love is powerful than hate essay in english

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Speech Writing /

Speech on Love is More Powerful Than Hate

Updated on
Dec 28, 2023

ASL or Assessment of Speaking and Listening is an integral part of the CBSE Class IX and X curriculum. It is a part of the continuous and comprehensive evaluation system under CBSE . Students are usually asked to choose a topic they wish to speak on and then prepare a speech on it within a stipulated period. In this blog, we have curated samples of speech on Love is More Powerful than Hate, for ASL and public speaking competitions.

Speech on Love is More Powerful Than Hate for 2-3 minutes

During this task, students are allocated a topic on the spot and they must speak on it for 2-3 minutes.

Good morning esteemed authorities and the people present here. My name is Jake and today I am going to present before you a speech on Love is More Powerful than Hate. I hope it will convey my views on the same.

Love is a feeling of strong affection and bonding towards an individual while the exact opposite, hate is a feeling of deep and emotional extreme dislike. Have you ever been in love and experienced the light it is, or have you ever experienced hatred and the genuine darkness of it?

Love as mentioned in songs, etc countless times, is more powerful than hate because it can lead to hate but even metaphorically, hate can never produce love. Love gives birth to positive challenges, the ones that help us grow in life, change an individual for good, enrich their world, and deepen emotions. It is not difficult to identify a person in love as they have a specific positive aura around them which is like the lights of the myriad of stars which gives the feeling of celebrating everything. Love is passionate, it’s intimate, it’s commitment, including all the variations of the same. Love is powerful because it can transform.

On the other hand, who ever lived to hate? Hate ruins personality, it leads to violence, and war, whereas love is peace. Hate is revenge, love is construction. Hate is meaningless while love gives meaning to life. Hate destroys, love builds. In the end, I just want to say that “Love gives birth to love. Hence, love is more powerful than hate”.

Speech on Love is More Powerful than Hate for 5-8 minutes

If the speech is for 5 to 8 minutes, refer to the following sample speech on fear.

Good morning esteemed authorities and people present here. My name is Chandler and today I am going to present before you a speech on Love is more powerful than Hate. two emotions that can be described to some extent are love and hate. They have been that way since the very beginning of time. Love is what gives foundation to people to build on while hate destroys. Our very identity is derived from love. It’s like oatmeal, it sustains you. Love fights against hatred in three major ways:- forgiveness, compassion, and most important, staying in love.

To love or to hate is a personal choice. Yes, we can choose to love. You can love in a thousand ways. Love isn’t just something that is said, it is reflected in our actions, the ones where actions speak louder than words. There are certain times when we bury love within ourselves out of the fear of being laughed at or criticized by others. Or we have a fear of what the person to whom these feelings are addressed will think of us, reject us, or might find our feelings amusing. What’s true is that love and hatred coexist. It is almost impossible to know whether love or hate is hidden in the center of the eyes, much like the dark side of the moon.

Love and hate are some of the most powerful opposites in our dualistic thinking scenario.

Hatred is a potent destroyer, it feeds on violence and despair. Love, on the other hand, brings light into one’s life. It brings that warmth that is needed to nurture life and an individual too. Without love, the world would become a cold and bleak place for everyone. Love builds and heals. It is much more potent than hatred, as mentioned in the song, “Hatred would never, even metaphorically, develop love.”

Everyone wants to love. Who has ever lived to hate? Love’s power is fresh, it helps get through the most difficult times. It transforms a person to become the best version of themselves, broaden their horizons, and open up to new opportunities. It deepens emotions and gives new and fresh perspectives. The person in love has a specific light of positivity all around them that they reflect. It’s as if the world around them is euphoric. They have everything. The very fundamentals of love are closeness, ardor, and dedication in all of its variations. Love is extremely powerful because it navigates, it takes you to that one person who makes it feel like home. While hate encourages loneliness, love forbids it. It gives meaning to our lives. Hate determines individuality, love strengthens it. Love creates, and it ends conflicts.

In the end, it is love that remains, because the source of “love” is “love”. It has so much more force, so much power than hatred that it sustains you. You must be able to love much more passionately than to hate. As long as there’s love, everything will be alright.

Ans: Love brings light into one’s life. It brings that warmth that is needed to nurture life and an individual too. Without love, the world would become a cold and bleak place for everyone. Love builds and heals.

Ans: Love is extremely powerful because it navigates, it takes you to that one person who makes it feel like home. While hate encourages loneliness, love forbids it. It gives meaning to our lives. Hate determines individuality, love strengthens it. Love creates, and it ends conflicts.

Deepansh Gautam

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Love is more powerful than hate

Speech written on 07-04-2024.

The text was generated by artificial intelligence (OpenAI models), you can work on it freely. The website owner is not responsible for its content.

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Love is more Powerful than Hatred

This essay will discuss the concept that love is more powerful than hatred. It will explore various perspectives and examples from literature, history, and personal experiences that illustrate the transformative and enduring power of love over hatred. PapersOwl showcases more free essays that are examples of Behavior.

How it works

About a century ago, the Swiss psychiatrist Bleuler, who worked in Zurich and co-authored with Sigmund Freud, coined the term “ambivalence of feelings” – that is, duality in relation to a person or a phenomenon, its simultaneous acceptance and rejection. Bleuler believed that if conflicting feelings replace each other unmotivated quickly, we are dealing with a schizophrenic. But his colleague Freud believed that love and hate at the same time is an innate property of any human nature, and only when it is too pronounced does it indicate a neurotic mindset.

Love or hate is a rhetorical question. We can find a thousand ways to love a person and just as many ways to hate. It all depends on our internal decision. Why do people love, but do not admit it even to themselves and instead put on a mask of hatred for this person. Why the most beautiful feeling on earth is given to us so hard. Maybe because we are afraid that we will be laughed at when they learn about our feelings. So it turns out that we are afraid of condemnation from society and therefore we hide love in ourselves. Or we are afraid that the one to whom these feelings are addressed will misunderstand us or reject, or even ridicule our feelings. These two statements are correct. Love and hate walk side by side. They are like the dark side of the moon – it is never possible to predict what is hidden there in the depths of the eyes: love or hate. Hating is easier than forgiving and loving, and therefore the words “I hate you” are easier than “I love you”.

How did society get to this point?

Why did we avoid love so much? Some people love their whole life, but do not admit it even to themselves. Strange isn’t it? But this is a fact. Love or hate – you choose, but you need to remember that love makes our life more beautiful and better than hatred, even if it is in salvation. Don’t be shy or afraid to love.

Is it possible to LOVE AND HATE AT THE SAME TIME? For example, for some act in a situation in which an offense is inflicted, and sits in a person’s soul like a splinter. For some time, relationships may seem ideal to you, for example, when you are “in love”, but as the number of disputes and conflicts increases, as feelings of dissatisfaction increase and emotional and even physical violence appears, the destruction of this seeming perfection will be inevitable. It turns out that most of the “love relationship” rather quickly turns into a relationship of the “love-hate” type. Then love can change its guise and turn to you with a cruel attack, a feeling of hostility towards you, or a sudden and complete refusal to love you. Moreover, this is considered normal. You feel alive to the fullest. Your existence suddenly takes on meaning because someone needs you, wants you, and makes you feel special, and you, in turn, do the same for him or her. When you are together, you feel like one. This sensation can become so strong that in comparison the rest of the world simply pales in its insignificance. If the other person suddenly leaves you, it can awaken in you the strongest feelings of hostility, or grief and despair. Love tenderness in the blink of an eye can turn into the most severe attacks or unbridled grief. Where is the love here? Can love instantly become its opposite? Was love in the first place here, or was it just a bad habit to hook and hold?

Love is not eternal. It is being replaced by other strong earthly feelings: habit, fear of being alone, microeconomics, longing, friendship in the end. This is at its best. At worst, love is replaced by hate. I open the dictionary of psychology and read: “Love is a high degree of emotional positive attitude that distinguishes an object from others and places it at the center of my vital interests.”

But we must remember that everyone is capable of loving and being loved, everyone knows how to control their emotions and feelings. Present your love to others, and you will see how it will return to you in an enlarged size. You yourself will become happy and make those who will be with you happy. After all, only love can be stronger than hatred and can defeat it.

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The Weeders (1868) by Jules Breton. Courtesy the Met Museum, New York

The enchanted vision

Love is much more than a mere emotion or moral ideal. it imbues the world itself and we should learn to move with its power.

by Mark Vernon + BIO

Most ancient traditions, not only Christianity, picture the universe as an involution of divine love. It emanates from an origin that precedes frail beings. According to a hymn of creation in the Rig Veda, love is a fundamental presence: ‘In the beginning arose Love’ – or Kāma in Sanskrit: the love that sparks desire and vitalises consciousness through practices of yogic attention. In mystical Islamic traditions, love is similarly comprehended as an external power more than an emotion. For the Sufi, love forces believers, who are called lovers, out of themselves towards the Beloved, who is God. Even Stoicism was originally a discipline for discovering that the world is shaped by the Logos, or active word of creative love.

Today, this appreciation of reality, with its ‘built-in significance’ and ‘admirable design’, to quote C S Lewis, has become a ‘discarded image’. Any curious person enquiring of the universe now, and inspired by science, might feel themselves to be confronted by a reality of unknown or unknowable significance, or of no significance at all. Moreover, such doubt or confusion seems to be the price of rejecting a fanciful worldview for a scientific one. Apprehending the universe no longer consists of an awesome realisation that your mind fits the divine mind to some degree, but becomes one of uncertain, probing wonder: intellectual humility threatened by cognitive humiliation. Nor can anyone who is suffering turn to myths and rituals conveying the purposes of a love that exceeds and might contain their afflictions; they must bear their woe alone or, if they are lucky, in solidarity with similarly isolated others.

As a psychotherapist, I feel sure this feeling of existential seclusion exacerbates distress as well as other symptoms, like excessive consumption or spiritual discontent. Although the prevalence of suffering is given as a prime reason to reject the existence of divine love, paradoxically, I suspect its dismissal has made suffering worse. The healing power of having suffering recognised and understood, even when its causes remain, is a phenomenon that anyone engaged in caring will know. To be with suffering, which is more than just to witness it, is to be vulnerable, which can in turn bring an awareness that love and connection are basic and immovable. This is why people attest to finding God in suffering, regardless of rational objections. That mystery is central to any sure – as opposed to merely asserted – conviction that there is divine love.

Love is the formidable helpmate of our attention. This was something on which the philosopher Simone Weil , who famously took upon herself the sufferings of others , insisted – refusing, for example, to consume more that the miserable rations allowed her compatriots in France, when she was confined to a hospital bed in London in 1943. ‘By loving the order of the world we imitate the divine love which created this universe of which we are a part,’ she wrote.

Put another way, love was considered a universal force and a matter for knowledge, integral to the warp and weft of reality, not just a beneficent feeling or costly duty, practised at a personal level in acts of compassion or charity. When someone received love or gave it, they aligned themselves with the fundamental vitality pulsing through them and everything else. Sun and moon, mountains and seas, plants and birds, beasts of water and land. Everything participated in a common movement of love that would eventually return them to their source and sustainer.

Human beings could intentionally attend to this dynamic and collaborate with it. But, if not, if love is demoted from this role it becomes, at best, a moral ideal or emotion, exapted from evolution and sustained by the brain. Metaphysical agnosticism has replaced ‘ontological rootedness’, to borrow from the philosopher Simon May. Little wonder people feel disorientated or worse. To misquote R D Laing: someone who describes love as an epiphenomenon might be a great scientist, but someone who lives as if love is so will need a good psychiatrist.

But might the older notion of love be returning, as Weil and others have hoped? Might we be moving past the Romantics, who strove to comfort modern minds disturbed by what William Wordsworth called the ‘still, sad music of humanity’ because we are coming to know once more of that ‘holier love’? Might love be not just all you need, but something precisely required to account for who we are and all that is?

P rovocative hints that challenge a reflexive discounting of the enchanted vision, and which might spur a shift by reorientating attention and re-opening avenues of perception, can be drawn from moral philosophy, trends in contemporary biology and by considering the nature of intelligence. Consider first the moral issue. It begins with the observation that uncoupling love from its divine telos, and redescribing it solely in terms of evolved behaviours and all-too-human desires, has had unintended consequences. In particular, the secular turn has inverted the dictum that God is love, and made love a god, encouraging a sentimentalisation of love – a sappy deity for an otherwise godless age. Worse, the reversal excites a demand that is impossible to meet, by tasking humans with offering the unconditional love that, until a couple of centuries ago, would have been taken as coming only from God.

When unconditional love was known as a divine emanation, to claim that capacity for oneself, or to ask it of another, was a form of madness or idolatry. But now everyone is supposed to deliver and receive it, and overlook that we mortals are flawed and floundering. For such reasons, the psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan proposed that, in a world without God, love is more honestly defined as a pact. ‘To love is, essentially, to wish to be loved,’ he said: in other words, I’ll give you what we can call love, if you offer me the same. The trouble is, such deals undermine and destroy love, as the philosopher and novelist Iris Murdoch realised. Compromise and trade-offs are part of life, yes, but love’s whole point is to draw us beyond the transactional and mediocre. Consider the nature of creativity, Murdoch writes in The Sovereignty of Good (1970): ‘The true artist is obedient to a conception of perfection to which his work is constantly related and re-related in what seems an external manner.’ Love is likewise not fired by injunctions such as ‘Improve a little’ but rather by the call ‘Be perfect!’

The transcendent end to which love leads needn’t be called God, Murdoch felt, though it must be recognised as superhuman and excellent. Following Plato, she called it the Good, ‘the magnetic centre towards which love naturally moves,’ which also reveals the nature of love’s energy. ‘Love is the tension between the imperfect soul and the magnetic perfection which is conceived of as lying beyond it,’ she continued. That ‘beyond’ is the key thought here, with its intuition that what is most longed for is independent of us. Love is active in the psyche that hopes to know more than is currently even conceivable. To foreclose that transformation not only thwarts love, it is dehumanising; since to be human is to yearn for contact with more.

This ‘sovereignty of good’ is impressive, given the way it appears to call us, make demands upon us, and not let us go. But is that the same as affirming love’s transcendent actuality? Some biologists, it seems, are developing a worldview that invites the possibility.

Instead of phrases like ‘the mating season’, Darwin prefers ‘the season of love’

The move is happening in two steps: a first that can be characterised as bottom-up; a second, top-down. The bottom-up element stems from the revised picture of the living world that has been emerging in recent years. This new thinking has left behind the reductive view of life, characterised by Richard Dawkins as driven by selfish genes , to appreciate that cooperative, holistic and interdependent creaturely processes operate at and between all levels of life, from proteins and genes to the organism as a whole – and beyond, including ecological interactions with the so-called external environment.

It’s a fractal picture, driven by the explanatory power derived from considering how wholes matter quite as much as parts. Patterns of interaction that are present at the micro-level are amplified and transformed at the macro-level, with that in turn affecting the granular. Homologous parallels can be detected across species, too. What manifests as attraction and cooperation in simpler organisms becomes altruism and empathy among the more complex, with love capping the pyramid. Building on the foundations laid by biologists like Lynn Margulis, who championed symbiosis in evolution, and developed in books such as Interdependence (2015) by the biologist Kriti Sharma, the new picture changes the status of love from epiphenomenon to an emergent quality, springing from antecedent forms discernible within all sorts of interactions and behaviour; if love in all its fullness is present only in creatures like us, capable of forming intentions and consciously acting sacrificially, then love’s forerunners run all the way down the chain of living entities.

This, incidentally, is akin to the opinion of Charles Darwin. In The Descent of Man (1871), he discusses the ‘love-antics’ of birds, alongside using functional terms such as ‘display’, and instead of phrases like ‘the mating season’, he prefers ‘the season of love’. But he proposes something else, too. While nascent forms of love might evolve alongside the practicalities of survival – caring for offspring, for example – others, such as meeting aggression with kindness or loving enemies, would need ‘the aid of reason, instruction, and the love or fear of God.’ Which brings us to the top-down revision within biology. It shares the vision of an interplay of life processes across levels. But where the bottom-up biologists detect empathy and its precursors in the behaviour of a range of animals, the top-down revisionists are sceptical that complex psychological capacities like empathy exist in any creatures except humans.

In From Extraterrestrials to Animal Minds: Six Myths of Evolution (2022), the evolutionary biologist Simon Conway Morris examines the evidence for empathy in creatures from crows to chimps, and finds the data wanting. The matter is subtle and often raises hackles, but the crucial point is that context matters. The environment in which animals live shapes how they behave, as it does with humans, but for nonhuman animals context radically determines what behaviour is possible in the first place. Empathy is a case in point, because being moved by the suffering of a stranger, for instance, is morally significant when it can happen regardless of context, which no other animal appears capable of. ‘It is far from clear that our nearest cousins are anywhere near a moral dimension,’ Conway Morris concludes.

His alternative proposal, in line with Darwin’s conclusion about what it takes to love enemies, is that humans can access and align with moral verities, by virtue of being aware of a transcendent dimension that has not emerged, but been discovered. The human capacity for emotional self-regulation, say, and the ability to have sympathy with radically diverse perspectives, means that we can be open to the revelation of moral features of reality, top-down. The implication is that, while there are certainly analogues to love in other parts of the animal kingdom, these do not form complete pathways for evolutionary development. Rather, our ancestors have readied us for the perception of a love that pre-exists us.

Needless to say, the top-down conclusion is controversial, given the overtone of human exceptionalism, to say nothing of the implication that the creatures we love may not equally love us back. But the enquiry can be nudged along by extending the matter of what we know and turning to the question of how we know anything at all. In this, what we attend to is crucial.

C onsider a delightful anecdote told to me by the astronomer Bernard Carr. A former colleague of Stephen Hawking, Carr joined him at the premiere of the film about Hawking’s life, The Theory of Everything (2014). Carr was paying attention and, as they watched, an irony dawned in his mind. ‘The film was primarily about Stephen’s personal relationship with Jane, his first wife,’ he explained, ‘even though personal relationships and emotions, indeed mind itself, will probably never be covered by any Theory of Everything.’ In short, the film gave the lie to the aspiration to derive a complete account of existence from physics alone, and the reason is obvious: love is real and routinely experienced by human minds; but scientifically speaking, love can be evidenced only indirectly, by measuring the after-effects it leaves in its often-turbulent wake.

That first-hand quality is a feature of many types of knowledge. You can learn a lot about swimming by reading about swimming, but you can never learn how to swim from books. Even knowledge that can be captured in words or equations has a participatory dimension, of which the words and equations are tokens. Humans don’t only calculate but also comprehend, which the philosopher Mary Midgley in Wisdom, Information and Wonder (1989) described as arising from ‘a loving union’. Her point is that knowledge is never merely information amassed, like a digital dataset, but involves an intentional engagement with whatever the information might be about, that latter element being the revelatory issue. Intelligence rests on a dialogue with the world; flow is the feeling of immersion in the exchange. And it is love that invites us in.

Love is an active ingredient of our intelligence in another way. Consider the welter of sense-perceptions that bombard us all day, every day. The cognitive psychologist John Vervaeke argues that we can make sense of the avalanche of what we see, hear, smell, taste and touch through what he calls ‘relevance realisation’; we do not sort through the data, as an AI might, but care for some things above others, and thereby spontaneously spot what matters through the maelstrom. With the exception of the occasional sociopath, people are drawn by what is good, beautiful or true; these qualities organise things for us, even when we are not entirely clear what the good, beautiful or true might be. The ‘transcendentals’, as they were traditionally known, therefore have an objective character, even leading us over current horizons of perception to discover new insights. Weil put it like this: ‘The beauty of the world is the order of the world that is loved.’

When a river enters a larger body of water, the words of Indigenous languages allude to love

Suffering is integral to a searching intelligence, too. Breakthroughs often occur after breakdowns because wisdom tends to arise not with the accumulation of knowledge, but when an old mindset or worldview gives way – a process that is typically troubling and traumatic. But in that transition we are met, which is why a discovery may be greeted with a delighted exclamation: Eureka! Our minds can knowingly resonate with a wider intelligence, in a way that’s seemingly unavailable to other creatures. The pattern of seeds on a sunflower’s head may manifest a Fibonacci sequence, but humans can spot the mathematical and almost musical regularity – and, driven by love, delight in it.

My suspicion is that noticing the felt experience of our connection with the natural world, the associated moments of beauty and revelation, and concluding that the resulting joy is given as a gift, is part of the reason that Indigenous ways of knowing are reviving. ‘Indigenous peoples live in relational worldviews,’ explains Melissa Nelson, a professor at Arizona State University, whose heritage includes Anishinaabe, Cree, Métis and Norwegian. Nelson refers to the notion of ‘original instructions’, which is the array of rituals, myths and patterns around which Indigenous ways of life are organised, together aimed at deepening communion between humans and the more-than-human. She tells me: ‘There is a nurturing quality to the universe that is for us like a natural law, a universal principle that we can tap into: this field of love that is the matrix of the universe.’ The significance for environmental and ecological concerns is obvious.

What’s particularly striking is that analogues of love are perceived in the interactions of the so-called inanimate world, too. For example, when a river enters a larger body of water, the word used in several Indigenous languages alludes to love, Nelson says. Alternatively, viewing the planets or stars can be experienced as a relationship: receiving a quality of light that simultaneously lights up the soul – an insight remembered in words like ‘influence’, which originally meant stellar inflow.

To my mind, there are implications, here, for re-envisioning the place of humans in the world: part of the distinctiveness of our task is to bring this richness to mind. That can make a difference insofar as it increases the attention afforded to love. ‘We live in dire poverty in many places,’ Nelson continues, referring to spiritual as well as material need. ‘But we have this profound understanding of love being a cosmic universal force, that comes to us from the natural world and from the universe as a whole. That really strengthens us in terms of our embodiment and survival, and to thrive and regenerate.’

This kind of awareness might be called a participatory consciousness, and it’s been part and parcel of Western ways of knowing, too. The reciprocity has tended to be discounted since the birth of modern science because of the way dispassionate objectivity is valued, a stance that has brought gains. But perhaps for not much longer. ‘We do not obtain the most precious gifts by going in search of them but by waiting for them,’ Weil observed, because gifts are given in love and spotted by the right quality of attention.

The ramifications of reincorporating something of the premodern view are far reaching. Existential loneliness can be tried, found wanting, and reframed: it’s not all in your head. Or there is the feeling of wonder and connectedness that comes with awareness of the extraordinary nature of reality. The experience is offered a rationale: our minds fit the intelligence that shapes the world. Maybe, too, a love recognised as drawing us can invite us to stop trying to turn our corner of the universe into a tortured, technological paradise, and instead consider how we might design ways of life that deepen our attention, better harmonise with the planet and our nonhuman fellows, and even raise awareness of its divine wellspring. We might want to attend to the best once more, and bear what it takes to commune with this abundance, because there is a cosmic love and we can move with its power, along with everything else that is.

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cut and arranged paper to resemble an enamel pin that reads 'Choose Love' with a pink heart

The strength to choose love over hate

Dr. King’s notion of love wasn’t the amorous western ideal; King’s love required strength—even defiance in the pursuit of justice and equity.

Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion • January 4, 2023

In the spring of 1963, as Dr. Martin Luther King was preparing to help lead organized protests to challenge segregation in Birmingham, he was simultaneously finishing his work on his first collection of published sermons to appear with Harper & Row, Publishers. In a small, dark quarter of a Georgia jail cell, “dirty…and ill-equipped,” where he’d been imprisoned for holding a prayer vigil during the Albany protests, Dr. King began sketching out his book. The result would be “ The Strength to Love ,” one of his best-loved and oft-quoted collections. The following year, King was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Dr. King’s notion of love wasn’t the amorous western ideal—that love typically symbolized by romantic notes and candy treats, or winged cherubs, slung with arrows. “Love is something much deeper than emotional bosh,” he wrote. King’s love required strength—even defiance in the pursuit of justice and equity. He explained why the bible commands us to love our enemies, how hatred disconnects us from our community and humanity, and he encouraged his congregation to “meet physical force with soul force.”

King understood his notion of love would seem contradictory to many readers—especially those who had seen images of peaceful protesters in Georgia, Alabama, and Mississippi attacked by police dogs and battered by water cannons. But he was also a man of deep faith, and in “The Strength to Love ” he turns repeatedly to the New Testament and the teachings of Jesus. He knew that responding to the venom and brutality of the Jim Crow segregationist with love would take extraordinary conviction and self-control. He focused his writing on the category of agape —a love for community and the wellbeing of others—and he pushed his readers to “combine toughmindedness with tenderheartedness” and employ nonviolent resistance to combat racism. He insisted “darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

The Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. devoted his extraordinary life to choosing love over hate —and this year the University of Utah honors his commitment with a week of activities, discussions, and public forums. In honor of MLK Week, events will explore Dr. King’s complex ideas on the meaning of love and examine together the strength needed to choose it and care for each other when faced with hatred and division.

Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) communicates the strategic vision for equity, diversity, and inclusion (and belonging) at the University of Utah. Sign up for our bimonthly One U Thriving Newsletter or EDI Events mailing list to stay informed on our journey as we achieve the goal of an inclusive campus.

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Activism EDI MLK Week Social Justice

“Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. – Love

Is love more powerful than hate?

Love is a powerful force in the universe. That much is true. What’s unclear is just how powerful love is and whether it can and should be used as a tool to combat hate. Some say hate must be met with more of the same and that confrontation is the onlly reliable strategy to change human behavior for the better. Others take the kinder, softer approach and let love do the job.

Join Steve and Dan Fouts for a conversation about love using the Teach Different 3-Step conversation method.

Whether you are a teacher, school leader, or simply someone interested in experiencing the joy and fulfillment of challenging kids with big ideas, join our worldwide Community of Practice FREE for 30 days. Membership includes access to our robust library of resources, conversation plans, and lively discussions among teachers and faculty.

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Date: 01/23/2022

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Dan Fouts 00:00

Hello, Steve and Dan Fouts here from Teach Different. We’re veteran teachers from the United States bringing educators together from around the world to learn a simple conversation method, which we model on this podcast for you. If you’re a teacher, administrator, or parent who wants to use the power of conversations to build stronger relationships and fight polarization, stay tuned to hear the impact our method can have on your discussions. Then join our Community of Educators at teachdifferent.com for additional resources and to participate in lively conversations among teachers and faculty, free for 30 days.

Dan Fouts 00:31

Hello everybody. Welcome to the Teach Different podcast. This week, we have a great quote from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. on the theme of love. Since we recently had the Martin Luther King holiday, this is a perfect time to bring in a quote from him. He has so many amazing ones. He was the leader of the civil rights movement in the 1960s, and a very special leader in American society, really worldwide.

Dan Fouts 01:01

Let’s review our 3-step conversation method. We’ll start with his quote on love, then talk about the claim of the quote, our interpretation of what it means in our own language. As listeners, this is where you want to think about your audience. If you’re an elementary, middle, or high school teacher using this quote, imagine what your students would say, and how they would interpret it. Then, we’ll move to the counterclaim, which pushes against the claim, and gets our critical thinking skills going. We’ll end with an essential question that you can use with your students. As we’ve said many times in our podcasts, some of your best essential questions will come from your students as part of the organic conversation. Let’s begin with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr’s quote on the theme of love. “Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.” “Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.” Steve, what’s your take on the claim?

Steve Fouts 02:09 – Claim

I think he’s saying that revenge is counterproductive. If someone is threatening you, or you’re dealing with negativity, a natural feeling is to give that back to them, because you didn’t deserve it. It’s difficult to tolerate that kind of stuff. MLK is saying that if you give the hate back, it’s never going to go away. The hate that you’re getting will continue to come back to you. You’re always going to have to deal with it, if you respond with the same thing.

Dan Fouts 02:57

I like that. It’s an eye for an eye. I see the revenge angle on this. The tendency to respond in the same way that your attacker, so to speak, is responding. MLK is very clear that hate cannot drive out hate. If you want to get rid of hate, you have to use a different approach. This is tough for young people, and for adults. You have to take a step back, think, reflect and try to respond in a way that is going to throw them off base and resolve the conflict. With hate, you can’t respond back with hate, because it’s going to make it worse. The second part of the quote, only love can do that, is the opposite of hate. So he’s saying you have to approach hate from a unique angle that might surprise the other person.

Steve Fouts 04:11

Yeah. He thinks love is the way to get rid of hate. That’s his insight here. You said that love is the opposite of hate, and I think a lot of people would agree with you. I heard someone say once, that the opposite of love isn’t hate. Its indifference. Hate and love are actually closer than you think, but maybe that’s another conversation. Let me add to his claim. He’s really saying that love is what can get rid of hate. That’s his claim. I don’t think that’s always true. I think this is a very revolutionary comment, although it sounds kind of nice and innocent, and maybe even naive on some level. I think what he’s saying is really important.

Dan Fouts 05:23

Let’s go to the classroom. If you’re with students, and you’ve put this quote up, your student will likely respond with personal experiences of when they chose love over hate. Younger kids might not use the term love. You might ask, when someone has not liked you, have you ever responded by liking them or being nice to them? Have you taken the opposite approach? How did that work out? What did you do when that happened? Did you feel more powerful when you did that? Did you feel weakened? Did you feel like it was successful or not?

Steve Fouts 06:14

Kill them with kindness. I don’t know who said that quote, but that’s what this is aligned to. MLK talked about love being a weapon in other speeches. It’s interesting to think of it that way. When you’re hating someone, because they hate you, then you’re really fighting a battle with them. But if you want to win the war, one way is to give something they don’t expect. Maybe they will think that they’ve targeted the wrong person, because you’re not reacting the way they wanted you to. That could be a really good tactic to use. Honestly, my high school students in Chicago would say, “haters are gonna hate.” It doesn’t matter how you react to them, because they’re just going to hate. They would struggle with this quote.

Dan Fouts 07:42

Are you saying that love would not have the intended effect, that it wouldn’t be useful? Are you saying that they would say neither would be successful in driving out hate?

Steve Fouts 07:54

Yes. I would say indifference would be something they would claim. Can you win if you don’t let people bother you? That’s how you win. You don’t try to love on them. They don’t deserve that and you don’t have the energy for that. If students don’t want to step up to share an experience and you don’t have something ready, then have them do a thought experiment. Ask students to set up a situation where they think it would work to respond to someone’s hatred with love. Would it conquer all?

Dan Fouts 09:09

Sometimes that’s a safe way to participate. Instead of student’s talking about their own life, they can bring up a fictitious example that gets to the point. Teachers could share a personal experience. Teachers often deal with negative reactions from students. Students might be interested to know how important it is for teachers to respond to hate and anger with love and kindness. That’s our job. It’s tough to do, but it’s also incredibly successful when you do it in a classroom to manage emotions.

Steve Fouts 10:11

It can work. I’m thinking of my own life and how I try to be positive to people. In fact, I’m probably too non confrontational. It doesn’t have to go to hate, but love is powerful. It can move mountains and repair relationships. Sometimes when you’re trying to love somebody who is not treating you well, it doesn’t work. I’m slowly getting into the counterclaim.

Dan Fouts 11:05

I think you’re defining love in a different way than I am. I’m thinking of love as positive attention or kindness. In the context of a classroom, it would be paying attention to a student, listening to a student, showing that you care about them. Maybe love is a little bit too strong of a word. I think the word love is going to be unpacked by students, and they’re going to be all over the map with that word.

Steve Fouts 11:39

You have to circle that one and get some opinions on what kids think that means. MLK is using it in a context that’s different from how we’re using it in a classroom. Let’s get to the counterclaim. We’re kind of flirting with it. How would you say the counterclaim?

Dan Fouts 12:14 – Counterclaim

“Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.” If someone is hating on you, sometimes confronting them with the very same medicine is exactly how to get them to stop and respect you.

Steve Fouts 12:38

Do you think they’re going to stop hating when they get confronted? The bully is going to stop hating?

Dan Fouts 12:45

There are some people, who when met with resistance and see somebody stand up for themselves, will transform their hate into respect. Love would not have worked.

Steve Fouts 13:03

You drove out hate when you confronted someone. You got them to realize that they better go find another victim, because you’re going to be all kinds of trouble for them. I get that. I’m going to suggest another tack to that. I’m going to say that indifference drives out hate. I’m not talking about love. I’m thinking one way to deal with someone hating me is to just ignore it.

Dan Fouts 13:49

That’s definitely another way.

Steve Fouts 13:51

It could aggravate them, and then they’re going to start pushing your buttons. They’re probably still going to come after you, if they wanted you in the first place, and they really hate you. That approach probably won’t work with some folks. I think indifference is another perspective to the counterclaim.

Dan Fouts 14:13

To be indifferent means you want to avoid conflict and not respond to people. If you don’t respond to people who are hating you, you’re not giving them the reaction that they probably want. That’s the power they have over you. If you ignore them, then they don’t have any power over you. That’s a way to drive out hate, because they have nothing to gain by interacting with you.

Steve Fouts 14:53

That’s not going to always work. You have to take the love route or the hate route to get rid of the hate. One thing we haven’t talked about, yet, is what does MLK mean by getting rid of hate? Is he talking about making someone not want to hate you anymore, or about their inability to hate you? Is that the same thing?

Dan Fouts 15:37

Maybe it’s the same thing.

Steve Fouts 15:41

I think it is. This has to be a motivation we’re dealing with.

Dan Fouts 15:45

Feeling and motivation.

Steve Fouts 15:50

Hate is tied to someone’s feelings.

Dan Fouts 15:54

I know we’re on the counterclaim, but I’m going to flip back to the claim. “Only love can drive out hate.” Essentially, what he’s saying is that if you remove the hate, then you have to fill it up with something else, like love. That’s important. It might as well be love and not hate. I’m thinking of asking kids, when they’ve confronted somebody who’s hated them, and they didn’t respond with kindness or love, how did that work out? What did you do? So many people will be talking about those kinds of experiences. You’ll learn a lot about how your students deal with conflict. It might surprise you to discover that the quiet kids have some pretty severe conflicts going on in their life. That would come out in this conversation when they share personal stories.

Steve Fouts 17:04

If they want to share them. I would love to ask an unruly student, or someone who’s a little bit harder to control, if they’ve ever been nice to someone who really hated them. Find that confrontational student, put them on the spot, and ask them if they have ever used that tactic. They probably love talking.

Dan Fouts 17:57

It’s priceless for other students to hear those stories. They’re learning how to interact with each other and how each of them responds in different situations. This is a common theme with all of these conversations. You get to learn about your students on a level that is so profound and deep. If you’re able to have these conversations, you see another dimension to their thinking.

Steve Fouts 18:27

That’s what it’s all about. That’s what our role is as the facilitator. I just thought of a homework assignment. Act nice to the next person who hates you. Show them a little bit of love, then tell the class what happened. That’s your homework. We’ll give you a week.

Dan Fouts 18:50

This would be a wonderful quote to use before teaching the civil rights movement, or wherever there’s conflict between love and hate. This is where teachers’ creativity will be ignited. What a wonderful conversation to have before or after your favorite curriculum that surrounds this theme.

Dan Fouts 19:19

Great Stuff.

Steve Fouts 19:19

I love Dr. Martin Luther King Jr..

Dan Fouts 19:21

He is fantastic.

Steve Fouts 19:23

We have to get some more quotes from him.

Dan Fouts 19:26

Definitely,

Dan Fouts 19:28 – Essential Question

Here’s an essential question that we came up with, is love more powerful than hate? It’d be really interesting to see what the kids say about that.

Steve Fouts 19:49

Good question.

Dan Fouts 19:51

All right. Well, thank you everybody. We appreciate you listening to the Teach Different podcast. We’ll be back next week with a thought provoking quote, a great conversation, and an essential question. Good luck with your conversations, and we’ll see you soon.

Steve Fouts 20:07

See ya everybody.

Dan Fouts 20:09

Thanks, everybody. We hope you’re walking away feeling energized by some great ideas, and have a sense of confidence that you too can master the art and science of conversations to make a lasting impact. We at Teach Different are dedicated to supporting you along that journey. Please visit teachdifferent.com to join our Community of Educators for additional resources and engaging discussion among fellow teachers and administrators, free for 30 days. We’ll see you there and next time on the Teach Different Podcast, take care!

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Essay: Theme of love being stronger than hate: A Tale Of Two Cities

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The theme of love being stronger than hate is illustrated in the novel A Tale Of Two Cities by Charles Dickens which takes place in France and England during the French Revolution. Charles Dickens demonstrates how Sydney Carton makes his decisions based on love for the benefit of others and himself and Madame Defarge makes her decisions based on hate which causes the pain and sorrow of many people. Dickens suggests that love overpowers hate because in the end those who acted on hate don’t have happy endings. Sydney Carton shows his unselfish love through his sacrifice for others; he loves the Manette family so much that he will give up his life for theirs. Sydney once says to Lucie “For you, and for any dear to you, I would do anything. I would embrace any sacrifice for you and for those dear to you. And when you see your own bright beauty springing up anew at your feet, think now and then that there is a man who would give his life, to keep a life you love beside you” (157). He lives up to what he says because later in the story he sacrifices his life so that Lucie could be with her husband Charles Darnay. He knew that Charles is what made Lucie happy and he wanted her to be happy. Sydney loves Lucie so much that he accepts the fact that she would never marry him and instead is happy that she is with Charles. He is a selfless man that is always thinking about others and never himself. Sydney was not always this way though. There was a time when he was always very depressed. Towards the beginning of the novel Sydney and Charles go out for a couple drinks and Sydney says “I am a disappointed drudge, sir. I care for no man on earth, and no man on earth cares for me” (102). He is disappointed not with himself but those around him. He drinks to solve his problems which doesn’t actually do much for him. He was a man that didn’t care about anybody including himself. Later on in the story this problem is solved because of his love for Lucie. He begins to deeply care about others especially the Manettes. In conclusion, Sydney is a selfless man that sacrifices himself for benefit of others. In contrast to Sydney Carton, Madame Defarge acts on hate instead of love. Her strong opinion for the revolution causes her to make radical decisions which bring upon the death and sorrow of many people. Her actions are based on her hate for what happened to her family and her strong opinion for the revolution. Madam Defarge wants to exterminate the whole Evremonde race and anyone who is associated with them. Years ago the Evremonde brothers raped her sister and killed her family, she seeks to avenge their deaths. She says to her fellow revolutionaries, “I care nothing for this Doctor, I. He may wear his head or lose it, for any interest I have in him; it is all one to me. But, the Evrémonde people are to be exterminated, and the wife and child must follow the husband and father”(373). She is so caught up with what happened to her family that she pays no attention to the people who actually committed the crime. She does this to make her feel better but by killing the Manette family she accomplishes nothing. She only makes those who loved them sad and that’s it. Madam Defarge seeks revenge and is willing to do anything to get it. She seems like she can’t get enough of killing people. Madame Defarge runs into Lucie and her daughter and they have a conversation. “The shadow attendant on Madame Defarge and her party seemed to fall so threatening and dark on the child, that her mother instinctively kneeled on the ground beside her, and held her to her breast. The shadow attendant on Madame Defarge and her party then seemed to fall, threatening and dark, on both the mother and the child” (301). Madame Defarge shows a lot of anger and hate towards Lucie and her daughter simply because they are related to Charles Darnay. They have nothing to do with the death of her family but she wants them dead. Dickens describes Madame Defarge as “a strong and fearless character, and shrewd sense and readiness, of seems to impart to its possessor firmness and animosity, but to strike into others an instinctive recognition of those qualities; the troubled time would have heaved her up, under any circumstances.” (375). She is a strong and smart women that is determined to kill whoever is on her “hit list”. She is portrayed as a evil character, her actions based on hate hurt many people both physically and emotionally. Dickens suggests that love is stronger than hate because through love people are united and “recalled to life” and through hate not much is accomplished. The strongest relationship in the novel is between Lucie and her father, “If, when I hint to you of a Home that is before us, where I will be true to you with all my duty and with all my faithful service, I bring back the remembrance of a Home long desolate, while your poor heart pined away, weep for it, weep for it!” (48). Lucie appears to express love to her father which she has never met. Their bond is very strong very soon. Lucie’s father, Dr. Manette is imprisoned unjustly for many years and therefore feels institutionalized. Even though he is physically out of the prison he mentally feels imprisoned. Through Lucie’s love he is able to be “recalled to life”. Another character in the story that expresses hate and anger is the Monseigneur who was the uncle of Charles. One particular scene of him shows how selfish and malicious he is, “He threw out a gold coin for the valet to pick up, and all the heads craned forward that all the eyes might look down at it as it fell. The tall man called out again with a most unearthly cry, “Dead!” (115). Later on this man gets killed because of his actions based on hate. Madame Defarge also doesn’t have a great ending. When she goes over to the Manette house to kill the family she gets stopped by Miss Pross who very unselfish similar to Sydney. These two women fight, Madame Defarge is fighting to get to the Manattes so she can kill them and Miss Pross is fighting to protect Manettes. In this battle Madam Defarge gets shot and dies. If she simply wouldn’t of went to the Manette house she would of still been alive. In conclusion, those characters who acted on hate had a unhappy ending or never accomplished their goal as opposed to those who acted on love who were happily ever after.

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Essay about love and hate – Compare And Contrast Essay

Introduction

In my essay, I compare and contrast love and hate. I find their similarities and their differences. My work is based on the norms of western society and the casually excepted implications of each emotion, such as how love is considered positive and hate is considered negative. In my essay, I compare and contrast the two emotions from a matter-of-fact and semi-technical perspective.

Similarities

Both hate and love are emotions and both are felt by humans though the exact nature of love or its many definitions means it is a difficult emotion to define. Love does seem to have a lot of definitions, whereas the word hate has numerous definitions but they are all centered on the same thing.

Both are powerful emotions

It is fair to say that love and hate are powerful emotions. They may lead a person to be euphoric or very sad, and can both encourage anger and extreme happiness. It is possible to hate someone so much that you like it, and it is possible to love someone so much that you secretly hate them.

Both are very good for very good artistic expression

There are many artists and creators that say their work came from their emotions of either love or hate. It seems that they are both good for creating inspiration and for helping a person maintain a concentrated effort so that their creative project is finished.

One may cause the other

It is possible for love to cause hate and hate to cause love. They are both conflicting emotions, but people may hate a person whilst actually falling in love, and one person may fall in love only to start eventually hating the person they purport to love.

Differences

There are numerous differences that both love and hate have, and there also appears to be a lot of mixing of emotions. It is possible to love and hate a person or something at the same time. A good example of this is a person that is cheated on that both loves and hates the person that cheated.

One is perceived as negative and the other positive

This is the biggest difference between both love and hate. Love is seen as a positive and constructive emotion, whereas hate is seen as a negative and destructive emotion.

One is tied to negative actions and one tied to positive actions

There are things such as loving/hateful acts and things born or love or hate. Both appear to be similar in that they are attached to action, but love is tied to positive actions and events, whereas hate is attached to negative actions and events.

There are quite a lot of differences when it comes to love and hate, and yet as emotions, they both seem to have a startling amount of similarities. The biggest reason for their differences seems to be based on the fact that they are two opposing emotions; however, it is possible for the two emotions to exist at one time and for both emotions to be seen as positive and negative.

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Relationships

Love Is Stronger Than Hate – How to Be Strong, Kind, & Laugh

Seven keys to keep yourself positive & strong.

Posted November 13, 2016

“I am fundamentally an optimist . . . Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair.”

— Nelson Mandela, “Long Walk to Freedom”

Sometimes, the bully wins.

At least temporarily. When a bully has his day and seems omnipotent, it’s easy to feel lost and discouraged. One may experience fear , resignation, anxiety , despondency, anger , and/or depression . The world may seem less loving and just. At a community meeting I attended last night, someone exclaimed:

“How can abuse be normalized in so many ways?”

But a bully doesn’t run your life. YOU DO. No matter how downtrodden you may feel at the moment, you are the master of your own attitude, emotions, and actions. Below are seven keys to keep strong:

1. Take Care of Yourself

“Bullies win when you’re upset.”

When the latest news gets you down, turn off the TV and internet. Go for a walk, exercise, drink camomile tea (which has a calming effect) [1][2] , eat healthy, and get enough sleep. Shift your focus, even temporarily, to unwind and recharge. Importantly, connect with loved ones who can offer encouragement and support. If you’re truly upset, seek help from mental health professionals, or call a crisis hotline. Remember that, no matter what happens, you’re not alone.

2. Display Random Acts of Senseless Kindness

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

Everyday, in ways large or small, offer random acts of kindness, especially to those who normally don’t expect them, and those who may seem different than you. You never know when the simplest gesture - a smile, a “hello”, holding the door open, or friendly chitchat can make someone’s day. When you do so, some people will respond in kind, while others won't. But that’s not really the point. Every large or small gesture of kindness you offer is an affirmation of your own humanity. You’re shinning a light in your own life, while helping to brighten the lives of others.

“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”

— Mother Teresa

3. Find Positive Community

If you feel bad about the current political situation, and the shocking loss of humanity in our society, you’re hardly alone. There are literally millions who feel similar as you: grieving, searching for solutions, and keeping hope alive. Leverage strength in numbers. Whether face-to-face or digital, be it local, national, or global, do something to make positive, nonviolent change. You’re never alone unless you withdraw and shut down. Become part of the solution to help stem the tide of hatred.

“Hope will never be silent.”

— Harvey Milk

“Where there’s injustice, I always believe in fighting. The question is: do you fight to change things, or do you fight to punish? For myself I’ve found with all such sin as we should leave punishment to God.”

— From the film “Gandhi”

4. Pick Your Battles

Empowering oneself and making change is not the same as spending unproductive hours trying to convince others of your views. In your day-to-day life, avoid unfruitful arguments and needless confrontations. Pick your battles wisely. This is particularly true with those in your personal life whom you adamantly disagree. In personal relationships, sometimes the most sane option is to change the topic or to take a time out. Unless something truly important is at stake, don’t let political negativity ruin your relationships.

5. Fight the Good Fight / Fight with Humor

Having made the previous point, if you really don’t like what’s going on in the world around you, do something positive and constructive about it. Fight the good fight. And when you do so, remember to keep having fun!

Van Wilder from the movie with the same name said: “You shouldn’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.” No matter how difficult the challenge, resolve to keep the fun and enjoyment in your life. This includes times when you fight for justice, and champion "the better angels of our nature". Humor is a powerful tool which can disarm negativity. A bully is less enabled when you are unimpressed.

“A recent Ku Klux Klan rally in Austin produced an eccentric counter-demonstration. When the fifty Klansmen appeared in front of the state capitol, they were greeted by five thousand locals who had turned out for a “Moon the Klan” rally. Citizens dropped by both singly and in groups, occasionally producing a splendid wave effect. It was a swell do.

You got to have fun while you’re fightin’ for freedom, ‘cause you don’t always win . . . And when you get through kickin’ ass and celebratin’ the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was.”

— Molly Ivins

6. Seize Your Internal Locus of Control

Many researchers state that having a sense of internal locus of control over our own lives is one of the important conditions for mental health. [3][4] In the face of an uncertain and challenging situation, take care to do the following:

A. Separate what you can control from what you cannot control. With what you can control, identify purposeful and constructive goals that make you feel good. Write down a step-by-step plan to help you attain your goals. Always have something positive to look forward to. [5]

B. With external challenges that may threaten your health, security, safety, and overall well-being, proactively identify a viable “Plan B”, and perhaps also a “Plan C”, to ensure that you’re on top of the situation, with multiple options going forward.

C. Build a strong support system around you composed of positive family, friends, counselors, community members and resources, and other allies who can lend you encouragement and advice.

7. "This Too Shall Pass"

Human beings are often resistant to change. When it comes to social progress, we tend to take two steps forward and one step back, moving along grudgingly. When negativity brings you down, take a deep breath, say to yourself: “this too shall pass”,

and keep moving forward. Remember all the social progress that has been made just in your lifetime, in your parents' lifetime, and in your grandparents' lifetime. As long as we keep moving forward, there may be interruptions, and much din along the way, but there will be no going back.

“When I despair, I remember that all through history, the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it -- always.”

Preston Ni is the author of (click on titles): “ How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People ”, and “ How to Let Go of Negative Thoughts & Emotions ”.

Select References

(1) Recutita (Chamomile) Extract Therapy for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. J Clin Psychopharmacol (2009).

(2) Della Loggia R, Traversa U, Scarcia V, Tubaro A. Depressive Effects of Chamomilla Recutita (L.) Raush, Tubular Flowers, on Central Nervous System in Mice. Pharmacol Res Commun 14 (1982).

(3) Lefcourt, Herbert. Locus of Control: Current Trends in Theory and Research (1982).

(4) Ng, Thomas. Locus of Control at Work: A Meta-Analysis (2006).

(5) Goldman, D. Researchers Find That Optimism Helps the Body's Defense System. New York Times (1989).

Preston Ni is a professor, presenter, private coach, and the author of Communication Success with Four Personality Types and How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People.

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Three Powerful Lessons About Love

It’s been 20 years since daniel jones started modern love as a weekly column in the new york times. today, he shares what the job has taught him about love..

This transcript was created using speech recognition software. While it has been reviewed by human transcribers, it may contain errors. Please review the episode audio before quoting from this transcript and email [email protected] with any questions.

Love now and always.

Did you fall in love?

Just tell her I love her.

Love is stronger than anything you can feel.

For the love.

And I love you more than anything.

(SINGING) What is love?

Here’s to love.

From “The New York Times,” I’m Anna Martin. This is “Modern Love.” This year marks the 20th anniversary of the “Modern Love” column. 20 years — can you believe that? Two decades of essays that have made us laugh, made us gasp, broken our hearts, reminded us of the fundamental goodness of people. And let’s be honest — a lot of these essays should come with tissues. It’s kind of our thing here, making you cry.

To mark this big anniversary, we’ve got a conversation with “Modern Love” founder Daniel Jones. Dan has edited around 1,000 essays since the first one ran back in 2004. And when you spend all your professional time contemplating human connection, that work doesn’t stay at the office. It impacts you in profound ways. So, today, Dan shares the three essays that have changed the way he approaches love and relationships in his own life. And at the end of the show, stay tuned for a very exciting announcement about the rest of our season.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

So, it feels strange to say what I say to guests on the show, which is welcome, because, really, you welcomed me into this universe. So instead of saying welcome, I’m going to say, Dan Jones, hello, and thank you so much.

It is great to be back here.

The “Modern Love” column has been around for almost 20 years, which is a long time. And I do not say this in a rude way, but that also means that you are 20 years older than you were when you started it. Is there anything that’s happened in your life over those two decades that has changed your approach to the work or reframed it in some way?

I’ve gone from being young to less young over that time.

Delicately put.

I started the column with children who are now very much adults and have gone through their own breakups and traumas and all of that and got out into the world and gotten jobs. My marriage of 29 years came to an amicable end. My father died two months ago, and there’s been a lot of tough family time since then. But I feel like my life was pretty stable during the family child rearing years. And then, oddly timed to the pandemic, I have to say — [LAUGHS]

As happened to many, yeah.

It just like opened up, and it was like the column was saying to me, OK, you’re going to experience the whole range of what you’ve been putting out there. And interestingly enough, I feel like working on the column for all these years has given me sort of touchstones and tools — and not just for me, for other people, too — to be able to navigate difficult times in life. It feels like this churning reservoir of human experience that sort of feeds into your veins if you are open to it.

I love what you said that you gave so much to the column. And now you’re in this place in your career and your life where it’s giving back to you. I mean, what a —

It’s like an annuity program.

It’s like — yeah, it’s like a 401(k). [LAUGHS]

Right, right. Exactly.

It’s like a Roth IRA.

It’s the “Modern Love” 401(k).

That’s a sexy way to say it, right?

You know? I’m withdrawing. I’m getting close to the age where I’m going to be forced to withdraw. So, it’s a good thing.

People are loving this metaphor. OK, so that’s where you are now, but when you were starting the column, did you see yourself as an expert in relationships or in romance?

I wasn’t great at romantic relationships. I was like, how does this work? How does this work? I was really terrible at it in high school. I was really terrible at it in college. I still found it really hard. My first girlfriend in grad school.

Took you a while.

But very slow learning, very shy. But I think just the weightiness of romantic relationships is a scary thing.

And I wasn’t paralyzed with fear or anything. Like, I just — I assumed I’d get married and have a family. Like all those things were just assumptions and didn’t seem all that hard to make happen, in a way. But the complications of relationships and loss and just all those big things, I felt like those were things that happened to somebody else. Those were out there and were these deep, dark wells that I hadn’t really experienced and didn’t have a sense of how to navigate.

Hmm. How did the people in your life react when you told them like, hey, I got a new gig. I will be covering love and relationships at “The New York Times.” How did people react?

Some people were just — they were surprised that that would be my subject and that would be my beat, in a way. To me, I don’t think of love and relationships as being a beat. I think of it as being like the center of all life. It’s like, it’s not off to the side.

Say that, mm-hmm.

It’s the center of things. Honestly, I don’t like the word “romance.” It just feels like shallow and —

— schlocky and whatever. But the word “love” has it all. It’s like that’s the core of human existence, it seems to me. It’s the stuff of life and loss and death and yearning and dreaming and all of that stuff.

Mm. Have you come to that understanding of these stories about love are really stories about life? Did you enter into the column, the early days of this column, with that understanding, or has that been worked out over 20 years of editing these pieces?

We started that way a little intentionally. We made it clear that the stories were not just about romantic relationships. It was family relationships and friendships and parenthood and the whole sort of gamut of human love and bonds. And in coming up with a title, “Modern Love,” we wanted an umbrella that was sort of wide enough to encompass love.

And the “modern” part of it could mean a lot of things. To me, it meant something that was contemporary, like a way we connect that we didn’t use to, the way we use technology, the way we have children that we didn’t use to, all of those ways that are now. And we just thought “modern” would cover that piece of it.

OK, so, another big part of the column is that it’s totally based on reader submissions, meaning anyone can send in their idea for a story, and you select the ones you want to edit and then publish. Why did you go with that submission model, as opposed to commissioning stories from famous writers or other well-known people?

I just thought, let’s just open the floodgates and see what comes in. I didn’t realize at the time what a great idea that was because —

[LAUGHS]: I realized later, I’m a genius.

I’m a frickin’ genius for coming up with that, but not like it’s any kind of new idea. But for this kind of a forum, it was essential. And as an example, just a few weeks ago, we published a story by a Bangladeshi immigrant who’d been a taxi driver in New York, in an arranged marriage from Bangladesh. Had won the visa lottery and moved here, and they settled in Queens. They had a daughter. She became a doctor.

And I asked him, what made you write this story, your love story from 30 years ago and bringing it up to now? What made you submit it? And he said, oh, I’ve been reading “Modern Love” for 20 years.

You know? I’m reading it every week. And he wasn’t a writer. He’d just been reading the column and thought —

— I have a story. All these people who have stories, they read stories, they think, what about my story? And that’s something I was late in realizing, that it was just — it had drawn stories out of people who otherwise would not have told them. It felt a safe space for them. They thought, well, other people have done it.

So I could do it, too.

When we come back, Dan chooses the three essays that taught him the most about love, with a little help from Jake Gyllenhaal and Connie Britton. Stay with us.

All right, so, Dan, can you please kick us off with the first essay you want to talk about?

Yeah, so this is an essay. It’s called “One Bouquet of Fleeting Beauty, Please.” And the writer is named Alisha Gorder. And this is a story that begins with a young woman working in a flower shop describing the kinds of customers who come in, the kinds of flower bouquets that they’d buy and for what reason. And you think you’re in this light, airy story about a flower shop.

And then about halfway through, it takes a plunge into this really troubling backstory where her high school boyfriend had died by suicide at age 18, and it throws what she’s talking about and the flower shop into a whole new context. And in the end, it turns into a meditation of why flowers, why are these the things that people rely on for these important transitions and moments in life, and comes to a wisdom at the end that has just stayed with me ever since.

And longtime listeners will remember that this essay was featured on the podcast years ago, back when we had celebrities and voice actors read the essays. Let’s hear a part of this one performed, I think, really tenderly by the actor, Kerry Bishé.

There’s a picture I took of him just days before I left for college, two months before he died. It was the summer of chips and guacamole dinners we shared, sitting on the living room floor. He’s standing in the kitchen wearing a white t-shirt and jeans, one perfect half of an avocado cradled in his hand. His face is turned away, hidden from the camera, but I like to think he’s smiling.

I remember the song we were listening to, the chatter of frogs through the screen door, my bare feet on wood. Precious moments made all the more precious by the fact that they have already come and gone.

Now I measure months by what’s in season — sunflowers in July, dahlias in August, rose hips and maple in October, pine in December, hyacinth in March, crowdpleasing peonies in May.

A favorite of mine is tulip magnolia, the way the buds erupt into blooms and the blooms into a litter of color on lawns, all in a matter of weeks while it’s snowing cherry blossoms. How startlingly beautiful impermanence can be.

You said that it’s that ending and, in fact, it’s that final line that really speaks to you. Can you tell me what you learn or take away from that line?

It’s sort of grown on me how startlingly beautiful impermanence can be. It’s not that love or connection is beautiful and impermanent. It’s beautiful because it’s impermanent.

And the fleeting nature of any connection is what makes it precious and what makes it beautiful. And the way that she saw this in petals on the ground that are soon to dry up and go away, but the beauty is in that it won’t last.

I mean, there’s this section, I think, a little bit earlier than that when she even poses the question quite directly, like, why flowers? Why do we give these things that are going to shrivel and die?

Just to throw away, yeah.

And I love what you’re saying. It’s not despite the impermanence. It’s really loving because of it, because our time is —

Mm-hmm. That is the arc of life. It’s shortened with flower blossoms, but that is it. It sometimes lasts a long time, sometimes a short time. But it will always feel fleeting in a way, that level of beauty.

What does this essay make you think about in terms of your own life or your own relationships?

To me, it’s about — I mean, it’s a buzzword we always hear about, but here, it really comes home to roost, is presence, is being present. And it’s always the hardest thing, for me, for a lot of people, appreciating what you have now, and not thinking about what you’re building toward and what you’re accumulating wealth for and what’s to come, but the connections you have now that are beautiful in the moment, and not fearing that you’re going to lose them — because you are. That’s a certainty.

But just being able to be present and appreciate them and the fact that it’s this young woman who was able to artfully, in the midst of grief, compose such a beautiful piece that teaches that is just miraculous to me.

I mean, you mentioned earlier that your dad recently passed. Did you return to this essay then? Was it in the back of your mind as you were processing all that?

It must have been because I was scrolling through the archive and saw that illustration and clicked on it. And I did see it in a new way. I remembered how much I appreciated it at the time, but I was able to hold it together here. But when I read it aloud to a friend who obviously was sitting there when I was rereading it, I couldn’t get through the final lines. I was really broken up by it.

It sounds like this piece resonated with you and spoke to you in a different way years later, which is really powerful. Do you want to talk about the next essay?

Yeah, so this one is called “Nursing a Wound in an Appropriate Setting.” It’s written by Thomas Hooven, who is a doctor. He’s not a writer. But you would never know that —

No, you would not.

— from reading this incredible essay. And I think about this essay all the time. This was published in 2013. He describes his relationship with his longtime girlfriend before he goes to medical school. They knew each other for 12 years. They were both the children of divorce and of unstable households that were scary. And they gave each other a sense of safety. He describes their relationship as being no fighting. Fighting was what their parents did.

Fighting would threaten their equilibrium, yeah.

Fighting would threaten their love. And so, it was a sort of a flat, safe relationship. They were together for 12 years. They got engaged. He was about to head off to medical school. And then, she abruptly broke up with him. I think there were only a few weeks from their marriage —

— from their wedding.

Three weeks.

Three weeks, OK.

And he was just — devastated doesn’t begin to describe it. And he goes off to medical school or his residency, and it’s sort of his boot camp in feelings and complications and devastation and real life, like real life. And then after this sort of time in the wilderness in his residency and going through all this, he learns what real love is.

Yeah, I mean, his idea of what real love is at the end of the essay is so powerful. This essay was also featured on an early season of the podcast. So here’s Jake Gyllenhaal reading Thomas Hooven’s essay, “Nursing a Wound in an Appropriate Setting.”

Yeah, this one is so great.

My ex and I are not in touch. Our relationship, so long in the making and so quick to end, was like an ornamental piece of crystal. Aesthetically pleasing but lacking resilience and, once shattered, irrecoverable.

Looking back at the various romantic and not so romantic dating experiences I had afterwards, it’s hard to separate my growth as an emotionally conversant partner from my development as a capable physician. Both happened simultaneously and gradually through stretches of triumph and sorrow. There were no Eureka moments, and neither ever really ended.

The turmoil I experienced as an intern left me with a deeper understanding of how pain works, how it feels, how it ebbs, and how it leaves you less naive. I also learned to open up to important facets of life that my previous relationship had locked out — unhappiness, uncertainty, and regret. Comfort around feelings like these is crucial in both medicine and intimate relationships. It’s the basis of empathy.

I didn’t understand that before my ex left me, and I learned it the hard way.

By the time I met my wife, I was a changed man and a real doctor. And our love developed differently from any I had ever experienced before. Less like a crystal vase, more like a basketball, our relationship is made for bouncing, for good and sometimes rough play that modern professional lives generate. We do have fights — oh, yes, we do. But they do not threaten our foundation — they deepen it.

Tell me what you take away about Thomas’s articulation of what real love is. What is he saying?

Well, this is one of these essays that I feel like mirrored my experience in a way. Like, I didn’t come from a family of turmoil. But I’m afraid of conflict, total fear of conflict. Don’t like to fight, don’t like to argue. My idea of a successful, romantic, loving relationship was being in a harmonious space all the time — or not all the time. Sometimes you’d be bored, but you wouldn’t be fighting.

And so, this idea that fighting can bring you closer is revolutionary to me. It still is revolutionary to me. And not only that it can bring you closer, but it’s the only thing to bring you closer and the only thing to deepen your relationship.

Fighting can lead to end a relationship definitely, but the only way forward and the only way deeper is through conflict and resolving conflicts to a new understanding of the relationship and who you’re with and the person you’re with and getting to know them better and all of that. And I don’t know what business he has writing this well about —

You’re like, listen —

It’s not fair to be like a doctor —

— you’re already a doctor.

— and — I know, and also to be able to write this well about and understand love this well and loss and conflict and depth. It’s remarkable.

Mm. So are you like fighting all the time now?

I still need to learn how to fight better.

Let’s talk about the final essay. This is an essay by Elizabeth Fitzsimmons. It’s called “My First Lesson in Motherhood.” Can you tell me what that essay’s about?

Yeah, so this is a piece that ran on Mother’s Day way back in 2007. And it’s yet another one that takes a really dramatic turn — several dramatic turns. And it’s an essay about bravery when you didn’t think you had the capacity for it. It’s a couple who are having trouble getting pregnant and decide to adopt a baby girl in China. And they specifically fill out forms saying, we’re new parents. We don’t want any disabilities. We can’t deal with anything, basically, except for just a perfect, little, healthy baby.

And they get a baby who’s chosen for them. By the time they get there and meet with the baby and are alone with her for the first time, they discover alarming physical problems, a really bad rash and a scar at the base of her spine and hear a horrifying diagnosis that the child will be paralyzed from the waist down, will be incontinent, will have serious, serious problems. And unbelievably, they talk to the agents from the adoption agency, and they say, oh, well, we’re sorry about this, and essentially offer a swap for a different baby.

Yeah, that’s a moment that is kind of unbelievable in this piece.

The view of human life in that circumstance.

So this essay was read by the actress Connie Britton in 2016. And you can just hear the emotional stakes of this story in her performance. Let’s listen to it.

Yeah, she’s really perfect for this one.

I pictured myself boarding the plane with some faceless replacement child and then explaining to friends and family that she wasn’t Natalie, that we had left Natalie in China because she was too damaged, that the deal had been a healthy baby, and she wasn’t. How could I face myself? How could I ever forget? I would always wonder what happened to Natalie.

I knew this was my test, my life’s worth distilled into a moment. I was shaking my head no before they finished explaining. We didn’t want another baby, I told them. We wanted our baby, the one sleeping right over there. She’s our daughter, I said. We love her. Yet we had a long, fraught night ahead, wondering how we would possibly cope. I called my mother in tears and told her the news.

There was a long pause.

Oh, honey. I sobbed. She waited until I caught my breath. It would be OK if you came home without her. Why are you saying that? I just want to absolve you. What do you want to do? I want to take my baby and get out of here, I said. Good, my mother said. Then that’s what you should do.

I mean, I’m tearing up.

Me, too. So, the lesson in this piece to me is sort of about a test. It’s really a test. It’s like, what are you capable of? What kind of devotion, what kind of sense of responsibility, what are you going to take on? And they have to decide in the moment, are they going to stick with this child with this horrifying set of health complications that could control their lives forever? Are they going to push that baby aside and accept a healthier baby? And then, how do they live with themselves if they do that? Neither choice is an appealing choice.

No. This essay — I mean, all of these essays bowled me over, and this one just made me — I mean, I quite literally called my mom after this. It is such a moving testament to just the completely inexplicable, immediate bond between parent and child. Yeah, I’m still kind of crying. I mean, it’s just — it’s remarkable. Tell me what you’re taking. I mean, you are a parent. Like, tell me what you’re thinking about when you read this essay.

Well, first of all, I’m thinking — I think anyone reading this thinks, what choice would I have made?

And you would like to think that you would make the choice of keeping the child. But honestly, one of the most moving things and tragic things that happened in the wake of publishing this essay is, we got emails from people who’d faced this choice and —

— made the opposite choice and either left with a healthy baby and struggled, and struggled, and struggled with having done that. More common was giving up on adoption entirely and just walking away, and walking away from that child or any child. But she’s just like, I’m going to walk into this. Like, I’m going to just walk forward into this, and it’s going to be what it’s going to be. And miracle of miracles — like, within a year or so, all that stuff has gone away. They see a specialist —

I know. The kid is fine. I’m going to cry again. It’s like, after making this decision, they go home, and she heals. Oh!

Yeah, and she recoiled at thinking that was a reward for making the right choice. Like, she said, it’s not about that. It’s not about we were generous or we were good, and therefore, our child turned out fine. It’s not that at all. It just happened that way. But it’s yet another lesson in you can’t predict a smooth path. You just have to walk forward and be brave.

I often say with “Modern Love” stories that are really about choices and hard choices and how it’s sort of ordinary people being incredibly brave, I mean, I often wonder, what creates the person who can make the brave choice versus the person who shrinks from it. Like, what is that magic sauce? Or what is that childhood experience or what is the parenting that they have?

Because there is a divide. Like, there is a divide often in those circumstances that we saw in the outpouring after the essay.

We see instances of bravery in all three of the essays that you’ve shared today — bravery to embrace the brevity of love, bravery to engage in fighting in a relationship, bravery to make a choice. Would you define bravery as like a core act of love?

Yeah, a core act of love and a core act of life. People’s bravery has been my biggest takeaway over 20 years of doing this work. It’s never a person who says, I am brave. It’s almost the opposite. It’s people who say, I’m not brave. I’m a coward. And yet —

And the lesson, just sort of the lesson of that, life, it’s going to be a mess one way or the other. You just sort choose your mess. But that is what it is. That is life. You’re not going to avoid it. There’s such a school of life that is about trying to make your life as clean and tidy as possible. And it’s really a struggle to do that. And I’m not sure it’s well-directed energy.

What do you think we should direct our energy to? And now this is just truly me asking you because I want you to give me life advice. If not to cleaning up our life —

I’m not an advice giver, Anna.

I know, but just please —

You know that.

— put on the hat for one second. Like, if not to direct our energy towards cleaning up our life in your 20 years of doing this work, like, what is the more worthwhile thing to direct energy towards?

This is not exactly new advice, but it’s really the wisdom from Alisha Gorder’s essay, which is be in the moment. Value the people you’re with now. Don’t think I’m planning for 10 years from now. Get your 401(k) out of your mind. Contribute to it, but put it out of your mind. It’s the now. It’s the now that is the work.

Dan, I love that. It’s the now. I feel like so many listeners right now are clinging to every word you’ve said, trying to figure out what you’re looking for in a “Modern Love” essay pitch. And by the way, you can send those submissions to [email protected]. Dan, can you give us a few quick tips on what makes a story stand out in your inbox?

Well, a bad subject line is “Modern Love submission.”

You’re like 80 percent of people who submit. And a good subject line would include an attempt at a title, which would be like, “Please, Lord, let him be 27.”

Please Lord.

I read that — yeah, I read that subject line. It was funny. It was smart. It was vulnerable. I just prayed the essay would deliver on that promise.

And it did deliver. We actually featured it on the podcast a few seasons ago. So, a good subject line is very practical advice, but what about the essence of a story? Like, what are you looking for there?

A harder to define quality is a sense of humility. Like, there’s a sense that you’re not the smartest person in the world, but you do have something to offer. And in the world of pitching and of trying to get published, there’s an overriding sense that you have to act confident. You have to sell your product. You have to say, this essay is going to be perfect for you.

And that’s just the wrong approach. That kind of confidence is not what a hard experience leaves you with. It can leave you shaken. It can leave you wise. But it doesn’t leave you cocky. And I think it’s important that the stories aren’t really about answers. They’re about a search for answers. And they don’t need to come to a conclusion. But they need to present a problem in an interesting way that makes you think about it.

Well, now you’re going to get even more submissions that can fuel the next 20 years of “Modern Love.” Dan, thank you so much for the conversation today.

Thanks, Anna. It was a lot of fun.

So, listeners, at the beginning of this episode, I told you we have an announcement about the rest of our season. In honor of 20 years of “Modern Love,” we’re launching a special series that’s really an ode to the early years of the podcast that so many of you love so much.

Starting next week, our favorite actors, musicians, writers, and artists will read hand-picked essays from the “Modern Love” archive, and we’ll talk with them about how those essays relate to their life and their work. We’ve got a truly incredible lineup that we can’t wait to share with you. So, happy anniversary, “Modern Love” listeners. We are so excited for this season-long celebration. See you next week.

“Modern Love” is produced by Julia Botero, Christina Djossa, Reva Goldberg, and Emily Lang. It’s edited by Jen Poyant and Paula Szuchman. Our executive producer is Jen Poyant. This episode was mixed by Daniel Ramirez. Our show was recorded by Maddy Masiello.

The “Modern Love” theme music is by Dan Powell. Digital production by Mahima Chablani and Nell Gallogly. Special thanks to Larissa Anderson, Kate LoPresti, Davis Land, and Lisa Tobin. The “Modern Love” column is edited by Daniel Jones. Miya Lee is the editor of “Modern Love” projects. I’m Anna Martin. Thanks for listening.

May 15, 2024 • 32:34 Liza Colón-Zayas, of ‘The Bear,’ on Loving Someone Who’s in the Fight of Their Life
May 8, 2024 • 27:22 ¡Hola Papi!, Does My Grandmother Need to Know I’m Gay?
May 1, 2024 • 31:54 Emily Ratajkowski Can Take Care of Herself, but a Little Help Would Be Nice
April 24, 2024 • 28:31 Laufey, Gen Z’s Pop Jazz Icon, Sings for the Anxious Generation
April 17, 2024 • 35:54 Why John Magaro of ‘Past Lives’ Could Never Love a Picky Eater
April 10, 2024 • 29:18 Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows
April 3, 2024 • 27:31 The Second Best Way to Get Divorced, According to Maya Hawke
March 27, 2024 • 32:38 How to Be Real With Your Kids
March 20, 2024 • 32:14 Why Samin Nosrat Is Now ‘Fully YOLO’
March 13, 2024 • 32:32 Brittany Howard Sings Through the Pangs of New Love
March 6, 2024 • 33:21 Novelist Celeste Ng on the Big Power of Little Things
February 28, 2024 • 37:46 Three Powerful Lessons About Love

Hosted by Anna Martin

Produced by Julia Botero , Christina Djossa , Reva Goldberg and Emily Lang

Engineered by Daniel Ramirez

Original music by Dan Powell

Featuring Daniel Jones

Edited by Paula Szuchman and Jen Poyant

Listen and follow Modern Love Apple Podcasts | Spotify

‘working on the column for all these years has given me touchstones and tools to be able to navigate difficult times in life. it feels like a churning reservoir of human experience that feeds into your veins if you are open to it.’.

When Daniel Jones started the Modern Love column in 2004, he opened the call for submissions and hoped the idea would catch on. Twenty years later, over a thousand Modern Love essays have been published in The New York Times, and the column is a trove of real-life love stories.

Dan has put so much of himself into editing the column over the years, but as he tells our host, Anna Martin, the column has influenced him, too. Today, Dan shares three Modern Love essays that have changed the way he thinks about love and relationships in his own life.

Also, Anna announces the beginning of a special series of episodes celebrating Modern Love’s 20th anniversary.

Links to transcripts of episodes generally appear on these pages within a week.

Modern Love is hosted by Anna Martin and produced by Julia Botero, Christina Djossa, Reva Goldberg and Emily Lang. The show is edited by Paula Szuchman and Jen Poyant, our executive producer. The show is mixed by Daniel Ramirez and recorded by Maddy Masiello. It features original music by Dan Powell. Our theme music is by Dan Powell.

Special thanks to Larissa Anderson, Kate LoPresti, Davis Land, Lisa Tobin, Daniel Jones, Miya Lee, Mahima Chablani, Nell Gallogly, Jeffrey Miranda, Renan Borelli, Nina Lassam and Julia Simon.

Thoughts? Email us at [email protected] . Want more from Modern Love ? Read past stories . Watch the TV series and sign up for the newsletter . We also have swag at the NYT Store and two books, “ Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption ” and “ Tiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less .”

The Comparison of Love and Hate Essay Example

Walking down the school’s hallway you see a couple that can’t seem to take their hands off of one another. Then you walk a little further and you witness two boys arguing and pushing one another. These two separate emotions are two of the strongest we may ever experience. They are love and hate. Both can make daring risky decisions, and make one’s thoughts cloudy, yet they are two opposites.So, which is more powerful love or hate? Love is an emotion that lifts people’s spirits and makes you cheerful , while hate on the other hand leads you to unhappiness, destruction, and damage. Love is truly stronger. Love shows superiority against hate in many ways. According to the play Romeo and Juliet, Son of Charleston Shooting video, the Power of Love article, and the short story Tell Tale Heart, love is more powerful than hate because people feel more passionate about love than they do than hate and because in certain cases, hatred is usually overcome for the sake of peace and love.

According to the play Romeo and Juliet, love is stronger than hate.The tragedy of Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy and a love story about two children from rival families, who fall in love. Their misunderstanding leads them to death. After committing an accidental murder, Romeo is banished from his love’s city. In an attempt to keep their love together Juliet goes to Friar Lawrence, in desperate need for help. He gives her a potion and says, “ take thou this vial …..Drank thou off…. All thy vein shall run a cold and drowsy humor, for no pulse shall keep his native progress…. To play ashes thy eyes windows fall” (Act 5, Sc.L, 90-100). Romeo, finding Juliet in this comatose state, believes she is dead and drinks poison to be with her once more, he says “Here’s to my love! [drinks] O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick.Thus with a kiss die. [falls]” (Act 5, Sc.3, 115-120) Romeo’s love for Juliet has caused him to think irrationally and commit suicide. In this case, love is much stronger than hate. He feels he cannot live without his one and only Juliet, and dies to be with her. Juliet now finds her lover dead, next to her in the tob.She is in somewhat of a grieving shock, takes the dagger and dies with Romeo.

This yet is another case which love is stronger than hate. Love appears to take a staggering hold of more than just the two lovers, but their rivaling families as well: The end of the play is very important because it shows where the Montagues and Capulets finally forget about their feud and make peace with one another.Moneague says, “(Capulet)” O brother Montague, give me thy hand. (Montague) but I can give thee more; for I will raise her statue in pure gold…. As that of the faithful Juliet.” (Act 5, Sc.3,295-305). The prince starts to talk about Romeo and Juliet’s relationship and how it strengthens love, but still talks about the hate they caused for the children to die. Those families were once rivals before the death of their loved ones, now they are both stricken by grief, and they are pulled together by the line of their deceased.

According to the video “Son of Charleston Shooting victim” love is stronger than hate because it makes people feel more passionate and hatred is overcome for the sake of peace and love. The charleston shooting was a mass shooting in which a 21 year old white supremacist murdered nine african american during a prayer service at the Emanuel Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston. Where one victim’s son, a famous baseball player had an interview about what he felt about the incident. Chris Singleton, a charleston southern university sophomore, stood before T.V cameras and said that “love is stronger than hate” He said that after his mother, Sharonda Coleman-Singleton, died at the hands of an assassin during a church prayer meeting.

He thanked all of this coaches and teammates for their support and concern. He talked about how wonderful his mother was and how much he loved her. He said, “ She loved everybody with all her heart” Singleton said that he forgave the gunman who carried out the attack at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal church that claimed nine lives. He said, “We forgive; that's one thing we are going to do.Love is always stronger than hate, so if we just love the way my mom would, then the hate won't be anywhere close to what love is,” he said. The fact that he was able to forgive such a crime because of his love for his mom, shows how much stronger love is compared to hate.

According to the power of love article, love is stronger than hate because it makes people feel more passionate and hatred is overcome for the sake of peace and love. The power of love article shows how love can really affect how you physically and mentally are. The article states, “Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is the emotion of feeling unloved.” This is true because hate is one of the effects of not being loved. Love is what strengthens within things and people, while hate is something that usually destroys ties and tears people apart. It also states,”The pop culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for entertainment. WHich is one reason so many of us are set up to be depressed.” Love in shows usually aren’t the same in real life. The article says that you can learn to love by trying it first.Depression and hate usually takes over, and is usually hard to escape from. Love is the only thing to help you escape and that it’s the one and only strong emotion that beats hate.

Another story that portrays the power of love against hate is a short story called Tell tale heart. Tell Tale Heart is a short story by Edgar Allan Poe. It tells about a man who kills an old man, who he lives together with. THe story depicts the personal feelings of the man towards the old man. THe feelings of love and hate. Although in this short story hatred overpowered the narrator’s love for the old man, love still had a powerful meaning in this situation. You might be thinking wait, hate overpowered love causing him to kill the innocent man so how is love more powerful than hate? Well if you think about it he was psychologically abnormal and the author uses several aspects for how the man seems weird and seemed to be a mad person. The story begins with the narrator's statement, “ I did not hate the old man, I even loved him.He had never hurt me.” The only thing that scares the man is the old man's vulture eye, the eye that has a film in it and he says, “the eye of one of those terrible birds that watch and wait while the animal dies, and then fall upon the dead body and pull it to pieces to eat it.” THis shows some serious hatred against the eye. Even though hatred overpowered love for the old man it was his guilt that he had for the old man he loved.

HIs guilt was shown when his heart pounded so hard thinking it was the old man's heart that caused him to finally reveal the guilt he had. The writer finds that love and hate becomes the major reason why the main character decided to kill the old man.The man welcomes the cops and even allows them to the old man’s room. Everything seemed fine when they had the conversation,until the man starts hearing love is stronger than hate because it makes people feel more passionate and hatred is overcome for the sake of peace and love.ring a heart beating. He cannot bear it and finally admits it. The love for the old man is what made him feel guilty. He claims that he killed the vulture eye tnot the old man that he had loved.

In conclusion, the play Romeo and Juliet, The Son of Charleston Shooting video interview, The Power of Love Article, and Tell Tale Heart, portrays how love overpowers hate. In Romeo and Juliet their love for one another and damage of hate helped end the feud that had been lasting for many years. In the Charleston shooting video the victim’s son was able to forgive such a hatred crime because of his love for his mother. The love Article shows how love strengthens people while hate destroys these things.Lastly,the writer finds that love and hate becomes the major reason he decides to kill the old man.Hate can be powerful and cause people to kill for small things. Love though pulls crowds of people together no matter what. It causes people to think without caution, to get headfirst into a dangerous situation. Many believe first off that hate is the strongest as it is a common thing, love thought is the winner, love is what brings people together and causes them to be strong. Martin Luther once said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

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Is Love More Powerful Than Hate?

October 1, 2019
Motivation , Relationships

I often ask, “How many of you see struggles within and between people?” Many do. I ask, “How many of you think Love is the answer?” Again, many do. “I happen to agree with you” I say. “The problem is we have not learned to Love with deep conviction or mastery. We need practical applications of love.”

“You are a child of God. You’re playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

Marianne Williamson

This article is my response to the question, “Why don’t we?” as well as “Why are we not as passionate about Love, as others often seem to be about hate?” Could it be…

Love seems to lose more than hate. If we come right down to it, we may not always equate Love with Power. If anything, we may equate Love as a really important and wonderful “nice to have”, but not especially useful when up against the most pressing problems we face today, nor what looks like Love’s losing track record at times. After all, historically many of the most loving people on the planet seemed to end up on the losing end of the stick. These are not just the spiritually bold biggies either like Jesus (and other prophets of God), including the Dalai Lama, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa as well as the many loving and kind everyday men and women we know (believers or not).

The question is this: Does Love really ever lose? Every person reading this can likely recognize the few biggies I just named and recall the everyday loving people too, and if you’re like me, just recalling them brings about inspiration that expands our capacity to be loving too. What if Love IS winning but the illusion of it losing is causing too many of us to back away in fear; avoid declaring for Love with faithful conviction and a commitment to mastering it fully, no matter what?

Standing for Love is often ridiculed and dismissed. I feel this call to grow stronger in standing for Love openly in my own life. I teach what I privately refer to as practical applications of Love in many different settings, including the corporate setting. What I realize is that I don’t often use the word Love openly. I recently noticed that presidential candidate Marianne Williamson publicly declares that we need to get back to Love and look at what’s being said about her negatively by quite a few people. A friend says, “Voting for her is a waste of a vote. Candidate so-and-so knows how to ‘speak truth to power.’” I think, ‘What is a greater example of speaking ‘truth to power’ than saying, “We ARE Love and need to be convicted about BEING Love and standing for Love, like haters too often stand for hate.”’ Because Love requires courage and determination no matter the apparent outcomes, I have sometimes failed to stand for my own deepest convictions about Love.

Standing as a proponent of Love is vulnerable. I write this not to convert you so you vote for or believe in Marianne Williamson. Rather, I am writing this to publicly step into my own authenticity regarding my stand for Love and its power and I invite you to do the same. I share this to let you know what I see about my own fears of standing for Love out loud . I can understand why some people shied away from the Jesus’s and the Gandhi’s of the world when the going got tough. Love is powerful and it riles up all types of reactions; Love is especially threatening to existing power structures that would continue taking advantage of, make it ok, or promote that “the ends justify the means,” that “beliefs matter more than people” and that “win/lose” is the best we can expect. I have always stood for Love but skirted around putting a direct stake in the ground publicly for it like Williamson and others who do. I do so today.

We judge Love and how “well” or “right” we’ve done it, by our own expectations for certain results. I now see it’s not my job to make sure Love’s “working” or that I’m “doing it right.” It is only my job to act from Love and to stand for Love as I have always been called to do and to the best of my ability. I am losing my vacillation about Love’s expression in my life. I won’t second-guess or apologize for it anymore. Our fears around Love have more to do with a possible 10% (max) who could hurt us, than the 90% who will be happy about it and the 100% who will be helped by it.

A new narrative about Love. Writing about this and deepening my commitment to live openly from Love is helping me to experience great fulfillment and meaning! I feel a healing in it and new strength. I am grateful for the leaders of standing for Love out loud, now and before. Love is more powerful than any force! That’s why I ask God daily to release me from any NEED for Love, approval and acceptance from others, and from my small understanding about my idea of outcomes and what they mean.

When I GIVE Love to myself and others, consistently, doggedly, determinedly, wholeheartedly, and receive Love when it comes to me, without demanding it or protecting from it, I’m in the most powerful position related to Love that I can be. I encourage you to consider your own stance for Love in whatever way you are called to consider and express it. Together, maybe, if we’re all willing, we can rewrite a stronger, better story about Love and its power. Please join me in this!

This article is published in the column Emotional Intelligence in the Women’s Journals, September/October 2019

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Love is more powerful than hate.

Only two emotions—love and hate—can be accurately and conclusively described and expressed, and they have been that way since the beginning of time. Love is the foundation of our being, and love is what sustains us. Our identity is derived from love. The opposite is true: hatred never stops. It takes time before ignorance and a desire for things that will not be in the best interests of the individual are all that are left. Love fights against hatred in three ways: via forgiveness, compassion, and—most importantly—by staying in love.

I’m asking a rhetorical question: “Do you love or hate?” You can love someone in as many different ways as you can hate them. Everything is up for your interpretation. Why do people claim to detest someone they love while secretly harbour feelings of love for them? Why is it so challenging to provide us with the most fantastic experience possible? Perhaps it’s because we fear that if people learn about our feelings, they’ll laugh at us. It turns out that we bury our love within ourselves out of concern for criticism from others. Or we worry that the individual to whom these feelings are addressed will misunderstand us, reject us, or even find our feelings amusing. These assertions are both correct. A coexistence of love and hatred. It’s impossible to determine whether love or hate is hidden in the centre of the eyes, much like on the dark side of the moon.

Love and hate are the most powerful opposites in our dualistic thinking. Why then does unhappy love frequently lead to great rage and strained bonds? Each and every one of us has a loving partner. The intensity of this exuberant feeling has the capacity to significantly change how things develop. Hatred is a potent destroyer that feeds violence and despair, and hatred is a powerful destructor. Have you ever experienced real light of love and real darkness of hate?

Love might be more potent than hatred, as the song states, “Hatred would never, even metaphorically, develop love.” Love is more powerful because it brings fresh, satisfying difficulties. Love transforms a person, improves the world, broadens one’s horizons, opens up new opportunities, enhances friendships, and enables one to experience love more deeply. A person in love has a certain aura, a particular kind of energy that is released and is scattered in all directions, like the light of the many stars slipping through ages, remembering Juliet, Laura. All of those love stories—Natasha, Ophelia, and Desdemona—are profound in the intricacy of the feelings and emotions they arouse and are centred on the concept of enduring love.

But love might sometimes fade. It simply vanishes, disappears. Love must be so powerful that it may finally end, or it will remain. The fundamental elements of love are closeness, ardour, and dedication in all of its various manifestations. Romeo and Juliet might have lived longer, but would their love have been as strong, passionate, and steadfast? It is difficult to find a complete love that can reconcile them all. I’m not sold on it. Love is powerful because it can change. In actuality, intimacy is preserved while relationships evolve and change.

Who has ever lived in hate? Love is a powerful force because it drives, directs, navigates, and gives meaning to our existence. While hate encourages loneliness, love forbids it. While hate undermines individuality, love strengthens it. Incredible acts of giving come from love, but aggressive behaviour comes from hatred. Love doesn’t destroy; it creates. Love ends conflict; hate causes it.

Having “love and hatred” is impossible. Always, the source of “love” is “love.” Love has more force than hatred as a result of this. Consider your advantages. Love yourself, and be loved. You must be able to love more passionately than to hate. As long as you maintain love within, everything will be well.

very well written! nicky structured and flows smoothly in a delicate fashion. canâ t believe it is your first blog. hope to read many more.

the devnagari couplets are not showing in my responce below. .1 pothi padhi jag mua , pandit bhaya n koydhai akshar prem ke padhe so pandit hoy. saint...

your thoughts are appreciable and articulate. it\'s a proud feel to read your first write up. the philosophical understanding on the subject has a go...

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Speech on Love is More Powerful Than Hate
Hate ruins personality, it leads to violence, and war, whereas love is peace. Hate is revenge, love is construction. Hate is meaningless while love gives meaning to life. Hate destroys, love builds. In the end, I just want to say that "Love gives birth to love. Hence, love is more powerful than hate". Also Read:- Save Environment Speech.
Love is more powerful than hate. Speech.
For in the end, it is love that will guide us towards a brighter, more inclusive future. It is love that will unite us as one human family, bound by our shared humanity and our desire for a world filled with peace, harmony, and understanding. Love is indeed more powerful than hate - let us embrace it, cultivate it, and watch it flourish in our ...
Is Love More Powerful Than Hate? Free Essay Example
For example, when you're on a relationship and the guy finds out you're cheating on him, if he loves you so much he'll probably get very angry and ager leads to hate, or he'll let it go. In depends on the person. Everyone has a different meaning for love and hate. Hate is destructive, not powerful. Love can destruct hate.
Love is more Powerful than Hatred
This essay will discuss the concept that love is more powerful than hatred. It will explore various perspectives and examples from literature, history, and personal experiences that illustrate the transformative and enduring power of love over hatred. PapersOwl showcases more free essays that are examples of Behavior.
Can Love Really Overcome Hate?
In less than a century, the mighty British Empire went from ruling a quarter of the earth, to becoming a minor player on the world stage, ceding world-power status to the United States, its ...
In the beginning, there was love. We can move with its power
In mystical Islamic traditions, love is similarly comprehended as an external power more than an emotion. For the Sufi, love forces believers, who are called lovers, out of themselves towards the Beloved, who is God. Even Stoicism was originally a discipline for discovering that the world is shaped by the Logos, or active word of creative love.
The strength to choose love over hate
King's love required strength—even defiance in the pursuit of justice and equity. He explained why the bible commands us to love our enemies, how hatred disconnects us from our community and humanity, and he encouraged his congregation to "meet physical force with soul force.". King understood his notion of love would seem contradictory ...
The Power Of Love And Hate: A Tale Of Two Emotions
Hate, when channeled constructively, can fuel movements for social justice, gender equality, human rights, and liberation. Both love and hate possess immense power, but it is the choices we make that determine how we wield these emotions. We can choose love over hate, embrace empathy over prejudice, and foster understanding over division.
"Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." Dr. Martin Luther
Is love more powerful than hate? Love is a powerful force in the universe. That much is true. What's unclear is just how powerful love is and whether it can and should be used as a tool to combat hate. Some say hate must be met with more of the same and that confrontation is the onlly reliable strategy to change human behavior for the better.
Essay: Theme of love being stronger than hate: A Tale Of Two Cities
Download the full version above. The theme of love being stronger than hate is illustrated in the novel A Tale Of Two Cities by Charles Dickens which takes place in France and England during the French Revolution. Charles Dickens demonstrates how Sydney Carton makes his decisions based on love for the benefit of others and himself and Madame ...
Essay about love and hate
One is perceived as negative and the other positive. This is the biggest difference between both love and hate. Love is seen as a positive and constructive emotion, whereas hate is seen as a negative and destructive emotion. One is tied to negative actions and one tied to positive actions. There are things such as loving/hateful acts and things ...
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The Power of Love Love is the best antidepressant—but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel.
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Below are seven keys to keep strong: 1. Take Care of Yourself. "Bullies win when you're upset.". — NCAB. When the latest news gets you down, turn off the TV and internet. Go for a walk ...
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The Comparison of Love and Hate Essay Example
Love is an emotion that lifts people's spirits and makes you cheerful , while hate on the other hand leads you to unhappiness, destruction, and damage. Love is truly stronger. Love shows superiority against hate in many ways. According to the play Romeo and Juliet, Son of Charleston Shooting video, the Power of Love article, and the short ...
Is Love More Powerful Than Hate?
Love is powerful and it riles up all types of reactions; Love is especially threatening to existing power structures that would continue taking advantage of, make it ok, or promote that "the ends justify the means," that "beliefs matter more than people" and that "win/lose" is the best we can expect. I have always stood for Love but ...
Love is more powerful than hate.
Love might be more potent than hatred, as the song states, "Hatred would never, even metaphorically, develop love.". Love is more powerful because it brings fresh, satisfying difficulties ...
(DOC) speech love is powerfull than hate
Love is powerful because it drives, navigates, directs, and makes our existence meaningful. Hate invites loneliness, whereas love denies it. Hate ruins personality, whereas love builds ego identity. Hate results in acts of violence, whereas love leads to amazing acts of kindness. Hate destroys, whereas love creates.
Nine Ways Love Can Be Powerful
10 ways love can be powerful. There are many ways you may find power in loving yourself and others, including the following. 1. Accepting yourself and others. When you love someone, you might accept them for who they are and feel forgiving of their flaws. You can also feel acceptance toward yourself.
How is the theme "love is stronger than hate" emphasized in A Tale of
Carton exhibits true Christian love: "There is no greater love than than to lay down one's life for another." (John15:13) As a result of Carton's heroic sacrifice, Charles Darnay and his family ...
Free Essay: Why Love Is More Powerful Than Hate
Love may be more powerful than hate because, as it was in the song, love can lead to hate, whereas hate never, even metaphorically, produces love. Love is more powerful because it gives birth to new positive challenges. Love changes a person, enriches the world, extends the horizons, enhances opportunities, brightens friendships, and deepens ...
20136thGrade2ndPlace
Love can be more powerful than hate because love can end violence, make others do lovable things, inspire creations. Also since love is a much sweeter emotion, people become more attracted to it. Love is so powerful that when you feel love towards someone, it will make you do lovable things instead of hateful things. Love also has the power to ...