definition essay unconditional love

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Definition Essay: Love

Love is something that means very different things to different people. For some, love can be purely romantic, or even purely sexual. For others, real love is utterly unconditional and only truly exists between family members, or between people and a deity. And for some people, love is fluid, ever changing, and everywhere, and is felt for family, friends, partners, pets, and even inanimate objects, dead artists, and fictional characters. None of these people would be right or wrong, but one thing is certain: love is the most powerful force in the entire universe.

Between partners of any description, be they married or cohabiting, boyfriend and girlfriend, straight or gay, young or old, love is a relationship of mutual understanding and respect. Marriages and partnerships are often built on common ground that people find when they first meet; this can be as deep as sharing religious, philosophical or religious beliefs, or as simple as finding that you love the same film, book, or band.

This kind of love is often reliant on some kind of ‘chemistry’: that strange feeling that they give you in the pit of your stomach, and the feeling that nothing in the world is more important to you than enjoying the moment you’re in together. Some people feel that they experience love at first sight, where they know from the minute they set eyes on each other that they want to to be with that person, but something built on common interests and understanding must be stronger.

A parent’s love for a child can also often be described as love at first sight, but this is very strong because it comes from a natural instinct to protect our offspring. This love can often start before the baby is even born: you only have to look at the pride and excitement of many parents-to-be when they have their scans and feel their baby kick for the very first time. This kind of love is also felt by a child for its mother; it is unconditional for at least the first few years of life, and can also be felt between siblings.

It is the strength of this feeling that makes love the most powerful emotion that most of us will ever experience. People can do some dreadful things out of hate and fear, but love can push us to do much, much worse. And it is often love that can cause us to hate, whether it’s out of jealousy, or anger because our loved one has been hurt. Love, ultimately, is a sacrifice, whatever the relationship, and it must be the most powerful force in the universe because as human beings, we make true sacrifices for nothing less.

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Relationships

Is It Right to Love Unconditionally?

What is unconditional love does it make us lazy human beings.

Posted December 4, 2020

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For those who already know

You were born and that is enough, in theory, to know what unconditional love means. When at loss for words to describe unconditional love, people often point to parental love as the easiest example to explain what unconditional love actually means.

You were born and your parents loved you despite all your flaws and strengths.

Good for you!

What about all those who struggled with the love received from their parents? Those whose parents were emotionally immature or those who were never enough for their parents; those who grew up with aloof parents or those who felt suffocated by their parental love? The rest of my reflections are for them:

For those who have no clue

How often have you desired to be loved for who you are? How many times have you caught yourself chasing a relationship because you just wanted to be loved? Have you ever thought that unconditional love should imply sacrifice?

Unconditional love is often the goal of an entire life and very rarely do we stop reflecting on what it is and how it can be achieved. Our instincts might drive us to fulfill our thirst for love in a chaotic way while our mind might lead us in directions that do not necessarily make our heart happy. Where is the right balance? How can we experience unconditional love for ourselves or others?

Christian religion, for sure, dedicated refined discussions on what agape —charitable love—is and how we can achieve it. There’s an animated debate about whether we can take agape as a synonym for unconditional love. In fact, what is called agape refers to that brotherly love that keeps the community together no matter our individual flaws. Also, unconditional seems to be the love that God holds for us regardless of what we feel for God or the damages that we might bring to God (For, God loved all humans unconditionally by sending his beloved Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins—John 3:16).

Yet, again, what if we are not Christians? What if we want to understand unconditional love in less Biblical terms? How can we be capable of this form of love? More importantly, should we be striving for this form of love? Or is it somewhat unethical being so forgiving toward ourselves and others.

Love, Ethics , and Humanistic Psychology

In the mid-20th century, a group of psychologists rose up against the limitation of Freud ’s and Skinner’s interpretations of human nature in search for a more holistic approach to human beings. Their positions were strongly influenced by existential and phenomenological philosophy —which means that they were trying to make sense of human existence as it unfolds in their life-world.

It seems that it was with the psychoanalyst Erich Fromm, and then with the humanistic approach of Rogers and Myers that the term ‘unconditional love’ was first introduced under the expression of 'unconditional positive regard.' This showed the healing power of love that developed the full potential of the human being. This term brought the sparkle of divinity to humans as it showed the importance of the unconditional acceptance of who we are in our healing.

Yet, one problem that always emerges in my practice when I talk about unconditional love has to do with the ethical boundaries . What are the ethical boundaries of unconditional love? Should we accept our children if they intentionally produce harm to ourselves and others? Should we keep loving an abusive partner?

Let’s Start with Parental Relationships

Let’s assume that parents should be an example of unconditional love for their children. Yet, how often have we encountered parents who cannot accept a son because he is gay, or a daughter because she is in love with the wrong man? In his 2012 book, Andrew Solomon reads for us a few lines from a bioethicists, Joseph Fletcher, who, in 1968, mentions a parental dilemma in relation to children with down syndrome:

"There is no reason to feel guilty about putting a Down’s syndrome baby away, whether it’s “put away” in the sense of hidden in a sanatorium or in a more responsible lethal sense. It is sad, yes. Dreadful. But it carries no guilt . True guilt arises only from an offense against a person, and a Down’s is not a person" ( Fletcher, Bard, 1968, 59-64)

This is an ethicist who clearly underestimates the power of unconditional love. In fact, now that we have higher acceptance of babies born with down syndrome, their life expectancy increased together with the quality of their life. Yet, before this, plenty of others were hidden in sanatoria or never allowed to live.

I believe that unconditional love can be described as a force capable of bringing to existence the essence of a human being in any form it presents.

In this case, the children were the victims of blind parents. But what happens when the children are causing suffering to others? What if your children are also guilty of despicable crimes?

Let’s take Susan Klebold, mother of Dylan Klebold, the shooter at Columbine. When interviewed, she was asked what she would have said to Dylan if he were still alive. She would have asked for forgiveness —she said. She was feeling sorry for not having understood the sense of confusion that Dylan was feeling inside, for not having been able to see him.

Clearly, Dylan did something wrong and clearly those parents had to acknowledge the tragedy that this caused. Yet, in reviewing this recent tragedy, Susan realized that more than avoiding all the choices that led up to that catastrophic event—going to college, marrying her husband, having that child—what she would change is paying more attention to the human being she was raising to know who he was and accepting or at least seeing his essence.

This acceptance does not erase the ethical wrong he personally did; it just gives existential justice to his soul. This person is no longer the whole cluster of projection of his parents’ dreams and regrets but he is his own existence.

Same problems arise in abusive relationships

Is unconditional love the ultimate goal of our lives? If we say yes, aren’t we condemned to endure abusive relationships with our romantic halves, unfair parents, or siblings? To what extent does the pursuit of unconditional love nail us to a self-sacrificing life?

I would say to no extent. Unconditional love implies the ability to see, bring to awareness the essence of the person we are living with, whether that is just ourselves or our romantic partner.

How often do we see what we want to see in the person we have in front of us or in ourselves? In one of my previous blog posts, I was playing with the Lacan notion that “love is giving what you do not have to someone who does not want it.” I believe that there is some painful truth in this.

Unconditional love does not mean that we are condemned to accept the rightness of an abusive partner, it means that we can see his unfair violence, but we stop making excuses for them in the pointless effort to justify our life in relation to them.

Unconditional love means to be compassionate toward our child, partner, or ourself especially after the realization that not all the expectations are met; it means to have eyes to see what kind of life is unfolding in front of (and within) us and to have a heart big enough to accept the social implications of that life—whether that involves having a son who is a mass murderer or a daughter who wants to devote her life to justice. Human capacity to love unconditionally is a means to living a meaningful life.

To conclude with a quote from Frankl's Man's Search For Meaning: "Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality . No one can become fully aware of the essence of another human being unless he loves him."

Frankl, V. (1946). Man's Search For Meaning, Beacon Press.

Fletcher, J. & Bard, B. (1968). "The Right to Die", Atlantic Monthly , 221, 59-64.

Solomon, A. (2012). Far from the Tree, Simon & Shuster .

Susi Ferrarello, Ph.D., is an associate professor at California State University, East Bay, and a philosophical counselor.

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The Psychology of Love

Love has fascinated researchers for decades. We look at what experts have learned about the origins and psychology of love.

Love is a powerful, complex emotional experience that involves changes in your body chemistry, including your neurotransmitters (brain chemicals). It impacts your social relationships in varied ways, affecting how you relate to others around you.

There are many types — like the love you share with your partner, family, and friends — and each version you feel is unique. It can fill you with emotions ranging from joy to heartbreak.

What is love?

Love is an emotion of strong affection, tenderness, or devotion toward a subject or object. When you love a person you experience pleasurable sensations in their presence and are sensitive about their reactions to you.

Research from 2016 points to neuropeptides and neurotransmitters as the source of love. Feelings of love help us form social bonds with others. As social creatures, these natural chemicals developed to help us survive by encouraging:

mutual support
reproduction
cooperation

It seems like so much more, though. Calling love an interaction of brain chemicals doesn’t quite describe how it can warm your heart and captivate your soul.

The psychology of love

Attachment is a component of love. Strong attachment bonds set mammals apart from many other types of animals, though other groups — including fish and birds — also form strong social connections to help them survive.

A 2017 review describes four types of mammalian attachment bonds as:

pair bonds, where individuals form a close, long-term social connection
bonds between parents and their infants
bonds between peers
conspecific bonds, or bonds between individuals of the same species

Most instances of human love fall into one of these categories. For example, the love you feel for a close friend could be classed as a peer bond.

A romantic relationship is a type of pair bond. It can start as mutual attraction and evolve into love over time.

When you like someone, you enjoy their companionship and care about their well-being. When you love them, those feelings are unconditional.

Physical effects of love

Love can do more than help you bond with another person. It can even impact your physical health.

Love may affect your immune system. A 2019 study found that falling in love resulted in immune system changes similar to protective viral infection responses.

It might also safeguard against cancer, according to a 2021 study that found tissue from pair-bonded mice was less likely to grow tumors than tissue from mice with disruptions to their pair bonds.

Can you control whether you fall in love?

You might feel like you have no control over the love you feel, but research says otherwise. Love is like an emotion that you can regulate by generating new feelings or changing the intensity of the feelings you have.

Emotional regulation strategies include:

Situation selection: avoiding or seeking situations based on how they make you feel.
Distraction: engaging in another activity to reduce the strength of your feelings.
Expression suppression: hiding how you feel.
Cognitive reappraisal: changing your thoughts so that your feelings can change.

So, if you’re disappointed because the love you feel isn’t reciprocated, you may be able to take your mind off it.

The triangular theory of love

American psychologist Dr. Robert Sternberg theorizes that love is based on three domains:

intimacy (emotional)
commitment (cognitive)
passion (physical)

Each domain represents a triangle corner in Sternberg’s triangular theory of love . The theory accounts for seven different kinds of love, based on which domains are involved. We look at these types of love below.

Types of love

The seven kinds of love in Sternberg’s triangular theory cover a range of relationship types:

Liking . You share emotional intimacy, but there’s no physical passion or commitment. Friendship falls under this category.
Infatuation . Passion is the key component of infatuation. If you’re physically attracted to another person but haven’t developed emotional intimacy or established a commitment, this is infatuation.
Empty . What Sternberg calls “empty love” is a committed relationship that lacks passion or intimacy. Examples include an arranged marriage or a previously emotional or physical relationship that’s lost its spark.
Romatic . When you’re romantically involved with another person, you share physical passion and emotional intimacy, but you haven’t made any long-term plans or commitments.
Companionate . You are committed and emotionally connected, such as best friends or family. Marriages can also be companionate if the passion is gone, but you still share the commitment and emotional bond.
Fatuous . If you’ve been swept up by passion into an engagement or marriage without emotional intimacy, this is fatuous love.
Consummate . Consummate love is the goal for many when they envision marriage or a spousal partnership. This kind of love includes commitment, passion, and emotional intimacy.

Let’s recap

Love comes in many forms. You can love more than one person simultaneously, in different ways.

Emotional intimacy is present in many relationships, but not all. The same is true for passion and commitment.

Attachment is another relationship element that may be present in love. Positive attachments are emotionally supportive and provide you with a feeling of security.

Last medically reviewed on September 20, 2022

8 sources collapsed

Anderson JW. (2016). Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781119085621.wbefs058
Feldman R. (2017). The neurobiology of human attachments. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1364661316301991
Karandashev V. (2015). A cultural perspective on romantic love. https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/orpc/vol5/iss4/2/
Langeslag SJE, et al. (2016). Regulation of romantic love feelings: Preconceptions, strategies, and feasibility. https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0161087
Murray DR, et al. (2019). Falling in love is associated with immune system gene regulation. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306453018306516
Naderi A, et al. (2021). Persistent effects of pair bonding in lung cancer cell growth in monogamous Peromyscus californicus . https://elifesciences.org/articles/64711
Schoeps K, et al. (2020). The impact of peer attachment on prosocial behavior, emotional difficulties and conduct problems in adolescence: The mediating role of empathy. https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0227627
Seshadri KG. (2016). The neuroendocrinology of love. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4911849/

5 Insights into Why (and How) Love is Unconditional

Key Takeaways:

Defining the essence of unconditional love
Communication's vital role in love
Unconditional vs. conditional love differences
Setting boundaries for healthy love
Unconditional love's impact on mental health

Understanding Unconditional Love: More Than Just a Feeling

Unconditional love is often viewed as a profound and unchanging affection, where one cares for another regardless of circumstances. This concept transcends mere emotional attachment, representing a stable and enduring form of love. It's an unwavering commitment, often seen as the purest form of love.

In relationships, unconditional love means accepting your partner's flaws and valuing them for who they are, not just for what they do for you. This doesn't mean ignoring negative behaviors or not having expectations, but rather understanding and embracing the full spectrum of their humanity.

Unconditional love also involves a degree of selflessness. It's about prioritizing the happiness and well-being of your partner without expecting anything in return. This selflessness, however, should not lead to self-neglect. Balancing self-love with the love for others is crucial.

The roots of this love type often trace back to the bond between a parent and child, where love is given freely and without conditions. This foundational relationship sets the stage for how we give and receive love in our future relationships.

Finally, it's essential to recognize that unconditional love is a choice and an ongoing effort, not just a spontaneous feeling. It requires active nurturing, understanding, and patience, making it a dynamic and evolving aspect of our lives.

1. The Roots of Unconditional Love: From Infancy to Adulthood

The journey of unconditional love often begins in infancy. The unconditional affection and care provided by parents or caregivers form the foundation of a child's understanding of love. These early experiences shape their future relationships and their ability to express and receive love unconditionally.

As children grow, they observe and internalize the dynamics of love in their family. This learning period is crucial, as it sets the tone for their emotional development and attachment styles . Positive experiences with unconditional love during childhood can lead to secure and healthy relationships in adulthood.

However, not all individuals experience unconditional love in their formative years. Lack of such experiences can result in challenges in forming deep and trusting relationships later in life. It's important to acknowledge these early influences and actively work towards understanding and fostering unconditional love as adults.

The transition to adulthood brings new dimensions to unconditional love. Romantic relationships , friendships, and even professional relationships can all be arenas for practicing and experiencing this profound love. The key is in recognizing the value of unconditional love and striving to cultivate it in all relationships.

Ultimately, the roots of unconditional love in infancy are just the beginning. It's a lifelong journey of learning, growing, and adapting our capacity to love without conditions. Embracing this journey is essential for personal growth and the development of fulfilling, meaningful relationships.

2. Unconditional Love vs. Conditional Love: Spotting the Difference

Understanding the distinction between unconditional and conditional love is crucial in navigating relationships. Unconditional love is rooted in accepting someone as they are, without expecting changes or setting prerequisites for your affection. It's a selfless form of love that doesn't waver with circumstances.

In contrast, conditional love is dependent on certain conditions or behaviors. It's a form of love that says, "I will love you if..." or "I will continue to love you as long as...". This kind of love can create a sense of insecurity and instability in relationships, as the love is contingent on meeting specific standards.

A key sign of unconditional love is consistency. It remains steady through life's ups and downs, offering a stable source of support and acceptance. This doesn't mean accepting abusive or harmful behavior, but rather loving the person while not necessarily condoning all their actions.

Conditional love, meanwhile, often leads to a transactional relationship, where love is given in exchange for something else, whether it's good behavior, success, or adherence to certain standards. This can lead to a power imbalance and a lack of genuine emotional connection .

It's also important to recognize that unconditional love is not devoid of expectations or standards. It simply means that your love does not hinge on those expectations being met. You can have a healthy relationship with boundaries and standards while still loving someone unconditionally.

Ultimately, the difference lies in the depth and stability of the love. Unconditional love offers a deep, unwavering connection that survives challenges and changes, while conditional love is more superficial and changeable, often leading to a fragile and uncertain relationship dynamic.

3. The Role of Communication in Fostering Unconditional Love

Communication is the cornerstone of building and maintaining unconditional love in any relationship. It involves more than just talking; it's about sharing your thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities in a way that fosters understanding and connection.

Effective communication in a relationship fosters trust and understanding, two essential components of unconditional love. It allows partners to understand each other's needs, fears, and desires, creating a deeper emotional connection.

Listening is just as important as speaking in communication. It involves actively listening to your partner, showing empathy, and understanding their perspective. This level of attentiveness strengthens the bond and shows a commitment to the relationship.

Communication also plays a crucial role in resolving conflicts in a healthy way. Instead of resorting to blame or criticism, effective communication focuses on understanding each other's viewpoints and working together to find a solution.

It's also important to communicate love and appreciation regularly. Small gestures, words of affirmation , and showing gratitude are all ways of reinforcing your unconditional love. They help in making your partner feel valued and loved for who they are.

Ultimately, the role of communication in fostering unconditional love cannot be overstated. It's the tool that helps build the foundation of trust, understanding, and deep emotional connection necessary for unconditional love to thrive.

4. Challenges and Misconceptions About Unconditional Love

While the idea of unconditional love is appealing, it's fraught with challenges and misconceptions. One common misconception is the belief that unconditional love requires complete self-sacrifice. However, true unconditional love does not mean neglecting your own needs or tolerating mistreatment.

Another challenge is the confusion between unconditional love and enabling harmful behavior. Unconditional love involves caring for someone without conditions, but it doesn't mean accepting harmful or abusive behavior. Setting boundaries is vital to maintaining a healthy, unconditional love.

Many people also mistakenly equate unconditional love with constant happiness and agreement. In reality, unconditional love involves working through disagreements and challenges together, while still maintaining love and respect for each other.

The challenge of maintaining individuality in the face of unconditional love is significant. It's important to keep a sense of self, pursuing personal goals and interests, even in a relationship built on unconditional love.

There's also the misconception that unconditional love is only possible in certain types of relationships, like parent-child or romantic partnerships. In truth, this form of love can be present in any relationship, including friendships and even professional connections.

Addressing these challenges and misconceptions is crucial for cultivating a healthy understanding of unconditional love. It's about finding the balance between self-love and love for others, and recognizing the role of respect, boundaries, and personal growth in loving unconditionally.

5. Nurturing Unconditional Love in Romantic Relationships

Fostering unconditional love in romantic relationships requires effort and understanding from both partners. It starts with the recognition and acceptance of each other's flaws and strengths. This acceptance lays the groundwork for a deep and genuine connection.

Open and honest communication is crucial in nurturing this form of love. Regularly expressing feelings, desires, and concerns helps build trust and understanding, key components of unconditional love.

It's also important to maintain individuality within the relationship. Encouraging each other to pursue personal interests and goals can strengthen the relationship by fostering mutual respect and admiration.

Lastly, showing appreciation and gratitude plays a significant role in sustaining unconditional love. Small acts of kindness, expressions of thanks, and acknowledging your partner's efforts reinforce the strength and depth of your unconditional love.

The Psychological Benefits of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love offers significant psychological benefits, contributing to overall mental and emotional well-being. One of the primary benefits is the enhancement of self-esteem. When one receives unconditional love, it fosters a sense of worth and value, boosting confidence and self-respect.

This form of love also plays a crucial role in reducing anxiety and stress. Knowing that you are loved unconditionally provides a sense of security and stability, which can significantly alleviate feelings of anxiety and uncertainty in life.

Unconditional love can also promote emotional resilience. The support and acceptance that come with it help individuals better cope with life's challenges, making them more adaptable and emotionally strong.

Additionally, experiencing unconditional love enhances one's capacity for empathy and understanding. It encourages a compassionate outlook towards others, leading to more fulfilling and meaningful interpersonal relationships.

Setting Boundaries: Essential for Healthy Unconditional Love

Establishing boundaries is a key aspect of fostering healthy unconditional love. Boundaries help define what is acceptable and what is not in a relationship, ensuring mutual respect and understanding.

Contrary to popular belief, setting boundaries does not negate the concept of unconditional love. Instead, it protects the individuals involved, preventing the relationship from becoming one-sided or abusive.

Boundaries also help maintain individuality within the relationship. They allow each person to have their own space and identity, which is crucial for personal growth and a healthy relationship dynamic.

Communication is vital in establishing and respecting boundaries. It's important for partners to openly discuss their needs and limits, ensuring that both parties are on the same page.

Respect for each other's boundaries is a true testament to unconditional love. It shows a deep understanding and acceptance of each other's needs and limitations.

Boundaries are not only compatible with unconditional love, but they are essential for its health and sustainability. They provide a framework within which unconditional love can thrive, ensuring that the relationship is balanced, respectful, and nurturing for both parties.

Real-Life Examples of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love manifests in various forms in real life, offering insights into its profound impact. For instance, consider the story of a parent who supports their child's dreams despite the challenges, showcasing unwavering belief and love irrespective of the outcome.

Another example is found in the enduring friendships that stand the test of time. These relationships often thrive on unconditional love, where friends support each other through life's highs and lows, without judgment or conditions.

In romantic relationships, couples who navigate difficult periods together, such as illness or financial hardship, often do so on the foundation of unconditional love. Their commitment remains strong, even when faced with life's unpredictable challenges.

The selfless acts of volunteers and caregivers also exemplify unconditional love. Their dedication to helping others, often without any expectation of reward, reflects a deep sense of empathy and compassion.

Public figures and leaders who dedicate their lives to serving humanity often do so out of unconditional love for the greater good. Their sacrifices and efforts to make the world a better place are driven by a deep-rooted love and concern for others.

These real-life examples illuminate the various facets of unconditional love, demonstrating its powerful role in shaping lives and relationships across different contexts.

Unconditional Love in Non-Romantic Relationships: Family and Friends

Unconditional love is not limited to romantic relationships; it plays a significant role in family dynamics and friendships. In families, this love is often most evident in the bond between parents and children, where love is given freely, regardless of circumstances.

Sibling relationships are another example where unconditional love can be found. Despite the occasional rivalry or disagreements, the bond shared often remains strong, underpinned by a deep-rooted sense of love and belonging.

In friendships, unconditional love manifests as a constant support system. True friends offer non-judgmental understanding and acceptance, standing by each other through various life stages and changes.

Ultimately, these non-romantic relationships enrich our lives, providing a sense of security and belonging. The unconditional love found in these bonds forms the backbone of our social support system, playing a crucial role in our overall well-being and happiness.

The Impact of Unconditional Love on Mental Health

The influence of unconditional love on mental health is profound and multifaceted. It begins with the sense of security and belonging it fosters, which are foundational for psychological well-being.

Experiencing unconditional love can significantly reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. This type of love provides a safe space where one feels understood and accepted, alleviating feelings of loneliness and isolation.

For individuals with a history of trauma or emotional distress, unconditional love can be particularly healing. It offers a supportive environment for recovery and personal growth, helping to mitigate the long-term psychological effects of past experiences.

Unconditional love also enhances self-esteem and self-worth. When individuals know they are loved unconditionally, they are more likely to develop a positive self-image and a strong sense of self-confidence.

This form of love encourages healthy coping mechanisms in times of stress or adversity. Knowing that one has a stable support system enables better emotional regulation and resilience in the face of challenges.

In children, unconditional love from caregivers is critical for healthy emotional and cognitive development. It sets the foundation for how they view themselves and their relationships throughout their lives.

The impact of unconditional love on mental health is undeniable. It nurtures emotional stability, resilience, and a positive outlook on life, making it a vital element for mental and emotional health.

Overcoming Obstacles to Unconditional Love

Achieving unconditional love can be challenging, but it's not impossible. One of the first steps is acknowledging and working through personal biases and preconceived notions about what love should look like.

Communication plays a crucial role in overcoming these obstacles. Open, honest dialogue helps to break down barriers and fosters a deeper understanding between individuals.

It's also important to practice empathy and patience. Understanding that everyone has their own unique experiences and emotional landscapes can help in cultivating a more unconditional approach to love.

Lastly, self-reflection and personal growth are key. Acknowledging one's own limitations and working on them can pave the way for a more open-hearted and unconditional approach to loving others.

FAQ: Common Questions About Unconditional Love

Q: Is unconditional love realistic in romantic relationships? A: Yes, it is realistic. While challenging, it involves accepting and loving your partner for who they are, flaws and all, while still maintaining healthy boundaries.

Q: Can unconditional love exist in friendships? A: Absolutely. Unconditional love in friendships means offering support and understanding without judgment, and valuing the friend for who they are, not just for what they provide.

Q: How do I know if I'm in a relationship with unconditional love? A: Signs include feeling accepted and loved for your true self, experiencing a stable and supportive connection, and having mutual respect and understanding, even during conflicts.

Q: Does unconditional love mean accepting bad behavior? A: No, unconditional love does not mean tolerating harmful or disrespectful behavior. It's important to have boundaries and respect for oneself in any loving relationship.

Q: Can unconditional love be developed over time? A: Yes, it can develop and grow stronger over time with effort, understanding, and commitment from all parties involved in the relationship.

Q: How can I practice unconditional love? A: Practicing unconditional love involves empathy, open communication, accepting others as they are, and working on personal growth to overcome any barriers to loving unconditionally.

Conclusion: Embracing Unconditional Love in Everyday Life

Embracing unconditional love in everyday life is a journey of personal growth and understanding. It starts with self-love and extends to others, creating a cycle of positive, loving energy.

This type of love enhances our relationships and overall well-being. It teaches us patience, empathy, and the true meaning of acceptance, enriching both our own lives and those of the people around us.

Integrating unconditional love into daily life may require a shift in perspective and a commitment to personal development. It's about learning to love without limits and embracing the beauty of our shared humanity.

Unconditional love is more than just a concept; it's a transformative force that has the power to deepen our connections, enrich our lives, and bring out the best in us and those we care about.

Recommended Resources

Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want by Alexandra H. Solomon, New Harbinger Publications, 2017
The Love You Deserve: A Spiritual Guide to Genuine Love by Scott Peck, Park Street Press, 1997
Daring to Love: Move Beyond Fear of Intimacy, Embrace Vulnerability, and Create Lasting Connection by Tamsen Firestone, New Harbinger Publications, 2018
unconditional love
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Notice: Some articles on enotalone.com are a collaboration between our human editors and generative AI. We prioritize accuracy and authenticity in our content.

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Unconditional Love - An Unlimited Way of Being by Harold W. Becker

"Simply stated, unconditional love is an unlimited way of being . We are without any limit to our thoughts and feelings in life and can create any reality we choose to focus our attention upon. There are infinite imaginative possibilities when we allow the freedom to go beyond our perceived limits. If we can dream it, we can build it. Life, through unconditional love, is a wondrous adventure that excites the very core of our being and lights our path with delight." - from Harold W. Becker in Unconditional Love - An Unlimited Way of Being .

Defining Unconditional Love

Back in the early 1990's, TLF Founder, Harold W. Becker, developed a rather unique, and perhaps unconventional, contemporary definition for unconditional love and shared it in his first book, Internal Power - Seven Doorways to Self Discovery . Ever seeking a practical and universal definition, he chose to understand and evolve each of the two words "unconditional" and "love" to their core essence of meaning. Then combining them into one idea he realized a useful insight for applying this profound perspective found in this unique combination of two words. Harold's definition simply stated - "unconditional love is an unlimited way of being".

This definition doesn't necessarily speak to the typical expected response or popular collective understanding of most cultures. Instead it reveals something more important - the individual potential that resides within each of us every moment. It merely asks that we approach each moment with clarity and right perspective and recognize the vast unlimited possibilities to choose a new way of thinking and feeling.

Such a sense of profound love comes when we first forgive and accept ourselves for all our limiting beliefs, mistakes, judgments and misunderstandings and apply the "unconditional" to us personally. We recognize our self worth, value our talents, and allow ourselves to be who we are rather than what we think others wish us to be. In turn, we naturally understand those around us and extend our helping hand without condition, judgment or expectation. We see ourselves in the reflection of another and know that everyone deserves to love and be loved without condition.

By embracing the present moment with openness we realize and know we have the solutions and answers already within us. We begin building a reality that is based on love, wisdom and power in perfect balance. For each step we take personally, we impact the world with this amazing energy of love.

Unconditional love turns hope into knowing in a collective reality that is often seen as hopeless or seemingly impossible to overcome. When you know something is possible you empower this to manifest with your very being. So know from now on that you are loved and loving and see how the world responds to your light and knowing. Watch how your peace and strength is sought out by others and how the limitless love you have to share is the love you receive in return.

Why Unconditional Love?

When we allow ourselves to understand the impact our actions have not only on ourselves but the planet we live on, we realize the necessity to take loving action. We each have the power to correct conditions within as well as to affect the world we live in.

There are so many ways to apply love in our everyday lives. Yet, if we do not take care of ourselves, it is virtually impossible to feel and share love with the world around us. As an act of self-love, we can begin to educate ourselves and learn to take care of our physical bodies as well as keep our thoughts and feelings positive and loving. Nurturing ourselves also teaches us how to nurture life around us.

Practice constant acts of kindness and you bring kindness upon this planet. Forgiveness is the easiest and most powerful act of kindness you can make. Both for yourself and for others, this activity promotes unity, harmony and oneness that transmutes the old into the new.

This magnificent planet is filled with opportunities to experience love, respect, peace and joy. When we, as individuals, realize our potential to love unconditionally, we transform ourselves and the planet at the same time. Such is the power we wield every moment of every day. The choice is ours to create a world of joy and happiness, love and goodwill.

Living With Love

The power of love is held within each of us every moment. This wondrous energy is available merely by our use and conscious recognition. When we choose to love one another we transcend the lower personality perceptions and rise to a higher truth. We recognize our oneness, wholeness and interconnectedness.

This is not a conditional love or the type of love one may try to use to earn favors or expect validation, rather this is a universal and unconditional love that recognizes the beauty in life every moment. It is of a higher nature. It is a natural expression that does not expect an outcome. It is giving just for the sake of giving.

It is in the sharing and giving of love to others that we receive the same that we give. Give love and surely you will experience love itself. Express love to the world around you and the world will reflect back to you the power of love.

Each of us desires to understand and realize this experience of love. Just listen to the lyrics of most music, for example, and you will quickly see how much the notion of love plays a part in our personal journey of life. We seek it in our families, relationships, careers, religions, hobbies, and even at times we look to nature itself. All the while, it is right within us ready to be given out and experienced.

Love is such a powerful force especially when shared.

Choose Love

Who do you perceive/believe yourself to be right now? How do you want to experience life? Will you be more kind, gentle, forgiving, tolerant and loving? Or will you continue to give your power away to the fear and doubt that is so prevalent right now in our society? The choice is ultimately yours.

Might we suggest a resolution to love unconditionally? Within you is an unlimited supply of love and you hold the key to its release. Fear and doubt, anger and hate, have no more control over our lives than we allow. Can it be that simple? It really is. Loving is a choice we can make every moment.

Begin with yourself. Realize that you are a powerful, spiritual and angelic being and can create with love. Take care of your thoughts and feelings and make sure they reflect the positive you. Also observe your actions and insure that they have a loving intent too.

Even when our emotions get the best of us and the stress and concerns of life become a bit overwhelming, just remember we have tools of forgiveness, gratitude, meditation, visualization, and letting go, to assist us in overcoming the negative experiences we encounter each day. Most things we concern ourselves over are not worth worrying about or holding on to.

When you are clear and receptive to your own higher, loving nature, you can then direct this love to people and places around you. Your peace becomes the peace for others. Your love becomes the love other people feel.

Be the angel you are and choose to live freely and joyfully. In doing so, you make this a better world to live and love in.

"If we make our goal to live a life of compassion and unconditional love, then the world will indeed become a garden where all kinds of flowers can bloom and grow." -Dr. Elisabeth K?bler-Ross, Late Author of On Death and Dying

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Before You Write a Love Essay, Read This to Get Examples

The day will come when you can’t escape the fate of all students: You will have to write a what is love essay.

No worries:

Here you’ll find tons of love essay topics and examples. No time to read everything? Scroll down to get a free PDF with original samples.

Definition: Essay on Love

First, let’s define what is love essay?

The most common topics are:

Definition of love
What is love?
Meaning of love

Why limit yourself to these hackneyed, general themes? Below, I’ll show how to make your paper on love original yet relevant to the prompt you get from teachers.

Love Essay Topics: 20 Ideas to Choose for Your Paper

Your essay on love and relationship doesn’t have to be super official and unemotional. It’s ok to share reflections and personal opinions when writing about romance.

Often, students get a general task to write an essay on love. It means they can choose a theme and a title for their paper. If that’s your case, feel free to try any of these love essay topics:

Exploring the impact of love on individuals and relationships.
Love in the digital age: Navigating romance in a tech world.
Is there any essence and significance in unconditional love?
Love as a universal language: Connecting hearts across cultures.
Biochemistry of love: Exploring the process.
Love vs. passion vs. obsession.
How love helps cope with heartbreak and grief.
The art of loving. How we breed intimacy and trust.
The science behind attraction and attachment.
How love and relationships shape our identity and help with self-discovery.
Love and vulnerability: How to embrace emotional openness.
Romance is more complex than most think: Passion, intimacy, and commitment explained.
Love as empathy: Building sympathetic connections in a cruel world.
Evolution of love. How people described it throughout history.
The role of love in mental and emotional well-being.
Love as a tool to look and find purpose in life.
Welcoming diversity in relations through love and acceptance.
Love vs. friendship: The intersection of platonic and romantic bonds.
The choices we make and challenges we overcome for those we love.
Love and forgiveness: How its power heals wounds and strengthens bonds.

Love Essay Examples: Choose Your Sample for Inspiration

Essays about love are usually standard, 5-paragraph papers students write in college:

One paragraph is for an introduction, with a hook and a thesis statement
Three are for a body, with arguments or descriptions
One last passage is for a conclusion, with a thesis restatement and final thoughts

Below are the ready-made samples to consider. They’ll help you see what an essay about love with an introduction, body, and conclusion looks like.

What is love essay: 250 words

Lao Tzu once said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Indeed, love can transform individuals, relationships, and our world.

A word of immense depth and countless interpretations, love has always fascinated philosophers, poets, and ordinary individuals. This emotion breaks boundaries and has a super power to change lives. But what is love, actually?

It’s a force we feel in countless ways. It is the warm embrace of a parent, filled with care and unwavering support. It is the gentle touch of a lover, sparking a flame that ignites passion and desire. Love is the kind words of a friend, offering solace and understanding in times of need. It is the selfless acts of compassion and empathy that bind humanity together.

Love is not confined to romantic relationships alone. It is found in the family bonds, the connections we forge with friends, and even the compassion we extend to strangers. Love is a thread that weaves through the fabric of our lives, enriching and nourishing our souls.

However, love is not without its complexities. It can be both euphoric and agonizing, uplifting and devastating. Love requires vulnerability, trust, and the willingness to embrace joy and pain. It is a delicate balance between passion and compassion, independence and interdependence.

Finally, the essence of love may be elusive to define with mere words. It is an experience that surpasses language and logic, encompassing a spectrum of emotions and actions. Love is a profound connection that unites us all, reminding us of our shared humanity and the capacity for boundless compassion.

What is love essay: 500 words

A 500-word essay on why I love you

Trying to encapsulate why I love you in a mere 500 words is impossible. My love for you goes beyond the confines of language, transcending words and dwelling in the realm of emotions, connections, and shared experiences. Nevertheless, I shall endeavor to express the depth and breadth of my affection for you.

First and foremost, I love you for who you are. You possess a unique blend of qualities and characteristics that captivate my heart and mind. Your kindness and compassion touch the lives of those around you, and I am grateful to be the recipient of your unwavering care and understanding. Your intelligence and wit constantly challenge me to grow and learn, stimulating my mind and enriching our conversations. You have a beautiful spirit that radiates warmth and joy, and I am drawn to your vibrant energy.

I love the way you make me feel. When I am with you, I feel a sense of comfort and security that allows me to be my true self. Your presence envelops me in a cocoon of love and acceptance, where I can express my thoughts, fears, and dreams without fear of judgment. Your support and encouragement inspire me to pursue my passions and overcome obstacles. With you by my side, I feel empowered to face the world, knowing I have a partner who believes in me.

I love the memories we have created together. From the laughter-filled moments of shared adventures to the quiet and intimate conversations, every memory is etched in my heart. Whether exploring new places, indulging in our favorite activities, or simply enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence, each experience reinforces our bond. Our shared memories serve as a foundation for our relationship, a testament to the depth of our connection and the love that binds us.

I love your quirks and imperfections. Your true essence shines through these unique aspects! Your little traits make me smile and remind me of the beautiful individual you are. I love how you wrinkle your nose when you laugh, become lost in thought when reading a book, and even sing off-key in the shower. These imperfections make you human, relatable, and utterly lovable.

I love the future we envision together. We support each other’s goals, cheering one another on as we navigate the path toward our dreams. The thought of building a life together, creating a home filled with love and shared experiences, fills my heart with anticipation and excitement. The future we imagine is one that I am eager to explore with you by my side.

In conclusion, the reasons why I love you are as vast and varied as the universe itself. It is a love that defies logic and surpasses the limitations of language. From the depths of my being, I love you for the person you are, the way you make me feel, the memories we cherish, your quirks and imperfections, and the future we envision together. My love for you is boundless, unconditional, and everlasting.

A 5-paragraph essay about love

I’ve gathered all the samples (and a few bonus ones) in one PDF. It’s free to download. So, you can keep it at hand when the time comes to write a love essay.

Ready to Write Your Essay About Love?

Now that you know the definition of a love essay and have many topic ideas, it’s time to write your A-worthy paper! Here go the steps:

Check all the examples of what is love essay from this post.
Choose the topic and angle that fits your prompt best.
Write your original and inspiring story.

Any questions left? Our writers are all ears. Please don’t hesitate to ask!

Essay samples
Essay writing
Writing tips

Unconditional Love Essay

Unconditional Love Love is extremely precious. With all the commitments and contracts and vows made, love continues to be precious. Asha Bandele, the author of and as The Prisoner's Wife: A Memoir, realizes that no matter if she is suspended from school or divorces her husband or disappoints her parents, love will conquer and triumph over hardships and mistakes. Asha was not a deprived child growing up in New York. She was able to attend respectable schools, live in a nuclear home, and have exposure to "the arts" (25). Her parents cared for her and gave her opportunities they did not have living in a world of anger and prejudice. Asha was exposed to love as a child and seems to believe as an adult that love does not have …show more content…

Asha's relationship with Rashid is two dimensional because of this addiction she seems to have. Previously to meeting Rashid, Asha abused drugs and alcohol as though the two were like eating candy and drinking water. This lifestyle is one dimension . Her second dimension is this new addiction that she feels towards Rashid. She needs to talk to him. She needs to see him. She needs to feel him. These needs are not illegal such as her drug abuse, something she could have been jailed for. This new addiction of love is the irony. Asha is guilty of love, yet there is no sentence in jail for this guilt. The most heartfelt pages that Asha writes are the ones that are descriptive of her emotions, thoughts and feelings. Her opening pages describing love and its different aspects are gripping as she puts her thoughts of love on paper (13-17). Then Asha writes a list of wandering thoughts and lurking questions for Rashid such as "what did you do on the day they came and got you, the day you were arrested? Was there some sort of foreboding? Did you feel that it was coming" (59)? Lastly, reading about the excruciating procedure Asha has to endure every time she enters the gloom of the prison walls to visit Rashid becomes not only a "desensitizing" process to Asha, but also to the reader. Asha finally crosses over from volunteer to an inmate's associate. This is a transition that changes her life. Asha and Rashid "begin to exist only in the

Arnold Friend 'Symbolism In The Yellow Wallpaper'

It showed the narrators attempt to have normalcy and sanity during the time of being locked away. Her husband banned her from spending anytime doing anything active, but to her it’s a way to release her mind. When the women is caught writing in her notebook she has it taken away, but soon finds a way to sneak behind her husband’s back and secretly write. Too many people, writing can be therapeutic in which it allows them to ease feelings of emotional pain. During the time in 1892, women kept their thoughts to themselves, afraid that if they allowed someone else to know, that they would face “social discrimination”. When the notebook was taken away from the women, this made her have to tuck away her thoughts and it eventually led to

Analysis on "Behind the Veil" by Dhu’l Nun Ayyoub Essay

In the short story “From Behind the Veil,” written by Dhu’l Nun Ayyoub, the author changes how we feel about the main character throughout the sequencing of the plot. We as the readers learn more about how the protagonist really thinks coupled with what her motives are. The author also presents language that clearly expresses how the protagonist feels and uses examples to show an overall theme in the story.

Nt1310 Unit Six Metaphors

Staring at the screen, the young author sighed in frustration, her fingers once again failing her as she was distracted by the din of the news on TV. Resigned, she shut it off and turned back to her blank document wishing for the ability to channel her emotions towards the high expectations placed before her, as well as the stigmas. She was growing tired of the starkness of the world around her.

Loving Story Essay

The journey that Richard and Mildred Loving took is important for history and for the future of civil rights in the United States. I recently watched the documentary The Loving Story and enjoyed the footage, pictures, and interviews of everyone involved in the Loving v. Virginia case. The documentary addressed the issue of interracial marriage in Virginia in 1967.

A Stolen Life by Jaycee Lee Dugard

1 Works Cited

Also included within the story itself are pictures of her life before and after, as well as, pictures of her children, the backyard prison, and journal entries she wrote herself while held captive. These add greatly to her ethos and credibility but also appeal largely to the reader’s emotions. They make the story that much more relatable. This is an absolutely gripping and emotionally heart wrenching story done in a perfect way.

Maria Key Quotes

Every page seems to, instead of wearing her out, motivate her to continue on to the next one. It is like she has rediscovered the kind of writing she had loved when she was younger, the kind she still often found with a short story or school assignment. Without straining herself, she finishes ten pages, fifteen, twenty, thirty.

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion Essay

The emotions I felt for this woman was overwhelming at some parts of the book. The hardest parts to read, were involving the author’s daughter. I started the book, when we watched the video about her book about her daughter’s death in class. I felt for that woman, to have loss a husband and a child within a very close time span is saddening. I was surprised she did not go crazy after her daughter died. When she writes about her memories of her husband and daughter, there is an obvious joy that exudes the pages. Knowing how much she loved and cared for her daughter was sad. She cared for her aligning daughter when she was at her sickest, her top priority was her health and wellbeing. She even postponed his funeral until she was strong enough to say goodbye. It was heartbreaking.

Piper Setting

This book is absolutely incredible. This book was definitely a page turner, and I wanted more after every page. It gave me insight on what some kids and teenagers go through. She described the fear that was so far into a person, after being locked up and abused for years. The author also did a wonderful job of portraying the story, and how difficult it is to live with the guilt from the past.

Essay Darkness Visible by William Styron

2 Works Cited

Although a light read, her experience is heart-breaking as she is abused at home, institutionalized, and instead of being treated for her depression, doctor’s attempt to “feminize” her with eye shadow and lipstick. She is the type of advocate that makes noise in a silence because she tells a tale that would otherwise be unknown.

Creative Writing: The Witch Trails

Chloe inched away from him until she was resting against the cold stone wall at the back of her cell. Flynn sighed and Chloe heard him move to the other cells and converse quietly with his parents for a few minutes before leaving. Chloe felt utterly betrayed and empty. First Kassandra had betrayed her, she had been thrown in prison, and then to top it all off Flynn had been lying to her this entire time. She needed to escape this madhouse as soon as possible, no matter the odds, no matter the consequences. This wasn’t her perfect world at all; this was her worst nightmare. Her tears were still tracing hot salty paths down her face as she raised her head slightly to glance at Sasha and August. They were sitting peacefully back to back, hands grasped together, the cold bars separating them miles away. August sat with his eyes closed and a contented smile playing on his lips as if there were no place he would rather be sitting in than this god-awful dungeon. His love for his wife was so evident that even Chloe could not ignore it. Chloe struggled with her repressed emotions as that small flame within her heart grew larger and larger until it exploded, turning her heart into a white-hot furnace. Gasping Chloe surged upwards and grasped

Essay on The Meaning of Love

Love has many different meanings to different people. For a child, love is what he or she feels for his mommy and daddy. To teenage boy, love is what he should feel for his girlfriend of the moment, only because she says she loves him. But as we get older and "wiser," love becomes more and more confusing. Along with poets and philosophers, people have been trying to answer that age-old question for centuries: What is love?

Essay about Love

Love is difficult to define, difficult to measure, and difficult to understand. Love is what great writers write about, great singers sing about, and great philosophers ponder. Love is a powerful emotion, for which there is no wrong definition, for it suits each and every person differently. Whether love is between family, friends, or lovers, it is an overwhelming emotion that can be experienced in many different ways.

A Love Story Essays

I met her two years ago and we did not have much to say at that time. Little did I know that she would later steal my heart and become an intimate part of my life. As the saying goes "there is someone for anyone at any time in this life" and I was about to find out that this saying was so true. I have had a wall built around me and my defense was as a stronghold to protect myself from all the relationships that have come and gone over the years. I thought that I was meant to be alone in this old life and happiness was forever gone from me. This wonderful woman I am speaking of is Mary Doe, and the joy she has given me has revived my hope and faith that I may have finally found love and peace within. She has made me feel like I am a child

Love Is A Powerful Feeling Essay

Love is a powerful feeling; it makes you do crazy thing. Many people spend years trying to find it, others give up thinking they’ll never find it. Love has been defined as an intensive feeling of a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. Of course, Love doesn 't have to romantic and/or sexual. People who are ace, as in asexual, aromantic and agender, can still be in relationships that are satisfying for them without the needs of a romantic relationship. Familial love is also non-romantic-sexual. However, in this paper, we will be talking about romantic-sexual love, what it is, and why I believe it’s so important to understand and experience.

Essay On Romantic Love

Love is an abundant emotion that has different degrees. There is familial love, friendly love, unconditional love, and of course romantic love. Romantic love will be the superstar of this article. Romantic love may be around every corner whether between an old couple or a young teenage romance. However, love is not the easiest thing to attain. It is such a simple concept, though a difficult thing to actually have a person’s hands on.

What Is Unconditional Love in a Relationship? 8 Great Examples

Published mar 5th, 2021 & updated on jan 25th, 2023.

For those who grew up listening to love songs, we bet you were pretty busy imagining what your future love life would look like and daydreaming about who you’ll be with forever and ever. Ahhhh romance. We remember it well! But if you haven’t been in a relationship where unconditional love is a major player, you might be wondering what does it mean to love someone unconditionally?? What is that even supposed to look like?? We’ve gotchu, boo.

Unconditional love has a lot of layers. Shrek would probably argue that it resembles an onion or an ogre. Relationships aren’t easy, no matter what the dynamic is, and there can be a lot to consider when difficult and strenuous situations pop up. And sometimes when this happens, the unconditional-ness can start to feel more like an obligation rather than a selfless act of kindness.

So, let’s break it allll down together! We’re getting into what unconditional love really is and what it REALLY isn’t.

What Is Unconditional Love?

WOW that’s a heavy term, isn’t it? No strings attached, no expectations, no fine print, just… unconditional.

The problem with the term “unconditional love” is that it has a different definition for everyone who uses it. And this can get a little tricky because it can lead to us putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves or our partners. For some people, it might mean defending a friend regardless of whether they are right or wrong. For others, it might mean being the ‘responsible one’ and calling out a friend when they’re making a questionable decision. Either way, it’s really about giving in to the vulnerability of loving someone wholeheartedly.

Unconditional love can be between just about anyone in any kind of relationship . Friendships, romantic relationships, the relationship between a parent and a child, you name it! We even see this type of love from our pets. But what does unconditional love really look like?

1. No Strings Are Attached

Loving someone unconditionally means that you don’t have an ulterior motive or unspoken expectation of obligation from the other person. No conditions. Just love. It’s a totally selfless act of caring for another person without thinking about how these actions could benefit you in the future.

You just genuinely want to love, help and care for someone! And that’s pretty fucking incredible. It’s one of the best gifts that you could give to another person. The best feeling is when this person is able to reciprocate your no-strings-attached love, because it means that you’re well on your way to fostering a healthy and happy relationship!

2. Partners Support Each Other

Supporting your partner — or anyone you love for that matter — can bring a lot of happiness and health to a relationship. Helping your partner through tough times, emotional struggles and life changes can help you accomplish more together than you ever likely could on your own. Likewise, you get to share the good times and celebrate your individual wins together! The keys to supporting your partner are open communication, honesty, kindness and equality.

3. Partners Honour Requests Without Compromising Themselves

This is a masssssiiiiveee point that we want to really emphasize. Loving someone unconditionally does not mean that you can’t have boundaries. We’ll get more into boundaries and love a little later, but for now, we have to talk about your needs.

The person, or people, you love can ask for your help. BUT, you’re not obligated to help or agree to their request if it goes against your own needs, boundaries and morals. And they shouldn’t expect you to compromise yourself to help them. Unconditional love can still be considered unconditional love when boundaries are included. In fact, we HIGHLY recommend it!

4. Tough Times Are Worked Through With Kindness

It’s only natural for relationships to hit rough patches. No one is perfect and no one has a perfect relationship. You might be close, but we’re allll bound to have a disagreement every once in a while. Forgiveness, kindness, listening skills and calm communication are major players when it comes to working through rough spots. The key is that everyone in the relationship has to enact these techniques because, otherwise, it’s unfair and unkind to the other(s).

5. Partners Provide Security for Each Other

With unconditional love, there is no fear or sense of uncertainty. It’s secure, kind and loving. You don’t feel like you have to walk around on eggshells to placate the other person. It’s safe and warm, and it’s an emotional space without judgement that you share with this person.

Unconditional Love Examples

Let’s take everrryyytthing we just learned and think about ways we can put it into practice. Here are a few examples that might help you express this feeling! They might also help you answer the big overwhelming question…what IS unconditional love in a relationship? Well, it looks like this.

“I love that about you.”

“No matter what, your Dad and I will always be proud of you.”

“It’s okay to feel sad.”

“I don’t feel the same way but I understand why _______ is important you.”

“Congratulations! I’m so excited for you! You’ve worked so hard for this.”

“I know you have a really busy day so I’ve made your lunch for you.”

“Have a great day at school honey! Enjoy your lunch. Love, Dad.”

“Hey! I got you something. I saw this in the store and it made me think of you.”

Unhealthy Forms of Love to Watch For

Many of us feel that when we offer unconditional love to someone we have to continue to love them regardless of any changes — like if they cross boundaries or disregard your needs. We’re here to tell you that’s not true and that it’s actually unhealthy af to do this. This is what conditional love looks like:

1. It Comes With Limits

Loving without boundaries can lead to serious issues, like being unhappy, abused and taken advantage of. You’re not meant to overlook the hurt and pain that another person causes you. It’s not healthy and TOTALLY unfair to you.

2. Strings ARE Attached

If there are strings attached to love…OOF! That’s not good. Love is not unconditional if you or your partner are expecting the other person to be emotionally obligated in one way or another. When there are strings attached there’s an expectation of something in return. Yes, you should totally expect that the respect and love you give is reciprocated. But, if your partner is expecting you to do something uncomfortable that goes against your own wellbeing, that’s unacceptable.

3. Boundaries Are Ignored

Boundaries are sooooooo important in relationships. It’s important to communicate your boundaries with your partner in a caring and kind way so that the two of you can work to respect the other’s needs. When one person is blatantly ignoring the other’s boundaries the relationship becomes unhealthy. This behaviour can lead to hurt, neglect, pain and even abuse. We DEFINITELY don’t want that to happen to you. Stay strong and don’t let anyone cross a line and disrespect your loving heart!

4. Inappropriate Behaviour and Disrespect Is Overlooked

If someone has crossed a line, hurt you, disrespected you, and still expects you to accept it all, that’s not love. The meaning of unconditional love isn’t that you overlook this shit and accept it. You are not meant to tolerate abuse and disrespect. That should never — everrrrr — be expected of you by your partner! Remember that your needs matter and you deserve kindness and respect from the other person.

5. Needs Are Neglected

It’s normal to care for someone else’s needs when you’re in a relationship, but it’s not ok to forget about your own. It’s also not ok for someone to expect you to neglect your needs for their own benefit. That’s some controlling behaviour and we are NOT here for it.

Remember how we said that you are not obligated to assist someone and respond to their request if it compromises you in any way? Apply that shit here! You can still give someone unconditional and selfless love while respecting yourself and your boundaries. You come first, baby!

Examples of Conditional Love

“I did everything for you and all you’ve done is disappoint me.”

“This is the thanks I get? After everything I’ve given you?”

“I would think you’d respect my opinion more than that after all that I’ve given you!”

“My parents would be upset with me if I wasn’t doing well in school.”

“My parents are upset with me because they don’t like the person I’m dating.”

“Our Dad yelled at us when we didn’t match his expectations.”

“Grandma only likes to talk to me when I’m doing well in life.”

“My partner is upset with me because I want to become an artist instead of staying at my office job.”

“My best friend ignores me when I need them most, but always expects me to drop everything and help them.”

“I get chastised if my opinions are even a little different from theirs.”

How to Love Unconditionally, With Boundaries

It is totally 100% possible to love unconditionally while having boundaries for yourself and your partner. It helps both of you know what you need and expect from each other, and serves as a blueprint for how to go about your relationship. And this isn’t just for romantic relationships. This is for allllll relationships. It might be hard to establish these boundaries with people, like your parents or friends, if there is already a lot of history between you. But boundaries are necessary in order to have a healthy and respectful relationship, no matter what the dynamic is.

1. Be Transparent About Your Expectations

Be honest! It can be hard to tell people what we really want and need, but it’s necessary in order to have the other person respect your boundaries and wishes. They can’t know what they are unless you telllll them.

Have a little sit down with them. Maybe pull out a glass of wine and say “Ok, I want us to have the healthiest relationship possible, so we need to know what the other person wants and needs,” then lay out your expectations for them. If at any point this other person doesn’t respect your boundaries and expectations, then tell them! Don’t hold that shit in! Be honest about how that makes you feel and work together to correct it. (But the key is making sure that they don’t take advantage of you. Remember what we said about that? Good!)

2. Learn to Listen

Listening has to be a two-way street in any relationship! You can actively work to become a better listener so that you hear and know what your partner needs. Listening helps the other person feel seen, heard, respected and cared for. What beautiful feelings to give to someone you love, right?! When we stop listening, communication breaks down and conflict starts to pop up. And conflict leads to negative emotions, so we want to avoid that as much as we can.

So, open up your ears and open up your heart because learning to love and listen is hella important!

3. Communicate in a Non-Defensive Way

If you’ve been hurt by your partner, try to approach them in a calm and open manner. Learning to communicate in a healthy and effective way can be difficult when you feel so strongly about things. But conflict can’t be resolved when you both come in hot with emotions running high. That will only help create a defence spiral where the two of you start blaming the other for any issues.

That’s uhh… that’s not going to get you anywhere. So, approach every tough conversation with patience and understanding. But also take no shit! It’s a fine line to walk, but we know you can do it!

4. Notice Control Tactics

If the other person in the relationship is trying to control, gaslight , or manipulate you, shut that shit dowwwwn. We know that it’s not possible to do this in every situation, because safety can be a real concern. But don’t let anyone treat you unfairly. If this is happening, reach out to people around you, contact domestic violence organizations or safe houses in your area for advice or shelter, and reach out to friends and family for help. Keep your eyes peeled for any relationship red flags . YOU ARE DESERVING OF LOVE AND RESPECT, and anyone who makes you feel less than isn’t willing to love you unconditionally.

5. Share Power

No one person should have the upper-hand in a relationship. That’s an unhealthy and abusive dynamic that can get unsafe really quickly. A relationship isn’t a competition , it’s about sharing your life with another person. There should be respect on both sides and an understanding that you both have value, and you both have to be open to listening and changing.

Unconditional love, simply put, is the kindest version of ourselves — but we don’t have to offer up this love without bounds. Unconditional love is the choice to love and respect each other every single day. It doesn’t come without its difficulties, but when you get it right, it feels sooooo good. Love has the ability to improve our lives, benefit our mental health and help us become the best possible version of ourselves. Life becomes happier, brighter and more exciting when you have loving people to share it all with.

Read More: 8 Tips to Work Through Your First Date Nerves , Coping with Infidelity: How to Heal After Being Cheated On ,

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Do You Know What Love Really Is?

Is it just a second-hand emotion?

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Emily is a board-certified science editor who has worked with top digital publishing brands like Voices for Biodiversity, Study.com, GoodTherapy, Vox, and Verywell.

Verywell / Laura Porter

How Do You Know You're Feeling Love for Someone?

Is Love Influenced By Biology or Culture?

How to show love to another person.

Tips for Cultivating

Negative Emotions Associated With Love

Take the love quiz.

When it comes to love, some people would say it is one of the most important human emotions . Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust.

Many say it's not an emotion in the way we typically understand them, but an essential physiological drive.

Love is a physiological motivation such as hunger, thirst, sleep, and sex drive.

There are countless songs, books, poems, and other works of art about love (you probably have one in mind as we speak!). Yet despite being one of the most studied behaviors, it is still the least understood. For example, researchers debate whether love is a biological or cultural phenomenon.

How Do You Know You're Feeling Love for Someone?

What are some of the signs of love? Researchers have made distinctions between feelings of liking and loving another person.

Zick Rubin's Scales of Liking and Loving

According to psychologist Zick Rubin, romantic love is made up of three elements:

Attachment : Needing to be with another person and desiring physical contact and approval
Caring : Valuing the other person's happiness and needs as much as your own
Intimacy : Sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires with the other person

Based on this view of romantic love, Rubin developed two questionnaires to measure these variables, known as Rubin's Scales of Liking and Loving . While people tend to view people they like as pleasant, love is marked by being devoted, possessive, and confiding in one another.

Are There Different Types of Love?

Yup—not all forms of love are the same, and psychologists have identified a number of different types of love that people may experience.

These types of love include:

Friendship : This type of love involves liking someone and sharing a certain degree of intimacy.
Infatuation : This form of love often involves intense feelings of attraction without a sense of commitment; it often takes place early in a relationship and may deepen into a more lasting love.
Passionate love : This type of love is marked by intense feelings of longing and attraction; it often involves an idealization of the other person and a need to maintain constant physical closeness.
Compassionate/companionate love : This form of love is marked by trust, affection, intimacy, and commitment.
Unrequited love : This form of love happens when one person loves another who does not return those feelings.

Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love

Specifically, psychologist Robert Sternberg developed his well-regarded triangular theory of love in the early 1980s. Much research has built upon his work and demonstrated its universality across cultures.

Sternberg broke love into three components—intimacy, passion, and commitment—that interact to produce seven types of love .

Love is most likely influenced by both biology and culture. Although hormones and biology are important, the way we express and experience love is also influenced by our own conceptions of love.

Some researchers suggest that love is a basic human emotion just like happiness or anger, while others believe that it is a cultural phenomenon that arises partly due to social pressures and expectations.

Research has found that romantic love exists in all cultures, which suggests that love has a strong biological component. It is a part of human nature to seek out and find love. However, culture can significantly affect how individuals think about, experience, and display romantic love.

Is Love an Emotion?

Psychologists, sociologists, and researchers disagree somewhat on the characterization of love. Many say it's not an emotion in the way we typically understand them, but an essential physiological drive. On the other hand, the American Psychological Association defines it as "a complex emotion." Still, others draw a distinction between primary and secondary emotions and put love in the latter category, maintaining that it derives from a mix of primary emotions.

There is no single way to practice love. Every relationship is unique, and each person brings their own history and needs. Some things that you can do to show love to the people you care about include:

Be willing to be vulnerable.
Be willing to forgive.
Do your best, and be willing to apologize when you make mistakes.
Let them know that you care.
Listen to what they have to say.
Prioritize spending time with the other person.
Reciprocate loving gestures and acts of kindness.
Recognize and acknowledge their good qualities.
Share things about yourself.
Show affection.
Make it unconditional.

How Love Impacts Your Mental Health

Love, attachment, and affection have an important impact on well-being and quality of life. Loving relationships have been linked to:

Lower risk of heart disease
Decreased risk of dying after a heart attack
Better health habits
Increased longevity
Lower stress levels
Less depression
Lower risk of diabetes

Tips for Cultivating Love

Lasting relationships are marked by deep levels of trust, commitment, and intimacy. Some things that you can do to help cultivate loving relationships include:

Try loving-kindness meditation. Loving-kindness meditation (LKM) is a technique often used to promote self-acceptance and reduce stress, but it has also been shown to promote a variety of positive emotions and improve interpersonal relationships. LKM involves meditating while thinking about a person you love or care about, concentrating on warm feelings and your desire for their well-being and happiness.
Communicate. Everyone's needs are different. The best way to ensure that your needs and your loved one's needs are met is to talk about them. Helping another person feel loved involves communicating that love to them through words and deeds. Some ways to do this include showing that you care, making them feel special, telling them they are loved , and doing things for them.
Tackle conflict in a healthy way . Never arguing is not necessarily a sign of a healthy relationship—more often than not, it means that people are avoiding an issue rather than discussing it. Rather than avoid conflict, focus on hashing out issues in ways that are healthy in order to move a relationship forward in a positive way.

As Shakespeare said, the course of love never did run smooth. Love can vary in intensity and can change over time. It is associated with a range of positive emotions, including happiness, excitement, life satisfaction, and euphoria, but it can also result in negative emotions such as jealousy and stress.

No relationship is perfect, so there will always be problems, conflicts, misunderstandings, and disappointments that can lead to distress or heartbreak.

Some of the potential pitfalls of experiencing love include:

Increased stress
Obsessiveness
Possessiveness

While people are bound to experience some negative emotions associated with love, it can become problematic if those negative feelings outweigh the positive or if they start to interfere with either person's ability to function normally. Relationship counseling can be helpful in situations where couples need help coping with miscommunication, stress, or emotional issues.

History of Love

Only fairly recently has love become the subject of science. In the past, the study of love was left to "the creative writer to depict for us the necessary conditions for loving," according to Sigmund Freud . "In consequence, it becomes inevitable that science should concern herself with the same materials whose treatment by artists has given enjoyment to mankind for thousands of years," he added.

Research on love has grown tremendously since Freud's remarks. But early explorations into the nature and reasons for love drew considerable criticism. During the 1970s, U.S. Senator William Proxmire railed against researchers who were studying love and derided the work as a waste of taxpayer dollars.

Despite early resistance, research has revealed the importance of love in both child development and adult health.

Our fast and free love quiz can help you determine if what you've got is the real deal or simply a temporary fling or infatuation.

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By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

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Guest Essay

Can We Really Love Our Children Unconditionally?

By Ruth Whippman

Ms. Whippman, the author of “America the Anxious,” is at work on a book about raising boys in the age of #MeToo.

This year, my two oldest sons asked me to sign them up for piano lessons. For reasons that a therapist might be better placed to untangle, I decided it would also be a good time for me to take up the piano again, after 30 years.

“Man hands on misery to man,” Philip Larkin wrote in his chirpy-desolate poem “This Be the Verse.” In our house, this transfer now happens with predictable efficiency on Monday afternoons between after-school pickup and dinner.

Every week, our teacher, Jaren, comes to our home to give us each a lesson: first me, then 12-year-old Solly, then 9-year-old Zephy. And every week, those 90 minutes feel like a Russian novel unspooling in my mind, a sweeping multigenerational saga charting the handover of hope and pain and love and terror down from parent to child.

I had my last piano lesson as a child when I was around their age, sometime in the late ’80s. I can still conjure up the chemical overload of my teacher’s after-shave — synthetic floral with a base note of trickle-down economics. Overpowering, but not quite able to drown out the background scent of my mother’s expectations.

As a child, I learned not just the piano, but the cello. I played in two orchestras and sang in the school choir. No one forced me to do any of it, but it wasn’t quite a free choice either. When you are the approval-addicted daughter of an overinvested mother, no one needs to apply force. My mom and I were well matched partners in the dance of unspoken expectation and validation-seeking. I did her forcing for her.

For my mother, my musical industriousness wasn’t so much about achievement as identity. She was American by birth, and after marrying my university professor father and moving to London, she spent a decade working to be accepted into the snippy, fraught world of British intellectual society. This was a culture full of invisible class-markers, of snubs and tripwires and baited traps. Tiny blunders could mark you as “petit bourgeois” — saying, for example, “serviette” instead of “napkin” or “lounge” instead of “sitting room.” Or serving tea in a mug (except, of course, for the times when serving it in anything other than a mug would be a ludicrous pretension).

In this environment, a diligent daughter lugging a giant cello was a tiny smidge of cultural capital, a ticket to belonging. As much as anything could, music made me into the person my mother needed me to be, so that she could be the person she needed to be, in order to escape who she actually was.

And for my part, although I never truly believed that my mother’s love was conditional, I did have the nagging suspicion that there was a performance-related bonus in there.

It was foolish to think that taking up the piano at the same time as my own children would be emotionally uncomplicated. Or perhaps the complication was exactly why I sought it out. Freud called it “repetition compulsion.” While claiming we want a drama-free life, we instead end up hunting down our most torturous patterns over and over, like heat-seeking missiles. Somehow, the piano lessons turn me into both my childhood self, seeking my mother’s approval, and into my mother herself, putting the same heavily freighted expectations on my own children.

My mother was lucky, in that I was temperamentally suited to the role she assigned me. My sons are not so much so. They are rambunctious and fidgety, not wired for lengthy sessions of sitting still and reflecting well on me.

Or perhaps for them it’s not an inability but a choice. My eldest son, Solly, sniffs out my neediness and pushes back hard. Usually sweet-natured and polite, on Mondays he becomes surly and tight, pushing ancient buttons. He replies to Jaren’s perky questions in curt monosyllables. “The only music I like is meme music or video game music,” he announces, both sulky and gleeful at the mortification he has unleashed in my soul.

Jaren does his best. He is joyful and attentive, balancing out the French minuets and Swedish fugues with songs from Imagine Dragons and the theme tune from Super Mario Bros. But even joyfully taught piano is hard work. And even harder than mastering the piano is staying focused while your emotionally bristling mother high-beams her issues from the next room.

Practice is excruciating. Jaren has assigned Solly the task of singing and playing “Home on the Range” for three weeks in a row. Solly has a fair amount of musical talent, and he should be able to do this easily. But it has become a battle of wills.

Oh, give me a home, where the buffalo roam, he sings, resentfully. He hits a wrong note on home .

“Um, I think that might be an E?” I bleat, in my faux-casual voice, jaunty with an undertone of desperation. Solly senses the age-old demands embedded in the words.

He lets out an “URRGH” and turns back to the keys.

Where seldom is heard, a discouraging word

He looks pointedly in my direction.

People say that being a parent is like having your heart walking around outside your body. But it can also be like having your reputation, your basic self-image, running rampant out there, too. Our children are our tiny deranged ambassadors, without the prospect of diplomatic immunity.

Unconditional love may be at the defining heart of parenthood, but sometimes it can feel impossible to reconcile unconditional love with the tawdry machinations of day-to-day parenting. The whole job seems set up for conditionality: It would be disingenuous to pretend that we have no stake in wanting our children to reflect our own values and preferences. Sometimes the basic task can seem like an impossible contradiction: to both accept your children exactly as they are and also spend 18 years working to turn them into something fit for purpose in the wider world.

Given the familiar guilty exhaustion that the phrase “unconditional love” evokes in me, I should have sniffed out that there was some sexism buried in the idea. The nagging sense that this emotional requirement is both essential to everyone else’s well-being yet impossible to achieve in practice certainly seems to be drawn from the file labeled “Unachievable Expectations Placed Mainly on Women. ”

And so it was. The concept is believed to have originated with the German psychoanalyst Erich Fromm in 1934, as a way of distinguishing the unwavering, selfless love of a mother from the inherently more conditional love of a father, whose love needs to be “earned” with good behavior and success.

Although Fromm stressed that these were “ideals” and not necessarily how any individual mother or father feels, the gendering is hardly incidental. It’s no coincidence that Fromm didn’t refer to those types of love as, say, A and B.

American parenting philosophies tend to fall into two basic camps, a split that my friend Yael sums up as “Participation Trophies versus Tiger Mother.” Most of us lean a little in one direction or the other. But somehow, they both kind of miss the point. We contain both impulses within us, and many more. Parenthood isn’t a strategic direction or a position statement. It’s a complex, constantly evolving relationship between two unique humans. Ambivalence — the push-pull of love and hate, of self and other — is an inevitable part of all meaningful human relationships.

Rather than burying these contradictions in shame, we might do better to hold them up to the light, and examine them with honesty and self-reflection. It’s when we fail to look at things that we do the most harm.

Embracing complexity should benefit our children too. As the British psychoanalyst Roszika Parker argued, a mother’s ambivalence is not just inevitable but also desirable, helping her respond to her child as a separate person, not just as an extension of herself.

I still like to believe that there is an essential truth to unconditional love, a demented devotion that we have for our children that endures independent of anything they do, or anything we feel in any given moment. But conditionality is the grist.

The demands that we place on our children to meet our own needs are the very force that powers through the generations, urging us all to keep going, to put it right. We go from parent to child, responding and bristling, correcting and overcorrecting. Our own foibles are the engine propelling our descendants to push forward, to choose life.

I’m disappointed when my sons won’t play their role in the script I have written for them, but deep down, I’m also a little thrilled. They are maddeningly, gloriously resistant to the pressure. A secret part of me is delighted by their raging demands for full personhood — beyond my projections and hopes and fears. By the life they claim.

The next night, I sit beside Solly as he hammers through verse 3 of “Home on the Range.”

I stood there amazed, and I asked as I gazed,

Does their glory exceed that of ours?

He hits a wrong note on glory . It’s a work in progress, as we all are. I love him. I bite my tongue.

Ruth Whippman , the author of “America the Anxious,” is currently working on a book about raising boys in the age of #MeToo, misogyny and male rage.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

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What Does it Mean That God's Love Is Unconditional?

A pair of hands methodically began to scoop up the loose ground, moving it into a pile. When a sufficient amount of earth had been placed in the pile, the hands began to move the earth around swiftly. The earth began to take a shape unseen before. When the earth had been fashioned into the desired form, the Creator bent down, looked approvingly at the shape and placed His mouth over the earthen lips of the form.

He breathed, forcing air into the earthen vessel He had fashioned. Suddenly, miraculously, the form responded to the breath and sprang to life. Adam was aware that he was the culmination and climax of creation and that the Creator had just formed a special bond with him – a relationship of love (see Genesis 2:7 ).

The Very Nature of God is Love

Volumes have been written about the characteristics of God, but when it is distilled to the most basic categories, He is love ( 1 John 4:8 ), life ( Jeremiah 10:10 ; Revelation 22:1 ), and holiness ( Psalms 99:9 ). And in reality, His life and holiness are based upon and are an expression of His love: love gives, so He gives life; love desires the best, so holiness proceeds from Him.

Love is not something he chooses to do or give. It is the very essence of who He is. He doesn't just love – He is love ( 1 John 4:16 ). It motivates His every action, directs His activities, and reflects His desires ( 1 John 4:10 ). Love is the greatest and purest essence of who a person is and its proper expression brings fulfillment.

However, God's love is not like the love expressed by many in our culture today: a love of convenience and ego. That is, "I will love you as long as you add value to my life and please me. When that ceases, so does my love for you." For many, love is conditional. The conditions may be different depending upon the relationship, but there are still conditions to be met in order to "earn" our love.

William Bennett, former Secretary of Education and author of The Book of Virtues: A Treasury of Great Moral Stories (1993), once said that he attended a wedding where the vows had been changed to reflect this love of convenience. He decided to send a gift to the couple that reflected their commitment to the marriage – a package of paper plates! He said he figured the package would last as long as the marriage.

This attitude stands in stark contrast to God's unconditional love, which never fails ( Psalms 52:8 ), endures forever ( Psalms 106:1 ), is uncalculating ( Proverbs 30:5 ), and not motivated by personal gain ( 1 John 3:16 ). Unconditional love does not mean that God loves everything we do, but rather His love is so intense that He loves every sinner, no matter how vile and despicable he or she may be in the eyes of humanity, so much that He provides a way for them to find love, life, and holiness ( John 3:16 ). "Intense love does not measure, it just gives" (Mother Teresa).

The Focus of God's Love is Redemption

Daily, Adam and Eve walked with God, until the desire for pleasure overcame their love for God (see Genesis 3 ). This break in the relationship required redemption.

God's love (and our own!) is not an abstract ideal, but a concrete reality that finds expression. Love that is not expressed through the giving of self, practical action and sacrifice is not love. Love must meet the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of those loved. It is costly, brings vulnerability, and seeks the person's highest good ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ).

God's unconditional and intense love for fallen humanity motivated the plan of salvation ( Revelation 1:5 ). Simply, salvation is God making us whole or complete. It is a healing of the soul, bringing us back to the state of Adam when God breathed life into him and made him a living soul. Separation from God, caused by sin, is separation from life. A person might have biological life, but not the quality of life God envisions for us.

A few years ago I encountered Marc, a house painter. He promptly told me that he knew I was a preacher, but he didn't have much for Christians or preachers because of some bad experiences. I quickly prayed for wisdom and said, "Marc, Christians are a lot like painters. Not everyone who claims to be one is. Of those who are, some are better than others. And even the best make mistakes." He paused and replied, "I've never thought about it like that." Our friendship continued to develop. One day, he called to tell me that he and his wife had given their hearts to the Lord. He was amazed that he felt so alive and free. God's love brings cleansing, freedom, and wholeness. True love is liberating, not restrictive. This does not give us a license to sin, but the freedom to serve God completely, motivated by love, and empowered by the Spirit.

God's love motivates His compassion and mercy (love in action). His love brings transformation. Usually at baptism, the minister will quote from Matthew 28:19 and baptize the person "in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." We clap, raise our hands, and miss the truth of the event. It is more than a public expression of one's faith. At baptism, we are baptized (immersed) into the very character of the Father (love), the character of the Son (grace), and the character of the Holy Spirit (fellowship; see 2 Corinthians 13:13 ).

Salvation is based on God's fervent love and mercy, not our worthiness ( Titus 3:4-5 ). One response (in the image of Jesus Christ's offering on the Cross ) is that we offer ourselves as living sacrifices to God (Rom 12:1).

The Goal of God's Love is Relationship

Love requires relationship, as love is a dynamic force or presence that naturally seeks expression. Simply put, love loves! And in order to do that there must be an object of that love or it is incomplete.

God's love is revealed in that He created us in His own image (a position of responsibility before God) and likeness (moral freedom; Genesis 1:26-27 ; Job 33:4 ). Part of that image/likeness is freedom of choice. We can choose to accept and embrace God's love or we can choose to ignore or reject it. We were formed from dust, but because of God's great love for us, we received the breath of God, with its intrinsic and inherent life. This life gives us the capacity and desire to be in relationship (understanding; self-awareness; communicative; ability to have fellowship) and to love in return. To live in God is to live in love ( 1 John 4:16 ).

Our relationship with God is an intimate one. There is a sacred knowledge and expression that takes place. To know Him intimately is to open the door for revelation and fulfillment. It brings change or transformation-change of essence, expression, behavior, desires, identity, and security. The bond is so strong that God says a nursing mother may abandon her child, but He will never abandon us ( Isaiah 49:15-16 ). He becomes the ultimate Father!

When we reflect upon the intensity of our relationship with God, self-doubt often arises. Can we keep our end of the bargain? Of great comfort (and a pressing challenge) is the thought that our relationship with God is not the sum of our activity directed toward God, but the intensity of our relationship with God as expressed through our devotion to him, our obedience to his wishes, and our attitudes toward his will and best desires for us. He loved us first, enabling us to respond properly to His love ( 1 John 4:10-11 ). And His love (and ability) never fails.

A young student asked Karl Barth to share the most significant theological truth he had discovered in all of his years of study. Barth, one of the most prolific theologians of the 20th century, wrote approximately sixty volumes of commentaries and theological studies. This brilliant man that many call the most important theologian of modern times thought for a moment, smiled, and said, "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so."

Nothing-absolutely nothing-can separate us from God's love ( Romans 8:35-39 )!

Photo credit: Pixabay/jclk8888

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Definition Essay On Unconditional Love. Decent Essays. 709 Words. 3 Pages. Open Document. The definition of love is an intense feeling of deep affection. The love between two people should always be conditional. You can fall out of love because you are able to fall in love. Conditional love can be earned by gaining loyalty and trust in another ...
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Opinion
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