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How to Write a Resume Personal Statement

What is a resume personal statement?

A resume personal statement expresses who you are, where you’ve been, and sometimes where you plan to go next right at the top of your resume.

Everyone has different circumstances, so the personal statement helps to orient a potential future boss in terms of what they are about to read in the resume. Think about what you would like to share that matters to you. This space is particularly useful if you are changing industries , coming back in to the employment market or looking for a promotion. Your shop window starts here. The personal statement may be the only thing than an employer reads.

The resume personal statement hooks in a reader, influencing them to read more. So, how do you write a resume personal statement that is both natural and grabs an employer’s attention? Offer them a brief insight into who you are and why you would be a fantastic hire. So what do you write in a personal statement for a job?

This guide will cover:

• The basic formatting of a personal statement: How to tailor your personal statement to give you a competitive advantage
• Personal statement examples you should (and shouldn’t) use
• Practical steps for getting started on your resume personal statement

The personal statement format

The personal statement is a short paragraph that sits right below your contact information at the top of a resume . It sums up your experience, goals and skills with confidence. Think of your resume’s personal statement like an extended tagline for your career. A resume personal statement should include:

• Between 50 and 200 words in 3 - 4 sentences
• Your title or function, for example “Junior developer” or “Passionate hospitality manager”
• An opening hook
• Soft skills and hard skills
• Impressive facts and stats
• Your short and/or long-term goals
• Job-specific slant for the position you’re applying to

This may seem like a lot to cram into 200 words but perfecting your elevator pitch shows that you have a firm grasp of why your experience, goals, and skills make you the perfect fit for the job. Go all out to make this as fitting for each role as possible. Too often candidates come up with what they see as the perfect introduction to them and forget about how a hiring manager for each specific role might read it. Be flexible with the personal statement. It might not present the very best version of you - it should present the best version of you for this particular role.

This brief introduction is only a short piece of text, it is not disruptive and in many cases even serves as a welcome addition to what is otherwise a dry and impersonal document. It should be clear to you by now how we feel about the personal statement: Include it, especially because it allows you that bit of creativity that may make all the difference. Adopt a conversational tone and consider using the first person for these few lines. Third person (past tense) is standard for resumes, but if you want to go personal, this is where to do it.

How do I start my personal statement? How do you not start a personal statement? Even with a personal statement of 3-4 lines, sometimes the first sentence is the hardest. Even the first few words can have a disproportionate effect on how your personal statement is viewed. Your starting "hook" should make your fit with the role clear and specific. Use an example that is as unique to you as possible - you have to make your future employer sit up and pay attention. The first word of your personal statement should never be "I" - a great resume explores the potential of a common partnership and should not be a uni-directional monologue.

Align your resume’s personal statement with the job description

The hiring manager delicately chose every word in their job description. Gather clues from its tone, which skills they highlight, and any hints that point toward their dream employee. One of the top resume tips from HR managers is to include relevant keywords specific to the job posting itself as well as the actual wording of the job title .

What would this job description look like in 3 - 4 sentences? What keywords, skills, and tone would the job description have?

While still sticking to the facts about who you are and your experiences, your resume personal statement should highlight as many similarities with the job description as possible. When the hiring manager reads the first few sentences in your resume, they feel like you are exactly the person they were describing when they wrote the job description.

Position of the personal statement

Recruiters still prefer to see a candidate's personal details at the top (or running along a column on either side) of the resumes that cross their desk. This allows them to quickly search through the resumes that Applicant Tracking Systems have sorted into their virtual “yes” pile. You do not want your (relatively modern) personal statement to get in the way of this tradition. 

The best place to put your statement is after your personal details (if they are at the top) and before your employment history section. Remember that the length of your resume is important. If you have already been very selective and cannot possibly leave out any more information and if adding your personal statement means your resume spills over onto a third page, you may consider not including your statement for the position in question. This ensures you comply with the unwritten rule that a resume should not be longer than two pages.

What is a good personal statement length? 200 words is the maximum suggested length, but if you go with one powerful sentence that you want the hiring manager to remember for the rest of the interview process, then why not? Less is more, but you have to be confident in your application to go with this option.

Plan to write your resume personal statement last

Instead of getting stuck at the beginning trying to write the perfect statement, skip this section and jump right into your employment history first. Once you’ve added your relevant work experiences , take a look at your keywords, phrases and skills from your past positions.

Your complete work history and the job description for the job you want are the foundations for your personal statement. By writing your resume personal statement last, it should be easier to get started once you have the right inspiration.

It might be the case that you leave a certain number of lines for the personal statement on your resume and write an individual statement for each role. You will often have a public version of your resume that is accessible on job boards (etc), so there should still be an "ideal" personal statement version.

How do I write a resume from scratch? While it is good advice to write the resume personal statement after your have written the resume itself (giving your brain a chance to ponder your true highlights), starting writing a resume is a mammoth task in itself. There are many useful pieces of advice when sitting down to write a resume, but for me, the key is to think about the reflecting the combination of what you are good at, what you enjoy and how those things will contribute to the direction of your career. For sure, be honest about your experience, but there has to be a creative flavour of ensuring that your past adequately reflects where you want to go.

Check out resume personal statement examples

Before you dive into writing, get a sense for different rhythms and layouts by checking these resume personal statement examples. How do you write a good personal statement?

Let's start with the basics. Since every person is unique, all personal statements should be unique too. You should, therefore, resist the urge to (largely) copy someone else's existing statement. This is the only spot on your resume to let your voice be heard, so try to write something that would prompt a friend to exclaim, “That sounds like something you’d say!” while, of course, keeping it professional.

Example. Innovative Executive Assistant with 10+ years of experience with global financial firm assisting a team of three C-Level directors. Expertly coordinate travel, manage large-scale expense reports, and streamline communication and calendars across departments..Seeking an Executive Assistant role with the Resume.io team to expand my office management career and thrive in an environment that requires independent problem-solving skills and focus under short deadlines.

The example above does the following things:

• States their title in the first sentence
• Includes specifics such as team size and duties
• Succinctly sums up major responsibilities and skills
• Highlights hard skills —experience arranging travel and expense reports—as well as soft skills —grace under pressure, attention to detail and communication.
• Specifically tailors the final statement with the company and/or job description

Here are a few more resume personal statement examples:

Experienced Digital Marketing Manager with five years of expertise in heading up a global firm. Increased inbound leads by 500% and raised online sales from 100,000 annually to over 2 million in a three-year period. Looking to grow career by applying skills to the Resume.io marketing team.

Straight to the point and accomplishment focused, without the use of “I”. Now let’s look at a less effective example:

I have worked as a Digital Marketing Manager for five years. During this time I have been an important and hard-working member of the team and showed my ability to work under pressure to deliver on company targets. I am looking to bring my skills to a new role in digital marketing.

Generic and ignores accomplishments. Also, too many uses of “I” in a passive voice.

Next is an example of a personal statement that focuses more on career objectives . A career objective can be used as a way to get across your skills and experience, without the personal bit. It’s a good option if you’re an entry-level candidate or college graduate without a lot of experience in the industry you’re applying for. The idea is, because you don’t have the relevant experience to talk about, you pull skills and experience from other areas of your resume so you can show you have what it takes.

Keep your career objective brief — 2-3 sentences max — following the same rules as the personal statement.

Content writer with three years' experience in a large e-commerce company. Delivered content that grew brand social presence to over 700,000 across three channels and improved email open rates by 48%. Looking to further career by joining the Resume.io as an SEO Executive.

See how it uses transferable skills? Combining these with numbers makes them all the more impressive.

And a less effective resume personal statement example:

I am a content writer looking to secure a role as an SEO Executive. While I have no experience in this field and am a dedicated individual and a keen learner. My enjoyment of how search engines work will help me excel in your company.

There’s not enough here to capture attention and it doesn’t sell transferable skills. Whichever type of opening statement you go for, if you have numbers to show, make them count.

Writing your personal profile resume

Always write the first draft of a personal profile resume without editing. Don’t worry about length or word choice in the first pass. Brag about yourself, be proud of your accomplishments , and add in all of your most impressive stats.

Some of the best writing happens without editing too soon, so don’t worry about sounding over the top or egotistical, that’s what editing your personal profile resume is for. If the goal is to get 3 - 4 perfect sentences, it’s likely your first draft will be closer to 6 - 8, maybe even longer. Then consider which parts are closest to helping you get the job and cull the rest. It might seem brutal, but brevity is critical at the top of your personal profile.

Polish your personal statement and experiment

Once you’ve narrowed your focus, use the following questions to help you review your work and edit your statement:

Is my first sentence clear and concise? The opening line should state your position and use strong, enthusiastic language to hook in the reader. It often includes years of experience as well.

Is it direct opposed to passive? A strong sense of self comes through in a personal statement. Instead of sentences that begin with “I believe I am…” or “I enjoy…” be bold. Get right to the point and take ownership of your skills .

Does it include objective information? For this one, try to get inside the hiring manager’s mind. If you were filling this role, what boxes would you need to check off? The second and third sentence often include specific skills, facts or figures to support this need.

Does it read naturally? Even with all these specifics, the statement should still be easy to understand and have a natural rhythm when read aloud. Cut out any jargon that acts as filler or that changes your tone. Formality may vary from company to company, but personal statements should always reflect the type of employee or person you are.

What are three tips for writing a personal statement?

• Make sure that your personality comes across in the writing.
• Quantify any accomplishments and include financials where possible.
• If you are at a moment of career change, don't fail to mention your goals.

Common mistakes in personal statements

When writing your personal statement, beware of platitudes. These are clichéd expressions that have become meaningless from overuse. They induce recruiters to roll their eyes and move on to the next candidate. Think of such terms as “an administrative jack-of-all-trades” or “a cog in the wheel’ and being ready for a “new challenge.”  Definitely avoid this list of human resources’ most hated resume phrases. 

Try to be original in your choice of words and ask a friend or family member to take a critical look at your personal statement when you are done. By the way, you should always have someone proofread your entire resume when you think you are ready to send it.

Some people call their personal statements " resume objectives ." This is something else entirely. A resume objective is required when a candidate needs to project their hopes for their next role that differe from their previous experience a little. This objective can then be used to outline the motivations behind a career change and is also common with early-career professionals. 

Does a personal statement need a title? Some resume templates might call the opening statement a summary and others may exclude a description entirely. Either option is fine as employers are conditioned to expect a few lines at the to of a resume to serve as a headline for your job application.

What do employers expect from your resume opening statement?

Sometimes it is useful to consider job seeking activity from the point of view of the end hiring managers. External recruiters are important people to impress, but it is the employers that will be making the ultimate hiring decision. They will be reading lots of resumes, so what would they want to read in your resume opening statement?

• They will want the resume opening statement to be written for them. When you are on the hunt for a new member of your professional family, an intensely personal connection is vital from the first lines.
• They will expect a quantifiable context to your resume opening statement. Impressive words come easily when you really need a job, but backing them up with numbers to demonstrate their scale is less simple.
• They will expect to be impressed. If you cannot impress a specific employer for a specific role with the first lines of your resume, then the role is almost certainly not for you. Nothing to shout about? Move on.

Key takeaways

Think of your CV personal statement as the first 2 minutes of an interview—whether on the phone or in person. The HR manager asks you to “tell me a little about yourself,” and you have a quick minute to set the tone for the rest of the conversation. Similarly, the CV personal statement should include:

• A natural, yet professional CV tone that reflects your personality
• The top reasons your experience makes you a unique fit for this position
• Why this role aligns with your career plans
• Facts and data on your CV that back up your earlier points

Crafting a personal statement for each role will cause some serious thought. What is your essential fit for the role that will make a hiring manager sit up and think "wow, I need to have them on my team?" What would you want to read if you were in their shoes. You will definitely have lots to say, but keep it simple and powerful.

One more good CV statement example:

Expert SEO copywriter with a decade of B2C and B2B experience across three industries. Versatile in writing social, website and long-form copy to convey each brand’s unique tone and message. I cultivated 15 new clients in two years and grew readership by over 200%. I am now seeking to expand my editing and content creation expertise in a Marketing Manager position.

Once you’ve mastered writing your CV personal statement, this clear sense of who you are and what you want will prepare you to pitch yourself during interviews.

How to Write a CV Personal Statement [+4 Real-life Examples]

Creating an effective CV takes time and close attention to detail. You've already included your jobs and experience , and now you want to allow the recruiter or hiring manager to understand the strategic value you can add.

This is when you need to utilize a personal statement at the top of your CV.

How to Write a CV Personal Statement [+4 Real-life Examples] 

What is a Personal Statement? 

A personal statement is a few brief and direct sentences at the top of your CV. The personal statement is also referred to as a career summary or personal mission statement.

This is used to grab the attention of the recruiter or hiring manager and summarizes essential experiences or training that you can bring to this position.

Why do I Need a Personal Statement?

A recruiter or hiring manager is tasked with sorting through an enormous amount of resumes every single day. A personal statement is a way to separate yourself from the other applicants.

This statement summarizes your experience and highlights your unique talents . The CV personal statement is meant to demonstrate why you are the perfect fit for the job. 

Even med students need a medical school personal statement , as it is what differentiates them from all the other students applying. Plus, it allows them to share their personal stories and objectives.

Where do I Start? 

Always begin by reading the job description carefully and thoroughly.

Your personal statement should be tailored to each job description, so it explicitly states the value you’ll bring to the position you are applying. A generic personal statement cannot do that. 

Once you have a solid handle on the job description, you can begin writing. It’s important to keep your personal statement brief, about 50-200 words will do.

Don’t forget that you have your whole cover letter to show some personality and include engaging content.

The personal statement should be a quick summary that highlights why you are the best person for the job. 

You’ll need to decide whether you are writing your personal statement in first- or third-person. This should follow how you've written the rest of your CV.

For example, if you've already written, “I grew and developed a team of 50 salespeople,” in your CV then you will want to keep your personal statement in first-person to match the prevailing style.

No matter what you choose, make sure that you keep it consistent throughout. Do not switch between first- and third-person as that will get confusing to the hiring manager.

Writing a personal statement for your CV in first-person does not mean you need to start every sentence with “I.”

There are ways to craft your personal statement to sound snappy, concise and personal, and here are a few examples to help inspire your personal statement. 

CV Personal Statement Examples

It doesn’t matter what chose as your desired career or how much experienc e you have, use these examples to drive the creation of your own personal statement.

You can take snippets from each or write something completely different. Always remember that your personal statement is a reflection of yourself and should align with your own personal goals and experience.

If these examples don’t fit your exact career, feel free to take some pointers and write yours from scratch. 

#1: Personal Statement Example for Recent Graduate CV

“As a recent graduate from university, with an honors degree in communications, I held several internships within leading organizations, including Bertelsmann. These internships enabled me to gain experience in the field and learn how to serve up valuable contributions in a fast-paced, professional environment.”

Explanation: This example should be customized to include the university you’ve graduated from and any relevant internships. A compelling personal statement always highlights relevant skills and experiences.

In this case, a recent graduate does not have extensive experience in the workforce, so soft skills like experiencing success in a fast-paced work environment and becoming a trusted team member become even more critical.

#2: Personal Statement Example for Returning to the Workforce CV

“A highly motivated and experienced office administrator, I am currently looking to resume my professional career after an extended hiatus to raise my family. Proficient in all Microsoft Office programs, I can lead meetings and work with clients to keep your office running smoothly and efficiently. After spending several years volunteering as an administrative worker for a local charity, I am committed to resuming my professional career on a full-time basis.”

Explanation: After time off from a career, it can be hard to break back into the market. This personal statement outlines the reason for the break, the relevant qualifications and what the applicant has been doing in between jobs.

Any volunteer experience becomes highly relevant when there is no concrete professional experience to draw upon, to demonstrate the use of those skills. 

#3: Personal Statement Example for a Career Change CV

“With over 15 years as a sales manager, I have extensive experience building high-functioning sales teams that consistently achieve budget numbers. In fact, my ability to grow talent led to a 20% increase in annual renewals across the board. Now, after 15 years, I am seeking new challenges to flex my marketing muscles in a fast-paced environment.” 

Explanation: When changing careers , it's essential to highlight skills that are transferable between industries.

In this case, leadership and team-building experience can apply to any industry. Homing in on concrete numbers and percentages increases credibility when applying for a position.

The applicant ends with the reason behind the desired career change. This part is not necessary but may be appealing to some hiring managers who are wondering what the impetus for the career change.

#4: Personal Statement Example for a Experienced Professional CV

“As a friendly, professional and highly trained educator, I am passionate about teaching and have an innate ability to understand student’s needs. Creating a safe and productive environment for optimal learning is my top priority. I’ve worked as a teacher for nearly 10 years in a variety of subjects and my experience and skill set make me the perfect fit for your team.”

Explanation: With more experience comes more skills and a better idea of strengths and weaknesses. Showcasing your passion for the industry is a great way to begin a personal statement, as it shows the hiring manager your dedication to the craft. 

A personal statement can be written in many different ways, but it is ultimately up to you to determine what skills you want to highlight for your chosen position.

You can follow these examples or take learnings from each to contribute towards your personal statement. 

If you understand the job you are applying for and know the unique skill set that you bring to the table, you will have a stellar personal statement for your CV that will get you across the table from the hiring manager in no time.  

Suggested Reading:

• How to Write a CV (Curriculum Vitae) in 2024 [31+ Examples]
• 43+ Resume Tips and Tricks to Land Your Next Job
• 150+ Must-Have Skills for Any Resume  [With Tips + Tricks]
• How to Answer “Tell Me About Yourself”

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How To Write a Personal Statement That Stands Out

Table of contents

Laura Jane Bradbury

A personal statement is a chance to highlight your unique qualities, skills, and experiences, all while showcasing your personality.

But whether you're applying for university, a job, or funding, it can be daunting to write about yourself. To increase your chances of getting accepted, it's important to know how to create an effective personal statement.

In my six years as a copywriter, I’ve written many personal statements that get results. In this article, I’ll guide you through what to include, what to avoid, and how to tailor a personal statement based on your application type.

Key Takeaways

• A personal statement is an opportunity to share your unique qualities, experiences, and skills.
• It should always relate to the course, job, or funding you are applying for.
• Include accomplishments and experiences that demonstrate how suited you are to the position or course you are applying for.
• Use clear and simple language to ensure your points are understood.

Your personal statement should be concise and demonstrate how you fit the position or opportunity you’re applying for. It’s important to keep information relevant, rather than listing all of your skills and accomplishments.

Follow these steps to accurately write and tailor your statement.

Understand your prompt

Before you start, make sure you understand what's expected of you. Are there specific instructions, keywords, or phrases that stand out in your prompt? Read through it thoroughly and note the requirements. You can then brainstorm ideas for each point.

Let's say I'm applying for a university journalism course. I've been asked to write a statement that shares why I'm interested and why I would be a good fit. I can use columns to plan my content:

Putting your ideas together first makes it easier to stay on track. Otherwise, you might lose focus and include irrelevant information. 

Show, don't just tell

Once you’ve listed your experiences, skills, and accomplishments, consider how you can demonstrate them with examples. Take a look at the list you created during the previous exercise and organize your points so you have clear examples and proof.

This technique helps you demonstrate your experiences and how they tie in with your application.

When telling anecdotes, use engaging stories that demonstrate your skills. For instance, a story about how I handled a fast-paced news internship proves I work well under pressure. 

Start strong

Recruiters, application tutors, and funders read lots of personal statements. You can make yours stand out with an engaging introduction.

Examples of a strong opening include:

A meaningful statistic

This draws readers in and increases credibility: 

"Communication is the key to marketing success, according to Business Marketing News. With five years of experience communicating and delivering campaigns to global clients, I have the skills and passion to add value to your team."

A personal story

Anecdotes connect the reader with the author’s real-life experience: 

"My first exposure to microbiology was during my time as a research assistant for a microbiologist. I was fascinated by the complex and intricate processes within cells."

An alarming statement

This piques the reader’s interest by making an issue seem urgent:  

“ The fashion industry churns out clothes at an alarming rate, causing mass production of synthetic fibers and harsh chemicals which have a detrimental impact on the planet. Funding my sustainability initiative is vital to mitigating this environmental impact." 

Avoid cliches such as "From a young age, I have always loved...." and "For as long as I can remember, I have had a passion for..."

Pro tip: Use Wordtune Editor 's Shorten feature to cut unnecessary fluff and make your intro sharper. Simply type in your sentence and click Shorten to receive suggestions.

Get Wordtune for free > Get Wordtune for free >

Admission committees and employers appreciate sincerity and authenticity. While it may be tempting, avoid exaggeration. You can better emphasize your skills and personality by being honest. For instance, rather than claiming I read every type of newspaper in my journalism application, I can focus on my dedication to reading The New York Times.

Your writing style should also feel genuine. Instead of trying to impress with complex language and fancy words, keep sentences simple and direct . This makes them more effective because they’re easier to read. 

Address weaknesses

Addressing weaknesses can show your willingness to confront challenges. It also gives you a chance to share efforts you have made for improvement. When explaining a weakness, exclude excuses.

Instead of saying "I didn't achieve my expected grades due to work commitments impacting my studies," try “While I didn't achieve my expected grades, I am now working with a tutor to help me understand my weak areas so I can succeed in your program.”

Wordtune’s Spices feature can help you develop counterarguments to weaknesses. In the Editor, highlight your text, click on Spices, and then Counterargument . Here’s an example:

Using Wordtune’s suggestion, I can highlight my eagerness to learn and provide examples to support my argument.

Highlight achievements

This is your chance to shine! A personal statement should highlight your best qualities — provided they relate to your prompt.

Ask yourself:

• What are your skills and strengths? Identify both academic and non-academic abilities such as critical thinking, problem-solving, and teamwork.
• What challenges have you faced? Reflect on how you have overcome significant challenges and how these experiences have helped you grow. For example, completing a course, learning a new language, or starting a business.
• What are your unique selling points? Consider what sets you apart from other applicants. For example, you may have a unique set of technical skills or experience learning in a different country.
• How have your achievements shaped your goals and aspirations? Sharing your goals shows that you think long-term and have taken the time to make sure you’re applying for the right opportunity.

Connect with the institution or company

Tailor your statement to the specific institution or company you're applying to — this shows you understand their values and have carefully considered where you want to seek opportunities.

To do this, head to the company or institution’s website and look for the About page. Many organizations include a mission statement on this page that conveys its purpose and values.

For example, universities often include their values under “Community” or “Student Life” sections. Here, Princeton University’s “In Service of Humanity” section highlights how they value using education to benefit society. Applicants can engage with this by explaining how they interact with their communities and seek to use their education to help others.

You can also research a company or institution’s social media. Look for similarities — maybe you both prioritize collaboration or think outside the box. Draw upon this in your personal statement. 

End with a strong conclusion

A strong conclusion is clear, concise, and leaves a lasting impression. Use these three steps:

• Summarize the main points of your statement. For example, “My experience volunteering for the school newspaper, along with my communication skills and enthusiasm for writing, make me an ideal student for your university."
• Discuss your future . Share your future ambitions to remind the reader that you’ve carefully considered how the opportunity fits into your plans.
• Include a closing statement. End on a positive note and offer the reader a final explanation for why you would be a great match. For instance, “Thank you for reviewing my statement. I am confident my skills and experience align with the role and your company culture.”

Tip: Learn more about writing an effective conclusion with our handy guide . 

Different types of personal statements

Now you know how to write a personal statement, let’s look at what to focus on depending on your application type.

The length of your personal statement will vary depending on the type. Generally, it should be around 500 words to 650 words . However, a university application is often longer than a statement for a job, so it’s vital to determine what is expected of you from the beginning.

Whatever the length, it’s important to remove and edit content fluff , including any repetition or copy that does not relate to your prompt.

Personal statement checklist

Use this checklist to ensure that your statement includes: 

• An engaging introduction.
• Clear examples of your experiences, skills, and expertise. 
• A commitment to improvement, if required.
• Any applicable achievements. 
• A direct connection to the company or institution’s values.
• A strong conclusion that summarizes information without adding new content.
• Authentic, simple language.

Personal statements are an opportunity to delve deeper and share who you are beyond your grades or resume experience. Demonstrate your ability with anecdotes and examples, address any weaknesses, and remember to use genuine and simple language. This is your place to shine, so follow our tips while displaying your unique personality, and you’ll be sure to stand out from the crowd.

Want to get started and create a powerful introduction? Read our step-by-step guide .

What is the difference between a cover letter and a personal statement?

A cover letter expresses your interest in a position and introduces you to an employer. It’s typically shorter and focuses on your qualifications, skills, and experience for a particular role. A personal statement, however, is common for a job, internship, funding, or university application. It explores your background, goals, and aspirations, as well as your skills and experience.

What is the purpose of a personal statement?

A personal statement is an opportunity to stand out by detailing your background, experiences, and aspirations. It should explain why you are interested in and a good match for the company or institution you are applying to.

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How to Write a Strong Personal Statement

by Ruth Gotian and Ushma S. Neill

Summary .   

Whether applying for a summer internship, a professional development opportunity, such as a Fulbright, an executive MBA program, or a senior leadership development course, a personal statement threads the ideas of your CV, and is longer and has a different tone and purpose than a traditional cover letter. A few adjustments to your personal statement can get your application noticed by the reviewer.

• Make sure you’re writing what they want to hear. Most organizations that offer a fellowship or internship are using the experience as a pipeline: It’s smart to spend 10 weeks and $15,000 on someone before committing five years and $300,000. Rarely are the organizations being charitable or altruistic, so align your stated goals with theirs
• Know when to bury the lead, and when to get to the point. It’s hard to paint a picture and explain your motivations in 200 words, but if you have two pages, give the reader a story arc or ease into your point by setting the scene.
• Recognize that the reviewer will be reading your statement subjectively, meaning you’re being assessed on unknowable criteria. Most people on evaluation committees are reading for whether or not you’re interesting. Stated differently, do they want to go out to dinner with you to hear more? Write it so that the person reading it wants to hear more.
• Address the elephant in the room (if there is one). Maybe your grades weren’t great in core courses, or perhaps you’ve never worked in the field you’re applying to. Make sure to address the deficiency rather than hoping the reader ignores it because they won’t. A few sentences suffice. Deficiencies do not need to be the cornerstone of the application.

At multiple points in your life, you will need to take action to transition from where you are to where you want to be. This process is layered and time-consuming, and getting yourself to stand out among the masses is an arduous but not impossible task. Having a polished resume that explains what you’ve done is the common first step. But, when an application asks for it, a personal statement can add color and depth to your list of accomplishments. It moves you from a one-dimensional indistinguishable candidate to someone with drive, interest, and nuance.

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CV personal statement examples

If you want to secure job interview, you need a strong personal statement at the top of your CV.

Your CV personal statement is a short paragraph which sits at the very top of your CV – and it’s aim is to summarise the benefits of hiring you and encourage employers to read your CV in full.

In this guide I have included 17 CV personal statement examples from a range of professions and experience levels, plus a detailed guide of how to write your own personal statement that will get you noticed by employers

CV templates 

17 CV personal statement examples

To start this guide, I have included 10 examples of good personal statements, to give you an idea of how a personal statement should look , and what should be included.

Note: personal statements are generally used by junior candidates – if you are experienced, check out our CV profile examples instead.

Graduate CV personal statement (no experience)

Although this  graduate has no paid work experience, they compensate for it by showcasing all of the skills and knowledge the have gained during their studies, and demonstrating how they apply their knowledge in academic and personal projects.

When you have little or no experience, it’s important to draw out transferable workplace skills from your studies and extracurricular work, to showcase them to employers.

Graduate CV personal statement (part time freelance experience)

This candidate has graduated with a degree in biochemistry but actually wants to start a career in digital marketing after providing some digital freelance services to fund their studies.

In this case, they haven’t made much mention of their studies because they aren’t relevant to the digital marketing agencies they are applying to. Instead they have focused their personal statement around their freelance work and passion for the digital field – although they still mention the fact they are degree educated to prove their academic success.

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School leaver CV personal statement (no experience)

This candidate is 16 years old and has no work experience whatsoever, but they compensate for this by detailing their academic achievements that relate to the roles they are applying for (maths and literacy are important requirements in finance and accountancy roles).

They also add some info on their extracurricular activities and school work-placements, to strengthen this student CV further.

    Top tips for writing a CV personal statement

• Thoroughly research the jobs and companies you are planning to apply for to identify the type of candidate they are looking for – try to reflect that in your personal statement
• Don’t be afraid to brag a little – include some of your most impressive achievements from education, work or personal life
• Focus on describing the benefits an employer will get from hiring you. Will you help them to get more customers? Improve their workplace? Save them time and money?
• If you have no work experience, demonstrate transferable workplace skills from your education, projects, or even hobbies

School leaver CV personal statement (part time experience)

Although this person has only just left school, they have also undertaken some part-time work in a call centre alongside their studies.

To make the most of this experience, they have combined their academic achievements with their workplace exposure in this personal statement.

By highlighting their GCSE results, summer programme involvement, work experience and expressing their ambitions to progress within sales, this candidate really makes an appealing case for hiring them.

College leaver CV personal statement (no experience)

This candidate has left college with good grades, but does not yet have any work experience.

To compensate for the lack of workplace exposure, they have made their A level results prominent and highlighted skills and experience which would benefit the employers they are targeting.

Any recruiter reading this profile can quickly understand that this candidate has great academic achievements, a passion for IT and finance and the ability to transfer their skills into an office environment.

College student CV personal statement (freelance experience)

As this student has picked up a small amount of freelance writing work during their studies, they have made sure to brag about it in their personal statement.

They give details on their relevant A level studies to show the skills they are learning, and boost this further by highlighting the fact that they have been applying these skills in a real-life work setting by providing freelance services.

They also include key action verbs that recruiters will be looking for , such as creative writing, working to deadlines, and producing copy.

Academic CV personal statement

Aside from junior candidates, the only other people who might use a personal statement, are academic professionals; as their CV’s tend to be more longer and detailed than other professions.

This candidate provides a high level overview of their field of study, length of experience, and the roles they have held within universities.

School leaver CV personal statement with and sports experience

Although this person has no work experience, they are still able to show employers the value of hiring them by selling their other achievements and explaining how they could benefit an organisation.

They expand on their sports club involvement to demonstrate their teamwork, leadership skills, communication and motivation, which are all important traits in the workplace, and will be looked upon favourably by recruiters and hiring managers.

They also draw upon their future plans to study business studies and take a part time job, to further prove their ambition and dedication.

History graduate CV personal statement

This history graduate proves their aptitude for both academic achievement and workplace aptitude by showcasing valuable skills from their degree and voluntary work.

They do this by breaking down the key requirements for each and showing how their skills could be beneficial for future employers, such as listening, communication, and crisis management.

They also describe how their ability to balance studies alongside voluntary work has not only boosted their knowledge and skills, but also given excellent time management and organisational skills – which are vital assets to any employer.

Law graduate CV personal statement

This legal graduate makes the most from their work university work placements by using it to bulk out the contents of their CV personal statement.

They include their degree to show they have the necessary qualifications for legal roles, which is crucial, but more importantly, they showcase how they applied their legal skills within a real-life work setting.

They give a brief overview of the types of legal professionals they have been working alongside and the type of work they have been carrying out – this is all it takes to get the attention of recruiters and show employers they have what it takes to fulfil roles in the legal sector.

Medical student CV personal statement

This medical student proves their fit for the role by showcasing the key skills they have gained from their studies and their work experience placements.

In just these few sentences, they are able to highlight the vast amount of experience they have across different disciplines in the industry, something which is particularly important in the medical sector.

As they have not graduated yet and are still studying, they have provided proof of their most recent grades. This can give the recruiter some indication as to the type of grade they could be graduating with in the near future.

Masters student CV personal statement

This masters student has started by specifying their area of study, in this case, accounting, and given details about the specific areas of finance they are most interested in. This can hint towards their career goals and passions.

They have then carefully listed some of the key areas of accounting and finance that they are proficient in. For example, business finance, advanced corporate finance and statistics.

They have also outlined some of the transferable skills needed for accounting roles that employers will be looking out for, such as communication, attention to detail and analytical skills.

Finance student CV personal statement

As this finance student has recently undertaken some relevant work experience, they’ve made sure to shout about this in their personal profile.

But more than this, they have included a list of some of the important finance skills they gained as a result of this work experience – for example, financial reporting, processing invoices and month-end reconciliations.

Plus, through power words and phrases such as ‘prevent loss’ and ‘ improve upon accuracy and efficiency’, they have also showcased how they can apply these skills in a workplace setting to benefit the potential employer.

Internship  CV personal statement

This digital marketing professional has started their personal profile by outlining their most relevant qualifications and work experience, most notably their freelance role as a content manager.

They have also provided examples of some of the key marketing skills that potential employers might be looking for, including very detailed examples of the platforms and tools they are proficient in – for example, LinkedIn, Twitter and Pinterest.

They have then closed their statement by giving a detailed description of the type of role or opportunity they are looking for. In this case, an in-house position in a marketing company.

Graduate career changer personal statement

Switching careers as a graduate can be tough. Especially when it comes to writing a personal statement that will attract employers in your new chosen field.

This candidate is looking to move from history teaching into journalism, so they have created a statement which briefly mentions their current workplace, but mainly focuses on highlighting transferable skills which are relevant to journalism. They achieve this by discussing the writing skills they use in their current role, and mentioning their hobby of writing – including some publications they have been featured in for extra brownie points.

Business management graduate personal statement

This business management proves their ability to work within a junior business management position by swiftly highlighting their impressive degree (to ensure it is not missed) and summarising some of the real-life experience they have gained in management during their university placements and volunteering. They do not let their lack of paid work experience, stop them demonstrating their valuable skills.

PhD graduate

PhD graduate roles attract a lot of competition, so it’s important that your CV contains a personal statement that will quickly impress and attract recruiters.

This candidate provides a short-but-comprehensive overview of their academic achievements, whilst demonstrating their exceptional level of knowledge in research, languages and publication writing.

By highlighting a number of skills and abilities that are in high-demand in the academic workplace, this CV is very likely to get noticed and land interviews.

How to write a personal statement for your CV

Now that you’ve seen what a personal statement should look like and the type of content it should contain, follow this detailed guide to one for your own CV – and start racking those interviews up.

Guide contents

What is a CV personal statement?

Cv personal statement or cv profile, personal statement format, what to include in a cv personal statement.

• Personal statement mistakes

How to write persuasively

A personal statement is a short paragraph at the top of your CV which gives employers an overview of your education, skills and experience

It’s purpose is to capture the attention of busy recruiters and hiring managers when your CV is first opened – encouraging them to read the rest of it.

You achieve this by writing a tailored summary of yourself that explains your suitability for the roles you are applying for at a very high level, and matches your target job descriptions .

One question candidates often ask me is , “what is the difference between a personal statement and a CV profile?”

To be honest, they are almost the same – they are both introductory paragraphs that sit at the top of your CV… but there are 2 main differences

A personal statement tends to be used more by junior candidates (graduates, school leavers etc.) and is relatively long and detailed.

A CV profile tends to be favoured by more experienced candidates , and is shorter in length than a personal statement.

Note: If you are an experienced candidate, you may want to switch over to my CV profile writing guide , or example CV profiles page.

To ensure you grab recruiters’ attention with your personal statement, lay it out in the following way.

Positioning

You need to ensure that your personal statement sits at the very top of your CV, and all of it should be totally visible to readers, without the need to scroll down the page.

Do this by reducing the top page margin and minimising the space taken up by your contact details.

This will ensure that your whole personal statement can be seen, as soon as your CV is opened.

We have a Word CV template which can help you to get this right.

Size/length

Your personal statement needs to contain enough detail to provide an introduction to your skills and knowledge, but not so much detail that it bores readers.

To strike the right balance, anything between 8-15 lines of text is perfect – and sentences should be sharp and to-the-point.

As with the whole of your CV or resume , your personal statement should be written in a simple clean font at around size 10-12 to ensure that it can be read easily by all recruiters and employers.

Keep the text colour simple , ensuring that it contrasts the background (black on white is best) and break it into 2 or even 3 paragraphs for a pleasant reading experience.

It should also be written in a punchy persuasive tone, to help you sell yourself and increase your chances of landing interviews , I cover how to do this in detail further down the guide.

Quick tip: A poorly written CV will fail to impress recruiters and employers. Use our quick-and-easy CV Builder to create a winning CV in minutes with professional CV templates and pre-written content for every industry.

Once you have the style and format of your personal statement perfected, you need to fill it with compelling content that tells recruiters that your CV is worth reading.

Here’s what needs to go into your personal statement…

Before you start writing your personal statement, it’s crucial that you research your target roles to find out exactly what your new potential employers are looking for in a candidate.

Run a search for your target jobs on one of the major job websites , look through plenty of adverts and make a list of the candidate requirements that frequently appear.

This research will show you exactly what to include in your personal statement in order to impress the recruiters who will be reading it.

Education and qualifications are an important aspect of your personal statement, especially if you are a junior candidate.

You should highlight your highest and most relevant qualifications, whether that is a degree, A levels or GCSEs. You could potentially go into some more detail around modules, papers etc. if they are relevant to the roles you are applying for.

It’s important that you discuss the experience you have gained in your personal statement, to give readers an idea of the work you are comfortable undertaking.

This can of course be direct employed work experience, but it doesn’t have to be.

You can also include:

• School/college Uni work placements
• Voluntary work
• Personal projects
• Hobbies/interests

As with all aspects of your CV , the content should be tailored to match the requirements of your target roles.

Whilst discussing your experience, you should touch upon skills used, industries worked in, types of companies worked for, and people you have worked with.

Where possible, try to show the impact your actions have made. E.g . A customer service agent helps to make sales for their employer.

Any industry-specific knowledge you have that will be useful to your new potential employers should be made prominent within your personal statement.

For example

• Knowledge of financial regulations will be important for accountancy roles
• Knowledge of IT operating systems will be important for IT roles
• Knowledge of the national curriculum will be important for teachers

You should also include some information about the types of roles you are applying for, and why you are doing so. Try to show your interest and passion for the field you are hoping to enter, because employers want to hire people who have genuine motivation and drive in their work.

This is especially true if you don’t have much work experience, as you need something else to compensate for it.

CV personal statement mistakes

The things that you omit from your personal statement can be just as important as the things you include.

Try to keep the following out of your personal statement..

Irrelevant info

Any information that doesn’t fall into the requirements of your target roles can be cut out of your personal statement. For example, if you were a professional athlete 6 years ago, that’s great – but it won’t be relevant if you’re applying to advertising internships, so leave it out.

Generic clichés

If you are describing yourself as a “ dynamic team player with high levels of motivation and enthusiasm” you aren’t doing yourself any favours.

These cliché terms are vastly overused and don’t provide readers with any factual details about you – so keep them to a minimum.

Stick to solid facts like education, skills , experience, achievements and knowledge.

If you really want to ensure that your personal statement makes a big impact, you need to write in a persuasive manner.

So, how do you so this?

Well, you need to brag a little – but not too much

It’s about selling yourself and appearing confident, without overstepping the mark and appearing arrogant.

For example, instead of writing.

“Marketing graduate with an interest in entering the digital field”

Be creative and excite the reader by livening the sentence up like this,

“Marketing graduate with highest exam results in class and a passion for embarking on a long and successful career within digital”

The second sentence is a much more interesting, makes the candidate appear more confident, throws in some achievements, and shows off a wider range of writing skills.

Quick tip: A poorly written CV will fail to impress recruiters and employers. Use our quick-and-easy CV Builder to create a winning CV in minutes with professional templates and pre-written content for every industry.

Your own personal statement will be totally unique to yourself, but by using the above guidelines you will be able to create one which shows recruiters everything they need.

Remember to keep the length between 10-20 lines and only include the most relevant information for your target roles.

You can also check our school leaver CV example , our best CV templates , or our library of example CVs from all industries.

Good luck with the job hunt!

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Home » Career Advice » Professional Development » 3 Personal Statement Examples and Why They Work

3 Personal Statement Examples and Why They Work

A well-crafted personal statement can be the deciding factor in your application’s success. Admissions officers and hiring managers often sift through hundreds, if not thousands, of applications. Most applicants will have similar qualifications, so it’s your personal statement that can make you memorable. We’ll help you understand what makes a personal statement truly effective by showcasing three examples of personal statements that have worked well in different contexts.

A strong personal statement demonstrates not only your qualifications but also your passion and commitment. It shows that you’ve taken the time to reflect on your experiences and how they’ve shaped your goals. This reflection is key because it helps the reader understand your motivations and see how you’ll contribute to their institution or organization.

Moreover, a compelling personal statement helps you stand out from the crowd. It’s your chance to showcase your unique perspective, which can be especially important in fields that value creativity, leadership, or social impact. When written well, your personal statement can give you an edge, helping you rise above other applicants who may have similar grades, test scores, or work experience.

By the end of this post, you’ll have a clearer idea of how to approach your personal statement writing, what to include, and how to structure it for maximum impact.

You might also want to read:

• How to Write a Personal Statement for a University (with Example)
• The Dos and Don’ts of Personal Statement Writing
• How to Write an Excellent Personal Statement

Example 1: The career-driven personal statement

Our first personal statement example comes from an applicant applying to medical school. Their goal is to become a physician specializing in pediatric care. Below is their personal statement example:

“From a young age, I have been fascinated by the complexity of the human body and motivated by a deep desire to help others. This passion guided me towards a degree in biology, where I excelled in courses such as anatomy, physiology, and biochemistry. These subjects deepened my understanding of how the body functions, but it was my experiences outside the classroom that truly solidified my decision to pursue a career in medicine.

During my time as a volunteer at a children’s hospital, I had the privilege of working closely with children facing serious health challenges. This experience profoundly impacted me, as I witnessed firsthand the resilience of these young patients and the vital role that compassionate, knowledgeable care plays in their recovery. It was here that I realized the profound difference a dedicated pediatrician can make in the lives of both the patients and their families.

I am committed to providing that level of care throughout my career. My volunteer work taught me that medicine is not just about diagnosing and treating diseases; it’s about understanding each patient as an individual, recognizing their unique needs, and offering care that addresses both their physical and emotional well-being. I am eager to bring this holistic approach to my future practice as a pediatrician, where I hope to make a meaningful difference in the lives of children and their families. With a strong foundation in the sciences and a deep commitment to compassionate care, I am excited to take the next step toward my goal of becoming a physician.”

Breakdown of why it works

Clarity of purpose

This personal statement example is effective because the applicant clearly communicates their passion for medicine and their long-term goal of becoming a pediatrician. The reader immediately understands what drives this individual and how their experiences have shaped their career aspirations. The applicant’s purpose is evident from the start, and they maintain this focus throughout the statement, making it easy for the reader to follow their narrative.

Use of specific examples

The applicant strengthens their statement by including specific examples, such as their volunteer work at a children’s hospital. These examples not only demonstrate their commitment to the field but also provide concrete evidence of their qualifications and dedication. By highlighting particular experiences, the applicant shows that they have thoughtfully considered their career path and are well-prepared for the challenges ahead.

Professional tone and language

The tone of this personal statement strikes a balance between professionalism and authenticity. The language is formal enough to convey seriousness and respect for the application process, yet personal enough to reveal the applicant’s genuine passion for medicine. This combination helps build trust with the reader, as it shows that the applicant is both competent and sincerely committed to their chosen field.

Key takeaways

• Align your past experiences with your future goals in a clear, focused manner.
• Articulate your purpose and back it up with specific examples for a stronger impact.
• Maintain a professional tone that still reflects your personal passion.
• Craft a compelling personal statement that effectively showcases your strengths and aspirations.

Example 2: The personal growth narrative

“Growing up in a small town with limited resources, I often felt like my dreams were too big for my circumstances. My parents worked tirelessly to provide for our family, but despite their efforts, we struggled to make ends meet. As the oldest of three siblings, I assumed responsibilities at a young age, helping to care for my brothers while balancing school and part-time jobs. These experiences taught me resilience, time management, and the value of hard work. They also fueled my determination to pursue higher education.

Throughout high school, I dedicated myself to my studies, striving to excel academically while remaining active in my community. Volunteering at the local community center, where I mentor younger students facing similar challenges, has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. It serves as a constant reminder of where I come from and reinforces my commitment to achieving my goals. Mentoring these students has also deepened my understanding of the struggles many in our community face, and it motivates me to work even harder to break the cycle of poverty that has affected my family and others like us.

I am eager to continue my education and use it as a tool not only to better my own life but to make a lasting impact on my community. I believe that by earning a college degree, I can open doors that were previously closed to me and help others realize that their dreams are within reach, no matter their background. This scholarship would allow me to focus on my studies without the constant worry of financial strain, enabling me to fully dedicate myself to achieving my academic and personal goals.”

Engaging storytelling

This personal statement stands out because the applicant uses a narrative style that draws the reader in from the beginning. The story of their upbringing and the challenges they faced is compelling and relatable, making the reader want to know more about their journey. The applicant effectively uses their personal story to showcase their growth, highlighting how they overcame adversity through resilience and determination. By framing their experiences as a narrative, the applicant not only captures the reader’s attention but also makes their application memorable.

Emotional connection

The personal nature of this story creates a strong emotional connection with the reader. The applicant’s honesty about their struggles and their role within their family invites the reader to empathize with their situation. By sharing their vulnerabilities and the challenges they’ve overcome, the applicant demonstrates a level of honesty that resonates on a deeper level. This emotional connection is crucial because it helps the reader see the applicant as more than just a list of achievements; it allows them to understand the applicant’s motivations and the impact they aim to make in the future.

Demonstration of self-awareness

The applicant’s ability to reflect on their experiences and articulate the lessons they’ve learned shows a high level of self-awareness. They don’t just list their hardships; they analyze how these experiences have shaped their character, work ethic, and ambitions. This reflection reveals maturity and insightfulness, qualities that are highly valued by scholarship committees. The applicant’s understanding of how their past influences their future goals adds depth to their personal statement, making it clear that they are driven by a purpose beyond personal success—they want to uplift others who face similar challenges.

• Utilize the power of storytelling, emotional authenticity, and self-awareness to make your personal statement memorable.
• Share a personal story that highlights growth and resilience to engage your reader and create a lasting impression.
• Be honest about your challenges and reflect on the lessons learned to build an emotional connection and showcase maturity.
• Demonstrate your readiness for opportunities by connecting your unique experiences to your future aspirations.
• Consider how your experiences have shaped who you are today and how they align with your goals when writing your personal statement.

Example 3: The academic-focused personal statement

Our final example comes from an applicant applying for a research grant to pursue a Master’s degree in Environmental Science.

“My passion for environmental science began during my undergraduate studies in biology, where I was introduced to the intricate challenges posed by climate change. This initial interest evolved into a deep commitment during a summer research internship at the XYZ Environmental Research Institute. There, I conducted a study on the impact of rising temperatures on local ecosystems, focusing on the changes in species distribution and habitat health. This experience not only sharpened my research skills—such as data analysis, fieldwork, and report writing—but also ignited my desire to use scientific inquiry as a tool to tackle pressing global environmental issues.

In addition to my research experience, I have become increasingly interested in how scientific findings can be translated into effective environmental policies. My senior thesis, which explored the effects of urbanization on local biodiversity, allowed me to delve deeper into this intersection of science and policy. Through this project, I analyzed how urban development disrupts ecosystems and proposed strategies for mitigating these impacts. This work further solidified my commitment to pursuing a career where I can contribute to evidence-based policy-making that addresses environmental challenges.

I am eager to continue my academic journey at ABC University, where I am particularly drawn to the opportunity to collaborate with leading researchers in environmental policy. The university’s strong focus on interdisciplinary approaches will allow me to explore the connections between science, policy, and societal impact and contribute to research that drives meaningful, positive change. This research grant will enable me to fully engage in this work, equipping me with the knowledge and skills necessary to make a significant contribution to the field of environmental science.”

Deep dive into academic interests

This personal statement example is successful because the applicant takes a deep dive into their academic interests and research. They clearly articulate their passion for environmental science and provide specific examples of how this passion has developed over time. By discussing their research experiences in detail, the applicant demonstrates a thorough understanding of the subject matter and a commitment to advancing their knowledge. This depth of interest is crucial for a research grant application, as it shows that the applicant is not only interested in the topic but also capable of contributing to the field.

Connection to the program

The applicant makes a strong connection between their academic interests and the specific program they are applying to. They mention their desire to work with leading researchers at ABC University and how the program aligns with their goals. This demonstrates that the applicant has done their homework and understands how the program can help them achieve their aspirations. By showing that they are not just applying to any program but one that is uniquely suited to their research interests, the applicant strengthens their case for being a good fit.

Evidence of academic achievement and potential

The applicant provides clear evidence of their academic achievements and potential by discussing their research experiences and academic work, such as their senior thesis. These examples serve to build credibility, showing that the applicant has a strong foundation in the field and is prepared to take on more advanced research. The balance between discussing past achievements and future aspirations is well-maintained, giving the reader confidence that the applicant has both the skills and the drive to succeed in the program.

• Showcase a deep academic interest in your personal statement.
• Make a strong connection to the specific program you’re applying to.
• Provide evidence of your potential and readiness to contribute to the field.
• Demonstrate your passion for the subject and align your academic interests with the program’s strengths.
• Highlight your past achievements to create a compelling narrative.
• Convince the selection committee of your suitability for the opportunity.

Common elements of effective personal statements

Crafting an effective personal statement involves more than just listing achievements and aspirations. The best personal statements share several key elements that make them stand out and resonate with the reader. By understanding and applying these elements, you can create a compelling narrative that strengthens your application.

Authenticity and honesty

All three examples we’ve discussed maintain a strong sense of authenticity and honesty, which is crucial for an effective personal statement. Each applicant shares their story in a way that feels genuine and true to their experiences. They don’t exaggerate or fabricate details but instead focus on their real challenges, achievements, and aspirations.

Authenticity is important because it allows the reader to connect with you on a personal level. Admissions committees and hiring managers can often tell when a statement is overly polished or insincere, which can weaken your credibility. Being honest about your journey, including any setbacks or challenges you’ve faced, demonstrates self-awareness and integrity. It shows that you are comfortable with who you are and confident in what you have to offer.

Clear structure and flow

A clear structure is another hallmark of effective personal statements. Each of the examples we reviewed follows a logical progression, guiding the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. This structure typically includes an introduction, a body that discusses experiences and goals, and a conclusion that ties everything together.

Having a clear structure helps the reader follow your story without getting lost or confused. It ensures that your key points are communicated effectively and that the overall narrative is cohesive. For example, starting with a strong introduction that grabs the reader’s attention and provides a preview of what’s to come can set the tone for the rest of the statement. Similarly, ending with a conclusion that reinforces your main message leaves a lasting impression.

Tailoring the statement to the audience

Tailoring your personal statement to the specific audience you’re addressing is crucial for making a strong impact. Each of the examples we discussed was carefully crafted with the target audience in mind. Whether it’s a medical school admissions committee, a scholarship board, or a research grant panel, understanding what the reader is looking for allows you to highlight the most relevant aspects of your background and goals.

When tailoring your statement, consider the values, goals, and priorities of the institution or organization you’re applying to. For instance, if you’re applying to a program known for its emphasis on research, you should highlight your research experiences and how they align with the program’s focus. Similarly, if a scholarship emphasizes community service, be sure to showcase your involvement in that area. By aligning your statement with the expectations of the reader, you increase your chances of making a positive impression.

Reflective and forward-looking

An effective personal statement strikes a balance between reflecting on past experiences and looking forward to future aspirations. In the examples we reviewed, each applicant thoughtfully reflects on their past, discussing how their experiences have shaped their character, skills, and goals. At the same time, they also focus on their future, outlining their ambitions and how the opportunity they’re applying for will help them achieve those goals.

This balance is important because it shows that you are not only aware of where you come from but also where you are going. Reflecting on past experiences demonstrates self-awareness and the ability to learn from your journey, while looking forward showcases your vision and ambition. Together, these elements create a narrative that is both grounded in reality and aspirational, which is compelling to any reader.

How long should your personal statement be?

The ideal length for a personal statement can vary depending on the specific application and its requirements. Always check the specific guidelines provided by the institution or organization, as they may have their own word limits or format requirements.

Here’s a general guide for different scenarios:

University Application:

• Undergraduate Applications : Typically, 500–650 words (approximately 1–2 pages). This is the standard length for many college applications, including those submitted through the Common Application.
• Graduate Applications : Usually 500–1,000 words (1–2 pages). Some programs may allow slightly longer statements, especially for research-heavy or professional degrees.

Scholarship Application :

• General Scholarships : Generally, 500–750 words (1–1.5 pages). Scholarships often require concise personal statements that clearly convey your goals and qualifications.
• Specific or Competitive Scholarships : May require 750–1,000 words (1.5–2 pages), especially if the scholarship is highly competitive or if it asks for a detailed explanation of your background and ambitions.

Grant Application:

• Research Grants : Often require more detailed statements, typically 1,000–1,500 words (2–3 pages). This allows for a thorough discussion of your research interests, methodology, and how the grant will support your work.
• Smaller Grants or Fellowships : May ask for 500–1,000 words (1–2 pages), depending on the nature of the grant and the amount of funding.

Job Application:

• Cover Letter/Personal Statement : Typically, 250–500 words (0.5–1 page). In job applications, candidates frequently include personal statements as part of the cover letter. Your personal statement should be concise and focused on showcasing your skills, experience, and how they align with the job you’re applying for.

What time of the year are personal statements needed for college and university?

During the application season, college and university applications in the United States typically require students to submit personal statements. Most colleges and universities have application deadlines in the fall or early winter. Personal statements are usually needed by November for Early Decision or Early Action applications and by January for Regular Decision applications. Some institutions may also have deadlines in December or February.

Here’s a more detailed breakdown:

• August: The Common Application (used by many colleges and universities) usually opens on August 1st. This marks the unofficial start of the college application season. Students can begin filling out their applications and drafting their personal statements.
• September to November: During these months, students are usually finalizing their applications. Early Decision and Early Action deadlines often fall in November, with some as early as October 15th. This is a critical period for students who want to apply early to increase their chances of admission or to receive earlier decisions.
• December to January: This is when the Regular Decision deadlines typically fall, with many colleges having deadlines on January 1st or January 15th. Some schools have deadlines in December or February, but January is the most common.
• February to March: Some schools with later deadlines may accept applications during this time. Additionally, students applying to certain programs, such as fine arts or international students, might have deadlines that extend into the early spring.

So, while the college application season mostly occurs from August to January of a student’s senior year, the actual transition to college happens after graduation, with the new school year starting in late summer or early fall.

Crafting a personal statement that works

As you begin drafting your personal statement, remember that your unique story is your greatest asset. Be authentic, honest, and reflective in your writing. Show your personality without being afraid, and ensure that you structure your statement well and tailor it to your audience. Most importantly, approach the process with confidence, knowing that you have the tools and insights to create a personal statement that truly represents who you are and what you aim to achieve.

Now that you have a solid understanding of what makes a personal statement effective, it’s time to start writing your own.

Sara has been in the career development field for over 10 years and has a wealth of knowledge to share. She covers topics such as resume writing, job search strategies, interview techniques, career planning, and more. You can connect with her on LinkedIn . She has curated our free downloadable resume templates for Word  and  resume templates for Google Docs .

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Personal Statements: Examples, Do's and Don'ts

As the name suggests, a personal statement is unique to everyone, but that does not mean there are not specific personal statement rules and guidelines to follow. Being able to quickly showcase your skills, personality and job fit can be challenging, so we are here to shed some light on structuring a personal statement that’ll make you stand out from the crowd. 

In this guide, we will be looking at how to write a personal statement and the do’s and don’ts. By the end, you should have a better idea of how to structure a personal statement and impress your potential new employers.

💡 Note: We will be covering professional personal statements and not personal statements for University admissions in this article.

What is a personal statement?

Often confused with a cover letter or supporting statement, a personal statement is a small section on various forms of CVs. A personal statement is often no more than a few sentences where you can quickly summarise your skills, experience and job fit into a bitesize paragraph. 

A personal statement gives you the opportunity to briefly sell yourself to your potential employer and showcase why you are the best candidate for the role. It is important to note that not all employers will require a personal statement, but if done correctly they can help set you apart from other applicants. 

What makes a good personal statement? 

As a personal statement is essentially a summary of the rest of your CV and you as a person, you want to ensure you list all the most important things from your CV that are the most relevant to the job you are applying for. You should never use the same personal statement, when applying for multiple jobs you can use a similar statement for each, but it should be tailored to each individual role if possible. 

How to start a personal statement 

Start your personal statement by introducing yourself and set the tone for the rest of your personal statement.

You want to capture the employer’s interest and summarise exactly why you are a perfect fit for the role. Most personal statement examples start with saying the role you are currently in, how much industry experience you have and key achievements or relevant skills and statistics. 

How to finish a personal statement 

A good way to finish your personal statement is to summarise your overall goal or aim when moving forwards towards this job and your career.  This means you have spoken about the past, present and future, in just a few lines and gives the employer a good idea of you and your potential. 

How to finish a personal statement can vary from role to role, but this is a good rule of thumb and will stand you in good stead, as with any application, tailor it to the job, some may call for this, some may not.

Personal statement do’s

• Tailor your personal statement - utilise the job description to help you highlight exactly what the employer is looking for, highlight the skills and experience it calls for. The job description is the blueprint to your personal statement for that role, so try and signpost your abilities from the exact things the employer is looking for.
• Be concise - ensure that you keep your personal statement short and relevant, aim for the maximum of a few lines or around 200 words at most. Find the most important and relevant things that you can say within that word count.
• Highlight you - candidates have a habit of being too generic and not showcasing themselves, it is called a personal statement, so keep it personal to you. Personal does not mean talking about your dog though, but how you personally can succeed at this job.
• Include tangibles - always try to give additional details that add value to your application, for instance, quantifying something always makes it sound better. ‘Increased sales by 35%’ sounds better than just saying ‘increased sales’.
• Hit key points - a good personal statement will be able to give the employer a quick summary of you and entice them to read more or move you forward to the interview stage.
• Get a second opinion - having someone else read over your personal statement can be a real help, they may spot something you haven’t or not understand something the way you had intended. This will help improve your finished personal statement.  

Personal statement don’ts

• Use the same wording - you can actually hurt your own chances if you use an overly generic personal statement. You want to show that you have put effort into your application and impress the employer.
• Make it too long - candidates will often confuse their personal statement with a cover letter, this is a short rundown of you, focus on skills, successes, and statistics, things that can be quickly digested. Grab their attention with your personal statement, but do not bore them with an essay.
• Go too personal - this may sound strange, but remember you are writing a professional application, and not setting up a dating profile. Focus on what you can bring to the company, and how your skills would be perfect for the role.
• Send off your first draft - always read over your personal statement a few times to make sure it flows right and rolls off the tongue. Having a spelling or grammar mistake can ruin your chances of getting the job.
• Be too broad - showing that you understood the job description and are a good candidate for the role can be evident if you have a good personal statement, but being too broad will make you look like you copy and pasted the same response to 20 applications.

What next? 

Now you have a better understanding on how to structure your personal statement to increase your chances of getting your new role, you want to start your job search . Currently at Michael Page, we have over 10,000 live jobs on the site so submit your CV today to become discoverable for new roles added in your industry. 

For more CV and cover letter advice , read through our collective library of articles that’ll help you create a winning CV. 

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Personal Statement Examples That Will Get You Writing

Whether you're aiming for a job, university program, or scholarship, the value of an effective personal statement is vital to success. However, writing a personal statement that will make your application stand out can be challenging.

This post will help you put your best foot forward by providing examples and tips for crafting your personal statement. By the end, you will be able to write a standout personal statement with confidence.

What is a personal statement?

A personal statement is a written document that gives an overview of who you are, your experiences, achievements, and goals. It is typically required as part of a job, university program, or scholarship application. The purpose of a personal statement is to convince the reader that you are the right candidate for the opportunity by showcasing your strengths, experiences, and aspirations.

The content of a personal statement will vary depending on the context. Still, it generally includes information about your educational and professional background, achievements and accomplishments, skills and strengths, and goals and aspirations. It is an opportunity to highlight your unique qualities and what sets you apart from other applicants.

Personal statements are often limited to a certain word count or page limit, so it is important to be concise and focus on the most relevant information. Additionally, it is important to tailor your statement to the specific opportunity you are applying for, highlighting the skills and experiences most relevant to the role or program.

A well-crafted personal statement can be a powerful tool in the application process, demonstrating your passion, motivation, and suitability for the opportunity.

There are several reasons why you may need to write a personal statement:

• To apply for a job A personal statement is often required as part of a job application, allowing candidates to showcase their skills, experience, and personality to potential employers.
• To apply to a university Universities often require a personal statement as part of the application process, which allows the applicant to demonstrate their suitability for the program, their passion for the subject, and their goals for the future.
• To apply for a scholarship Personal statements are often required for scholarship applications. They allow the applicant to explain why they deserve the scholarship and how they plan to use it to achieve their goals.
• To promote oneself Personal statements can be used to promote oneself as an expert in a particular field or to showcase one's achievements and experience to a wider audience.

In all of these cases, a personal statement can effectively communicate your strengths and goals and make a compelling case for why you are the right candidate for a particular opportunity.

Why are personal statements important?

Crafting a killer personal statement can elevate your application to new heights! It can set you apart from the crowd and is a powerful tool to showcase your strengths, passion, and unique experiences. By weaving a compelling story about yourself, you help the reader understand what makes you tick and how you are prepared for the opportunity.

Beyond this, a captivating personal statement can provide valuable insights into your personality and values, making you an even more attractive candidate to employers and admissions officers. Trust us - a powerful personal statement is a game-changer for any successful application!

Personal statement examples

It's important to understand what to include in each personal statement. Here are some examples to consider:

Personal statement for a university application

As a passionate programmer and creative problem-solver, I am eager to pursue a degree in computer science and unleash the endless possibilities it offers me. Through this degree, I can acquire the skills and knowledge that will allow me to create meaningful solutions to real-world problems, something I strive for each day. With great excitement, I look forward to furthering my expertise in this field in a university setting and exploring the exciting opportunities ahead.

In high school, I was a dedicated student who took the initiative and maintained a strong work ethic. I earned high grades and actively participated in extracurricular activities such as the Computer Science Club and Robotics Team. My ambition has been to use my knowledge and skills to help build a better future. That is why I am confident that pursuing a career in computer science is the right decision for me.

Personal statement for job application

As a highly motivated and results-oriented professional, I am eager to contribute my skills and experience to an organization that values innovation and teamwork. Throughout my career, I have developed a reputation for being a problem-solver and effective communicator, with a keen eye for detail and the ability to work under pressure.

I have experience leading teams and coordinating tasks to ensure successful outcomes. Additionally, my communication skills enable me to effectively interact with colleagues, vendors, and customers to ensure that projects are completed on time. I am confident that my passion for my work and dedication to excellence will make me a valuable asset to any team.

Personal statement for scholarship application

Receiving this scholarship would be a life-changing opportunity for me. As a first-generation college student, I have faced many obstacles in pursuing my education, but I have never let these challenges hold me back. When my parents told me they could not help pay for my college tuition, I felt a wave of uncertainty wash over me. But I quickly realized that if I worked hard enough and never gave up, I could make my dreams come true.

With this scholarship, I can continue my studies and achieve my goals, including becoming a role model for other students in my community. I am committed to giving back to my community and using my education to impact the world positively.

Tips for crafting a personal statement

While crafting a standout personal statement can seem daunting, with the right guidance, you can create a compelling document that showcases your unique qualities and sets you apart from other applicants. This section will provide tips and strategies to help you write a powerful personal statement that effectively communicates your skills, experiences, and aspirations.

From tailoring your statement to the opportunity to using specific examples and demonstrating authenticity, these tips will help you create a personal statement that makes a lasting impression.

Here are some tips for writing a strong personal statement:

• Research: Before writing your personal statement, research the opportunity you are applying for. This will help you to understand the requirements and tailor your statement to the specific role or program.
• Be concise: Personal statements are often limited to a certain word count or page limit, so it is important to be concise and focus on the most relevant information. Ensure each sentence and paragraph adds value and contributes to your overall message.
• Use specific examples: Specific examples can be used to illustrate your skills and experiences. This will help to bring your statement to life and provide evidence to support your claims.
• Tailor your statement: Tailor your statement to the specific role or program. Highlight the skills and experiences that are most relevant to the opportunity and demonstrate how they make you a strong candidate.
• Show, don't tell: Instead of stating that you are a good fit for the opportunity, provide specific examples and evidence to tangibly demonstrate your skills and experience.
• Be authentic: Be true to yourself and your experiences. Your statement should reflect your personality, values, and motivations and provide insight into who you are.
• Proofread and edit: Finally, proofread and edit your statement carefully. Check for spelling and grammar errors, and make sure your message is clear and concise. A well-written and error-free personal statement can make all the difference in a competitive application process.

By following these tips, you can create a personal statement that effectively showcases your strengths and makes a compelling case for why you are the ideal candidate for the opportunity. Remember to tailor your statement to the specific requirements of the opportunity, use specific examples to illustrate your achievements and experiences, and be authentic to yourself. With these tips in mind, you'll be well on your way to crafting a powerful personal statement that will help you stand out from the competition.

Unlock your future

Writing a personal statement can be challenging, but it can also be a rewarding experience with the right approach. A well-crafted personal statement can be the key to unlocking exciting new opportunities, whether it's a job, a university program, or a scholarship. Following the tips outlined in this blog post, you can create a personal statement that showcases your strengths, experiences, and aspirations and demonstrates why you are the ideal candidate for the opportunity. Good luck!

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Last updated August 7, 2024

Every piece we write is researched and vetted by a former admissions officer. Read about our mission to pull back the admissions curtain.

Blog > Common App , Essay Examples , Personal Statement > 16 Amazing Personal Statement Examples (2024 Update)

16 Amazing Personal Statement Examples (2024 Update)

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Kylie Kistner, MA Former Willamette University Admissions

Key Takeaway

What’s that old saying? “The best way to learn is by doing.” Well, we believe that, in personal statements and in life, cliches like this should be avoided. That's why we recommend reading some example essays before you start writing your own.

Now, before we get into our examples, we should quickly talk about what admissions officers look for in personal statements in the first place.

What does an admissions officer look for in a personal statement?

Before we get to the essays, let’s briefly walk through what goes through an admissions officer’s head when they open an application.

Admissions officers (AOs) read hundreds to thousands of applications in a single year. Different institutions require admissions officers to use different criteria when evaluating applications, so the specifics will vary by school. Your entire application should cohere to form a seamless narrative . You'll be crafting that narrative across the following categories:

• Transcripts and course rigor : AOs look at the classes you’ve taken to assess how much you’ve challenged yourself based on the classes your school offers. They’re also looking at how well you've done in these classes each term.
• Extracurricular activities : When reading through your activities list, AOs look at the activities you’ve done, how many years you’ve participated in them, and how many hours a week you devote to them. They’re assessing your activities for the levels of magnitude, impact, and reach that they demonstrate. (Want to know more about these terms? Check out our extracurricular impact post .)
• Background information : This background information briefly tells admissions officers about demographic and family information, your school context, and any honors or awards you’ve received.
• Letters of recommendation : Letters of recommendation give AOs insight into who you are in the classroom.
• Essays : And, finally, the essays. Whether you’re writing a personal statement or a supplemental essay , essays are the main place AOs get to hear your voice and learn more about you. Your personal statement in particular is the place where you get to lay out your overall application narrative and say something meaningful about your personal strengths.

So, with all that in mind, what does an admissions officer actually look for when reading your personal statement?

A few traits tend to surface across the best personal statements, no matter the topic or format. There are four primary areas you should focus on as you craft your personal statement.

• Strengths : AOs want to know about your strengths. That doesn’t mean bragging about your accomplishments, but it does mean writing about a topic that lets you showcase something positive about yourself.
• Personal meaning : Personal statements shouldn’t be fluff. They shouldn’t be history essays. They should be personal essays that ooze meaning. The topic you choose should show something significant about yourself that the admissions officers won’t get from any other part of your application.
• Authenticity and vulnerability : These characteristics can be the most difficult to achieve. Being “vulnerable” doesn’t mean airing all your dirty laundry. It means revealing something authentic and meaningful about who you are. To be vulnerable means to go beyond the surface level to put yourself out there, even to admissions officers who you’ve never met.
• Clear organization and writing : And lastly, admissions officers also want your essay to be organized clearly so it’s easy to follow along. Remember that admissions officers are reading lots of applications, even in one sitting. So you want to make your reader’s job as easy as possible. Thoughtful and skillful writing can also help take your personal statement to the next level.

If you want to know more about how to incorporate these traits into your own essay, we have a whole guide about how to write the perfect personal statement .

But for now, let’s get into the examples.

We’ve broken up the example personal statements into three categories: best personal statement examples, good personal statement examples, and “bad” personal statement examples. These categories show you that there is a spectrum of what personal statements can look like. The best examples are the gold standard. They meet or exceed all four of the main criteria admissions officers are looking for. The good examples are just that: good. They’re solid examples that may be lacking in a specific area but are still effective personal statements. The “bad” examples are those that don’t yet stack up to the expectations of a personal statement. They’re not objectively bad, but they need some specific improvements to align with what admissions officers are looking for.

Here we go!

The Best Personal Statement Examples

Writing an exceptional personal statement takes a lot of time and effort. Even the best writers can find the genre challenging. But when you strike the perfect chord and get it right, it’s almost like magic. Your essay jumps off the page and captures an admissions officer’s attention. They feel like you’re right there with them, telling them everything they need to know to vote “yes” on your admission.

The following essays are some of our favorites. They cover a range of topics, styles, and student backgrounds. But they all tell meaningful stories about the writers’ lives. They are well-organized, use vivid language, and speak to the writers’ strengths.

For each essay, our team of former admissions officers have offered comments about what makes the essay exceptional. Take a look through the annotations and feedback to see what lessons you can apply to your own personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #1: Reinvention

For our first example, which we’ve titled “Reinvention,” we’re going to watch Alex break the essay down paragraph by paragraph. This one’s really good. Let’s take a look.

As Alex explains, this essay takes a couple of (very beautiful!) paragraphs to get to its central message: reinvention. Once we reach that turning point, the writer seamlessly introduces us to their engineering interests, then returns again to their mother’s influence. The metaphor of “watermelon rinds” ties everything together. The writer comes across as a clever, thoughtful person—one we would surely want on our campus.

(Want to see more video examples and get personalized application and essay help? Let’s work together. )

Personal Statement Example #2: Thankful

My family has always been broke. Saturday mornings and Thursday evenings, always the same drill: the kids (my brothers and me) would be loaded in the car with my parents and off we’d all go to the food pantry. New clothes were few and far between, and going on vacation was something that we could only dream of. Despite our financial struggles, one year, my parents decided to surprise us with a trip to Disney Land. It was a complete shock to me and my siblings. We were over the moon. In fact, the screams of excitement that emanated from my younger brother’s mouth still ring in my ears.

But as the trip drew close, my excitement tempered and I began to worry. Being poor when you’re young doesn’t just affect you materially. It also affects how you see the world and loads you up with a whole range of anxieties that, in an ideal world, no child should have to face. How were my parents going to afford this, I wondered? Would an expense like this push us over the brink?(( The beginning of this essay, and especially this sentence, show the writer’s empathy. They are not selfish; they understand their broader family context and take that into consideration.)) I didn't want to ruin the surprise by asking, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread building inside of me.

The day of our trip arrived and we set off for the airport. In the car, my dad made an off-the-cuff comment about a new video game that he’d wanted to play but didn’t buy, and everything clicked—my parents had made the trip possible by saving for months, cutting back on expenses and sacrificing their own comforts to make the trip happen.

As we boarded the plane, I was filled with a mix of emotions. I was grateful beyond words for my parents' sacrifice, but I was also overwhelmed by the guilt of knowing that they had given up so much for us. I didn't know how to express my gratitude; when we deplaned in LAX, I gave my mom and dad a rib-crushing hug.

The trip itself was everything that I had dreamed of and more. We spent four magical days at Disney Land(( Nice use of vivid details here. The reader can picture the sights and smells of Disney—and the ensuing hunger when passing a churro stand.)) , speed running the roller coasters and campy boat rides from the 70s. Sure, we packed our own food and walked right by the churro stands with a hungry look in our eyes. But I will never forget the feeling of unmitigated joy that my family shared on that trip, the smiles that painted my parents’ faces.

But the trip itself was nothing compared to the gratitude I felt for my parents(( Here, the writer transitions to reintroducing the theme of gratitude.)) . They had given us the gift of a lifetime, and I knew that I would never be able to repay them for their sacrifice.

In the years since that trip, I have carried that feeling of gratitude with me. It has motivated me to work hard and to always strive to be the best person that I can be. I want to make my parents proud and to show them that their sacrifice was worth it(( Finally, the writer sums things up with an eye to the future. It’s helpful for an admission officer to picture what the essay’s lessons might mean for the student as a future community member.)) .

I will never be able to fully express my gratitude for what my parents did for us, but I will always remember their selflessness and their willingness to put their own needs aside for the sake of our happiness. It was a truly surprising and incredible act of love, and one that I will always be thankful for.

AO Notes on Thankful

This essay accomplishes a few things even though it essentially tells one story and offers a quick reflection. It gives some important context regarding the challenges of being from a lower-income family. It does that in a way that is authentic, rather than problem-focused. It also shows that the writer is empathetic, family-oriented, and reflective.

Why this essay stands out:

• Vulnerability : This essay is upfront about a challenging topic: financial insecurity. While you don’t have to tell your most difficult challenge in an essay, this writer chose to write about a circumstance that gives additional context that may be helpful as admissions considers their application.
• Personal : The writer gets into some family dynamics and paints a picture of how their family treats and takes care of each other.
• Values: We clearly see some values the writer has and that they don’t take their parents’ sacrifices for granted. As an admission officer, I can picture this student using their education to give back—to their family or to others.

Personal Statement Example #3: Pickleball

I’ve always been one to have a good attitude no matter the circumstances. Except when it comes to exercise. From dodgeball in PE class to family Turkey Trots, I’m always the first one out and the last one across the finish line. These realities aren’t from a lack of skill—I’m actually quite coordinated and fast. They are from a lack of effort(( This is a quick hit of… either humor or vulnerability. I chuckled at the blunt honesty, and am intrigued to learn more.)) . Despite my best intentions, I can never get myself to care about sports or competitions. So when my dad first asked me to be his pickleball partner last summer, I did nothing but laugh.

But soon, I realized that he was serious. My dad started playing pickleball two years ago as a fun way to exercise. He’d become a star in our city’s recreation league, and I always enjoyed cheering him on from the sidelines. When his doubles partner got relocated for work, my dad decided that the disruption was a good opportunity for us bond through pickleball. Even though I was mortified by the thought of running back and forth to hit a bouncing ball, I reluctantly agreed.

The next Saturday morning, we went to the court for our first practice. I was wearing sweatpants, an old sweatshirt, and a grimace. My dad showed me how to hold the paddle, serve, and return the ball to our opponents. He told me about staying out of the kitchen—an endearing pickleball term that references the “kitchen,” or the middle part of the court—trying to make me laugh. Instead, I sighed impatiently and walked to my end of the court, ready to get it over with.

My dad remained patient in spite of my bad attitude. He gently served me the ball, and I gave a lackluster attempt to return it. The ball bounced into the net. I hadn’t even made it to his side of the court. Trying his best to encourage me, my dad gave me the ball so I could serve it to him instead. I tossed the ball up and hit it underhand toward my dad. It hit the net again. I tried again and again, each attempt with less care than the last. I grew frustrated and threw my paddle down in anger(( Okay, this paragraph gives a good dose of openness to the emotions of the writer. They’ve served up an opportunity to learn a lesson soon…)) .

After seeing my mini-meltdown, my dad crossed the kitchen to talk to me. During our conversation, I began to ask myself why I got so frustrated when I wasn’t trying very hard in the first place. I thought pickleball was a miserable sport, but I realized that it wasn’t pickleball that I cared about. I cared about my dad. I wanted to make him proud(( Ah, and there it is! A realization. As the admission officer I’m thinking, “Go on…”)) . Playing pickleball with him was the least I could do to thank him for everything he’d done for me. I dusted off my bad attitude alongside my paddle, and I got up to try another serve.

That serve hit the net again. But more determined now, I kept trying until my serves went over the net and through my dad’s weak side. I couldn’t believe it. My attitude adjustment helped me see the game for what it was: a game. It wasn’t supposed to be agonizing or cruel. It was supposed to be fun.

I learned that my attitude towards sports was unacceptable. This experience taught me that it’s okay to have preferences about what you enjoy, but it’s important to always maintain a positive attitude(( And the lesson learned! )) . You may just enjoy it after all.

Now my dad and I are both stars in our recreation league. Soon, we will make our way to our league’s semi-finals. We’ve worked our way through the bracket and are close to the championship. What I appreciate more about this experience, however, is how close it’s brought my dad and I together. His patience, positivity, and persistence have and will always inspire me. I want to be more like him every day, especially on the pickleball court.

AO Notes on Pickleball

This is a strong “attitude adjustment” essay, a bit of a remix of a challenge essay. The challenge, in this case, was a fixed mindset about sports that needed to be adjusted. The writer takes us on a witty journey through their own attitude towards organized athletic activities and their father.

• Self-aware : Similar to the vulnerability of other essays, this writer is willing to criticize themselves by recognizing that they need an attitude adjustment. Even before they changed their attitude, we get the sense that they are at least aware of their own lack of effort.
• Strong conclusion : We see a nice lesson at the end that relates both to having an open mind and caring for others. They even make a point about simply enjoying things because they are fun.
• Life lesson : Beyond the stated lesson, as an admission officer with a few more years on this Earth than the writer, I can tell this lesson will apply beyond sports. In fact, I can easily picture this student trying a new class, club, or group of friends in college because they are now more open to novel experiences.

Personal Statement Example #4: The Bird Watcher

I’m an avid walker and bird watcher(( Okay, the writer gets right into it! I think this simple introduction of the topic works well because they are writing about a less common hobby among teenagers. If they had said “I am an avid baseball player”, I would have been less eager to learn more.)) . Growing up, I’d clear my head by walking along the trail in the woods behind my house. By the time I was immersed in the chaos of high school, these walks became an afternoon routine. Now, every day at three o’clock, I don my jacket and hiking shoes and set off. As I walk, I note the flora and fauna around me. The wind whispering through the trees, the quiet rustling of a chipmunk underfoot, and the high-pitched call of robins perched atop branches, all of it brings me back to life after a difficult day.

And recently, the days have been more difficult than not. My grandparents passing, parents divorcing, and doctor diagnosing me with ADHD have presented me with more challenges than I’ve ever experienced before. But no matter what’s going on in my life, the wildlife on my walks brings me peace. As an aspiring ornithologist, the birds are my favorite(( This paragraph accomplishes a lot: a montage of difficult circumstances, context for their application, and declares their future career.)) .

I became interested in ornithology during long childhood afternoons spent at my grandparents’ house. They would watch me while my parents finished up work. I’d listen to the old bird clock that hung on the wall in the kitchen. Each number on the clock corresponded with a different bird. Every hour, the clock would chirp rather than chime. When the cardinal sang, I knew my parents would be arriving soon. Those chirps are all seared into my memory.

Twelve o’clock: robin. The short, fast, almost laugh-like sound of the robin always makes me hungry. All those Saturday afternoons filled with laughter and good food have resulted in a Pavlovian response. I’d cook meatballs with my grandma, splashing sauce on her floral wall paper. We’d laugh and laugh and enjoy the meal together at her plastic-covered kitchen table. This wasn’t my home, but I felt at home just the same.

Three o’clock: blue jay. It’d chime as soon as we walked in the door after school. The blue jay was my grandpa’s favorite. It was also mine. Why he loved it, I’m not completely sure. But it was my favorite because it marked the beginning of the best parts of my day. Symbolizing strength and confidence, blue jays always remind me of my grandpa.

Six o’clock: cardinal. The sharp whistle and staccato of the cardinal indicated that it was almost time for me to leave. Like the whistle of a closing shift, I’d hear it and start to pack my things. The cardinal has always been my least favorite.

Nine o’clock: house finch. The high, sweet, almost inquisitive call of the house finch was the one my grandma loved most. It was also the one I rarely heard. Either too early or too late in the day, the house finch was reserved for the occasional weekends when I’d spend the night at their house. My grandma would explain that finches symbolize harmony and peace. They are petite but mighty, just like she was(( This is a clever and sweet way of describing summer days with grandparents, while sprinkling in some vivid details to bring the story to life.)) .

This past weekend was the anniversary of my grandpa’s passing. Longing for my grandparents, I went for a walk. Winter is approaching, so the sky was darkening quickly. I walked slowly. As the sun set, I heard the tell-tale squawk of a blue jay, loud and piercing through the chill of the wind. I looked around and saw it sitting on an old stump, a small house finch behind it. I extracted my binoculars from my backpack, hoping to get a better glimpse through the dark. I turned the dial to focus the lenses, just as the birds flew away together. I took a deep breath, binoculars in hand, and continued on, spotting a robin in the distance(( The ending stylistically wraps the essay up without tying a bow on it. It’s a more artful way of concluding, and it works well here.)) .

AO Notes on Birdwatcher

This first two paragraphs are well-written and fairly to-the-point in their language. They do a nice job of setting the scene, but the third paragraph transitions into the writer’s distinctive voice. They detail the birds on the clock to chronicle the hours of their summer days and end, not without concluding, but leaving the reader wanting to read more of their stories.

• Voice: The writer transitions to writing in their own distinct voice, which comes to a crescendo in the final paragraph.
• Interesting approach: Sometimes students use an approach to tell a story that feels overly forced or cliche. This one feels organic and relates nicely to the writer, their family, and the story as a whole.
• Career path : This is far from a “What I want to be when I grow up” essay, but it clearly shows an academic interest grounded in family and childhood memories. This is an artistic and beautiful approach to showing admissions how the writer may use their college education.

Personal Statement Example #5: Chekov’s Wig

At the age of six, I starred in an at-home, one-woman production of Annie. My family watched as I switched between a wig I’d fashioned from maroon yarn, a dog’s tail leftover from Halloween, and a tie I’d stolen from my dad.

When the reveal came that Annie’s parents had actually passed away, I took a creative liberty: they had left Annie a small unicorn farm. The rest of the play proceeded as normal. When the curtain closed, I bowed to the sound of my family’s applause. But one set of hands was missing: my grandmother’s. Instead she sat, arms raised, and jokingly exclaimed, “But what about the unicorns?”(( Wow, an interesting intro! We see creativity and a silly side to the writer. As the admission officer, I’m eager to see where this leads.))

My grandma, an avid thespian, taught me a lot about life. But one of the most important lessons followed this production of Annie . After we laughed about her remark, she introduced me to the concept of Chekov’s gun. For Anton Chekov, brilliant playwright, the theory goes something like this: a writer shouldn’t write about a loaded gun if it’s not going to be fired. In other words, writers shouldn’t include details about something if it won’t serve a purpose in the story later. My unicorn farm had committed this writing faux pas egregiously.

I’m not a natural writer, and I have no goal to become one, but I’ve taken this concept of Chekov’s gun to heart—it forms the foundation of my life philosophy. I don’t believe that everything was meant to be(( This philosophical reflection is a nice introduction to the paragraphs that follow. )) . In fact, I think that sometimes bad things just happen. But I believe that these details will always play a part in our larger story.

The first test of my Chekov’s gun philosophy occurred shortly after Annie when my grandma, my biggest supporter, passed away. My family tried to console me saying that “it was her time to go,” but I disagreed. I couldn’t see how a death could be destined. Instead, I found comfort knowing that her presence, her support, and her death wasn’t for nothing. Like Chekov’s gun, I wasn’t quite sure how or why, but I knew that she would return for me.

As I grew older, my philosophy was tested time and again. Most recently, I fell back on Chekov’s gun as I coped with my parents’ divorce and my subsequent move to a new town. Both events shattered my world. My happy family theatre productions turned into custody hearings and overnight bags. The community I’d found at my old school became a sea of unfamiliar faces at my new one. None of this was meant to be. But as the writer of my own life, I won’t let the details become inconsequential.

I’ve used these events as plot points in my high school experience. Dealing with my parents’ divorce has taught me how to make the best of what’s given to me. I got the chance to decorate two bedrooms, live in both the suburbs and the city, and even have twice the amount of pets. And without the inciting incident of the divorce and move(( We see that the writer is able to make lemonade out of lemons here.)) , I never would have joined a new drama club or landed leading roles in Mama Mia and Twelfth Night. The divorce and move, like Chekov’s gun, have been crucial details in getting me where I’m at today.

I know that Chekov’s gun is more about the details in a story, but this philosophy empowers me to take what happens, the good and the bad, as part of my personal character development. Nothing would be happening if it weren’t important.

This summer, as we cleaned our garage in preparation for yet another move, I found my old Annie wig, yarn tangled from the box. Next to the wig was a note, handwritten in a script I’d recognize anywhere. My darling star, it read. You are going to go on to do great things. Love, Grandma ((And a sweet, or bittersweet, conclusion.)) .

AO Notes on Chekov’s Wig

This essay tells a beautiful story about a foundational philosophy in this young writer’s life. As their admission officer, I can see how grounded and positive they are. I can also imagine them taking this lesson to college: really paying attention to life, reflecting on the past, and understanding the value of even the smallest instances. There is an inherent maturity in this essay.

• Creativity: From the first few sentences, we can see that this student is now, and was as a child, creative. An original thinker.
• Reflective: When challenged by their grandmother, the writer didn’t insist that their way was correct. They took the criticism in stride and absorbed it as a salient life lesson. This shows open-mindedness and an uncommon level of maturity.
• Silver linings: It’s clear that this young writer has had some familial challenges that are likely familiar to some of you. They don’t gloss over them, but instead they learn from them. From having more pets to starring in the school musicals, there are lessons to glean from even life’s more difficult challenges.

Personal Statement Example #6: An Afternoon with Grandmother

The Buddhist temple on the hillside above my home has always possessed a deep power for me. With its towering spires and intricate carvings thousands of years old, it is a place of peace and serenity(( This writer opens with some wonderful imagery. I like how the imagery mirrors the meaning.)) —somewhere I can go to escape the chaos of the world and connect with myself and with my sense of spirituality. When my grandmother called me one January to let me know that she would be coming to visit, I smiled, my mind darting immediately to the temple and to the visit of it we would take together.

My relationship with my grandmother is a special one. After my parents passed away, she and my grandfather raised me for three years before I moved in with my father’s sister. In that time, she was my sole companion; she shared her recipes with me, told me stories, and most importantly, she taught me everything I know about spirituality. We spent countless nights staying up past bed-time, talking about the teachings of the Buddha, and she encouraged me gently to explore my own path to enlightenment(( This topic is accomplishing a lot: we see the writer’s relationship with their grandmother, their personal values, and their ideas about who they want to be in the future.)) .

When my grandmother finally arrived, I felt bathed in a warm glow. After catching up and preparing her favorite meal—red rice with miso soup and hot green tea—I told her about the plans I had for us to visit my special place.

Later that afternoon, as we entered the temple, I felt the calmness and tranquility wash over me. I took my grandmother's hand and led her to the main hall, where we knelt before the altar and began to recite the prayers and mantras that I had learned from her years before.

As we prayed, our voices joined together, echoing throughout the temple. A gentle rain began to fall outside and, as the cold crept around where we knelt, I was engulfed by a deep sense of connection with my grandmother and with the universe. It was as if the barriers between us were falling away, and we were becoming one—with each other, and with our shared connection to the divine.

We finished our prayers and sat in silence, lingering in the serenity of the temple. I could feel my grandmother's hand in mine, and I was filled with a sense of gratitude and love(( A great example of weaving vivid language with explicit reflection!)) .

Spirituality has been essential in my life. It gives me a sense of grounding and purpose, and it teaches me the value of compassion. My spirituality has also given me a way to connect with my grandmother on a deeper level—like a private language that only we speak together. In a world that can often feel chaotic and disconnected, faith and spirituality provide a sense of stability and connection.

As we left the temple, I held my grandmother's hand and felt suffused by a sense of peace and contentment. Too often people who are disconnected from spirituality misunderstand the role it plays in billions of people’s lives. They see it as a way to “check out” from the issues the world faces, ignoring their responsibilities to others. This may be true for others, but not me. Quite the opposite. My spirituality helps me empathize with others(( Wonderful reflection.)) ; it helps me focus on the obligations we each have to every other person and creature on this planet. For me, it is the ultimate way to “check in” to the needs of the world and my community in a way that grounds me emotionally.

Spirituality offers a way to find meaning and purpose in life, and to connect with something greater than ourselves. For that, and for my grandmother, I am truly grateful.

AO Notes on An Afternoon with Grandmother

In this deeply reflective essay, the writer uses spirituality and their relationship with their grandmother to reveal a very personal part of themselves. The writer isn’t afraid to be vulnerable, and they clearly showcase strengths of wisdom and compassion.

• Vivid language: This author is a talented writer who has included a bunch of vivid language. But it’s not over the top. They include just enough to hold a reader’s attention and add some interest.
• Reflection: The reflection throughout this essay is excellent. Notice how it’s not just at the beginning or the end. It’s woven throughout. The writer follows up each major detail with an explanation of why it’s personally meaningful.
• Conclusion: The conclusion combines vivid language and reflection perfectly. By the end of the essay, we know exactly what the writer wants us to take away: spirituality is personally meaningful to them because it helps them connect with the people around them. And I especially like how the writer chose to end on a note of gratitude—always a good value to have in a personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #7: Rosie’s

While most people find their lowest point at rock bottom, I found mine in an Amerikooler DW081677F-8(( We’re definitely off to an odd start. I’m curious where this is headed!)) . With drops rolling down my back and my cheeks, I snuck into the walk-in freezer for a moment of chill.

At that point, I had worked at Rosie's for nearly a year. The job was a good one: it fit with my school schedule, paid well, and introduced me to close friends. But as a workplace, Rosie’s was pure chaos. The original owners passed on a host of problems the new owners were working hard to fix. But the problems ran deep. From an inefficient kitchen organization to a malfunctioning scheduling software, we never knew what to do or when.

The day I found myself in the Amerikooler was the day everything caught up with us(( This is a good transitional phrase that helps readers navigate this fairly complex narrative.)) . An error in our scheduling software led to us operating with only 30% of our typical team. As the only waitress on duty, I ran between the kitchen and the guests, stopping mid-delivery to put new vegetables in the steamers. The kitchen staff were barely getting through each dish before customers lost patience.

Then, in all the commotion, I dropped a plate of macaroni and cheese all over a customer. I apologized over and over again. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I always tried to be one step ahead to give my customers the best service, so my mistake felt like an utter failure. After helping them clean up, I ran immediately to the freezer. I realized that something had to change.

In the Amerikooler, a pea and corn mix cool on my back, I considered my options. The easiest option was to quit. I could find another job, one that didn’t cause me so much stress. But quitting wouldn’t just mean giving up. It would mean accepting my failure. It would also mean abandoning the coworkers I had grown close to. Leaving them would only burden them more. While I knew it wasn’t my job to fix the restaurant, I knew that leaving wasn’t the answer either. Instead, I decided to focus on solutions(( I like the focus on solutions and action steps here!)) . I stood up from the cold, dirty freezer floor, dusted off my work pants, washed my hands, and got back to work.

Despite being the newest and youngest member of the Rosie’s staff, I recognized that I brought a new perspective to the workplace. Having spent the previous three summers scheduling volunteers for my local food drive, I used my organizing experience to devise a new scheduling system, one that didn’t rely on our outdated technology. I brought up the system at our weekly meeting, and after initial pushback, everyone agreed to give it a try. Three months later, my system keeps everyone happy and our kitchen and floor staffed.

But it wasn’t just the staffing problem that was the issue. Our workflows were inefficient, and we didn’t know how to communicate or collaborate effectively. I know that identifying an issue is always the first step to a solution, so I raised the question at our most recent staff meeting. Having earned my coworkers’ and bosses’ trust(( And here we see some good growth and leadership.)) , I led us in outlining a few new processes to streamline our productivity. In stark contrast to the failure I felt after spilling the macaroni and cheese, developing a new workflow with my coworkers made me proud. I hadn’t given in to the chaos, but I had worked thoughtfully and collaboratively to create new solutions.

I’m sure that won’t be my last time working in a disorganized environment or spilling macaroni and cheese. But I know that I’ll be ready to address whatever comes my way.

AO Notes on Rosie’s

If you’ve ever worked in a food establishment, then something in this essay will probably resonate with you. But I appreciate how the writer doesn’t get pulled into the negativity they experience. Instead, they focused their efforts (and their essay) on how they could make things better for everyone. That’s the kind of student admissions officers want to see on their campuses.

• Organization: The writer has to narrate and backtrack a bit at the beginning of the essay to make the introduction work. But it’s not confusing for a reader because they have very solid transitions. I also like how the action steps and reflection are organized in the narrative.
• Positive outlook: As an admissions officer, I would admire this student for their problem-solving skills. Working in that environment was surely tough, but they didn’t give up. They got to work and helped everyone out in the process.
• Humor: From the introduction to the conclusion, the writer incorporates subtle humor throughout. Because of it, we actually feel like we know the writer by the conclusion. Too much humor can overwhelm a personal essay, but just enough can help readers see who the writer really is.

Personal Statement Example #8: Gone Fishing

I pulled the line with my left hand and snapped the rod back with my right. The line split through the air above me like a knife through cake. I rigidly waved my right arm up and down to dry off my fly, which had started sinking from the weight of the water. Ready to cast, I loosened the grip on my left hand to release a few more feet of line, pulled my right arm back in a grandiose motion, and hammered it back down. I expected my line to fly out in front of me, gracefully floating back onto the surface of the water. Instead, I was met with a startling resistance. My fly had lodged itself into the bush behind me(( This opening paragraph has great vivid description. Here, we end on a moment of suspense that has left me intrigued about what will happen next.)) .

Annoyed, I waded through the tall, thick grass, rod under my arm and mosquitoes buzzing in my ears. This was the reality of fly fishing. In my short time as a fisherman, I’d caught far more trees, bushes, and riverweed than I had fish. What seems so elegant in movies like A River Runs Through It is actually a grueling process of trial and error. I took up flyfishing a year ago to conquer my fear of the outdoors(( Ah ha—we learn that this essay isn’t really about fly fishing. It’s about conquering a fear. And with that, we see that the stakes are high.)) . I could have (and probably should have) chosen a more mild activity like hiking or kayaking, but I’ve always been one to take on a challenge.

I had been afraid of the outdoors since childhood. Coming from a family that prefers libraries to parks and bed and breakfasts to tents, I never learned how to appreciate nature. I limited my time outside as much as I could. I feared the bugs, the sun, and the unknown.

I decided to try flyfishing when I realized I didn’t want to be controlled by my fear any longer(( As an AO, I would applaud this student’s bravery.)) . All the birthday parties I’d turned down, the memories that were made without me, I had missed out on so much. Being outside was an integral part of the human experience—or, at least, that’s what I’d been told. Without being willing to enjoy nature, I was missing out on what it meant to be myself.

Soon after this realization, I found an old rod in my grandpa’s garage and took it as a sign from the universe. On my first time out, my Honda Civic lurched over a ditch on the gravel road Google Maps had directed me to. I’d spent hours watching YouTube videos of proper technique. Stepping out of my car, I felt my skin crack under the dry heat, and I wanted to leave. But I continued on, walking through branches and over logs to the riverbank. I was doing it( More vivid detail that really gives us a sense of the writer’s discomfort—yet they’re persisting.)) .

I pushed myself to continue, no matter how uncomfortable I got. I went back, Saturday after Saturday, each time noticing improvements in my abilities. Along the way, I learned to push myself to do things that make me uncomfortable. I saw myself in a new light. I wasn’t Charlie, afraid of the outdoors. I was Charlie, fisherman.

The first time I caught a fish, I could hardly believe it. Thinking I had caught another piece of riverweed, I tugged on my line and rolled my eyes. But suddenly, it started tugging back. It was a sensation I’d never experienced before, one of haste, pride, and panic. I instantly collected myself, bracing against the bank as I secured the line with my finger and slowly pulled the fish ashore. Delicately removing my hook from its mouth, I admired its beauty. Whereas I had once feared creatures like this trout, I now respected it. Its holographic scales glistened in the sunlight. I thanked it for helping me grow, and I placed it back in the water. It swam away. I wiped the slime off my hands and picked up my rod, left hand tugging at the line, right hand snapping back again((This conclusion is quite long, but I really like this poetic ending. It shows so much growth, and there’s a subtle nod to the fact that the writer is continuing to fish.)) .

AO Notes on Gone Fishing

From all this imagery, I really felt like I was fishing alongside them. What’s better, I feel like I really get where this student is coming from because of their vulnerability. They show immense growth and open-mindedness, which is exactly what admissions officers are looking for.

• Imagery: This writer definitely likes creative writing. From the introduction, we can envision ourselves going on this journey with the writer. There is some excellent “show, don’t tell” here.
• Deep personal meaning: Biggest fears are hard to overcome, especially with such a good attitude. It’s clear that this topic is a meaningful one to the writer. Even the act of fly fishing, which they didn’t seem to like much at first, becomes a meaningful act.
• Narrative arc: We have a classic “going on a journey” essay, where the writer transforms on a journey from point A (being afraid of the outdoors) to point B (catching a fish). The writer’s implementation of this structure is excellent, which makes the essay easy to follow.

Good Personal Statement Examples

Even if your essay isn’t worthy of The New Yorker , you can still make your mark on admissions officers. Writing an essay that fulfills all the goals of a personal statement, whether or not it meets every single criterion an admissions officer is looking for, can still get you into a great college.

Most personal statements are good personal statements, so don’t worry if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the amazing essay examples you see online. The key to writing a good personal statement is writing your personal statement. Focus on finding a topic that lets you communicate your own meaning and voice, and you’ll be set.

The following examples are awesome personal statements. There may be a little room for improvement in places, but the essays do exactly what they need to do. And they say a lot about their writers. Let’s see what the writers and admissions officers have to say.

Personal Statement Example #9: Beekeeper’s Club

As I lift the heavy lid of the hive, the hum of thousands of bees fills my ears. I carefully smoke the entrance to calm the bees, and I begin to inspect the frames. The bees are busy at work, collecting nectar and pollen, and tending to their young. I am in awe of their organization.

I never would have thought that I, a high school student, would become a beekeeper(( An interesting hobby for a high school student! I’m intrigued to see where this is going.)) . But now it’s something I can’t imagine my life without.

It all started when I found a beekeeping suit at a garage sale two summers ago. At a mere five dollars, it was yellowing and musty, but it appeared to be fully intact and without any holes. I’ve lived many lives as a hobbyist, always willing to try new things. I’ve been a sailor, a gardener, a basketball player, a harpist, a rock climber, and more. The problem is that I can never manage to see these hobbies through(( I see. Here we get a sense of what’s at stake in this new venture. The problem is that writer can’t seem to hold down a hobby. Will beekeeping solve that problem? Let’s find out .)) . As a perpetual novice, I always lose interest or become overwhelmed by all the information. But that’s never stopped me from taking up a new hobby, so I brought the beekeeping suit to the make-shift register and handed the seller a five-dollar bill.

To embark on my new hobby, I first went to the library and read everything I could find about beekeeping. Research is always my first step when starting something new. I like to know what I’m in for. As I read, I became fascinated by the fact that such small creatures can serve such a critical role on our planet. I learned about the importance of bees for pollinating crops, and I read that their populations have been declining in recent years. I was determined to do my part to help. This wasn’t just a hobby anymore— it was a mission(( And the stakes just got higher.)) .

But like the bees I’d been reading about, I knew I couldn't do it alone. My years of abandoning hobbies had taught me that this time, I needed guidance from someone with experience. I knew the first place to look. At the farmer’s market that Saturday, I went straight to the honey stand and introduced myself. The vendor’s name was Jeremy, and he was excited to see someone so young taking up beekeeping. I asked if I could come see his hives sometime, and he agreed.

I showed up the next weekend with my used beekeeping suit in hand. Jeremy gave me a tour. I was astounded by the simultaneous simplicity and complexity. As the months went by, Jeremy became my mentor. He taught me the importance of monitoring the health of the hive, how to properly harvest honey, and even the ins and outs of the farmer’s market business.

I was grateful for his guidance and friendship. I found myself becoming more and more passionate about bees and the art of beekeeping.

After months of tending to my hive, I finally had it up and running. These bees were in my care(( The writer has shown us that they’ve learned a big lesson from their past failures: they need support and guidance. I’m impressed that this time they are making an intentional change.)) —this was one hobby I couldn’t abandon. With that knowledge and Jeremy’s support, one hive grew to five. I’m not in it for the money or even the honey. I’m in it for the bees, for the millimeter of difference I’m making in their lives and in the life of the earth.

Through beekeeping, I have found a community of people who share my love for bees. Jeremy, the bees, and the entire beekeeping community have taught me not to quit. We support each other, share tips and advice, and work together to help protect these important insects. And in the process, I have learned that I can take up any new hobby I want and stick with it if I just put in enough effort(( Yep—the writer has come out of this journey on the other side, having learned that their effort does pay off.)) .

AO Notes on Beekeeper’s Club

As an admissions officer, it’s always fun to read about students’ eccentric hobbies. I’d count this as one of them. But what’s better than learning about the hobby is seeing a student’s personal growth.

What makes this essay good:

• Personal journey: Most good personal statements show some kind of personal growth. In this case, we see that the writer has grown mature and aware enough to hold down a hobby. We see that it wasn’t an easy road, but they got there.
• Strengths: There are lots of strengths in this personal statement. We see self-awareness, initiative, teamwork, and care for the bees and the planet.
• Reflection: Part of what makes this personal journey so good is that the writer takes us on the journey with them through reflection. At each stage of the journey, we know exactly what the writer is thinking and feeling. By the end, we’re celebrating their success with them.

What the writer could do to level up:

• Personal meaning: Yep, “personal journey” and “personal meaning” can be two separate things. Although the writer goes on a great personal journey, the personal meaning seems to be lacking a bit. It’s clear that this is an important topic to the writer, but it doesn’t exactly come across as an especially vulnerable one. The writer could make it more vulnerable by incorporating more personal meaning into their reflection: what would it have meant if they had quit beekeeping too? What’s the problem with dropping hobbies in the first place? Why is it personally important to learn to stick with things?

Personal Statement Example #10: Ann

Pushing her blonde curls from her forehead, she pursed her lips in focus(( This vivid, detailed description really draws me in.)) . She sat with legs crossed across the kitchen chair. This was it: the moment she’d been preparing for. Her tiny hand gripped the pencil as if it were a stick of dynamite and twitched her fingers up, down, and back again. She looked up at me and smiled, teeth too big for her growing mouth. “Ann,” the paper read. As I glowed back at my mini-me, I saw in her my whole heart(( And here the focus switches from Ann to the writer—an important transition.)) .

My sister was technically an accident, born when I was eleven years old. But I know that, in the grand scheme of things, Ann’s existence was destined by the cosmos. Watching her write was like looking in a mirror. My hair has long since turned brown, but she and I deal with the same unmanageable curls. Her toothy grin developed over five years of mutual laughter. And she got that unwavering focus from watching me do my own homework each night. At the same time I’ve taught her the ways of the world, she’s taught me joy, patience, and persistence(( Lessons learned! This sentence really draws attention to the main theme. It could be a little more specific because “joy, patience, and persistence” are almost cliche.)) .

I had been an only child for my first decade of life. I remember being lonely and without purpose. With Ann came the opportunity to make a real impact on someone, even as a child myself. The night she was born, I vowed to protect her. I had never seen anyone so small and fragile, and I begged my parents to let me hold her. Next to mine, her hand looked like a doll’s. It was purple and pink from the ordeal of birth. Her eyes barely opened, but I couldn’t keep mine off her.

Many older siblings find their younger siblings to be nuisances. But Ann has always been my best friend. Her first two years of life, she struggled with health issues that scared us all. I felt helpless and afraid, but I knew I had to fight alongside her. I did everything I could: I grabbed diapers and bottles for my parents, I talked to her for hours on end, and, when she was old enough, I spoon fed her and encouraged her to eat. As Ann grew bigger and stronger, I grew stronger, too(( It sounds like this was a really difficult challenge for the writer and their family. I appreciate this picture we get of the writer in relation to Ann.)) .

Each year has gotten better than the previous. I was there to catch Ann when she took her first steps, teach her her first words, and get her dressed every day. She tagged behind me as I took photos before my first dance, got my learner’s permit, and went on my college tours. While being a teen with a toddler sibling wasn’t always perfect, Ann’s mere presence makes those around her feel loved and appreciated. She’s exactly who I aspire to be.

Watching her write her name at the kitchen table, I became overwhelmed with the thought of leaving her to head off to college. She still has so much to learn, so many ways to grow. But just as the thought entered my mind, she spoke in her high-pitched and innocent voice. “When you go to college,” she asked, “will you tell me about your classes?” I blinked away the tears gathering in my eyes, smoothed her curls with my hand, and pulled her in close.

Going to college won’t mean leaving Ann. It will mean opening her world—and mine—to endless new knowledge and possibilities. She’ll grow and change, and so will I. When we reunite, we’ll smile our toothy smiles and embrace each other, our curly hair intertwining. We’ll sit at the kitchen table, focused and laughing, like nothing has changed(( I like how the siblings are continuing to grow together, but at the end of the day, they still have their amazing relationship.)) .

AO Notes on Ann

I always find sibling essays like this one so sweet. It’s amazing how clearly we can understand someone solely through their interactions with a loved one. As an admissions officer, I would see that this student would be a great community member (and roommate!).

• Deeply meaningful: Especially with the family context, it’s apparent that this topic is deeply meaningful to the writer. Because it’s so meaningful a topic, the writer is able to show an immense amount of care for Ann without even trying. AOs love seeing traits like care, maturity, and the ability to grow.
• Clear message: Personal statements should have themes that encompass the main message the writer wants to convey. This essay’s message is clear as day: the writer is a better, happier, more generous person because of Ann. They are an awesome sibling.
• More about the self: This one’s tricky because we get an implicit sense of who the writer is now through the overall tone and meaning. But a lot of the personal examples the writer chose are old examples from childhood and early adolescence. Some of those are important to provide family context, but I still would have liked to get a more recent picture of the writer.

Personal Statement Example #11: Running through My Neighborhood

My mind and eyes began to wander as I turned the corner on my fourth mile. I’ve always been a runner. It's a way for me to relax and challenge myself. Running makes me feel like I’m one with the world around me. As I run, I can't help but be struck by the beauty of the buildings and people that make up my city. Each is a work of art—a carefully-crafted expression of my community. With every step, I feel a deep connection to the life around me(( This introduction covers a lot, so this last sentence could be a bit more specific.)) .

On my run, I find myself drawn to the intricate details of the buildings. I admire the way the light catches on centuries-old bricks, casting shadows that dance across the pavement below. I look up at the skyscraper windows that nearly touch the sky, frightened at the sight of window washers. Old and new, the buildings all carry stories.

In the same way, I admire the neighbors around me. I see them feeding pigeons, smiling at me as I pass by. They’re walking dogs and babies, talking on a park bench, and playing hopscotch. I run by them, fast but steady, and breathe it all in. I’m on this beautiful city block, surrounded by people whose whole lives are familiar yet mysterious, and I’m running.

But it's not just the aesthetic beauty of the buildings that grabs my attention. As I run, I find myself thinking about the stories and histories behind each one. I wonder about the people who built them, the families they had at home, the lives they led. I think about the people who have lived and worked in these buildings and the memories that have been made within their walls.

Take the local bakery, for instance. I’ve run by there a thousand times in my life, each time soaking up the smell of freshly-baked bread and pastries. The building seems unassuming at first, with a simple glass door and brick façade. But once you step foot inside, you’re immediately hit with the warmth of the staff and patrons. The old photos on the wall and cozy furniture that has been there since the bakery’s opening back in the 1950s—it feels like home(( These are great vivid details.)) . The bakery is everything I value about my neighborhood. It completely represents what kind of neighbor I want to be. Plus, it’s not a bad place for a post-run snack.

Through my runs, I’ve also made connections with those who frequent the sidewalks alongside me. One of the people I see regularly on my runs is Mrs. Carter, an elderly woman who always has a kind word and a smile for everyone she meets. Her white hair is carefully curled, and her face is dimpled with laugh lines from thousands of conversations like ours. She often stops to chat with me, asking how my day is going and sharing stories from her own life. I always look forward to seeing her. She’s like the grandmother I never had. Mrs. Carter inspires me to be a better community member every day(( This kind of reflection brings the focus back to the writer’s personal journey.)) .

Running through my neighborhood is about more than just staying fit. It’s also about being in community with those around me. As I weave through the people on the sidewalk, I feel as though I am weaving myself through their stories, picking up tidbits and adding them to my own narrative. I wouldn’t be who I am today without these runs that have taught me so much. I can’t wait to run across my college campus, admiring my new surroundings and meeting my new neighbors(( I like this gesture to the future—as an AO, I would start to picture this student running through my campus, too!)) .

AO Notes on Running through My Neighborhood

Running essays can get a bad rap in college admissions. But this one overcomes that stereotype. At its core, this essay is about the runner’s relationship to their community. I really appreciate how much care and enthusiasm this writer shows for those around them.

• Writing: The writer’s voice shines through. They have great vivid descriptions, and we’re really able to envision ourselves in the neighborhood alongside them.
• Personal meaning: The way the writer describes those they encounter in their neighborhood shows that this isn’t a minor part of their life. Their runs are a big deal. The people they see along the way have greatly shaped who they are.
• Greater focus on self: Now, there are much worse culprits when it comes to personal essays that focus on people other than the writer. But the writer does toe the line. Their descriptions mostly focus on those around them, and while there is some reflection that connects their own experience to other people, it doesn’t actually take up much space in the essay. To level up, the writer could make this essay more about themself.

Personal Statement Example #12: Musical Installation Art

As a child, I was always drawn to stringed instruments(( The hook could have more punch, but this gets the job done.)) . I would pluck at my dad's old guitars, create makeshift harps with dental floss, and even play around with the banjo and harp in music class. As I got older, I realized that I wanted to focus on making my own instruments. And where better to start than in my dad's scrapyard? The yard sprawled out for almost five acres behind our house. It was a marvel of junk and oddities, with the accumulated garbage from hundreds of junker cars built up in our backyard. I grew up playing there, leading a childhood that most parents would probably see as reckless—rolling tires through narrow alleyways between crushed cars stacked high. But for me, the backyard was an endless playground for my imagination.

It was there that I discovered the joys of welding and soldering. I would rummage through piles of metal and find pieces that I could fashion into something new. My first sculptures were simple, resembling birds or dogs and pieced together from strips of metal. I’d look for similar art everywhere I went, grasping for inspiration. At a fair one weekend, I saw a booth run by an artist who built guitars. After speaking with him about his art, he asked to see a picture of my sculptures. I showed him and explained that I hoped to make my own instruments one day, too. He scuttled to the back of his tent and returned with a gift: a set of thick copper strings. “Try using those,”(( What an endearing story.)) he told me.

My first sculpture instrument was a crude thing—little more than a board of metal with pegs that I used to pull the copper strings tight. But I tightened them, I was in love—spending all night plucking away. At first, the instrument wailed and screeched. String by string, I delicately tuned the wires into sirens. I had created something that played music, and I was so proud.

My experience building the instrument motivated me to enroll in a sculpture class at the local community college. It was there that I learned how to properly solder metal and create more complex structures. For my final project, I made a three-foot-tall, four-stringed metal instrument in the shape of a dragon.

But as I worked, I started to realize that my dragon wasn't going to be beautiful in the traditional sense. Its metal body was jagged and uneven, and the strings were stretched tight across its back in a way that produced discordant, almost abrasive music. I tried to adjust the tuning, but no matter what I did, the music remained harsh and unpleasant.

At first, I was disappointed. I wanted my dragon to be a work of art, something that people would marvel at and love listening to. But as I continued to play with it, I started to see the beauty in the chaos(( This paragraph shows wonderful growth. And as a reader, I’m drawn in trying to imagine what the sculpture actually looks like.)) . The music it produced was like a musical language that I had invented, one that was wild and untamed. It was a reflection of my own creativity and individuality. A discordant collection of notes that sounded like they’d been tuned so as to be atonal. But I didn't care. I was a scrapyard kid, and this dragon played the song of my people: strong, innovative, and beautiful.

The combination of sculpture and music fascinates me. How does the shape of a fabrication affect the kind of sound that the object produces? What sounds do different materials produce? As I’ve learned more about sculpture, I’ve also become interested in installation art that has sound dimensions. I want to capture people’s visual and aural attention to inspire questions about how we navigate the aesthetic world(( It sounds like this topic potentially relates to the student’s future goals. If that’s true, there could be a clearer academic connection here.)) . And I’ll use whatever scraps I can find to make my creations.

AO Notes on Musical Installation Art

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a piece of musical installation art myself, so this topic really held my attention. I appreciate the journey the writer went on to learn that their art may not look like everyone else’s, but it can be just as impactful.

• Topic: I like this topic not only because it’s not one you see every day but also because it lets the writer reveal a lot about themself and their background. We see where they grew up and who they grew up with, and we also learn about this deeply meaningful personal interest.
• Writing style: This author has a very distinct writing style. In some ways, the writing style mirrors their art style—abrupt at times, melodic at others.
• Organization: The first half of this essay doesn’t always match up with the second half. Even though we’re still able to see the writer’s journey as a metal artist and musician, there’s still a bit of streamlining that needs to happen.

Personal Statement Example #13: Ski Patrol

I can never get enough of being in the mountains(( This hook isn’t very compelling, so it could use some more attention.)) . I am a skier through and through. Growing up, I spent countless family vacations on the slopes with my dad and siblings. I love the rush I get speeding down the mountain—I’ve improved so much over my life that I can now handle most runs I come across. But last year, I took my love for skiing to a whole other level by joining ski patrol.

It was mid-December, and my family had decided to take a weekend away to go skiing. Everything was going normally at first. We had a good day on the slopes and wanted to go one more run before calling it a night. We took a moment to rest and watched the person in front of us go. Only seconds after she headed down the mountain, something happened with her ski. She catapulted into a nearby tree. People raced to check on her, while we stayed back and alerted ski patrol.

When ski patrol arrived, I watched in amazement. They moved in such a precise way. They were like a machine—everyone knew exactly what to do when. Thankfully, it was a false alarm and the skier only had a few scratches. But my own life was changed forever. I knew then that I wanted to be a part of this team, to help others in a tangible way and to make a difference on the mountain that had always been my home.

As soon as I could, I applied for the Junior Ski Patrol team. I had to go through a tryout process on the hill, which made me nervous. But it felt good to be surrounded by people who loved skiing as much as I do. Thankfully, I was accepted shortly after; it was one of the best days of my life. Now on Junior Ski Patrol, I have the opportunity to do what I love – skiing – while also making a positive impact on others(( And here we get to the heart of the essay. The writer wants to help others while doing something they love. It’s a noble pursuit!)) . My team shadows the adult Ski Patrol, and we learn a lot of lessons along the way.

On the mountain (and in life), you never know what challenges might arise. One of the most important things I’ve learned from Junior Ski Patrol is to be prepared for anything. I’ve gotten my CPR and first aid certifications so I’m always prepared to administer life-saving care to anyone who might need it. I know how to pack a bag full of enough essentials to survive harsh weather or injuries.

But ski patrol has also taught me so much more than just how to help others. It has shown me how I work best on a team. I’m not naturally a leader, which is something I’ve always felt ashamed about. After learning from our mentors who all fulfill different roles on their adult Ski Patrol team, I realized that I don’t have to be a leader to be a good team member. The quiet collaborators who can follow the lead, take initiative when needed, and do their jobs really well are just as important as the people who are front-and-center(( An important personal insight.)) .

Being on ski patrol as a high school student has been an incredible journey, and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of such a dedicated team. More importantly, I’m proud of the growth I’ve experienced. I went from a person who just loves skiing to a person who is more confident in herself. I no longer feel unprepared or timid. I know exactly how to keep myself safe and work alongside others. While I don’t want to be a professional Ski Patroller or even go into medicine, I know these lessons will serve me well wherever life takes me(( As an AO, I would have been wondering if being on JSP made them want to study medicine, so I appreciate that they answered it for me!)) . But no matter where I end up, when the mountain calls, you know I’ll answer.

AO Notes on Ski Patrol

In this fun hobby-meets-accomplishment essay, the writer shows us their strengths of care and teamwork. I like the crossover between something that they really enjoy and this impressive accomplishment they have of being on Junior Ski Patrol.

• Lessons learned: The writer makes it very clear what lessons they learned from Junior Ski Patrol. Lessons don’t always have to be this explicit, but I appreciate how the writer really takes the time to reflect on what they’ve learned.
• Personal insight: Okay, this point is related to the lessons learned. But it’s important to draw out on its own because personal essays are, of course, personal. This topic easily could have been just about skiing down a mountain or administering first aid on patrol. Instead, the writer kept the focus inward to meet the expectations of a personal essay.
• What’s at stake?: We do get a good sense of personal meaning. But the writer could do a better job of speaking to the significance of this activity to their life. A good question to ask is, “What’s at stake?” What would I have lost or gained if this story had turned out differently? Asking these questions can also help you figure out what it is that you want an admissions officer to learn from your personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #14: The Regulars

One pump of vanilla syrup. Frothed milk. One espresso shot. Caramel drizzle(( Starting with some version of the following sentence would have been a stronger hook.)) . Like a scientist at her bench, I have methodically repeated these steps four days a week for the past two years. During my time as a Starbucks barista, I’ve learned hundreds of recipes and customizations. I know all the secret menu hacks, and I’ve developed several recipes for friends and family too. I pride myself on speed, quality, and memory. My favorite part of the job is the customer service. As one of the busiest locations in the region, I’ve caffeinated thousands. But it’s my regular customers, those whose orders I know like the back of my hand, who have truly impacted me.

Venti Vanilla Sweet Cream Cold Brew, hold the vanilla syrup. A busy mom of four, Chelsea is always in a hurry. I try to catch her the moment she enters the store so I can get started right away. Her Venti drink fuels her through school dropoffs and pickups, gymnastics lessons, and evening math homework. Throughout my conversations with her, I’ve learned that Chelsea is a scheduling virtuoso. As someone with ADHD(( This paragraph is almost too much about Chelsea, so this sentence is crucial to bring the focus back to the writer.)) , I became so inspired by her ability to juggle so many people and schedules simultaneously. After asking her for advice, she helped me find a time management system that I can keep up with. I have Chelsea to thank for my improved grades.

Grande dark roast, no room for cream. Mr. Williams is a retired businessman who always tips 100%. Mr. Williams is a quiet man, so it took me months to draw any information from him. Instead of using my over-the-top customer service voice, I eventually learned to be myself. When I got him to open up, I discovered that he was a service worker himself before he made it big in business in his sixties. The truth is, Mr. Williams has tipped me hundreds of dollars throughout my time here, which is extra money that will help me pay for college. He’s taught me the value of quiet generosity(( Let’s be honest. Mr. Williams sounds like a cool guy. But Mr. Williams isn’t applying to college—the writer is! I like that we get small glimpses into who the writer is through this paragraph, but there’s still room for more.)) .

Tall soy London Fog. Sweet Darla gave up coffee twenty-five years ago, but she still loves an occasional treat. When Darla enters, I clear my schedule. She always has stories to tell about the eighty years of life she’s lived. Darla is everything I want to be at that age: she’s spunky, opinionated, and hilarious(( Here we learn a lot about the writer through Darla.)) . Sometimes I tell Darla stories of my own. When I explained the dramatic series of events that led to me landing first chair in my symphony, she said she was going to retell it her bridge club. Making Darla laugh so hard will always be one of my proudest moments.

Grande iced matcha. Taylor is my age and goes to my school. When I took her order for the first time, I felt embarrassed that I needed to work to support myself while she could enjoy expensive drinks. But her kindness softened me. As time went on, I learned that she visited Starbucks so much because she wanted to get out of her house, which wasn’t a very happy place. While I have to take on as many shifts as possible, I still have a happy home to return to afterward. Now Taylor comes in near the end of my shift so we can take our drinks and have dinner at my house.

When you work in customer service, customers enter and exit your life like a revolving door. But the regulars, those special people who draw connections from daily but brief interactions, stick with you for life. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for these people, and I would never have met them if it weren’t for my job as a barista. I haven’t just been making drinks these past two years. I’ve been making friends(( The conclusion does a good job tying all these different stories back together. )) .

AO Notes on The Regulars

No one appreciates a good barista story more than a tired admissions officer on their 30th application of the day! I like the personality that comes through in this essay especially. But this is one of those cases where it’s almost too much about other people.

• Creative take: Not every college essay needs a creative flair. In fact, sometimes going for “unique” structures can detract from an essay. But I like how the writer uses this format to structure the essay.
• Organization: This essay isn’t one a reader is bound to get lost in. The introduction sets up the essay well, it’s easy to see the connections between the points the writer is conveying, and the conclusion brings the focus back to the writer.
• More focus on self: While we do learn about the writer in this essay, we also learn a lot about Chelsea, Mr. Williams, Darla, and Taylor. The writer could have pared down the descriptions of other people—or cut one of the examples altogether—to save more room for personal reflection.

“Bad” Personal Statement Examples

These “bad” essays aren’t necessarily bad. They just aren’t very effective personal statements. Specifically, these two essays make some of the biggest college essay mistakes.

Making mistakes, especially when you’ve never written a personal statement before, is to be expected. We’ve included these examples so you can see what those mistakes look like in real-time. Learning from ineffective examples can be just as helpful as learning from the exceptional ones, so grab your pencil and start taking notes.

Our admissions officers have highlighted what’s working and what’s not. They offer helpful commentary and advice for revisions that you can use to assess your own personal statement.

Personal Statement Example #15: The Worst Year

My sophomore year of high school presented me with so many challenges(( This hook definitely gets straight to the point, but it doesn’t draw me in as a reader.)) . I struggled with a lot that year and barely managed to get by. It was the greatest challenge I ever faced.

The year started out like any other but soon went into chaos. My brother suddenly started struggling with drugs and alcohol. Before that, we didn’t know how bad he was hurting. But one night he finally came to us for help because apparently he had been using substances to cope with his emotions. He was scared because he felt like he had reached a breaking point and needed support. My parents didn’t want to help because they thought that he didn’t have a problem but I know my brother and I knew that he didn’t seem like himself. It was so sad to watch him go through that. I tried my best to help him but I was only a kid. I couldn’t really do anything besides tell him I loved him. Eventually my parents decided to get him some help, so he went away for a while and I wrote him letters every week and visited him as much as I could. The treatment he got helped thankfully. He’s doing better now and I am grateful that he is my brother.

But then Covid hit and I couldn’t even leave my house. We thought it would just be a two week vacation to school but it turned into two whole years of my life gone just like that. At the beginning I was stuck in my bedroom while my parents were working their jobs from the living room. Everyone was constantly getting annoyed with each other and driving each other wild. I would be doing a class Zoom in my room and I could hear my parents in a meeting in the living room. I had a hard time not being able to see my friends. I couldn't focus and my grades dropped. Even my teachers didn’t really seem to care. I was sick of staring at black Zoom screens all the time that I even stopped logging on. All of that combined led to me becoming very depressed and anxious. My grades dropped even more because I just couldn’t pay attention or focus enough to do my homework. I ended up getting grades way lower than I ever thought I would that year and I’m so frustrated about it because it felt like I was trying my best but it just wasn’t enough(( Here we see the writer opening up a bit and reflecting on what it was like to go through that experience.)) .

Even once we finally got back in school things didn’t get much better. The pandemic was just too much for my family so my parents ended up getting divorced at the beginning of my junior year. After all we had been through together seeing them separate made me devastated. My dad got an apartment and I had to go back and forth between their houses and pack up all my stuff every time. It was like moving my entire life every weekend. My brother was out of the house by this point so it was just me all by myself. My school was far from my dad’s new place so I’d have a long commute on the weeks I was with him. He was stressed at work and about the divorce and I just ended up feeling so lonely and spending most of my time in my room. My grades got better once online school stopped(( This moment of hope does a lot for moving the essay forward.)) but I had a hard time keeping close relationships with my friends because they didn’t like that I was living far away now and that we couldn’t really hang out anymore.

I couldn’t believe that two years would change so much. Getting through everything really challenged me. But I’m glad to be moving forward with my life.

AO Notes on The Worst Year

This student definitely had a challenging year. It’s clear that they’ve overcome a lot, and I appreciate their willingness to share their struggles. I like that the very last sentence

What this essay does well:

• Vulnerability: Writing about challenges is never easy, especially when you’re writing to people you don’t know. This writer is bold and unafraid in doing so.

What could be improved on:

• Not enough positivity: Here’s the thing. You definitely don’t need to be able to spin all of your challenging experiences into positive ones. But the topics you choose to write your college essay about should ultimately conclude on a positive note. You want your college essay to show you in a positive light, so you should choose a topic that lets you find a light, positive, or hopeful resolution.

Personal Statement Example #16: The Strikeout that Changed My Life

The stadium lights shone brightly in my eyes. I stepped up to the plate and drew back my bat. I wiggled my fingers, waiting. The pitcher wound up his arm and threw the ball towards me. My eyes worked overtime to track the ball. I watched as it flew directly towards the center of the plate and made a last-minute curve(( I like this vivid description.)) . It went straight into the catcher’s mitt. “Strike three!” the umpire yelled. That was the time I struck out at the quarter-finals. My team was so close to making it to the championship that we could taste it. It was the bottom of the sixth, and I gave up a valuable chance to score game-winning runs. We ended up losing. I learned a valuable lesson that fateful day. I never wanted to let my team down like that again(( And the writer jumps quickly into the main theme of the essay. Still, the message here could be more specific.)) .

We had advanced through our bracket without much trouble. The other teams were no match for our work ethic and teamwork. We were in perfect sync. As the first baseman, I was ready for any throw that came my way. We were also hitting well. I scored three home runs throughout the course of the tournament. We were a high-functioning machine. But for a machine to work, each cog has to function correctly. When I stepped up to the plate in the sixth inning, I was a broken cog.

After our quarter–final loss, I grieved with my teammates. Then I went off on my own to think. How had I let my team down so badly? How did I not even try to swing at that pitch? It was all my fault. I had to figure out what I had done wrong so I would never make the mistake again. I realized that I had been thinking selfishly. I was concerned about my own performance, my own at-bat averages(( This is a good reflection.)) . I was scared of failing because I didn’t want to be embarrassed. And worrying about all of those things caused me to lose focus and miss my chance to make a difference. Instead, I should have been thinking about how my at-bat would contribute to my team’s overall goal of winning the game.

I returned to where my teammates were congregating, and several of them patted me on the back. The next day, we went over how the game went as a team and talked about how we could improve at our tournament the following weekend. I admitted that I felt like I let the team down. My teammates said that they understood and reassured me that mistakes happen. It wasn’t my failed at-bat alone that lost us the game. Like winning, losing is a team effort. It was a culmination of lots of little issues. At the end of the day, the other team just out-performed us. But we could try hard, practice a lot, and return triumphant next weekend.

Letting my team down was a crushing blow to my self-esteem. I never want to feel like that again, but I know that the experience caused me to grow. Through all of this, I learned that I have to trust myself and my team(( Here we get to the lesson learned.)) . Focusing on myself alone can only get me so far. But focusing on my team can get me to where I want to go. I’m actually thankful that I struck out in that sixth inning because it caused me to learn an important life lesson.

AO Notes on The Strikeout that Changed My Life

This essay on its own definitely isn’t “bad.” As far as essays go, it’s clear, well-written, and organized nicely. But as a college essay, it could be doing more work on the writer’s behalf. See, as an admissions officer, I don’t actually learn that much about the writer from this essay alone. I see that they like baseball, are a good teammate, and can overcome failure. Those are wonderful traits, but they don’t exactly help set this student apart on the admissions committee floor. Instead, the student could make this essay more vulnerable and personal.

• Writing: The writer uses some great creative writing skills to really set the scene for the readers. In that first paragraph, I really feel like I’m there watching the game.
• Reflection: Even though the topic could be more significant, the writer does a great job reflecting on the meaning they drew from the experience.
• Significance: It’s very clear that this topic holds a lot of meaning to the writer. But as a college essay topic, it lacks vulnerability and stakes.

Key Takeaways

Writing a personal statement is a difficult ask, especially when you’ve never even read one before. But now, with these fifteen examples in your back pocket, you’re ready to write your own.

If you’re not sure what steps to take next, hop on over to our guide to writing personal statements for advice. You can also find more extensive guidance on the Essay Academy , a comprehensive college essay writing video course and community.

Happy writing! 🥳

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