love and marriage easy essay

Pride and Prejudice: Love and Marriage Theme

Though, marriage is the end of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice , yet it evolves more than the conclusion of a simple love story. There is a depth, variety and seriousness in Jane’s treatment of these topics.

Marriage was an important social concern in Jane Austen’s time and she was fully aware of the disadvantages of remaining single. In a letter to her niece, Fanny Knight, she wrote:

Single women have a dreadful propensity for being poor – which is a very strong argument in favour of matrimony.

The only option for unmarried woman in Jane Austen’s time was to care for someone else’s children as Jane Austen herself did; as there were no outlets for women.

The novels of Jane Austen’s – especially Pride and Prejudice – dramatize the economic inequality of women, showing how women had to marry undesirable mates in order to gain some financial security.

The theme of love and marriage is one of the major themes in Pride and Prejudice . Through five marriages, Jane Austen defines good and bad reasons for marriage. Charlotte – Collins, Lydia – Wickham, Jane – Bingley and Elizabeth – Darcy are the four newly-weds. The old marriage is that of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet.

Mrs. and Mr. Bennet are poles apart in their natural attitude . Mr. Bennet is sharp and witty. Mrs. Bennet is vulgar and discreet. Together they constitute a very ill-matched couple.

Her father, captivated by youth and beauty … had married a woman whose weak understanding and liberal mind had very early in their marriage put an end to all real affection for her.

Mr. Bennet married for beauty. Soon he realized that Mrs. Bennet, due to her intellectual bankruptcy and narrow vision, would not make him an ideal wife.

Mr. and Mrs. Bennet never enjoyed the marital bliss of emotional and intellectual understanding. The gulf between them had widened. Mr. Bennet becomes lazy and irresponsible and an odd mixture of ‘sarcastic humour, and caprice’. He mocks Mrs. Bennet and exposes her to the scorn of their five daughters. The disadvantages of such marriage attend the daughters also. Elizabeth and Jane become what they are almost. Mary becomes a vain. Lydia grows into a selfish and deceitful flirt who elopes with a selfish and corrupt rake. The stupid and weak-spirited Kitty follows Lydia’s example and flirts with the military officers.

Charlotte and Collins are the first to get married. Collins, after, having a very good house and very sufficient income, intends to marry. He visits the Bennets to choose a wife among the Bennet girls. He sets out in detail his reasons for marriage:

First … it a right thing for every clergyman in easy circumstances to set the example of matrimony in his parish. Secondly … it will add very greatly to my happiness, and thirdly … that is particular advice and recommendation of the very noble lady whom I have the honour of calling patroness.

Mr. Collins does not have any respect and affection for the girl he intends to marry. So, Elizabeth declines the proposal. Collins shifts contentedly to Charlotte who is herself eager to accept his proposal.

Mr. Collins … was neither sensible nor agreeable … But still he would be her husband … marriage had always been her object; it was the only honourable provision for well-educated young women of small fortune.

Obviously Charlotte also does not think of love. She accepts Mr. Collins under economic pressure, knowing that she is going to marry an ass. Elizabeth is shocked at Charlotte’s engagement. Charlotte defends herself by saying:

I am not romantic you know. I never was. I ask only a comfortable home.

The next to be married are Wickham and Lydia. They elope before they get married. Compatibility and understanding are once again absent. Lydia is captivated by the external glamour of Wickham’s personality. She thinks, she is in love with him but she is only infatuated.

They were always moving from place to place in quest of a cheep situation, and always spending more then they ought. His affection for her soon sunk into indifference; hers lasted a little longer.

Jane and Bingley are sincerely in love with each other. Between them exists a great emotional compatibility. By nature, both are sweet and gentle, free from malice, ill will, affectation and duplicity, calm, unsuspecting, simple and willing to forgive readily. There is every likelihood that they will lead a happy married life.

Still, their marriage is timidly weak. Bingley is too weak-willed that in spite of loving Jane deeply, he does not take any initiative. Their temperamental harmony lacks the strengthening support of intellectual understanding and maturity.

Still they will be happy because Bingley is too good to offend consciously and Jane is too good not to forgive even any offense.

Elizabeth marries last and most desirably. When Darcy makes his first proposal, he had no doubts of a favourable answer. He acted as if he was offering prize which no sensible woman can refuse.

All the other characters believe Darcy to be a prize and that Elizabeth is falling for his wealth. Elizabeth rejects his proposal but accepts it for the second time.

Elizabeth and Darcy begin with prejudices and gradually move towards understanding. Elizabeth helps Darcy to shed his pride and be really the gentleman. Darcy in turn acts nobly and generously to win her love. Mutual affection and regards developed between them that form the basis of a sound marriage.

It was a union that must have been to the advantage of both.

Elizabeth has to assure that she loves and respects Darcy. Love and respect count most in a marital union, and having secured both, Elizabeth does not make any false or exaggerated statement when she says half-mockingly:

It is settled between us already that we are to be the happiest couple in the world.

Thus it is true that the chief preoccupation of Jane Austen’s heroines is getting married and life is a matrimonial game as women in her times had no other option of business or profession open to them. However, marriage is not treated merely as a romantic end. Rather it is dealt with a depth variety and seriousness to highlight ‘good’ marriage based on mutual understanding, love, good sense and respect.

Essays About Love and Relationships: Top 5 Examples

Love, romance, and relationships are just as complicated and messy as they are fascinating. Read our guide on essays about love and relationships.

We, as humans, are social beings. Humanity is inclined towards living with others of our kind and forming relationships with them. Love, whether in a romantic context or otherwise, is essential to a strong relationship with someone. It can be used to describe familial, friendly, or romantic relationships; however, it most commonly refers to romantic partners. 

Love and relationships are difficult to understand, but with effort, devotion, and good intentions, they can blossom into something beautiful that will stay with you for life. This is why it is important to be able to discern wisely when choosing a potential partner.

5 Essay Examples

1. love and marriage by kannamma shanmugasundaram, 2. what my short-term relationships taught me about love and life by aaron zhu, 3. true love waits by christine barrett, 4. choosing the right relationship by robert solley, 5. masters of love by emily esfahani smith, 1. what is a healthy romantic relationship, 2. a favorite love story, 3. relationship experiences, 4. lessons relationships can teach you, 5. love and relationships in the 21st century, 6. is marriage necessary for true love.

“In successful love marriages, couples have to learn to look past these imperfections and remember the reasons why they married each other in the first place. They must be able to accept the fact that neither one of them is perfect. Successful love marriages need to set aside these superior, seemingly impossible expectations and be willing to compromise, settling for some good and some bad.”

Shanmugasundaram’s essay looks at marriage in Eastern Cultures, such as her Indian traditions, in which women have less freedom and are often forced into arranged marriages. Shanmugasundaram discusses her differing views with her parents over marriage; they prefer to stick to tradition while she, influenced by Western values, wants to choose for herself. Ultimately, she has compromised with her parents: they will have a say in who she marries, but it will be up to her to make the final decision. She will only marry who she loves. 

“There is no forever, I’ve been promised forever by so many exes that it’s as meaningless to me as a homeless person promising me a pot of gold. From here on out, I’m no longer looking for promises of forever, what I want is the promise that you’ll try your best and you’ll be worth it. Don’t promise me forever, promise me that there will be no regrets.”

In Zhu’s essay, he reflects on his lessons regarding love and relationships. His experiences with past partners have taught him many things, including self-worth and the inability to change others. Most interestingly, however, he believes that “forever” does not exist and that going into a relationship, they should commit to as long as possible, not “forever.” Furthermore, they should commit to making the relationship worthwhile without regret. 

“For life is a constant change, love is the greatest surprise, friendship is your best defense, maturity comes with responsibility and death is just around the corner, so, expect little, assume nothing, learn from your mistakes, never fail to have faith that true love waits, take care of your friends, treasure your family, moderate your pride and throw up all hatred for God opens millions of flowers without forcing the buds, reminding us not to force our way but to wait for true love to happen perfectly in His time.”

Barrett writes about how teenagers often feel the need to be in a relationship or feel “love” as soon as possible. But unfortunately, our brains are not fully matured in our teenage years, so we are more likely to make mistakes. Barrett discourages teenagers from dating so early; she believes that they should let life take its course and enjoy life at the moment. Her message is that they shouldn’t be in a rush to grow up, for true love will come to those who are patient. You might also be interested in these essays about commitment and essays about girlfriends .

“A paucity of common interests gets blamed when relationships go south, but they are rarely the central problem. Nonetheless, it is good to have some — mostly in terms of having enough in common that there are things that you enjoy spending time doing together. The more important domains to consider are personality and values, and when it comes to personality, the key question is how does your potential partner handle stress.”

Solley, from a more psychological perspective, gives tips on how one can choose the ideal person to be in a relationship with. Love is a lifetime commitment, so much thought should be put into it. One should look at culture, values regarding spending money, and common interests. Solley believes that you should not always look for someone with the same interests, for what makes a relationship interesting is the partners’ differences and how they look past them. 

“There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think about it as a fixed trait: Either you have it or you don’t. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle. In some people, that muscle is naturally stronger than in others, but it can grow stronger in everyone with exercise. Masters tend to think about kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it to keep it in shape. They know, in other words, that a good relationship requires sustained hard work.”

Smith discusses research conducted over many years that explains the different aspects of a relationship, including intimacy, emotional strength, and kindness. She discusses kindness in-depth, saying that a relationship can test your kindness, but you must be willing to work to be kind if you love your partner. You might also be interested in these essays about divorce .

6 Writing Prompts On Essays About Love and Relationships

Everyone has a different idea of what makes a great relationship. For example, some prioritize assertiveness in their partner, while others prefer a calmer demeanor. You can write about different qualities and habits that a healthy, respectful relationship needs, such as quality time and patience. If you have personal experience, reflect on this as well; however, if you don’t, write about what you would hope from your future partner. 

Love and relationships have been an essential element in almost every literary work, movie, and television show; an example of each would be Romeo and Juliet , The Fault in Our Stars , and Grey’s Anatomy . Even seemingly unrelated movies, such as the Star Wars and Lord of the Rings franchises, have a romantic component. Describe a love story of your choice; explain its plot, characters, and, most importantly, how the theme of love and relationships is present. 

If you have been in a romantic relationship before, or if you are in one currently, reflect on your experience. Why did you pursue this relationship? Explore your relationship’s positive and negative sides and, if applicable, how it ended. If not, write about how you will try and prevent the relationship from ending.

All our experiences in life form us, relationships included. In your essay, reflect on ways romantic relationships can teach you new things and make you better; consider values such as self-worth, patience, and positivity. Then, as with the other prompts, use your personal experiences for a more interesting essay. Hou might find our guide on how to write a vow helpful.

How love, romance, and relationships are perceived has changed dramatically in recent years; from the nuclear family, we have seen greater acceptance of same-sex relationships, blended families, and relationships with more than two partners—research on how the notion of romantic relationships has changed and discuss this in your essay. 

More and more people in relationships are deciding not to get married. For a strong argumentative essay, discuss whether you agree with the idea that true love does not require marriage, so it is fine not to get married in the first place. Research the arguments of both sides, then make your claim. 

Check out our guide packed full of transition words for essays . If you’re still stuck, check out our general resource of essay writing topics .

Martin is an avid writer specializing in editing and proofreading. He also enjoys literary analysis and writing about food and travel.

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Is Love Really Essential to Marriage?

We ask ourselves to fall in love many times, always with the same person..

Posted April 7, 2014 | Reviewed by Davia Sills

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"We all have a childhood dream that when there is love, everything goes like silk, but the reality is that marriage requires a lot of compromise." — Raquel Welch

The notion that "love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage" is still widespread, but the arguments against it are gaining strength. Addressing such arguments requires clarifying what we mean by profound love.

The Recent Connection Between Love and Marriage

"The older I get, the less time I want to spend with the part of the human race that didn't marry me." — Robert Brault

The prevailing ideal that passionate love is essential in marriage is actually recently new. In her book on the history of marriage, Stephanie Coontz (2005) shows that this ideal became prevalent only about two centuries ago: "People have always fallen in love, and throughout the ages, many couples have loved each other deeply. But only rarely in history has love been seen as the main reason for getting married.” Coontz further argues that "in many cultures, love has been seen as a desirable outcome of marriage but not as a good reason for getting married in the first place."

Similarly, Pascal Bruckner (2013) argues that in the past, marriage was sacred, and love, if it existed at all, was a kind of bonus. Now that love has come to be seen as essential in marriage, love is perceived as sacred, and marriage as secondary.

Accordingly, the number of marriages has been declining, while divorces, unmarried partners, and single-parent families are increasing. Bruckner notes that love has triumphed over marriage, but now may be destroying it from within.

Considering passionate romantic love as essential in marriage has upgraded the value of marriage, making it a top priority in our lives. It has also, however, made marriages more volatile and uncertain. The issue of whether to leave a marriage in which love is not passionate becomes alarmingly central for many couples, and romantic compromises become a major concern.

Objections to the Connection

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late." — Max Kauffman

There are two major types of objections to considering love as the essence of marriage:

1. Marriage is a framework of living that includes other important factors besides love.

2. Passionate love is a relatively short-term experience in our lives, and so the long-term aspects of love are of greater importance.

The first set of objections indicates that marriage is a social framework that exists within certain socioeconomic circumstances—and that the well-being of the couple requires this fact to be taken into account. The second set of objections suggests that passionate love is unstable, exciting, and brief—and that this is contrary to the stable, routine, and long-term nature of marriage. The combination of these objections leads to the claim that considering love as the essence of marriage is bound to lead to disappointments and romantic compromises.

It is obvious that as a framework of living, there is more to marriage (or to other types of committed relationships) than just love. Getting married should take into account additional aspects—for example, whether a partner is likely to be a good provider and a good parent. Indeed, throughout history, marriage has been regarded as a kind of "deal" that should improve, or at least not harm, either person's status or economic wealth. (For this reason, despite a variety of stories on the Cinderella theme, marrying "below oneself" has typically been infrequent.) Marrying for love may make a person blind to these additional aspects—there's a saying that, "He who marries for love has good nights and bad days." Coontz notes that the Enlightenment gave rise to the view that "love developed slowly, out of admiration, respect, and appreciation of someone's good character."

Socioeconomic considerations are related to all kinds of external circumstances that carry weight in the decision to get married. In our society, it appears that the value of such considerations is decreasing while that of love is increasing. The importance of love for both the establishment and the maintenance of marriage is greatest in Western and Westernized nations, which tend to have higher economic standards of living, higher marriage and divorce rates, and lower fertility rates (Berscheid, 2010).

In light of the general improvement in living conditions in modern society, it's understandable that the value of socioeconomic advantages is given less weight than that of love. However, these advantages have not disappeared—they have become part of the factors that increase love. It is easier for many to fall in love with people who have a higher socioeconomic status; to them, these people appear to be more desirable and therefore sexually attractive. Although the socioeconomic considerations for marriage may be losing ground as more people are able to maintain and even improve their socioeconomic situation without them, external circumstances still influence the decision to form any committed relationship, including marriage.

I believe that all of the above objections can be met once we distinguish between intense and profound love.

Establishing the Connection

"There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly "taken-for-granted" relationship." — Iris Murdoch

Establishing the connection between love and marriage requires the distinction between the acute emotion of intense passionate love and the enduring emotion of profound love. The enduring emotion does not merely consist of experiencing a given acute emotion repeatedly — it also shapes our attitudes and behavior in a permanent way. A flash of intense sexual desire might last for a very short time, but profound love resonates constantly, coloring our moods, our demeanor, and the way we relate to time and space.

Romantic intensity expresses the momentary value of acute emotions. Romantic profundity embodies frequent acute occurrences of intense love over long periods of time, along with a life experience that resonates in all dimensions, helping the individuals flourish and thrive. Romantic profundity involves shared activities which fulfill essential needs that foster a couple's long-term flourishing. The profundity of a romantic experience is different from how intensely it is felt. A short sexual desire may be more intense than a longer experience of romantic love, but it is less profound (Ben-Ze'ev, 2019.

The above objections to considering love as the essence of marriage are valid concerning the acute emotion of intense, passionate love—but not concerning enduring profound love. In a Psychology Today post on why marrying for love is not wise , Susan Pease Gadoua suggested three reasons:

1. Love is a changeable emotion.

2. Love does not make for a strong enough foundation.

3. Love is far from “all you need.”

I believe that the notion of profound love can persuasively meet these objections.

1. Intense passionate love is indeed a short-term emotion, depending to a great extent on changeable circumstances—but enduring profound love can last for many years.

2. It is true that intense, passionate love, limited in scope, does not provide a strong enough foundation for living together for many years; however, profound love, based upon a profound compatibility between two lovers, enables them to share many activities together and to promote their flourishing.

3. Intense passionate love is indeed far from "all you need," but profound love nurtures each lover's flourishing as well as their common flourishing. In this sense, it enables the two to fulfill other needs as well. In this context, Augustine's claim—"Love, and do what you will"—is quite proper. In profound love, all activities will naturally nurture the lovers' flourishing.

Marrying a person on the basis of merely intense passionate love while ignoring, say, the person's low intelligence or lack of kindness may be considered in the short run as a very romantic decision. However, when long-term considerations of profundity are taken into account, the decision will typically prove to be a romantic disaster, involving misery and the feeling of having made a romantic compromise.

Love should have a central place in our life and our decision to marry or enter into other types of committed relationships. However, long-term happiness and meaningfulness cannot be based upon intense passion alone, but should involve profound love, which includes shared activities and profound care and reciprocity, as well as at least a moderate level of intensity.

As Mignon McLaughlin put it: "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

Ben-Ze’ev, A. (2019). The arc of love: How our romantic lives change over time . University of Chicago Press.

Berscheid, E. (2010). Love in the fourth dimension. Annual Review of Psychology, 61 , 1-25.

Bruckner, P. (2013). Has marriage for love failed? Polity.

Coontz, S. (2005). Marriage, a history . Viking.

Coontz, S. (2005). Marriage, a history: From obedience to intimacy or how love conquered marriage. New York: Viking.

Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., former President of the University of Haifa, is a professor of philosophy. His books include The Arc of Love: How Our Romantic Lives Change Over Time.

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Essay #2 – “Love and Marriage”

By kannamma shanmugasundaram '99.

Managing and Valuing Cultural Diversity

Dating has been mentioned as the training ground for building a marriage relationship, for learning how to relate to someone of the opposite sex. While dating, people learn early that once they don’t like someone, they can drop them. This not only hurts others but…can possibly cause young people to learn that once they don’t like what they see in another person, they then can get out of the relationship…In marriage, one can’t be thinking like that, or everyone would…[be] divorcing. Unfortunately, this is already happening.

~ Jay Lang, Online Bulletin Board

Then most non-Asians hear of arranged marriages, they think of instances where individuals are sworn over to each other, never meeting until the day of the wedding. Such a custom is often looked upon with doubt and inhibitions, wariness and disbelief. “How can you marry someone you’ve never met?” “What happens if you don’t love them?” I have been fortunate enough to be witness to both love marriages-the kind more common in the United States-and arranged marriages—which are quite common in India. There are advantages and disadvantages to each. 1 have also been able to quell a great many of the misconceptions that may arise regarding one or the other. Arranged marriages have been the custom in India for many centuries, and are still practiced to this day. It is an arrangement between families, however, not between individuals. It is not entered into blindly, as many may think. Instead, a family, usually the groom’s, will send a go-between (usually a trusted family friend) to investigate any potential bride’s family. The go-between finds out information not only about the woman but about her family as well. In India, it is believed that marriage not only connects two individuals, but both of their families as well, and therefore it is imperative that both be of good status. Financial standing, medical history, and social class are all investigated. In addition, both the boy’s and the girls (for this usually occurs while both individuals are in their mid to late teens) astrological signs are examined to ensure compatibility.

Once the two young families have met, they set up a meeting at the girl’s house so that the boy’s family can actually meet the girl. In preparation for this visit, more information regarding the girl and her family is disclosed. Is she willing to adapt to any differences that may arise in the boy’s family pattern of living? In India, equality between the sexes is far from reality. Women are expected to leave their families, in a sense, adopting the man’s family as her own. She is to obey her mother-in-law, serving her and conforming to her expectations. She is also to serve her husband in all of them to cook, clean, care for the children, and stay at home. The man is expected to provide for her and protect her.

The caste system was especially powerful in earlier generations, and although not as common to many, it still plays a large role in possible matrimonial unifications between families in India. Marriage between social classes is frowned upon, and with this in mind, it is of little surprise to discover that many arranged marriages arc inbred.

Not much has changed in Indian society today, although the rules of arranged marriages have acquired some flexibility. Now the bride and groom are allowed to speak before the wedding and in some cases, are even allowed to go out once or twice unchaperoned. In addition, some women are even allowed to reject the choices of their parents. In the past, what die parents decreed was required to have been executed. Now, however, tradition is making way for new Western ways of thinking.

Actual “love” marriages are more common than before, yet they continue to exist only in a small portion of India’s high-class urban residents. Perhaps the most famous Indian love marriage was that of the late Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi, who married Sonia, an Italian woman. These types of marriages are increasingly popular as college students seek freedom and their own individuality. The Western ideals of modernization and independence have resulted in “liberal attitudes toward mate selection among the college students,” according to one 1973 survey.

Surprisingly, love marriages were not common in the United States until about three hundred years ago. According to the book, May You Be the Mother of a Hundred Sons by Elisabeth Bumiller, it has only come about as a result of “courtly love in the Middle Ages and also from the impact of Christianity.” This Anglo-Saxon religion is thought to have “deepened the bond between husband and wife by likening it to the relationship between man and God.”

Perhaps the most crucial element in understanding the difference between an arranged marriage and a love marriage is the respective society’s differences in defining the concept of “love.” Most Americans are familiar with the phrase “falling in love.” There are those, however, who question the truth in this common term. What exactly is “love?” Can one “fall in love?” What about “love at first sight?” Does it exist? Can someone learn to love another? This final question provides the meat and truth to the surprisingly incredible success of arranged marriages. Being exposed a great deal to the culture of tire United States, I have learned that romance and dating in this country are all about expectations. People are asked, “What do you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend?” and a list of required qualities is rattled off. If someone does not fit those qualities, they are deemed unacceptable. “Well, I like him as a friend, but….”

In an arranged marriage, no expectations exist except for mutual respect. Neither the bride nor the groom, has had a chance to really “get to know” the other. After all, what happens in most Western marriages or relationships? Initially, there is an intense admiration and respect for each other. Usually, positive characteristics arc emphasized and focused on. Negative traits are ignored, overlooked, or brushed aside. Then, the more time you spend with someone, the more you begin to notice little things about them that annoy you. The way they leave the cap off the toothpaste or the way they never put their duty clothes in the hamper becomes irritating.

In successful love marriages, couples have to learn to look past these imperfections and remember the reasons why they married each other in the first place. They must be able to accept the fact that neither one of them is perfect. Successful love marriages need to set aside these superior, seemingly impossible expectations and be willing to compromise, settling for some good and some bad. If you don’t know anything about the person, you begin to sec both his/her positives and Ms/her negatives at the same time, making the situation slightly more tolerable. Since I have never been in a relationship (love or arranged), I may not be the most ideal person to make such a statement. From what I have observed of others in relationships, this seems to often be the case. With fewer expectations, there are fewer disappointments.

This brings us to another reason why the Western culture often looks with disapproval upon the ancient tradition of arranged marriages. Even a general overview of the Western cultures show that they tend to emphasize independence and the sense of “leaving the nest.” Parents seem to be respected in a much more visible way in most Eastern cultures, as we see a greater occurrence of extended and nuclear families living under the same roof. Perhaps this is why Eastern cultures tend to be more open to the concept of having their parents arrange their marriage. There is a greater sense of respect and reverence towards elders in the Eastern cultures.

Falling in love is often said to actually be falling in “lust” or “awe.” Immediate physical attraction can blind a person to the faults of another. Many love marriages are based on this physical attraction. Note not all love marriages, but many. Physical attraction certainly doesn’t play as immediate and as large a role in arranged marriages. I personally have found the phrase “beauty comes from the inside” to be true, almost literally. I have friends who some may not find attractive, that even 1, upon first meeting them, did not consider to be particularly good looking. However, after knowing them, finding out more about their personalities, and the goodness of their character, 1 have honestly been able to see them in a new light, and they seem more beautiful to me physically as well. This seems to support the theory that arranged marriages’ successes are based on: love is a growing process and an emotion that is acquired. Love isn’t necessarily what individuals raised in the Western frame of thought assume it to be.

My personal opinion on arranged marriages has certainly changed; I feel it has matured. I once thought that love marriages were the best way to truly get to know the person you would be spending the rest of your life with. It would be extremely difficult going into a marriage, not knowing anything about the person, and expected to live together for the rest of your lives. I must admit, it was a very close-minded perspective.

Lately, however, as I have grown older, and closer to the “normal” age of marriage (in India women are usually married by the time they are 30), my opinions have broadened. The first prospect of marriage for me occurred with my grandmother when I was 14. She had mentioned that I would soon come of age (approximately 16 years for Indian girls) and that it was time to start looking for a husband for me. I remember turning to my mother in shock and disbelief. My mother only shook her head. “No, we won’t be doing that for awhile.” But the implications were clear. Eventually, they would. They would look for someone for me. They weren’t expecting me to find someone on my own.

My parents’ marriage was not an arranged marriage, although I believe that by Western standards, it is considered to be an “inbred” relationship. My parents are actually first cousins. My father had approached my mother’s father (his uncle) requesting to marry my mother, and then he had gone to talk to my mother. My mother had ignored his calls and letters because she thought it would be improper of her to respond to a man’s courtship without having her father’s approval first (she didn’t realize that my father had already spoken to her father). My parent’s marriage is not perfect, but then no one’s really is, right?

“Separation” by Sarah Phillips

After graduating from high school, the topic was brought up again. My parents are not in any hurry to find a suitable mate for me, but they are certainly keeping their eyes and ears peeled, as are the rest of my relatives. Most Westerners (myself included at one time) question their parents’ motives. “Do they not trust me?” “How do they know what kind of person I am looking for?” “Just because they pick someone they like doesn’t mean I will like them.” These doubts ran through my mind initially as well. Yet from what I’ve read and what I’ve experienced, parents only want what is best for their child. They want someone who is not only financially sound but someone who will respect and take care of their child as well. We trusted our parents to care for us when we were infants, when we become adults, we lose an element of this trust. I think part of the reason this is so hard to do, especially in the Western world is that there is such an emphasis on independence. Young people get used to being “on their own,” thinking for themselves. They do not feel secure having their future decided for them, and therefore want the selection of their mate to be a decision they make for themselves.

The unique thing about my situation is that if I were to go with an arranged marriage, I would cling to my Western views of female independence. I know my parents understand the influence that growing up in a Western/American society has had on me. I have a free spirit and enjoy my independence. I would not be happy staying at home, playing the “traditional” female role, and my parents understand that and are taking that into consideration when searching for a suitable groom. They are looking for someone who will be able to provide for me, but at the same time, someone who will allow me to further my career if that is what I choose to do.

This is a wonderful example of the differences in thinking and teaching styles of the Western culture, as opposed to the Eastern culture. The key to understanding both types of marriage is being able to keep an open mind and understanding the source of the difference of opinions. I feel that another key way to do that is to find a way to compromise, as my parents and I have done, compromising the best of both worlds, so to speak. We maintain the traditional respect in terms of allowing the parents to choose the mate, but also letting the son or daughter make the final decision and maintain a sense of their valued freedom.

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The Benefits of Marriage Essay

From many social constructs, marriage has been one of the most common throughout the centuries. There are multiple debates and controversies over the relevance of marriage and its comparison to cohabitation. However, it still has its weight and importance nowadays despite new ways and types of relationships that exclude the possibility of marriage. This essay aims to identify the benefits of marriage, compare the level of happiness between married couples and cohabitors and analyze the conditions that contribute to the marriage advantage.

Marriage, in particular ways, has many benefits that contribute to people’s health, wealth, and, most importantly, happiness. Every aspect connects, but everything begins with happiness. Individuals who are satisfied with their lives, careers, hobbies, and interpersonal connections are more likely to enter the relationships that eventually lead to marriage. Despite the popular opinion that individualism does not comply with marriage, the persons who acknowledge their inner nature and achieve full self-realization have better chances of building strong and happy relationships in the marriage framework. Once two loving people align, they become stronger and more grounded since they share all the good and bad that life brings.

Firstly, spouses usually integrate their incomes and create the typical family budget to cover all the expenses and have meaning for living. Moreover, the fact that people got married indicates that they probably have already had financial stability. Commonly, couples with lower income or those in poverty tend to avoid marriage and live as cohabitors. Secondly, since the individuals live together and their relationships are officially registered, they can take proper care and support each other if one spouse gets sick or gains some disease. Furthermore, in case of an emergency, the other person has all legal rights to manage the health and life of the loved one.

It is also worth mentioning that couples who decide not to get married and have their relationships in the status of the cohabitors experience happiness and deep emotional connections as well. However, there are specific differences between married people and those who, for some reason, preferred to stay as cohabitors. Unmarried couples have more time for social life, interactions and meeting with many different people, attendance of cultural events, and overall more opportunities to explore the world. While cohabitors have wider borders of interaction, spouses keep more focus inside of the family. Their perception of the world is more narrow, but they still feel joy due to the family’s safety and stability.

Nevertheless, marriage is not always a happy place or an act of great romantic love between people. Depending on various aspects such as phycological, financial, and demographical, the concept of marriage can significantly differ. It is reasonable to notice that in the more developed countries the amount of happy and prosperous families can be higher than in the Third World counties. Due to social and material privileges, people from progressive counties have more freedom and opportunities to control their partner’s choices and further develop the relationship.

Overall, marriage is the concept of relationships between people that implies the people’s initial satisfaction with their lives and personal achievements, which allows them to choose a partner and build a family together freely. Those who decide to be together in cohabitors also experience a happy and deep bond but less material stability and more focus on the outer world. However, marriage is not the key to happy, stable family life because the state and development of the alliance depend on different factors such as location, wealth, and education.

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Essay on Love Marriage

Students are often asked to write an essay on Love Marriage in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Love Marriage

Introduction.

Love marriage is a union where two individuals marry because of the love they share. Unlike arranged marriages, love marriages are based on affection and mutual understanding.

Understanding Love Marriage

In a love marriage, the couple knows each other well before marriage. They share a bond of friendship, understanding, and mutual respect. This familiarity can lead to a stronger marital relationship.

Advantages of Love Marriage

Love marriages allow freedom of choice, ensuring compatibility and happiness. It promotes equality, as the decision is mutual. It also reduces the chances of conflicts later.

Disadvantages of Love Marriage

Love marriages may face social stigma and opposition. Sometimes, the initial attraction may fade, leading to problems.

Love marriages have their pros and cons. They are about companionship, understanding, and mutual respect. However, they also require patience and understanding to overcome challenges.

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• Advantages and Disadvantages of Love Marriage

250 Words Essay on Love Marriage

Love marriage, a concept that has gained considerable acceptance in contemporary society, is a marriage based on mutual affection and commitment. Unlike arranged marriages, love marriages are built on the foundation of shared experiences, compatibility, and profound understanding.

Evolution of Love Marriages

Historically, marriages were primarily arranged, serving socio-economic purposes rather than personal fulfillment. However, the rise of individualism and personal liberty led to the evolution of love marriages. They symbolize the freedom to choose one’s life partner based on emotional connection rather than societal norms.

Advantages of Love Marriages

Love marriages come with a plethora of advantages. The couple, having spent considerable time together before marriage, understands each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and life goals. This understanding fosters compatibility, reducing potential conflict. Furthermore, love marriages often promote equality as the relationship is not burdened by societal expectations.

Challenges in Love Marriages

Despite the advantages, love marriages can face various challenges. They may encounter societal resistance, particularly in traditional societies. Additionally, the initial romantic love may fade over time, potentially leading to disillusionment.

In conclusion, love marriages, while not without challenges, offer a path to a fulfilling life partnership based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared life goals. As society continues to evolve, it is crucial to respect individual choices, be it love marriage or arranged, acknowledging that the essence of a successful marriage lies in mutual commitment and understanding.

500 Words Essay on Love Marriage

Introduction to love marriage.

Love marriage denotes a marital union where the individuals choose their partners out of affection and mutual respect, rather than familial or societal pressure. In many cultures, it is a relatively recent concept, challenging the age-old traditions of arranged marriages.

The Evolution of Love Marriage

Historically, marriages were primarily arranged to maintain social order, familial ties, and economic stability. Love, though desired, was not a prerequisite. However, the advent of modernism and individualism led to the rise of love marriages. It symbolizes a shift from societal obligations towards personal choice and emotional fulfillment.

The Dynamics of Love Marriage

In a love marriage, the relationship begins much before the wedding. The couple has the opportunity to understand each other’s personalities, likes, dislikes, and expectations. This prior knowledge helps to establish a strong foundation based on mutual compatibility.

Despite the romantic appeal, love marriages are not devoid of challenges. The initial euphoria of romance may fade over time, leading to disillusionment. Moreover, couples may face opposition from their families, especially in societies where traditional norms still hold strong sway.

The Balance of Independence and Compromise

Love marriages often require a delicate balance between independence and compromise. While the couple has the freedom to make their own decisions, they also need to make adjustments to ensure harmony. This balance can be difficult to achieve, but it is crucial for the success of the marriage.

Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage

The debate between love marriage and arranged marriage is complex. While love marriages offer freedom of choice and emotional compatibility, arranged marriages provide familial support and shared cultural background. Both have their pros and cons, and the success of a marriage largely depends on the individuals involved and their commitment to each other.

The Future of Love Marriages

The future of love marriages looks promising. With society becoming more accepting of individual choices, the stigma associated with love marriages is gradually fading. Furthermore, the increasing emphasis on emotional well-being and personal fulfillment is likely to further boost the prevalence of love marriages.

In conclusion, love marriages represent a significant cultural shift towards individual choice and emotional satisfaction in marital relationships. They come with their own set of challenges, but also offer the potential for a deeply fulfilling partnership based on mutual understanding and respect. Despite the ongoing debate between love and arranged marriages, it is ultimately the individuals’ commitment, understanding, and love for each other that determines the success of a marriage.

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Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Arranged Marriage — Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage

Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage

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Words: 858 |

Published: Aug 24, 2023

Words: 858 | Pages: 2 | 5 min read

Table of contents

Cultural and historical context, personal autonomy and choice, family involvement and matchmaking, romantic compatibility and emotional connection, long-term compatibility and cultural alignment, relationship dynamics and communication, challenges and opportunities, marital satisfaction and relationship outcomes, modern trends and hybrid approaches, conclusion: navigating the complex landscape of marriage choices.

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Love Marriage | Essay | Advantages & Disadvantages | PDF Download

December 2, 2017 by Study Mentor Leave a Comment

Love marriage is not a relatively new event in our culture. It has been practised for a considerable length of time yet the occurrences of such forms of marriage in India are still low. Over the recent few years, the Indian culture has experienced enormous change- the social structure holding the system together has turned out to be more adaptable and young women are seen as equals to young men.

Therefore, union between the two sexes has expanded extensively and this has increased the occurrence of love marriages, as compared to arranged marriage. Be that as it may, this form mostly stays limited to urban and semi-urban regions.

Although a large portion of the society still looks down upon love marriages and all such romantic relationships, the situation has been changing of late, as parents and guardians are trying to empathize with their children and to understand their right to choose their companion in life.

Caste and religion are the two most crucial factors which cause obstacles in the free practice of love marriage in our society, especially in India. This is on the grounds that most people are doubtful in wedding their children in an unfamiliar social setting.

There are also different prevalent issues like monetary standard, similarity in horoscopes, etc. which cause further challenges for people to opt for love marriages.  

Table of Contents

Love marriages in the Indian context and its evolution

In ancient times, Indian females were credited a substantially higher status than they enjoy in the present society. They were not restricted to the limits of the home and were permitted significantly more flexibility in most of their life decisions.

They had a considerable measure of say when it came to picking their husbands, and love marriages were a commonplace thing. Ideas like ‘Swayamvars’ depended on the assent of ladies and men demonstrating their guts as the best suitor, as we have seen in the two Indian epics as well- Ramayana and Mahabharata.

Love marriages were very basic at that time and were not ostracised by the general public. Even the religious sacred texts and literary works of the time tell stories of Gods and Goddesses falling in love, mostly with mortals.   

With the approach and appropriation of religious texts like the Manu Smriti, the ideas of good and bad changed in the society. It was upheld that expressions of the family head were preeminent, and it was great karma to comply with the older folks.

With that, the ladies were assigned as images of respect of a family and were set under the security of men, controlling a significant part of the opportunity they used to enjoy in Vedic time.

Accordingly, arranged marriages turned into the standard (or norms) where the senior citizens fixed the matches for all the concerned youths. Gradually, the idea of love marriage lost fame and turned into an undesired custom in the system of the societal restrictions.   

Comparison between love and arranged marriage- why love marriage is better

The main difference between these two forms of marriage- loves and arranged- figure in the bride or groom’s relation with their family. It also depends greatly on the type of culture one is coming from.

The eastern cultures are more likely to be collectivistic (a culture in which greater importance is given to one’s public self than one’s private self, and the society gets more importance than the individual), whereas cultures of the west usually tend to be more individualist (greater importance is given to one’s private self, and the individual is deemed of high significance).

These cultures can be distinguished on the basis of independence (individualist) and interdependence (collectivist). If the individual hails from the former type of society, love marriages seem to be the preferred option, and vice versa.

Sticking to one’s parental decisions might initially seem like a better plan to me as it also brings with it financial stability and social acceptance- the two factors everyone craves for. However, if analysed in the context of a longer run, love marriage seems to be a clear winner, for numerous reasons, which shall be later discussed in this essay.

The primary shortcoming of arranged marriage is as basic as it can get- without knowing a person beforehand, or being forced to inculcate favourable feelings for a stranger, it is practically impossible to attain emotional and physical compatibility. Therefore, sexual relationships initiated through arranged marriages find very little difference from the practice of marital rape.  

Love marriages are better in every way as in that case, people choose beforehand and consciously, and even if the marriage ends as a failure, they know where exactly to put the blame, and look for speedy recovery.  

Disadvantages of love marriage 

One of the significant disadvantages of love marriages in India is that absence of social ‘protection’. Indeed, even right now, guardians regularly do not overlook their children picking a partner for themselves, and let their union be free of their interference.

Very often, complaints emerge from the way that the religion and ranks or social standings or even physical appearance. At times they are careful about the repercussion of the general public and relative temporary fad which might be generated through an unlikely social union through inter-caste or religious marriages.

Along these lines, they now and again decline give to provide consent to the entire undertaking and separate themselves from the couple. Subsequently, the bride or groom feels isolated and if they encounter hardships in the journey of their life, there is no family protection to fall back on.

Some of the time, this separation from guardians and family influence the marital relationship of the newlywed couple as they may accuse their partner for being the reason for losing the family.   

Other possible problem can be the lack of adjustment between the newlywed women and her in-laws, as is seen in many Indian families. This stems from a patriarchal sense of societal roles and norms, and can more than often be traced back to a strict adherence to unnecessary conventions.

Moreover, love marriages also carry with them a lot of expectations which the couples have from each other, and not being able to meet up to the same or keeping the spark alive after marriage can lead to depression, sadness, or other mental health problems.  

The most serious problem- honour killings

An alarming event seen in many societies, including India, is the practice of honour killings. In simple words, when an individual marries someone against their family’s opinion, usually from a different caste, ethnicity, or religion, an extreme act of violence is committed whereby the couple is killed in order to preserve the family’s honour.

This shows that till date, many families, sadly, value their community’s honour over human lives. This system is always hierarchical, that is, such killings are committed only when a community is violated by a marriage with a member of a different community which is placed on the lower rungs of the socio-economic strata.

Prejudices and discrimination also have a role to play in this case. Serious legislation and law enforcement, alongside proper education needs to be aimed at the eradication of such ugly practices in our society. Honour killings are most common in the states of the northern India, especially Haryana.   

With the advent of an era of increased individualisation, love marriages have now become a symbol for one’s freedom of expression through selecting their own husbands or wives. They have larger implications than mere romantic commitments and are gradually becoming an inevitable part of our lives.

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Example of love and marriage essay

Type of paper: Essay

Topic: Relationships , Children , Family , Life , Love , Experience , Marriage , Social Issues

Published: 12/09/2019

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Introduction

Love alone is a complex thing. Now, pair it with marriage, then that would double the complication. This is what most people who have been married or who have been in love in the past when you ask them about the things that happened to their marriage. Of course, the love and marriage stories can never be a one-sided one. There are people whom when you interview will respond positively and there will also be people who will respond the other way. Most of the time, people’s perception about love and marriage is based on their experience. The better their experiences being in love and married, chances are they will look at these two things positively. The opposite then happens when the related experiences are bad. So, all usually boils down to the question “how will an individual or a couple be able to succeed in loving each other and in their marriage life”. It is not uncommon for couples especially the ones who are from the Y generation to fail on their conquest for eternal peace, love, joy and marriage. Disappointments and frustrations are usually common signs that an individual is suffering from a major distress; which more often than not involves love.

Living to Love and to Marry

There are several phases of life and love and marriage is just one of those phases. Before we are even born, we are all unconscious about the things that are happening around us. A few weeks or even months after we are born, nothing has actually changed, we are still unaware of our surroundings but we could already feel the simplest things that a human could ever feel. After a few years, we turn into a child and after a few years of being a child, we turn into teenagers and adolescents until we reach the point of love and marriage. All people are capable to love. Even the cruelest people on this planet now and in the past have someone whom they really love and care for. In this phase of life however, it is kind of different. It’s still love but the difference comes when we talk about intention. Have you ever asked yourself why you love your family? Your friends? There are a lot of possible reasons but most people would really tend to say “I don’t know” followed by “I just love them” to such statements. This is what you call instinct. Humans, in order to interact, have a form of complex emotion, for me at least, called love. Without love, this world would be full of hatred, anger, guilt and chaos.

In our current society, love has to be symbolized and most of the time, marriage is the one thing that people use to signify love. If you are going to travel to almost all countries, you will realize how a lot of people value love and marriage. Marriage is the act of giving bows to each other (a couple); promising that you will never leave each other no matter what challenges may come.

This phase of one’s life is an inevitable one. Being a kid up to this point is really inevitable because at some point in your life (it could be premature or delayed), you will be able to experience the feeling of wanting to be with someone else forever. Some say that its love while some would address it as a different thing. Love and marriage is like a level up for adolescence because they should be able to have the capacity to raise their own family and stop being dependent on other people just like when they were kids. However, this may be a matter of discussion for other cultures which are characterized by strong family ties.

Love and marriage is an important part of your life. It’s actually like a prerequisite that you need to experience before you could go on to the next phase of your life. Try to imagine when you were a kid, roaming the streets freely, when you were a college student looking for the perfect and most loving person to be with forever. These things are all essential for one’s growth and development.

Love and marriage could also cause small misunderstandings between a two married individuals. Such bad practices should indeed be prevented because there is a chance it may progress to violence—another uncommon thing in the societal love and marriage perception today. What couples could do to prevent that from happening is to try to realize how good it could be felt to love and to be loved back. Of course, that’s the most rewarding feeling of all and it has something to do with marriage as well—a lot actually. As long as there is love, there could still be a chance that a couple will be able to work out on and fix their marriage. Divorce and annulments are two most common issues being debated about by scholars for the last couple of years because of their possible effects to the people’s perception to love and marriage. As long as we know how we could easily divorce with anyone, people will always believe that wrecking marriages with a divorce or an annulment procedure will always be the answer where in fact it is not.

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Love and Marriage

Love and Marriage Ever wonder why so many happy marriages become failed marriages? Love plays a big part of failed and happy marriages. Happy marriages are hard to obtain and keep in this day of age. Marriage is defined as “an intimate or close union” by Merriam Webster. Marriage has been used for mutual benefit, personal benefit, or just the simple uniting of a couple in love . Happy marriages seem to be rare now with the stress of jobs, life’s struggles, or just the simple temptations that can tear a marriage apart and even the lack of love. In history marriage wasn’t the uniting of a couple in love, it was for the benefit of kingdoms or families. Marriage was used to unite families for mutual benefit to gain a higher standing in a …show more content…

Telling a loved one, like a husband or wife that how they act or things they do drive them nuts can be very hard and hurtful. In the long run problems are better handled sooner than later. Waiting to resolve a legitimate problem usually makes things worse, the anger or frustration can build up. After so much anger or frustration is built up it’s only a matter of time before that anger releases and results into a fight towards the other person. Bursts of anger cause more trouble than they really should, when a spouse blows up and starts listing one thing after another or just belittles the other for something little or something that happened a long time ago, words are said or actions show things that the person really doesn’t mean it. Though the words and actions hurt, they are not meant in most cases and cause a lot of pain and emotional stress. When looking back at the reasons why the explosion of anger or grief occurred, it usually wasn’t a big deal at the time or wasn’t dealt with at the time. Dealing with problems is a part of being in a marriage or a relationship. Dealing with the problem is difficult but can make a marriage stronger. A strong marriage is very important to be happy and to make the marriage last. There is a couple from Shawnee who have been married for about 20 years and the husband has had some tough cards dealt to him. His wife went out of the marriage for a relationship while being married. Her actions caused a very

Interpersonal Communication Final Paper

Listening to your partner can save your marriage. If you and your partner have an agreement give each other time to cool down. It is important to fight constructively. There is no marriage free of conflict. Conflicts can and will arise from time to time it is to be expected. Conflict can stem from finances, children, and jobs. It is best not to point finger swat the other person. In your marriage you have to be

Marriage Proposals in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice Essay

Marriage at this time was a way of securing a happy livelihood and relative

Love And Marriage In Emma Goldman's 'Marriage And Love'

“Marriage and Love”, a short essay by Emma Goldman, gives a wonderful argument regarding love and marriage, in fact, she nails it. Marriage does not equal love or has anything nothing to do with it. Not only that, but the marriage could also easily kill whatever relationship was there prior to the declaration. Marriage is simply a social construct, one that imposes control by religion, tradition, and social opinion (Goldman 304). However, if marriage is such the ball and chain that we all joke about, then why do people get married?

Gottman's Four Horseman Of The Apocalypse

When a couple has been together for at least forty years, one may ask them, how have you put up with one person for so long, or what is your secret to marriage? Unfortunately, a secret may not even exist, but learning how to deal with everyday relationship conflicts, maybe the answer to a lasting marriage. “Gottman and Declaire, discovered that couples have conflict over the same issues sixty-nine percent of the time” (1997) (pg.214) Gottman quotes “We need to teach couples that they will never solve most of their problems, and that couples need to” establish a dialogue” about the problems.”(1997) (pg.214) Validating, volatile, and conflict avoiding, are three approaches couples use, when resolving conflict. Gottman studies show how managing conflict could lead to lasting marriages. Communication practices are also important when trying to resolve conflict. Gottman’s Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are “four communication practices that have very negative outcomes for the particular interaction and for the relationship.”(pg.225) Conflicts are going to occur in every relationship, but learning how to communicate with one another is essential.

The Radical Idea of Marrying for Love Essay

Coontz talks about the history behind marriage. People chose their partners based on “something as fragile and irrational as love” before they focus on their sexual, intimate, and altruistic desires. (p.378) Coontz points out that may cultures view marriage differently. Some cultures thought that

Socs315 Week 5 You Decide Essay

When you are in a relationship, arguments or disagreements can arise. They can often trigger strong emotions that lead to hurtful words and uneasiness. If these conflicts are not resolved in a healthy way, resentment and a dissolved relationship could follow. However, when they are resolved in a proper manner, it could promote growth between the couple and fortify the bonds of their relationship (Conflict Resolution Skills).

`` What 's Love Got For Do With It `` By Stephanie Coontz

Stephanie Coontz is a sociologist who is interested in marriage and the change in its structure over the time-span as love became a main proponent of the relationship involved in marriages. In her article, “What 's Love Got to Do With It,” Coontz argues that the more love becomes a part of the equation the less stable the institution of marriage becomes. Marriage at one point was a social contract that bound two families together to increase their property and wealth as well as ally connections. Each party entered into the contract knowing their roles and if one partner failed to meet the expectations, they were still contractually obligated to one another and were not allowed to divorce. As love became part of the equation, each partner was less sure of their obligations and often chose to end their marriages if at all possible.

Outline Of ' 4 Mat Book '

Conflict, confrontation, and problems are inevitable in human relationships. They will occur, like it or not, it is a part of life. The word of God reminds us in Luke 17:1 that offenses will diffidently come into our lives. However, we cannot allow them become trapped in our spirit because it will harm relationships with the offenders. For that reason, someone must take the initiative to address the breach in the relationship through effective confrontation. Again, to express the importance of resolving conflict and finding peace in relationships, the Lord declares in Psalms 133:1, 3 that he blesses those who dwell in unity. According to

Maine Revised Statutes

The majority of people who join together with their significant other through the act of marriage hope and dream that marriage will surround them with infinite love and happiness; unfortunately that is not always the case. In fact, “according to data from the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2013 American Community Survey, 10 percent of Maine women and 11 percent of men in Maine are divorced.”1 Though 10 and 11 percent seem like fairly small percentages, 10 percent of Maine women is approximately 67,831 women, and 11 percent of Maine men is approximately 71,506 men, which truly are not small figures to take into consideration. Since marriages do not always have a happy ending

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Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection. Although it is not as easily defined as some may make it. Every situation and the lessons we learn from those times, help to form what we believe love to be. For some it may be a physical attachment that others degrade to lust. For some it may be their reason for continuing on in life; but overall for most, love is what drives our lives. From childhood to adulthood we seek to find relationships that will fulfill our hearts and make our short time on Earth a little more enjoyable. However as well as any other activity we partake in, ways in which we perceive love and marriage have changed over time. Although there is slight variations, when most imagine the life of a married couple pure happiness is what is expected. As wonderful as that expectation may be, not every marriage fits into this ideal. The criteria of marriage used to be based off of what your partner can offer you. However as times have changed and gender roles have begun to disappear, marriage has now

Managing Conflict in Relationships Essay

Handling conflict is a skill which can be learned. It requires practice, discipline and self-control. In the midst of conflict, most people forget the overall goal in addressing the conflict: Having your partner understand your feelings and resolving the disagreement. The more a couple can keep this goal in mind the less likely either will engage in criticism, yelling or name-calling. These behaviors only fuel the conflict (Managing Conflict in Your Relationship,

Summary Of Marriage By Gregory Corso Marriage

Marriage has been a heated controversy for the past few years because people often marry for the wrong reasons. Anyone who thinks of an ideal marriage would think of two people loving each other and sharing a personal bond or goals together. Marriage is regularly defined as the legally or formally recognized union of two lovers as partners in a personal relationship. This definition remarks there is an actual connection between two people in marriage, but do people actually consider this when committing to “love” and “support” their partners forever? As research and studies have shown, people ultimately get married for many reasons, except love. This philosophy can be easily applied to the short poem, “Marriage” by Gregory Corso. In this emotional poem, the author argues marriage is more effectively understood or known for culture and convenience rather than through the abstract considerations of love. Here, we can identify people generally decide to marry for the incorrect reasons, for instance the story of the author himself. Corso finds himself confused multiple times, wondering if he should marry to not be lonely, for tradition and for his physical and mental health. He disregards love, a relationship or a connection with his future wife. General ways of convenience like loneliness, health and economic status between cultural stereotypes and religion are usually the true reasons of why people chose to have the commitment of marriage with another person.

Marriage Argumentative Essay

A survey of 14000 adults states in ‘A Guide to Family Issues: The Marriage Advantage’ that marriage was a pertinent factor contributing to happiness and satisfaction with forty percent of the married individuals being happy as opposed to 25 percent of either single or cohabiting individuals. The same study shows that ninety eight percent of never married respondents wished to marry and out of those 88% believed that it should be a lifelong commitment. Even though, divorce rates are rising numerous researches show that young people aspire to have a lasting marriage.

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Marriage is undeniably effective for some things such as procreation and rearing those produced children.Ê Biologically, all creatures need heterosexual union of some kind to continue their species, but this union need not be a required social construct.Ê In ancient and classical Greece, as well as in much of the world today, marriage is a social expectation.Ê Elders encourage young men to choose their even younger wives at the expected time and to create a respectable typical household.Ê But is marriage actually necessary or even what people desire?Ê Hellenic marriage seems to be constructed in such a way as to leave many Greeks unsatisfied and discontent.Ê Why else

Definition Argument Outline: Marriage And Divorce

Was anyone aware that forty to fifty percent or more of marriages will end in divorce (“Marriage and Divorce”)? It could be said that one of the largest contributing factors to that is how everyone does not really know what marriage is anymore. The entire Western Civilization is spending so much time trying to figure out what marriage means. They are letting their own marriages crumble. Is a marriage made to be between a man and a woman, or does a marriage really boil down to some form of gender roles? One way to try and decipher this mystery would be to look for the definition of the word itself. Marriage

Related Topics

Essay on Love for Students and Children

500+ words essay on love.

Love is the most significant thing in human’s life. Each science and every single literature masterwork will tell you about it. Humans are also social animals. We lived for centuries with this way of life, we were depended on one another to tell us how our clothes fit us, how our body is whether healthy or emaciated. All these we get the honest opinions of those who love us, those who care for us and makes our happiness paramount.

What is Love?

Love is a set of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs with strong feelings of affection. So, for example, a person might say he or she loves his or her dog, loves freedom, or loves God. The concept of love may become an unimaginable thing and also it may happen to each person in a particular way.

Love has a variety of feelings, emotions, and attitude. For someone love is more than just being interested physically in another one, rather it is an emotional attachment. We can say love is more of a feeling that a person feels for another person. Therefore, the basic meaning of love is to feel more than liking towards someone.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Need of Love

We know that the desire to love and care for others is a hard-wired and deep-hearted because the fulfillment of this wish increases the happiness level. Expressing love for others benefits not just the recipient of affection, but also the person who delivers it. The need to be loved can be considered as one of our most basic and fundamental needs.

One of the forms that this need can take is contact comfort. It is the desire to be held and touched. So there are many experiments showing that babies who are not having contact comfort, especially during the first six months, grow up to be psychologically damaged.

Significance of Love

Love is as critical for the mind and body of a human being as oxygen. Therefore, the more connected you are, the healthier you will be physically as well as emotionally. It is also true that the less love you have, the level of depression will be more in your life. So, we can say that love is probably the best antidepressant.

It is also a fact that the most depressed people don’t love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also become self-focused and hence making themselves less attractive to others.

Society and Love

It is a scientific fact that society functions better when there is a certain sense of community. Compassion and love are the glue for society. Hence without it, there is no feeling of togetherness for further evolution and progress. Love , compassion, trust and caring we can say that these are the building blocks of relationships and society.

Relationship and Love

A relationship is comprised of many things such as friendship , sexual attraction , intellectual compatibility, and finally love. Love is the binding element that keeps a relationship strong and solid. But how do you know if you are in love in true sense? Here are some symptoms that the emotion you are feeling is healthy, life-enhancing love.

Love is the Greatest Wealth in Life

Love is the greatest wealth in life because we buy things we love for our happiness. For example, we build our dream house and purchase a favorite car to attract love. Being loved in a remote environment is a better experience than been hated even in the most advanced environment.

Love or Money

Love should be given more importance than money as love is always everlasting. Money is important to live, but having a true companion you can always trust should come before that. If you love each other, you will both work hard to help each other live an amazing life together.

Love has been a vital reason we do most things in our life. Before we could know ourselves, we got showered by it from our close relatives like mothers , fathers , siblings, etc. Thus love is a unique gift for shaping us and our life. Therefore, we can say that love is a basic need of life. It plays a vital role in our life, society, and relation. It gives us energy and motivation in a difficult time. Finally, we can say that it is greater than any other thing in life.

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Love Marriage 2 Pages 392 Words

             Many people in our society believe in love marriage , because this type of marriage is based on understanding between the two parts , and the settlement in their family . They also live in happiness and peace , because they had chosen each other from the beginning .              The couple who married upon love will understand each other . They will share their opinions and decisions in every thing whether small or big . Each one will not take any decision in his own life without sharing the other fellow . If they argue about something , they will be able to find a suitable solution for both of them . Although there a lot of problems between children , they can solve it easily with each other . There will not be a great difference in their way of thinking , and taking decisions . They will be one hand in facing the obstacles , and difficulties of life .              Happiness also is a very important benefit of love marriage , as every one in the family will feel with comfort . The couples can enjoy their life . They will be content about themselves . They will not make the usually quarrels which we see in most of the families . Each one of them will look for the comfort and happiness of the other fellow , as there is a mutual love between them . If one of them felt into a trouble , the other one will save him , and try to help with all what he possess of money , energy or time . If one of them felt ill , the other fellow gives him the complete care till he becomes well .              Finally , I think that the love marriage is better than the arranged marriage , because it has many benefits , such as the understanding between the two couples , and the happiness and peace in the family , and I want to send a message to all the youth to be careful in their love , and their emotions specially in marriage .              ...

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Colleges are baby deserts. That needs to change

Children should be seen and talked about during students’ most formative years.

By Leah Libresco Sargeant

College brochures put some of a school’s amenities front and center, but other major features of campus life are kept quiet. Dartmouth, for example, wouldn’t want its unofficial mascot, “Keggy the Keg,” to show up during an official college tour. A party culture might boost admissions but it also cuts against the administrators’ image of their school as a serious institution of higher learning.

Another of higher ed’s secret features — college as a marriage market — seems to be even more unspeakable today, even as admissions departments work hard to put together a gender-balanced class that makes it possible for students to pair off.

The recent Supreme Court decision in SFFA v. Harvard and SFFA v. UNC struck down race-based affirmative action, but schools are widely expected to continue their practice of differential admission by gender. Admissions departments practice heavy favoritism for male applicants. No one frames this preference for men as reparations for past discrimination — the college administrators say frankly that if they constructed their classes without regard for sex, they’d have too many high-achieving women and not enough men.

The result is that some schools have given an explicit gender bonus as they sum test scores, while others simply admit young men who would never set foot on campus if they had been a girl with the same scores and portfolio. In a 2006 essay for The New York Times titled “To All the Girls I’ve Rejected,” Jennifer Delahunty Britz, the dean of admissions and financial aid at Kenyon College, aired her regrets, but admitted she didn’t see much of an alternative. Enrolling too many girls can trigger a death spiral for a school — many girls don’t want to go to a school where there’s no one to date.

Seeking gender equivalence serves to promote dating and ultimately marriage, but a school’s promotion of marriage usually ends once the admission letters have been sent out. Once there’s a roughly balanced dating pool, the students are on their own. But if schools were willing to admit that part of their appeal is exposure to like-minded possible partners, they could go a little further in making campus as conducive to marriage as to future internships and jobs.

Colleges are, for the most part, sharply age-segregated. Students try to make choices about the shape of their life while primarily surrounded by their peers. Professors offer a glimpse of some possible futures, narrowly construed, but one future opportunity — children — is nearly absent on campuses. Perhaps not surprisingly, research on the declining birth rate shows that fertility rates are lower among women with college degrees than those with high school degrees.

It’s strange to be dating and discerning marriage in a milieu that is devoid of children, as college campuses are. Women sometimes tell each other to watch how a man treats a waitress or other service worker for a preview of how he’ll treat her when the initial infatuation has passed. But how much better it would be to also see how a potential partner interacts with a child, since the objective of most relationships is to ultimately let that love overflow into new life.

This past winter, I went to Yale to debate the students, making the case that they should reconfigure their lives to have more children and start having them earlier . Only a small minority objected to marriage and children tout court. Most students felt they were open to children and marriage, but they tended to leave those endeavors at the bottom of their priority list.

“I just don’t want to have kids before I’m 30,” one boy told me.

“Huh,” I responded. “If we didn’t use a base 10 number system, do you think you’d still be anchored on that number?”

He gave a rueful snort and mostly conceded the point.

It was easy for him to plan out his life according to the tidiness of round numbers, without pausing to think too much about the shape his life would take, and the upside or downside risk of moving faster or slower than his peers.

It’s not that I expect school admissions offices to begin offering small children the same preferential treatment that high school boys routinely receive. But schools are right to consider the composition of their class and the layout of their grounds as elements that shape their students’ experience over four or more years and the development of the students’ post-college character and careers.

But they should consider the social costs of designing schools that age-segregate students during this formative time, and envision campuses that are not, in essence, baby deserts where children are neither seen nor discussed.

Co-locating child care facilities and elementary schools on or adjacent to a college campus is a good place to start. If schools are going to require some students on financial aid to have campus jobs, they’re likely to learn more helping in a tutoring center or supervising a playground than washing dishes in a dining hall. (A good many political science majors have clearly graduated without testing their theories of self-government against a coalition of 8-year-olds.)

Career offices could stand to be a little franker about the tradeoffs of different high-intensity careers. “Do you hope to marry and have children? When? At what age? Why?” is as relevant to sorting through career paths as “What city do you want to live in?” When schools are silent on these important questions, students correctly surmise that their program thinks of children as ancillary to a good life, something to squeeze in around the margins of your professional ambitions.

During my Yale visit, the students who had thought the most about how to hold space for the children they hoped for were often the oldest siblings in larger families. When I asked them about what they looked forward to as potential parents, some talked about reading to their child, like they had read to a younger sibling.

For some of their peers, children were an abstraction, and it was hard to figure out how to weigh children against the known parts of their life and studies that they would have to trim to make space for life at home. For the students who had already glimpsed some of the pleasures of parenthood, it was easier to contrast two vivid goods.

If colleges are intended to form a whole person and prepare them for a full, humane life, care for children should be part of that education. A quad that is wholly empty of children is as poorly prepared for learning as an academic library empty of books.

Leah Libresco Sargeant is the author of “Arriving at Amen” and “Building the Benedict Option.” She runs the substack Other Feminisms , focused on the dignity of interdependence.

A viral essay about marriage spawned thousands of hate clicks — and exposed a harsh reality

M arriage is having a moment in American discourse. TikTok videos extol the virtues of being a stay-at-home wife and mother who also feeds chickens, makes sourdough bread and has five children.

Magazines and newspapers are filled with articles and columns exhorting people to just suck it up and marry . Or even offer up marriage as the solution to the inequality in our nation . And these stories are focused on women, because it’s young women who are more likely to opt out of marriage and it’s older women who are divorcing their husbands .

Recently, an essay published in New York Magazine’s The Cut even argued for marriage as a feminist reclamation. Marriage, as the author described it, is a protectorate, wherein she is taken care of and pampered. It truly sounds nice given the level of exhaustion American women are experiencing, after carrying the weight of cognitive and domestic labor , and doing the work of the social safety net . But it’s worth pointing out that gilded cages are still cages. 

The “just get married” discourse feels like a tightening rope around women who are already seeing their rights reversed through the rollback of Roe. Women who saw the vast lack of a social safety net during the pandemic and saw America take back whatever advances we made that helped families, while rolling out the war machine. Women are dying because we don’t have choices. Still, the answer that is shouted back at us is “just marry.”

But marriage has never been a safe space for women. And any argument that marriage provides comfort and equality under the benevolent protectorship of a husband isn’t borne out by the history of marriage — or the reality of it.

Even now, with all of its supposed advantages, marriage can be a trap for women, who are more likely than men to experience physical and emotional abuse in marriage. And nearly 20% of marriages involve violence . In 2021, 34% of female murder victims were killed by their intimate partner, compared to only 6% of male murder victims.

Marriage as an institution has been more about keeping some people out and locking others in. Founded on the laws of coverture, historically in marriage a woman’s identity was subsumed under her husband. But, of course, this relative safety of the marital relationship was only afforded to wealthy women. Poor people, the enslaved, queer or disabled people have been historically excluded from the benefits of marriage. Enslaved women , often forced into marriage, only kept those relationships at the whims of their enslavers, and were subject to sexual and racial violence as a result. Today, mass incarceration that targets Black men makes keeping a marriage together harder . Additionally, staying together as a family becomes difficult when the child welfare system targets Black families . And for centuries, until 1967, when the Loving v. Virginia Supreme Court ruling legalized interracial marriage, marriage was a means of policing racial purity. Also, it wasn’t until 2014, when the Supreme Court ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges, that gay marriage was made equal in the United States. People who are disabled were excluded from marriage because historically they were often institutionalized. Today, people who are disabled are often barred from the institution of marriage because they can lose access to life-saving benefits .

And you don’t have to look too far back in American history to see how wives were viewed under the law. It wasn’t until 1993 that marital rape was finally outlawed in all 50 states. 

In response to these statistics, critics often accuse women of simply choosing to marry the wrong person. As if you can choose your way out of systemic inequality and an institution that was founded on the fundamental loss of personhood. In sum, marriage never has been, nor ever will be, a form of freedom. 

It’s tempting, in a world beleaguered by a pandemic, where women still earn less than men, and where there is no affordable childcare, to see marriage as an appealing way of opting out of the ceaseless grind of capitalism. Better to work for a man who loves you rather than "the man," the logic goes. But it’s an upsetting logic, presuming that marriage is still the work of a woman, rather than a partnership of equals. Plus, that logic doesn’t parse. All it does is economically isolate women. A wife is far more likely to be abused by her husband than a stranger, and stay-at-home moms are more likely to be depressed and anxious .

In “The Second Sex,” Simone de Beauvoir argued that marriage is premised on a man treating a woman as a person enslaved while making her feel like a queen. She also notes, “It is more comfortable to endure blind bondage than to work for one’s liberation; the dead, too, are better suited to the earth than the living.” Beauvoir’s words feel like a face slap from the past, reminding modern women how long we’ve been struggling to be free from the unpaid labor of marriage and how much farther we have to go. Freedom isn’t found under the guardianship of a marriage, it’s found when we are seen as equal partners and given equal opportunities to earn money and control our bodies and our destinies.

Partnership, when executed with mutual respect, can be amazing. But marriage as an institution has never been about a woman’s freedom. And it won’t be until we have full equality.

This article was originally published on MSNBC.com

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4 Mistakes Couples Make When Discussing Money

Therapists share the secrets to a drama-free money chat.

By Catherine Pearson

I like talking to my husband about a lot of things, but money isn’t one of them. Most of our conversations about spending go something like this: We lament our credit card balances. We grumble about child care costs. Then we retreat until the next bill arrives or tax season shines a bright, unsparing light on our finances — as it is right now .

I take some comfort in knowing that we’re not the only ones who stink at discussing money. In one small study , married couples reported their money-related disagreements tended to be more intense than arguments about other topics, and were less likely to be resolved. Other research suggests that financial conflicts may be a stronger predictor of divorce than other types of disagreements.

“It’s really hard to feel comfortable starting these conversations,” said Jillian Knight, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in financial therapy , which combines financial advice with psychological support. “Because a lot of the time, people have the belief that you shouldn’t talk about money or that they’re not good with money.”

I chatted with Ms. Knight and other therapists who work with couples on money issues about some common communication missteps.

Mistake 1: Assuming you have the same values

We tend to internalize financial lessons from our families, said Lisa Marie Bobby, a licensed marriage and family therapist. But conflicts arise when romantic partners assume that their point of view is the only point of view instead of taking the time to explore each other’s financial stories, she said. “This leads to sometimes vicious fights, arguing over whose perspective is the ‘right’ one,” she said.

To better understand where your partner is coming from, start with a broad question like “What money lessons did you learn growing up?” recommended Stephanie Zepeda, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Houston. For instance, if your parent lost his or her job several times, you might have grown up believing that saving money is the ultimate priority. Or you might have come to think that it’s important to say yes to all of the experiences and luxuries you didn’t have as a child, she said.

Mistake 2: Not checking in

Often, one partner in a relationship becomes the default money manager, Ms. Knight said. While that works for many couples, she believes both partners should understand at least a few basics: How much money is coming in? How much money is going out? Where is the money and how can I access it if necessary? And what are our big financial goals?

Couples should schedule regular sit-downs or “money meetings” to briefly check in on how things are going and prepare for any big decisions or expenditures coming up. Do not attempt to discuss everything about your finances in one session; “that can be overwhelming,” Ms. Knight said. Instead, make financial communication a regular part of your relationship. And whenever your scheduled time comes — once a week is ideal — try to make sure you are both relatively relaxed and well-fed, she added.

Mistake 3: Letting difficult conversations fizzle

Because financial conversations can escalate into arguments, couples sometimes — wisely — drop the subject to decompress, said LaQueshia Clemons, a licensed clinical social worker in Middletown, Conn.

But instead of intentionally returning to the topic — perhaps a debate about spending versus saving — later, they ignore it until the issue comes up again. “It becomes this circle that couples sometimes get stuck in,” she said. So it is essential that you loop back afterward, ideally, within 24 hours, she said. Otherwise disagreements can go unresolved and resentments can simmer.

When you reconvene, try not to simply repeat what you were saying before, Ms. Clemons said. Start by noting something you appreciate about how your partner deals with money, even if it’s just acknowledging that he or she pays certain bills on time.

Mistake 4: Focusing only on scarcity

Megan McCoy, an assistant professor in the personal financial planning department at Kansas State University, did not downplay the financial stresses that many couples face . Sometimes there just isn’t enough money, and no amount of verbal jiu-jitsu can alleviate the strain that puts on a relationship. But when possible, she thinks couples should inject some playfulness into their financial conversations.

For example: Twice a year, Dr. McCoy and her husband buy a Powerball ticket and spend a date night talking about what they would do if they won. What would they spend more time doing? Would they travel more? Would they pay someone to take on certain chores around the house? Perhaps, then, they might start saving more for a vacation or have a conversation about redistributing the domestic load to feel more equal.

“I really do think it’s a huge mistake to only talk about scarcity — where we should cut, how we should budget,” Dr. McCoy said. “You can learn so much from having those positive, playful conversations.”

Julia Louis-Dreyfus wants you to start listening to older women.

On her podcast, “Wiser Than Me,” the 63-year-old actress asks well-known “old women” like Julie Andrews and Patti Smith about the joys and the sorrows of aging. Jancee Dunn chatted with Louis-Dreyfus about the best parts of getting older and the advice she would give her 21-year-old self.

Read the article: Julia Louis-Dreyfus Thinks Youth Is Overrated

Can you spot the hidden sodium?

Most people in the United States consume more sodium than what is recommended, which carries health risks. But cutting back can be difficult because it's not always easy to tell if your favorite foods are secret salt bombs. Take our quiz to see if you can correctly identify which foods are higher in sodium.

Read the article: Salt Is Hiding Everywhere. Can You Spot It?

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Catherine Pearson is a Times reporter who writes about families and relationships. More about Catherine Pearson

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That Viral Essay Wasn’t About Age Gaps. It Was About Marrying Rich.

But both tactics are flawed if you want to have any hope of becoming yourself..

Women are wisest, a viral essay in New York magazine’s the Cut argues , to maximize their most valuable cultural assets— youth and beauty—and marry older men when they’re still very young. Doing so, 27-year-old writer Grazie Sophia Christie writes, opens up a life of ease, and gets women off of a male-defined timeline that has our professional and reproductive lives crashing irreconcilably into each other. Sure, she says, there are concessions, like one’s freedom and entire independent identity. But those are small gives in comparison to a life in which a person has no adult responsibilities, including the responsibility to become oneself.

This is all framed as rational, perhaps even feminist advice, a way for women to quit playing by men’s rules and to reject exploitative capitalist demands—a choice the writer argues is the most obviously intelligent one. That other Harvard undergraduates did not busy themselves trying to attract wealthy or soon-to-be-wealthy men seems to flummox her (taking her “high breasts, most of my eggs, plausible deniability when it came to purity, a flush ponytail, a pep in my step that had yet to run out” to the Harvard Business School library, “I could not understand why my female classmates did not join me, given their intelligence”). But it’s nothing more than a recycling of some of the oldest advice around: For women to mold themselves around more-powerful men, to never grow into independent adults, and to find happiness in a state of perpetual pre-adolescence, submission, and dependence. These are odd choices for an aspiring writer (one wonders what, exactly, a girl who never wants to grow up and has no idea who she is beyond what a man has made her into could possibly have to write about). And it’s bad advice for most human beings, at least if what most human beings seek are meaningful and happy lives.

But this is not an essay about the benefits of younger women marrying older men. It is an essay about the benefits of younger women marrying rich men. Most of the purported upsides—a paid-for apartment, paid-for vacations, lives split between Miami and London—are less about her husband’s age than his wealth. Every 20-year-old in the country could decide to marry a thirtysomething and she wouldn’t suddenly be gifted an eternal vacation.

Which is part of what makes the framing of this as an age-gap essay both strange and revealing. The benefits the writer derives from her relationship come from her partner’s money. But the things she gives up are the result of both their profound financial inequality and her relative youth. Compared to her and her peers, she writes, her husband “struck me instead as so finished, formed.” By contrast, “At 20, I had felt daunted by the project of becoming my ideal self.” The idea of having to take responsibility for her own life was profoundly unappealing, as “adulthood seemed a series of exhausting obligations.” Tying herself to an older man gave her an out, a way to skip the work of becoming an adult by allowing a father-husband to mold her to his desires. “My husband isn’t my partner,” she writes. “He’s my mentor, my lover, and, only in certain contexts, my friend. I’ll never forget it, how he showed me around our first place like he was introducing me to myself: This is the wine you’ll drink, where you’ll keep your clothes, we vacation here, this is the other language we’ll speak, you’ll learn it, and I did.”

These, by the way, are the things she says are benefits of marrying older.

The downsides are many, including a basic inability to express a full range of human emotion (“I live in an apartment whose rent he pays and that constrains the freedom with which I can ever be angry with him”) and an understanding that she owes back, in some other form, what he materially provides (the most revealing line in the essay may be when she claims that “when someone says they feel unappreciated, what they really mean is you’re in debt to them”). It is clear that part of what she has paid in exchange for a paid-for life is a total lack of any sense of self, and a tacit agreement not to pursue one. “If he ever betrayed me and I had to move on, I would survive,” she writes, “but would find in my humor, preferences, the way I make coffee or the bed nothing that he did not teach, change, mold, recompose, stamp with his initials.”

Reading Christie’s essay, I thought of another one: Joan Didion’s on self-respect , in which Didion argues that “character—the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life—is the source from which self-respect springs.” If we lack self-respect, “we are peculiarly in thrall to everyone we see, curiously determined to live out—since our self-image is untenable—their false notions of us.” Self-respect may not make life effortless and easy. But it means that whenever “we eventually lie down alone in that notoriously un- comfortable bed, the one we make ourselves,” at least we can fall asleep.

It can feel catty to publicly criticize another woman’s romantic choices, and doing so inevitably opens one up to accusations of jealousy or pettiness. But the stories we tell about marriage, love, partnership, and gender matter, especially when they’re told in major culture-shaping magazines. And it’s equally as condescending to say that women’s choices are off-limits for critique, especially when those choices are shared as universal advice, and especially when they neatly dovetail with resurgent conservative efforts to make women’s lives smaller and less independent. “Marry rich” is, as labor economist Kathryn Anne Edwards put it in Bloomberg, essentially the Republican plan for mothers. The model of marriage as a hierarchy with a breadwinning man on top and a younger, dependent, submissive woman meeting his needs and those of their children is not exactly a fresh or groundbreaking ideal. It’s a model that kept women trapped and miserable for centuries.

It’s also one that profoundly stunted women’s intellectual and personal growth. In her essay for the Cut, Christie seems to believe that a life of ease will abet a life freed up for creative endeavors, and happiness. But there’s little evidence that having material abundance and little adversity actually makes people happy, let alone more creatively generativ e . Having one’s basic material needs met does seem to be a prerequisite for happiness. But a meaningful life requires some sense of self, an ability to look outward rather than inward, and the intellectual and experiential layers that come with facing hardship and surmounting it.

A good and happy life is not a life in which all is easy. A good and happy life (and here I am borrowing from centuries of philosophers and scholars) is one characterized by the pursuit of meaning and knowledge, by deep connections with and service to other people (and not just to your husband and children), and by the kind of rich self-knowledge and satisfaction that comes from owning one’s choices, taking responsibility for one’s life, and doing the difficult and endless work of growing into a fully-formed person—and then evolving again. Handing everything about one’s life over to an authority figure, from the big decisions to the minute details, may seem like a path to ease for those who cannot stomach the obligations and opportunities of their own freedom. It’s really an intellectual and emotional dead end.

And what kind of man seeks out a marriage like this, in which his only job is to provide, but very much is owed? What kind of man desires, as the writer cast herself, a raw lump of clay to be molded to simply fill in whatever cracks in his life needed filling? And if the transaction is money and guidance in exchange for youth, beauty, and pliability, what happens when the young, beautiful, and pliable party inevitably ages and perhaps feels her backbone begin to harden? What happens if she has children?

The thing about using youth and beauty as a currency is that those assets depreciate pretty rapidly. There is a nearly endless supply of young and beautiful women, with more added each year. There are smaller numbers of wealthy older men, and the pool winnows down even further if one presumes, as Christie does, that many of these men want to date and marry compliant twentysomethings. If youth and beauty are what you’re exchanging for a man’s resources, you’d better make sure there’s something else there—like the basic ability to provide for yourself, or at the very least a sense of self—to back that exchange up.

It is hard to be an adult woman; it’s hard to be an adult, period. And many women in our era of unfinished feminism no doubt find plenty to envy about a life in which they don’t have to work tirelessly to barely make ends meet, don’t have to manage the needs of both children and man-children, could simply be taken care of for once. This may also explain some of the social media fascination with Trad Wives and stay-at-home girlfriends (some of that fascination is also, I suspect, simply a sexual submission fetish , but that’s another column). Fantasies of leisure reflect a real need for it, and American women would be far better off—happier, freer—if time and resources were not so often so constrained, and doled out so inequitably.

But the way out is not actually found in submission, and certainly not in electing to be carried by a man who could choose to drop you at any time. That’s not a life of ease. It’s a life of perpetual insecurity, knowing your spouse believes your value is decreasing by the day while his—an actual dollar figure—rises. A life in which one simply allows another adult to do all the deciding for them is a stunted life, one of profound smallness—even if the vacations are nice.