealing with "social media." Its contract calls for it to develop and schedule social media content, including "monitoring channels, and engaging with followers."

But it was clear that the firm created other content under the contract designed to look like an everyday citizen had said it, and was not a product of a taxpayer-financed marketing effort.

Deliverables under the contract with Paul Werth include workshop agendas, discussion guides, fact sheets, policy briefs and "messaging documents to educate audiences." The city contract also requires Paul Werth to electronically submit "strategic communications plans" in a "final document." It is unclear whether the city provided those strategy plans in response to a public records request, as it repeatedly declined to discuss the matter.

Paul Werth firm writes emotional letter

In early December, upset over a Dispatch story on Ginther's efforts to expand property tax abatements from older neighborhoods into thriving sections of Columbus, Michael Stevens, director of the development department, informed The Dispatch by email that "one of the experts who spoke at (city) hearings will be submitting a letter to the editor on this coverage."

That same day, Dec. 8, 2023, Dan Williamson, once a senior adviser to former Mayor Michael B. Coleman — who was now heading the Paul Werth team assigned to the city PR project — emailed Fening and two other Development officials: "Here's a first draft."

Attached was a document that embedded metadata shows was created by Williamson earlier that day, which read:

"To the Editor:

"It saddened me to read Friday’s Dispatch story about the proposed Community Reinvestment Area (CRA) expansion in the City of Columbus. The Central Ohio community has come together to recognize the threat posed by our housing shortage and the consequences of inaction. Other media outlets have given balanced, thoughtful coverage to this important issue.

"I joined other community members (name them) to voice our support for the CRA proposal before City Council. But the Dispatch story didn’t mention any of us, quoting instead the mayor’s political opponent, who lost the November election. Those of us who work every day to provide housing to Columbus residents deserve better. So do your readers."

The "political opponent" referenced was Joe Motil, who unsuccessfully ran against Ginther in November.

Stevens declined to respond to questions, including whether this was the letter he referred to in his email to The Dispatch dated the same day, whether he asked Paul Werth to create it, and whether the city had asked anyone to lend their name to it.

The letter was never submitted to The Dispatch.

"Our engagement with Paul Werth reflects standard industry practice," Sheldon Goodrum, the development department spokesman who worked closely with Paul Werth on the project, said in an April 1 email in which he declined to answer questions about a series of incidents revealed in emails, including "media training" the firm gave to Department of Development employees in 2023.

"Today is my last day with the City of Columbus," Goodrum added in the email, referring questions to a new spokesman, Cameron Keir, the spokesperson for Ginther's mayoral campaign last year.

Firm crafts Affordable Housing Trust quote

In November 2022 Goodrum emailed Lark Mallory, president and CEO of the Affordable Housing Trust for Columbus and Franklin County, which has received millions of dollars from the city for affordable housing initiatives and which Stevens is a member of the 11-person board, five of whom are appointed by Ginther and Franklin County.

Goodrum asked Mallory to "share a quote with me" for an in-house city housing strategy publication. She responded that Williamson had already "offered to draft something I could tweak."

Williamson responded to the group email: "Thank you Lark. How's this? 'If we can speed up our review and permitting processes, it will be great news for affordable housing development and for our emerging developers.'"

Mallory responded that the suggested quote neither named her organization nor any projects it had partnered on. "I'd like the quote to include our name. Let me know if that's possible?" She gave them some projects to craft a different quote around.

Goodrum responded: "We'd like the quote to be a little broader, addressing the need for more housing in the region, why it's so important, what you and your partners are doing, etc. Thanks!"

The final quote that appeared under Mallory's name was similar to a draft that included mention of two housing projects, but added to it was that they were "the type of creative, transformational solutions we need to address our housing needs."

Mallory didn't return a call left with her office.

Emails show Williamson crafting and refining a quote for Ginther that appeared in the same report. The Dispatch asked the firm and the department when the mayor made that statement that was quoted, but received no response.

PR team writes Ginther op-ed

City records show a team of PR people from the firm and the city labored over the creation of a piece submitted under Ginther's name to The Dispatch in December.

"Our current zoning code was created to serve the Columbus of the 1950s," the piece said. "...We've engaged residents from all corners of the city to join us in visualizing and evaluating a modernized zoning code."

"Most of our changes are outlined with comments, but I also punched up the opening paragraph a bit," emailed Kevin Kilbane, city director of communications, to seven other people, including Williamson, showing numerous edits.

"Attached for your review is the mayor's contributed column to The Dispatch," Fening emailed to Robin Davis, Ginther's former chief of staff, who also recently left her city job.

No one at the firm or city responded when asked if Ginther ever saw this essay before it was published , which appeared under the byline: Andrew J. Ginther, guest columnist.

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