positive social problem solving skills

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The SkillsYouNeed Guide to Interpersonal Skills

Social problem-solving might also be called ‘ problem-solving in real life ’. In other words, it is a rather academic way of describing the systems and processes that we use to solve the problems that we encounter in our everyday lives.

The word ‘ social ’ does not mean that it only applies to problems that we solve with other people, or, indeed, those that we feel are caused by others. The word is simply used to indicate the ‘ real life ’ nature of the problems, and the way that we approach them.

Social problem-solving is generally considered to apply to four different types of problems:

• Impersonal problems, for example, shortage of money;
• Personal problems, for example, emotional or health problems;
• Interpersonal problems, such as disagreements with other people; and
• Community and wider societal problems, such as litter or crime rate.

A Model of Social Problem-Solving

One of the main models used in academic studies of social problem-solving was put forward by a group led by Thomas D’Zurilla.

This model includes three basic concepts or elements:

Problem-solving

This is defined as the process used by an individual, pair or group to find an effective solution for a particular problem. It is a self-directed process, meaning simply that the individual or group does not have anyone telling them what to do. Parts of this process include generating lots of possible solutions and selecting the best from among them.

A problem is defined as any situation or task that needs some kind of a response if it is to be managed effectively, but to which no obvious response is available. The demands may be external, from the environment, or internal.

A solution is a response or coping mechanism which is specific to the problem or situation. It is the outcome of the problem-solving process.

Once a solution has been identified, it must then be implemented. D’Zurilla’s model distinguishes between problem-solving (the process that identifies a solution) and solution implementation (the process of putting that solution into practice), and notes that the skills required for the two are not necessarily the same. It also distinguishes between two parts of the problem-solving process: problem orientation and actual problem-solving.

Problem Orientation

Problem orientation is the way that people approach problems, and how they set them into the context of their existing knowledge and ways of looking at the world.

Each of us will see problems in a different way, depending on our experience and skills, and this orientation is key to working out which skills we will need to use to solve the problem.

An Example of Orientation

Most people, on seeing a spout of water coming from a loose joint between a tap and a pipe, will probably reach first for a cloth to put round the joint to catch the water, and then a phone, employing their research skills to find a plumber.

A plumber, however, or someone with some experience of plumbing, is more likely to reach for tools to mend the joint and fix the leak. It’s all a question of orientation.

Problem-Solving

Problem-solving includes four key skills:

• Defining the problem,
• Coming up with alternative solutions,
• Making a decision about which solution to use, and
• Implementing that solution.

Based on this split between orientation and problem-solving, D’Zurilla and colleagues defined two scales to measure both abilities.

They defined two orientation dimensions, positive and negative, and three problem-solving styles, rational, impulsive/careless and avoidance.

They noted that people who were good at orientation were not necessarily good at problem-solving and vice versa, although the two might also go together.

It will probably be obvious from these descriptions that the researchers viewed positive orientation and rational problem-solving as functional behaviours, and defined all the others as dysfunctional, leading to psychological distress.

The skills required for positive problem orientation are:

Being able to see problems as ‘challenges’, or opportunities to gain something, rather than insurmountable difficulties at which it is only possible to fail.

For more about this, see our page on The Importance of Mindset ;

Believing that problems are solvable. While this, too, may be considered an aspect of mindset, it is also important to use techniques of Positive Thinking ;

Believing that you personally are able to solve problems successfully, which is at least in part an aspect of self-confidence.

See our page on Building Confidence for more;

Understanding that solving problems successfully will take time and effort, which may require a certain amount of resilience ; and

Motivating yourself to solve problems immediately, rather than putting them off.

See our pages on Self-Motivation and Time Management for more.

Those who find it harder to develop positive problem orientation tend to view problems as insurmountable obstacles, or a threat to their well-being, doubt their own abilities to solve problems, and become frustrated or upset when they encounter problems.

The skills required for rational problem-solving include:

The ability to gather information and facts, through research. There is more about this on our page on defining and identifying problems ;

The ability to set suitable problem-solving goals. You may find our page on personal goal-setting helpful;

The application of rational thinking to generate possible solutions. You may find some of the ideas on our Creative Thinking page helpful, as well as those on investigating ideas and solutions ;

Good decision-making skills to decide which solution is best. See our page on Decision-Making for more; and

Implementation skills, which include the ability to plan, organise and do. You may find our pages on Action Planning , Project Management and Solution Implementation helpful.

There is more about the rational problem-solving process on our page on Problem-Solving .

Potential Difficulties

Those who struggle to manage rational problem-solving tend to either:

• Rush things without thinking them through properly (the impulsive/careless approach), or
• Avoid them through procrastination, ignoring the problem, or trying to persuade someone else to solve the problem (the avoidance mode).

This ‘ avoidance ’ is not the same as actively and appropriately delegating to someone with the necessary skills (see our page on Delegation Skills for more).

Instead, it is simple ‘buck-passing’, usually characterised by a lack of selection of anyone with the appropriate skills, and/or an attempt to avoid responsibility for the problem.

An Academic Term for a Human Process?

You may be thinking that social problem-solving, and the model described here, sounds like an academic attempt to define very normal human processes. This is probably not an unreasonable summary.

However, breaking a complex process down in this way not only helps academics to study it, but also helps us to develop our skills in a more targeted way. By considering each element of the process separately, we can focus on those that we find most difficult: maximum ‘bang for your buck’, as it were.

Continue to: Decision Making Creative Problem-Solving

See also: What is Empathy? Social Skills

Social Skills: Promoting Positive Behavior, Academic Success, and School Safety

Good social skills are critical to successful functioning in life. These skills enable us to know what to say, how to make good choices, and how to behave in diverse situations. The extent to which children and adolescents possess good social skills can influence their academic performance, behavior, social and family relationships, and involvement in extracurricular activities. Social skills are also linked to the quality of the school environment and school safety.

While most children pick up positive skills through their everyday interactions with adults and peers, it is important that educators and parents reinforce this casual learning with direct and indirect instruction. We must also recognize when and where children pick up behaviors that might be detrimental to their development or safety. In the past, schools have relied exclusively on families to teach children important interpersonal and conflict resolution skills. However, increased negative societal influences and demands on family life make it imperative that schools partner with parents to facilitate this social learning process. This is particularly true today given the critical role that social skills play in maintaining a positive school environment and reducing school violence.?

Consequences of Good Social Skills?

With a full repertoire of social skills, students will have the ability to make social choices that will strengthen their interpersonal relationships and facilitate success in school. Some consequences of good social skills include:

• Positive and safe school environment.
• Child resiliency in the face of future crises or other stressful life events.
• Students who seek appropriate and safe avenues for aggression and frustration.
• Children who take personal responsibility for promoting school safety.

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Consequences of Poor Social Skills

Students with poor social skills have been shown to:

• Experience difficulties in interpersonal relationships with parents, teachers, and peers.
• Evoke highly negative responses from others that lead to high levels of peer rejection.? Peer rejection has been linked on several occasions with school violence.
• Show signs of depression, aggression and anxiety.
• Demonstrate poor academic performance as an indirect consequence.
• Show a higher incidence of involvement in the criminal justice system as adults.

Impact on School Safety

Given the demonstrated relationship between social skills and school safety, schools are increasingly seeking ways to help students develop positive social skills, both in school and in the community. Social skills related to school safety include:

• Anger management
• Recognizing/understanding others’ point of view
• Social problem solving
• Peer negotiation
• Conflict management
• Peer resistance skills
• Active listening
• Effective communication
• Increased acceptance and tolerance of diverse groups

In isolation, social skills are not sufficient to ensure school safety; interventions should not be limited to student instruction and training. Change in the school culture should be facilitated by infusing social skills training into a comprehensive system of school safety and discipline policies, emphasizing relationship-building between students and faculty (teachers and administrators) and between schools and families, and providing effective behavior management and academic instruction.

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Defining Types of Social Skills

While there are hundreds of important social skills for students to learn, we can organize them into skill areas to make it easier to identify and determine appropriate interventions. For example, the “Stop and Think” program organizes skills into four areas:

• Survival skills (e.g., listening, following directions, ignoring distractions, using nice or brave talk, rewarding yourself)
• Interpersonal skills (e.g., sharing, asking for permission, joining an activity, waiting your turn)
• Problem-solving skills (e.g., asking for help, apologizing, accepting consequences, deciding what to do)
• Conflict resolution skills (e.g., dealing with teasing, losing, accusations, being left out, peer pressure)

Identifying Social Skills Deficits?

Prior to determining the best means to help a student develop better social skills, it is important to understand specifically what a student can and can’t do. It is crucial to assess and classify the nature of a child’s social skill deficits in order to devise and implement the most appropriate intervention.?

Children may experience difficulty performing a skill:

• Due to lack of knowledge (acquisition deficits), e.g., the child does not know the skills or does not discriminate when a skill is appropriate. For example, a child grabs a pencil from a peer in class when she needs one because she does not know how to appropriately ask to borrow it.
• Consistently despite knowledge (performance deficits), e.g., the child knows how to perform the skills but fails to do so consistently or at an acceptable level of competence. For example, although the child understand that he should raise his hand to speak in class, and does so much of the time, he will sometimes blurt out a comment without raising his hand.
• To a sufficient degree or level of strength (fluency deficits), e.g., the child knows how to perform skill and is motivated to perform, but demonstrates inadequate performance due to lack of practice or adequate feedback. For example, a student has learned what to say and do when confronted with bullying behavior, but her responses are not yet strong enough to be successful.
• Due to competing skill deficits or behaviors, e.g., internal or external factors interfere with the child demonstrating a learned skill appropriately. For example, depression, anxiety, hyperactivity, or negative motivation can interfere with demonstration of appropriate conflict resolution skills, even though the skills have been taught and learned.

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Social Skills Interventions

Effective social skills programs are comprised of two essential elements: a teaching process that uses a behavioral/social learning approach and a universal language or set of steps that facilitates the learning of new behavior. Interventions can be implemented at a school-wide, specific setting, classroom, or individual level, but at all levels the emphasis is on teaching the desired skill, not punishing negative behaviors.

Facilitate learning through normal activities. Teachers and parents must take advantage of incidental learning, in which naturally occurring behaviors or events are used to teach and reinforce appropriate social behavior. Adults can reinforce demonstrated positive social skills by praising children when they behave correctly, or offer alternatives to poor decisions to teach the more appropriate behavior. It may be necessary when working with children who have particular difficulty to intentionally “catch” them doing the right thing or devise situations in which they can make a good choice.?

Address environmental factors . The school or home environment can affect a child’s ability to learn and perform good social skills. If a child is experiencing difficulty demonstrating a particular skill, it is best to first evaluate the environment to determine what might interfere with the child’s appropriate acquisition of that skill. For instance, a student may be unruly at the beginning of the day because the teacher needs to establish more specific routines for coming into class, hanging up coats, checking in, etc. Addressing environmental obstacles like this also will benefit all children in that environment.

Address individual factors . Some children need more intensive, personalized training because of individual factors, such as a disability. These interventions might be aimed at children experiencing a specific difficulty or those who have previously been identified as at risk for behavior problems. For example, studies have shown that children with mild disabilities tend to exhibit deficient social skills and excess problem behaviors more than students without such disabilities. Interventions aimed at at-risk students are based on individual assessment of the particular child’s skills and deficits.? Selected interventions aim to prevent existing behavior problems from developing into more serious ones.

Social skills training should:

• Focus on facilitating the desirable behavior as well as eliminating the undesirable behavior.
• Emphasize the learning, performance, generalization, and maintenance of appropriate behaviors through modeling, coaching, and role-playing. It is also crucial to provide students with immediate performance feedback.
• Employ primarily positive strategies and add punitive strategies only if the positive approach is unsuccessful and the behavior is of a serious and/or dangerous nature.
• Provide training and practice opportunities in a wide range of settings with different groups and individuals in order to encourage students to generalize new skills to multiple, real life situations.
• Draw on assessment strategies, including functional assessments of behavior, to identify those children in need of more intensive interventions as well as target skills for instruction.
• Look to enhance social skills by increasing the frequency of an appropriate behavior in a particular situation. This should take place in “normal” environments to address the naturally occurring causes and consequences.

When planning social skills training programs, schools should:

• Include parents and other caregivers, both to help develop and select interventions and as significant participants in interventions. (Parents and caregivers can help reinforce the skills taught at school to further promote generalization across settings.)
• Focus on all age groups, including children below the age of 9 who are often bypassed due to the erroneous belief that they will “grow out of it.”
• Avoid a “one size fits all” approach and adapt the intervention to meet the individual or particular group needs. Students who speak English as a Second Language might need intensive social skill instruction to promote acculturation and peer acceptance. Children with disabilities might need adaptive curriculum and learning strategies. Most children will need a combination of different strategies that are matched to their particular deficits and backgrounds.

Examples of evidence-based social skills programs

Often school administrators or mental health professionals opt to introduce one of the many empirically supported, commercially published programs into their schools. Effective existing social skills training programs include:

• “Stop and Think” Social Skills Program (Knoff): Part of Project ACHIEVE (Knoff and Batsche). Has demonstrated success in reducing student discipline referrals to the principal’s office, school suspensions, and expulsions; fostering positive school climates and prosocial interactions; increasing students’ on-task behavior; and improving academic performance. http://www.projectachieve.info
• Primary Mental Health Project (Cowen et al.)? Targets children K-3 and addresses social and emotional problems that interfere with effective learning.? It has been shown to improve learning and social skills, reduce acting, shyness and anxious behaviors, and increase frustration tolerances.? http://www.sharingsuccess.org/code/eptw/profiles/48.html
• The EQUIP Program (Gibbs, Potter, & Goldstein) Offers a three-part intervention method for working with antisocial or behavior disordered adolescents. The approach includes training in moral judgment, anger management/correction of thinking errors, and prosocial skills. http://www.researchpress.com/scripts/product.asp?item=4848#5134
• The PREPARE Curriculum (Goldstein) Presents a series of 10 course-length interventions grouped into three areas: reducing aggression, reducing stress, and reducing prejudice. It is designed for use with middle school and high school students but can be adapted for use with younger students. http://www.researchpress.com/scripts/product.asp?item=5063
• The ACCEPTS Program (Walker et al) Offers a complete curriculum for teaching effective social skills to students at middle and high school levels. The program teaches peer-to-peer skills, skills for relating to adults, and self-management skills.

For further resources go to www.nasponline.org .

? 2002, National Association of School Psychologists, 4340 East West Highway, Suite 402,?Bethesda, MD, 20814, (301) 657-0270, fax (301) 657-0275 , TTY (301) 657-4155.

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Teaching Social Problem-Solving with a Free Activity

February 3, 2018 by pathway2success 5 Comments

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Kids and young adults need to be able to problem-solve on their own. Every day, kids are faced with a huge number of social situations and challenges. Whether they are just having a conversation with a peer, working with a group on a project, or dealing with an ethical dilemma, kids must use their social skills and knowledge to help them navigate tough situations. Ideally, we want kids to make positive choices entirely on their own. Of course, we know that kids don’t start off that way. They need to learn how to collaborate, communicate, cooperate, negotiate, and self-advocate.

Social problem solving skills are critical skills to learn for kids with autism, ADHD, and other social challenges. Of course, all kids and young adults benefit from these skills. They fit perfectly into a morning meeting discussion or advisory periods for older kids. Not only are these skills that kids will use in your classroom, but throughout their entire lives. They are well worth the time to teach!

Here are 5 steps to help kids learn social problem solving skills:

1. Teach kids to communicate their feelings. Being able to openly and respectfully share emotions is a foundational element to social problem solving. Teaching I statements can be a simple and effective way to kids to share their feelings. With an I statement, kids will state, “I feel ______ when _____.” The whole idea is that this type of statement allows someone to share how their feeling without targeting or blaming anyone else. Helping kids to communicate their emotions can solve many social problems from the start and encourages positive self-expression.

2. Discuss and model empathy. In order for kids to really grasp problem-solving, they need to learn how to think about the feelings of others. Literature is a great way teach and practice empathy! Talk about the feelings of characters within texts you are reading, really highlighting how they might feel in situations and why. Ask questions like, “How might they feel? Why do you think they felt that way? Would you feel the same in that situation? Why or why not?” to help teach emerging empathy skills. You can also make up your own situations and have kids share responses, too.

3. Model problem-solving skills. When a problem arises, discuss it and share some solutions how you might go forward to fix it. For example, you might say, “I was really expecting to give the class this math assignment today but I just found out we have an assembly. This wasn’t in my plans. I could try to give part of it now or I could hold off and give the assignment tomorrow instead. It’s not perfect, but I think I’ll wait that way we can go at the pace we need to.” This type of think-aloud models the type of thinking that kids should be using when a problem comes up.

4. Use social scenarios to practice. Give a scenario and have kids consider how that person might feel in that situation. Discuss options for what that person might do to solve the problem, possible consequences for their choices, and what the best decision might be. Kids can consider themselves social detectives by using the clues and what they know about social rules to help them figure out the solution. These are especially fun in small groups to have kids discuss collaboratively. Use these free social problem solving cards to start your kids off practicing!

5. Allow kids to figure it out. Don’t come to the rescue when a child or young adult has a problem. As long as it’s not a serious issue, give them time to think about it and use their problem-solving skills on their own. Of course, it’s much easier to have an adult solve all the problems but that doesn’t teach the necessary skills. When a child comes to you asking for your help with a social problem, encourage them to think about it for five minutes before coming back to you. By that point, they might have already figured out possible solutions and ideas and might not even need you anymore.

If you are interested in helping your kids learn social problem solving skills right away, consider trying out these Social Problem Solving Task Cards . They highlight real social scenarios and situations that kids can discuss. The scenarios include a variety of locations, such as in classrooms, with family, with friends, at recess, and at lunch. This set is targeted for elementary-age learners.

Of course, older kids need social problem solving skills, too! If you work with older kids, you will love these Social Problem Solving Task Cards for Middle and High School Kids. These situations target age-appropriate issues that come up in classes, with friends, with family, in the hallway, in the cafeteria, and with online and texting.

Remember that teaching social problem skills does take a little bit of planning and effort, but it will be well worth the time! Kids will use these skills to help them make social decisions in their everyday lives now and in the future!

Share this:

February 22, 2018 at 12:03 am

Thank you for sharing>

March 3, 2018 at 8:59 am

Good thought ful

March 20, 2018 at 9:24 pm

They are not free

March 21, 2018 at 8:58 am

They are! Here is the link (it’s listed under number 4): https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Free-Social-Problem-Solving-Task-Cards-2026178 I also have a paid version with a bunch more cards (for both elementary and older kids), but that will give you the freebie. Enjoy!

July 15, 2018 at 3:41 am

Awesome way to teach the skill of social problem solving.

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Greater Good Science Center • Magazine • In Action • In Education

How to Empower Students to Take Action for Social Change

Young people are increasingly aware and concerned about the problems our world is confronting, from climate change to racial disparities in society. When facing social problems, how can educators transform a child’s sense of helplessness toward hope and action?

Educators must not allow our adolescents to languish in the face of social problems and injustice. In James Baldwin’s 1963 Talk to Teachers , he reminds us of this charge: “Our obligation as educators is to entrust in our students the abilities to create conscious citizens who are vocal about reexamining their society.” It is the moral imperative of public education to foster student agency to nurture an engaged citizenry.

At the Rutgers University Social-Emotional Character Development Laboratory’s Students Taking Action Together project , we have developed a social problem-solving and action strategy, PLAN, that makes it possible for teachers to transform students’ sense of hopelessness into empowerment. It allows students to investigate a particular social problem to get to the root cause, then design an action plan to challenge the dominant power structure to make change. It emphasizes considering the issue from multiple viewpoints to develop a solution that is inclusive and viable. 

Below, we’ll describe the four components of PLAN and demonstrate how to use PLAN to empower students in grades 5-12 to take action. We hope these strategies can help you encourage your students to be more deeply engaged with today’s problems and inspired to take social action. 

P: Create a Problem description

Problems are an inherent part of our daily lives, and one of the key problem-solving skills is the ability to define a problem.

To define a problem, students working collaboratively in groups of four or five start by reviewing background sources, such as articles, speeches, and podcast episodes, and then draft a problem description . They can discuss the following questions to frame their thinking. Not all questions will be answered, yet the discussion will guide and stretch their thinking to begin defining the problem:     

• Is there a problem? How do you know?
• What is the problem?
• Who is impacted by the problem?
• What are the issues from each perspective/party involved? What is the impact on the different individuals/groups involved?
• Who is responsible for the problem? What internal and external factors might have influenced this issue?
• What is causing those responsible to use these practices?
• Who were the key people involved in making important decisions?

To illustrate this process, let’s use the example of a recent issue: Texas’s refusal of federal funding to expand health care under the Affordable Care Act for all citizens of the state. For this issue, students might write the following problem description:

Along with Texas, 13 other states have refused to accept federal funding to expand Medicaid for citizens under the Affordable Care Act (ACA). State refusals can be attributed to a variety of factors. State lawmakers fear the loss of support from voters and their political party if they accept the federal funding to expand access to health care for lower-income communities and communities of color. Public perceptions of expanding social programs and the political costs of supporting bi-partisan reform also play a role. Political obstructionism harms all citizens, causing people to go without needed medical care and perpetuating inequalities in public health.  

L: Generate a List of options to solve the problem and consider the pros and cons


Organizing for change is a skill that can be taught, even though problem solving in the political arena may feel novel and uncertain for students. Stress that while there is no guarantee of a positive outcome as they tackle a problem, brainstorming effective and inclusive solutions can help stimulate deeper awareness and discussion on the need for change. According to Irving Tallman and his colleagues , this process teaches students to apply reasoning to anticipate how solutions may play out and, ultimately, arrive at an estimate of the probability of a specific result. 

That’s where the second step of PLAN comes into play: listing the possible solutions and considering the optimal plan of action to pursue. Students will revisit the background sources that they consulted during step one to consider how the actual current-event problem has been addressed over time and reflect on their own solutions. We encourage you to facilitate a whole-class discussion, guided by the following questions:

• What options did the group consider to be acceptable ways to resolve the problem?
• What do you think about their solution? 
• What would your solution be?
• What solution did they ultimately decide to pursue?

For example, here are some solutions that students may generate as they brainstorm around health care funding in Texas: 

• Launch a letter writing campaign to Senators and Congressional representatives communicating that obstructionism of federal funding to expand health care hurts all citizens and public health.
• Develop a social media-based public service announcement about the costs of refusing federal funding to expand health care, tagging state Senators and local Congressional representatives. 
• Team up with a public health advocacy organization and learn about how to support their work in key states.

Students would then weigh the pros and cons of each solution, as well as apply perspective-taking skills to consider the needs and interests of all relevant stakeholders (e.g., government officials, insurance companies, and patients) to select what they deem to be the most effective and inclusive option. In evaluating the pros and cons of all of the solutions presented above, they may determine:

• Solutions have direct routes to communicating to politicians and have a wide audience reach.
• Solutions build student’s advocacy skills and can send a clear message to lawmakers. 
• Solutions enable students to rehearse the skills of correspondence, networking, and communicating their ideas and plans with outside agencies.
• Solutions require substantial time for additional research.
• In some solutions, students may not be addressing issues in the state they live.
• In the letter-writing solution, letters lack a broad reach and the identified state(s) may already be developing reasonable alternatives to accepting federal funds to expand health care access. 
• The solutions will require efforts to be sustained over time and will demand additional time in or beyond the classroom to orchestrate.

This essential problem-solving skill will support students in making objective, thoughtful decisions. 

A: Create an Action plan to solve the problem

After students select what they assess to be the most effective solution, they collaborate with one another to develop a specific, measurable, attainable goal and a step-by-step action plan to implement the solution. Together, researchers refer to this as the solution plan. 

For example, the goal might be to develop a one-minute public service announcement about the costs of a state’s refusal to accept federal funding to expand Medicaid under the ACA.  

The step-by-step solution plan should align with the goal to resolve the problem and increase positive consequences, while minimizing potential negative effects. Your students should keep the following in mind when developing their plans:

• Make steps as specific as possible.
• Consider who is responsible for implementing each step.
• Determine how long each action step will take to execute.
• Anticipate any challenges that you may face and how you will address them.
• Identify the data that you can collect to determine whether or not your action plan was successful.

Below is a sample action plan that students may develop to meet their public service announcement goal:


• Convene a group of students to conduct research on the ACA’s expansion of Medicaid and the states that have accepted federal aid and those that refused federal aid.
• Conduct research by interviewing school nurses, county health commissioners, and the state’s Department of Health for additional content.
• Collaborate with visual arts teachers and students to design and develop the video, and course-level teacher to review the video. 
• Post the social media public service announcement on YouTube and share on social media, tagging the appropriate audiences. 

N: Evaluate the action plan by Noticing successes

The final step of PLAN involves evaluating the success of the action plan, using the evidence collected throughout in order to notice successes. As a whole class, students consider how similar problems were solved historically, as compared to the success of their plan. They also consider aspects of the plan that went well and those that could be improved upon moving forward. Connecting to past examples of social action affirms the understanding that you don’t always get it right in the initial push for change, and that the legacy and knowledge of incomplete change is passed from one generation to the next. 

A Sample Lesson

To check out how to infuse PLAN using a historic event, check out our ready-made lesson on Fredrick Douglass’s 1852 Speech: "What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?" .

Noticing successes is essential to instilling confidence in students to exercise their voice and choice by organizing for and taking social action. Research suggests that problem-solving skills help buffer against distress when people are experiencing stressful events in life. With PLAN, we have discovered that equipping our students with problem-solving skills is a strong predictor of student agency and social action . By teaching a deliberate social problem-solving strategy, we nurture hope that change can be made. 

In her 2003 Teaching Community: A Pedagogy of Hope , bell hooks reminds us of the transformative power to upend the dominant power structure by bridging the gap between complaining and hope and action: “When we only name the problem, when we state a complaint without a constructive focus or resolution, we take away hope. In this way critique can become merely an expression of profound cynicism, which then works to sustain dominator culture.”

It is not enough to witness and criticize injustice. Students need to learn how to overcome injustice by developing solutions and gaining a sense of empowerment and agency. 

About the Authors

Lauren Fullmer

Lauren Fullmer, Ed.D. , is the math curriculum chair and middle school math teacher at the Willow School in Gladstone, NJ; instructor for The Academy for Social-Emotional Learning in Schools—a partnership between Rutgers University and St. Elizabeth University—adjunct professor at the University of Dayton’s doctoral program, and a consulting field expert for the Rutgers Social-Emotional Character Development (SECD) Lab.

Laura Bond, M.A. , has served as a K–8 curriculum supervisor in central New Jersey. She has taught 6–12 Social Studies and worked as an assistant principal at both the elementary and secondary level. Currently, she is a field consultant for Rutgers Social Emotional Character Development Lab and serves on her local board of education.

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What is Social Problem-Solving and Why Is it Important?

• Post date November 29, 2021

We all face social problems. You can be a well-adjusted person and, without fail, you will still come across situations that seem problematic or challenging.

The neighbor above plays loud music late into the evening, keeping you awake.

The boss requests you to take on a project in which you have little to no experience, causing you a high level of anxiety.

You overdraw your bank account after forgetting to account for a new bill.

How we approach these, and other social situations can significantly affect our experiences with others, our world, and our general happiness.

What is Social Problem-Solving?

When you hear “social problem-solving,” do you instantly think about issues you have with others? Do your emotionally distant partner, an overprotective parent, or a supervisor who disagrees with everything you do come to mind?

Certainly, some social problems are people problems. However, many social problems are simply issues we come across in our everyday lives.

To start let’s break down social problems into four simple categories and examples

•  Impersonal Problems: You get a flat tire on your way to work.
•  Personal Problems: Your depression is affecting your performance at work.
•  Interpersonal Problems: Your friend frequently cancels plans on you with little to no notice.
• Community/Societal Problems: The city you live in has increasing levels of poverty and homelessness.

These problems require real-world problem-solving skills. For instance, how would you handle the flat tire? You might call for a tow, stand next to the car trying to flag someone down, or you might get out and change the tire yourself.

Or, you might do something entirely different. We all approach social problems based on our past experiences, wellness, resources, confidence, and support system.

Why is Social Problem-Solving Important?

Think about a problem you had in which you felt you made the wrong decision.

For example, maybe a solution you came up with at work failed to be effective, or you decided not to address a friend who has been distant and now they are angry with you. Making the wrong decision can make you feel shame or hurt, while making the right one can boost feelings of confidence and competence.

But it goes deeper than that. Practical problem-solving skills increase our situational coping, reduce emotional distress, and improve our relationships with others.

Conversely, maladaptive problem-solving skills such as making careless decisions or avoiding decision-making altogether can lead to interpersonal difficulties in relationships, depression, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation.

How Can I Improve My Social Problem-Solving?

Having the skills to approach social problems is critical. There are four crucial steps to social problem-solving.

• Being able to define the problem.
• Finding solutions.
• Choosing a solution.
• Implementing your solution.

Sounds easy enough, right? It can be, but you also need the right mindset. People with positive social problem-solving skills exhibit the following behaviors:

•  View problems as challenges or opportunities.  It is not always easy to see the positive in a negative situation, but try to see it as an opportunity for growth.
• Belief in themselves.  Having self-confidence is crucial. Try to surround yourself with a support system that also believes in your abilities.
• Believe there are solutions to problems.  The alternative is giving up. You deserve better.
•  Understanding that helpful solutions sometimes take time.  Most issues cannot be fixed overnight, and therefore it may take a certain level of resilience on your part to get through the situation.
• Implement solutions promptly.  Putting off decisions can only make the problem worse, and it rarely, if ever, solves the issue.

This sounds relatively easy, but our past experiences heavily influence our ability to approach problems and implement solutions. Maybe you are not even sure what the problem is, making it feel impossible to understand and come up with helpful solutions. Therapy can help you work through the decision-making steps, identify any roadblocks and address them in a supportive environment.

If you’re struggling with social problem-solving, Integrative Psychotherapy Group is here to help. Please read more about anxiety therapy and call our office to learn more.

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Video Games Play May Provide Learning, Health, Social Benefits, Review Finds

• Learning and Memory

Authors suggest balancing questions of harm with potential for positive impact

• The Benefits of Playing Video Games (PDF, 202KB)

WASHINGTON — Playing video games, including violent shooter games, may boost children’s learning, health and social skills, according to a review of research on the positive effects of video game play to be published by the American Psychological Association.

The study comes out as debate continues among psychologists and other health professionals regarding the effects of violent media on youth. An APA task force is conducting a comprehensive review of research on violence in video games and interactive media and will release its findings in 2014.  

“Important research has already been conducted for decades on the negative effects of gaming, including addiction, depression and aggression, and we are certainly not suggesting that this should be ignored,” said lead author Isabela Granic, PhD, of Radboud University Nijmegen in The Netherlands. “However, to understand the impact of video games on children’s and adolescents’ development, a more balanced perspective is needed.” 

The article will be published in APA’s flagship journal, American Psychologist .  

While one widely held view maintains playing video games is intellectually lazy, such play actually may strengthen a range of cognitive skills such as spatial navigation, reasoning, memory and perception, according to several studies reviewed in the article. This is particularly true for shooter video games that are often violent, the authors said. A 2013 meta-analysis found that playing shooter video games improved a player’s capacity to think about objects in three dimensions, just as well as academic courses to enhance these same skills, according to the study. “This has critical implications for education and career development, as previous research has established the power of spatial skills for achievement in science, technology, engineering and mathematics,” Granic said. This enhanced thinking was not found with playing other types of video games, such as puzzles or role-playing games.

Playing video games may also help children develop problem-solving skills, the authors said. The more adolescents reported playing strategic video games, such as role-playing games, the more they improved in problem solving and school grades the following year, according to a long-term study published in 2013. Children’s creativity was also enhanced by playing any kind of video game, including violent games, but not when the children used other forms of technology, such as a computer or cell phone, other research revealed.

Simple games that are easy to access and can be played quickly, such as “Angry Birds,” can improve players’ moods, promote relaxation and ward off anxiety, the study said. “If playing video games simply makes people happier, this seems to be a fundamental emotional benefit to consider,” said Granic. The authors also highlighted the possibility that video games are effective tools to learn resilience in the face of failure. By learning to cope with ongoing failures in games, the authors suggest that children build emotional resilience they can rely upon in their everyday lives.

Another stereotype the research challenges is the socially isolated gamer. More than 70 percent of gamers play with a friend and millions of people worldwide participate in massive virtual worlds through video games such as “Farmville” and “World of Warcraft,” the article noted. Multiplayer games become virtual social communities, where decisions need to be made quickly about whom to trust or reject and how to lead a group, the authors said. People who play video games, even if they are violent, that encourage cooperation are more likely to be helpful to others while gaming than those who play the same games competitively, a 2011 study found.

The article emphasized that educators are currently redesigning classroom experiences, integrating video games that can shift the way the next generation of teachers and students approach learning. Likewise, physicians have begun to use video games to motivate patients to improve their health, the authors said. In the video game “Re-Mission,” child cancer patients can control a tiny robot that shoots cancer cells, overcomes bacterial infections and manages nausea and other barriers to adhering to treatments. A 2008 international study in 34 medical centers found significantly greater adherence to treatment and cancer-related knowledge among children who played “Re-Mission” compared to children who played a different computer game. 

“It is this same kind of transformation, based on the foundational principle of play, that we suggest has the potential to transform the field of mental health,” Granic said. “This is especially true because engaging children and youth is one of the most challenging tasks clinicians face.”

The authors recommended that teams of psychologists, clinicians and game designers work together to develop approaches to mental health care that integrate video game playing with traditional therapy. 

Article: “The Benefits of Playing Video Games,” Isabela Granic, PhD, Adam Lobel, PhD, and Rutger C.M.E. Engels, PhD, Radboud University Nijmegen; Nijmegen, The Netherlands; American Psychologist , Vol. 69, No. 1. 

Isabela Granic can be contacted by email , cell: 011.31.6.19.50.00.99 or work: 011.31.24.361.2142

The American Psychological Association, in Washington, D.C., is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States. APA's membership includes more than 134,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its divisions in 54 subfields of psychology and affiliations with 60 state, territorial and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance the creation, communication and application of psychological knowledge to benefit society and improve people's lives.

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Social Problem-Solving in Early Childhood: Developmental Change and the Influence of Shyness

Olga l. walker.

1 University of Maryland, Department of Human Development

Kathryn A. Degnan

Nathan a. fox, heather a. henderson.

2 University of Miami, Department of Psychology

The purpose of this study was to examine developmental change and the influence of shyness on social problem-solving (SPS). At 24, 36, and 48 months, children (N=570) were observed while interacting with an unfamiliar peer during an SPS task and at 24 months, maternal report of shyness was collected. Results showed that across the full sample, children displayed low but stable levels of withdrawn SPS and increasing levels of SPS competence over development. In addition, results showed that 24-month shyness was associated with high-increasing and high-decreasing withdrawn SPS trajectories compared to the low-increasing withdrawn SPS trajectory. Shyness was also associated with the low-increasing compared to the high-increasing SPS competence trajectory. Findings demonstrate the development of SPS competence over early childhood, as well as the influence of early shyness on this developmental course, with some shy children showing improvement in SPS skills and others continuing to show SPS difficulties over time.

Social problem-solving (SPS) skills are important for children’s everyday social functioning, as well as their academic achievement in school ( Dubow & Tisak, 1989 ; Dubow, Tisak, Causey, Hryshko, & Reid, 1991 ; Walker and Henderson, 2012). There are, however, a wide range of individual differences in the ways children approach socially challenging situations. These individual differences in SPS skills may be attributed in part to a child’s shyness. Shyness refers to wariness and anxiety in response to novel social situations ( Coplan & Armer, 2007 ). Shy children approach socially challenging situations more passively than their peers and experience less success in attaining their social goals during elementary school ( Stewart & Rubin, 1995 ). Furthermore, shy children are at risk for social and emotional adjustment problems including poor peer relations, depression, and anxiety ( Chronis-Tuscano et al., 2009 ; Hirshfeld et al., 1992 ; Rubin, Stewart, & Coplan, 1995 ). Given that individual differences in shyness are evident in early childhood and that poor social interactions may lead to a number of poor outcomes including a cycle of peer rejection, reinforcement of poor social skills, and/or fewer opportunities to learn the scripts that guide social play, research on the origins of difficulties in peer interactions at young ages may significantly add to our understanding of these predictive links. The current study extends previous research with older children by examining developmental changes in SPS abilities and the influence of shyness on individual differences in patterns of change in SPS abilities between 24 and 48 months of age. Findings of the current study increase our understanding of the development of SPS behaviors and affect across early childhood, identify some temperamental origins of peer difficulty, and may help inform intervention efforts aimed at improving shy children’s SPS abilities.

In the current study, we focused specifically on the influence of shyness, a form of social withdrawal ( Rubin & Asendorf, 1993 ; Rubin Coplan, & Bowker, 2009 ) that is moderately stable over the toddler and preschool years ( Lemery, Goldsmith, Klinnert & Mrazek, 1999 ). Social withdrawal is defined as behavioral solitude that originates from factors internal to a child such as strong physiological reactions to novelty (i.e., shyness) and social disinterest, as opposed to solitude that results from being actively rejected by one’s peers ( Rubin, Coplan, & Bowker, 2009 ). Shy children appear motivated to interact with others, however, the fear and distress associated with novelty leads to avoidance of the social situation ( Crozier, 2000 ), making peer interaction during problem situations particularly difficult. In addition, maternal reports of shyness are relatively stable across development, especially between 24 and 48 months ( Lemery et al., 1999 ). This stability is also evidenced by the fact that children rarely change from one extreme of observed social withdrawal versus sociability to the other ( Fox et al., 2001 ; Pfeifer, Goldsmith, Davidson, & Rickman, 2002 ), and when assessed in toddlerhood, they are likely to respond similarly within a few years of assessment and even into adulthood ( Caspi & Silva, 1995 ; Caspi et al., 2003 ; Rothbart, Ahadi, & Evans, 2000 ). Therefore, it is important to identify the associations between shyness and social difficulties early on.

The development of competent SPS skills is important for children’s everyday social functioning and may influence the quality of their social experiences. SPS skills likely develop from various within-child characteristics (e.g., temperamental reactivity) and environmental factors (e.g., socialization with parents and peers; see Rubin & Rose-Krasnor, 1992 for review). In a cross-sectional study, Rubin and Krasnor (1983) found that both preschoolers and kindergarteners were more likely to suggest using prosocial strategies than aggressive strategies as a means of resolving hypothetical social problems. Another cross-sectional study using a hypothetical-reflective measure of SPS found that children in first and second grade suggest fewer aggressive and more cooperative strategies compared to preschool age children ( McGillicuddy-Delisi, 1980 ). Taken together, these studies suggest that children may use competent SPS strategies as early as preschool and that the frequency of these strategies increase while the frequency of poor SPS behaviors decrease over early elementary school. While these studies examined age-related differences in SPS, longitudinal studies are needed to track individual differences in developmental trajectories of SPS behaviors and affect and predictors of these individual differences. In one longitudinal study of SPS abilities from preschool to first grade, Youngstrom et al. (2000) found that, on average, children reported fewer forceful and more prosocial solutions to hypothetical problems from preschool to first grade. Interestingly, they also found little to no stability of SPS from preschool to first grade, which was attributed to rapid gains in SPS abilities that allowed children who reported relatively poorer SPS skills in preschool to report similar SPS to their peers by first grade.

Based on findings showing that children report using more prosocial competent strategies with age, we hypothesized that children would display more competent SPS (i.e., verbal strategies, success, positive affect, prosocial initiations) and less withdrawn SPS (i.e., passive strategies, time unengaged, and neutral affect) over time.

Individual Differences in SPS

Crick and Dodge (1994) developed an information-processing model that describes the steps involved in SPS. Effective problem solving, according to their model, involves noticing and interpreting social cues, formulating social goals, generating possible strategies to solve the problem, evaluating the possible effectiveness of the strategy, and enacting a response. Emotion, in addition to cognition, influences social information-processing at all steps of the model ( Lemerise & Arsenio, 2000 ), emphasizing the importance of incorporating measures of affect into SPS coding. For shy children, the experience of uncertainty in unfamiliar or challenging social situations may lead to distress, which results in emotional flooding ( Ekman, 1984 ; Thompson & Calkins, 1996 ), or hypervigilance, which may result in blunted affect. Both distress and hypervigilance may interfere with shy children’s ability to enact socially competent responses during challenging situations with peers ( Fox et al., 2005 ). Indeed, withdrawn children are able to generate competent social goals comparable to comparison children, however, they report that they would be less likely to use assertive strategies and more likely to use avoidant strategies compared to comparison and aggressive children ( Wichmann, Coplan, & Daniels, 2004 ). Thus, it is important to observe children’s SPS during actual social situations with peers.

Shy children, specifically, react to challenging social situations with sadness, fear, and lessened positive affect ( Derryberry & Rothbart, 1997 ; Eisenberg, Shepard, Fabes, Murphy & Guthrie, 1998 ; Eisenberg, Fabes, Guthrie, & Rieser, 2002 ; Rothbart & Bates, 2006 ), possibly disrupting the enactment of competent SPS behaviors. A recent study found that during a structured task requiring friendly competition and negotiation between target children and their friend, socially withdrawn, anxious 10- to 12-year-old children displayed relatively more neutral affect in comparison to control children ( Schneider, 2009 ). The expression of neutral affect in withdrawn children reflects a somber expression, which may lead to increased hypervigilance and limit others’ desire to interact with them. That is, anxious expressions may serve both functional and social purposes, where functionally they may lead to increased scanning and processing of the environment to identify ambiguous threat, while socially these expressions may serve to convey messages about emotion to social partners ( Perkins, Inchley-Mort, Pickering, Corr, & Burgess, 2012 ). In contrast, uninhibited or highly sociable children approach unfamiliar people or objects with minimal avoidance and with positive affect ( Rimm-Kaufman et al., 2002 ; Kagan, Snidman, & Arcus, 1998 ), which may facilitate the translation of strategy ideas into actions during SPS and function to initiate and maintain social interactions with peers. Thus, while positive affect may facilitate social interaction and competent problem solving, neutral and negative affect may limit these social skills.

Because behavior and emotion may both influence the course and outcomes of peer social interactions, it was important to examine the combination of both SPS behavior and affect. Thus, in the current study, we included both SPS behaviors and displayed affect during the SPS task in composites and expected neutral or negative affect to be associated with withdrawn behaviors (i.e., time unengaged and passive SPS) while positive affect would be associated with competent SPS behaviors (i.e., verbal SPS, prosocial interactions, success). In addition, we expected these composites of behavior and affect would be associated with early report of shyness. Socially withdrawn children display more passive SPS during elementary school ( Rubin, Daniels-Beirness, & Bream, 1984 ; Stewart & Rubin, 1995 ). Therefore, whereas some children with poor SPS may report similar SPS compared to their peers by first grade ( Youngstrom et al., 2000 ), shy children may not follow the same developmental trajectory. Since shyness and social withdrawal are associated with avoidant SPS at later ages, we hypothesized that shyness would be associated with more withdrawn SPS over time. Furthermore, previous findings suggested growth in SPS competence across all children. Therefore, we hypothesized that shyness would be associated with increased SPS competence over time, such that children rated higher in shyness will show a typical increase over development. However, we expected that the trajectory associated with shyness would remain lower in SPS relative to the other trajectory at all ages.

In summary, the first goal of the current study was to examine patterns of developmental change in behavior and affect during SPS (i.e., withdrawn SPS and SPS competence). The second goal was to examine whether there was significant variability in these patterns of change and to examine the role of early shyness in predicting these patterns of change. Overall, given normative increases in language, social cognition, and self-regulation, we hypothesized that all children would develop better SPS skills over the period of study (i.e., less SPS withdrawal and more SPS competence), however, superimposed on these developmental changes, we hypothesized that shyness would be associated with individual differences in SPS trajectories over time (i.e., greater withdrawn SPS and less SPS competence).

The current study extended previous research in two ways. First, it is a downward extension of Stewart and Rubin (1995) as it is of interest to understand the origins of peer difficulty at the earliest age possible to intervene or prevent poor peer interactions. Specifically, it extended previous findings by prospectively following the same sample of children from 24 to 48 months, younger ages than have previously been examined. Second, the current study employed direct observations to assess children’s SPS behavior and displayed affect during challenging social situations. In contrast to hypothetical-reflective measures of SPS that ask children to reflect on how they would solve a social problem during hypothetical situations, direct observations allow for the assessment of the actual enactment of social goals and strategies used by children and the evaluation of the outcomes (i.e., success vs. failure) of SPS behavior ( Rubin & Rose-Krasnor, 1992 ). The key difference between these types of measures is that hypothetical-reflective interviews measure how children think and reason about social situations while behavioral observations measure how children actually behave when in those situations ( Rubin & Rose-Krasnor, 1992 ). Moreover, while behavior coding captures what children do in challenging situations, affect coding indexes how they express their emotion to their social partners, providing a more complete picture of the motivations and outcomes of differences in SPS. Therefore, in contrast to previous studies using hypothetical scenarios or behavioral observations, we examined both children’s behavior and affect to better understand children’s reactions to challenging social situations.

Participants

Six hundred and fourteen (295 boys, 319 girls) children and their mothers participated in a longitudinal study. Child ethnicity was as follows: 64% Caucasian, 15% African-American, 14% multiracial, 3% Hispanic, 3% Asian, and 1% as other. Mothers participating in this study represented a highly educated sample. Fourteen percent of the mothers graduated from high school, 44% from college, 37% from graduate school, 4% from other educational programs, and 1% did not report. Two hundred and ninety-one children were originally selected to participate at the age of four months as part of a longitudinal study of temperament and social development (see omitted for peer review ). Three hundred and twenty-three additional children were recruited from the community during toddlerhood to form same-sex, same-age unfamiliar peer dyads. Of these, 570 children (277 boys, 293 girls) participated at least once across 24 ( M = 25.92 months, SD = 2.30), 36 ( M = 37.27 months, SD = 1.59), and 48 months of age ( M = 49.32 months, SD = 1.41) and therefore were included in the current analyses.

Participants were recruited by mailing letters to parents in the community using commercially available mailing lists. Therefore a non-clinical community sample was recruited for participation in the current study. Interested parents contacted the laboratory to schedule a visit for their child. Children from the two groups were randomly paired at each age in order to ensure that the peer pairs were equally unfamiliar to each other at each age of assessment. The pairing was random rather than based on temperament in order to mirror the natural variation in peer characteristics typical of social settings in early childhood. There were no differences between children recruited in infancy and children recruited as toddlers on sex χ 2 (1, N = 614) = .61, p = .44, ethnicity χ 2 (5, N = 614) = 1.92, p = .86, maternal education χ 2 (3, N = 607) = 5.41, p = .14, or shyness at 24 months t (472) = 1.15, p = .25, suggesting that the two groups were comparable to one another.

The analyses presented below were conducted using maximum likelihood estimation. Maximum likelihood estimation utilizes all cases with complete or partial data on the dependent variables (i.e., SPS composites). The first goal of the study was to examine developmental change in SPS over time. Forty-four children were excluded from analyses for this goal due to missing data on all SPS outcomes, thus, analyses included children with complete or partial SPS data ( N = 570). There were no differences between children included in this analysis and children excluded from the analysis on sex, χ 2 (1, N = 614) = .97, p = .33 or ethnicity χ 2 (1, N = 614) = 1.11, p = .29 however, there were differences on maternal education, χ 2 (3, N = 607) = 11.98, p = .007, such that children whose mothers reported completing educational programs other than high school, college, or graduate school were more likely to have missing data. The second goal of the study was to examine the influence of shyness on SPS trajectories. Maximum likelihood utilized all cases with at least some data on the SPS dependent variables as mentioned above, however, it also excludes all cases with missing data on the independent variable (i.e., shyness). Therefore, in addition to the 44 children excluded from the developmental analyses mentioned above, 115 children were excluded from the second set of analyses due to missing data on shyness. Therefore, analyses examining associations between shyness and the development of SPS included data from 455 children. There were no differences between children included in this analysis and those missing shyness data on sex, χ 2 (1, N = 570) = .1.14, p = .29, ethnicity χ 2 (1, N = 570) = 1.98, p = .16, or maternal education, χ 2 (3, N = 563) = 3.93, p = .27, suggesting that the sample included in the first analyses is comparable to the sample included in the second analyses.

Informed consent was signed by the children’s mothers at each visit. Children were randomly paired with a different same-sex, same-age, unfamiliar peer for each visit to capture their SPS behavior and displayed affect during novel social interactions. At all three dyad visits, children were placed in a room with two one-way mirrors. Cameras were used to record the sessions from behind the mirrors.

Children engaged in several activities together. Of interest to the current study was the participants’ behavior during the special toy session, which occurred after approximately 15 minutes of interacting during a freeplay session and a clean-up task. Similar to Stewart and Rubin (1995) , the experimenter entered with the special toy and set it down in the middle of the room. Before leaving, the experimenter told the children they only had one toy so they must share and take turns. The experimenter then informed the children that he or she would return in a few minutes and walked out of the room.

Toys used during the visits were carefully selected at each age to be age-appropriate and comparable in terms of eliciting independent play. A stationary tricycle was used as the special toy introduced to the participants during the 24-month visit. The toy looked like a tricycle in that it had three wheels and pedals but it could only be used to rock back and forth. During the 36 month visit, a stationary car was used as the special toy. The toy had a seat, steering wheel, pedals, and a gear shift. The steering wheel had buttons that played animal noises and a screen to track driving. At the 48-month visit, a movable vehicle was used as the special toy. The child was able to sit in the middle of the toy and use handle bars on the wheels to steer around the room. Participants were given a total of 5 minutes to play with the special toy.

At the 24- and 36-month visit laboratory visits, mothers of the participants sat in separate chairs in two different corners of the room. Mothers were told not to initiate interactions with the children but to respond as they normally would if the child interacted with them. At the 48-month visit, mothers sat in an adjacent room that allowed them to see their children through a one-way mirror. Mothers filled out the Toddler Behavior Assessment Questionnaire (TBAQ; Goldsmith 1996 ; Goldsmith, Rieser-Danner, & Briggs, 1991 ) at the 24-month visit.

The Toddler Behavior Assessment Questionnaire (TBAQ; Goldsmith 1996 ; Goldsmith, Rieser-Danner, & Briggs, 1991 ), a 108-item parent report measure of temperament, was collected at 24 months of age. The TBAQ is a valid and reliable questionnaire for use with 16- to 36-month-old children and measures 5 dimensions of temperament: Activity level, pleasure, social fearfulness, anger proneness, and interest/persistence, using 7-point Likert scales ( Goldsmith 1996 ; Goldsmith et al., 1991 ). Of particular interest in the current study was the dimension of social fearfulness, which is composed of 10 items that assess children’s reactions to unfamiliar adults and contexts ( Goldsmith, 1996 ). Sample items include, “If a stranger came to your house or your apartment, how often did your child ‘warm up’ to the stranger within 10 minutes?” and “When your child knew her/his parents were about to leave her/him at home, how often did your child cling to her/his parents?” Internal consistency estimates for the social fearfulness scale were .83 and .87 across different samples of toddlers ( Goldsmith, 1996 ). In the current sample, the internal consistency estimate for social fearfulness was .78 at 24 months.

SPS Behavioral coding

Behavioral coding was based on the scheme used by Rubin and Krasnor (1983) and Stewart and Rubin (1995) . The total time of the task, latency to first get the toy, and the amount of time engaged with the toy were recorded in seconds.

Children’s neutral , positive and sad/fearful affect were assigned a global code for the entire special toy activity. Each affect dimension was coded using a scale of 1–5 (1 = did not display; 5 = displayed the majority of the time or very intensely). Neutral affect was coded when the child displayed little to no emotional expression. Positive affect was scored based on the frequency and intensity of smiling, laughing, talking in excited tones, excited movements, and overall expressions of joy. Sad/fearful affect was scored based on the frequency and intensity of whining, crying, and fearful avoidance when approached by the other child and/or complaining to their mother in a sad or fearful voice that they wanted to play with the toy. Affect codes were not mutually exclusive as each type of affect was coded on a separate 5-point scale based on the frequency and intensity of displays of each affect type.

Event-based codes were used to classify each social initiation made by each child. Each social initiation was classified as (1) an attempt to get the toy , or (2) a prosocial initiation . An attempt to get the toy was defined as an attempt made by the child not in possession of the toy to gain control and/or make it clear to the child on the toy, that he or she wanted a turn. Prosocial initiations were defined as any initiation made to the peer about topics unrelated to getting the toy (e.g., “What school do you go to?”), initiations made by the child playing with the toy to offer the peer a turn (e.g., “Your turn to play”), and initiations made by the child playing with the toy to share with their peer (e.g., “Let’s play with this toy together”). Initiations to share the toy were only coded as prosocial initiations if the initiation was made by the child in possession of the toy. Therefore, prosocial initiations were always positive initiations that were not in regard to getting the toy from the peer.

Each attempt to get the toy was then further classified by the type of strategy used: Passive (i.e., pointing or hovering), active (i.e., touching, shoving, hitting, grabbing, or taking), or verbal (i.e., asking or telling). Strategies were not mutually exclusive, thus if a child used more than one strategy at a time (e.g., asking while pointing), all strategies were recorded. Each attempt to get the toy was also coded in terms of the outcome, such that an attempt to get the toy was coded as unsuccessful when a child made an initiation and did not get the toy.

Teams of two trained research assistants coded the children’s behaviors during the special toy episode using the same coding scheme at each time point. Specifically, one team of two coders coded children’s behaviors at 24 months. Another team of two coders, composed of one of the 24-month coders and a new coder, coded both the 36- and 48-month behaviors. In order to assess inter-rater reliability, coders overlapped on 17–26% of total coded cases at each of the three time points. Disagreements on these double-codes were resolved through discussion. Intra-class correlations (ICC’s) for the codes used in analyses at each age (24, 36, 48 months respectively) were .87, 1.00, and .99 for the total time of the task, .97, .99, and .98 for time engaged , .99, 1.00, .99 for latency to first get the toy, .66 .92, .76 for neutral affect, .70, .87, .78 for positive affect, 84, .97, .97 for get toy , .66, .92, and .86 for prosocial initiations, .72, .92, and .82 for passive strategies, .71, .91, and .76 for verbal strategies, and .86, .96, and .87 for unsuccessful attempts.

A proportion score was created for time engaged by dividing children’s time engaged with the toy in seconds over the total time of the task. Latency and the proportion of time engaged (reverse scored) were standardized and averaged to represent time unengaged with the toy. Proportion scores were also created for passive, verbal, and unsuccessful attempts by dividing the frequency of each variable over the total number of attempts to get the toy . The proportion of unsuccessful attempts was reverse coded to reflect success. Skewed variables were dichotomized at each age as 0 if the behavior was not observed or 1 if the behavior was observed at least once and continuous variables were standardized.

To reduce the number of dependent measures, composite scores were created based on theory and confirmed through principal components analysis to reflect withdrawn and competent SPS behavior and affect. Withdrawn SPS was composed of passive strategies based on findings with socially withdrawn elementary school-aged children, which showed that withdrawn children make fewer attempts to obtain toys from unfamiliar peers and when making attempts, they use more indirect strategies compared to their peers ( Rubin, Daniels-Beirness, & Bream, 1984 ; Stewart & Rubin, 1995 ). Furthermore, because withdrawn children are less successful than their peers ( Rubin, Daniels-Beirness, & Bream, 1984 ; Stewart & Rubin, 1995 ), we expected that they would take longer to get the toy (latency) and spend less time playing with the toy, which reflected time unengaged with the toy. Last, we also expected shy children to display more neutral affect since withdrawn/anxious early adolescents are more likely to display neutral affect compared to control early adolescents ( Schneider, 2009 ). Due to low frequency, sad/fearful affect was not included in the composite scores. Thus, the withdrawn SPS composite scores at each age consisted of passive strategies, time unengaged , and neutral affect, and was confirmed through principal components analyses at 24 (eigenvalue = 1.56; avg loading = .72), 36 (eigenvalue = 1.21; avg loading = .61), and 48 months of age (eigenvalue = 1.22; avg loading = .63). A composite of SPS Competence was created based on displays of verbal strategies, positive affect, prosocial initiations , and success. Social competence was formed to reflect positive social behavior, as seen in the displays of prosocial initiations and displayed positive affect. Furthermore, the use of verbal strategies reflects competence ( Eisenberg et al., 1994 ). Success was also included as it was expected that the use of competent and positive behavior and affect would also result in greater peer compliance. The competent SPS composite scores were confirmed through principal components analyses at 24 (eigenvalue = 1.23; avg loading = .49), 36 (eigenvalue = 1.88; avg loading = .68), and 48 months of age (eigenvalue = 1.66; avg loading = .62). Composite variables were all normally distributed. Active strategies were not thought to be theoretically associated with the constructs of interest in the current study, thus a ctive was not included in the composite scores.

Data Analyses

The first goal of the current study was to identify patterns of developmental growth of withdrawn and competent SPS for all children from 24 to 48 months of age. To examine developmental growth patterns, latent growth analyses (LGA; Raudenbush & Bryk, 2002 ), also called hierarchical linear modeling, were conducted. LGA estimates individual trajectories across repeated measures. Overall model fit was examined by reviewing the following fit indices: model χ 2 , RMSEA with 90% confidence intervals, SRMR, and CFI. The second goal of the current study was to examine whether there were individual differences in these patterns of change in withdrawn and competent SPS and to examine whether early shyness predicted these patterns of change. Latent Class Growth Analyses (LCGA; Jones, Nagin, & Roeder, 2001 ) were conducted to identify multiple trajectories of withdrawn and competent SPS from 24 to 48 months of age. LCGA is a type of growth mixture model which combines LGA with latent class analysis (LCA; Muthén, 2001 ), providing multiple growth trajectories associated with unmeasured class membership. Shyness was included as a predictor of membership in the trajectories. The Baysian Information Criteria (BIC) and the Bootstrap Likelihood Ratio Test (BLRT) fit indices were examined ( Nylund, Asparouhov, & Muthén, 2007 ) along with interpretability in order to determine the number of trajectories to retain from each series of models ( Muthén, 2004 ). Specifically, each model examined one more trajectory than the previous model. Once it was determined that the addition of another trajectory was not a better fit than the previous model, the previous model (i.e., one less trajectory) was selected as the final model. All analyses were conducted in M plus 6.12 ( Muthén & Muthén, 1998–2011 ).

Development of SPS

For the first goal of the study, LGA was used to examine average patterns of development in displayed SPS behavior and affect from 24 to 48 months of age. The first LGA model examined the development of withdrawn SPS over time and found evidence for good model fit: χ 2 (1) = .36, p = .55, CFI = 1.00, RMSEA = .00 with CI 90% from .00 to .09, and SRMR = .01. Results showed that children displayed consistent levels of withdrawn SPS at all ages (i.e., non-significant slope, p =.19). The second latent growth model examined the development of SPS competence over time and found evidence for poor model fit: χ 2 (3) = 13.08, p = .005, CFI = .34, RMSEA = .08 with CI 90% from .04 to .12, and SRMR = .06. Thus, the growth model was reexamined while freeing the time score for the 48-month data to be estimated using a latent basis model ( McArdle, 2004 ). This model resulted in good model fit, χ 2 (2) = 2.23, p = .33, CFI = .99, RMSEA = .01 with CI 90% from .00 to .09, and SRMR = .03. Results showed that children displayed greater SPS competence over time (i.e., positive slope, p <.001), with more growth between 36 and 48 months than between 24 and 36 months of age. Taken together, findings show that, on average, children display stable levels of withdrawn SPS and increasing SPS competence over time.

Superimposed on these average developmental changes, we expected that shyness would be associated with displayed SPS behavior and affect over time. Therefore, for the second goal, LCGA models were conducted to examine the relation between early shyness and trajectories of withdrawn and competent SPS. First, LCGA models were conducted with shyness at 24 months as the predictor of the probability of membership in 1 through 4 classes of withdrawn SPS over time. The BIC was 3203.91 for one withdrawn SPS trajectory, 1639.45 for two withdrawn SPS trajectories, 1637.29 for three withdrawn SPS trajectories, and 1648.76 for four withdrawn SPS trajectories. The BLRT showed that the two trajectory model was better than the one trajectory model ( p < .001), and the three trajectory model was better than the two trajectory model ( p < .001), but the four trajectory model was not better than the three trajectory model ( p = .09). Based on the lowest BIC, significant BLRT and interpretability, the three trajectory model was retained. See Figure 1 for the estimated means of displayed withdrawn SPS at each age for the 3-trajectories.

Longitudinal Trajectories of Withdrawn SPS.

The high-increasing trajectory was composed of children (17% of the sample, n = 77) who displayed high withdrawn SPS at 24 months and continued to increase in withdrawn SPS across time (i.e., had a significant positive slope, p = .001). The high-decreasing trajectory was composed of children (25% of the sample, n =113) who displayed high withdrawn SPS at 24 months and decreased in withdrawn SPS across time (i.e., negative slope, p < .001). The low-increasing trajectory was composed of the majority of children (58% of the sample, n = 265) who showed a slight increase over time (i.e., positive slope, p = .049). Children in this trajectory displayed lower levels of withdrawn SPS at 24 months than children in the high-increasing and high-decreasing trajectories, and maintained these low levels of withdrawn SPS over time (see Figure 1 ). Shyness significantly predicted the probability of membership in the withdrawn SPS trajectories such that children in the high-increasing (B=.81, z =3.44, p =.001) and high-decreasing trajectories (B=.88, z =4.24, p <.001) were more likely to be rated high on shyness at 24 months than children in the low-increasing withdrawn SPS trajectory. That is, for every one unit increase in shyness, the odds of being in the high-increasing withdrawn trajectory were 5.06 and the odds of being in the high-decreasing withdrawn trajectory were 5.81 times the odds of being in the low-increasing withdrawn trajectory.

Second, LCGA models were conducted with shyness at 24 months as the predictor of probability of membership in 1 through 3 classes of SPS competence over time. The BIC was 2237.87 for one SPS competence trajectory, 795.28 for two SPS competence trajectories, and 804.70 for three SPS competence trajectories. In addition, the BLRT showed that two trajectories were significantly better than one trajectory ( p <.001), but three trajectories were not significantly better than two trajectories ( p = .07). Thus, the two trajectory model was retained based on a combination of the lowest BIC, significant BLRT and interpretability. See Figure 2 for the estimated means of displayed SPS competence trajectories at each age.

Longitudinal Trajectories of Competent SPS

The high-increasing trajectory was composed of children (47% of the sample, n =214) who displayed high SPS competence at 24 months and continued to increase in SPS competence across time (i.e., significant positive slope, p < .001). The low-increasing trajectory was composed of children (53% of the sample, n =241) who displayed low SPS competence at 24 months and increasing SPS competence across time (i.e., significant positive slope, p < .001). Shyness significantly predicted the probability of membership in the trajectories, such that children in the low-increasing trajectory were more likely to be rated high on shyness at 24 months than children in the high-increasing trajectory (B=1.02, z =4.33, p <.001). That is, for every one unit increase in shyness, the odds of being in the low-increasing SPS competence trajectory were 7.67 times the odds of being in the high-increasing competence trajectory.

This is one of the first studies to use a longitudinal design to document developmental changes and individual differences in children’s SPS behaviors and emotion in the early childhood years. The goals of this study were to document developmental growth and examine the longitudinal associations between shyness and the types of SPS behaviors and emotions displayed when a child encounters a challenging social situation with an unfamiliar peer, using a non-clinical community sample of children. Results of the current study extend the literature by examining these questions longitudinally during early childhood and by using observational measures of SPS behavior and affect expression to capture children’s actual behaviors during challenging social situations. Results revealed that, on average, children displayed low stable levels of withdrawn SPS, while competent SPS increased over the toddler and preschool years. In addition to these general developmental findings, there was evidence suggesting that early shyness affects children’s SPS style and their trajectories of change in SPS in response to challenging social situations. Specifically, shyness was associated with a greater likelihood to display more withdrawn SPS and less SPS competence at age 2. However, there were individual differences in developmental patterns stemming from these initial levels. That is, some shy children displayed improvement in SPS skills over time (i.e., decreased withdrawn SPS and increased SPS competence), and some shy children continued to display poor SPS skills (i.e., increased withdrawn SPS over time). These findings highlight the predictive influence of early reports of shyness on initial SPS behaviors and affect and suggest multiple potential outcomes for early shyness, including both continuity and discontinuity in withdrawn SPS over the early childhood years.

Developmental Change in SPS

Contrary to hypotheses, children, on average, expressed consistent levels of withdrawn SPS across ages (i.e., neutral affect, passive SPS, and time unengaged with the toy). Consistent with this, individual trajectories showed that the majority of children displayed consistently low levels of withdrawn SPS over time. These results show that withdrawn SPS is not a predominant style of interaction for most children, even during the early childhood years. Consistent with the hypotheses, children displayed higher levels of SPS competence over time, showing that children were increasingly likely to use verbal strategies, display positive affect, initiate prosocial interactions, and were more successful in their attempts to get the toy. The increased use of verbal strategies reflects increasing competence as verbal initiations are considered the foundation for social play and competent peer interactions ( Eisenberg et al., 1994 ). Displays of positive affect may help keep children and their peers engaged in social interaction longer, which may support persistence and flexibility in approaching the problem situation. Increased use of verbal SPS strategies and approaching the challenging social situations with positive affect likely accounts for more success over time, showing that the use of competent strategies may result in more compliance from peers. Furthermore, the increased use of prosocial initiations and verbal strategies in general likely reflects a combination of children’s gains in social motivation, understanding of others, expressive vocabulary, and pragmatic language during early childhood ( Bloom, 1998 ; Ganger & Brent, 2004 ; Pan & Snow, 1999 ; Rubin & Rose-Krasnor, 1992 ). Interestingly, findings from the SPS competence growth model showed that there was particularly rapid growth in the display of competent SPS between 36 and 48 months than during 24 and 36 months of age. These greater increases may also reflect the development of language skills, social motivation, and understanding of others at these later preschool ages. Taken together, results suggest that both the quantity and quality of children’s competent SPS skills increase from 24 to 48 months of age.

Individual Differences in Shyness and SPS

Results of the LCGA showed individual differences in SPS trajectories over time. Consistent with developmental findings, the majority of children displayed consistently low levels of withdrawn SPS over time; however, there were two additional trajectories defined by high levels of withdrawn SPS at 2 years of age. Further, maternal ratings of shyness predicted membership in these two trajectories compared to the consistently low trajectory. These findings are consistent with hypotheses and previous research on older children that shy children displayed neutral affect, were less likely to use socially assertive strategies and more likely to use subtle, indirect strategies compared to children of average sociability ( Schneider, 2009 ; Stewart & Rubin, 1995 ). Shyness is associated with an approach-avoidance conflict ( Asendorpf, 1990 ; Coplan et al., 2004 ). That is, shy children would like to join in play with others (approach), but fear and anxiety interfere with their ability to easily initiate and engage peers in play, resulting in social withdrawal.

The expression of neutral affect by shy children appeared to reflect their wariness and uncertainty about the social situation. Schneider (2009) also found that socially withdrawn/anxious early adolescents displayed relatively more neutral affect, whereas control children displayed relatively more positive affect while interacting with friends. Interestingly, few instances of sad/fearful affect were displayed during the tasks at all ages. Prior work by Perkins et al., (2011) found evidence for the distinguishability of fearful and anxious expressions of emotion. They suggest that fear may be displayed during situations of clear threat while anxious expressions, reflecting scanning and processing of the environment, may be displayed during ambiguous situations. Shy children’s expression of neutral affect likely reflects their uncertainty and hypervigilance, consistent with the expression of anxious affect.

Interestingly, one of the two trajectories that showed initially high withdrawn SPS showed decreased withdrawn SPS over time, while the other trajectory showing initially high withdrawn SPS increased in withdrawn SPS over time. These findings indicate that some children rated high on shyness showed improvement in SPS skills, while for other children early shyness has an enduring influence on social development, in part, through effects on SPS skills. An important future direction is to identify the factors that moderate the relations between early shyness and these different trajectories of withdrawn SPS. For example, temperament and specific socialization experiences with parents and peers influence patterns of continuity and discontinuity in behavior over time ( Degnan, Almas, & Fox, 2010 ; Degnan & Fox, 2007 ) and thus moderate the associations between early shyness and later social functioning (e.g., Almas et al., 2011 ; Degnan, Henderson, Fox, & Rubin, 2008 ; Rubin, Burgess, & Hastings, 2002 ). The quality of social experiences with peers is particularly important for shy children in learning how to competently initiate interactions with peers to join social play. Furthermore, within-child characteristics, such as the development of self-regulation, may also interact with shyness to influence trajectories of SPS behavior and affect over time. It is possible that a well-regulated shy child may display SPS skills similar to less shy peers, while shy children displaying poor self-regulation are the ones in most need of intervention. For example, the flexible allocation of attention and the ability to shift attention serves as a protective factor for behaviorally inhibited and shy children, decreasing the risk for social adjustment difficulties and anxiety ( Henderson, 2010 ; White, McDermott, Degnan, Henderson, & Fox, 2011 ). Future studies should examine both within-child and environmental factors that moderate the associations between shyness and SPS trajectories. Identifying the moderators that lead to discontinuity is important for the design of intervention and prevention efforts aimed at improving SPS skills for shy children showing increased withdrawn SPS over time, who may be at most risk for the development of anxiety and poor social interactions with peers.

SPS competence LCGA analyses suggest that shy children’s SPS behaviors and affect are developing over the toddler and preschool years in parallel form to their less shy peers. That is, they begin and end with fewer competent SPS interactions than their peers, at least between 24 and 48 months of age. Early shyness continues to relate to less SPS competence as initial differences are maintained over the toddler and preschool years. These results are consistent with findings from other studies showing that inhibited and shy children speak less during unfamiliar situations in school and are less likely to talk or volunteer answers in large group teacher-guided activities ( Asendorpf & Meier, 1993 ; Rimm-Kaufman & Kagan, 2005 ; Rimm-Kaufman et al., 2002 ). In addition, it has been shown that pragmatic language influences the association between shyness and adjustment outcomes ( Coplan & Weeks, 2009 ), suggesting the importance of shy children’s verbal abilities for social development. Shy children’s lack of assertiveness may be due to shy children not knowing how to approach peers and the effect of distress and hypervigilance on their ability to enact a planned behavioral response. As shy children develop, the tendency to initially refrain may be reinforced and strengthened and this, in turn, may lead to a fear of negative evaluation from peers at later ages ( Bruch & Cheek, 1995 ), as well as unfamiliarity with the social scripts guiding cooperative play.

Youngstrom et al (2000) suggest that children with SPS difficulties report similar SPS to their peers by first grade. However, there are multiple origins to difficulties in SPS. Children with poor SPS skills that are not socially withdrawn may learn the skills necessary for effective SPS during the first few years of formal schooling and thus improve their SPS skills. As evidenced by the high decreasing withdrawn SPS trajectory, some shy children also show improvement in their SPS skills. However, other shy children showed increased withdrawn SPS over time. Furthermore, social withdrawal is associated with poor SPS through elementary school ( Stewart & Rubin, 1995 ). Therefore, while many children with poor SPS skills show comparable SPS skills to peers during early elementary school, some shy children in particular may continue to experience limited social interaction during the school years which may interfere with their ability to display competent SPS skills comparable to those of their less shy peers. Additionally, competent SPS behavior mediates the relations between shyness and academic achievement (Walker & Henderson, 2012). Taken together, previous and current findings suggest that some shy children have fewer opportunities to engage with peers and materials in both formal and informal learning environments which results in poor SPS skills and academic achievement.

Identification of characteristics predictive of later SPS skills may aid in the design of interventions for shy children with SPS difficulties to improve later social and academic success. Such programs might focus on identifying early SPS difficulties and reducing the distress felt by some children placed in unfamiliar situations to promote better adaptation and social competence during early childhood. Interventions targeted at increasing shy children’s SPS skills might also include less shy peers. Given that shy children usually want to play with others, having less shy peers initiate interactions might help lessen their distress and provide examples of competent ways to initiate peer play. This may also promote positive social interactions, which are associated with discontinuity in wary behaviors ( Almas et al., 2011 ). Prevention efforts could begin as early as the toddler years given the current study findings showing that shyness is associated with SPS difficulties as early as 24 months of age.

Limitations & Future Directions

One of the strengths of the current study is that we observed SPS behaviors and affect at 24 months of age and continued to follow the same children until 48 months of age. With this comes the challenges of observing behaviors at this very young age (i.e., 24 months of age), when children have a limited repertoire of behaviors and their verbal skills are just beginning to emerge. As such our inter-rater reliability for some of the coded behaviors and loadings for the SPS competence composite were lower at age 2 than at later ages.

Although we speculate above that changes in SPS trajectories were consistent with other aspects of development (e.g., theory of mind, language development, and social motivation), longitudinal studies should examine how the different aspects of development are related to SPS and the direction of these effects. Future studies should also examine the potential moderators (e.g., self-regulation, maternal behavior, peer interactions) that lead to continuity and discontinuity in SPS trajectories associated with shyness. In addition, future studies should examine the inter-relations between shyness and SPS over time to determine the direction of effects and how temperament and SPS covary over time.

Over the 24 to 48 month period, there were changes in children’s SPS competence; however, shy children experienced particular difficulty during social interactions across the toddler and preschool years. One protective factor for shy children may be engaging in positive peer interactions early on. Recent work suggests that early exposure of temperamentally fearful children to same age peers is associated with discontinuity in displays of wariness from infancy through toddlerhood ( Almas et al., 2011 ). Prevention programs might focus on identifying early social deficits to reduce the distress felt by shy children to promote positive peer interactions and SPS skills during challenging social situations.

Correlations and Descriptive Statistics for temperament and SPS variables.

Note: SPS = Social problem solving; SD = Standard Deviation

• Competent social problem solving increased for all children during early childhood.
• There were multiple trajectories of withdrawn and competent social problem solving.
• Some shy children display improvement while others show poor social problem solving.

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Home » Blog » General » Developing Social Skills: High School Scenarios for Problem Solving

Developing Social Skills: High School Scenarios for Problem Solving

Welcome to my blog! In today’s post, we will be discussing the importance of social skills in high school and exploring social problem-solving scenarios specifically designed for high school students. Developing strong social problem-solving skills can greatly benefit students in navigating various social situations and building positive relationships. So, let’s dive in!

Understanding Social Problem-Solving

Before we delve into the specific scenarios, let’s first understand what social problem-solving entails. Social problem-solving is the process of identifying, analyzing, and resolving social conflicts or challenges. It involves several key components, including active listening, empathy, generating multiple solutions, evaluating consequences, and implementing and reflecting on chosen solutions.

By developing social problem-solving skills, high school students can enhance their ability to communicate effectively, understand others’ perspectives, and make responsible decisions. These skills are essential for building healthy relationships, resolving conflicts, and navigating the complexities of the high school environment.

Common High School Social Scenarios

Now, let’s explore some common social scenarios that high school students often encounter. By examining these scenarios, we can better understand the challenges they face and the skills required to navigate them successfully.

Peer conflicts and disagreements

High school is a time when students are forming their identities and asserting their independence. As a result, conflicts and disagreements among peers are common. These situations require effective communication, active listening, and the ability to find mutually beneficial solutions.

Dealing with bullying or exclusion

Bullying and exclusion can have a significant impact on a student’s well-being and social development. High school students need to develop the skills to stand up against bullying, seek support from trusted adults, and foster a sense of inclusivity within their social circles.

Navigating group projects and teamwork

Group projects and teamwork are a regular part of high school academics. Students must learn to collaborate effectively, delegate tasks, and resolve conflicts that may arise within the group. These situations require strong communication, cooperation, and problem-solving skills.

Handling peer pressure and making responsible choices

Peer pressure is prevalent in high school, and students often face difficult decisions that can impact their well-being and future. Developing social problem-solving skills can empower students to make responsible choices, resist negative peer pressure, and prioritize their values and goals.

Resolving conflicts with teachers or authority figures

Conflicts with teachers or authority figures can be challenging for high school students. Resolving these conflicts requires effective communication, empathy, and the ability to find common ground. Developing these skills can help students advocate for themselves while maintaining respectful relationships.

Strategies for Developing Social Problem-Solving Skills

Now that we have explored common high school social scenarios, let’s discuss strategies for developing social problem-solving skills. These strategies can be practiced both in and outside of the classroom to enhance students’ ability to navigate social challenges effectively.

Active listening and empathy

Active listening involves fully engaging with others’ perspectives and emotions. By actively listening, students can better understand others’ needs and concerns, leading to more effective problem-solving. Empathy, on the other hand, allows students to put themselves in others’ shoes, fostering understanding and compassion.

Identifying emotions and perspectives

Understanding and identifying emotions, both in oneself and others, is crucial for effective social problem-solving. High school students should learn to recognize and manage their emotions while also considering the emotions and perspectives of those around them.

Generating multiple solutions

Encourage high school students to brainstorm multiple solutions to social problems. By considering various options, students can explore different perspectives and potential outcomes, leading to more informed decision-making.

Evaluating consequences and making informed decisions

Teach students to evaluate the potential consequences of each solution they generate. By considering the short-term and long-term effects, students can make more informed decisions that align with their values and goals.

Implementing and reflecting on chosen solutions

After selecting a solution, students should implement it and reflect on its effectiveness. This reflection allows students to learn from their experiences and make adjustments as needed. Encourage students to seek feedback from trusted adults or mentors to further enhance their problem-solving skills.

Tips for Practicing Social Problem-Solving

Now that we have discussed strategies for developing social problem-solving skills, let’s explore some practical tips for practicing these skills in real-life scenarios.

Role-playing and simulations

Role-playing and simulations provide opportunities for students to practice social problem-solving in a safe and controlled environment. Create scenarios that mirror real-life situations and encourage students to apply the strategies discussed earlier.

Collaborative problem-solving activities

Engage students in collaborative problem-solving activities that require teamwork and cooperation. These activities can be both academic and non-academic, such as group projects, community service initiatives, or team-building exercises.

Journaling and self-reflection exercises

Encourage students to keep a journal where they can reflect on their social interactions and problem-solving experiences. Journaling allows students to process their thoughts and emotions, identify areas for improvement, and track their progress over time.

Seeking guidance from trusted adults or mentors

Remind students that seeking guidance from trusted adults or mentors is a valuable resource. Encourage them to reach out to teachers, counselors, or speech-language pathologists who can provide support and guidance in developing social problem-solving skills.

Resources for Further Support

For ongoing support in developing social problem-solving skills, there are various resources available.

Books, websites, and apps for social problem-solving

There are several books, websites, and apps specifically designed to help high school students develop social problem-solving skills. These resources provide additional strategies, scenarios, and interactive activities to enhance students’ learning experience.

School-based programs and workshops

Many schools offer programs and workshops focused on social-emotional learning and problem-solving. These programs provide a structured environment for students to practice and develop their social skills alongside their peers.

Professional help from speech-language pathologists or counselors

If students are facing significant challenges in developing social problem-solving skills, seeking professional help from speech-language pathologists or counselors can be beneficial. These professionals can provide individualized support and interventions tailored to students’ specific needs.

Developing social problem-solving skills is crucial for high school students to navigate the complexities of social interactions and build positive relationships. By actively practicing and refining these skills, students can enhance their communication, empathy, and decision-making abilities. Remember, developing social problem-solving skills is an ongoing process, so be patient and persistent in your efforts. Start your EverydaySpeech Free trial today to access a wide range of resources and support for developing social problem-solving skills.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you found this post helpful! If you have any questions or would like to share your experiences, please leave a comment below. I look forward to hearing from you!

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Social Skills Support Groups: 10 Helpful Activities & Games

Social skills can be like second nature, performed effortlessly by some. Other people struggle and feel awkward and out of place, with even basic skills.

This article will explain how well-planned group work can enhance social skills through games and role-play. Practice makes perfect.

Repeated exposure to these activities can support your clients to lead a more positive and fulfilling life in all life domains.

In this article, we will explain the advantages of social skills training in a group setting, ideas of how to support such a group, and various games and role-play activities.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will help you or your clients build healthy, life-enriching relationships.

This Article Contains:

Social skills training in groups explained, lesson plans & ideas for support groups, 5 helpful games & activities, 5 role-play activities, positivepsychology.com’s useful tools, a take-home message.

Social skills training (SST) helps individuals improve their social behavior and interactions with others. These interventions focus on both verbal and nonverbal communication (Reichow & Volkmar, 2010).

SST is used in special education, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, and even relationship therapy (Beidel et al., 2014). Since SST is also often offered in groups, it begs the question:

How are these groups run precisely?

Key components of SST groups

There is not a standardized format for these training groups. They may comprise between two to six individuals. The groups can be focused on children, adolescents, or adults.

SST tends to last around 12 weeks but may be shorter or longer (Reichow, Steiner, & Volkmar, 2012).

SST groups have several facilitators, which may be psychologists, youth workers, counselors, therapists, or teaching staff. Parents or caregivers can also receive appropriate training to deliver skills to a younger group of children and adolescents (Reichow et al., 2012).

SST groups aim to teach positive social behaviors, verbal and nonverbal communication , interactions, and skills. The groups provide a caring environment where people can learn from encouragement, experience, and practice (Harrell, Mercer, & Derosier, 2009).

Social skills can be developed in the group sessions but should be practiced between sessions to enable success. Those attending the groups need to be willing participants.

SST involves many tasks and activities. There is often work around social competence, problem solving, perspective taking, discussion, friendship skills, theory of mind, and recognizing emotions (Dubreucq, Haesebaert, Plasse, Dubreucq, & Franck, 2021).

Setting up the group

Participants.

The participants of an SST group can be anyone who is negatively affected by feeling different from others, such as an adult with mental health difficulties or a child with autism.

Group members need to be matched in terms of emotional, social, and behavioral needs. If the group members have individual areas of strength, they can act as positive models for other group members.

The group needs to meet at a convenient day and time for all to attend. This should be on the same day each week. Routine helps to cement the importance of the group with a definite time and place in the weekly calendar.

Meeting place

The group needs to meet in a space solely for them, not shared with other activities. The venue should provide confidentiality and security, where the group must not be interrupted, watched by others, or overheard.

Setting up the room

The room needs to be set up in the same manner each time to avoid wasted time and distractions.

A circle of chairs should be organized for the group participants to sit. This enables a safe permeable space with an inside and an outside, allowing focus to shift from person to person.

A poster of the group rules should be displayed each week. Group members must decide on the rules so they feel they have ownership of them.

The consequences of breaking the rules should also be discussed and agreed upon with group members so they do not feel discriminated against if rules are applied.

Each session of an SST group needs to be planned to ensure the group runs well and has a focus. If lessons are not well structured and don’t have a well-planned outline, then members may drop out.

Lessons plans and ideas can incorporate the following topics.

Importance of social skills

This lesson could outline how strong social skills can improve confidence, relationships, and friendships. Improved engagement in education, work, and recreational activities should also be shared in discussion.

The group can also discuss mental and physical health improvements. A short video can help the group understand the importance of good interpersonal skills.

A lesson plan for learning how to share can be based on a brainstorming session on sharing. What does it look like or not look like? The group organizers can demonstrate real-life examples. This may include scenarios about sharing food, ideas, or books.

Scenarios about sharing passwords, revealing or embarrassing requests, and personal and sensitive information are also important. These will illustrate to group members what is not considered good sharing.

Taking turns

People who lack social skills may not understand appropriate turn taking. They may not know how to pay attention to what is going on.

This lesson plan can make use of a jigsaw puzzle and can be helpful for children and adolescents. Each person is given a piece of the puzzle, then they pay attention and wait their turn.

The same can be done with a question-and-answer debate for older groups. Each person is given a sticky note with a number indicating their turn to answer a question.

This lesson will emphasize manners, politeness, and eye contact. This can also be undertaken in role-play activities, discussed later.

Making friends

A lesson plan for teaching the concept of friendship can begin with a brainstorming session of good character traits valued in friends. Three small groups can be formed to do this. Their answers can be shared to note similarities and differences.

A discussion can take place about the role of friends in life. A good discussion point is also the importance of friends and why certain character traits in friends may not be good.

Group members can watch a video to highlight the importance of friendship.

Empathy has an essential role in improving social skills and relationships with others (Bellet & Maloney, 1991). This lesson can focus on differentiating empathy from sympathy using psychological definitions.

This can be followed by a discussion of emotions and their importance in relationships.

Improving eye contact

Eye contact is an important aspect of nonverbal communication (Bellet & Maloney, 1991). Good eye contact helps to build relationships and pick up on nonverbal communication from others. It helps to keep the attention of others, too.

A suitable method for promoting eye contact in group sessions is to place a colored sticker between the eyebrows. This can be undertaken for all group members, drawing attention to the eyes of others when talking.

Understanding body language

A lesson focused on body language activities can be beneficial in improving social skills. In this lesson, group members can learn about cues that they can later master themselves.

Body language uses subtle skills (Tipper, Signorini, & Grafton, 2015). When it is lacking, it gives a signal of being uncommunicative.

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There are several fun therapy games and activities that can develop good social skills. These can be repeated again and again to improve your client’s confidence.

The blindfold walk

This is a fun game that can be played with all ages and groups. To do it, you’ll need a blindfold, several obstacles (chair, stool, table), open space to move in, and some musical instruments.

The group members work in pairs: a leader and a follower. The follower is blindfolded, and the leader guides them. The rest of the group makes noise with the instruments to guide the follower.

There should be no talking in this game. A different instrument sound will indicate a different way to walk (left, right, backward, or straight ahead). Adding a timing element to the task makes it even more exciting to see which couple finishes quicker.

As the couples have to work together, this game also promotes cooperation, active listening , problem solving, and trust in social interactions.

Introduction game

Introducing yourself to another person can be very anxiety provoking for someone with little confidence. People with poor social skills may not know how to do this. An introduction can be fun and build trust , a sense of identity, and belonging.

In the introduction game, all group members say their name followed by an action, such as two taps of the foot and a bow. Then the other members repeat the person’s name and the action. This continues (adding consecutive names and actions as you go, or not) until everyone has had a turn.

Two truths and a lie

Another easy group game involves each person telling two truths and one lie about themselves, such as ‘I was born in Germany; I love to eat spaghetti; I cycle 10 miles every week.’ Everyone else has to work out which statement is the lie.

Character analysis

The character analysis activity involves groups of three to four members discussing a character in a book or a movie. The group facilitator will provide the group with a book or a movie to watch and identify the character to discuss in smaller groups.

Group members will need to discuss the character’s traits, strengths, difficulties, and how the character changes over time. Each small group prepares a brief presentation that outlines how the character has demonstrated good and poor social skills and has (or hasn’t) improved.

You have something I would like

This activity involves requesting something. The activity can include group members being split into pairs.

One of the group members has an object, like a ball or a book. The other group member has to persuade the person with the object to give it to them. This activity focuses on using persuasion techniques, politeness, and compliments to gain the item. This activity allows group members to experience emotions involved in social interactions, such as pleasure, rejection, happiness, and sadness.

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Role-play is a great way to practice social skills and communication with others in a safe manner.

Role-play is undertaken in a neutral environment and allows group members to test out a situation. Group members can consider different perspectives, develop empathy, solve problems, and explore new ideas.

The following five role-play activities can be used within groups to promote social skills. These are adapted from the social skills training program from the Center for Clinical Interventions for people with mental health difficulties.

Walking your dog

In this role-play, one group member pretends they are walking their dog and bumps into another dog walker they do not know. The two dogs appear to like each other. The first dog walker has to play an active role and ask questions of the second dog walker.

The facilitator can intervene when needed and ask open-ended questions to draw the conversation out. This activity shows group members how to start a conversation with new people and allows friendships to develop from new encounters.

Meeting an old friend

The group member needs to ask questions about what the old friend has been doing since they saw them last. There will be a mix of good and bad news. This will test the group members’ listening skills and ability to hold a conversation, respond appropriately with empathy if there is bad news, and use paraphrasing skills.

Ability to say no

People with poor social skills often lack assertiveness (Ames, Lee, & Wazlawek, 2017). This role-play tests the ability to say no. The group member pretends a persuasive seller approaches them. This role-play tests the group members’ ability to refuse politely, resist persuasion, assert themselves, and leave the situation.

Plans for Friday night

This role-play involves planning to go out on Friday night with a friend, coordinating plans and weighing options. This activity tests listening skills and compromise when reaching an agreement.

Making friends in a new job

Another role-play practices initiating conversation and communication skills with an unfamiliar person using the ARE method: anchor, reveal, and encourage (Fleming, 2013).

This role-play concerns starting a new job and wanting to get to know colleagues and make friends. The group member imagines walking into work one morning and initiating conversation with a new colleague. The group facilitator can intervene with additional questions to combat silence.

Social skills everyone should know – Science of People

At the core of improving social skills is building positive relationships and increasing emotional wellbeing.

The Positive Relationships Masterclass is a powerful tool to help others move toward increasing their life satisfaction. Through this masterclass, you will learn about the fundamental principles of relationships and how to help others establish the key skills of building supportive connections with others.

If you have enjoyed reading this article, you may wish to look at Social Skills Training for Adults , an article that also has strategies and training ideas for developing social skills in adults. The article contains interesting videos and podcasts that can demonstrate social skills being tested out in different situations.

The Social Skills Training for Kids article can be beneficial if you are working with toddlers, children, or teenagers. It includes several lesson plans, activities, and online and board games you can use to enhance their social skills.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others build healthy relationships, this collection contains 17 validated positive relationships tools for practitioners. Use them to help others form healthier, more nurturing, and life-enriching relationships.

The following social skills worksheets are also useful for improving social skills:

• Starting a Conversation – The ARE Method Initiating conversations with new people can be difficult. The ARE method described earlier is a helpful way of doing this. This worksheet provides examples of how this method can be used to enhance a normal conversation. It can be incorporated into role-play and social skills lessons.
• Different Ways to Say ‘No’ Politely If you want to help clients who are struggling to assert themselves and say ‘no’, this is the ideal worksheet . It will help your clients practice setting boundaries and limits effectively.

17 Exercises for Positive, Fulfilling Relationships

Empower others with the skills to cultivate fulfilling, rewarding relationships and enhance their social wellbeing with these 17 Positive Relationships Exercises [PDF].

Created by experts. 100% Science-based.

We often take social skills for granted, but it certainly does not seem like second nature to some. You may have recognized this in some of your clients.

All is not lost. They can be trained to learn these skills again, and with practice, your clients can experience a more fulfilling life.

This article has shown you how the supportive nature of SST groups can work wonders to facilitate growth and development and improve interpersonal connections.

After reading this article, I hope you agree that these groups are packed full of fun ideas, activities, and role-play. Clients, whether they are young or old, will thoroughly enjoy taking part in these groups. They are theatrical, and clients may see them more like pleasure and recreation than hard work.

We encourage you to explore some of these activities together with your clients. The games, role-play, and exercises will go far to create interesting sessional work and enable your clients to improve their quality of life.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free .

• Ames, D., Lee, A., & Wazlawek, A. (2017). Interpersonal assertiveness: Inside the balancing act. Social and Personality Psychology Compass , 11 (6), 1–16.
• Beidel, D. C., Alfano, C. A., Kofler, M. J., Rao, P. A., Scharfstein, L., & Wong Sarver, N. (2014). The impact of social skills training for social anxiety disorder: A randomized controlled trial. Journal of Anxiety Disorders , 28 (8), 908–918.
• Bellet, P. S., & Maloney, M. J. (1991). The importance of empathy as an interviewing skill in medicine. JAMA , 266(13), 1831–1832.
• Dubreucq, J., Haesebaert, F., Plasse, J., Dubreucq, M., & Franck, N. (2021). A systematic review and meta-analysis of social skills training for adults with autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism Developmental Disorder . Advance online publication.
• Fleming, C. (2013). It’s the way you say it: Becoming articulate, well-spoken and clear (2nd ed.). Berrett-Koehler.
• Harrell, A., Mercer, S., & Derosier, M. (2009). Improving the social-behavioral adjustment of adolescents: The effectiveness of a social skills groups intervention. Journal of Child and Family Studies , 18 (4), 378–387.
• Reichow, B., Steiner, A. M., & Volkmar, F. (2012). Social skills groups for people aged 6 to 21 with autism spectrum disorders (ASD). Campbell Systematic Reviews , 8 (1), 1–76.
• Reichow, B., & Volkmar, F. (2010). Social skills interventions for individuals with autism: Evaluation for evidence-based practices within a best evidence synthesis framework. Journal of Autism Developmental Disorder , 40 , 149–166.
• Tipper, C. M., Signorini, G., & Grafton, S. T. (2015). Body language in the brain: Constructing meaning from expressive movement. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience , 9 , 450.

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My name is Huifang Xu, an associate professor (with Ph.D. degree) working for Faculty of Pre-school Education of Beijing Institute of Education, Beijing, China. Our college provides on-job training for teachers in Beijing (Please see my attached CV for more research background and skills..). My daily work is to provide professional support to kindergarten teachers for their professional development. In kindergarten activities, there are always some children with emotional and behavioral problems. Many children’s problems are related to their family rearing environment. Kindergarten teachers hope to help these children as well as to communicate with their parents to support them, but they are short of ways. After reading the therapy skills in your website, I feel that they are exactly the strategies and skills that kindergarten teachers and parents need. I wish I could visit your center for one year to learn more about the therapy. I am sure that my further studies under your guidance will help me achieve my goals. After I finish my study schedule in U.S., I’ll come back to my college to help more teachers and parents.

I will appreciate it very much if you could give me your advice and consideration , and other relevant information

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely yours,

Hi Huifang,

Thank you so much for your interest in furthering your skills alongside us 🙂 I’d suggest checking out this blog post to learn more about what we do and to get in touch by email if you’re interested in connecting with us.

Look forward to hopefully hearing from you!

– Nicole | Community Manager

very good- informative and also creative aspects

Thank you Sudeesh. I am glad you enjoyed this article!

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The Surprising Reason for Bad Child Behavior: “I Can’t Solve Problems”

By sara bean, m.ed..

What causes bad child behavior? James Lehman says it happens because children don’t yet know how to solve problems effectively.

To put it another way, they act out as an attempt to handle life’s problems. And they continue to act out, frankly, because it’s working for them.

But here’s the truth: If you don’t help him find a better way to solve problems, then the acting out will continue. And it will get worse.

Does this sound familiar?

• You tell your teenage son he can’t go out during the week, and he kicks a hole in the wall before storming out of the house anyway.
• You ask your preteen daughter to change her inappropriate outfit. She throws a screaming fit and calls you a b—-, all before 8 a.m.
• Your 10-year-old wants to watch TV, but he needs to finish his homework. When you put your foot down, he rages and has an hour-long meltdown that leaves you feeling frustrated, exhausted, and helpless.

The Types of Problems Kids Face

Keep in mind there are many different kinds of problems kids encounter, and each looks a little different in terms of behavior. These are the three main types of problem-solving challenges you might see:

• Emotional Problems. Everyone has moments of feeling angry, sad, frustrated, helpless, or excited. When you’re a child who hasn’t figured out how to deal with his emotions, having these feelings can bring on irritating or abusive acting-out behavior. For example, instead of dealing appropriately or even reasonably well with being told “no,” your child has tantrums, curses at you, yells, or punches holes in the walls.
• Social Problems. Some kids don’t get along well with others, particularly people their age. They don’t know how to introduce themselves to someone, how to say “no,” or how to handle it if a peer does something they don’t like. Bullies often lack social problem-solving skills and treat others poorly to compensate. A bully solves her problems at the expense of everyone else’s sense of security.
• Functional Problems. This is when your child has problems meeting responsibilities around the home, at school, or in the community. He might continually lose schoolwork, refuse to do chores, talk out of turn in class or talk back to teachers, and lie about having his homework done. For example, your son may lie and tell you he did his homework in school. The next day, you tell him you want to check his work, but he didn’t even bring it home. He says he forgot—another lie. Before you know it, the zeros are piling up, and he keeps lying about his schoolwork night after night while his grades fall lower and lower.

How to Teach Your Child to Solve Problems

The best way to start teaching your child better problem-solving skills is to have a conversation about a particular incident. Do this after things have calmed down and before you talk about consequences . Your goal here is to identify the problem, teach your child how to solve it, and then hold him accountable—not to punish him and make him miserable.

Find a quiet time to sit down with your child and talk. If your child refuses to participate without being abusive or refuses to participate at all, then put one privilege on hold until you get through a calm, cooperative conversation. Here are some tips to get you started.

Don’t Ask Your Child “Why” They Misbehave

“Why” invites excuses and blame. Ask deeper questions to identify the problem such as “What were you thinking when…?” or “What were you trying to accomplish by…?” This works well for both elementary school kids and teens.

Some kids, especially those in preschool and early elementary school, might have difficulty answering these questions. They may not know why they are misbehaving. If your younger child is over-tired and fighting with his sister, don’t ask him “why.” Instead, tell him why—tell him he’s overtired. Say to him:

“You’re not getting along with your sister because you’re over-tired. Go to your room, take a nap, and when you get up, you will feel better.”

Younger kids will develop the ability to talk about their thoughts more as they grow older. Be patient, take a break, and let your child think about things a bit more rather than pressure them to answer right away. Accept that they may not know “why” and deal in a practical way with the behavior itself.

Focus on One Issue at a Time

Talk about one problem and one problem only during this conversation. Don’t bring up something that happened two weeks ago or something else your child did today that upset you. If your child brings up another incident, let him know you will talk about that later. Tackling too many problems at once usually only results in frustration on your part because it’s overwhelming to address them all at the same time.

Identify Replacement Behaviors for Your Child

Talk about what your child will do differently the next time this problem comes up. Allow your child to try to come up with an idea on her own. Make some suggestions if she’s struggling. Perhaps you decide that when you tell your preteen daughter she can’t do something, she can go to her room and write in a journal instead of screaming and calling you names. Or maybe you decide that she might ask herself if it’s worth it to scream at you and call you names, or tell herself, “It isn’t the end of the world if I can’t wear this skirt to school.”

Don’t Accept Wishful Thinking Responses From Your Child

When you ask your child what he will do differently next time, many kids will give you an answer based on wishful thinking, such as, “I just won’t do it again” or “I’ll do better.”

Wishful thinking is a type of faulty thinking that indicates that your child truly believes he can just do something without really putting thought or effort into it. Get your child to be more specific. Ask him:

“How will you stop cursing at me? What will I see you doing instead?”

Be a Role Model for Your Child

Remember that kids study us for a living. If you yell and curse, your child will yell and curse as well. Act the way you want your children to act.

Observation is a key learning method for kids, especially younger ones, so be aware of this. You are the most important role model in your child’s life, even if he acts like you aren’t, so make sure to play the role well.

How Will I Know If It’s Working?

Many parents have unrealistic expectations about the problem-solving process. They talk with us in parent coaching after trying once, disappointed that it didn’t work and that their child turned right around and did it again.

This is extremely frustrating, but it’s no surprise. When kids are caught in the heat of the moment, it’s hard for them to remember that conversation you had a few days ago—or even earlier that day.

The replacement behavior you talked about is right there on the surface—it hasn’t sunk in yet. The negative behaviors that have become habits are like a well-worn groove, and it’s easier for your child to fall into one of them like they have a hundred times before. After all, these old, comfortable behaviors have been learned and reinforced for years, while the new behavior hasn’t.

Be prepared for the fact that you will need to be your child’s coach. Give him a brief reminder about what he’s supposed to do instead, and then walk away.

You also might need to experiment with several different replacement behaviors to find one that fits. For example, some kids cool down best with a bike ride or some exercise, and some like to listen to music in their room. Listen to your instincts—you know your child best, and you will find the right solution together.

Be Persistent in Addressing Your Child’s Behavior

This process isn’t always easy. There will be times when you take some steps backward, or maybe you’ll get off to a really slow start and won’t feel like you’re getting anywhere.

But rest assured that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve talked with many parents through parent coaching who felt hopeless and frustrated but were able to stick with it. I saw them make phenomenal progress with their child and themselves. They restored peace to their homes.

It’s important to focus on the positive and look for even the smallest improvements. Keep talking about what can be done differently and stay positive. Give your child some verbal recognition for noticeable changes and effort.

Incentive systems and reward charts are also helpful ways to reinforce replacement behaviors. Positive verbal recognition and earning incentives help keep you on track to create some long-term behavior changes. Continue to do your best and take one small step at a time.

Related content: Free Downloadable Behavior Charts

The reward? As you go through this process of having problem-solving discussions and coaching your child, you will see that he gradually uses those replacement behaviors more and more with less coaching from you. And as kids get better at solving various problems on their own, most will start to feel better about themselves.

As James Lehman says in The Total Transformation® , “you can’t feel your way to better behavior, you can behave your way to better feelings.”

Having strong problem-solving skills improves self-esteem. Kids feel good about themselves when they conquer something hard. And let’s face it: when kids feel good, parents feel good, too. It’s a win-win.

Like this article? Join the conversation below or jump to the top to share on social media.

Related Content: Challenging Parenting Issues: 5 of the Hardest Things Parents Face It’s Never Too Late: 7 Ways to Start Parenting More Effectively

About Sara Bean, M.Ed.

Sara Bean, M.Ed. is a certified school counselor and former Empowering Parents Parent Coach with over 10 years of experience working with children and families. She is also a proud mom.

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Dear Parent Coach,

I am doing my best to help my son(13 years old)trying various of parenting methods, attented PPP, I've done SEN course, currently even studying psychology. Despite that my son is acting out exactly like his peers (sadly he is best friend with children who misbehave a lot). The major problem is him getting frustrated each time I am trying to explain something to him, he refuses to listen, sometimes calling names, once he hit me and than automatically said it was a joke. I set up limits but I can't use any form of punishment like taking phone for 2 h or switch off PlayStation as he will attempt to take it from my hand or not let me come even close to it. After his anger outburst I am letting him stay alone in his room to calm down and then trying to talk calmly about what happened but this seems not much result as he is getting frustrated even more cutting me off, shouting, calling names and making me feel miserable. After couple of cycles of trying I'm giving up. Than when he is seeing me sad(sometimes even crying) he is apologising but also always admit and talking about my mistakes for example when I shouted and I'm not supposed to. He is always talking back to teachers and trying to solve the problem immediately even if teacher is saying that they will talk later. It is making him furious and he is able to tap the door and leave the class. He is currently on behaviour plan(green) so there is a progress as he has been twice on amber and even twice on red, so there was a threat of exclusion from school for couple of days. It is very stressful for me as I am single mum worrying about bills and food, work etc. Sometimes I am not able to cope and feeling very down but I am repeating to myself I need to stay strong. In the past GP offered me talking therapy and again positive parenting programme which I did anyway but because I am working full time I am not able to attend all this support. If I made myself free I won't be able to pay bills. Is a hard situation.

Cathy My daughter is 14. I am a very protective parent. I am out of my mind right now. Over the past month I found out she stole 3000.00 from her grandma, stole 100.00 from sister, skipped school and has been doing dab, snuck out 3 times in the night and More I found condoms. She denied it forever and now she seems like she has no regret.

no thank u so much for this comment.

Rebecca Wolfenden, Parent Coach I hear you. It can be so frustrating when you discover that your child has lied to you, and it can be difficult not to take this type of behavior personally. As noted in the article above, kids usually act out because they lack effective problem solving skills, More and we encourage parents to view lying as a faulty problem solving skill. Lying is often used as a way to solve some type of problem, such as wanting to avoid a consequence, or to smooth over a potential conflict. It can also be helpful to focus less on the lying itself, and more on the underlying behavior, such as not following your rules around dating. For more tips on effectively addressing lying, be sure to check out How to Deal with Lying in Children and Teens . I recognize how challenging this behavior can be, and I hope that you will write back and let us know how things are going for you and your family. Take care.

Paigep If you raise kids from an early age to love reading, they will likely do better in school. Since the brain is 80percent developed by age three, make sure hat you read, talk, sing, dance and draw pictures with your young child. Children under 5 really shouldn't watch tv either. More Remeber that some kids have a more creative type of spirit and will do better at a school that is more creative and open minded. If your kid struggles in school, get them tutor. Don't allow obscene behavior or cursing and make sure that boundaries are very clear.

I have a 9 years old boy .he gets angry so easily

he doesn't like to do his homework. When i ask him to do homework he yells at me .he just like ti play and play .he doent like bed time he says i wish there is no sleep time .he always gets mad .when other kids do.esn't listen to him .iam so worried about him .what if he gets worse when he grow up

Many parents I have worked with have shared similar worries.

It can be easy to predict a poor future when your child seems to struggle with

everyday expectations. As much as possible, try not to worry about what might

happen in the future. Focus instead on what steps you can take today to help

your son develop better coping and problem solving skills as suggested in the above article.

Here’s another article

I think could be helpful: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/. We

appreciate you writing in. Take care.

No Where to Turn Dismayed Parent I know how you feel. I have a 16 year old son who has from the age of 5 been very defiant and destructive. For the last two years I have been fighting him about his school work and to no avail.  He only has 65 credits More so far.  Just recently I went looking for my laptop and no where was it to be found.  I also noticed that my emergency money was missing.  He denied it all.  That same day I noticed this I went out and bought a drug test and tested him when I got home from work.  It was positive for pot. I went into action.  I did not focus on the stolen money or the laptop (though I was really angry) instead I got him into a rehab program the next day and had my husband take him to NA.  Tonight was his first meeting at NA and when he came home he immediately went to his room and got his pipe and handed it to me.  I took him outside away from the other children and we talked.  He finally admitted that he had sold my laptop, his xbox, my nook, and stolen my money all for pot.  This was very new to me because out of all four of my children he is the one that always lies and will never admit to any wrong doing. My husband told me that all the people at the NA meeting told their life stories and how everything started with pot and then progressed onto harder drugs which destroyed their lives.  I did not want to break this new thing but I also did not want him to think he could get away with this either.  So I told him there would be a consequence (thank goodness that even though I took his phone away I was still allowing him to call his girlfriend for one hour every night).   I told him that for the next two nights he would not be able to use the phone to make that call. However, for coming clean at the end of this week he would get his phone back.  He accepted it with a little whining that he should not be punished for telling the truth.  This is from a child that has always used aggressive behavior to get his way.  He is well known to yell, call names, use foul language and destroy whatever is close by.  I have holes in my walls from his fist.  I am hoping I handled this correctly because the way I handled it was way different than I normally handle these issues.  Since I have been reading these articles I realized I punished harshly and long. To be exact this kid had been grounded for a whole year. By the way once he was released he went right back to his old ways. I was also on my way to doing it again but as I researched for ideas I discovered this site and though it goes against my nature I decided to try it out.  I held in my anger and listened to my son.  So now I want to learn more because I do know this is not the end and we as a family have a long ways to go. So to a dismayed parent from another dismayed parent you are not alone in this road of destructive behavior.  I hugged my son and told him that he meant the world to me and while he was under my roof he will obey my rules and I will not back down like before.

My 8 year old son showed his father the middle finger after he (dad) asked for the remote control. I was not at home when it happened. My husband (dad) says that it is the second time he has done. Well i am the discplinarian at home, but i am not sure what i can do about this What if he shows the teacher , other people the finger?

I am more frustrated with my husband's "relaxed approach".

I apprieciate all the answers.

Thanks for writing in with your question! Often times, behaviors

like what you describe are a child’s reaction to a limit they don’t like or

agree with. While it is disrespectful, we recommend not giving it a lot of

power by overreacting or giving consequences in the moment. What might be most

effective is to set a limit like “that is not ok”, and walk away. Later, when

the situation is calm, you can have a conversation with your son about what he

can do different next time, when asked to do something he doesn’t want to do,

instead of showing his middle finger. Often times, the less of a response a

behavior like this gets, the quicker it dies by neglect. I hope this is

helpful. Take care.

Marissa EP talemwam1

Thank you so much for taking time to reply. I really apprieciate it.

I have a 5 year old who is the smartest kid in his kindergarten class but he is also the most disruptive.

When he is at home or with one of his parents or grandparents he is an angle. I get compliments all the time over how well behaved he is. Once one of us are not around he is different.

He does things at school that he would never do at home, such as: throwing things in class while the teacher is talking, shoved a pencil in another child's mouth for fun, sword fights with scissors, takes his shoes off during story time...

Also he throws a verbal tantrum when he doesn't want to do work in class. He will yell and say that it is to hard but when I have him do it at home he is fine.

When he thinks he is in trouble at school he refuses to clip down and screams "No"... I talk to him every day about this behavior but every day is still bad for him...

I don't know how to get him to do the right thing when I am not around. I don't know what to do with my five year old!

@Helplessmomma5

Dealing with behaviors that occur outside of the home can be

quite problematic. A lot of parents have similar questions about how they can

influence their child’s behavior at school or other areas, so, you’re not

alone. The most important aspect of helping a child improve his behavior is

problem solving. As Sara Bean points out in the above article, the most common

reason that a child acts out is because he lacks the skills to effectively deal

with situations he finds upsetting or difficult. Including problem solving in

your conversations could be a big help. For example, when you get a report

about an acting out incident, you might ask your son what was going on before

the incident happened. You could also ask him what he was trying to do when he

responded the way he did. Once you have an idea about what may have motivated

the behavior, you can then help him finds ways he could respond differently in

the future. Another thing you might consider doing is implementing an incentive

plan that is focused on positive behaviors at school. He could earn a special

privilege when he has a day at school without any negative behaviors. Or, you

might utilize a more structured behavior chart where he could earn checkmarks

toward a bigger reward. For more information on behavior charts, you can check

out this article Free Downloadables! Child Behavior Charts: How to Use Them Effectively .

It includes templates that can be downloaded and printed off. I hope this

information is useful for your situation. Be sure to let us know if we can be

of further assistance. Take care.

He might just be, you know, 15.

I was the quintessential kid from hell -- merrily told my teachers I'd do my assignments and write the exams but felt my time would best be spent [not in high school class], went to waaaay too many parties and had the worst attitude ever. Why? Because, umm, I was 14, 15 and 16. There really wasn't anything anyone could do about it. My parent conceded that my attitude sucked but given that I'd completed the schoolwork/exams AND that the syllabus said 100% grades were based on written work (ie not being in class)... so the school ought to give me the grades I'd earned. All As.

I hated high school enough to leave early - with a 4.0 GPA. I started college at 16, graduated at 19 & had my Master's at 21.

(I didn't have a learning disability or mental illness, psychoanalyzing my awful behavior wouldn't have helped. There was no need to pathologize my obnoxious behavior... because I'd eventually outgrow it).

My 15 year old daughter solves her maths problems perfectly. However when she writes the final answer she writes it wrong.

Read more:  The Surprising Reason for Bad Child Behavior: “I Can’t Solve Problems”

alphonsacordeiro My daughter solves her maths problems perfectly. However when she writes the final answer she writes it wrong.

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

We value your opinions and encourage you to add your comments to this discussion. We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political or religious nature. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to every question posted on our website.

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