being a good human being essay

The Guide to Being a Good Human Being

Ten steps to being likable and loved..

Posted March 24, 2023 | Reviewed by Tyler Woods

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Being a human is an incredible thing—but it's not always easy. What you should or shouldn't do isn't always clear, and it can leave you feeling confused and overwhelmed. You weren't exactly given a guidebook for life at school, even though you might have learned to count. It turns out you need a lot more than that to be a good human being.

The reality is that we are a real mishmash of people and cultures across this beautiful planet. In fact, it's exactly that which makes our planet so wonderfully diverse. Yet, there is one thing that we all have in common: We like to feel good. Hence, I've compiled a list of things that most (if not all) humans appreciate.

Below you will find your guide to being a good human being and behaving in ways that make others feel good, too.

1. Be kind.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind. To yourself and to others. Both offline and online. You never know how much that other person might need your kindness. Often, it's more than you think.

In our noisy world, it's sometimes hard to feel heard. Be the person that makes someone feel heard. Really listen to everything they have to say. Ask them how they are and listen to their answer fully. Let them speak as long as they want to.

3. Be non-judgmental.

With yourself and with others. Everyone is doing the best they can with the knowledge they have, including you. Adopt an attitude of tolerance and accept that we are all different. That's what makes each one of us so unique and life so interesting.

4. Support people's decisions.

Even when you might not agree with them. Trust that they are doing what they feel is right for them, and respect that. Everyone has the right to live a life true to them. Everyone has the right to make their own choices.

5. Be someone's biggest cheerleader.

You can never have too many supporters. Encourage your people to go after their dreams and support them in their journey in any way you can. Let them know that they are not alone. Let them know that you are there for them.

6. Be polite.

This seems like an obvious one, but it's amazing how rude you can come across when sending an email or message in a moment of frustration. If you're in a negative place, don't send anything. Write a draft if you need to, but do not send it until you've had a chance to look at it when you're feeling good and calm.

The same applies to spoken word. Take a breath before you lash out. Take a moment to re-center so that you can approach the challenge from a better place.

7. Live a life that's true to you.

There are too many people living lives that someone else told them to live. Don't be one of them. Live a life that is true to you. Live the life that you're yearning to live. When you do, you'll inspire others to do the same.

You've only got one shot at life—and, let's face it, none of us know how long it will be. So make the most out of it. Starting today.

8. Take care of yourself.

If you don't take care of yourself, no one else will. You are responsible for your emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Take charge of it and take good care of it. That's the only way you will show up as your best possible self. And the world deserves to see you at your best.

9. Take care of others.

Sometimes people aren't prepared to ask for help—so offer it regularly. The people who need it the most are often the ones who are trying to put a strong front out to the world. Don't be fooled by this, and offer your help to those you think might be in need of it.

10. Smile if you feel it.

Never underestimate the power of a genuine smile. It will warm the recipient's heart and make them want to smile too. As a bonus, you'll feel better too. Everyone who smiles does.

Susanna Newsonen , MAPP, is a philosopher and writer. Her mission is to spread hope and love, one reader at a time.

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How to Be a Good Person Essay

What does it mean to be a good person? The essay below aims to answer this question. It focuses on the qualities of a good person.

Introduction

What does it mean to be a good person, qualities of good person, works cited.

The term “good” has relative meanings depending on the person who is defining it. Several qualities can be used to define what constitutes a good person. However, there are certain basic qualities that are used to define a good person. They include honesty, trust, generosity, compassion, empathy, humility, and forgiveness (Gelven 24).

These qualities are important because they promote peaceful coexistence among people because they prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. A good person is fair and just to all and does not judge people. He or she is nice to everyone regardless of religion, race, social and economic class, health status, or physical state (Gelven 25).

A good person treats other people with respect, care, and compassion. Respect shows that an individual values and views the other person as a worthy human being who deserves respect. Compassion is a quality that enables people to identify with other people’s suffering (Gelven 27). It motivates people to offer help in order to alleviate the suffering of others. A good person has compassion for others and finds ways to help people who are suffering. Showing compassion for the suffering makes them happy.

It promotes empathy, understanding, and support. In addition, good people are forgiving. They do not hold grudges and let go of anger that might lead them to hurt others. They think positively and focus their thoughts on things that improve their relationships (Needleman 33). They avoid thinking about past mistakes or wrongs done by others. Instead, they think of how they can forgive and move on.

A good person is honest and trustworthy. This implies that they avoid all situations that might hurt the other person, such as telling lies, revealing secrets, and gossiping (Needleman 34). As such, their character or personality cannot be doubted because they do not harbor hidden intentions.

They act in open ways that reveal their true characters and personalities. On the other hand, good people are kind and respectful. They offer help voluntarily and work hard to improve the well-being of other people. In addition, they treat all people equally despite their social, physical, or sexual orientations. Good people do not discriminate, hate, deny people their rights, steal, lie, or engage in corrupt practices (Tuan 53).

Good people behave courageously and view the world as a fair and beautiful place to live in (Needleman 40). They view the world as a beautiful place that offers equal opportunities to everyone. Good people believe that humans have the freedom to either make the world a better or worse place to live in. They act and behave in ways that improve and make the world a better place.

For example, they conserve the environment by keeping it clean for future generations. A popular belief holds that people who conserve the environment are not good but just environmental enthusiasts. However, that notion is incorrect and untrue. People conserve the environment because of their goodness. They think not only about themselves but also about future generations (Tuan 53). They are not self-centered and mean but generous and caring.

Good people are characterized by certain qualities that include trust, honesty, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, respect, courage, and goodwill. They do not steal, lie, discriminate, or deny people their rights. They think about others’ welfare and advocate for actions that make the world a better place. They promote justice and fairness because they view everyone as a deserving and worthy human being.

Gelven, Michael. The Risk of Being: What it Means to be Good and Bad . New York: Penn State Press, 1997. Print.

Needleman, Jacob. Why Can’t We be good? New York: Penguin Group US, 2007. Print.

Tuan, Yi-Fu. Human Goodness . New York: University of Wisconsin Press, 2008. Print.

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Are You a Good Person?

What makes someone a good person? Do you strive to be one?

By Jeremy Engle

Find all our Student Opinion questions here.

Has anyone ever said that you were a good person? Is being good something you strive to be or aspire toward?

In “ How to Be Good ,” Simran Sethi sought out a therapist, a scholar, a monk, a C.E.O. and others to learn about bringing our best to everything we do, every day. She begins by exploring the meaning of goodness:

Rachana Kamtekar, a professor of philosophy at Cornell University, explained goodness by way of ancient Greek philosophy: “For Plato, goodness is the same as happiness. We desire appetitively because of our bodies. We desire emotionally because of our sense of self in contact with other human beings. And we also have rational desires to understand how to do what’s best. Our goodness requires all of these capacities to be developed and then expressed.” This can be a lifelong process — something that is never perfectly realized but should always be struggled for. “Goodness is impermanent and organic, meaning it can progress as well as regress,” said Chan Phap Dung, a senior monk at the Plum Village meditation center founded by the Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. And that is why, he said, we have to be steadfast in caring for ourselves and the world at large. “In politics and culture, in the media and corporations, we have cultivated conditions that have produced a lot of violence, discrimination and despair for which there is a collective level of responsibility.” Because many of us have a complicated relationship with what it means to be good, it can help to reframe the subject and widen it. “Some people flinch when they ponder whether or not they or others are ‘good’ because the words ‘good’ and ‘goodness’ have long been associated with obedience,” the author and former “Dear Sugars” podcast host Cheryl Strayed shared in response to a query from The Times. “I reject that definition,” she said. “Goodness is expressed through lovingkindness, generosity of spirit and deed, and the thoughtful consideration of others. It can be as simple as offering to let someone ahead of you in line and as complicated as making yearslong sacrifices of your freedom because someone you love needs your help. Over the course of a lifetime, most of us do both.”

Ms. Sethi shared the insights of a variety of people who think a lot about what it means to be good. Here are four of their suggestions:

Be kind. Harriet Lerner, psychologist and author “Kindness is at the center of what it means to be good. It may require very little from us, or the opposite. It may require words and action, or restraint and silence. Everything that can be said can be said with kindness. Every tough position we have to take can be taken with kindness. No exceptions. Being a good person requires that we work toward that unrealized world where the dignity and integrity of all human beings, all life, are honored and respected.” Pay attention. Brother Chan Phap Dung, senior monk, Plum Village “In the Buddhist tradition, the training starts with learning how to stop and come back to the present moment and enjoy our breathing. We stop to recognize what is happening within us and around us: our feelings, our thinking, whether our body is relaxed or in tension, who is there in front of us or what are we doing. With repetition, we begin to see and understand ourselves better — and choose to do one thing rather than another.” Ask hard questions. The Rev. William J. Barber II, civil rights activist “As a public theologian, I tend to look at what has lifted us when we found ourselves at our lowest — what has called us to a better place. How are we, as a nation and as a people, using life itself to create good for the poor and broken and captive and for those who are made to feel unaccepted? We must constantly raise that question as we live life — seeking to answer it not only individually, but together. We need to embrace those deepest moral values that call us to, first and foremost, seek love, truth, justice and concern for others.” Hold yourself accountable. Rachana Kamtekar, professor of philosophy, Cornell University “You have to know what your different motivations are, know how strong they are and if you can get some of them to pull against the others . I was a smoker in my 20s and 30s. Like many smokers, I resolved to quit on multiple occasions. When I was 40, I told my son and his buddies that I had been a smoker and had quit. I knew if I ever smoked again, I was going to have to tell them. My aversion to those kids thinking of me as a smoker swamped any desire I had to smoke. When I added to my rational resolution this prospect of something like shame — that I was going to have to face these kids and say, “I am a smoker” — it changed.”

Students, read the entire article, then tell us:

Do you feel you are a good person? Why or why not? Are there ways you wish you were better?

Cheryl Strayed said that goodness “can be as simple as offering to let someone ahead of you in line and as complicated as making yearslong sacrifices of your freedom because someone you love needs your help.” Do you agree? What is your definition of goodness?

Which insights and suggestions from the article resonated with you most? Explain why.

Where do your ideas about goodness, and morals more generally, come from? Have they been shaped by friends and family, culture or religious beliefs?

Has anyone ever said that you were a good person? If yes, what do you think they meant? How did that make you feel?

Nick Hornby said, “I think all one can ever really do is to try and keep goodness close to you as an ambition — make sure that it’s one of the ways in which you think.” Is goodness an important goal for you? Do you strive to be good?

What suggestions would you give to others who seek to be good?

Students 13 and older are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public.

Jeremy Engle joined The Learning Network as a staff editor in 2018 after spending more than 20 years as a classroom humanities and documentary-making teacher, professional developer and curriculum designer working with students and teachers across the country. More about Jeremy Engle

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How to Be a Better Person

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

We all want to be our best, but many people wonder if it's actually possible to become a better person once you're an adult. The answer is a resounding yes. There are always ways to improve yourself. This answer leads to more questions, however.

How can you improve yourself to be a better person? What is the easiest approach? And what are the most important aspects of self to work on? Taking into account your own well-being as well as the best interests of others, here are some of the most important ways to become a better person. 

Let Go of Anger

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We all experience anger in our lives. Uncontrolled anger, however, can create problems in our relationships and even with our health. All of this can lead to more stress and additional problems, complicating life and keeping us from being our best selves. That's why learning to manage and eventually let go of anger is so important to becoming a better person.

Letting go of anger isn't always easy. But the first step is learning more about recognizing anger and knowing what to do when you feel angry in your life.

Recognizing anger is often simple if you make an effort to notice when you feel upset and decide to manage this feeling rather than denying it or lashing out at others as a way of coping. Focus on noticing when you feel angry and why, and know that there is a difference between feeling angry and acting on that anger. Then, know your options.

You can change your beliefs about what is making you angry. This can work by learning more about the situation, or even reminding yourself there may be things you don't know yet.

Remind yourself that maybe that person who cut you off in traffic was distracted by something challenging in their own life. If a friend seems to be rude to you, inquire about how their day is going and find out if there's more that you don't know.

You can also focus on what your "anger triggers" are, and eliminate them as possible. For example, if you find yourself becoming frustrated and angry when you have to rush, work on making more space in your schedule (even if it means saying "no" a little more), and try to eliminate that trigger. If a certain person makes you angry, try to limit their role in your life if it doesn't work to talk things out with them first.

It's also important to learn to let go of grudges and residual anger from each day. Don't wake up holding a grudge from the night before if you can help it. Focus on forgiveness , even if it means you don't let someone who wronged you continue to have an important role in your life. When you stay in the present moment as much as possible, this becomes easier.

Practicing stress relievers like meditation can also help you to let go of anger. Focus on releasing the hold that the past may have on you. Put your attention to the current moment and it becomes easier to avoid rumination and stay in a good place.

Support Others

Helping others may seem like an obvious route to becoming a better person. We often think of "good people" as those who are willing to sacrifice for others. This, in the minds of many, is what makes a person "good." However, good deeds can also make us better people because of the connection between altruism and emotional well-being.

According to research, it just may be true that it's better to give than to receive. So while you may feel too stressed and busy to extend help to others when it's not absolutely necessary, expanding your ability to focus on the needs of others can really help you as well. It’s true:  Altruism  is its own reward and can actually help you relieve stress.

Studies show that altruism is good for your emotional well-being and can measurably enhance your peace of mind.  

For example, one study found that dialysis patients, transplant patients, and family members who became support volunteers for other patients experienced increased personal growth and emotional well-being.

Another study on patients with multiple sclerosis (MS) showed that those who offered other MS patients peer support actually experienced greater benefits than their supported peers, including more pronounced improvement of confidence, self-awareness , self-esteem , depression, and daily functioning. Those who offered support generally found that their lives were dramatically changed for the better.

In addition to making the world a better place, exercising your altruism can make you a happier, more compassionate person. Because there are so many ways to express altruism, this is a simple route to being a better person, one that is available to all of us every day. This is good news indeed.

Leverage Your Strengths

Losing track of time when you’re absorbed in fulfilling work or another engaging activity, or what psychologists refer to as " flow ," is a familiar state for most of us. Flow is what happens when you get deeply involved in a hobby, in learning a new skill or subject, or in engaging in activities that supply just the right mix of challenge and ease.   

When we feel too challenged, we feel stressed. When things are too easy, we may become bored—either way, finding the sweet spot between these two extremes keeps us engaged in a very good way.

You can experience flow by writing, dancing, creating, or absorbing new material that you can teach others.

What may bring you to that state of being may be challenging for others, and vice versa. Think about when you find yourself in this state most often, and try doing more of that.

The state of flow is a good indicator of whether an activity is right for you. When you're in a state of flow, you're leveraging your strengths, and this turns out to be great for your emotional health and happiness. It's also a very positive thing for the rest of the world because your strengths can usually be used to help others in some way. 

When you learn enough about yourself to know what your best strengths are and find out how to use them for the benefit of others, you're on your way to being a better person, and a happier one as well.

Use the "Stages of Change" Model

Ask yourself: If you had a magic wand, what would you like to see in your future? Ignoring the ideas of how you’ll get there, vividly imagine your ideal life, and what would be included in it.

Take a few minutes to list, on paper or on your computer, the changes and goals that would be included in this picture. Be specific about what you want. It’s okay if you want something that you seemingly have no control over, such as a mate who is perfect for you. Just write it down.

You may follow the lead of many businesses and have a one-year, five-year, and 10-year plan for your life. (It doesn’t have to be a set-in-stone  plan , but a list of wishes and goals.) Keeping in mind what you hope for in your future can help you feel less stuck in the stressful parts of your present life, and help you see more options for change as they present themselves.

There are several ways to focus on change, but the stages of change model can lead you to your best self perhaps more easily than many other paths. This model of change can be adapted to whatever mindset you have right now and can work for most people.

The Stages of Change Model

• Precontemplation : Ignoring the problem
• Contemplation : Aware of the problem
• Preparation : Getting ready to change
• Action : Taking direct action toward the goal
• Maintenance : Maintaining new behavior
• Relapse : Reaffirm your goal and commitment to change

One of the most important parts of this route to change is that you don't push yourself to make changes before you're ready, and you don't give up if you find yourself backsliding—it's a forgivable and even expected part of the process of change. Understanding this plan for making changes can help you to be a better person in whatever ways you choose.

Press Play for Advice on Creating Change

This episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares how to use the six stages of change to apply them to your own process of change. Click below to listen now.

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Take Care of Yourself

Stígur Már Karlsson / Heimsmyndir / Getty Images

You may not always have control over the circumstances you face. But you  can  control how well you take care of yourself, which can affect your stress levels and enable you to grow as a person when you face life's challenges.

Self-care is vital for building resilience when facing unavoidable stressors for several reasons. When you're tired, eating poorly, or generally run down, you will likely be more reactive to the stress you face in your life. You can even end up creating more problems for yourself by reacting poorly rather than responding from a place of calm inner strength.

Conversely, when you're taking good care of yourself (both your physical and mental health ), you can be more thoughtfully engaged with whatever comes, use the resources you have in your life, and grow from the challenges you face, rather than merely surviving them.

Taking proper care of your body, soul, and mind can keep you in optimum shape for handling stress. That gives you added resilience to manage those challenges in life that we all face, as well as those that may be unique to you.

Basics of Self-Care

In terms of self-care strategies , there are several that can help, but some of the most important aspects of self-care include the basics:

• Connection with others

Sleep is important for your emotional and physical well-being because too little or poor quality sleep can leave you feeling more stressed and less able to brainstorm solutions to problems you face. Lack of sleep can take a toll on your body as well, both in the short term and in the long run. Poor sleep can even affect your weight.

The same is true with poor nutrition. A poor diet can leave you feeling bloated and tired, and can add extra pounds over time. You need the right fuel to face life's challenges, but when stress hits, it's often the unhealthy food we crave.

Social Connections

Feeling connected to others can help you feel more resilient. Good friends can help you to process negative emotions, brainstorm solutions, and get your mind off your problems when necessary. It's sometimes challenging to find time for friends when you have a busy, stressful life, but our friends often make us better people both with their support and their inspiration.

Finally, it is important to take a little time for yourself. This can mean journaling and meditation, or it can come in the form of exercise or even watching re-runs at home. This is particularly important for introverts , but everyone needs some time to themselves, at least sometimes.

Learn to Be User-Friendly

Our relationships can create a haven from stress, and help us to become better people at the same time. They can also be a  significant source of stress when there is conflict that is resolved poorly or left to fester. The beauty of this is that as we do the work it takes to become a better friend, partner, and family member, it can also be a path to becoming a better person.

To improve your relationships and yourself, learn conflict resolution skills. These skills include being a good listener, understanding the other side when you are in conflict, and anger management techniques .

These things can help us be better versions of ourselves. They can also minimize the stress we experience in relationships, making these relationships stronger. Close relationships usually provide plenty of opportunities to practice these skills as you work on improving them, so you can perhaps even appreciate the opportunities when they arise and feel less upset.

Mental Health Foundation. Cool down: Anger and how to deal with it .

Post SG. Altruism, happiness, and health: It's good to be good . Int J Behav Med . 2005;12(2):66-77. doi:10.1207/s15327558ijbm1202_4

Cheron G. How to measure the psychological "flow"? A neuroscience perspective . Front Psychol . 2016;7:1823. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01823

Sadler-Gerhardt CJ, Stevenson DL. When it all hits the fan: Helping counselors build resilience and avoid burnout . American Counseling Association VISTAS 2012(1).

National Sleep Foundation. How much sleep do we really need?

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

How To Be A Good Person And Why It Matters

What makes a person a “good” person? Should we strive to be good—and if so, why? If you asked twenty people what it means to be a good person, chances are you would get twenty different answers. What individuals perceive to be good character traits can vary depending on several factors. Religion, culture, and family dynamics, for example, can all play a part in forming one's viewpoint on a topic like this.

Note that human beings are complex and that sorting all people into the strict binary of “good” or “bad” is generally not possible or particularly helpful. Attempting to do so can even result in distorted thinking, which can sometimes lead to mental health concerns like low self-esteem, anxiety, or depression. Here, we’ll use being a “good” person as a general term that refers to behaving in ways that are broadly considered to be considerate and kind, but it can be helpful to keep in mind the deep nuances of a topic like morality .

What is goodness?

The word "good" is  defined by Merriam-Webster  as "virtuous, right and commendable; kind and benevolent."  Henry David Thoreau  was quoted as saying, "Goodness is the only investment that never fails."

A “good” person often has certain habits or characteristics that reflect their efforts to be a considerate individual who avoids harming others. While, again, these can vary from person to person and culture to culture, a few general examples of these traits can include the following.

The empathy definition in psychology is the ability to emotionally understand another person's feelings by imagining yourself in their position. An empathetic person tends to be able to express an understanding of how others feel and treat them accordingly.

An individual who wants to be a good person might also strive to be honest with themselves and others. Dishonesty can damage trust between two people and potentially lead to distance or conflict within a relationship.

Someone who practices the principle of fairness might aim to be aware of their biases and avoid letting those negatively affect others. This could manifest as a belief in justice or equality, for example. 

Responsibility

Responsibility or accountability for one’s actions is also considered by many to be a sign of a good person. It usually involves an effort to make decisions that aren’t harmful to others and to take ownership of them if they are.

Why being a good person matters

One’s motivation for being “good” can vary widely. Research suggests that altruism—or the act of showing selfless concern for the well-being of others—is a uniquely human trait, of which there are many examples. Biologically, evolutionarily, or on some other level, many may feel generally driven to be kind and not harmful—a trait that many people equate with being a good person. 

However, there are many other complex factors that go into how humans decide to behave, and our actions can have effects on many areas of our lives. If you’re in the process of deciding what values you want to live by, you might consider some of these potential outcomes of who you may choose to be. 

Effects on your career and opportunities

Your actions and behaviors help build your reputation which, among many other factors, can help to create the opportunities you encounter in life. Behaving in ways that are generally respectful of others may help others develop a positive opinion of you. This could lead to benefits in your career and other opportunities that may help you achieve what you’re looking for in life.

Effects on relationships

The way we behave can also impact how others see us and relate to us, which can affect our relationships overall. For instance, many people are looking for friends and romantic partners who are “good” people in that they’re honest, caring, respectful, etc. People who are looking for healthy, supportive relationships often tend to seek out others who make them feel safe rather than uneasy or disrespected.

Feeling a sense of purpose

Deciding on a set of values that you want to live by and then sticking to them as best you can may help give you a direction and a purpose in life. This may even correlate with less loneliness and better overall health.

Seeking support related to being a good person

The idea of being a “good” person can affect a person’s mental health in a variety of ways. For instance, a person might have trouble coping with mistakes they’ve made in the past and how they may have affected those around them. Or, they could hold themselves to an impossible standard of perfection , which could lead to feelings of depression or anxiety. If you’re looking for support in discovering your values or changing the way you relate to morality , a therapist may be able to help.

If you’re interested in therapy but prefer to receive this type of care from the comfort of home, you might try online therapy. In one study published in World Psychiatry, researchers examined the effectiveness of online therapy in treating a wide range of mental health disorders. Their research indicates that online therapy can be as effective as face-to-face counseling in many cases, which reflects the similar findings of other studies as well. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging. See below for client reviews of BetterHelp counselors.

Counselor reviews

"Michal has been very supportive. Her techniques are very handy and have really helped me switch my negative thoughts to positive ones. Looking forward to learning more from her to become a better version of myself. Thank you Michal."

"Krysten has been an immense help in dealing with and confronting my anger and depression issues. I started to notice immediate changes in my general disposition within a week of working with her. My friends and family have even said I seem less bitter and jaded. And the fact that I can communicate with her frequently has done wonders in keeping me on track and progressing forward. My time working with Krysten and being on BetterHelp has been a positive experience and done much more for me than traditional in-office therapy ever did."

How can you become a good person?

There isn’t a consistent definition of what makes a good person. Even rules that seem constant and rigid, like “Good people don’t hurt others,” can become flexible under the right conditions. For instance, most humans condemn murder and believe it is morally wrong, yet there are often exceptions that allow for taking a life in the case of self-defense or during war. 

Deciding what makes you a good person requires understanding your moral identity . What do you believe to be morally right? When can the rules be bent or broken? Do small actions, like holding the door open for someone, make you a good person, or does it take a more substantial effort, like volunteering for charity work?

Becoming a good person means understanding your moral code and improving yourself until your actions consistently reflect your values. While that journey is different for everybody, there are some common tips that may help you: 

• Don’t make excuses. Becoming a good person is a personal responsibility, and no one can achieve your goal besides you. Be wary of pointing the finger at others; becoming a good person often means examining your mistakes and making peace with your shortcomings. 
• Use honest and direct communication. Lies and deception are rarely seen as traits kind people possess. Learn to articulate your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly. 
• Help others. Take time to assist others when you can; helping others through tough times will likely improve your reputation and self-perception. Good deeds and kindness are commonly considered a foundational part of being a good person. 
• Become a good listener. Knowing how to listen actively can make it easier for you to understand and empathize with others. Empathy is commonly associated with goodness, and demonstrating empathy is likely an important skill to have. 
• Always be respectful . Your words and actions should always demonstrate respect for the people around you and the environment that you’re in. Take time to learn how to control your negative emotions. You don’t have to agree with everything or appease everyone, but even when disagreeing, you should maintain a respectful tone and demeanor. 

What is the point of being a good person?

Philosophers have debated the reasons for being a good person for centuries. Today, there are several philosophical and sociological arguments that justify good behavior. One of the longest-running unsettled arguments is the egoism/altruism debate . The egoism/altruism debate examines what motivates humans to be good to each other.  

The altruism side of the argument asserts that humans have an intrinsic drive to help others. The existence of an empathetic connection between humans supports the altruism argument. For example, if a person comes across someone who is injured, they are likely to try to assist them, probably because they empathize with their position. In the altruism argument, empathy motivates good and helpful behavior, allowing for self-sacrifice with no prospect of receiving a reward . 

In contrast, the egoism argument suggests that people tend to be motivated to help others for self-serving reasons. It may elevate their status in society, make it more likely they can receive help from others, or put others in their debt. Furthermore, some proponents of the egoist perspective assert that even when someone helps another with no intention of a reward, the warm feeling of satisfaction that commonly comes after helping someone else may serve as its own reward. From an egoist perspective, helping behavior is inherently self-serving, no matter whether an external reward is expected. 

How do you feel like a good person?

Feeling like a good person is often related to self-improvement and self-acceptance. You will likely feel good when your behaviors align with your core values. No matter what your exact definition of a “good person” may be, if your actions match your beliefs, you will likely feel like a good person. 

You may want to consider building your self-esteem and recognizing your strengths. You likely have much to offer the world around you, and recognizing your inherent goodness can help you feel better about yourself. Self-examination may also be helpful. Taking time to analyze your understanding of what is morally right may offer insight into how you can be a good person on your terms. 

How can I be a better person and happy?

Self-improvement is likely one of the most critical steps toward becoming happier. People with good personalities who understand their place in the world and surround themselves with a support network tend to be much happier than those who do not reach those goals. Achieving those goals requires committing to self-improvement and growth. It requires a willingness to examine your moral identity and develop an understanding of how you conceptualize the difference between good and bad.

Many people begin by identifying their strengths and improving their self-esteem . You likely have strengths to offer, and utilizing your natural strengths can make becoming a better person much easier. Early in your self-improvement process, you should decide on reasonable goals that will continually make you a better person. Goal-setting can be challenging ; it is important that you stay within your limits and grow into a better person at a reasonable pace. 

How can I improve myself every day?

Committing to daily positive change is likely a worthwhile goal. Improving yourself daily lets you take small steps towards a larger personal goal. Many people find setting both long-term and short-term goals to be helpful. Long-term goals should represent relatively large aspirations related to your self-improvement, and short-term goals should represent steps you can take to achieve your larger goals. 

Ensuring that your long-term and short-term goals are reasonably achievable is important. Your goals shouldn’t take so little effort that you don’t have to work to attain them, but they shouldn’t be so hard that you risk burnout trying to accomplish them. Appropriately balancing your goals is likely to help you stay on track and motivated as you incorporate daily self-improvement into your life.  

How can I change myself to be better?

Bettering yourself requires time, effort, and dedication. When you set goals and work toward them, you are physically changing the pathways in your brain , which requires consistent effort and repetition. If you are trying to rid yourself of bad habits or develop better ones, you may need to commit days, weeks, or months to the process. That is why choosing achievable goals is so important; if you go too long without reaching a goal, you may experience depleted willpower and burnout. 

When deciding your goals and how you want to achieve them, it may be helpful to study your successes. You likely have many strengths you can leverage on your self-improvement journey, some of which you may not realize you have. Consider paying close attention to the positive feedback you receive from others. 

Reflect on what strengths are apparent and how you can use those good qualities to achieve your goals. If feedback from others in your life is sparse, consider asking those around you for feedback directly. Don’t expect everything to be positive; you should be prepared for some (hopefully constructive) criticism. You can reflect on the criticism, too, especially if it conflicts with your goals, but be sure to come back around to the positive. 

How do I get better at something?

No matter what skill you are trying to develop, getting better at something requires willpower and persistence. Self-improvement requires actions that physically change your brain as your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors change. Sticking to your goals is arguably the most challenging part of getting better at something, especially at the beginning of the process. 

Here are some basic steps to help you remain committed to your self-improvement journey: 

• Develop a growth mindset. A person with a growth mindset sees failure as a necessary part of success. You may want to work on accepting the trials and tribulations of personal growth. Doing so may make it easier to avoid burnout and stay committed to your goals. 
• Develop refined goals. Goals that are too broad (e.g., “I want to get better”) are difficult to achieve. It is important that your goals be attainable . Each time you achieve one of your goals, the reward center in your brain reinforces the behavior that got you there. Refined goals are balanced; they aren’t so easy that you don’t have to work to achieve them and aren’t so hard that you burn out trying to attain them. 
• Keep your focus. It is easy to get distracted from whatever improvement goals you have. Vices and bad habits are potential distractions, but so are the demands of daily life. Other people’s poor behavior can distract you as well. Consider learning to forgive people quickly, for your sake, instead of theirs.  Make sure you are reminding yourself of your goals and tracking your progress daily. 
• Maintain accountability. Monitoring your progress towards your goals lets you analyze how your journey is coming along. If there are areas where you are struggling to progress, take time to figure out where the challenges are and how you can overcome them. Take responsibility for your own progress; only you can make yourself a better person. 

How do you keep growing in life?

Consistent personal growth requires dedication and commitment. As you become a better person, you will need to identify new growth areas and goals to move forward. It is likely prudent to engage in self-evaluation regularly. Take time to learn yourself, understand your moral identity , and determine which goals you should set next in your improvement journey. 

It may also be helpful to  seek feedback from others. Friends, family, and coworkers can all be valuable sources of insight into your strengths and weaknesses. When seeking feedback from others, ask that they be open and honest with you. This means that you will need to prepare yourself to receive negative as well as positive feedback. Although criticism can be unpleasant - even if it’s constructive - listening to negative feedback can help illustrate areas for personal development, while positive improvement-oriented feedback is likely to improve your performance overall.

• Overcoming Hopelessness: Tips To Help You Feel Better Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson , MA
• Do's and don'ts: Addressing a loved one’s hoarding disorder Medically reviewed by Laura Angers Maddox , NCC, LPC
• Relationships and Relations

Greater Good Science Center • Magazine • In Action • In Education

How Can We Become Better Humans?

One beautiful summer day in the ocean off Panama City Beach, two boys out for a swim got caught in a rip current. When their mother heard their cries, she and several other family members dove into the ocean, only to be trapped in the current, too. Then, in a powerful display of character, complete strangers on the beach took action. Forming a human chain of 70 to 80 bodies , they stretched out into the ocean and rescued everyone.

Stories like this inspire me with hope about what human beings are capable of doing. Though we may face a daily barrage of depressing reports about sexual harassment, corruption, and child abuse, stories of human goodness help to give us another perspective on our human character.

But, as we know too well, there is also a darker side to our character. Take, for example, the story of Walter Vance, 61, who was shopping in his local Target for Christmas decorations. It was Black Friday and the store was mobbed when Vance fell to the floor in cardiac arrest and lay motionless. The other shoppers did nothing. In fact, some people even stepped over his body to continue their bargain hunting. Eventually, a few nurses used CPR, but by then he was too far gone.

Why do strangers help in one situation and simply ignore someone in need in another? This is one of the questions at the heart of my new book, The Character Gap: How Good Are We? In the book, I outline the psychological research on moral behavior to show why sometimes we act morally and sometimes we don’t, based on who we are and what’s happening around us. Using insights gleaned from this science, I recommend steps we can take to strengthen our moral character.

The good and the bad of our character

While it may shock you to hear about Vance’s story, none of this is surprising in light of certain psychological research. For decades now, psychologists have found that if there is an emergency but no one else is doing anything to help, then we are very unlikely to help ourselves. In their famous “lady in distress” study , for instance, Columbia psychologists Bibb Latané and Judith Rodin report that when participants heard cries of pain from a woman who had fallen in the next room, only 7 percent did anything to help if they were with a stranger who was not helping.

This is just one illustration of the darker side of our character, but there are others. Studies have found that we are quite willing to cheat for monetary gain when we can get away with it. We also tend to lie to about 30 percent of the people we see in a given day. And most disturbing of all, with encouragement from an authority figure, a majority of people are willing to give increasingly severe electric shocks to a test-taker—even up to a lethal jolt.

Yet there is also much more encouraging news about character. For instance, Daniel Batson has done more than thirty years of fascinating research on how empathy can have a profound impact on our desire to help others in need. In one study , after Batson got students to empathize with a complete stranger experiencing a terrible tragedy, the number of students willing to help her dramatically rose to 76 percent, compared to 37 percent in a control group.

Other researchers found that cheating on a test dropped when participants first sat in front of a mirror and looked at themselves before the opportunity to cheat arose. And in the “lady in distress” study, for participants who were alone in the next room when they heard the cries of pain, 70 percent did something to help. Finally, in different versions of the shock experiments, when the authority figure was completely hands-off and the participant chose the shock level to administer for each wrong answer, the maximum was much lower—only an average of 5.5 out of 30 levels.

How to close the character gap

What are we to make of findings in these and hundreds of other studies of moral behavior?

While it’s important to talk about being virtuous—wise, compassionate, and honest—and avoid being immoral—cruel, cowardly, and deceitful—most of us aren’t completely one way or the other. There are exceptions, but the majority of us are somewhere in the middle, sometimes virtuous, sometimes less so.

Fortunately, there are promising strategies that aim to reduce what I call the “character gap,” or the space between how we should be (virtuous people) and how we actually tend to be (a mixed bag). Here are a few from my new book.

Emulate moral role models. Positive moral role models can be a source of admiration. But admiration is not enough: I admire what the U.S. curling team did in the 2018 Olympics, yet my life has changed little as a result. Rather, we need our moral heroes to move us and inspire us to emulate them.

For many years, research has demonstrated the impact of role models on moral behavior. In another study involving nearby screams of pain , researchers had observers rate how helpful participants were. When participants were with someone who jumped up and went into the next room to see what had happened, they helped much more often than if they were with someone who didn’t help.

Moral role models can be real or fictional people. They can be from the distant past or the present, well-known figures in society or someone who cleans our office building, distant strangers or close friends and family members. The more attached to them we are personally, the more profoundly they are likely to impact our character.

Use moral reminders. The customers who ignored Walter Vance or the participants asked to shock others in an experiment lost sight of what was important in life. Moral reminders can shift our attention toward what matters.

Recent studies on cheating support the role of moral reminders. In one popular setup, participants take a 20-problem test with a $0.50 incentive per correct answer. The control group has someone in charge check the answers at the end. The experimental group lets the participants themselves grade their own answers, shred all their materials, and then report their number of “correct” answers. Inevitably, the average performance is higher in this group, with some studies finding as many as double the number of problems “solved.”

Yet when a new group of participants has this same opportunity to cheat, but is first given a moral reminder—such as being asked to recall the Ten Commandments or sign their university’s honor code—the cheating disappears.

Moral reminders can get us back on track, and the more we use them, the more habitual or second nature they can become.

Learn about yourself. Learning more about the feelings, emotions, and desires that could be obstacles to virtue can also help reduce the character gap. Once we gain this deeper self-awareness, we can work on trying to curb and correct their influence.

For instance, the fear of embarrassment or of getting involved in someone else’s situation likely kept people from doing anything to help Walter Vance. Indeed, that fear may in part explain why, in general, helping is so much lower when people are in a group of unresponsive strangers.

University of Montana psychologist Arthur Beaman and his colleagues wanted to see how learning about our own psychology might reduce the group effect. When students in the study came across a (staged) emergency in the presence of an unresponsive stranger, only 25 percent helped. But for students who had attended a lecture on the psychology of groups and helping two weeks earlier, 42.5 percent helped.

In sum, the character gap is real and, in many of us, large. Fortunately, though, it is not insurmountable. These strategies and others can help us strengthen our moral character and rise to the occasion when moral action is required. In the world today, we all need to do our part to make sure we are not stepping over someone who is suffering, and instead lend a hand.

About the Author

Christian B. Miller

Christian B. Miller, Ph.D. , is A. C. Reid Professor of Philosophy at Wake Forest University and the author or editor of eight books. His most recent, The Character Gap: How Good Are We? has just been released with Oxford University Press. This article is an expanded version of his blog post at the Virtue Insight blog , and is used here with permission of the Jubilee Centre for Character and Virtues.

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How to Be a Good Person

Last Updated: May 17, 2024 Approved

This article was co-authored by Tracey Rogers, MA . Tracey L. Rogers is a Certified Life Coach and Professional Astrologer based in Philadelphia. Tracey has over 10 years of life coaching and astrology experience. Her work has been featured on nationally syndicated radio, as well as online platforms such as Oprah.com. She is certified as a Coach by the Life Purpose Institute, and she has an MA in International Education from George Washington University. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 79 testimonials and 87% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 1,730,914 times.

Being a good person means more than just doing things for others. You have to accept and love yourself before you can put positive energy into the universe. Philosophers have been debating what is good and what is not for centuries, and many people find that it's more complicated than just being kind . While every person's journey is different, being good has a lot to do with discovering yourself and your role in the world. In order to truly be good, you will have to consider what 'goodness' means to you. Perhaps this means doing good for others, or simply being an honest and kind person. Use some of the following tips to help yourself be a better person.

Being a Good Person

Emulate characteristics of good people like honesty and respect. As much as possible, go out of your way to help others and always be a good listener when people are sharing with you. Don’t make excuses for your past mistakes—just improve yourself going forward!

Improving Yourself

• What is your ideal person? Make a list of traits that you believe make up a good, ideal person. Start living your life according to these traits. [2] X Research source
• Are you waiting for something in return? Are you doing things because it will help you look good? Or are you doing things because you truly want to give and help? Stop putting up airs and adopt the attitude of giving without expectation of receiving anything in return. [3] X Research source
• Being good does not mean only by outer goodness. You have to consider being good straight from the heart (i.e., purely). Ultimately, you have to decide on your own code of ethics, and what matters is that you follow through with what you believe makes you a good person. At times, this may conflict with what others believe is good, and they might even accuse you of being wrong or evil. Consider their views - either they know something you don't, in which case you may learn something from them and update your morality, or perhaps their experience is limited, meaning that you should take their views with a grain of salt.

• Who do you look up to and why? How are they making the world a better place to live in, and how can you do the same?
• What qualities do you admire in them, and how can you develop the same ones?
• Keep your role model close to you, like a friendly spirit that is always at your side. Think of how they would respond to a question or circumstance, and how you should respond in the same manner.

• You have your own unique gifts and talents . Focus on sharing them with the world instead of focusing on the gifts of another. [8] X Research source

• Are you superficially acting like a good person? If you are self-loathing and angry on the inside, you may not be a good person despite all your outward actions.

• Be good for its own sake. Don't try to be a good person because your parents told you to, because you want recognition or respect, or for any kind of reward except your own satisfaction in doing what you believe is good. Never act superior to anyone else or brag about your "goodness" or "righteousness". Your dedication to a particular creed, ideology, or set of guidelines does not make you better than anyone else. Do what you believe makes you a good person on your own terms, and remember that it's an individual journey - everyone's path is unique. " Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame." — Alexander Pope.

• Find a private, safe space free from distractions. Sit in a comfortable position. Clear your mind from all thoughts and take a few deep, slow breaths. Observe the thoughts in your head. Don't feel or react, just observe. If your focus breaks, just count to ten. Meditate until you feel cleansed and rejuvenated. [13] X Research source

• An example for Goal 1: I will listen to others without interrupting at all either verbally or in any other way. Think of how annoying it can be for you when the other person begins to move the lips as if they are about to intervene.
• Goal 2: I will do my best to think of what things would make another person happy. This could be sharing your food or drink with others when they are hungry or thirsty, letting someone else sit where you want to sit or something else.

Having a Positive Attitude

• The Motto of the Christophers says: "It is better to light a single candle than it is to curse the darkness." Be that light. When you see controversy, try to be the one who changes the subject by suggesting a solution . Don't state what you would do, but ask everyone to get involved.

• Even reach out to people who have been cold or indifferent to you. Show someone who is rude to you the example of your kindness. Maybe people have always been rude to them. Be the person who shows them kindness instead. [16] X Research source

• Buying organic and locally grown food
• Being a responsible pet owner by cleaning up after your pets [17] X Research source
• Donating old items to shelters or charitable organizations instead of a thrift store [18] X Research source
• Putting items back in the store where you got them instead of leaving them
• Not taking the closest parking space so you leave it for someone who needs it more

• Don't be in a hurry to get to the store and get back. Enjoy the scenery as you pass by. While in the store, notice all the fine and colorful fruits and vegetables that are there for your nourishment, and realize that others are not as fortunate to enjoy the same benefits. Buy some extra nourishing food to give to the food bank to help feed others. Suggest to the manager there should be a food drop off sold at discount somewhere in the store for the poor.
• Only use the car horn in an emergency situation. Don't blow it at a little old man that can barely see over the wheel or someone driving extremely slow. Realize the driver may be taking his/her time so he/she doesn't injure him/herself or someone else. If they rush past you, understand that they may be in a hurry for something important. Even if they are not, why add to already negative feelings? [21] X Research source Anger only begets anger.

• Have integrity . Make your word mean something. If you say you are going to do something, then follow through on that promise. If circumstances arise that make it so you can't do it, be honest and direct and let the person know. [26] X Research source
• Being honest doesn't mean being rude or cruel.

• It doesn't work very well if you are merely trying to be diplomatic. Don't adopt a policy like, "Anything for a quiet life."

Live empathetically and help others to the best of your ability "We have a responsibility to be aware of others. We need to make justice the norm, not the exception."

Interacting With Others

• Be respectful of elderly people . Realize that you will be old someday and may need a helping hand. Next time you go to a mall, parking lot, or anywhere, look for an old person struggling with something, like carrying bags or loading groceries into their car. Ask, "May I help you with that?" You will be doing a great service for seniors. Sometimes you may get one who will reject your offer; simply say, "I understand, and I wish you a good day." Or when you are out and see an old person alone, say hello with an amiable smile and ask how they are doing. Just acknowledging someone can make their day.
• Be compassionate towards intellectually disabled people . They are people with feelings too. Give them a big smile and treat them like a person. If other people are smiling or laughing with your interaction with them, ignore them and keep your attention on the person who is your true friend.
• Don't be racist , homophobic, or intolerant of other religions. The world is a large place full of diversity. Learn from others and celebrate differences.

• Don't blame others. Accept what is your fault, talk to others about what they have done to upset you. But blaming others fosters negativity and resentment. [28] X Research source
• If you can't let go of your anger, try writing down your feelings, meditating, or managing your thoughts. [29] X Research source
• Don't try to correct people when they're angry by saying something irrational. Just listen with compassion and remain quiet. Say to them, "I'm sorry you feel this way, is there anything I can do to help?"

• Jealousy is hard to overcome. Try to realize that you don't have to have the same things as everyone else. Try to stop feeling jealous of other people.

• When other people see you doing good deeds, they will be reminded to take more positive action themselves. Nurturing someone else and striving to be an example can help you see your own acts more clearly.
• Start small. Join a Big Brother-Big Sister program, volunteer to coach a kid's sports team, teach, or be a role model for young family members. [34] X Research source

• Share your food with others. Never take the biggest slice of pizza or piece of meat, or if you absolutely must do so, split it with others.

• Don't talk about others behind their backs. Be a genuine person. If you have a problem with someone, confront them in a respectful way. Don't spread bad things about them when they are not around.
• Don't unfairly judge people. You don't know the circumstances surrounding them. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and respect their choices. [36] X Research source
• Treat others the way you'd like to be treated. Remember the golden rule. Put the energy out into the universe you'd like to receive.
• Respect extends to your surroundings, too. Don't throw trash on the floor, don't purposefully mess up things, and don't talk too loud or be obnoxious. Respect that other people share the same space as you. [37] X Research source

Expert Q&A

• You may make mistakes, but never repeat the same mistakes. Learn from your mistakes and help yourself grow stronger as a person. Thanks Helpful 6 Not Helpful 0
• Remember, happiness is a state of mind. The only thing in the world that we can control is ourselves, so choose to be happy and control yourself by purposely maintaining a positive mental attitude. Thanks Helpful 4 Not Helpful 1
• When people attempt to put you down, don't talk back or take it to heart. Instead, laugh or shrug it off, or simply say you're sorry they feel this way. This will show you are too smart to sink down to their level and will prevent you from being harsh, aggressive, and a bad person. Not to mention, when they see how well you handle the situation, even your aggressors may back off or lose their interest in insulting you. Thanks Helpful 4 Not Helpful 1

Tips from our Readers

• Even if you're going through some rough times right now, that doesn't mean you can't get through them. You probably went through some challenges in life when you were a child and thought you couldn't make it ,but you got through it and you can do it again!
• Never look down on or judge someone. If you're going to offer someone advice, make sure it's done kindly and with the purpose of helping them.
• If you meet a mean person, don't stoop to their level. Counteract their mean-spirited ways with your kindness!

• Recognize that you may find it more difficult to be kind and understanding in practice than in theory - just keep working at it. Thanks Helpful 59 Not Helpful 4
• As much as possible, seek to have a sense of humor about these things - both with regards to the mistakes you've made and the sacrifices you anticipate you will need to make to be nice. Thanks Helpful 41 Not Helpful 3
• The areas relating to others which you could most likely improve in are quite possibly the ones which you are least willing to admit that you are wrong in; that's exactly why you can benefit so much from facing that you may be wrong or out of line in how you relate to or treat others. Thanks Helpful 47 Not Helpful 5
• Remember that you are still human - for as long as you live, you will have a tendency to sometimes make mistakes; that's okay. Everyone makes them. Do the best you can, and if you occasionally make mistakes or are not as nice as you'd like to be, just bring yourself back to focusing on thinking of others as much as yourself. Thanks Helpful 43 Not Helpful 6
• If someone asks you for help and it involves doing what they should do alone never do it! It's cheating and simply teaches the person that cheating is fine. Thanks Helpful 34 Not Helpful 8

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• ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/10226211/Are-you-a-good-person.html
• ↑ http://personalexcellence.co/blog/101-ways-to-be-a-better-person/
• ↑ Tracey Rogers, MA. Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 6 January 2020.
• ↑ https://www.inc.com/john-rampton/15-ways-to-become-a-better-person.html
• ↑ http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12430/31-ways-to-be-a-better-person-every-day.html
• ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/5-reasons-why-you-should-always-yourself.html
• ↑ http://personalexcellence.co/blog/10-reasons-you-should-meditate/
• ↑ http://personalexcellence.co/blog/how-to-meditate/
• ↑ http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/09/08/10-ways-to-gain-fame-for-being-a-good-person/
• ↑ http://thoughtcatalog.com/david-dean/2013/06/how-to-be-a-good-person-everyday/
• ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/9-ways-better-person.html
• ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joyce-marter-/10-ways-to-evolve-and-be-_b_4495114.html

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To be a good person, make sure to love and accept yourself so that you can be more accepting of others. Additionally, try to approach situations with a positive attitude, focusing on what you can do rather than what you did wrong. Then, work on being more empathetic by treating others as you would want to be treated. You should also try to perform a small act of kindness every day, like holding open a door or giving someone your seat on the bus. Alternatively, do something positive for the world around you, like recycling your trash or cleaning up after your pet. For tips on how to be a good person by forgiving other people’s mistakes, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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The Philosopher of Feelings

By Rachel Aviv

Martha Nussbaum was preparing to give a lecture at Trinity College, Dublin, in April, 1992, when she learned that her mother was dying in a hospital in Philadelphia. She couldn’t get a flight until the next day. That evening, Nussbaum, one of the foremost philosophers in America, gave her scheduled lecture, on the nature of emotions. “I thought, It’s inhuman—I shouldn’t be able to do this,” she said later. Then she thought, Well, of course I should do this. I mean, here I am. Why should I not do it? The audience is there, and they want to have the lecture.

When she returned to her room, she opened her laptop and began writing her next lecture, which she would deliver in two weeks, at the law school of the University of Chicago. On the plane the next morning, her hands trembling, she continued to type. She wondered if there was something cruel about her capacity to be so productive. The lecture was about the nature of mercy. As she often does, she argued that certain moral truths are best expressed in the form of a story. We become merciful, she wrote, when we behave as the “concerned reader of a novel,” understanding each person’s life as a “complex narrative of human effort in a world full of obstacles.”

In the lecture, she described how the Roman philosopher Seneca, at the end of each day, reflected on his misdeeds before saying to himself, “This time I pardon you.” The sentence brought Nussbaum to tears. She worried that her ability to work was an act of subconscious aggression, a sign that she didn’t love her mother enough. I shouldn’t be away lecturing, she thought. I shouldn’t have been a philosopher. Nussbaum sensed that her mother saw her work as cold and detached, a posture of invulnerability. “We aren’t very loving creatures, apparently, when we philosophize,” Nussbaum has written.

When her plane landed in Philadelphia, Nussbaum learned that her mother had just died. Her younger sister, Gail Craven Busch, a choir director at a church, had told their mother that Nussbaum was on the way. “She just couldn’t hold on any longer,” Busch said. When Nussbaum arrived at the hospital, she found her mother still in the bed, wearing lipstick. A breathing tube, now detached from an oxygen machine, was laced through her nostrils. The nurses brought Nussbaum cups of water as she wept. Then she gathered her mother’s belongings, including a book called “A Glass of Blessings,” which Nussbaum couldn’t help noticing looked too precious, the kind of thing that she would never want to read. She left the hospital, went to the track at the University of Pennsylvania, and ran four miles.

She admired the Stoic philosophers, who believed that ungoverned emotions destroyed one’s moral character, and she felt that, in the face of a loved one’s death, their instruction would be “Everyone is mortal, and you will get over this pretty soon.” But she disagreed with the way they trained themselves not to depend on anything beyond their control. For the next several days, she felt as if nails were being pounded into her stomach and her limbs were being torn off. “Do we imagine the thought causing a fluttering in my hands, or a trembling in my stomach?” she wrote, in “Upheavals of Thought,” a book on the structure of emotions. “And if we do, do we really want to say that this fluttering or trembling is my grief about my mother’s death?”

Nussbaum gave her lecture on mercy shortly after her mother’s funeral. She felt that her mother would have preferred that she forgo work for a few weeks, but when Nussbaum isn’t working she feels guilty and lazy, so she revised the lecture until she thought that it was one of the best she had ever written. She imagined her talk as a kind of reparation: the lecture was about the need to recognize how hard it is, even with the best intentions, to live a virtuous life. Like much of her work, the lecture represented what she calls a therapeutic philosophy, a “science of life,” which addresses persistent human needs. She told me, “I like the idea that the very thing that my mother found cold and unloving could actually be a form of love. It’s a form of human love to accept our complicated, messy humanity and not run away from it.”

A few years later, Nussbaum returned to her relationship with her mother in a dramatic dialogue that she wrote for Oxford University’s Philosophical Dialogues Competition, which she won. In the dialogue, a mother accuses her daughter, a renowned moral philosopher, of being ruthless. “You just don’t know what emotions are,” the mother says. Her father tells her, “Aren’t you a philosopher because you want, really, to live inside your own mind most of all? And not to need, not to love, anyone?” Her mother asks, “Isn’t it just because you don’t want to admit that thinking doesn’t control everything?”

The philosopher begs for forgiveness. “Why do you hate my thinking so much, Mommy?” she asks. “What can I say or write that will make you stop looking at me that way?”

Nussbaum is drawn to the idea that creative urgency—and the commitment to be good—derives from the awareness that we harbor aggression toward the people we love. A sixty-nine-year-old professor of law and philosophy at the University of Chicago (with appointments in classics, political science, Southern Asian studies, and the divinity school), Nussbaum has published twenty-four books and five hundred and nine papers and received fifty-seven honorary degrees. In 2014, she became the second woman to give the John Locke Lectures, at Oxford, the most eminent lecture series in philosophy. Last year, she received the Inamori Ethics Prize, an award for ethical leaders who improve the condition of mankind. A few weeks ago, she won five hundred thousand dollars as the recipient of the Kyoto Prize, the most prestigious award offered in fields not eligible for a Nobel, joining a small group of philosophers that includes Karl Popper and Jürgen Habermas. Honors and prizes remind her of potato chips; she enjoys them but is wary of becoming sated, like one of Aristotle’s “dumb grazing animals.” Her conception of a good life requires striving for a difficult goal, and, if she notices herself feeling too satisfied, she begins to feel discontent.

Nussbaum is monumentally confident, intellectually and physically. She is beautiful, in a taut, flinty way, and carries herself like a queen. Her voice is high-pitched and dramatic, and she often seems delighted by the performance of being herself. Her work, which draws on her training in classics but also on anthropology, psychoanalysis, sociology, and a number of other fields, searches for the conditions for eudaimonia , a Greek word that describes a complete and flourishing life. At a time of insecurity for the humanities, Nussbaum’s work champions—and embodies—the reach of the humanistic endeavor. Nancy Sherman, a moral philosopher at Georgetown, told me, “Martha changed the face of philosophy by using literary skills to describe the very minutiae of a lived experience.”

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Unlike many philosophers, Nussbaum is an elegant and lyrical writer, and she movingly describes the pain of recognizing one’s vulnerability, a precondition, she believes, for an ethical life. “To be a good human being,” she has said, “is to have a kind of openness to the world, the ability to trust uncertain things beyond your own control that can lead you to be shattered.” She searches for a “non-denying style of writing,” a way to describe emotional experiences without wringing the feeling from them. She disapproves of the conventional style of philosophical prose, which she describes as “scientific, abstract, hygienically pallid,” and disengaged with the problems of its time. Like Narcissus, she says, philosophy falls in love with its own image and drowns.

In several books and papers, Nussbaum quotes a sentence by the sociologist Erving Goffman, who wrote, “In an important sense there is only one complete unblushing male in America: a young, married, white, urban, northern, heterosexual, Protestant father of college education, fully employed, of good complexion, weight, and height, and a recent record in sports.” This sentence more or less characterizes Nussbaum’s father, whom she describes as an inspiration and a role model, and also as a racist. He was prejudiced in a “very gut-level way,” Nussbaum told me. “It was about shrinking and disgust.”

For the past thirty years, Nussbaum has been drawn to those who blush, writing about the kinds of populations that her father might have deemed subhuman. She argues that unblushing males, or “normals,” repudiate their own animal nature by projecting their disgust onto vulnerable groups and creating a “buffer zone.” Nussbaum thinks that disgust is an unreasonable emotion, which should be distrusted as a basis for law; it is at the root, she argues, of opposition to gay and transgender rights. Her work includes lovely descriptions of the physical realities of being a person, of having a body “soft and porous, receptive of fluid and sticky, womanlike in its oozy sliminess.” She believes that dread of these phenomena creates a threat to civic life. “What I am calling for,” she writes, is “a society of citizens who admit that they are needy and vulnerable.”

Nussbaum once wrote, citing Nietzsche, that “when a philosopher harps very insistently on a theme, that shows us that there is a danger that something else is about to ‘play the master’ ”: something personal is driving the preoccupation. In Nussbaum’s case, I wondered if she approaches her theme of vulnerability with such success because she peers at it from afar, as if it were unfamiliar and exotic. She celebrates the ability to be fragile and exposed, but in her own life she seems to control every interaction. She divides her day into a series of productive, life-affirming activities, beginning with a ninety-minute run or workout, during which, for years, she “played” operas in her head, usually works by Mozart. She memorized the operas and ran to each one for three to four months, shifting the tempo to match her speed and her mood. For two decades, she has kept a chart that documents her daily exercises. After her workout, she stands beside her piano and sings for an hour; she told me that her voice has never been better. (When a conductor recently invited her to join a repertory group for older singers, she told him that the concept was “stigmatizing.”) Her self-discipline inspired a story called “My Ex, the Moral Philosopher,” by the late Richard Stern, a professor at the University of Chicago. The story describes the contradiction of the philosopher’s “paean to spontaneity and her own nature, the least spontaneous, most doggedly, nervously, even fanatically unspontaneous I know.”

Nussbaum is currently writing a book on aging, and when I first proposed the idea of a Profile I told her that I’d like to make her book the center of the piece. She responded skeptically, writing in an e-mail that she’d had a long, varied career, adding, “I’d really like to feel that you had considered various aspects of it and that we had a plan that had a focus.” She typically responded within an hour of my sending an e-mail. “Do you feel that you have such a plan?” she asked me. “I’d like to hear the pros and cons in your view of different emphases.” She wasn’t sure how I could encompass her œuvre, since it covered so many subjects: animal rights, emotions in criminal law, Indian politics, disability, religious intolerance, political liberalism, the role of humanities in the academy, sexual harassment, transnational transfers of wealth. “The challenge for you would be to give readers a road map through the work that would be illuminating rather than confusing,” she wrote, adding, “It will all fall to bits without a plan.” She described three interviews that she’d done, and the ways in which they were flawed. Among other things, they hadn’t captured her devotion to teaching and to her students. One of the interviews, she said, had made her “look like a person who has contempt for the contributions of others, which is one of the biggest insults that one could direct my way.”

For our first meeting, she suggested that I watch her sing: “It’s the actual singing that would give you insight into my personality and my emotional life, though of course I am very imperfect in my ability to express what I want to express.” She wrote that music allowed her to access a part of her personality that is “less defended, more receptive.” Last summer, we drove to the house of her singing teacher, Tambra Black, who lives in a gentrifying neighborhood with a view of the churches of the University of Chicago. It was ninety degrees and sunny, and although we were ten minutes early, Nussbaum pounded on the door until Black, her hair wet from the shower, let us inside.

Nussbaum wore nylon athletic shorts and a T-shirt, and carried her sheet music in a hippie-style embroidered sack. Her fingernails and toenails were polished turquoise, and her legs and arms were exquisitely toned and tan. She stood beside Black’s piano with her feet in a ski-plow pose and did scales by letting her mouth go completely loose and blowing through closed lips.

The first aria she practiced was “Or sai chi l’onore,” from “Don Giovanni,” one of the few Mozart operas that she has never run to, because she finds the rape scene reprehensible. As she ascended in pitch, she tilted her chin upward, until Black told her to stop. She excelled at clarion high notes, but Black thought that a passage about the murder of the heroine’s father should be more tender. “Can you make it a little more pleasant?” Black asked.

The next aria was from the final act of Verdi’s “Don Carlos,” which Nussbaum found more challenging. She had to embody the hopelessness of a woman who, knowing that she can never be with the man she loves, yearns for death.

“Put a little longing and sadness in there,” Black said. “Don’t give too much too early.”

Nussbaum softened her tone for a few passages, but her voice quickly gathered force.

“You have too much power,” Black told her. “Save a little for the end.”

“I’ll have to work on that,” Nussbaum said, her eyes fixed on the sheet music in front of her. “It’s difficult to get all the emotions in there.”

Hours later, as we drove home from a concert by the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, Nussbaum said that she was struggling to capture the resignation required for the Verdi piece. She couldn’t identify with the role. “I feel that this character is basically saying, ‘Life is treating me badly, so I’m going to give up,’ ” she told me. “And I find that totally unintelligible.”

When Nussbaum was three or four years old, she told her mother, “Well, I think I know just about everything.” Her mother, Betty Craven, whose ancestors arrived on the Mayflower, responded sternly, “No, Martha. You are just one person among many.” Nussbaum was so frustrated by this response that she banged her head on the floor.

Her father, George Craven, a successful tax lawyer who worked all the time, applauded her youthful arrogance. He thought that it was excellent to be superior to others. He liked to joke that he had been wrong only once in his life and that was the time that he thought he was wrong. The Craven family lived in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, in an atmosphere that Nussbaum describes as “chilly clear opulence.” Betty was bored and unfulfilled, and she began drinking for much of the day, hiding bourbon in the kitchen. Nussbaum’s younger sister, Gail, said that once, after her mother passed out on the floor, she called an ambulance, but her father sent it away. Nussbaum’s half-brother, Robert (the child of George Craven’s first marriage), said that their father didn’t understand when people weren’t rational. “It was an emotionally barren environment,” he told me. “You were supposed to just soldier on.”

Nussbaum spent her free time alone in the attic, reading books, including many by Dickens. Through literature, she said, she found an “escape from an amoral life into a universe where morality matters.” At night, she went to her father’s study in her long bathrobe, and they read together. Her father loved the poem “Invictus,” by William Ernest Henley, and he often recited it to her: “I have not winced nor cried aloud. / Under the bludgeonings of chance / My head is bloody, but unbowed. . . . I am the master of my fate: / I am the captain of my soul.”

Her father’s ethos may have fostered Nussbaum’s interest in Stoicism. Her relationship with him was so captivating that it felt romantic. “He really set me on a path of being happy and delighted with life,” she said. “He symbolized beauty and wonder.” Gail Busch found her father’s temperament less congenial. “I believe he was probably a sociopath,” she told me. “He was certainly very narcissistic. He was extremely domineering and very controlling. Our mother was petrified for most of their marriage.” Busch said that when she was a young child her father insisted that she be in bed before he got home from work.

Nussbaum once wrote of Iris Murdoch that she “won the Oedipal struggle too easily.” The same could be said of Nussbaum herself. Busch told me, “There were very few people that my father touched that he didn’t hurt. But one of them was Martha, because they were just two peas in a pod. I know that he saw her as a reflection of him, and that was probably just perfect for him.”

Nussbaum excelled at her private girls’ school, while Busch floundered and became rebellious. In an interview with a Dutch television station, Nussbaum said that she worked so hard because she thought, This is what Daddy’s doing—we take charge of our lives. Of her mother and sister, she said, “I just was furious at them, because I thought that they could take charge of their lives by will, and they weren’t doing it.”

Nussbaum attended Wellesley College, but she dropped out in her sophomore year, because she wanted to be an actress. Playing other people gave her access to emotions that she hadn’t been able to express on her own, but, after half a year with a repertory company that performed Greek tragedies, she left that, too. “I hadn’t lived enough,” she said. She began studying classics at New York University, still focussing on Greek tragedies. She came to believe that reading about suffering functions as a kind of “transitional object,” the term used by the English psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, one of her favorite thinkers, to describe toys that allow infants to move away from their mothers and to explore the world on their own. “When we have emotions of fear and pity toward the hero of a tragedy,” she has written, “we explore aspects of our own vulnerability in a safe and pleasing setting.”

Nussbaum felt increasingly uncomfortable with what she called the “smug bastion of hypocrisy and unearned privilege” in which she’d been raised. She had spent her childhood “coasting along with assured invulnerability,” she said. In a class on Greek composition, she fell in love with Alan Nussbaum, another N.Y.U. student, who was Jewish, a religion she was attracted to for the same reason that she was drawn to theatre: “more emotional expressiveness,” she said. She associated the religion with the social consciousness of I. F. Stone and The Nation . Her father, who thought that Jews were vulgar, disapproved of the marriage and refused to attend their wedding party. Robert Craven told me, “Martha was the apple of our father’s eye, until she embraced Judaism and fell from grace.”

Four years into the marriage, Nussbaum read “The Golden Bowl,” by Henry James. She kept thinking about Maggie Verver’s “wish to remain, intensely, the same passionate little daughter she had always been.” She was so captivated by the novel that she later wrote three essays about the ways in which James articulates a kind of moral philosophy, revealing the childishness of aspiring to moral perfection, a life of “never doing a wrong, never breaking a rule, never hurting.” Nussbaum told me, “What drew me to Maggie is the sense that she is a peculiarly American kind of person who really, really wants to be good. And of course that’s impossible. She has a particularly demanding father, and, in order to be fully herself with her husband, she has to leave her father and hurt him, and she just had no way to deal with that. She was not prepared.”

Nussbaum entered the graduate program in classics at Harvard, in 1969, and realized that for years she had been smiling all the time, for no particular reason. When her thesis adviser, G. E. L. Owen, invited her to his office, served sherry, spoke about life’s sadness, recited Auden, and reached over to touch her breasts, she says, she gently pushed him away, careful not to embarrass him. “Just as I never accused my mother of being drunk, even though she was always drunk,” she wrote, “so I managed to keep my control with Owen, and I never said a hostile word.” She didn’t experience the imbalance of power that makes sexual harassment so destructive, she said, because she felt “much healthier and more powerful than he was.”

She soon drifted toward ancient philosophy, where she could follow Aristotle, who asked the basic question “How should a human live?” She realized that philosophy attracted a “logic-chopping type of person,” nearly always male. She came to believe that she understood Nietzsche’s thinking when he wrote that no great philosopher had ever been married. “I think what he was saying is that most philosophers have been in flight from human existence,” she said. “They just haven’t wanted to be entangled.” She rejected the idea, dominant in contemporary philosophy, that emotions were “unthinking energies that simply push the person around.” Instead, she resurrected a version of the Stoic theory that makes no division between thought and feeling. She gave emotions a central role in moral philosophy, arguing that they are cognitive in nature: they embody judgments about the world.

One of her mentors was John Rawls, the most influential political philosopher of the last century. He stuttered and was extremely shy. She said that one day, when they were eating hamburgers for lunch (this was before she stopped eating meat), he instructed her that if she had the capacity to be a public intellectual then it was her duty to become one.

Utilitarian and Kantian theories were dominant at the time, and Nussbaum felt that the field had become too insular and professionalized. She was frustrated that her colleagues were more interested in conceptual analyses than in attending to the details of people’s lives. While writing an austere dissertation on a neglected treatise by Aristotle, she began a second book, about the urge to deny one’s human needs. In “The Fragility of Goodness,” one of the best-selling contemporary philosophy books, she rejected Plato’s argument that a good life is one of total self-sufficiency. She argued that tragedy occurs because people are living well: they have formed passionate commitments that leave them exposed. She began the book by acknowledging:

I must constantly choose among competing and apparently incommensurable goods and that circumstances may force me to a position in which I cannot help being false to something or doing something wrong; that an event that simply happens to me may, without my consent, alter my life; that it is equally problematic to entrust one’s good to friends, lovers, or country and to try to have a good life without them—all these I take to be not just the material of tragedy, but everyday facts of practical wisdom.

Nussbaum describes motherhood as her first profound experience of moral conflict. Her pregnancy, in 1972, was a mistake; her I.U.D. fell out. She had just become the first woman elected to Harvard’s Society of Fellows, and she imagined that the other scholars must be thinking, We let in a woman, and what does she do? She goes off and has a baby. Nussbaum carried on for nine months as if she weren’t pregnant. She ran several miles a day; she remained so thin that her adviser told her she must be carrying a “wind egg”; she had such a rapid delivery—with no anesthesia—that doctors interviewed her about how she had prepared for birth. She told them that “Lamaze was for wimps and running was the key.” She brought Aristotle’s Politics to the hospital. Her husband took a picture of her reading. She was at a Society of Fellows dinner the next week. “I wanted everyone to understand that I was still working,” she said.

Alan Nussbaum taught linguistics at Yale, and during the week Martha took care of their daughter, Rachel, alone. “Among the good and decent men, some are unprepared for the surprises of life, and their good intentions run aground when confronted with issues like child care,” she later wrote. They divorced when Rachel was a teen-ager. When Nussbaum joined a society for female philosophers, she proposed that women had a unique contribution to make, because “we had an experience of moral conflicts—we are torn between children on the one hand, and work on the other—that the male philosophers didn’t have, or wouldn’t face up to.” She rejected the idea, suggested by Kant, that people who are morally good are immune to the kind of bad luck that would force them into ethically compromised positions. She told me, “A lot of the great philosophers have said there are no real moral dilemmas. Well, we were saying, ‘No woman would make that stupid mistake!’ ”

Nussbaum left Harvard in 1983, after she was denied tenure, a decision she attributes, in part, to a “venomous dislike of me as a very outspoken woman” and the machinations of a colleague who could “show a good actor how the role of Iago ought to be played.” Glen Bowersock, who was the head of the classics department when Nussbaum was a student, said, “I think she scared people. They couldn’t wrap their minds around this formidably good, extraordinarily articulate woman who was very tall and attractive, openly feminine and stylish, and walked very erect and wore miniskirts—all in one package. They were just frightened.”

This was the only time that Nussbaum had anything resembling a crisis in her career. I was eager to hear about her moment of doubt, since she always seemed so steely. Projecting a little, I asked if she ever felt guilty when she was successful, as if she didn’t deserve it. “No—none of that,” she said briskly. “I think women and philosophers are under-rewarded for what they do.” After she was denied tenure, she thought about going to law school. “The doubt was very brief,” she added. “I thought about law school for about a day, or something like that.”

Instead, she began considering a more public role for philosophy. One of her mentors, the English philosopher Bernard Williams, accused moral philosophers of “refusing to write about anything of importance.” Nussbaum began examining quality of life in the developing world. She was steered toward the issue by Amartya Sen, the Indian economist, who later won the Nobel Prize. In 1986, they became romantically involved and worked together at the World Institute of Development Economics Research, in Helsinki. At the institute, she told me, she came to the realization that “I knew nothing about the rest of the world.” She taught herself about Indian politics and developed her own version of Sen’s capabilities approach, a theoretical framework for measuring and comparing the well-being of nations. Her earlier work had celebrated vulnerability, but now she identified the sorts of vulnerabilities (poverty, hunger, sexual violence) that no human should have to endure. In an Aristotelian spirit, Nussbaum devised a list of ten essential capabilities that all societies should nourish, including the freedom to play, to engage in critical reflection, and to love. The capabilities theory is now a staple of human-rights advocacy, and Sen told me that Nussbaum has become more of a “purist” than he is. When it comes to judging the quality of human life, he said, “I am often defeated by that in a way that Martha is not.”

Nussbaum went on to extend the work of John Rawls, who developed the most influential contemporary version of the social-contract theory: the idea that rational citizens agree to govern themselves, because they recognize that everyone’s needs are met more effectively through coöperation. Nussbaum argued that Rawls gave an unsatisfactory account of justice for people dependent on others—the disabled, the elderly, and women subservient in their homes. For a society to remain stable and committed to democratic principles, she argued, it needs more than detached moral principles: it has to cultivate certain emotions and teach people to enter empathetically into others’ lives. She believes that the humanities are not just important to a healthy democratic society but decisive, shaping its fate. She proposed an enhanced version of John Stuart Mill’s “aesthetic education”—emotional refinement for all citizens through poetry and music and art. “Respect on its own is cold and inert, insufficient to overcome the bad tendencies that lead human beings to tyrannize over one another,” she wrote. “Public culture cannot be tepid and passionless.”

By the late nineties, India had become so integral to Nussbaum’s thinking that she later warned a reporter from The Chronicle of Higher Education that her work there was at the “core of my heart and my sense of the meaning of life, so if you downplay that, you don’t get me.” She travelled to developing countries during school vacations—she never misses a class—and met with impoverished women. She said she felt as if she were “a lawyer who has been retained by poor people in developing nations.”

In the sixties, Nussbaum had been too busy for feminist consciousness-raising—she said that she cultivated an image of “Doris Day respectability”—and she was suspicious of left-wing groupthink. Once she began studying the lives of women in non-Western countries, she identified as a feminist but of the unfashionable kind: a traditional liberal who believed in the power of reason at a time when postmodern scholars viewed it as an instrument or a disguise for oppression. She argued that the well-being of women around the world could be improved through universal norms—an international system of distributive justice. She was impatient with feminist theory that was so relativistic that it assumed that, in the name of respecting other cultures, women should stand by while other women were beaten or genitally mutilated. In “Sex and Social Justice,” published in 1999, she wrote that the approach resembles the “sort of moral collapse depicted by Dante, when he describes the crowd of souls who mill around in the vestibule of hell, dragging their banner now one way now another, never willing to set it down and take a definite stand on any moral or political question. Such people, he implies, are the most despicable of all. They can’t even get into hell because they have not been willing to stand for anything in life.”

In 1999, in a now canonical essay for The New Republic , she wrote that academic feminism spoke only to the élite. It had become untethered from the practical struggle to achieve equality for women. She scolded Judith Butler and postmodern feminists for “turning away from the material side of life, towards a type of verbal and symbolic politics that makes only the flimsiest connections with the real situations of real women.” These radical thinkers, she felt, were focussing more on problems of representation than on the immediate needs of women in other classes and cultures. The stance, she wrote, “looks very much like quietism,” a word she often uses when she disapproves of projects and ideas.

In letters responding to the essay, the feminist critic Gayatri Spivak denounced Nussbaum’s “civilizing mission.” Joan Scott, a historian of gender, wrote that Nussbaum had “constructed a self-serving morality tale.”

When Nussbaum is at her computer writing, she feels as if she had entered a “holding environment”—the phrase used by Donald Winnicott to describe conditions that allow a baby to feel secure and loved. Like the baby, she is “playing with an object,” she said. “It’s my manuscript, but I feel that something of both of my parents is with me. The sense of concern and being held is what I associate with my mother, and the sense of surging and delight is what I associate with my father.”

She said that she looks to replicate the experience of “surging” in romantic partners as well. She has always been drawn to intellectually distinguished men. “I suppose it’s because of the imprint of my father,” she told me one afternoon, while eating a small bowl of yogurt, blueberries, raisins, and pine nuts, a variation on the lunch she has most days. Her spacious tenth-floor apartment, which has twelve windows overlooking Lake Michigan and an elevator that delivers visitors directly into her foyer, is decorated with dozens of porcelain, metal, and glass elephants—her favorite animal, because of its emotional intelligence. “I used to observe that my close female friends would choose—very reasonably—men whose aspirations were rather modest,” she told me. “That works out nicely, because these men are really supportive of them. I’ve thought, Wouldn’t it be nice to have romantic and sexual tastes like that? But I certainly don’t.”

After moving to the University of Chicago, in 1995 (following seven years at Brown), Nussbaum was in a long relationship with Cass Sunstein, the former administrator for President Obama’s Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs and one of the few scholars as prolific as she is. Nussbaum said that she discovered her paradigm for romance as an adolescent, when she read about the relationship between two men in Plato’s Phaedrus and the way in which they combined “intense mutual erotic passion with a shared pursuit of truth and justice.” She and Sunstein (who is now married to Samantha Power, the Ambassador to the United Nations) lived in separate apartments, and each one’s work informed the other’s. In an influential essay, titled “Objectification,” Nussbaum builds on a passage written by Sunstein, in which he suggests that some forms of sexual objectification can be both ineradicable and wonderful. Straying from the standard line of feminist thought, Nussbaum defends Sunstein’s idea, arguing that there are circumstances in which being treated as a sex object, a “mysterious thinglike presence,” can be humanizing, rather than morally harmful. It allows us to achieve a state that her writing often elevates: the “abnegation of self-containment and self-sufficiency.”

Nussbaum is preoccupied by the ways that philosophical thinking can seem at odds with passion and love. She recognizes that writing can be “a way of distancing oneself from human life and maybe even a way of controlling human life,” she said. In a semi-autobiographical essay in her book “Love’s Knowledge,” from 1990, she offers a portrait of a female philosopher who approaches her own heartbreak with a notepad and a pen; she sorts and classifies the experience, listing the properties of an ideal lover and comparing it to the men she has loved. “You now begin to see how this lady is,” she wrote. “She goes on thinking at all times. She won’t simply cry, she will ask what crying consists in. One tear, one argument.”

Nussbaum isn’t sure if her capacity for rational detachment is innate or learned. On three occasions, she alluded to a childhood experience in which she’d been so overwhelmed by anger at her mother, for drinking in the afternoon, that she slapped her. Betty warned her, “If you turn against me, I won’t have any reason to live.” Nussbaum prayed to be relieved of her anger, fearing that its potential was infinite. “I thought it would kill somebody,” she said.

Anger is an emotion that she now rarely experiences. She invariably remains friends with former lovers, a fact that Sunstein, Sen, and Alan Nussbaum wholeheartedly affirmed. In her new book, “Anger and Forgiveness,” which was published last month, Nussbaum argues against the idea, dear to therapists and some feminists, that “people (and women especially) owe it to their self-respect to own, nourish, and publicly proclaim their anger.” It is a “magical fantasy,” a bit of “metaphysical nonsense,” she writes, to assume that anger will restore what was damaged. She believes that embedded in the emotion is the irrational wish that “things will be made right if I inflict suffering.” She writes that even leaders of movements for revolutionary justice should avoid the emotion and move on to “saner thoughts of personal and social welfare.” (She acknowledges, “It might be objected that my proposal sounds all too much like that of the upper-middle-class (ex)-Wasp academic that I certainly am. I simply deny the charge.”)

For a long time, Nussbaum had seemed to be working on getting in touch with anger. In the nineties, when she composed the list of ten capabilities to which all humans should be entitled—a list that she’s revised in the course of many papers—she and the feminist legal scholar Catherine MacKinnon debated whether “justified anger” should make the list. Nussbaum was wary of the violence that accompanies anger’s expression, but MacKinnon said she convinced Nussbaum that anger can be a “sign that self-respect has not been crushed, that humanity burns even where it is supposed to have been extinguished.” Nussbaum decided to view anger in a more positive light. “I thought, I’m just getting duped by my own history,” she said. In an interview a few years later, she said that being able to express anger to a friend, after years of training herself to suppress it, was “the most tremendous pleasure in life.” In a 2003 essay, she describes herself as “angry more or less all the time.”

When I asked her about the different self-conceptions, she wrote me three e-mails from a plane to Mexico (she was on her way to give lectures in Puebla) to explain that she had articulated these views before she had studied the emotion in depth. It was not full-fledged anger that she was experiencing but “transitional anger,” an emotional state that embodies the thought: Something should be done about this, in response to social injustice. In another e-mail from the air, she clarified: “My experience of political anger has always been more King-like: protest, not acquiescence, but no desire for payback.”

Last year, Nussbaum had a colonoscopy. She didn’t want to miss a workday, so she refused sedation. She was thrilled by the sight of her appendix, so pink and tiny. “It’s such a big part of you and you don’t get to meet these parts,” she told me. “I love that kind of familiarization: it’s like coming to terms with yourself.”

Her friends were repulsed when she told them that she had been awake the entire time. “They thought it was disgusting to go through the procedure without their consciousness obliterated,” she said. She wasn’t surprised that men wanted to be sedated, but she couldn’t understand why women her age would avoid the sight of their organs. “Here are the same women who were inspired by ‘Our Bodies, Ourselves,’ ” she told me. “We said, ‘Oh, let’s not shrink from looking at our vaginas. Let’s not think, Our periods are disgusting, but let’s celebrate it as part of who we are!’ Now we get to our sixties, and we are disgusted by our bodies again, and we want to be knocked out.”

Nussbaum believes that disgust “draws sharp edges around the self” and betrays a shame toward what is human. When she goes shopping with younger colleagues—among her favorite designers are Alexander McQueen, Azzedine Alaïa, and Seth Aaron Henderson, whom she befriended after he won “Project Runway”—she often emerges from the changing room in her underwear. Bodily functions do not embarrass her, either. When she goes on long runs, she has no problem urinating behind bushes. Once, when she was in Paris with her daughter, Rachel, who is now an animal-rights lawyer in Denver, she peed in the garden of the Tuileries Palace at night. (Rachel was curt when we met; Nussbaum told me that Rachel, who has co-written papers with her mother on the legal status of whales, was wary of being portrayed “as adjunct to me.”)

Nussbaum acknowledges that, as she ages, it becomes harder to rejoice in all bodily developments. Recently, she was dismayed when she looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize her nose. Sinking cartilage had created a new bump. She asked the doctor who gives her Botox in her forehead what to do. “He is a minimalist,” she told me. “He’s very artistic.” He fixed the problem by putting filler above the tip of her nose. It wasn’t that she was disgusted. “But I do feel conscious that at my age I have to be very careful of how I present myself, at risk of not being thought attractive,” she told me. “There are women like Germaine Greer who say that it’s a big relief to not worry about men and to forget how they look. I don’t feel that way! I care how men look at me. I like men.”

In a new book, tentatively titled “Aging Wisely,” which will be published next year, Nussbaum and Saul Levmore, a colleague at the law school, investigate the moral, legal, and economic dilemmas of old age—“an unknown country,” which they say has been ignored by philosophy. The book is structured as a dialogue between two aging scholars, analyzing the way that old age affects love, friendship, inequality, and the ability to cede control. They both reject the idea that getting old is a form of renunciation. Nussbaum critiques the tendency in literature to “assign a ‘comeuppance’ ” to aging women who fail to display proper levels of resignation and shame. She calls for an “informal social movement akin to the feminist Our Bodies movement: a movement against self-disgust” for the aging. She promotes Walt Whitman’s “anti-disgust” world view, his celebration of the “lung-sponges, the stomach-sac, the bowels sweet and clean. . . . The thin red jellies within you or within me. . . . O I say these are not the parts and poems of the body only, but of the soul.”

At a faculty workshop last summer, professors at the law school gathered to critique drafts of two chapters from the book. Nussbaum wore a fitted purple dress and high-heeled sandals, and her blond hair looked as if it had recently been permed. She appeared to be dressed for a different event from the one that the other professors were attending. As she often does, she looked delighted but not necessarily happy.

In one of the chapters, Levmore argued that it should be legal for employers to require that employees retire at an agreed-upon age, and Nussbaum wrote a rebuttal, called “No End in Sight.” She said that it was painful to see colleagues in other countries forced to retire when philosophers such as Kant, Cato, and Gorgias didn’t produce their best work until old age.

The libertarian scholar Richard Epstein raised his hand and said that, rather than having a national policy regarding retirement, each institution should make its own decision. “So Martha, full of vim and vigor, can get offers from four other places and go on and continue to work,” he said.

“Sure, I could go and move someplace else,” she said, interrupting him. “But I don’t want to.” If she were forced to retire, she said, “that would really affect me psychologically in a very deep way. And I have no idea what I’d do. I might go off and do some interesting thing like be a cantor. Or I might just get depressed.”

“Martha, it’s too autobiographical,” Epstein said. His concern was not that “Martha stays on. It’s that a bunch of dead wood stays on, as well, and it’s a cost to the institution.”

When another colleague suggested that no one knew the precise moment when aging scholars had peaked, Nussbaum cited Cato, who wrote that the process of aging could be resisted through vigorous physical and mental activity. Her celebration of this final, vulnerable stage of life was undercut by her confidence that she needn’t be so vulnerable. She said that her grandmother lived until she was a hundred and four years old. “Why do I have my outlook?” she said. “It’s a matter of the habits you form when you are very young—the habits of exercise, of being active. All of that stuff builds to the sense of a life that can go on.”

Not long ago, Nussbaum bought a Dolce & Gabbana skirt dotted with crystal stars and daisies. “It had a happy look,” she told me, holding the hanger to her chin. She planned to wear it to the college graduation of Nathaniel Levmore, whom she describes as her “quasi-child.” Nathaniel, the son of Saul Levmore, has always been shy. Saul told me, “Of my two children, this is the one that’s the underdog, and of course Martha loves him, and they talk for hours and hours. Martha has this total belief in the underdog. The more underdog, the more charming she finds them.”

Nussbaum has taken Nathaniel on trips to Botswana and India, and, when she hosts dinner parties, he often serves the wine. When I joined them last summer for an outdoor screening of “Star Trek,” they spent much of the hour-long drive debating whether it was anti-Semitic for Nathaniel’s college to begin its semester on Rosh Hashanah. Their persistence was both touching and annoying. Just when I thought the conversation would die, the matter settled, Nathaniel would raise a new point, and Nussbaum would argue from a new angle that the scheduling was anti-Semitic.

Recently, when I had dinner at Nussbaum’s apartment, she said she was sorry that Nathaniel wasn’t there to enjoy it. We sat at her kitchen island, facing a Chicago White Sox poster, eating what remained of an elaborate and extraordinary Indian meal that she had cooked two days before, for the dean of the law school and eight students. She served me heaping portions of every dish and herself a modest plate of yogurt, rice, and spinach.

I mentioned that Saul Levmore had said she is so devoted to the underdog that she even has sympathy for a former student who had been stalking her; the student appeared to have had a psychotic break and bombarded her with threatening e-mails. “I feel great sympathy for any weak person or creature,” she told me. She mentioned that a few days before she had been watching a Webcam of a nest of newborn bald eagles and had become distraught when she saw that the parent eagle was giving all the food to only one of her two babies. “The other one kept trying to eat something, and didn’t get it!” she said. “I thought it was possible that one of the eagles was getting weaker and weaker, and I asked my bird-watcher friend, and he said that kind of sibling rivalry is actually pretty common in those species and the one may die. I was really upset by this.”

“Isn’t that the sort of dynamic you had with your sister?” I asked.

“Yeah, it probably is,” Nussbaum said, running her finger along the rim of her plate. “It is, I guess.” She said that her sister seemed to have become happier as she aged; her musical career at the church was blossoming. “Well, this is what we’ll have to talk about in class tomorrow,” she said. “Can guilt ever be creative?” She licked the sauce on her finger. “ ‘Guilt’ might not even be quite the right word. It’s a kind of sorrow that one had profited at the expense of someone else.”

We began talking about a chapter that she intended to write for her book on aging, on the idea of looking back at one’s life and turning it into a narrative. “Did you stand for something, or didn’t you?” she said. She said that she had always admired the final words of John Stuart Mill, who reportedly said, “I have done my work.” She has quoted these words in a number of interviews and papers, offering them as the mark of a life well lived. The image of Mill on his deathbed is not dissimilar to one she has of her father, who died as he was putting papers into his briefcase. Nussbaum often describes this as a good death—he was doing his work until the end—while Nussbaum’s brother and sister see it as a sign of his isolation.

She said, “If I found that I was going to die in the next hour, I would not say that I had done my work. If you have a good life, you typically always feel that there’s something that you want to do next.” She wondered if Mill had surrendered too soon because he was prone to depression.

“It does sound a little bit final,” she went on, “and one rarely dies when one is out of useful ideas—unless maybe you were really ill for a long time.” She said that she had been in a hospital only twice, once to give birth and once when she had an operation to staple the top of her left ear to the back of her head, when she was eleven. It poked out, and her father worried that boys wouldn’t be attracted to her. “I just enjoyed having this big bandage around my head,” she said. “I was acting the part of Marley’s ghost in ‘A Christmas Carol,’ and it made quite an effect.”

She stood up to clear our plates. “You’re making me feel I chose the wrong last words,” she called out from the sink. She returned with two large cakes. “I think last words are silly,” she said, cutting herself a sliver. “Probably the best thing to do with your last words is to say goodbye to the people you love and not to talk about yourself.” ♦

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By Larissa MacFarquhar

By Elizabeth Kolbert

By Nathan Heller

By Adam Gopnik

15 Qualities That Are At The Core Of Every ‘Good’ Person

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What makes a person “good” in the grand scheme of things?

There are some traits considered to be good by just about everyone. There are also cultural variables as to what symbolizes and expresses goodness in a person. 

Ultimately, it’s up to the individual to determine what they feel are the qualities of a “good person.”

When we’re asked to explain why some of our heroes are (or were) sincerely good people, many of these traits will make the list.

1. Prudence

A good person is a prudent person. Prudence is the ability to determine whether or not a particular action is a good (or appropriate) idea at that specific point in time. It’s considered to be one of the four cardinal virtues, derived originally from Plato’s Republic .

Prudence also refers to a situation in which you have the strength to do something, but choose not to. Or, when you could do something that’s self-indulgent in the moment, but choose to err on the side of better judgment for later.

An example of this would be refraining from spending money on games and junk food because you need to save enough to cover your portion of the rent and bills. You may spend a bit on a small indulgence, but choose responsibility over temporary amusement or gratification.

2. Temperance

Although most people interpret temperance as being abstinence from something, what it actually means is moderation. 

Having temperance means finding the middle path, and balancing the self in the face of any situation. It encompasses self-discipline and self-awareness. After all, you have to know your own abilities as well as your own limits in order to find the moderate zone between them. 

For example, embodying a sense of diplomacy as a moderator means finding that magical middle ground between expressing what you need to say, with the needs and views of others around you.

In other people, temperance might mean accepting a small drink when toasting with others, but refraining from drinking to inebriation. Or thoroughly enjoying a slice of cake without overindulging.

When you are balanced and measured in your approaches to everything, you can experience and understand all without being overwhelmed by it.

Good people often show courage. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but rather the ability to take action even though you feel afraid. It is knowing that there is a difficult, potentially dangerous task ahead of you, but doing it because you know it needs to be done.

This one goes along with several of the other qualities listed here. For example, it often takes courage to act with integrity.

Courage can take many forms, from trying a new, challenging exercise to standing up to an intimidating person, or facing something that scares you.

The first level of courage is doing something even though it terrifies you.

The last level is being a calm, inspirational force to others, while feeling the same fear that they’re experiencing. 

For example, a high-ranking officer in a WWI trench was a bastion of calm and confidence, while the troops around him were quaking with fear. A young Private asked him how he was so calm, and the officer replied that he had to be in order to keep morale up. Additionally, he knew that the soldiers on the other side were also afraid, and that was oddly reassuring to him.

4. Compassion

Being compassionate isn’t just about understanding someone else’s pain. It’s also the desire to help alleviate it. One can look at a person and see that they’re suffering (sympathy) and then walk on by. But when we want to do what we can to help, then that’s compassion in action.

Ultimately, the basic element of compassion is kindness. We want to give of our own abilities to help another being who may be suffering. We can have compassion for people, animals, trees, rivers… anything that seems to be in distress that we can help to lessen.

The greatest mastery of compassion is when the one you’re trying to help is hurting you, and yet you’re still offering them assistance in a loving, gentle way. An adult may rail against you, or the hurt animal may bite you, but you still try to help.

Compassion means that you understand another’s pain without compounding it, offering what the other needs, and giving of yourself, regardless of the outcome.

5. Generosity

Generosity is a quality often associated with a good person. When we have a surplus of something, it’s important to share with others who have less. Even if we don’t have a surplus, it’s important to share with others. 

We always have something that we can share or give to those around us. This doesn’t have to be monetary wealth or physical objects, either. People who don’t have a lot of money can still be immensely generous with their time, for example. They can volunteer with the elderly or doing charity work. Or they can teach their skills to others who would like to learn from them. 

Being generous means that you’re giving with the heart, without any schemes to receive anything in return, or control those you are being generous with. These are gifts freely given, not because you think you’ll benefit in turn.

Quite often, those who have the least are the most generous toward others, because they know what it’s like to have nothing. They have the biggest hearts, and tend to be the most willing to help others in need.

6. Patience

This is one of the qualities that many admire, but it is also one of the most difficult to put into practice. It’s possible that this is because few of use are actually patient by nature. 

We tend to want things on our terms, on our own time. As a result, we get frustrated and annoyed when things don’t play out the way we think they should.

This is why it’s important to remember that the world doesn’t revolve around our wants and our schedule. There are billions of other players on this chess board, all engaged in an intricate dance. As such, we need to acknowledge and respect that we are all cogs in the machine, and our time to turn will come when it’s meant to.

Furthermore, it’s important to be aware that a lack of patience can cause a great deal of harm. People can only do their best, and when we’re impatient with those who aren’t as capable as we are, we can make them feel truly horrible about themselves. Or worse, they may end up traumatized and damaged. 

This is why it’s important to be patient with the grandmother or the child when crossing the road in a hurry, because they can’t keep up with you. If you’re not, and you walk away quickly instead of helping, they may end up getting hurt. 

Patience means that you can remain calm and measured in your responses, even when irritated. To not throw a tantrum when forced to wait. And to not complain unduly when things are taking longer than expected.

7. Respect 

Respect is undoubtedly a characteristic of a good person. When we talk about respect, we’re encompassing various aspects thereof. This includes respect for other people, self-respect, respect for life, for nature, etc.

Tolerance, esteem, appreciation, and recognition are just a few aspects of respect that can come into play.

For example, we can respect nature by not throwing garbage around or polluting water supplies. We can respect housemates by acknowledging the fact that they live their lives differently than we do, so we don’t project our behavioral expectations onto them.

We can respect our bodies by eating well and getting plenty of exercise, and show self-respect by not engaging in activities that would make us feel shame later. 

We acknowledge boundaries – our own and other people’s – and don’t overstep them for the sake of self-indulgence. We acknowledge that every individual is perfect, sovereign, and sacred. As such, we don’t put others down or mistreat them. Instead, we pay attention when they speak, honor their words, heed their personal choices.

It doesn’t take much effort to help others feel seen and heard, but it makes a world of difference to them when we do so.

8. Tolerance

Tolerance means accepting that others may think, behave, or live differently than we are, without trying to change their ways to suit our own preferences.

In simplest terms: live and let live.

Seek to understand your contemporaries in other cultures, races, religions, and creeds, rather than attacking them for their differences from you.

This is the difference between people who talk about how tolerant they are, but want to lead the next witch hunt.

In the 1600s it was witches. In the 1800s it was Amerindians. In the 1930s it was Jews. It is what it is today, and in 200 years, there will be another target group for people’s ire. 

Don’t jump on that bandwagon. We’re all better than that.

9. Integrity

A good person will act with integrity. Integrity means doing the right thing, even when nobody is watching. It’s holding to your individual moral and ethical convictions despite other people’s opinions and influences. Especially when it’s difficult to do so.

For example, let’s say that you’re working on a construction site and you find a precious artifact. You’re only making minimum wage at this gig, and this is a centuries-old gold ring buried in the mud. Nobody saw it except you. If you sold it, you’d likely make a ton of money. But you also recognize that it has historical significance.

Your sense of integrity would have you report the ring to the local coroner or Finds liaison officer so they can investigate it. Sure, you might get a reward for it – likely less than you’d have made for pawning it – but you know it’s the right thing to do. You didn’t have to, but you did it anyway.

10. Commitment

This one goes along with integrity, but expands upon it differently. 

Commitment means that you’ve held to your word, even if it was difficult to do so. This might mean sticking with a job or project that you absolutely hate because you promised someone that you would do so. Or it could be remaining faithful to a partner, despite your own non-monogamous leanings, because you gave your word that you’d be loyal.

You’ll see something through, simply because you made a promise.

A person who keeps their commitments is someone who can be trusted and relied upon. When you’re known as someone who keeps their word, you’re incredibly valued and respected in your community, as well as among your friends and loved ones.

11. Honesty

Honesty is often expressed as a quality of a good person. After all, if you discovered that someone lied to you, could you ever trust them again? If they lied to you that time, what would stop them from lying to you about everything and anything else?

People respect and appreciate honesty, especially when it’s difficult. For example, if and when we mess up horribly at work, but own that screw-up, admit to it, and take action to remedy it. Our employers and peers will respect us a lot more than if we try to cover it up or cast blame on others.

Furthermore, many people even appreciate honesty when it’s a bit hurtful. When someone is honest about a difficult topic or situation, it means that they care enough not to betray the other’s trust by lying about it. 

Of course, a lot depends on how a truth is shared. We can be gentle in our tone and the words we choose, rather than being cruel or scathing. How a truth is delivered can make the difference between long-term positive change, and trauma.

12. Humility

You know the type of person who’s always bragging about how awesome they are? Humility is the opposite of that.

Humility is holding to the idea that no person is greater or lesser than any others, despite popularity, wealth, titles, or achievements.

Those who feel that they are better or more important than other people tend to treat others badly. Since they consider themselves to be special, they often expect better treatment, and to be allowed to belittle those around them.

In contrast, someone who remains humble treats everyone around them with care and respect. They don’t tell others about all the wonderful charitable things they’ve done: they just do them. Their actions are for the greater good, not for the acknowledgement and praise they’ll receive from doing so.

13. Strength

The strength that makes a good person is mental and emotional rather than physical. Strength can be shown in a gentle way, albeit one that is unyielding. Look at Mahatma Gandhi and his hunger strike. It took immense strength to quash his own hunger, though agonizing, in order to work toward positive change. 

Hannibal and Marcus Aurelius showed immense strength of character in keeping everyone together while undertaking a massive journey. 

Anne Frank and Mother Teresa both showed tremendous strength in atrocious circumstances. Furthermore, their ability to love and care for others remained intact despite the horrors they witnessed and experienced.

You’ve likely noticed that strength and compassion, and strength and courage are linked. This is because strength is not always a projective virtue, but rather it’s an adaptive term. 

Strength is often a battery for many of the other qualities on this list. For example, you may show immense strength when you hold to integrity when everyone around you is doing something that goes against everything you believe in. Standing up for what you believe is right might be dangerous to you – perhaps even life threatening. As such, it takes immense strength of character and will to be true to yourself. 

There are many different types of love, despite the fact that only one word is used to encompass them in the Western world. We’re mostly familiar with romantic love, or the love felt between parents and children. But we can love humanity or nature with all our hearts as well. And we know that we love when we pour our energy toward other beings’ happiness, health, success, and freedom.

Some people mistake infatuation for love. Or possessiveness. Someone might love another person because they feel that the other person will give them what they need. Similarly, they might love a pet, or a house, or any other being or creature that brings them fulfillment. 

In contrast, when we truly love a person, our greatest wish is for their happiness. 

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski covers this when he talks about “fish love.” What most people consider to be “love” is when their needs are fulfilled. Such as a man who eats a fish because he loves fish. This man loves the fish he’s eating so much that he took it out of the water, boiled it, and is eating it. He loves himself, and sees the fish as something that will fulfill his needs and wants.

If he truly loved the fish, he would encourage it to swim happily and lead a beautiful life. 

Real love isn’t a question of what we’re going to get from a situation or a person, but what we can give .

15. Self-awareness

You know in your gut when you’ve done wrong, or when you have done good.

If you ever do something and feel a twinge of shame or disgust with your actions, then you’re fully aware that you didn’t act in love or respect. Perhaps you did something sneaky for the sake of your own self-interests. Or the selfish altruism you displayed was far more for your own benefit than the other person’s.

In contrast, when you’ve done something that’s ethical and loving, you’ll feel an immense lightness of being. A warm glow will suffuse through you, and you might even get a bit choked up. You know that your actions will have long-reaching positive repercussions; like a glowing pebble thrown into a pond. Every ripple will carry light along with it.

Listen to this feeling when it speaks to you. Recognize it as your own inner compass, and allow it to lead you to the sincere goodness you’re capable of.

You may also like:

• 10 Tips For Figuring Out What Kind Of Person You Want To Be
• What To Do If You Feel Like You’re A Bad Person
• 50 Personal Development Goals To Set Yourself
• What Is A Personal Philosophy And How Do You Develop One?
• What Should We Aspire To Most In Life?
• How To Show Respect For Others (+ Why It’s Important In Life)
• How To Be Truly Humble, And Why It’s Worth It
• How To Be Patient In An Increasingly Impatient World

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About The Author

Finn Robinson has spent the past few decades travelling the globe and honing his skills in bodywork, holistic health, and environmental stewardship. In his role as a personal trainer and fitness coach, he’s acted as an informal counselor to clients and friends alike, drawing upon his own life experience as well as his studies in both Eastern and Western philosophies. For him, every day is an opportunity to be of service to others in the hope of sowing seeds for a better world.

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Essay Samples on Being a Good Person

Working on the set goal to become a good person.

Being a good leader and role model is very important to me and I am very motivated to gain any skills that will assist in achieving those qualities. I want to develop the self confidence, vision, wisdom, motivational impact and delivery skills that most effective...

• Being a Good Person
• Human Behavior

The Struggle of Being a Good Person and Leader at the Same Time

I worked for Infosys Ltd, one amongst the top Software giants in India, for 4.6 years. I joined as a Trainee and was a Technology analyst by the time I quit Infosys. I have had the opportunity to work with 5 to 6 leaders in...

Letting Go of Being a 'Good' Person and Becoming a Better Person

Each individual defines being a good person differently by perspective. The definition of a good person is narrow due to the human brain relies on shortcuts to do a lot of its work. It was explained that that mental processes are taken place outside of...

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Best topics on Being a Good Person

1. Working on the Set Goal to Become a Good Person

2. The Struggle of Being a Good Person and Leader at the Same Time

3. Letting Go of Being a ‘Good’ Person and Becoming a Better Person

• Personal Experience
• Perseverance
• Personality
• Cohabitation

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Essay on Qualities of a Good Person

Students are often asked to write an essay on Qualities of a Good Person in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Qualities of a Good Person

Understanding goodness.

A good person is someone we all strive to be. They possess traits that are admired and make others feel good.

Kindness and Compassion

Kindness is a fundamental quality. A good person shows compassion, helping others without expecting anything in return.

Honesty and Integrity

Honesty and integrity are vital. A good person stays true to their word, ensuring trust is built and maintained.

Respectfulness

Respect for all is another key quality. Good people understand that everyone is unique and deserves respect.

Responsibility

Lastly, responsibility is essential. Good people are accountable for their actions, learning from mistakes, and striving to improve.

250 Words Essay on Qualities of a Good Person

Introduction.

Being a good person is a complex and multifaceted concept, encompassing a variety of characteristics and traits. It’s a subjective term, often shaped by societal norms, personal beliefs, and individual values. However, some universal qualities are widely recognized as markers of a good person.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. A good person is empathetic, demonstrating an innate capacity to connect with others on an emotional level. They can put themselves in someone else’s shoes, fostering understanding and promoting unity.

Integrity is a fundamental quality of a good person. It’s about being honest, trustworthy, and standing up for what is right, even when it’s challenging. A person with integrity holds themselves accountable for their actions and decisions, fostering respect and trust among their peers.

Respect for Diversity

In an increasingly globalized world, respect for diversity is crucial. A good person acknowledges and appreciates the differences among people, embracing diversity in thought, culture, and lifestyle. They understand that diversity enriches society and fosters growth and innovation.

Kindness, though simple, is a powerful quality. A good person is kind, not because they expect something in return, but because it’s the right thing to do. They strive to spread positivity, make others feel valued, and contribute to a more compassionate world.

In conclusion, being a good person is about more than just individual actions or behaviors. It’s about embodying qualities like empathy, integrity, respect for diversity, and kindness. These qualities enable us to connect with others, foster positive relationships, and contribute to a better world.

500 Words Essay on Qualities of a Good Person

Understanding the qualities that make a good person is essential in fostering interpersonal relationships and building societies. A good person is not defined by their wealth, fame, or power but by their character, actions, and how they treat others. This essay outlines several key qualities that define a good person.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It is an essential quality that allows a person to connect with others on a deeper level. Empathy fosters kindness and compassion, making one considerate of the feelings and circumstances of others. It encourages mutual understanding and respect, which are vital in any social interaction.

Integrity is another crucial quality of a good person. It involves being honest and having strong moral principles. People with integrity stand by their beliefs and values, even when facing challenges. They uphold ethical standards and are reliable and trustworthy. Their actions align with their words, making them dependable and respected in their communities.

Resilience refers to the ability to recover quickly from difficulties. Life is full of ups and downs, and a good person knows how to navigate these challenges without losing their sense of self. Resilient individuals are adaptable and maintain a positive outlook on life, despite the obstacles they face. Their ability to bounce back inspires others and fosters a sense of hope and optimism.

Selflessness

Selflessness is the ability to put others’ needs before your own. A good person is willing to make sacrifices for the benefit of others. They give their time, resources, and energy to help those in need without expecting anything in return. Their selfless acts often make a significant impact on the lives of others.

Open-mindedness

Open-mindedness is the willingness to consider different ideas and perspectives. A good person understands that the world is diverse, and people have varying opinions and beliefs. They respect these differences and are open to learning from others. Their open-mindedness fosters inclusivity and promotes understanding and acceptance.

In conclusion, the qualities of a good person revolve around their character and actions towards others. Empathy, integrity, resilience, selflessness, and open-mindedness are all critical attributes. These qualities not only make individuals better but also contribute to building healthier relationships and societies. It is essential to remember that being a good person is not about perfection but striving to make a positive impact on the lives of others.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

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10 Reasons Why It Benefits of Being A Good Human

What are the Benefits of Being A Good Human ?

“How should I live?” “Should I live morally?” “Why should I be moral?” “Is it wise for me and my future to be moral or would I be better off being immoral, so long as I can get away with it?”

Bringing together the conception of happiness with a modern conception of self-respect, it turns out to be bad is to be a bad person, whereas, it is good to be a good person. Let’s look at some reasons why. Here are the Benefits of Being A Good Human .

1. Being Bad Is Just Bad… For You and Everyone Else

Some have come up with this misconception that being bad or immoral can be good for a person, in other words justified, especially when we can “get away with it”. There are some good reasons to think this is so not true. The most crucial reason being that being bad or immoral is self-disrespecting and it’s hard to picture yourself happy with no self-respect. Here’s one debate:

• Being moral (or good) is needed to be have Self-Respect.
• Self-Respect is needed to be happy

2. Furthermore, Being Good Is Need For One’s Own Happiness

Undeniably, a full defense of this reasoning requires more than can be given in a blog post, but optimistically, it isn’t too hard to see how lying, cheating, and stealing – or being immoral in general – is conflicting with having genuine self-respect.

It’s The Only Way To Have Honorable Self-Respect

We can only have self-respect by respecting who we really are. We can’t do that if we just respect some false image of ourselves. So, self-respect requires self-knowledge. And only people who can make rational self-assessments can have self-knowledge. And only fair and just people, good, moral people, can make just and fair self-assessments. (This is a very condensed description of a prolonged argument.)

3. Being A Good Human Allows You To See All The Beautifully Good Things That Hold Value In The World

Part of what makes good, good, is that it requires the good people in the world to know what is good and what is not. Bad people are bad and good people are good. Bad people have bad values and make unwise choices while good people have good values and make wiser choices. Plain and simple, good values require valuing what deserves to be valued and not giving no attention to what doesn’t.

4. A study of West Point cadets revealed that cadets with mixed motives – some selfish, instrumental, and career-oriented, while others are fundamental and responsive to the value of the job itself – do not perform as well cadets whose motives pure.

5. Being A Good Human Means Taking Good Care Of Yourself

No, it doesn’t mean be immoral and egotistical like you’re the only important being in the world, or that nothing in the world matters more than you because then you’re missing the whole point of this. Give yourself permission to “BE” better to yourself.

6. Being A Good Human Allows You To Be Passionate About What Truly Matters To You

The best part is you choose what that is to you. You don’t allow the negative things that don’t hold much value like everyday distractions like emotions, desires, and needs. It allows you complete focus.

7. Being a good human to yourself and others means you are and will be courageous in the face of danger and pain, rejection and despair. You will speak your truth to power. And it helps you to analyze risks, deceit, and take advantage of opportunities to help you be the most successful you that you can be.

8. Being A Good Human Gives Room For Your Wisdom And Experience To Expand Into Your Later Years

Deep wisdom may not be open to all, as some may simply not have the intellectual means to do so. Yet, of course, we can all be as wise as we can be. Better said as we choose to allow because this won’t happen by accident. Wise people have a knack to see into the “heart of the matter”, and this won’t happen unless we care about the things that hold value. So being good helps us to spread the right values by being humans that value the right things like having principals and making the right decisions.

9. Being A Good Human Good Means That We Are Lovers Of All Things Good And, If Lucky, We Will Be Loved By Those Who Themselves Are Good As Well

Lovers of all thing’s good means that to the best of our ability we are good at loving what is good. So, feeling good and loving what is good, is what makes them good lovers. And it’s sweet to be a good lover, isn’t it? So good lovers who enjoy what is good are more likely to be cherished in return by those who also love what is good. What could be better than being loved by a good person who is your beloved?

10. Being A Good Human, Well Above All, Just Being Good People Can Live A Truly Happy Life

Just good people are living a good life.

In conclusion, you benefit a lot more by being a good human because you will be doing yourself and the world in general a great deed. It cost nothing to hold doors and saying thank you. Furthermore, you benefit so much more because of the happiness you’d be giving others but most importantly yourself.

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Example Essay On Being a Good Human Being

• Author Writer

 Being a Good Human Being

      Humankind is a species, an individual, living among the creations of God. A human being, a cultural-bearing individual or human being, or a being who bears the indelible imprint of his human personality. In any culture, civilization, or society, the concept of a human being is considered sacred. It plays a major role in shaping the ethical and spiritual life of a society. The concepts of morality, righteousness, and truth are conceived, developed, maintained, and supported by human beings.

       The human being is a unique individual existing in the here and now, with all of the varying human qualities that come with us regardless of our race, color, creed, or gender; and with all our diverse capacities for loving and sharing. All of these human qualities-competitiveness, creativity, empathy, generosity, truth, justice, kindness, and compassion have their own distinct place in the life of a human being. Thus, it is the human being's responsibility to respect, nurture and use them to improve their quality of life.

When the desired mindset is cultivated and owned, the person develops a sense of himself as well as his abilities. He knows he is valuable, special, and deserving of rights and opportunities. These rights become his birthright. He values his person as well as his abilities; and works hard to achieve them.

       Being a good human being is a valuable quality: vital to the real success of any operation, important to preserve order, and maintaining a stable society. The concept of a person as a valuable quality is inherent in all religions, philosophies, ethics, public policies, etc. The only exception here would be when a person is regarded as less valuable or precious e.g., economic inferiority by his society or the society he lives in. For example, in certain societies and cultures, inferior classes are considered inferior, and so they are forced to work in the streets or at the bottom of the pyramid. In other societies, people are valued by their capabilities, not by their potential which they have no hope of ever satisfying.

       Courage is a valuable quality. It is the ability to face unpleasant or unexpected situations. It is the power to persist where others might fail or are fleeing from. For example, it is the courage to stand up against discrimination or violence. It is the ability to face unpleasant conditions and remain calm. On the whole, these five human qualities are essential to a person; and all of them are valuable for the quality of life that we experience.

         The concepts of worth, equity, and courage are the basic moral foundation of society since these values shape the basic decision-making instruments such as the money and currency, and the basic user experiences i.e. the money flow and consumer confidence. All these concepts can be understood by looking at the meaning of "worth," "equity," and "charity." We value something only if it has a positive financial return for us. We value equity only if the returns are positive and adequate for us to live comfortably. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we value courage primarily because it is a valuable quality that helps us overcome obstacles and face unpleasant or unexpected situations.

       The concept of the mind as an engine that drives the body is central to psychology. The desired mindset is one in which the five human qualities of courage, equity, respect, patience, and understanding are all available and easily accessible. In order to achieve this desired mindset, it is important to build a personal infrastructure - a strong support structure that helps you to acquire and maintain your mental strength and vision. The better your personal infrastructure, the more likely you are to achieve your goals. The right mindset is essential to the learning process, and the more readily you can learn the right mental tools and attitude, the more quickly and efficiently you will learn how to use those tools to your benefit.

In summary: "The definition of the good has nothing to do with the good that is seen, heard, and experienced, but instead with the power of the will to act." Albert Einstein was right! The "right" of the "will" to act has everything to do with "the human personality, its ability to act on its own behalf, and its capacity to overcome obstacles." Let's face it, human nature is awesome, and we owe it to ourselves and to each other to master it!

Needleman, Jacob. Why Can’t We be good? New York: Penguin Group US, 2007. Print.

Gelvin, Michael. The Risk of Being: What it Means to be Good and Bad . New York: Penn State Press, 1997. Print.

Dastagir, Alia E. "Are You a Good Person? Morality Experts Say This Is How to Find Out.” USA Today , Gannet Satellite Information Network, 21 Dec. 2018,

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The importance of being a good person, an open letter to the good-hearted people..

Being a good person does not depend on your religion or status in life, your race or skin color, political views or culture. It depends on how good you treat others.

We are all born to do something great. Whether that be to grow up and become a doctor and save the lives of thousands of people, run a marathon, win the Noble Peace Prize, or be the greatest mother or father for your own future children one day. Regardless, we are all born with a purpose. But in between birth and death lies a path that life paves for us; a path that we must fill with something that gives our lives meaning.

However, there are times where the obstacles of life seem to get the best of us and we often let it go to heart. And by obstacles, I mean people who often take advantage of mistreating others. But, instead of taking each and every negative thing or action that happens to you as a personal attack on your character, remember one thing: you're a good person .

I know it sounds corny, but it's true. It's so important to remember that you're a good person and you don't deserve to be treated or feel like otherwise. The biggest problem that people often face is that struggle of others taking advantage of you and your good heart. But, don't let this get the best of you. Instead, let it be a lesson for you to realize that not everyone will truly appreciate your kindness and those are the people whom you should eliminate from your life.

No matter how many people try to tell you otherwise, never change who you are for anyone. Keep doing things for other people out of the goodness of your heart, not for the sole purpose to please others. It's so important to stay true to who you are in order to serve as a role model for those who look up to you. Even though you may not realize it, you serve a huge significance in someone else's life where they feel as if they have been influenced by the person you are to the point where he or she only aspires to be as good of a person as you.

I also know there are times where being a good person seems like the worst possible thing; almost as if it's a trait that works completely against you. There are times where people walk all over you, or not include you in their plans, or maybe act like you don't even exist because you're just convenient to them when they need you. Those are the worst kinds of people. But you need to remember something, you matter. You treat people the way you would want to be treated and that is one of the biggest indicators that you are human in the sense that you see the goodness in others as well.

Being a good person is a lot more than what others seem to give you credit for. People don't understand that those like us whom have good hearts and are just always there for other people, have to deal with a lot of negativity because people tend to associate kindness with weakness. But actually, it's the complete opposite. When you're a good person, you are the strongest type of person there is. You are the one who people confide in whenever they need comfort or advice. You are the one who your friends come to whenever they have good or bad news.

At the end of the day, you are the one who are the one people will always be thankful for because their lives wouldn't be the same without you.

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25 beatles lyrics: your go-to guide for every situation, the best lines from the fab four.

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The End- Abbey Road, 1969

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Dear Prudence- The White Album, 1968

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

Because- Abbey Road, 1969

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

All You Need Is Love, 1967

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

We Can Work It Out- Rubber Soul, 1965

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Come Together- Abbey Road, 1969

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

I Wanna Hold Your Hand- Meet The Beatles!, 1964

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band-1967

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Strawberry Fields Forever- Magical Mystery Tour, 1967

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Rain- Paperback Writer "B" side, 1966

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

Here Comes The Sun- Abbey Road, 1969

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

Saw Her Standing There- Please Please Me, 1963

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

Michelle- Rubber Soul, 1965

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

Revolution- The Beatles, 1968

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Eleanor Rigby- Revolver, 1966

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

With A Little Help From My Friends- Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, 1967

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Hey Jude, 1968

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

Yesterday- Help!, 1965

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

Let It Be- Let It Be, 1970

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all i got to give if you say you'll love me too. i may not have a lot to give but what i got i'll give to you. i don't care too much for money. money can't buy me love.

Can't Buy Me Love- A Hard Day's Night, 1964

All you need is love, love is all you need

All You Need Is Love- Magical Mystery Tour, 1967

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird- The White Album, 1968

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

In My Life- Rubber Soul, 1965

While these are my 25 favorites, there are quite literally 1000s that could have been included. The Beatles' body of work is massive and there is something for everyone. If you have been living under a rock and haven't discovered the Fab Four, you have to get musically educated. Stream them on Spotify, find them on iTunes or even buy a CD or record (Yes, those still exist!). I would suggest starting with 1, which is a collection of most of their #1 songs, or the 1968 White Album. Give them chance and you'll never look back.

14 Invisible Activities: Unleash Your Inner Ghost!

Obviously the best superpower..

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

1. "Haunt" your friends.

Follow them into their house and cause a ruckus.

2. Sneak into movie theaters.

Going to the cinema alone is good for your mental health , says science

Considering that the monthly cost of subscribing to a media-streaming service like Netflix is oft...

Free movies...what else to I have to say?

3. Sneak into the pantry and grab a snack without judgment.

Late night snacks all you want? Duh.

4. Reenact "Hollow Man" and play Kevin Bacon.

America's favorite son? And feel what it's like to be in a MTV Movie Award nominated film? Sign me up.

5. Wear a mask and pretend to be a floating head.

Just another way to spook your friends in case you wanted to.

6. Hold objects so they'll "float."

"Oh no! A floating jar of peanut butter."

7. Win every game of hide-and-seek.

Just stand out in the open and you'll win.

8. Eat some food as people will watch it disappear.

Even everyday activities can be funny.

9. Go around pantsing your friends.

Even pranks can be done; not everything can be good.

10. Not have perfect attendance.

You'll say here, but they won't see you...

11. Avoid anyone you don't want to see.

Whether it's an ex or someone you hate, just use your invisibility to slip out of the situation.

12. Avoid responsibilities.

Chores? Invisible. People asking about social life? Invisible. Family being rude? Boom, invisible.

13. Be an expert on ding-dong-ditch.

Never get caught and have the adrenaline rush? I'm down.

14. Brag about being invisible.

Be the envy of the town.

But don't, I repeat, don't go in a locker room. Don't be a pervert with your power. No one likes a Peeping Tom.

Good luck, folks.

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned..

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

1. The importance of traditions.

Sometimes traditions seem like a silly thing, but the fact of it is that it's part of who you are. You grew up this way and, more than likely, so did your parents. It is something that is part of your family history and that is more important than anything.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

No matter how many times they get on your nerves or make you mad, they are the ones who will always be there and you should never take that for granted.

3. How to give back.

When tragedy strikes in a small town, everyone feels obligated to help out because, whether directly or indirectly, it affects you too. It is easy in a bigger city to be able to disconnect from certain problems. But in a small town those problems affect everyone.

4. What the word "community" really means.

Along the same lines as #3, everyone is always ready and willing to lend a helping hand when you need one in a small town and to me that is the true meaning of community. It's working together to build a better atmosphere, being there to raise each other up, build each other up, and pick each other up when someone is in need. A small town community is full of endless support whether it be after a tragedy or at a hometown sports game. Everyone shows up to show their support.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

People say this to others all the time, but it takes on a whole new meaning in a small town. It is true that life is about the journey, but when you're from a small town, you know it's about the journey because the journey probably takes longer than you spend at the destination. Everything is so far away that it is totally normal to spend a couple hours in the car on your way to some form of entertainment. And most of the time, you're gonna have as many, if not more, memories and laughs on the journey than at the destination.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

Word travels fast in a small town, so don't think you're gonna get away with anything. In fact, your parents probably know what you did before you even have a chance to get home and tell them. And forget about being scared of what your teacher, principle, or other authority figure is going to do, you're more afraid of what your parents are gonna do when you get home.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

Everyone deserves a chance. Most people don't have ill-intentions and you can't live your life guarding against every one else just because a few people in your life have betrayed your trust.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

While small towns are not always extremely diverse, they do contain people with a lot of different stories, struggle, and backgrounds. In a small town, it is pretty hard to exclude anyone because of who they are or what they come from because there aren't many people to choose from. A small town teaches you that just because someone isn't the same as you, doesn't mean you can't be great friends.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

In a small town, you learn that it's okay to be who you are and do your own thing. You learn that confidence isn't how beautiful you are or how much money you have, it's who you are on the inside.

10. How to work for what I want.

Nothing comes easy in life. They always say "gardens don't grow overnight" and if you're from a small town you know this both figuratively and literally. You certainly know gardens don't grow overnight because you've worked in a garden or two. But you also know that to get to the place you want to be in life it takes work and effort. It doesn't just happen because you want it to.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

If you're from a small town, you know that you will probably only meet a handful of people in your life who ACTUALLY know where your town is. And forget about the people who accidentally enter into your town because of google maps. You've gotten really good at giving them directions right back to the interstate.

12. How to be humble .

My small town has definitely taught me how to be humble. It isn't always about you, and anyone who grows up in a small town knows that. Everyone gets their moment in the spotlight, and since there's so few of us, we're probably best friends with everyone so we are as excited when they get their moment of fame as we are when we get ours.

13. To be well-rounded.

Going to a small town high school definitely made me well-rounded. There isn't enough kids in the school to fill up all the clubs and sports teams individually so be ready to be a part of them all.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

In a small town, good luck holding a grudge. In a bigger city you can just avoid a person you don't like or who you've had problems with. But not in a small town. You better resolve the issue fast because you're bound to see them at least 5 times a week.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

One of my favorite things about growing up in a rural area was being able to go outside and go exploring and not have to worry about being in danger. There is nothing more exciting then finding a new place somewhere in town or in the woods and just spending time there enjoying the natural beauty around you.

16. To be prepared for anything.

You never know what may happen. If you get a flat tire, you better know how to change it yourself because you never know if you will be able to get ahold of someone else to come fix it. Mechanics might be too busy , or more than likely you won't even have enough cell service to call one.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

It's okay to ask for help. One thing I realized when I moved away from my town for college, was how much my town has taught me that I could ask for help is I needed it. I got into a couple situations outside of my town where I couldn't find anyone to help me and found myself thinking, if I was in my town there would be tons of people ready to help me. And even though I couldn't find anyone to help, you better believe I wasn't afraid to ask.

18. How to be creative.

When you're at least an hour away from normal forms of entertainment such as movie theaters and malls, you learn to get real creative in entertaining yourself. Whether it be a night looking at the stars in the bed of a pickup truck or having a movie marathon in a blanket fort at home, you know how to make your own good time.

19. To brush off gossip.

It's all about knowing the person you are and not letting others influence your opinion of yourself. In small towns, there is plenty of gossip. But as long as you know who you really are, it will always blow over.

Grateful Beyond Words: A Letter to My Inspiration

I have never been so thankful to know you..

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

You have taught me that you don't always have to strong. You are allowed to break down as long as you pick yourself back up and keep moving forward. When life had you at your worst moments, you allowed your friends to be there for you and to help you. You let them in and they helped pick you up. Even in your darkest hour you showed so much strength. I know that you don't believe in yourself as much as you should but you are unbelievably strong and capable of anything you set your mind to.

Your passion to make a difference in the world is unbelievable. You put your heart and soul into your endeavors and surpass any personal goal you could have set. Watching you do what you love and watching you make a difference in the lives of others is an incredible experience. The way your face lights up when you finally realize what you have accomplished is breathtaking and I hope that one day I can have just as much passion you have.

SEE MORE: A Letter To My Best Friend On Her Birthday

The love you have for your family is outstanding. Watching you interact with loved ones just makes me smile . You are so comfortable and you are yourself. I see the way you smile when you are around family and I wish I could see you smile like this everyday. You love with all your heart and this quality is something I wished I possessed.

You inspire me to be the best version of myself. I look up to you. I feel that more people should strive to have the strength and passion that you exemplify in everyday life.You may be stubborn at points but when you really need help you let others in, which shows strength in itself. I have never been more proud to know someone and to call someone my role model. You have taught me so many things and I want to thank you. Thank you for inspiring me in life. Thank you for making me want to be a better person.

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life..

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Don't freak out

This is a rule you should continue to follow no matter what you do in life, but is especially helpful in this situation.

Email the professor

Around this time, professors are getting flooded with requests from students wanting to get into full classes. This doesn't mean you shouldn't burden them with your email; it means they are expecting interested students to email them. Send a short, concise message telling them that you are interested in the class and ask if there would be any chance for you to get in.

Attend the first class

Often, the advice professors will give you when they reply to your email is to attend the first class. The first class isn't the most important class in terms of what will be taught. However, attending the first class means you are serious about taking the course and aren't going to give up on it.

Keep attending class

Every student is in the same position as you are. They registered for more classes than they want to take and are "shopping." For the first couple of weeks, you can drop or add classes as you please, which means that classes that were once full will have spaces. If you keep attending class and keep up with assignments, odds are that you will have priority. Professors give preference to people who need the class for a major and then from higher to lower class year (senior to freshman).

Have a backup plan

For two weeks, or until I find out whether I get into my waitlisted class, I will be attending more than the usual number of classes. This is so that if I don't get into my waitlisted class, I won't have a credit shortage and I won't have to fall back in my backup class. Chances are that enough people will drop the class, especially if it is very difficult like computer science, and you will have a chance. In popular classes like art and psychology, odds are you probably won't get in, so prepare for that.

Remember that everything works out at the end

Life is full of surprises. So what if you didn't get into the class you wanted? Your life obviously has something else in store for you. It's your job to make sure you make the best out of what you have.

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• Boredom Makes Us Human

I n a recent article in the Financial Times, Markham Heid shares with us a peculiar life crisis. At 41, he has built what many would regard as the good life: he has a family; he is healthy, productive, and creative; he has time to travel, read, exercise, and see friends. Yet, he feels that “something is off.” He gives this state a variety of names, including mid-life melancholy, ennui, and despair. He also diagnoses it in others all around him. To fight against it, some of his friends have turned to ayahuasca retreats, others to fitness. What renders Heid’s malaise somewhat strange is that it does not seem to arise from anything specific. If Heid had lost his job, had no time for himself, or was struggling in his marriage, some of these feelings would seem less puzzling. 

In the history of philosophy, there have been many attempts to understand such powerful but objectless feelings. Boredom , anxiety , and despair are some of the descriptions these moods have received. In the novel Nausea , the French existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre describes someone who mysteriously experiences that feeling whenever they are confronted with ordinary objects, like a pebble on the beach. The German philosopher Martin Heidegger describes an uncanny unease we may feel when we are bored and searching desperately for distractions. The Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard speaks of a silent despair in the background of our lives, a sense of discord or dread of an unknown something that can grab us momentarily.

Sadly, the philosophical descriptions of such moods have often been misunderstood as sombre or romantic moments of existential reflection where we recognize our mortality or the meaninglessness of life. Pictured in this way, these moments are bound to stay isolated from the anxiety, despair, and melancholy that we face in our ordinary life and seek help for. But if we look beyond the existentialist clichés, the philosophical ideas on such moods can offer a new way forward. What could Heid have learnt from the philosophers?

Moods of nothing

Despite Heid’s references to Heidegger, we do not read anything about the philosopher’s own ruminations of a very similar experience of flatness: a feeling that all things (and we ourselves) sink into indifference; a sense that things around us slip away or we slip away from ourselves; a malaise related to a vacant stillness. What is remarkable, for Heidegger, is that such intense affects arise despite the fact that nothing may have changed in our lives: one is still surrounded by the same people, events, and activities, but these do not engage us as they used to. It is this feature that makes him describe what he calls “anxiety” as a mood generated by nothing in particular.

This makes such feelings doubly unwelcome. Most of us can tolerate negative emotions if we see them as instrumental to something desirable—we do not run to a therapist to treat a fear if we think that it holds us back from doing something obviously risky. But unlike fear, what Heidegger calls anxiety and what Heid’s article describes do not protect us from anything specific. No wonder why Sigmund Freud called anxiety a “ riddle .”

But this view is too simplistic for Heidegger. It risks concealing both the value and meaning of the feelings he describes. First, the human emotional life is much more complex than a simple battle between positive and negative feelings, or useful and useless emotions. Second, objectless moods can teach us something significant not about specific risks or problems in our lives but about the fact that we have a life to live at all. Learning from them can allow us to find what Heidegger describes as a sense of peace and joy within the malaise.

What’s missing?

Heid says that “some essential aspect of life is missing or not sufficiently represented.” He ends up attributing his melancholy to the lack of new experiences. Kierkegaard calls this the illusion of “crop rotation,” the idea that changing the soil frequently can save us from boredom and despair. 

But what really drives such moods is not the need for new experiences. It is not even the particulars of our individual lives or the culture we belong to, but that we have been given a life to live in the first place, the taste of possibility that comes with being alive. The kinds of questions that arise are not questions like “have I married the right person?” “will parenthood enrich my life?” or “do I have enough hobbies?” It is the more fundamental questions like “what does it mean to be human?” “what am I supposed to do with the fact that I was given a life?” and “what kind of life is possible for me?” that best explain our human tendency for anxiety, despair, or boredom .

This is why such moods are likely to appear as a mid-life crisis. With many of our life goals fulfilled, we start to wonder what life is for, what is possible for human existence, and what we are doing for it. Humans are inherently ambivalent toward possibility, attracted but also repelled by it. On one hand, we can experience it as a radical openness, an appreciation of our life as a gift. On the other, the open-endedness of possibility, the sense that one could always be doing more with their life, can create a great sense of agony about who we are and how we should go on. 

Throwing us out of our everyday lives, such moods make us ponder existence itself. They are cases where who we are and what we are for becomes an issue for each one of us. These questions never assume a final answer. Hovering over our lives, they can always leave us with a sense of unease. Recognizing that these questions are there, and that they matter, can at least allow us to know what may be missing, even when all is good.

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What Makes a Good Essay?

By stephanie whetstone.

The deadline for this year’s Princeton Writes Prize Staff Essay Contest has been set (March 1, 2020)! We hope you are already hard at work polishing your prose, but in case you are struggling to get started, let’s consider what makes a “good” essay.

Dictionary.com defines the essay as “a short literary composition on a particular theme or subject, usually in prose and generally analytic, speculative, or interpretative.” This leaves a lot of room for creativity. For a personal essay, focus on the personal part. Why are you writing about this subject? Why now? How does your experience connect with your audience’s? A personal essay is not self-indulgent; rather, it is a means of connecting with others through the common experience of being human.

The winners of the Princeton Writes Prize have written about New South, travels in Japan, a timeworn stone step, and a dining room table. None of these subjects is inherently gripping, but they became so when connected to the writer’s thoughtful, heartfelt experience.

Write as specifically as you can about what is important to you, what excites you, what connects you to the world, or what you can’t seem to get off your mind. So how do you start? Think about your purpose: is it to entertain, to explain, to argue, to compare, or to reveal? It can also be a combination of these things.

At Princeton, we are lucky to have one of the great essay writers of our time, John McPhee, on faculty. In his wonderful essay, “Searching for Marvin Gardens,” McPhee has a few stories going at once: the “real time” experience of playing monopoly with a friend, his walk through the streets of Atlantic City, the history of the creation of the game of Monopoly, and a commentary about the economic and social realities of the time in which the essay was written. It begins:

“Go. I roll the dice—a six and a two. Through the air I move my token, the flatiron, to Vermont Avenue, where dog packs range.

“The dogs are moving (some are limping) through ruins, rubble, fire dam­age, open garbage. Doorways are gone. Lath is visible in the crumbling walls of the buildings. The street sparkles with shattered glass. I have never seen, anywhere, so many broken windows. A sign—”Slow, Children at Play”—has been bent backward by an automobile. At the farmhouse, the dogs turn up Pacific and disappear.”

The primary action puts the reader immediately into the world the writer has created and follows “characters” through a plot. The connecting paragraphs provide context and place the experience in the broader world. You may want to tell your story straight through or, like McPhee, stray from a linear structure—not just beginning, middle, end—moving back and forth in time.

Begin your story at the last possible moment you can without losing important information. If you are writing about the birth of a child, for example, you might want to start in the hospital in the midst of labor, rather than months before.

To shift in time, make sure you have an object or experience to “trigger” the shift, such as McPhee’s dogs. You need not be as accomplished as he to write your own essay, but reading his work and the work of other writers can provide guidance and inspiration.

Remember that an essay is a story, so even though it is nonfiction, it will benefit from the elements of a story: characters, plot, setting, dialogue, point of view, and tone. Is your story funny, sad, contemplative, nostalgic, magical, or a combination of these?

Your job as a writer is to help the reader imagine what you see in your mind’s eye. That requires sensory detail. Be sure to write about sounds, sights, smells, textures, and tastes. Remember, too, that your work will be read by a wide audience, so you need to determine how much of yourself and your intimate experience you are comfortable sharing.

Another great Princeton writer, Joyce Carol Oates, writes with exquisite sensory detail in her essay, “They All Just Went Away.”

“To push open a door into such silence: the absolute emptiness of a house whose occupants have departed. Often, the crack of broken glass underfoot. A startled buzzing of flies, hornets. The slithering, ticklish sensation of a garter snake crawling across floorboards.

“Left behind, as if in haste, were remnants of a lost household. A broken toy on the floor, a baby’s bottle. A rain-soaked sofa, looking as if it had been gutted with a hunter’s skilled knife. Strips of wallpaper like shredded skin. Smashed crockery, piles of tin cans; soda, beer, whiskey bottles. An icebox, its door yawning open. Once, on a counter, a dirt-stiffened rag that, unfolded like precious cloth, revealed itself to be a woman’s cheaply glamorous “see-through” blouse, threaded with glitter-strips of gold.”

No matter what you choose to write about, forgive your first draft if it’s terrible. You will improve it in the editing. And finally, read each draft aloud: tell the story first to yourself.

Happy writing!

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-“Is it important to be a good human being and accommodating or we should be aggressive and achieve success?”

Being humane is the best trait of a human being. There will be happiness all around in the society, if and only if, there is the motto among we, the human race of ‘live, and let live’. This motto of life itself point towards the accommodating nature or characteristics among the human beings. Success can also be achieved even if, we are not aggressive. On the other hand, success can also be achieved even if, we are of accommodating nature. This itself in fact add another feather to one’s success by making it a sharing and caring one. Sharing and caring in the sense that, the more accommodating that we become in life, the more the share of our success is ushered upon our fellow beings in the times to come.

                              In other words, it is certainly not necessary to be aggressive and thereby achieve success rather, we can achieve success by being accommodating and a good human being. Accommodating in this regard means yes, one must achieve success in one’s personal life but, at the same time, his/her fruits of success should be distributed among his/her fellow beings of the society. Then only we can boast ourselves of being having an accommodating nature among us. Personal aggrandisement of the fruits of success makes one self-centric. While, on the other hand, accommodating nature among, we the mankind makes us, or, our fruits of success all-encompassing one. All-encompassing in the sense that, it, that is our success is ushered and shared by one and all of the society. 

                             Who then are good human beings? What are the yardsticks which makes a human being good in nature? I believe, there is no distinct or certain hard and fast yardsticks which makes a human being good in nature to determine. It varies, that is the yardstick of being a good human being varies from individual to individual. However, in common parlance those members of the society who are far away from selfishness and self-aggrandisement may certainly be termed or categorised as being good in nature. Moreover, fellow feeling, respect for the elders and love for the younger lots are some of the traits which may be categorised as some of the traits of good human beings in an overall perspective.

                             Does not all these traits of good human beings point towards the accommodating nature of we, the human beings. Certainly, it does. Thus, being good human being is itself a trait of accommodating in nature while, one is in the path of achieving success. Being, aggressive on the path of success makes certainly a person selfish. Therefore, such success is myopic in nature. It engrosses only the achiever without any bearing of such a success to the immediate society to which he/she belongs. Such a success is self-accumulating and self-enjoyed by thus keeping oneself aloof from the mainstream society.

CONCLUSION: - Looking at the pros and cons of the above facts in view, it can rightly be concluded that, what is success if it cannot be enjoyed by the achiever’s fellow beings? What will be its value? Where in such a scenario, the status of human beings as a rational animal as well as a social animal will be? In such a context, we need to define human beings in terms of self-aggrandisement and selfishness. Thus, achieving success by being aggressive will put mankind in a derogatory term. All these, will too have an impact on the upbringing and values of the generation-next. So, we the younger lots must show the path of accommodating nature to the new generation so that we all can promote an order of “love, and let be loved”.

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Local News | District 25 Supt. Lori Bein retiring, since now…

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Local News | District 25 Supt. Lori Bein retiring, since now ‘things are good’ and she can ‘leave when I love it’

Superintendent Lori Bein said she has spent her 33-year career in education being genuine and authentic and after a decade of leading the district, she’s ready to retire.

“This job has definitely become the best job I’ve ever had,” Bein, 56, told Pioneer Press.

She’s excited about retirement, she said. Her official last day is June 30.

“It’s time for District 25 to have a new leader,” said Bein, who took the helm of the district starting with the 2014-2015 school year. “It’s like spring: It’s a time of renewal and growth.”

The exiting administrator called the current SD25 school board an “energetic and future-focused” body.

Brian Kaye will take over as the new superintendent as of July 1. Kaye has been with the district for 18 years, most recently as assistant superintendent of personnel and planning. He was selected after a national superintendent search.

Bein, who had previous stints as superintendent of Roselle School District 12, assistant superintendent for instructional services at Skokie-Morton Grove School District 69, principal at Edison Elementary School in Morton Grove and assistant principal at Winston Campus Junior High School in Palatine, has been recognized by District 25 leaders, staff and parents for her leadership, commitment to the students and teachers while inspiring her staff to be “authentic.”

Additionally, she was among a group of 21 school leaders honored by the Illinois Association of School Administrators as a 2024 “Superintendent of Distinction.”

“Each honoree is selected by peers in their region based on their commitment, dedication and leadership,” an association spokesman stated in an announcement of the honorees.

But Bein’s administration in District 25 also faced intense criticism from a contingent of parents over her handling of remote learning starting in 2020 due to the onset of the COVID-19 global pandemic – with many calling for her resignation.

“It was one of the toughest situations I’ve experienced,” Bein said. “I understand that people were unhappy and upset. They might have been loud, but they were small. Behind the scenes was a community of families and teachers who were going out of their way to tell me, ‘We appreciate you.’”

She said she made photo albums of the hundreds of letters of support she received from families and staff who, at one point, lined the block outside the district office holding signs that read, “We love you, Lori,” “Thank you” and “Hang in there.”

“I almost cried more over the amount of kindness,” Bein said.

The veteran school administrator said she often questioned whether she was the right person to lead the district through the pandemic. But she didn’t want to give up on the students or staff.

But now, looking back, she said she has no regrets about that time or throughout her tenure.

“There were times I wished I had done things differently,” Bein said. “But I did what I thought was right with the best of intentions.”

Starting last month, the district was rocked by allegations that a nurse at Westgate Elementary School had “misused” students’ medication. A police investigation is currently underway, authorities confirmed.

At a special meeting of the school board on May 8, board members voted to fire the nurse. She has not been charged with a crime.

District 25 Board of Education President Anisha Jogee told Pioneer Press that Bein was the right leader during COVID-19 and the right leader for the district. She praised Bein as a leader who showed empathy, compassion and dedication during a challenging chapter in public education.

“She was there for the students, interacting with students remotely consistently and ensuring there was good morale during that difficult time,” said Jogee who has been on the school board for seven years and previously worked in the district under Bein’s leadership.

“To have this leader who was compassionate, who led with such grace, she held the space for folks to express themselves. It was really important at that time to listen and she did just that,” the board president said.

Jogee also commended Bein for impact on staff and the culture within the district.

“Her legacy is being that connected, authentic leader,” Jogee said. “The reason why the district has such high morale and such a deep connection with the students is that Lori has a very personal connection with staff, students and the community because she puts people first and really connects authentically with empathy and compassion and she always is accessible.”

Bein said she hopes her lasting effect on the district is her empowerment of teachers. With a staff of 800 and student enrollment of 5,600 across nine schools in grades pre-K to 8, her hope has been to allow teachers to be the educators they came to the district to be, share their knowledge and know she was there to support them, she explained.

“We impact kids and we have to be genuine and open,” Bein said. “We have to be authentic and share it all together and use it to do great things for kids.”

Bein recalls specific metrics of her time in District 25, noting that she visited 176 classrooms in 173 school days during an academic year, and even co-taught a few classes at one of the elementary schools to demonstrate her commitment to teachers.

After the emergence of the Black Lives Matter movement years before, in 2020 she read a book online that told the story of someone of a different race, ability or cultural background every day for 50 days for students at home during the pandemic, she said.

Collectively, the readings had 21,419 views, according to district records.

Bein also launched a “Random Thoughts” newsletter, seeking to connect with teachers throughout the district, including Dryden Elementary School kindergarten teacher Kathy Riesing.

“She’s always open to new ideas and whenever there are big decisions that need to be made, I feel like she’s always trying to get input from all of the stakeholders while keeping the kids at the forefront,” Riesing, who has been a SD25 teacher for 25 years, told Pioneer Press about Bein.

One of Bein’s largest efforts as District 25 affects Riesing directlya, s a kindergarten teacher: The introduction of full-day kindergarten in the district, which rolls out at the start of the 2024-2025 school year.

A $75 million referendum that passed in 2022 is covering the cost of building 25 new kindergarten classrooms, new gymnasiums, and is paying for capital projects expected to be completed over the next five years, including plumbing, roofing, flooring and parking lots at all of the district school buildings.

“She’ll be greatly missed,” Riesing said of Bein’s departure. “She really respects the teachers and really values what we do. She always sends emails with random thoughts just reaffirming what we’re doing is important and reassuring us that our time is well spent. Her emails always come just at the right time when we need that support.”

Bein said she has witnessed the growth of her staff and the blossoming of their home-school connections.

“It’s been a joy, from my perspective, to watch teachers who are already amazing become more confident in themselves, feel more free and confident to show who they are with kids, colleagues and parents,” she said.

Outside of the classroom, SD25 spokesman Adam Harris said he also appreciates Bein’s mentorship.

“She has created a foundation here that starts with supporting one another. I’m not going to miss it because it’s still going to be here,” said Harris.

In retirement, Bein said, she hopes to continue to mentor other educators while enjoying time to garden, read, run, golf and bike. Her husband, David Bein, assistant superintendent of business services at Barrington School District 220, is set to retire next year, and the couple plans to spend three to six months each year living in Tuscany, Italy.

They currently live in west suburban Wheaton and have three adult children.

“I chose to come here 10 years ago and this was the only place I considered and I felt very lucky every day,” Bein said. “It’s time to leave when things are good and leave when I love it.”

Elizabeth Owens-Schiele is a freelancer. Pioneer Press staff contributed.

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AI for social good: Improving lives and protecting the planet

Advances in AI have accelerated dramatically over the past two years, marked by an ability to design, train, and—most important—run AI at a large scale and for many millions of users. AI’s potential impact spans sectors  and could deliver positive social change.

About the authors

This report is a collaborative effort by Medha Bankhwal, Ankit Bisht , Michael Chui , Roger Roberts , and Ashley van Heteren , representing views from McKinsey Digital.

In fact, AI is already being used to further all 17 UN Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs)—from the goal of eliminating poverty to establishing sustainable cities and communities and providing quality education for all. Generative AI  has opened even more possibilities. In 2018, it was becoming clear that AI could play a major role globally in promoting not only productivity and economic growth but also social good. A report we published  at the time outlined how AI capabilities, from natural language processing to sound recognition and tracking, could be used in 170 use cases to benefit society 1 Additional research in 2023 yielded discovery of 13 more use cases piloted in 2018 that were not originally accounted for in our 2018 report , bringing the total to about 170. —including to promote equality and inclusion, improve crisis response, and protect the environment. 2 “‘ Tech for Good’: Using technology to smooth disruption and improve well-being ,” McKinsey Global Institute, May 15, 2019; Amine Aït-Si-Selmi, Eric Hazan, Hamza Khan, and Tunde Olanrewaju, “ Tech for Good: Helping the United Kingdom improve lives and livelihoods ,” McKinsey, July 31, 2020. Today, we have discovered a total of about 600 use cases, more than a threefold increase. 3 Our library of about 600 use cases is not comprehensive and will continue to evolve. This list of use cases per SDG should thus not be treated as exhaustive.

Methodology

We set out to understand AI’s potential impact on the UN Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) and assess how private and charitable and public capital is flowing toward the SDGs with the highest potential for AI impact. We collected several kinds of data to do so:

Use case library and not-for-profit deployments. We created a library of 600 use cases in which AI could be used to advance the SDGs and more than 1,000 not-for-profit deployments of AI toward these goals. To build this data set, we used a range of publicly available sources made available by not-for-profits, foundations funding their activities, and the United Nations.

Survey and interviews. We surveyed about 60 experts from 17 countries and 48 organizations (including not-for-profits, foundations, technology companies, start-ups, academic institutions, and government) to learn their views related to SDGs where AI has the highest potential, AI risks, and barriers to scaling. Additionally, we interviewed more than 50 executives and senior leaders from not-for-profits, tech companies, and foundations globally.

Foundation grants. We analyzed more than 1,000 foundation grants filtered by the search terms “AI,” “ML,” “artificial intelligence,” and “machine learning” from 2018 to 2023. 1 Analysis focuses on grants from mostly US-based foundations, and there is typically a time lag since the data is based on IRS data. But the analysis is representative of distribution across SDGs as well as scale of funding. See “AI for Sustainable Development Goals,” Candid Foundation Directory, 2018–2023. Grants went to recipients in countries including Australia, Brazil, Belgium, Canada, China, India, Norway, Spain, Switzerland, the United Kingdom, and the United States.

Analysis of private capital investment. Based on data from PitchBook, we analyzed approximately 20,000 companies that have a clear focus on AI, machine learning, and big data and have gone through a funding round since 2020. Based on their descriptions, companies were tagged to one or more SDGs. The total lifetime funding of all tagged companies was used to determine the total funding per SDG. Because funding can be applicable to multiple SDGs, when the value of SDG funding is calculated, it exceeds the total amount invested when considered without SDG tagging. Roughly 35 percent of companies were headquartered in the United States.

In our 2024 report, we take another look at how AI can and has already become a key part of solutions to benefit people and the planet by mapping innovations and impact to the SDGs (see sidebar “Methodology”). The SDGs comprise 17 goals and 169 targets that aim to improve lives around the world and protect the planet. But the 2023 UN update on progress against the SDGs indicated that the world is on track to meet only 15 percent of SDG targets. 4 The Sustainable Development Goals report 2023: Special edition , United Nations, July 10, 2023. In real terms, this means that today, 2.2 billion people lack access to safe water and hygiene; 3.5 billion lack access to safely managed sanitation 5 “The 17 goals,” United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affairs, accessed April 24, 2024. ; roughly 3.3 billion live in environments highly vulnerable to climate change 6 “ Protecting people from a changing climate: The case for resilience ,” McKinsey, November 8, 2021. ; and 750 million are facing hunger. 7 “122 million more people pushed into hunger since 2019 due to multiple crises, reveals UN report,” World Health Organization, July 12, 2023.

AI’s potential across the SDGs and how funding for AI supports progress

While AI will affect all SDGs, experts we surveyed believe that AI has a particularly high potential to make a difference for five: Good Health and Well-Being (SDG 3), Quality Education (SDG 4), Climate Action (SDG 13), Affordable and Clean Energy (SDG 7), and Sustainable Cities and Communities (SDG 11). In fact, 60 percent of deployments of not-for-profit AI for social good were in these areas. Relative to their perceived AI-potential, the SDGs for Zero Hunger (SDG 2), Life on Land (SDG 15), and Peace, Justice and Strong Institutions (SDG 16) have many use case deployments, whereas Quality Education (SDG 4), Affordable and Clean Energy (SDG 7), and Climate Action (SDG 13) have fewer (Exhibit 1). We excluded Decent Work & Economic Growth (SDG 8); Industry, Innovation & Infrastructure (SDG 9); and Partnerships for Goals (SDG 17) from the not-for-profit deployment, foundation grants, and private capital analysis. This is because most projects can be tagged to these areas given the broad AI applicability. 8 In our analysis of 600 use cases, each use case was tagged to a single primary SDG and SDG target.

In analyzing where funding has been deployed toward harnessing AI for the SDGs, we see directional alignment with the experts’ opinion of the five highest-potential areas. The combined view of grant and private capital funding centers on Good Health and Well-Being (SDG 3), Quality Education (SDG 4), Affordable and Clean Energy (SDG 7), Sustainable Cities and Communities (SDG 11), and Climate Action (SDG 13). In addition, about 40 percent of private capital investments into the 20,000 AI companies analyzed contributed directly or indirectly toward at least one of the 17 SDG thematic areas. 9 SDGs 8, 9, and 17 were excluded in this analysis because of the general applicability of AI to those SDGs.

There are, however, exciting pockets of opportunity. Consider the relatively low private capital funding for Quality Education (SDG 4). Even for Affordable and Clean Energy (SDG 7) and Climate Action (SDG 13), more than 50 percent of the private capital investment went toward autonomous vehicles for improving energy efficiency and reducing emissions. This suggests further potential for private entities to deploy capital toward SDG themes where AI has high potential.

Geographic disparities in grant allocation remain high. An analysis of the location of grant recipients’ headquarters from a database of US-majority foundations reveals that, from 2018 to 2023, only 10 percent of grants allocated toward AI initiatives that address one or more of the SDGs went to organizations based in low or middle-income countries. 10 This analysis is not holistic, because it analyzed grants only from Candid, which focuses primarily on US-based foundations. Additionally, Candid’s database takes 1.5 to 2.0 years to update because of a lag from IRS data. See “AI for Sustainable Development Goals,” Candid Foundation Directory, 2018–2023. While organizations may have impact outside of the countries where they are headquartered, 60 percent of experts responding to our survey 11 We surveyed about 60 experts across 17 countries and 48 organizations. agreed that AI efforts today are not focused enough on benefiting lower-income countries (as opposed to higher income or developed countries), where the need and SDG impact can be the highest.

Challenges and risks of scaling AI for social good

Challenges in scaling AI for social-good initiatives are persistent and tough. Seventy-two percent of the respondents to our expert survey observed that most efforts to deploy AI for social good to date have focused on research and innovation rather than adoption and scaling. Fifty-five percent of grants for AI research and deployment across the SDGs are $250,000 or smaller, which is consistent with a focus on targeted research or smaller-scale deployment, rather than large-scale expansion. Aside from funding, the biggest barriers to scaling AI continue to be data availability, accessibility, and quality; AI talent availability and accessibility; organizational receptiveness; and change management. More on these topics can be found in the full report.

While overcoming these challenges, organizations should also be aware of strategies to address the range of risks, including inaccurate outputs, biases embedded in the underlying training data, the potential for large-scale misinformation, and malicious influence on politics and personal well-being. 12 “ Implementing generative AI with speed and safety ,” McKinsey Quarterly , March 13, 2024. As we have noted in multiple recent articles, 13 “ Implementing generative AI with speed and safety ,” McKinsey Quarterly , March 13, 2024; “ The state of AI in 2023: Generative AI’s breakout year ,” McKinsey, August 1, 2023; New at McKinsey Blog , “ An inside look at how businesses are—or are not—managing AI risk ,” blog entry by Liz Grennan and Bryce Hall, August 31, 2023; “ What is generative AI? ,” McKinsey, April 2, 2024. AI tools and techniques can be misused, even if the tools were originally designed for social good. Experts identified the top risks as impaired fairness, malicious use, and privacy and security concerns, followed by explainability (Exhibit 2). 14 Our AI risks framework for social impact builds on McKinsey’s generative AI risks framework (see “ Implementing generative AI with speed and safety ,” McKinsey Quarterly , March 13, 2024). It includes additional categories such as political stability and environmental impact and excludes risks such as strategic risks that can be more relevant to for-profit enterprises. Respondents from not-for-profits expressed relatively more concern about misinformation, talent issues such as job displacement, and effects of AI on economic stability compared with their counterparts at for-profits, who were more often concerned with IP infringement.

Accelerating the deployment of AI for social good

Scientific breakthroughs have increased the effectiveness of AI at pattern recognition, prediction, and creation. This progress has coincided with a rapidly growing number of successful AI deployments, but, as we saw above, there are still challenges to scaling their use for addressing the SDGs. Realizing this potential will require stakeholders to collaborate more closely to ensure access to adequate talent and robust data solutions, as well as to AI applications and models that are more open-sourced or scalable across user geographies around the world, thereby meeting people at the point of need.

By collaborating to find ways to put AI to work at scale for social good, mission-driven organizations, governments, foundations, universities, ecosystems of developers, and businesses can help solve some of the world’s most challenging and intractable problems. They can help thwart human trafficking, ensure girls and children all over the world receive the education they deserve, protect forests from illegal deforestation, support the health and safety of pregnant women and newborns, and so much more. If these things aren’t worth fighting for, what is?

Medha Bankhwal is a consultant in McKinsey’s Bay Area office, where Michael Chui is a McKinsey Global Institute partner; Ankit Bisht is a partner in the Dubai office; Roger Roberts is a partner in the Silicon Valley office; and Ashley van Heteren is a partner in the Amsterdam office.

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With Arms Wide Open

How did creed, the most hated band of the 1990s, become so beloved—and even cool i sailed the seas with thousands of fellow lunatics to find out..

It’s high noon on a blazing April day, which is the ideal time to be sitting in an Irish pub aboard a cruise ship the size of a small asteroid. The bar is called O’Sheehan’s—yes, pronounced “oceans”—and it’s located deep within the belly of the boat, just above the teppanyaki joint, the sake bar, and the lustrous duty-free shops. This consciousness-altering diorama of infinite seas and cloying Guinness-themed paraphernalia is where I meet Colleen Sullivan, a 46-year-old woman with a beehive of curly red hair and arms encased by plastic wristbands. She wants to tell me how Creed changed her life.

A few moments earlier, Sullivan dropped one of those wristbands on my table—an invitation to talk. It’s lime-green and emblazoned with pink lettering that reads “Rock the Boat With Creed.” I slip it past my hand and sidle up to her booth. Sullivan uses one nuclear-yellow-painted fingernail to hook back the wristbands on her right arm. Underneath is the pinched autograph of Scott Stapp, the band’s mercurial lead singer, enshrined in tattoo ink. This, it seems, is not her first rodeo.

We are both here for “Summer of ’99,” a weekendlong cruise and concert festival for which Creed—as in the Christian-lite rock band that sold more than 28 million albums in the U.S. alone and yet may be the most widely disdained group in modern times—is reuniting for the first time in 12 years. Roughly 2,400 other Creed fans are along for the round-trip ride from Miami to the Bahamas, and the rest of the bill is occupied by the dregs of turn-of-the-millennium alt-rock stardom. Buckcherry is here. So are Vertical Horizon, Fuel, and 3 Doors Down, the latter of whom hasn’t released an album since 2016.

To celebrate, Sixthman, the booking agency responsible for this and many other cruises, has thoroughly Creed-ified every element of the ship. The band’s logo is printed on the napkins and scripted across the blackjack felt. The TV screens at the bar are tuned to a near-constant loop of Creed’s performance at Woodstock ’99. The onboard library has been converted to a merch store selling Creed hoodies and shot glasses. The stock music piped into the corridors has been swapped out for Hinder’s “Lips of an Angel,” Lit’s “My Own Worst Enemy,” and 3 Doors Down’s “Kryptonite.” When I turn on the closed-circuit television in my cabin, a channel called New Movies plays Scream 3 and Can’t Hardly Wait . And four elevator doors in the boat’s central plaza are plastered with the words “Can You Take Me Higher or Lower?” Sixthman pulled similar stunts with 311’s “ Caribbean Cruise ,” Train’s “ Sail Across the Sun ” cruise, and Kid Rock’s notoriously debauched “ Chillin’ the Most ” cruise—the Kid Rock cruise also took place on the vessel I’m on, the Norwegian Pearl . The idea is to teleport a captive audience back into the dirtbags they once embodied and to a simpler time, when Scott Stapp controlled the universe.

Sullivan tells me that her relationship with Creed overlaps with her sobriety story. She first became a fan of the band in the late 1990s, when “Higher” and “With Arms Wide Open” were soaring up the Billboard charts. Then, Sullivan started using, and her appreciation for the divine proportions of those songs faded in service of more corporeal needs. Years later, after Creed broke up and Sullivan got clean, she returned to the music and discovered a dogma of her own: Maybe she had been put on earth to love Stapp—and Creed—harder, and with more urgency, than anyone else in the world.

“He helped me grow with those old Creed songs,” she tells me. “When I saw Scott for the first time live, he had just gotten clean too. I’d go to the shows and there would be tears streaming down my face.” Her left arm contains another Stapp tattoo, with the words “His Love Was Thunder in the Sky” scrawled up to her elbow, surrounded by a constellation of quarter notes. It’s a lyric taken from a 2013 Stapp solo song called “Jesus Was a Rockstar.” The singer Sharpie’d it onto her body himself.

“Summer of ’99” is Creed’s second attempt to reunite, after it disbanded in both 2004 and 2012 amid clashing egos and substance issues. The band couldn’t have picked a better time to get back together. If you haven’t noticed, we’re in the midst of an extremely unlikely Creed renaissance, redeeming the most reviled—and, perhaps more damningly, most uncool —band in the world. For much of the past 20 years, hating Creed has been a natural extension of being a music fan: In 2013 Rolling Stone readers voted the group “the worst band of the 1990s,” beating out a murderers’ row of Hootie and the Blowfish, Nickelback, and Hanson. Entertainment Weekly, reviewing Human Clay , the band’s bestselling album and one of the highest-selling albums of all time, bemoaned the record’s “lunkheaded kegger rock” and “quasi-spiritual lyrics that have all the resonance of a self-help manual.” Meanwhile, Robert Christgau, the self-appointed dean of American rock critics, wrote Creed off as “God-fearing grunge babies,” comparing the group unfavorably with Limp Bizkit.

The disrespect was reflected more sharply by Stapp’s own contemporaries. In the early 2000s, Dexter Holland, the frontman of the Offspring, played shows wearing a T-shirt that read “Even Jesus Hates Creed.” After leaked images of a sex tape filmed in 1999 featuring Stapp and Kid Rock and a room full of groupies made it onto the internet, Kid Rock retorted by saying that his fans didn’t care about the pornography but were appalled that he was hanging out with someone like Stapp. The comedian David Cross, who embodies the archetype of the exact sort of coastal hipsters who became the band’s loudest hecklers, dedicated swaths of his stand-up material to bird-dogging the singer. (One choice punchline: “That guy hangs out outside a junior high school girls locker room and writes down poetry he overhears.”) Then, in 2002, after a disastrous show in Chicago at which a belligerently drunk Stapp forgot the words to his songs and stumbled off the stage for 10 minutes, four attendees unsuccessfully sued the band for $2 million. Holland’s shirt didn’t go far enough—at the group’s lowest, even Creed fans hated Creed.

All this acrimony plunged Stapp into several episodes of psychic distress. His dependence on alcohol and painkillers was well documented during the band’s initial brush with success, but after Creed’s short-lived reconciliation, Stapp spiraled into a truly cavernous nadir. In 2014 the singer started posting unsettling videos to Facebook, asserting that he had been victimized by a cascading financial scam and was living in a Holiday Inn. That same year, TMZ released 911 calls made by Stapp’s wife Jaclyn claiming that he had printed out reams of CIA documents and was threatening to kill Barack Obama. But these days, Stapp—who announced a bipolar diagnosis in 2015—appears to be on much firmer ground, and the band has reportedly patched up some of those long-gestating interpersonal wounds.

But with time comes wisdom, and in 2024 neither the critical slander nor the troubling reports about Stapp’s mental state are anywhere to be found. It is a truth universally acknowledged that Creed is good, a shift that, as Stapp told Esquire , “just started happening” around 2021. The new paradigm likely solidified the next year, when Creed’s mythically patriotic post-9/11 halftime show, played on Thanksgiving in 2001, began to accrue latter-day meme status. The set was ridiculous and immaculately lip-synced by Stapp and company. Yoked, shirtless angels spin through the air, and cheerleaders pump out pompom routines synchronized with “My Sacrifice,” all while the live broadcast is interspersed with grim footage from ground zero. It’s garishly, unapologetically American, issued just before the unsavory decline of the Bush administration clicked into place. Today both of those relics—Creed and the unified national optimism—are worth getting wistful about. “This is where we peaked as a nation,” wrote football commentator Mike Golic Jr., linking to the video.

Creed nostalgia has only proliferated further since the resurrection of that halftime show. The band’s guitarist, Mark Tremonti, told the hard-rock site Blabbermouth that he’d recently noticed athletes bumping Creed as their “ go-to battle music ,” and in November, an entire stadium of Texas Rangers fans belted out “Higher” to commemorate their team’s World Series victory . Earlier this year, a viral remix of “ One Last Breath ” even began pulsing through some of the hottest parties in New York. The band has clearly crossed some sort of inscrutable cultural Rubicon and thrown reality into flux—up is down, black is white, and, due to a sublime confluence of biting irony and prostrating sincerity, Creed fucking rocks .

All this means that the inaugural edition of the “Summer of ’99” cruise is buoyed by very high stakes. It has been 12 long years since Creed last played a show, and the cruise is intended to be the dry run for a mammoth comeback tour that is scheduled for 60 dates, through summer and autumn, in basketball arenas and hockey stadiums across North America. The only remaining question is whether the band can keep it together. I’m there in a commemorative Creed Super Bowl halftime T-shirt to find out.

Several flights of stairs above O’Sheehan’s, the day before I meet Sullivan, I find Sean Patrick, a giddily beer-buzzed 34-year-old from Nashville who is standing in awe of a Coachella-sized stage that looks downright sinister on the pool deck. Creed is playing two shows this weekend, and the first is set for the very minute the boat leaves port and escapes Miami for the horizon. This means that everyone who purchased a ticket to “Summer of ’99”—which ranges from $895 for a windowless hovel to $6,381 for a stateroom with a balcony—has ascended to the top of the ship, preparing for Creed’s rebirth in a wash of Coors Light tallboys.

As of two days ago, Patrick was unaware he would be attending this cruise. Everything changed when a friend, who was on the waitlist, received a call from Norwegian Cruise Line informing him that a cabin with his name on it had miraculously become available. Patrick was suddenly presented with the opportunity to spend a tremendous amount of cash, on very short notice, to witness this reunion amid the die-hards.

Unlike Sullivan, Patrick doesn’t possess one of those highly intimate histories with the band, flecked with tales of trauma and perseverance. Still, he fell in love with Creed—even if it was only by accident.

“I think it started as a joke. The songs were good, but there was definitely a feeling of, like, Yeah, Creed! ” he tells me. “But then, next thing you know, you find yourself in your car, alone, deciding to put on Creed.”

The majority of the passengers on the Pearl have never been burdened with Patrick’s hesitance. Their relationship with Creed is genuine and free—cleansed of even the faintest whiff of irony—and, unlike Patrick, they tend to be in their late 40s and early 50s. The woman standing ankle-deep in the wading pool with a Stewie Griffin tattoo on her shin unambiguously loves Creed, and the same is probably true of whoever was lounging on a deck chair with a book, written by Fox News pundit Jesse Watters, titled Get It Together: Troubling Tales From the Liberal Fringe . Two brothers from Kentucky who work in steel mills, but not the same steel mill, tell me that loving Creed is practically a family tradition: Their eldest brother, not present on the boat, initially showed them the band’s records. Tina Smith, a 48-year-old home-care aide from Texas, crowned with a black tennis visor adorned with golden letters spelling out the name of her favorite band, loves Creed so much that she embarked on this trip all by herself. “This is my first cruise and my first vacation,” she says, proudly. (Smith is already planning her next vacation. It will coincide with another Creed show.)

Passengers I encounter that are a generation younger are clearly acquainted more with Creed the meme than Creed the band. These are the people who vibe with statements like “Born too late to own property, born just in time to be a crusader in the ‘Creed Isn’t Bad’ fight”—especially when they’re arranged as deep-fried blocks of text superimposed over the face of Keanu Reeves as Neo. If the establishment brokers of culture once settled on the position that Creed sucks, then it has been met with a youth-led insurgency that seems dead-set on shifting the consensus—if for no other reason than to savor the nectar of pure, uncut taboo.

Many members of this insurgency are aboard the Pearl , and they’re caked in emblems of internet miscellany that scream out to anyone in the know. Consider the young man, traveling with his father, who is draped in a T-shirt bearing the Creed logo below a beatific image of Nicolas Cage circa Con Air , or the many fans who wander around the innards of the Pearl in matching Scott Stapp–branded Dallas Cowboys jerseys, a reference to that halftime show. In fact, the best representatives of sardonic Creed-fandom colonists might be the youngest collection of friends that I’ve met on board. They are all in their 20s, most of them work in Boston’s medicine and science sectors, and each is dressed in a custom-ordered tropical button-down dotted with the angelic face of Scott Stapp in places where you’d expect to find coconuts and banana bunches. A week before “Summer of ’99” was announced, the four of them made a pact, via group text, that if Creed were ever to reunite, they would make it out to see the band play, no matter the cost. Their fate was sealed.

“I hated Creed. I thought they were terrible,” says Mike Hobey, who, at 28, is the oldest of the posse and therefore the one who possesses the clearest recollection of Creed’s long, strange journey toward absolution. “But then I started listening to them ironically. And I was like, Oh, shit, I like them now .”

His point is indicative of a strange tension in this new age of Creed: If “the worst band of the 1990s” is suddenly good, does that mean all music is good now? Is nothing tacky? Have the digitized music discovery apparatuses—the melting-pot TikTok algorithm, the self-replicating profusion of Spotify playlists—blurred the boundaries of good and bad taste? Am I, like Hobey, incapable of being a hater anymore?

This is what I found myself thinking about when Creed took the stage, right as the Miami skies began to mellow into a late-afternoon smolder, and put on what was, without a doubt, one of the best rock shows I’ve ever seen. The scalloped penthouses of Miami’s gleaming hotel district passed overhead as the Pearl ’s rudder kicked into gear, and Scott Stapp—looking jacked and gorgeous, chain on neck and chain on belt, flexing toward God in a tight black shirt—launched into “Are You Ready?,” the first song of the afternoon, his baritone sounding, somehow, exactly like it did in 1999. “Who would’ve thought, after our last show in 2012, our next show would be 12 years later, on a boat?” Stapp said. He is risen, indeed.

I later hear from Creed’s PR agent that Tremonti, the guitarist, was more anxious than he was excited to get this first show in the books. I also gather, from Stapp’s representative, that photographers are mandated to shoot the lead singer during only the first two songs of the set, before he begins to “glisten” (her word) with sweat. But if nerves were fraying, Creed conquered them with ease. The members of the band were enveloped by an audience that had paid a lot of money to see them, and in that atmosphere, they could do no wrong. They blitzed through a variety of album cuts before arriving at the brawny triptych of “Higher,” “One Last Breath,” and “With Arms Wide Open,” pausing briefly to wish Tremonti, who was turning 50, a happy birthday. (Stapp wiped away tears afterward, a genuinely touching moment, considering that during their first breakup, Tremonti had compared his years collaborating with Stapp—who was then in the throes of addiction— with surviving Vietnam .) Given Creed’s historic proximity to the Kid Rock brand of red-state overindulgence, I half expected the concert to detonate with violent pits and acrobatic beer stunts, but nothing remotely close to mayhem occurred. This crowd was downright polite—chaste, even—as if it had been stunned by the grandeur of Creed.

“He tried to dance pogo ,” says a disappointed German woman, basking in the pool after the show, gesturing toward her husband. Both of them explain to me that pogoing is the German word for “moshing” and that, even more astonishingly, Creed is huge in their native hamlet, just outside Düsseldorf.

“It’s a reunion after 12 years!” says her husband. “Everyone should be dancing pogo .”

Nothing about Creed’s music has changed in the past decade, which is to say that many of the quirks that people like Hobey once used to mock the band for were on brilliant display during its first show back. But the truth is that little of the smug hatred for the group has ever had much to do with the music itself. Creed’s first record, 1997’s My Own Prison , was nearly identical to the down-tuned angst of Soundgarden or Alice in Chains, drawn well inside the lines of alt-rock radio. (It earned a tasteful 4/5 rating from the longtime consumer guide AllMusic.)

The problems arose only after the band started writing the celestial hooks of Human Clay , solidifying its superstar association with other groups chasing the same crunchy highs with machine-learning efficiency: Nickelback, Staind, Shinedown, and so on. Post-grunge was the term music journalists eventually bestowed on this generation, and in retrospect, that was the kiss of death. Creed was suddenly positioned as the inheritor of the legacy of Kurt Cobain, the godfather of grunge, who bristled at all associations with the mainstream music industry and hired the notoriously bellicose Steve Albini to make Nirvana’s third album as sour and uncommercial as possible. Stapp, meanwhile, has long called Bono—he of the flowing locks, billionaire best friends , and residencies in extravagant Las Vegas monoliths —his “ rock god .” Creed’s sole aspiration was to become the biggest rock band in the world, and for a few years there, the group actually pulled it off. Cobain’s grave got a little colder.

Post-grunge steamrolled the rock business, reducing its sonic palette to an all-consuming minor-chord dirge. Nickelback’s “How You Remind Me” went quadruple platinum in 2001, eventually sparking a furious period of retaliation from the underground. (You could make the argument that the rise of the Strokes or the White Stripes or the indie-rock boom writ large is directly tied to the vise grip Creed once held on the genre.) Before long, music aesthetes adopted a new term, rather than post-grunge , to refer to the Creed phenotype: butt rock . In fact, by the late-2000s, the hatred of Creed had been so canonized that when Slate published a rebuttal —in which critic Jonah Weiner asserted that the band was “seriously underrated”—the essay was considered so “ridiculous” and contrarian as to single-handedly inspire the viral and enduring #slatepitches hashtag, instantly prompting parodies such as “ Star Wars I, II, & III, better than Star Wars IV, V, & VI .”

But, frankly, when I revisit Weiner’s piece, many of his arguments sound remarkably cogent to modern orthodoxies. “Creed seemed to irritate people precisely because its music was so unabashedly calibrated towards pleasure: Every surging riff, skyscraping chorus, and cathartic chord progression telegraphed the band’s intention to rock us, wow us, move us,” he writes. Yes, these easy gratifications might have been unpardonable sins in the summer of 1999, capping off a decade obsessively preoccupied with anxiety about all things commercial and phony. But now even LCD Soundsystem—once the standard-bearer of a certain kind of countercultural fashionability—is booking residencies sponsored by American Express. We have all become hedonists and proud sellouts, and with Creed back in vogue, it seems as if the band’s monumental intemperance has become a feature rather than a bug.

That does not mean Stapp no longer takes himself, or his art, seriously. The singer’s earnestness—some might say humorlessness—has always been a cornerstone of Creed’s brand, and there are millions of fans who will continue to meet him at his word. They brandish personal biographies that intersect with Creed’s records; they finds lines about places with “golden streets” “where blind men see” more inspiring than corny, and many of them are etched with the tattoos to prove it. But in the band’s contemporary afterlife, when all its old context evaporates, Stapp has also attracted a community eager to treat Creed like the party band it never aspired to be—the group of licentious pleasure seekers Weiner wrote about. They’re all here, sprinkled throughout the boat, ready to drink a couple of Coronas and shred their lungs to “My Sacrifice.”

After wrapping up the first night of the cruise, Creed, along with the rest of the bands on the bill, was scheduled to administer a few glad-handing sessions on the weekend itinerary. On Saturday, Tremonti chaperoned a low-key painting session while the Pearl floated into the Bahamas at a dock already crammed with other day-trippers. (Our boat was parked next to a Disney cruise, and when we disembarked, in direct earshot of all the young families, the PA blasted Puddle of Mudd’s “She Fucking Hates Me.”) Tremonti keeps busy: The previous evening, he had judged a karaoke tournament—on the main stage—alongside 3 Doors Down lead singer Brad Arnold. Toward the end of the competition, Tremonti grabbed the microphone for a rousing cover of Frank Sinatra’s “My Way,” which I’d like to think served as a tribute to Creed’s own tenaciousness.

Stapp, on the other hand, is slated for exactly one appointment mingling with the masses: He’ll be shooting hoops with some of the more athletically oriented Creed adherents on a helipad that doubles as a basketball court near the rear of the boat. Stapp is, by far, the most famous person on board, evidenced by the security detail that stands guard on the concrete. So I take my seat on the bleachers and watch him casually drain 10 free throws in a row in mesh shorts under the piercing Atlantic sun with the distinct tang of contractually obligated restraint. Afterward, Stapp slips back into the mysterious alcoves of the ship, while an awed buzz of fans—hoping for a selfie, an autograph, or a split second of euphoric surrender—tail him until they are sealed off for good. It is the one and only time I see him cameoing anywhere but the stage, drawing a stark contrast to the other musicians on board, who flit between the casinos, restaurants, and watering holes in the guts of the Pearl .

This makes some sort of cosmic sense. Stapp, to both his detriment and credit, has never embraced the flippancy that so many other people wanted to impose on Creed. “Sometimes I wish we weren’t so damn serious,” he said in a memorable Spin cover story from 2000, at the height of his mystique. “My agenda from the beginning was to write music that had meaning and was from the heart. You can’t force the hand of the muse.” If you’ll excuse the ostentation of the sentiment, you can maybe understand how someone like Stapp might not be able to feel like himself when he’s orchestrating photo-ops around a free-throw line with that same young man dressed in his Nic Cage–themed parody Creed shirt. He seems to find nothing trivial about Creed’s music. The threat of irrelevance shall never tame him. You cannot force the hand of the muse.

Unfortunately, Stapp’s remoteness is also why Kelly Risch, a 58-year-old from Wisconsin with streaks of ringed, white-blond hair and glam-metal eye shadow, is currently fighting back tears in the Atrium, the ship’s lobby and central bar. Risch is sipping mimosas with her sister Shannon Crass, and, like so many of the others I have spoken to on this cruise, they each have matching Creed tattoos memorializing a personal catastrophe. Twenty years ago, Risch suffered a massive blood clot in her leg and almost died. Crass printed out the lyrics to the latter-day Creed ballad “Don’t Stop Dancing”—a song about finding dignity in the chaos of life—and pinned them in Crass’ intensive care unit during her recovery. Today the chorus is painted on their wrists, right above Scott Stapp’s initials.

The sisters were two of the first 500 customers to buy tickets to “Summer of ’99,” which guaranteed them a photo with the band at its cabin. This is why Risch is crying. The photo shoot came with strict rules, all of which she respected: no Sharpies, no hugs, and no cellphones. She’d hoped for a moment, though—after spending $5,000 and traveling all the way from the upper Midwest, after clinging to life with the help of Creed, and after waiting 12 long years to have the band back—to thank the singer for his comfort. But Stapp, even indoors, was wearing dark, face-obscuring sunglasses. She didn’t even get to make eye contact.

“He’s so great with the crowd. He’s so engaging onstage,” says Crass. “I think that’s why this is disappointing.”

The two sisters are determined to make the most of the rest of their vacation. The Pearl will be pulling into Miami tomorrow at 7 a.m., and there are plenty more mimosas left to drink. I tell them I’m going to speak with Stapp, and the rest of Creed, in an hour. Do they have anything they’d like me to ask?

“Tell him not to wear sunglasses during the photos,” they say.

Creed is finishing up the meet-and-greet obligations in a chilly rococo ballroom, paneled—somewhat inexplicably—with portraits of Russian royalty. The band members have been at this all morning, after a late night finishing off the second performance of their two comeback sets. A molasses churn of Creed fans, all sea-weathered and scalded with maroon sunburns, weaves through a bulwark of chairs and tables toward the pinned black curtains at the rear.

Creed has this down to an art. The band is capable of generating a photo every 30 seconds, and afterward, the fans exit back down the aisle, with beaming smiles, their brush with stardom consummated. Stapp chugs a bottle of Fiji water and holds out his hand for a fist bump after the last of those passengers disappear. A crucifix dangles above his navel, and an American flag is stitched to his T-shirt. He’s still wearing those sunglasses.

I am given just 15 minutes to ask questions, in a makeshift interview setup against the portside windows, under the watchful surveillance of the entire Creed apparatus—both PR reps, a few scurrying Sixthman operators, the photographer, and so on. I ask what their day-to-day life is like aboard the “Summer of ’99,” in this highly concentrated environment of super fans, with no obvious escape routes. Stapp says that he has spent most of the time on the cruise “resting and exercising,” while Brian Marshall, the band’s bassist, told me he executes his privilege of being one of the band’s secondary members by frequenting the sauna and steam room. Throughout the weekend, Marshall is hardly recognized.

Scott Phillips, Creed’s drummer, confirms my suspicions about the cruise’s demographics. The ticket data reveals that a good number of the passengers aboard are under 35 years old. I’m curious to know how the band members are adjusting to this new paradigm shift, and if they wish to settle common ground between the post-ironic millennials and the much more zealous Gen Xers, who bear Creed insignias on their calves and forearms.

“People are drawn to our music for different reasons,” Stapp says. “That’s probably why you have the guys you were talking about, who want to chill and drink light beer and scream ‘Creed rocks!’ and the others, who have a much deeper, emotional impact.”

“And maybe, at some point, with the light-beer guys, it does connect with them,” Phillips adds. Stapp agrees.

But, really, the reason I’m here is because I want to ask Stapp a question I’ve been curious about for the entirety of Creed’s career. The band’s bizarre odyssey, from its warm reception among youth groups across America to the bloodthirsty backlash that met its success to this current psychedelic revival, has all orbited around a single lasting question: Why is Scott Stapp so serious? Could he ever mellow out? Does he want to? Surely now is the time. If Stapp allocated some levity for himself, then so many of the bad things people have said about him would be easier to process. Who knows? Maybe he’d have an easier time getting his arms around the current state of Creed, a group that is now, without a doubt, simultaneously the coolest and lamest band in the world. Why must he make being in Creed so difficult?

“It’s just who I am,” he says. “It’s what inspires me. It’s where I come from. And it’s tough, because you have to live it. That’s the conundrum of it all. That’s the double-edged sword. If I started writing [lighter material], there would be a dramatic shift in my existence.”

There’s a break in the conversation, then Stapp asks me to identify the name of the new Taylor Swift album. The songwriter’s 11 th record has dropped like a nuclear bomb while we’ve all been out to sea, but data restrictions mean that nobody on board can access Spotify or any other streaming service. The Norwegian Pearl serves as a butt-rock pocket dimension: The biggest story in pop music simply can’t penetrate our airtight seal of Hinder, Staind, and so much Creed. “It’s called The Tortured Poets Department ,” I reply. Outside of my fiancée, he is the only person on the entire cruise I will speak to about Taylor Swift.

“That’s what I feel,” he says, without a shred of artifice. “I connect with that title.”

Later that evening, I climb to the top of the Pearl for a final round of karaoke, where fans keep the spirit of 1999 alive for a few more hours. The bar is more hectic than it’s been all trip—everyone is willing to risk a hangover now that Monday is all that looms on the horizon. The host asks a guest if they intended to sing “Torn” by Creed or “Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia. “I assume Creed, but Natalie would be a fun surprise.”

The playlist is more diverse than I expected. We are treated to both Jay-Z’s “Big Pimpin’ ” and Shania Twain’s “Any Man of Mine.” Brandon Smith, one of the very few people of color aboard the cruise, crushes Maroon 5’s “She Will Be Loved.” A lanky kid from St. Louis unleashes a Slipknot death-growl into the microphone. A queer couple quietly slow-dances on the otherwise empty dance floor. And a 16-year-old, teeth tightened by braces, orders his last Sprite of the night. “Rockers are the most awesome people!” shouts one transcendently inebriated guest over the clamor of his Rolling Stones cover. “Creed is awesome!” On this one thing, at least, we can all agree.