essay on my self value

What is Self-Worth & How Do We Build it? (Incl. Worksheets)

What is Self-Worth and How Do We Increase it? Definition, Quotes + 4 Worksheets

There’s self-esteem, self-compassion, self-acceptance, self-respect, self-confidence, self-love, self-care, and so on.

There are so many words to describe how we feel about ourselves, how we think about ourselves, and how we act toward ourselves. It’s understandable if they all start to blend together for you; however, they are indeed different concepts with unique meanings, findings, and purposes.

Read on to learn more about what may be the most vital “self-” concept of them all: self-worth.

Before you read on, we thought you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you show more compassion and kindness to yourself but will also give you the tools to help your clients, students or employees improve their self-compassion and realize their worth.

This Article Contains:

What is the meaning of self-worth and self-value, the psychology of self-worth.

What Is Self-Worth Theory?

What Determines Self-Worth?

3 examples of healthy self-worth, how to find self-worth and value yourself more, the importance of self-worth in relationships, the risks of tying your self-worth to your job, the self-worth scale, 5 activities and exercises for developing self-worth, 2 worksheets that help increase self-worth, meditations to boost self-worth, recommended books on self-worth, must-watch ted talks and youtube videos, 12 quotes on self-worth, a take-home message.

Self-worth and self-value are two related terms that are often used interchangeably. Having a sense of self-worth means that you value yourself, and having a sense of self-value means that you are worthy. The differences between the two are minimal enough that both terms can be used to describe the same general concept.

However, we’ll provide both definitions so you can see where they differ.

Self-worth is defined by Merriam-Webster as:

“a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect”.

On the other hand, self-value is “more behavioral than emotional, more about how you act toward what you value, including yourself, than how you feel about yourself compared to others” (Stosny, 2014).

Self-Worth versus Self-Esteem

Similarly, there is not a huge difference between self-worth and self-esteem , especially for those who are not professionals in the field of psychology. In fact, the first definition of self-worth on the Merriam-Webster dictionary website is simply “self-esteem.”

Similarly, the World Book Dictionary definition of self-esteem is “thinking well of oneself; self-respect,” while self-worth is defined as “a favorable estimate or opinion of oneself; self-esteem” (Bogee, Jr., 1998).

Clearly, many of these terms are used to talk about the same ideas, but for those deeply immersed in these concepts, there is a slight difference. Dr. Christina Hibbert explains this:

“Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing ‘I am greater than all of those things.’ It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth.” (2013).

Self-Worth versus Self-Confidence

In the same vein, there are subtle but significant differences between self-worth and self-confidence.

Self-confidence is not an overall evaluation of yourself, but a feeling of confidence and competence in more specific areas. For example, you could have a high amount of self-worth but low self-confidence when it comes to extreme sports, certain subjects in school, or your ability to speak a new language (Roberts, 2012).

It’s not necessary to have a high sense of self-confidence in every area of your life; there are naturally some things that you will simply not be very good at, and other areas in which you will excel. The important thing is to have self-confidence in the activities in your life that matter to you and a high sense of self-worth overall.

We explore this further in The Science of Self-Acceptance Masterclass© .

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What Is the Self-Worth Theory?

The self-worth theory posits that an individual’s main priority in life is to find self-acceptance and that self-acceptance is often found through achievement (Covington & Beery, 1976). In turn, achievement is often found through competition with others.

Thus, the logical conclusion is that competing with others can help us feel like we have impressive achievements under our belt, which then makes us feel proud of ourselves and enhances our acceptance of ourselves.

The theory holds that there are four main elements of the self-worth model:

Performance;
Self-worth.

The first three interact with each other to determine one’s level of self-worth. One’s ability and effort predictably have a big impact on performance, and all three contribute to one’s feeling of worth and value.

While this theory represents a good understanding of self-worth as we tend to experience it, it is unfortunate that we place so much emphasis on our achievements. Aside from competing and “winning” against others, there are many factors that can contribute to our sense of self-worth.

However, people commonly use other yardsticks to measure their self-worth. Here are five of the top factors that people use to measure and compare their own self-worth to the worth of others:

Appearance—whether measured by the number on the scale, the size of clothing worn, or the kind of attention received by others;
Net worth—this can mean income, material possessions, financial assets, or all of the above;
Who you know/your social circle—some people judge their own value and the value of others by their status and what important and influential people they know;
What you do/your career—we often judge others by what they do; for example, a stockbroker is often considered more successful and valuable than a janitor or a teacher;
What you achieve—as noted earlier, we frequently use achievements to determine someone’s worth (whether it’s our own worth or someone else’s), such as success in business, scores on the SATs, or placement in a marathon or other athletic challenge (Morin, 2017).

Author Stephanie Jade Wong (n.d.) is on a mission to correct misunderstandings and misperceptions about self-worth. Instead of listing all the factors that go into self-worth, she outlines what does not determine your self-worth (or, what should not determine your self-worth):

Your to-do list: Achieving goals is great and it feels wonderful to cross off things on your to-do list, but it doesn’t have a direct relationship with your worth as a human;
Your job: It doesn’t matter what you do. What matters is that you do it well and that it fulfills you;
Your social media following: It also doesn’t matter how many people think you are worthy of a follow or a retweet. It can be enlightening and healthy to consider the perspectives of others, but their opinions have no impact on our innate value;
Your age: You aren’t too young or too old for anything. Your age is simply a number and does not factor into your value as a human being;
Other people: As noted above, it doesn’t matter what other people think or what other people have done or accomplished. Your personal satisfaction and fulfillment are much more important than what others are thinking, saying, or doing;
How far you can run: Your mile run time is one of the least important factors for your self-worth (or for anything else, for that matter). If you enjoy running and feel fulfilled by improving your time, good for you! If not, good for you! Your ability to run does not determine your self-worth;
Your grades: We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and some of us are simply not cut out for class. This has no bearing on our value as people, and a straight-A student is just as valuable and worthy as a straight-F student or a dropout;
The number of friends you have: Your value as a human has absolutely nothing to do with how many friends or connections you have. The quality of your relationships is what’s really important;
Your relationship status: Whether flying solo, casually dating, or in a committed relationship, your value is exactly the same—your relationship status doesn’t alter your worth;
The money (or lack thereof) in the bank: If you have enough money to physically survive (which can, in fact, be $0), then you have already achieved the maximal amount of “worth” you can get from money (hint: it’s 0!);
Your likes: It doesn’t matter if you have “good taste” or not, if your friends and acquaintances think you’re sophisticated, or if you have an eye for the finer things. Your worth is the same either way.
Anything or anyone but yourself: Here we get to the heart of the matter—you are the only one who determines your self-worth. If you believe you are worthy and valuable, you are worthy and valuable. Even if you don’t believe you are worthy and valuable, guess what—you still are worthy and valuable!

“ If I succeed at this, I will feel more valuable as a person. ”

Have you ever had a similar thought? You are certainly not alone. While objectively, your worth is not conditional on anything, most of us constantly evaluate our worth as human beings.

Blascovich and Tomaka (1991) describe self-esteem as the extent to which an individual evaluates themselves favorably. Consequently, the core process underlying self-esteem is self-evaluation, and people use many standards and domains to determine their worthiness (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001).

Domains represent the areas where people believe success means that they are wonderful or worthwhile, and failure means that they are worthless (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001).

For example, the self-worth of person A may be greatly determined by academic performance, while the self-worth of person B may be determined mainly by appearance.

Noticing the domains your use as a frame of reference to determine your self-worth is the first step toward developing more unconditional self-acceptance. The self-reflection questions shared below explore created conditions used to determine ‘worthiness’ and later lead beyond these conditions.

Note that there is a difference between evaluating actions and evaluating personal worth. We can learn from our mistakes and grow as individuals by assessing our efforts. However, by evaluating our personal worth, we can threaten our wellbeing.

You might be thinking, “Okay, I know what does and doesn’t (and shouldn’t) determine self-worth, but what does healthy self-worth really look like?”

Given what we know about the determinants of self-worth, let’s read through a few examples.

Bill is not a great student. He gets mostly Bs and Cs, even when he spends a great deal of time studying. He didn’t get a great score on his SATs, and he’s an average reader, a struggling writer, and nobody’s idea of a mathematician.

Even though Bill wishes he had better grades, he still feels pretty good about himself. He knows that grades aren’t everything and that he’s just as valuable a person as his straight-A friends. Bill has a high sense of self-worth and a realistic view of himself and his abilities.

Next, let’s consider Amy. Amy has a wide variety of interests, including marathons, attending book club, playing weekly trivia with her friends, and meeting new people.

Amy’s not particularly good at running and has never placed in a marathon. She’s a slow reader and frequently misses the symbolism and themes that her fellow book club members pick up on. She only answers about 10% of the trivia questions correctly and leans on her friends’ knowledge quite often. Finally, she loves to talk to new people but sometimes she gets blown off and ignored.

Despite all of this, she still believes that she is worthy and valuable. She knows that her worth as a human is not dependent on her ability to run, read, play trivia, or make new friends. Whether she is great, terrible, or somewhere in between at each of her vast range of chosen activities, she knows she is still worthy of happiness, fulfillment, and love.

Finally, consider the case of Marcus. Marcus is an excellent salesman and frequently outsells most of the other people at his company, but one coworker seems to always be just a bit ahead of him. He is also an avid squash player and frequently competes in tournaments. Sometimes he gets first or second place, but usually he does not place at all.

Even though he is not the best at his job or at his favorite hobby, Marcus still feels that he is valuable. He thinks he is smart, talented, and successful, even though he’s not the smartest, most talented, or most successful, and he’s okay with that.

Bill, Amy, and Marcus all have healthy levels of self-worth. They have varying levels of abilities and talents, and they get a wide range of results from their efforts, but they all understand that what they do is not who they are. No matter whether they win awards or garner accolades for their performance or not, they still have the same high opinion of their value as a person.

There are things you can do to boost your sense of self-worth and ensure that you value yourself like you ought to be valued—as a full, complete, and wonderful human being that is deserving of love and respect, no matter what.

How to build self-worth in adolescents

As with most lifelong traits, it’s best to start early. If you know any adolescents, be sure to encourage them to understand and accept their own self-worth. Reinforce their value as a being rather than a “doing,” as some say—in other words, make sure they know that they are valuable for who they are, not what they do.

If you need some more specific ideas on how to boost an adolescent’s self-worth, check out the suggestions below.

Researchers at Michigan State University recommend two main strategies:

Provide unconditional love, respect, and positive regard;
Give adolescents opportunities to experience success (Clark-Jones, 2012).

Showing a teen unconditional love (if you’re a parent, family member, or very close friend) or unconditional respect and positive regard (if you’re a teacher, mentor, etc.) is the best way to teach him self-worth.

If you show a teenager that you love and appreciate her for exactly who and what she is, she will learn that it’s okay to love herself for exactly who and what she is. If you demonstrate that she doesn’t need to achieve anything to earn your love and respect, she’ll be much less likely to put unnecessary parameters on her own self-love and self-respect.

Further, one way in which we gain a healthy sense of self-worth is through early and frequent experiences of success. Successful experiences boost our sense of competency and mastery and make us feel just plain good about ourselves.

Successful experiences also open the door for taking healthy risks and the success that often follows. Don’t just tell a teen that she is worthy and valuable, help her believe it by giving her every opportunity to succeed.

Just be sure that these opportunities are truly opportunities for her to succeed on her own—a helping hand is fine, but we need to figure out how to do some things on our own to build a healthy sense of self-worth (Clark-Jones, 2012).

How to increase self-worth and self-value in adults

It’s a bit trickier to increase self-worth and self-value in adults, but it’s certainly not a lost cause. Check out the two tips below to learn how to go about it.

First, take a look back at the list of what does not determine self-worth. Remind yourself that your bank account, job title, attractiveness, and social media following have nothing to do with how valuable or worthy a person you are.

It’s easy to get caught up in chasing money, status, and popularity—especially when these things are highly valued by those around us and by society in general—but make an effort to take a step back and think about what truly matters when determining people’s worth: their kindness, compassion, empathy, respect for others, and how well they treat those around them.

Second, work on identifying, challenging, and externalizing your critical inner voice. We all have an inner critic that loves to nitpick and point out our flaws (Firestone, 2014). It’s natural to let this inner critic get the best of us sometimes, but if we let her win too often she starts to think that she’s right!

Whenever you notice your inner critic start to fire up with the criticisms, make her pause for a moment. Ask yourself whether she has any basis in fact, whether she’s being kind or not, and whether what she’s telling you is something you need to know. If none of those things are true, feel free to tell her to see herself out!

Challenge her on the things she whispers in your ear and remind her that no matter what you do or don’t do, you are worthy and valuable all the same.

For more specific activities and ideas, see the exercises, activities, and worksheets we cover later in this piece.

It’s an understandable tendency to let someone else’s love for you encourage you to feel better about yourself. However, you should work on feeling good about yourself whether you are in a relationship or not.

The love of another person does not define you, nor does it define your value as a person. Whether you are single, casually seeing people, building a solid relationship with someone, or celebrating your 30th wedding anniversary with your spouse, you are worthy of love and respect, and you should make time to practice self-acceptance and self-compassion.

This is true for people of any relationship status, but it may be especially important for those in long-term relationships.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your partner’s love is what makes you worthy of love. If anything ever happens to your partner or to your relationship, you don’t want to be forced to build up your sense of worth from scratch. It can make breakups and grief much harder than they need to be.

Although this facet of the issue might be enough to encourage you to work on your self-worth, there’s another reason it’s important: Having a healthy sense of self-worth will actually make your current relationship better too.

When you learn to love yourself, you become better able to love someone else. People with high self-respect tend to have more satisfying, loving, and stable relationships than those who do not, precisely because they know that they need to first find their worth, esteem, and happiness within themselves.

Two people who are lit with self-worth and happiness from within make are much brighter than two people who are trying to absorb light from each other (Grande, 2018).

Similar to the dangers of anchoring your self-worth to someone else, there are big risks in tying your self-worth to your job. Like a significant other, jobs can come and go—sometimes without warning.

You can be let go, laid off, transitioned, dehired, dismissed, downsized, redirected, released, selectively separated, terminated, replaced, asked to resign, or just plain fired. You could also be transferred, promoted, demoted, or given new duties and responsibilities that no longer mesh with the sense of self-worth your previous duties and responsibilities gave you.

You could also quit, take a new job, take some time off, or retire—all things that can be wonderful life transitions, but that can be unnecessarily difficult if you base too much of your self-worth on your job.

As noted earlier, your job is one of the things that don’t define you or your worth. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of what you do, finding joy or fulfillment in it, or letting it shape who you are; the danger is in letting it define your entire sense of self.

We are all so much more than a job. Believing that we are nothing more than a job is detrimental to our wellbeing and can be disastrous in times of crisis.

If so, you’re in luck. There is a scale that is perfectly suited for this curiosity.

Also known as the Contingencies of Self-Worth Scale, this scale was developed by researchers Crocker, Luhtanen, Cooper, and Bouvrette in 2003. It consists of 35 items that measure self-worth in seven different domains. These seven domains, with an example item from each domain, are:

Approval from others (i.e., I don’t care if other people have a negative opinion of me);
Physical appearance (i.e., my self-esteem is influenced by how attractive I think my face or facial features are);
Outdoing others in competition (i.e., my self-worth is affected by how well I do when I am competing with others);
Academic competence (i.e., I feel bad about myself whenever my academic performance is lacking);
Family love and support (i.e., my self-worth is not influenced by the quality of my relationships with my family members);
Being a virtuous or moral person (i.e., my self-esteem depends on whether or not I follow my moral/ethical principles);
God’s love (i.e., my self-esteem would suffer if I didn’t have God’s love).

Each item is rated on a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree). Once you have rated each item, sum the answers to the five items for each domain and divide the total by 5 for the sub-scale score.

To learn more about this scale or use it to determine your own self-worth, click here .

According to author and self-growth guru Adam Sicinski, there are five vital exercises for developing and maintaining self-worth. He lays them out in five stages, but there’s no need to keep them in strict order; it’s fine to move back and forth or revisit stages.

1. Increase your self-understanding

An important activity on the road to self-worth is to build self-understanding. You need to learn who you are and what you want before you can decide you are a worthy human being.

Sicinski recommends this simple thought experiment to work on increasing your understanding of yourself:

Imagine that everything you have is suddenly taken away from you (i.e., possessions, relationships, friendships, status, job/career, accomplishments and achievements, etc.);
Ask yourself the following questions: a. What if everything I have was suddenly taken away from me? b. What if all I had left was just myself? c. How would that make me feel? d. What would I actually have that would be of value?
Think about your answers to these questions and see if you can come to this conclusion: “No matter what happens externally and no matter what’s taken away from me, I’m not affected internally”;
Next, get to know yourself on a deeper level with these questions: a. Who I am? I am . . . I am not . . . b. How am I? c. How am I in the world? d. How do others see me? e. How do others speak about me? f. What key life moments define who I am today? g. What brings me the most passion, fulfillment, and joy?
Once you have a good understanding of who you are and what fulfills and satisfies you, it’s time to look at what isn’t so great or easy about being you. Ask yourself these questions: a. Where do I struggle most? b. Where do I need to improve? c. What fears often hold me back? d. What habitual emotions hurt me? e. What mistakes do I tend to make? f. Where do I tend to consistently let myself down?
Finally, take a moment to look at the flipside; ask yourself: a. What abilities do I have? b. What am I really good at?

Spend some time on each step, but especially on the steps that remind you of your worth and your value as a person (e.g., the strengths step).

2. Boost your self-acceptance

Once you have a better idea of who you are, the next step is to enhance your acceptance of yourself.

Start by forgiving yourself for anything you noted in item 5 above. Think of any struggles, needs for improvement, mistakes, and bad habits you have, and commit to forgiving yourself and accepting yourself without judgment or excuses.

Think about everything you learned about yourself in the first exercise and repeat these statements:

I accept the good, the bad and the ugly;
I fully accept every part of myself including my flaws, fears, behaviors, and qualities I might not be too proud of;
This is how I am, and I am at peace with that

3. Enhance your self-love

Now that you have worked on accepting yourself for who you are, you can begin to build love and care for yourself. Make it a goal to extend yourself kindness, tolerance, generosity, and compassion .

To boost self-love, start paying attention to the tone you use with yourself. Commit to being more positive and uplifting when talking to yourself.

If you’re not sure how to get started, think (or say aloud) these simple statements:

I feel valued and special;
I love myself wholeheartedly;
I am a worthy and capable person (Sicinski, n.d.).

4. Recognize your self-worth

Once you understand, accept, and love yourself, you will reach a point where you no longer depend on people, accomplishments, or other external factors for your self-worth.

At this point, the best thing you can do is recognize your worth and appreciate yourself for the work you’ve done to get here, as well as continuing to maintain your self-understanding, self-acceptance, self-love, and self-worth.

To recognize your self-worth, remind yourself that:

You no longer need to please other people;
No matter what people do or say, and regardless of what happens outside of you, you alone control how you feel about yourself;
You have the power to respond to events and circumstances based on your internal sources, resources, and resourcefulness, which are the reflection of your true value;
Your value comes from inside, from an internal measure that you’ve set for yourself.

5. Take responsibility for yourself

In this stage, you will practice being responsible for yourself, your circumstances, and your problems.

Follow these guidelines to ensure you are working on this exercise in a healthy way:

Take full responsibility for everything that happens to you without giving your personal power and your agency away;
Acknowledge that you have the personal power to change and influence the events and circumstances of your life.

Remind yourself of what you have learned through all of these exercises, and know that you hold the power in your own life. Revel in your well-earned sense of self-worth and make sure to maintain it.

Check out the four worksheets below that can help you build your self-worth.

About Me Sentence Completion Worksheet

This worksheet outlines a simple way to build self-worth. It only requires a pen or pencil and a few minutes to complete. Feel free to use it for yourself or for your adult clients, but it was designed for kids and can be especially effective for them.

This worksheet is simply titled “About Me: Sentence Completion” and is exactly what you might expect: it gives kids a chance to write about themselves. If your youngster is too young to write down his own answers, sit with him and help him record his responses.

The sentence stems (or prompts) to complete include:

I was really happy when . . .
Something that my friends like about me is . . .
I’m proud of . . .
My family was happy when I . . .
In school, I’m good at . . .
Something that makes me unique is . . .

By completing these six prompts, your child will take some time to think about who he really is, what he likes, what he’s good at, and what makes him feel happy.

Self-Esteem Sentence Stems worksheet.

Self-Esteem Checkup

This worksheet is good for a wide audience, including children, adolescents, young adults, and older adults. The opening text indicates that it’s a self-esteem worksheet, but in this case, the terms self-esteem and self-worth are used interchangeably.

Completing this worksheet will help you get a handle on your personal sense of understanding, acceptance, respect, and love for yourself.

The worksheet lists 15 statements and instructs you to rate your belief in each one on a scale from 0 (not at all) to 10 (totally or completely). These statements are:

I believe in myself;
I am just as valuable as other people;
I would rather be me than someone else;
I am proud of my accomplishments;
I feel good when I get compliments;
I can handle criticism;
I am good at solving problems;
I love trying new things;
I respect myself;
I like the way I look;
I love myself even when others reject me;
I know my positive qualities;
I focus on my successes and not my failures;
I’m not afraid to make mistakes;
I am happy to be me.

Add up all of the ratings for these 15 statements to get your total score, then rate your overall sense of self-esteem on a scale from 0 (I completely dislike who I am) to 10 (I completely like who I am).

Finally, respond to the prompt “What would need to change in order for you to move up one point on the rating scale? (i.e., for example, if you rated yourself a 6 what would need to happen for you to be at a 7?)”

Click here to preview this worksheet for yourself or click here to view it in a collection of self-esteem-building, small-group counseling lesson plans.

If you’re a fan of meditations , check out the four options below. They’re all aimed at boosting self-worth:

A Guided Meditation to Help Quiet Self-Doubt and Boost Confidence from Health.com;
Guided Meditation for Inner Peace and Self-Worth from Linda Hall;
Guided Meditation: Self-Esteem from The Honest Guys Meditations & Relaxations;

If you’re not fond of any of these four meditations, try searching for other guided meditations intended to improve your self-worth. There are many out there to choose from.

To learn more about self-worth and how to improve it, check out some of the most popular books about this subject on Amazon:

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Dr. Brené Brown ( Amazon );
What to Say When You Talk to Your Self by Dr. Shad Helmstetter ( Amazon );
The 21-Day Self-Love Challenge: Learn How to Love Yourself Unconditionally, Cultivate Confidence, Self-Compassion & Self-Worth by Sophia Taylor ( Amazon );
Love Yourself: 31 Ways to Truly Find Your Self Worth & Love Yourself by Randy Young ( Amazon );
Self-Worth Essentials: A Workbook to Understand Yourself, Accept Yourself, Like Yourself, Respect Yourself, Be Confident, Enjoy Yourself, and Love Yourself by Dr. Liisa Kyle ( Amazon );
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse ( Amazon ).

If you’re more of a watcher than a reader, there are some great TED Talks and YouTube videos you can check out, including:

TED Talk: Meet Yourself: A User’s Guide to Building Self-Esteem by Niko Everett

In her talk, Niko Everett, the founder of the organization Girls for Change, discusses inspiring ways to build up your self-esteem.

TED Talk: Claiming Your Identity by Understanding Your Self-Worth by Helen Whitener

Judge Helen Whitener discusses self-worth through the lens of social justice and equality in this talk.

A Clever Lesson in Self Worth from Meir Kay

Sometimes all we need to kickstart or motivate us to work on our self-love and self-worth is a good, insightful quote. If that’s what you’re looking for, read on.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.

Louise L. Hay

The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself.

Sahaj Kohli

Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?

Brigham Young

Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself—no on else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are—completely; the good and the bad—and make changes as YOU see fit—not because you think someone else want you to be different.

Stacey Charter

Your problem is you’re afraid to acknowledge your own beauty. You’re too busy holding onto your unworthiness.

It’s surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you’re not comfortable within yourself, you can’t be comfortable with others.

Sidney J. Harris

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

George Eliot

Stay true to yourself. An original is worth more than a copy.

Suzy Kassem

17 Exercises To Foster Self-Acceptance and Compassion

Help your clients develop a kinder, more accepting relationship with themselves using these 17 Self-Compassion Exercises [PDF] that promote self-care and self-compassion.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Self-worth is an important concept for both researchers and laymen to understand, and it’s especially important for us to be able to identify, build, and maintain a normal, healthy sense of self-worth.

Learning about self-worth can teach you how to be more happy and fulfilled in your authentic, loveable self.

What do you think is the most important takeaway from research on this topic? Do you think a lack of self-worth is a problem? Or perhaps you think an excess of self-worth is the bigger problem today? Let us know in the comments section.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Self Compassion Exercises for free .

Blascovich, J., & Tomaka, J. (1991). Measures of self-esteem. Measures of Personality and Social Psychological Attitudes, 1, 115-160.
Bogee, Jr., L. (1998). Leadership through personal awareness. University of Hawaii. Retrieved from http://www.hawaii.edu/intlrel/LTPA/selfwort.htm
Clark-Jones, T. (2012). The importance of helping teens discover self-worth. Michigan State University – MSU Extension. Retrieved from http://www.canr.msu.edu/news/the_importance_of_helping_teens_discover_self-worth
Covington, M. V., & Beery, R. G. (1976). Self-worth and school learning. Oxford, UK: Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
Crocker, J., Luhtanen, R. K., Cooper, M. L., & Bouvrette, A. (2003). Contingencies of self-worth in college students: Theory and measurement. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85 , 894–908.
Crocker, J., & Wolfe, C. T. (2001). Contingencies of self-worth. Psychological Review, 108(3), 593.
Firestone, L. (2014). Essential tips for building true self-worth. Psych Alive. Retrieved from https://www.psychalive.org/self-worth/
Grande, D. (2018). Building self-esteem and improving relationships. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/201801/building-self-esteem-and-improving-relationships
Hibbert, C. (2013). Self-esteem vs. self-worth. Dr. Christina Hibbert. Retrieved from https://www.drchristinahibbert.com/self-esteem-vs-self-worth/
Morin, A. (2017). How do you measure your self-worth? Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201707/how-do-you-measure-your-self-worth
Roberts, E. (2012). The difference between self-esteem and self-confidence. Healthy Place. Retrieved from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2012/05/the-difference-between-self-esteem-and-self-confidence
Sicinski, A. (n.d.). How to build self-worth and start believing in yourself again. IQ Matrix. Retrieved from https://blog.iqmatrix.com/self-worth
Stosny, S. (2014). How much do you value yourself? Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201406/how-much-do-you-value-yourself
Wong, S. J. (n.d.). 13 things that don’t determine your self-worth. Shine. Retrieved from https://advice.shinetext.com/articles/12-things-that-dont-determine-your-self-worth/

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How I Value Myself: Nurturing Self-Worth

Table of contents, acknowledging my unique essence, celebrating achievements and growth, embracing vulnerabilities: the heart of authenticity, setting healthy boundaries, fueling a cycle of self-respect, conclusion: a tapestry of self-worth.

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Essay on My Values in Life

Introduction.

Personal values are qualities that one considers to be worthwhile and, as such, act as the driving force in their life. They take precedence over other qualities and therefore dictate the manner in which an individual may behave in particular instances. When it comes to my values in life, I have a few that I hold dear.

These values are a result of my upbringing, development, my principles, as well as my socialization and the culture around me. In this “my values in life” essay, I shall identify the core beliefs that I hold and how they influence my everyday choices, actions, and plans that I make.

My Values in Life

One of the educational values that are fundamental to me is achievement. This is a result of my belief that what defines me most as a person is my determination to succeed and my desire to make a positive contribution to society through my career. Achievement is, therefore, one of the values that are most important to me since, in today’s world, achievement and success are mostly tied together with educational success. As a result of this, I hold my educational exploits in high esteem since education is one of the avenues where one’s determination leads to quantifiable success.

I greatly value close relationships with my friends and constantly seek to cement the same. This is because good friends can assist one in achieving his/her goals in life and can sometimes even be closer than family. For this reason, I invest a lot of time and effort in my close friends. I make it a priority to be a part of the significant moments in my friends’ lives, such as their birthdays, wedding days, and even baby christening ceremonies. In addition to this, I always ensure that I inquire as to their well beings periodically.

Growth and personal development for me is a very fundamental value, and its importance in my life cannot be understated. It is my belief that my life is not worth much if I do not strive to constantly improve on my achievements as well as in becoming a better person. This value of personal growth and development greatly impacts my daily living, especially when establishing new relations. It is generally my rule that if a new relationship does not add any value to my life, then I should not waste my time exploring it.

One of the constant realities in human life is that we will always be surrounded by needy people. As such, on a social level, I always strive to give my services to the less fortunate. In my opinion, a life well lived is one that is lived in such a way that it makes a difference to someone else’s life. This is the philosophy with which I have led my life up to this point, and at all times, I try to make a difference in the lives of the people that surround me. Helping other people is, therefore, a value that I value not only in myself but also in other people.

While modern-day living has somewhat led to a degradation of the value of family from what it used to be in gone years, I still hold the value of family to be very important in my life. To me, one’s family members are the ones who will stand by you no matter the situation and encourage you through life’s troubles.

While I reckon that family may not always be supportive or as ideal as I envision it, in my experience, my family is closely knit and always stands up for me. I, therefore, always have my family in mind when making my decisions and consider how my actions will affect them. In addition, I try to seek guidance from members of the family who are more experienced than I am before making monumental decisions in my life.

It has been argued that honest men and women are a dying breed. This statement holds true in our capitalistic society, where profits and personal gains are the primary objectives. The means by which one achieves success is often overlooked, and as such, the ends justify the means.

Even in the midst of such an environment, I still hold honesty as one of my core values. This is mostly a result of my upbringing, whereby honesty was applauded and dishonesty shunned. Also, I have come to realize that when one achieves success through honesty, the level of satisfaction that comes with it is truly unrivaled by any other feeling.

Owing to my upbringing, I have a huge regard for religion. As such, one of my spiritual values is engaging myself in some religious organizations. While it is true that most of my religious values are a result of my upbringing, I have, over time, come to embrace them as my own and therefore make it my personal duty to be actively involved in my religious organization.

To me, this brings about a sense of balance and helps me be more reflective and appreciative in my life. My religious values impact my decision-making since I try not to make choices that are contrary to my religious beliefs.

In this paper, I have identified some of the values that I hold dear to me. I have also identified how these values impact the choices that I make as well as the actions that I take. From this deep exploration of my values, I have come to the realization that my values greatly dictate how I treat the people around me as well as how I prioritize matters. I believe that as a result of my values, I strive harder to achieve the things that I want in life, and as such, I am a better person as a result of them.

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How to Focus on Your Values in Your Personal Statement

This article was written based on the information and opinions presented by CEG Essay Specialist Kaila Barber in a CollegeVine livestream. You can watch the full livestream for more info.

What’s Covered:

Identifying your own values, demonstrate your values with examples.

Reflecting on Your Experiences

It’s important to keep in mind what your reader is hoping to learn from your personal statement. The statement is an opportunity to reflect on your experiences and demonstrate how you think about and relate to the world around you. Specifically, what are some of your values? What’s meaningful to you? What do you find important?

Personal values can be things like communication, patience, nature, health, personal development, courage, self-love, authenticity, healthy boundaries, or even humor. Before you start drafting your personal statement, take a moment to reflect on the things that you find important and why.

We’re all very different people coming from different backgrounds, and we have different experiences that impact our individual values. While some of your values will overlap with those of other people, your personal reflection on the values that resonate most with you will separate your statement from someone else’s.

The best way to include your values, skills, and traits in your essay is to pair them with specific examples and anecdotes. Each anecdote should align with at least one of the values that you find most important and should be accompanied by your personal reflection on the value and its related experience.

Here’s an example. A student does not have a parent or guardian around to shoulder the expenses of caring for them and their younger sibling. In their outline, the student says that they value autonomy, financial stability, and family. Throughout the essay, they demonstrate these values by talking about getting a part-time job to help support the family and caring for their sibling at home. They also excel academically and even petition to have an AP Physics II course offered at their school.

The student has shown autonomy by taking the initiative to petition for the new course and by getting a job. They have also demonstrated that both financial stability and family are important to them by pitching in to support their parent and sibling.

Your examples should show your reader your values by being specific and personal to your background and experiences.

Reflecting on Your Experiences

Reflecting on your values is an equally important part of the personal statement. Your reflections or insight should focus on not only your experiences but also who you are and who you want to become. The insight you include in your essay shows that you’ve really found meaning from your personal experiences.

Insight can take a few forms. A common way to show insight is by writing about a growth experience. Show how you went from point A in your life to point B, and share the lessons you’ve learned along the way. For example, people often reflect on how navigating a strenuous activity or challenge changed the way that they thought about themselves and what they could handle. Reflecting on that change in confidence is one way to demonstrate insight.

One of the clearest ways to explore insight is to self-reflect and write about how something has either connected you to, influenced, or reframed how you think of your own values. Maybe you once pushed yourself too hard, and that experience showed you the value of rest and mindfulness. Or perhaps a change in circumstances shifted or redefined your values to an extent.

For example, a person might say that while they craved stability as a child because of their home life, they now see the value of risk-taking and adventure in enriching their own knowledge and experiences. In this example, both security and risk are important to the speaker, but their experiences ultimately shifted weight from one value to another.

Regardless of how you approach your personal statement, insight is the overarching meaning that you take away from the relevant experiences and values you’ve shared.

Are you looking for more guidance as you draft your personal statement? Check out this post on how to come up with a strong topic that wows your admissions reader!

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College essay

How to Write About Yourself in a College Essay | Examples

Published on September 21, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on May 31, 2023.

An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability. Your essay shouldn’t just be a resume of your experiences; colleges are looking for a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

To write about your achievements and qualities without sounding arrogant, use specific stories to illustrate them. You can also write about challenges you’ve faced or mistakes you’ve made to show vulnerability and personal growth.

Start with self-reflection, how to write about challenges and mistakes, how to write about your achievements and qualities, how to write about a cliché experience, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

Before you start writing, spend some time reflecting to identify your values and qualities. You should do a comprehensive brainstorming session, but here are a few questions to get you started:

What are three words your friends or family would use to describe you, and why would they choose them?
Whom do you admire most and why?
What are the top five things you are thankful for?
What has inspired your hobbies or future goals?
What are you most proud of? Ashamed of?

As you self-reflect, consider how your values and goals reflect your prospective university’s program and culture, and brainstorm stories that demonstrate the fit between the two.

Prevent plagiarism. Run a free check.

Writing about difficult experiences can be an effective way to show authenticity and create an emotional connection to the reader, but choose carefully which details to share, and aim to demonstrate how the experience helped you learn and grow.

Be vulnerable

It’s not necessary to have a tragic story or a huge confession. But you should openly share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to evoke an emotional response from the reader. Even a cliché or mundane topic can be made interesting with honest reflection. This honesty is a preface to self-reflection and insight in the essay’s conclusion.

Don’t overshare

With difficult topics, you shouldn’t focus too much on negative aspects. Instead, use your challenging circumstances as a brief introduction to how you responded positively.

Share what you have learned

It’s okay to include your failure or mistakes in your essay if you include a lesson learned. After telling a descriptive, honest story, you should explain what you learned and how you applied it to your life.

While it’s good to sell your strengths, you also don’t want to come across as arrogant. Instead of just stating your extracurricular activities, achievements, or personal qualities, aim to discreetly incorporate them into your story.

Brag indirectly

Mention your extracurricular activities or awards in passing, not outright, to avoid sounding like you’re bragging from a resume.

Use stories to prove your qualities

Even if you don’t have any impressive academic achievements or extracurriculars, you can still demonstrate your academic or personal character. But you should use personal examples to provide proof. In other words, show evidence of your character instead of just telling.

Many high school students write about common topics such as sports, volunteer work, or their family. Your essay topic doesn’t have to be groundbreaking, but do try to include unexpected personal details and your authentic voice to make your essay stand out .

To find an original angle, try these techniques:

Focus on a specific moment, and describe the scene using your five senses.
Mention objects that have special significance to you.
Instead of following a common story arc, include a surprising twist or insight.

Your unique voice can shed new perspective on a common human experience while also revealing your personality. When read out loud, the essay should sound like you are talking.

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

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First, spend time reflecting on your core values and character . You can start with these questions:

However, you should do a comprehensive brainstorming session to fully understand your values. Also consider how your values and goals match your prospective university’s program and culture. Then, brainstorm stories that illustrate the fit between the two.

When writing about yourself , including difficult experiences or failures can be a great way to show vulnerability and authenticity, but be careful not to overshare, and focus on showing how you matured from the experience.

Through specific stories, you can weave your achievements and qualities into your essay so that it doesn’t seem like you’re bragging from a resume.

Include specific, personal details and use your authentic voice to shed a new perspective on a common human experience.

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Self Worth: Why You Need To Value Yourself More

Self-respect is the most crucial aspect of one’s life. If you do not understand how to appreciate yourself and your worth, how do you expect others to? Life is too short to maintain toxic relationships. In order for yours to flourish, you need to work on yourself first.

“Don’t expect anyone to love or respect you if you don’t fully love yourself first.”

People accept sh*tty jobs and relationships because they do not respect themselves enough to realize they deserve better. Too many people become complacent in these aspects and stop striving for greater things.

Relationships become detrimental when the self-respect is lacking. You wind up hurting the other person and yourself. You need to love yourself enough to choose the ones that make you happy and motivate you to grow.

“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.”

This does not come easy so a conscious effort must be consistently made on a day-to-day basis. A lack of self-respect can, and most often does, result in depression and self-destructive behaviors. You need to reinforce your positive qualities and actively try to fix your negative qualities. When everything else in the world fails you, you will always have your self-respect to fall back on. How you feel about yourself affects every single aspect of your life.

If you don’t respect yourself then you won’t take care of yourself the way you should. By achieving this, you set boundaries for your life and your relationships. This will encourage people’s deference to you. You cannot allow people to treat you poorly and if they do, you need to recognize your worth and walk away. Others cannot negatively influence your opinion of yourself; this will only lead to degradation of your worth. You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

Self-respect and self-esteem play hand in hand with one another. Self-esteem gives you the confidence to succeed and without it you are simply placing limitations on yourself.

You and only you are responsible for your fate. Life is no fun if you spend it hating yourself; this stifles any progress you hope to make. Once your confidence is up, you will stop making the terrible mistake of comparing yourself to others. You will already be comfortable and happy with who you are.

When you love yourself, you take pride in who you and what you have to offer. Too many people place the needs of others before their own, but in order to respect others, you need to meet your own needs first. How can you truly learn to appreciate others if you can’t even appreciate yourself? This is fundamental to personal growth and a concept too many people do not realize.

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How to Improve Your Self-Worth and Why It's Important

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

Yolanda Renteria, LPC, is a licensed therapist, somatic practitioner, national certified counselor, adjunct faculty professor, speaker specializing in the treatment of trauma and intergenerational trauma.

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Factors That Influence Self-Worth

Gauging your self-worth, importance of self-worth.

How to Improve Self-Worth

If you’ve heard the term “self-worth,” you’re probably wondering what exactly it means and why it’s important.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), your self-worth is your evaluation of yourself as a capable and valuable human being deserving of consideration and respect. It is an internal sense of being worthy of love .

We often think about terms like “respect,” “love,” and “consideration” with regard to our relationships with others, such as our friends, family members, colleagues, and neighbors. However, the term “self-worth” is a gauge of how much we respect, love, and value ourselves.

People with positive self-worth tend to have greater self-confidence and self-esteem. Having low self-worth, on the other hand, means judging oneself harshly, having a low opinion of oneself, and tending to focus on one's mistakes and shortcomings, rather than one's abilities and strengths.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

It’s important to have self-worth because it impacts everything you do from your relationships, to how you work, how you feel about yourself, and how others view you.

This article explores the importance of self-worth and suggests some strategies to help you improve your self-worth.

Self-worth is a subjective concept that can fluctuate based on many variables, says Sabrina Romanoff , PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.

According to Dr. Romanoff, these are some of the factors that may influence self-worth:

Core beliefs and values
Thoughts and feelings
Emotions and mental well-being
Experiences and interactions with others
Relationships , both past and present
Health and physical fitness
Career and profession
Activities and hobbies
Community and social status
Financial position
Physical appearance
Childhood experiences

If you’re trying to gauge your self-worth , Dr. Romanoff says it may be helpful to ask yourself the following questions:

How much do you like, respect, and value yourself?
Which words would you use to describe yourself to a stranger?
When you self-reflect and think about yourself, are your thoughts generally positive, negative, or somewhere in between?
Do you believe you are worthy of others’ love, respect, and consideration?

Asking yourself these questions can help you introspect and get a sense of your own self-worth.

As you explore these thoughts, it can also be helpful to think about where your thoughts and beliefs around your self-worth originated from.

Below, Dr. Romanoff explains the benefits of having a healthy sense of self-worth and the potential pitfalls of having low self-worth.

Benefits of Positive Self-Worth

Folks with high self-worth carry with them a sense of confidence that they will be all right and manage whatever comes their way. While they are aware of areas in which they can improve, they don’t let their shortcomings define their identity. They are not afraid to pursue opportunities and have reasonable faith in their ability to deliver.

Self-worth also plays an important role in relationship dynamics. For example, if someone is treated poorly, their self-worth will likely have a large impact on their interpretation of the event—someone with low self-worth may blame themselves, whereas a person with healthy self-worth may not consider themselves deserving of mistreatment .

Therefore, having positive self-worth can help people set boundaries around how they are treated by others. Learning to ask for respect is what pushes others to be respectful.

According to a 2017 study, positive self-worth is associated with a greater sense of well-being and life satisfaction.

Potential Pitfalls of Low Self-Worth

Low self-worth is characterized by a negative view of oneself and a lack of trust in one’s abilities. As a result, there is a perpetual fear of failure, difficulty accepting positive comments, and a disproportionate focus on weaknesses.

Because there is a strong tendency to view oneself as unworthy, there is also a tendency to elevate others, in an effort to compensate. Someone with low self-worth may therefore minimize their needs, allow their boundaries to be infringed, go out of their way to please others, and be unable to stand up for themselves.

Low self-worth is highly correlated with depression and anxiety . As a result, people may experience symptoms like low mood, irritability, anxiety, fatigue, changes in weight, sleep difficulties, and inability to concentrate.

Strategies to Improve Your Self-Worth

Below, Dr. Romanoff shares some strategies that can help you boost your sense of self-worth:

Do things you enjoy and are good at: Getting good at something—and enjoying it—can provide positive reinforcement and feelings of proficiency and capability. Having regular reminders of your talents, strengths, and abilities can help make you more confident in other areas of your life as well.
Exercise and challenge yourself: Research shows us that physical activity is linked to a greater sense of self-worth. Inducing moderate strain on your body and striving towards increasingly advanced goals each time gives you tangible proof that you are capable of more than you thought. Exercise also recalibrates your mindset and offers both physical and mental benefits .
Challenge negative thoughts: Remember that thoughts are not facts. In fact, most of the time, they are distortions caused by internalized critics, stress, and situational demands. Next time you have a negative self-thought, think of an alternative realistic thought to replace it.
Seek support: You could also see a therapist for self-worth, if you notice that it’s constricting the quality of your functioning in your relationships, work, or emotional well-being. Having low self-worth can be like living life through restricted blinders. Sometimes complacency with this restriction grows, and people believe they are not worthy of more. In these instances, the perspective of a neutral, trained professional can be very effective.
Build self-worth in your children: The origins of low self-worth can often be traced back to the behaviors of adults in childhood, even if they were well-meaning. If you have children , it’s important to actively work toward building their self-esteem. Rather than rewarding them for external factors such as appearance or winning sports games or prizes, recognize and praise internal factors such as effort and determination. Focus on what your child can control because if their self-esteem is solely based on external factors, their self-esteem will be dependent on the next accomplishment.

A Word From Verywell

Having a healthy sense of self-worth is important and can contribute to better relationships , work, health, and overall mental and emotional well-being. If you think you might have low self-esteem, there are steps you can take to improve it and have a more positive view of yourself. Loving, respecting, and valuing yourself can be the first step toward gaining the love, respect, and consideration of others.

American Psychological Association. Self-worth . APA Dictionary of Psychology .

University of North Carolina Wilmington. Self-worth .

Du H, King RB, Chi P. Self-esteem and subjective well-being revisited: The roles of personal, relational, and collective self-esteem . PLoS One . 2017;12(8):e0183958. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0183958

Sowislo JF, Orth U. Does low self-esteem predict depression and anxiety? A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies . Psychol Bull . 2013;139(1):213-240. doi:10.1037/a0028931

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Mental health conditions: Depression and anxiety .

Reddon H, Meyre D, Cairney J. Physical activity and global self-worth in a longitudinal study . Med Sci Sports Exerc . 2017;49(8):1606-1613. doi:10.1249/MSS.0000000000001275

By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

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6 Simple Ways to Value Yourself More (and Build Self-Esteem)

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What does it mean to value yourself?

Why is it so important to value yourself, 1. stop comparing yourself to others, 2. set boundaries, 3. challenge your negative self-talk, 4. seek therapy, 5. cultivate gratitude, 6. embrace self-compassion, wrapping up.

Self-value and self-worth are two concepts that are often used interchangeably.

Self-worth is defined as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person”.

Self-value goes beyond regarding yourself as worthy or important. As Stonsy (2014) states, “self-value is more behavioral than emotional, more about how you act toward what you value than how you feel about yourself compared to others”.

To have self-value means you not only recognize yourself as inherently worthy but are also willing to invest your time and energy into nurturing and sustaining yourself.

Valuing yourself by putting your needs and desires first is not selfish; it is an integral step to strengthening both your belief in yourself, as well as improving important relationships in your life. Having strong self-value plays an essential role in how you see and treat yourself every single day.

The concept of ‘valuing yourself’ means that you believe you are worthy of love, respect, success, happiness, and all things good. It means you believe in your capabilities and recognize the innate strengths and resilience within you. If you value yourself, it makes it easier to take actionable steps towards growth and achieving your goals.

Valuing yourself does not mean you devalue others. In fact, having a strong sense of self-value means that you also value others, and extend your self-nurture and self-care to the relationships and communities present in your life.

💡 By the way : Do you find it hard to be happy and in control of your life? It may not be your fault. To help you feel better, we’ve condensed the information of 100’s of articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet to help you be more in control. 👇

Don’t Miss Out On Happiness

Find happiness with this 10-step mental health cheat sheet.

Believing in your value is a crucial element of living a life where you feel good about yourself with no influence from another person or external source.

Valuing yourself first allows you to understand and believe you are worthy of love, affection, and good things in life. When you believe these things, it becomes easier to appreciate validation and recognition from the outside world when it comes.

If you do not value yourself, no amount of love, appreciation or recognition from external sources will satisfy you. Rather, devaluing yourself will lead you to believe that you are not deserving of such accolades.

Additionally, it can also lead you to experience more negative self-talk and experience more self-esteem and self-image issues.

A study conducted at the University of Michigan found that college students who based their self-worth on external sources, such as appearance, approval from others, and academic stress, reported higher stress, anger, academic issues, and relationship conflicts and had higher levels of drug and alcohol use, as well as symptoms of eating disorders.

Additionally, the same study found that students who based their self-worth on internal sources, such as being a virtuous person or adhering to moral standards, were found to do better academically, and were less likely to use drugs or alcohol, or develop eating disorders.

Another study found that those with high self-esteem suffer less emotional distress when encountering negative feedback from others. The research clearly illustrates the importance of building a strong sense of internal self-value, rather than basing your self-worth and value on outside sources.

Ways to value yourself more

Building up your sense of self-value is no small feat, but thankfully there are things you can do to help.

We all do it; it is natural to compare yourself to others and think that you are not doing enough or are lacking in some aspect of life.

Comparing yourself to others can have detrimental impacts on your sense of self-value and overall mental health.

It does not matter what other people are doing, what they think of you, or what they have accomplished. Your personal sense of self-value is far more important to nurture and maintain.

Although it is easier said than done, when you stop comparing yourself to others you can begin to focus on your own unique path, your goals, and what you personally value in life.

If you need pointers on this aspect of your life, here’s our article on how to stop comparing yourself to others .

Your self-value and the boundaries you set for yourself go hand in hand.

Setting personal boundaries for yourself means that you get to define how you would like to be treated by others. They allow you to protect yourself from being taken advantage of or mistreated.

Having a strong sense of self-value combined with secure boundaries shows that you respect yourself and that you expect the same respect from others.

Sometimes it can feel uncomfortable to set a boundary, as we feel like it can be mean or selfish (it is not!). However, you are doing yourself a disservice if you are not establishing clear and respectful boundaries in your life, as it can often lead to a pattern of neglecting yourself in order to appease others or tolerating disrespectful or harmful behavior.

The more you are able to practice boundary setting in your life, the more people will treat you with the respect and kindness that you deserve; and those who are unable to abide by those boundaries may not be conducive to the healthy relationships you need and want in your life.

Here’s how to set boundaries in your life with others in 5 simple steps .

Our internal voice plays a significant role in how we see ourselves, others, and the world. Everyone experiences negative self-talk from time to time; it is natural!

What’s important is being able to recognize and challenge your critical self-talk. If you continue to let your inner critic thrive with no challenge or intervention, you will begin to believe these thoughts and treat them as a fact. To build and sustain a strong sense of self-value it is important to be able to first identify when negative self-talk is occurring.

Some common forms of negative self-talk include:

Personalizing: personalization means that you believe that you are to blame for something even if you had little or nothing to do with the outcome, or it is beyond your control. Some examples of personalization include thoughts like “everyone is mad at me” or “it’s all my fault”.
Catastrophizing: this happens when you automatically assume the worst-case scenario is going to happen. For example, “I am not in the mood for hanging out with my friends, but if I don’t go to the party, they will not like me anymore and I will be lonely forever”.
Filtering: filtering means that you amplify the negative parts of a situation and ignore the positive. For example, you just finished playing a soccer game and your coach compliments your performance multiple times. He also adds one piece of constructive criticism. Instead of accepting and appreciating positive feedback, you can only focus on constructive criticism.
Polarizing: when you are experiencing polarizing self-talk, it means you only see things as good or bad. An example of polarizing thoughts is thinking that you have to be perfect or else you are a failure.

These types of negative self-talk can be difficult, but there are things you can do to conquer them. Some common questions you can ask to challenge your negative thoughts include :

Is there any evidence to support this thought?
Is this thought factual? Would it be accepted as a fact by other people?
Am I jumping to conclusions?

Exploring therapy as an option to strengthen your sense of self-value can be extremely beneficial.

Studies show that low self-worth, self-esteem, and self-value can be effectively addressed through therapy.

For example, a case study researching the effectiveness of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for an individual experiencing low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety showed that after completing a course of therapy, they no longer met the diagnostic criteria for any mental health disorder and showed clinically significant improvement in their symptoms.

A therapist can help you to understand the underlying reasons for issues you may be experiencing, including struggling with your self-value and worth.

A therapist can offer a new perspective and assist you in developing the skills to challenge negative self-talk, address past trauma that may be a contributing factor to low self-value, and develop healthy coping strategies.

If you need more convincing, here’s our article on the ways therapy can help you live a happier life .

Gratitude is a powerful tool in enhancing self-value. Start by acknowledging the positive aspects of your life and your personal achievements, no matter how small. This practice shifts focus from what you lack to what you have and are capable of, fostering a deeper appreciation for yourself.

Create a daily routine of listing three things you are grateful for about yourself. This could be related to your character, achievements, or how you’ve overcome a challenge. Regularly recognizing your own worth in this way reinforces self-value and builds a positive self-image.

If you want more tips to cultivate gratitude, here’s one of our articles on how to be more grateful .

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a good friend. It’s about recognizing that imperfection is part of the human experience and not being overly critical of yourself.

Practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself in a gentle, reassuring voice, especially in times of failure or difficulty. Replace self-criticism with self-encouraging words.

Additionally, engage in activities that promote well-being, like meditation or spending time in nature. This approach nurtures a compassionate relationship with yourself, enhancing self-value and emotional resilience.

💡 By the way : If you want to start feeling better and more productive, I’ve condensed the information of 100’s of our articles into a 10-step mental health cheat sheet here. 👇

This Cheat Sheet Will Help You Be Happier and More Productive

Thrive under stress and crush your goals with these 10 unique tips for your mental health.

Having a strong sense of self-value is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Although it can be difficult to value yourself at times, there are positive steps you can take to build up your sense of self-value. By implementing some of the strategies discussed in this article, you can take steps toward positive change, and recognize that you are deserving of respect, love, happiness, and success.

What do you think? Do you find it hard to value yourself? Or do you want to share your own tip on what helped you find your value? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Writer, athlete, social worker, and professional thrift shopper. Born in Canada, but currently living my dream playing professional soccer in Greece. Passionate about mental health advocacy, sewing, singing, and playing guitar.

9 thoughts on “6 Simple Ways to Value Yourself More (and Build Self-Esteem)”

Thank you Jessie Faber, this has really been helpful

Thank you for this article. I hope to impart this wisdom to my children (ages 17-2) and remind them and myself often that they have value and are worthy of love. Thank you for sharing!

Thanks, Leslie, for sharing these words of positivity!

Thank you so much. Valuing myself has always been a challenge. Your article was clear, concise and so helpful! So grateful!

Thank you, Lisa. I’m glad you liked our article!

I find that when I do not have an agenda for the next day I am not motivate to do any thing. But on days that I have a plan or have to go to work I feel better. So making a plan for the next day seems to be a good way to value my self as well as enhance my positive mood for the day.

That’s a great tip! Thanks for sharing, Paula!

I believe I will have a great change in my life about self

That is wonderful me too

Essays About Values: 5 Essay Examples Plus 10 Prompts

Similar to how our values guide us, let this guide with essays about values and writing prompts help you write your essay.

Values are the core principles that guide the actions we take and the choices we make. They are the cornerstones of our identity. On a community or organizational level, values are the moral code that every member must embrace to live harmoniously and work together towards shared goals.

We acquire our values from different sources such as parents, mentors, friends, cultures, and experiences. All of these build on one another — some rejected as we see fit — for us to form our perception of our values and what will lead us to a happy and fulfilled life.

5 Essay Examples

1. what today’s classrooms can learn from ancient cultures by linda flanagan, 2. stand out to your hiring panel with a personal value statement by maggie wooll, 3. make your values mean something by patrick m. lencioni, 4. how greed outstripped need by beth azar, 5. a shift in american family values is fueling estrangement by joshua coleman, 1. my core values, 2. how my upbringing shaped my values, 3. values of today’s youth, 4. values of a good friend, 5. an experience that shaped your values, 6. remembering our values when innovating, 7. important values of school culture, 8. books that influenced your values, 9. religious faith and moral values, 10. schwartz’s theory of basic values.

“Connectedness is another core value among Maya families, and teachers seek to cultivate it… While many American teachers also value relationships with their students, that effort is undermined by the competitive environment seen in many Western classrooms.”

Ancient communities keep their traditions and values of a hands-off approach to raising their kids. They also preserve their hunter-gatherer mindsets and others that help their kids gain patience, initiative, a sense of connectedness, and other qualities that make a helpful child.

“How do you align with the company’s mission and add to its culture? Because it contains such vital information, your personal value statement should stand out on your resume or in your application package.”

Want to rise above other candidates in the jobs market? Then always highlight your value statement. A personal value statement should be short but still, capture the aspirations and values of the company. The essay provides an example of a captivating value statement and tips for crafting one.

“Values can set a company apart from the competition by clarifying its identity and serving as a rallying point for employees. But coming up with strong values—and sticking to them—requires real guts.”

Along with the mission and vision, clear values should dictate a company’s strategic goals. However, several CEOs still needed help to grasp organizational values fully. The essay offers a direction in setting these values and impresses on readers the necessity to preserve them at all costs.

“‘He compared the values held by people in countries with more competitive forms of capitalism with the values of folks in countries that have a more cooperative style of capitalism… These countries rely more on strategic cooperation… rather than relying mostly on free-market competition as the United States does.”

The form of capitalism we have created today has shaped our high value for material happiness. In this process, psychologists said we have allowed our moral and ethical values to drift away from us for greed to take over. You can also check out these essays about utopia .

“From the adult child’s perspective, there might be much to gain from an estrangement: the liberation from those perceived as hurtful or oppressive, the claiming of authority in a relationship, and the sense of control over which people to keep in one’s life. For the mother or father, there is little benefit when their child cuts off contact.”

It is most challenging when the bonds between parent and child weaken in later years. Psychologists have been navigating this problem among modern families, which is not an easy conflict to resolve. It requires both parties to give their best in humbling themselves and understanding their loved ones, no matter how divergent their values are.

10 Writing Prompts On Essays About Values

For this topic prompt, contemplate your non-negotiable core values and why you strive to observe them at all costs. For example, you might value honesty and integrity above all else. Expound on why cultivating fundamental values leads to a happy and meaningful life. Finally, ponder other values you would like to gain for your future self. Write down how you have been practicing to adopt these aspired values.

Essays About Values: How my upbringing shaped my values

Many of our values may have been instilled in us during childhood. This essay discusses the essential values you gained from your parents or teachers while growing up. Expound on their importance in helping you flourish in your adult years. Then, offer recommendations on what households, schools, or communities can do to ensure that more young people adopt these values.

Is today’s youth lacking essential values, or is there simply a shift in what values generations uphold? Strive to answer this and write down the healthy values that are emerging and dying. Then think of ways society can preserve healthy values while doing away with bad ones. Of course, this change will always start at home, so also encourage parents, as role models, to be mindful of their words, actions and behavior.

The greatest gift in life is friendship. In this essay, enumerate the top values a friend should have. You may use your best friend as an example. Then, cite the best traits your best friend has that have influenced you to be a better version of yourself. Finally, expound on how these values can effectively sustain a healthy friendship in the long term.

We all have that one defining experience that has forever changed how we see life and the values we hold dear. Describe yours through storytelling with the help of our storytelling guide . This experience may involve a decision, a conversation you had with someone, or a speech you heard at an event.

With today’s innovation, scientists can make positive changes happen. But can we truly exercise our values when we fiddle with new technologies whose full extent of positive and adverse effects we do not yet understand such as AI? Contemplate this question and look into existing regulations on how we curb the creation or use of technologies that go against our values. Finally, assess these rules’ effectiveness and other options society has.

Essays About Values: Important values of school culture

Highlight a school’s role in honing a person’s values. Then, look into the different aspects of your school’s culture. Identify which best practices distinct in your school are helping students develop their values. You could consider whether your teachers exhibit themselves as admirable role models or specific parts of the curriculum that help you build good character.

In this essay, recommend your readers to pick up your favorite books, particularly those that served as pathways to enlightening insights and values. To start, provide a summary of the book’s story. It would be better if you could do so without revealing too much to avoid spoiling your readers’ experience. Then, elaborate on how you have applied the values you learned from the book.

For many, religious faith is the underlying reason for their values. For this prompt, explore further the inextricable links between religion and values. If you identify with a certain religion, share your thoughts on the values your sector subscribes to. You can also tread the more controversial path on the conflicts of religious values with socially accepted beliefs or practices, such as abortion.

Dive deeper into the ten universal values that social psychologist Shalom Schwartz came up with: power, achievement, hedonism, stimulation, self-direction, universalism, benevolence, tradition, conformity, and security. Look into their connections and conflicts against each other. Then, pick your favorite value and explain how you relate to it the most. Also, find if value conflicts within you, as theorized by Schwartz.

Make sure to check out our round-up of the best essay checkers . If you want to use the latest grammar software, read our guide on using an AI grammar checker .

Yna Lim is a communications specialist currently focused on policy advocacy. In her eight years of writing, she has been exposed to a variety of topics, including cryptocurrency, web hosting, agriculture, marketing, intellectual property, data privacy and international trade. A former journalist in one of the top business papers in the Philippines, Yna is currently pursuing her master's degree in economics and business.

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Home — Essay Samples — Philosophy — Values of Life — My Personal Values in Life

My Personal Values in Life

Categories: Values of Life

About this sample

Words: 773 |

Published: Jan 31, 2024

Words: 773 | Pages: 2 | 4 min read

Introduction, body paragraph 1: personal value 1, body paragraph 2: personal value 2, body paragraph 3: personal value 3, counterargument.

Adler, M. J. (2000). The four dimensions of philosophy: Metaphysical, moral, objective, categorical. Routledge.
Miller, W. R., & Thoresen, C. E. (2003). Spirituality, religion, and health: An emerging research field. American Psychologist, 58(1), 24-35.
Peterson, C., & Seligman, M. E. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. Oxford University Press.

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How much do you value yourself, a radical prescription for personal, and world, peace..

Posted June 25, 2014 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

The age of entitlement is, not coincidentally, the age of high self-esteem . Self-esteem, as defined by standard measures, is a function of how we feel about ourselves—based mostly on comparison to others. It often has a hierarchical bias —we’re better than some, but not as good as others. It has a dark side, too, as indicated by the research of Roy Baumeister and colleagues and summarized in the book, Evil: Inside Human Violence and Cruelty. High self-esteem tends to create a sense of entitlement. When the world does not meet their entitlement needs, many with high self-esteem feel wronged and may retaliate with manipulation, abuse, or violence.

Self-value is more behavioral than emotional, more about how you act toward what you value , including yourself, than how you feel about yourself compared to others . It necessarily includes self-care.

To value something goes beyond regarding it as important; you also appreciate its qualities, while investing time, energy, effort, and sacrifice in its nurturing or maintenance. If you value a da Vinci painting, you focus on its beauty and design more than the cracks in the paint, and, above all, you treat it well, making sure that it is maintained in ideal conditions and shielded from direct lighting. Similarly, people with high self-value appreciate their own better qualities (even while trying to improve their lesser ones) and take care of their physical and psychological health, growth, and development.

Now here's the tricky part. In contrast to high self-esteem, with its tendency toward entitlement, people with high self-value necessarily value others . Where self-esteem is hierarchical, self-value is about equality. Here's why: When we value others, we value ourselves more—we elevate our sense of well-being and facilitate our health, growth, and development. (Think of how you feel when you’re loving and compassionate to those you love.) When we devalue someone else, we devalue ourselves—our sense of well being deteriorates, we violate our basic humanity to some degree, and become more narrow and rigid in perspective, all of which impair growth and development. (Think of how you feel when you devalue loved ones.) In other words, when you value someone else you experience a state of value—vitality, meaning, and purpose—and when you devalue someone else, you experience a devalued state, wherein the will to live well becomes less important than the will to control or dominate or at least be seen as right.

Valuing others makes our self-value soar. It also carries substantial social reward; showing value tends to invoke reciprocity and cooperation . Devaluing others, though, causes reactivity and resistance. It makes us look for something to be cranky about, so the low-grade adrenaline can inflate our egos enough to get us through the day.

In general, the more we value other people, animals, and things, the stronger our self-value becomes; the more we devalue, the lower our self-value sinks, making elaborate and often self-destructive ego defenses—chronic resentment, anger , substance abuse , impulsive behavior, or abuse of others—seem necessary.

A radical approach to self-value makes these and other maladaptive ego defenses unnecessary. Here's how to get there:

1. Physical Well-Being. Commit to making your physical health important and worthy of appreciation, time, energy, and sacrifice. Begin by reading widely available information about wellness, diet , and exercise, and decide which are optimal for you. Pursue your regimen of health vigorously—not only for yourself, but to make the world a better place.

2. Emotional Well-Being. Make your emotional well-being worthy of appreciation, time, energy, and sacrifice. Emotional well-being has many dimensions:

Honor your deepest values. The most potent contributor to consistent emotional well-being is fidelity to your deepest values. When we are true to our deepest values—whatever they are—we feel more genuine. When we violate those values, we experience guilt , shame , and anxiety —not as punishments, but as reminders to be authentic. If your life feels genuine, with sustained interest, purpose, conviction, and compassion, you have created a set of values and more or less kept true to them.
Survey your environment. We continually survey our environment for objects of attraction and threat—as one evolutionary anthropologist put it, food, affiliation, sex , saber-tooth tigers, and snakes in the grass. Many people, as researcher John Gottman has said, continually survey their environment for anything that might possibly be negative. They have trained their brains, quite inadvertently, to look for things that will make them feel down, resentful, anxious, or angry, which they inevitably find and almost always blame on the people around them. Fortunately, our brains can do the opposite—look for something to appreciate, enjoy, or be interested in—although it takes practice, as well as commitment to emotional well-being. We have very little control over the environment we live in, but we have considerable control over where in the environment to aim our focus. There are innumerable things around us that can stimulate interest, curiosity, enjoyment, courage, compassion, and kindness. Seek them out.
Act on what's most important. Much of the suffering in the world occurs when people violate what is most important to them by acting on what is less important. Think of the big mistakes you’ve made in life: Nearly every one probably involves devaluing someone or something important to you by acting on something that was not as important.
Value when feeling devalued. When we feel devalued, we feel we must do something that will make us feel more valuable—not more powerful. The easiest way to feel valuable is to be compassionate, kind, or loving. This is a simple but transformative skill, which anyone can acquire with practice. When you feel powerless, do something that will make you feel more valuable (e.g., compassionate, kind, or loving). In 20 minutes—or less, if not a lot of cortisol was secreted with the negative emotion —your self-value will be higher than before the powerless feeling occurred.

Learn more at CompassionPower .

Steven Stosny, Ph.D., treats people for anger and relationship problems. His recent books include How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about It and Love Without Hurt .

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Essay on My Values

Students are often asked to write an essay on My Values in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on My Values

What are values.

Values are like invisible guides that help us make choices. Imagine them as a compass that points us to what feels right and good. They are the beliefs that we hold dear and they shape how we behave with others and how we treat ourselves.

My Important Values

Kindness is one of my top values. This means I try to be friendly and caring to everyone. Honesty is another; I believe in telling the truth. Lastly, respect is crucial to me. I aim to honor others’ feelings and views.

Values in Daily Life

Every day, my values guide me. When I share my toys, that’s kindness. If I make a mistake and tell the truth, that’s honesty. When I listen to my friends, even if we disagree, that’s showing respect. These values help me live happily with others.

Why Values Matter

Values are important because they help us live together peacefully. When we all use values like kindness, honesty, and respect, our school and home become better places. Values make us better friends, students, and family members. They are the heart of a happy life.

250 Words Essay on My Values

Values are like stars that guide us through life. They are the important beliefs that help us decide what is good and bad. They shape how we act with friends, in school, and with our family.

One of my main values is kindness. This means I try to be friendly and caring to everyone. If someone falls down, I will help them get up. Sharing my toys with others is also part of being kind. Kindness makes the world a happier place for everyone.

Being honest is another value I hold dear. This means I always tell the truth, even when it’s hard. If I break something, I admit it. Honesty builds trust, and when people trust you, they believe in you more.

Respect is treating others the way you want to be treated. I listen when others are speaking and do not interrupt. I also take care of things around me, like books and toys, because showing respect makes everyone feel valued.

I also believe in hard work. This means I try my best at school and when I help at home. Even when a task is difficult, I do not give up. Working hard teaches me that I can overcome challenges.

These values of kindness, honesty, respect, and hard work are like the roots of a tree. They keep me strong and steady. Living by these values makes me a better friend, student, and family member.

500 Words Essay on My Values

Introduction to my values.

Values are like a compass that guides us through life. They are the beliefs and ideas that are important to us and help us decide what is right and wrong. Just like a tree has roots that keep it steady, our values keep us grounded and help us grow in the right direction.

One of my most important values is honesty. It means telling the truth and being fair. When I am honest, my friends and family trust me, and it makes me feel good about myself. It is like a clear sky without clouds, where everyone can see everything clearly. Being honest can sometimes be hard, especially if I make a mistake, but admitting it and trying to fix it is the right thing to do.

Kindness is like a warm blanket on a cold day. It is about being friendly, generous, and considerate to others. When I am kind to people, it can make their day better and it makes me happy too. It doesn’t cost anything to smile or help someone, but it can mean a lot. Even animals and plants deserve kindness because they are part of our world.

Respect is treating others the way I want to be treated. It is like a game where everyone plays by the rules and has fun. I show respect by listening to others, being polite, and caring about their feelings. It doesn’t matter if someone is younger, older, or different from me; everyone deserves respect. When I respect others, they usually respect me back.

Responsibility

Being responsible is like being the captain of a ship. I am in charge of my actions and the choices I make. It means doing my homework, cleaning up my mess, and taking care of my things. When I am responsible, my parents and teachers trust me with more important tasks, and I feel proud of myself.

Perseverance

Perseverance is like a tiny seed that grows into a big tree, no matter how tough it gets. It means not giving up, even when things are hard. When I keep trying, I learn new things and get better at what I do. It’s okay to fail sometimes because that’s how I learn to succeed.

My values are the invisible threads that connect all my actions and thoughts. They may seem small, like the pieces of a puzzle, but when they come together, they create the big picture of who I am. Honesty, kindness, respect, responsibility, and perseverance are the values that light up my path. They help me make friends, do well in school, and be a good person. Just like a seed needs water and sunlight to grow, I need my values to become the best version of myself.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

Essay on My Village Church
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Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

Happy studying!

My Values And Beliefs (Essay/Paper Sample)

Table of Contents

Introduction

Who we are and what we do are largely shaped by important values and beliefs in life. It’s important that we are aware of these two as they are the True North of our decision-making. They also guide our personal relationships.

This custom essay tackles my beliefs in life, as well as my main values. This is my simple way of checking in on my personal life and assessing my code of ethics.

Would you like to write your own essay about beliefs and good values? Connect with Essay Basics so that we can help you in your creative process.

What are my values and beliefs essay

I grew up under my parents’ care. Throughout my life, they consistently told me that the beauty of life is experienced fully only by those who work hard.

Mother Carrying Her Baby while Working From Home

As a kid, that did not sound relevant to me. My parents made sure I was looked after well; food, shelter, clothing, schooling, and healthcare were all easily accessible to me. I was comfortable without even breaking a sweat. All I did was just ask for what I wanted.

I never thought to consider what my parents were going through to make ends meet. I thought that every kid had it good like me. My parents never seemed anxious, even if they know they had to find a way to provide for the family.

How I’m doing today

I am all grown up now. I am about to complete my studies and start a fresh chapter of life – living independently, not requiring financial support from my parents. Thanks to the example they set, I now know the true value of hard work. It’s ingrained in me.

However, living in the 21st century is quite a challenge, thanks to the state of the world we live in. With the issue of gender equality yet to be completely resolved, it is even harder for us women. It’s only those who somehow manage to get heard that get a seat at the table.

Positive young African American female freelancer in casual clothes talking on smartphone and drinking coffee while working remotely on laptop at home

Doing honest work and giving it my best brings me sheer joy and satisfaction. Over the years, I have earned the respect of my peers and mentors because of what I stand for. I believe in sowing good seeds in fertile ground for an abundant harvest.

Courage and confidence

I made one of my life-altering decisions at the young age of 15. I embraced courage and confidence. Standing in front of a multitude of people at a conference hall to deliver a speech is just like a walk in the park for me.

Nowadays, I can approach anyone without fear and I can achieve anything I put my mind to. However, the early stages of my teenage life were a mess. I was shy and got picked on, bullied, and harassed many times.

Throughout that ordeal, I tried to fit in and be accepted by the cool girls in my school. I would do the impossible for them – even sneak in contraband just to please them. How naïve of me! Still, they never accepted me. Experiencing this shone a light on the real state of my heart and mind.

Openness and transparency

My life is such an open book. There is nothing I have to hide. I love talking about all my experiences, emotions, dreams and goals, especially with people younger than me. I have gone through a lot in life, and I am sure that I am neither the first nor the last to experience what I have experienced.

Equal rights and respect for all

I believe that regardless of one’s race or gender, everyone is equal and should be treated with the uttermost respect and dignity. Observance of human rights is paramount to maintaining a civilized society.

Discipline, hard work, and positivity

I have always believed that discipline and hard work are like ingredients in a recipe to achieve one’s goals and aspirations. At the same time, maintaining a positive attitude and drive undisputedly translates to success and prosperity. I believe these are core values that have shaped me into who I am today.

In as much as I always strive to do my best in everything tasked to me, I understand that not everything I plan will pan out as expected. It’s so important, therefore, to maintain a positive attitude regardless of the outcome of my efforts.

In life, there are always ups and downs. I seek to stay happy and content whether I succeed or fail. I am in no way perfect, but thanks to my personal values, I am able to attain this.

I encourage you to make your own personal values your moral compass. It will help you become a better person and help you pursue your personal goals.

Short Personal Beliefs Essay

What is your personal code? What are the values and beliefs that define you as a person?

It is important for us to be aware of our beliefs and values as they tell us what our convictions are and how much we are willing to sacrifice to uphold them. They inform us what is important to us at the end of the day.

Personally, I adhere to the following values: honesty, responsibility, and unconditional love. These three for me are the key foundations to healthy personal relationships.

Honesty enables me to be transparent in sharing my unmet needs and expectations of others. Any relationship that withholds this kind of information will never flourish.

Responsibility for me is taking ownership of your role in any relationship. You hold yourself accountable for any action you take towards a person. It means you don’t get defensive if your intent was not recognized. Instead, you own up to the consequences of your decisions no matter the motivation.

Man in Blue White and Red Plaid Dress Shirt

Finally, unconditional love is the cornerstone of all these. Being able to dispense grace and not expecting anything in return is the key to a forgiving and nourishing relationship. Love doesn’t hold grudges.

Difference Between Values and Beliefs

Both values and beliefs have a place in culture, and they actually inform each other. A value answers the question, ” What is good?” while a belief answers the question, “What is true?” Values are the manner by which you approach or respond to a person or situation. Beliefs are the convictions or inner narratives we hold that define our values. The two combined are a reflection of our worldview or our perception of reality.

Why are values and beliefs important?

They are important because they are part of our DNA. Our identity and our sense of worth are rooted in what we value and believe in. Without having high self-awareness, we will not be able to identify what values or convictions hold true for us. They influence our moral compass and drive us to respond the way we do. They are a crucial way of understanding ourselves better and knowing what we need to work on. They are part of us knowing ourselves in relation to others. We must recognize the weight of their impact on our decision-making. Without both, we would always be susceptible to our blind spots and weaknesses. Knowing what is valuable to us allows us to choose whose opinions ultimately matter. It also guides us in resolving conflict. They give us a sense of personal right and wrong. They allow us to reflect accurately. Finally, it allows us to apply wisdom in every aspect of our lives.

Are you looking for a quality essay writing service? Don’t waste your time because EssayBasics is the best place to buy an essay .

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Essay on Myself: 100 Words, 250 Words and 300 Words

Updated on
Mar 12, 2024

Every Individual is different from each other and it is important to self-analyze and know about yourself. Only you can know everything about yourself. But, when it comes to describing yourself in front of others many students fail to do so. This happens due to the confusion generated by a student’s mind regarding what things to include in their description. This confusion never arises when someone is told to give any opinion about others. This blog will help students and children resolve the confusion and it also includes an essay on myself.

While writing an “essay on myself” you should have a unique style so that the reader would engage in your essay. It’s important to induce the urge to know about you in the reader then only you can perform well in your class. I would suggest you include your qualities, strengths, achievements, interests, and passion in your essay. Continue Reading for Essays on myself for children and students!

Quick Read: Speech on Earth Day

This Blog Includes:

Long and short essay on myself for students, tips to write essay on myself, 100 words essay on myself, 250 words essay on myself, 10 lines on myself essay for children, 300 words essay on myself.

Quick Read: English Essay Topics

Mentioned below are essays on myself with variable word limits. You can choose the essay that you want to present in your class. These essays are drafted in simple language so that school students can easily understand. In addition, the main point to remember while writing an essay on myself is to be honest. Your honesty will help you connect with the reader.

Tell me about yourself is also one of the most important questions asked in the interview process. Therefore, this blog is very helpful for people who want to learn about how to write an essay on myself.

Given below are some tips to write an essay on myself:

Prepare a basic outline of what to include in the essay about yourself.
Stick to the structure to maintain fluency.
Be honest to build a connection with the reader.
Use simple language.
Try to include a crisp and clear conclusion.

I am a dedicated person with an urge to learn and grow. My name is Rakul, and I feel life is a journey that leads to self-discovery. I belong to a middle-class family, my father is a handloom businessman, and my mother is a primary school teacher .

I have learned punctuality and discipline are the two wheels that drive our life on a positive path. My mother is my role model. I am passionate about reading novels. When I was younger, my grandmother used to narrate stories about her life in the past and that has built my interest towards reading stories and novels related to history.

Overall I am an optimistic person who looks forward to life as a subject that teaches us values and ways to live for the upliftment of society.

Kajal Thareja

Hi, I am Kajal, a pharmacy graduate, currently pursuing management and is an experienced content writer. I have 2-years of writing experience in Ed-tech (digital marketing) company. I am passionate towards writing blogs and am on the path of discovering true potential professionally in the field of content marketing. I am engaged in writing creative content for students which is simple yet creative and engaging and leaves an impact on the reader's mind.

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Essay on Values for Students and Children

500+ words essay on values.

Importance of Values

For an individual, values are most important. An individual with good values is loved by everyone around as he is compassionate about others and also he behaves ethically.

Values Help in Decision Making

A person is able to judge what is right and what is wrong based on the values he imbibes. In life at various steps, it makes the decision-making process easier. A person with good values is always likely to make better decisions than others.

Values Can Give Direction to Our Life

In life, Values give us clear goals. They always tell us how we should behave and act in different situations and give the right direction to our life. In life, a person with good values can take better charge.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Values Can Build Character

If a person wants a strong character, then he has to possesses good values such as honesty , loyalty, reliability, efficiency, consistency, compassion, determination, and courage. Values always help in building our character.

Values Can Help in Building a Society

If u want a better society then people need to bear good values. Values play an important role in society. They only need to do their hard work, with compassion, honesty, and other values. Such people will help in the growth of society and make it a much better place to live.

Characteristics of Values

Values are always based on various things. While the basic values remain the same across cultures and are intact since centuries some values may vary. Values may be specific to a society or age. In the past, it was considered that women with good moral values must stay at home and not voice their opinion on anything but however, this has changed over time. Our culture and society determine the values to a large extent. We imbibe values during our childhood years and they remain with us throughout our life.

Family always plays the most important role in rendering values to us. Decisions in life are largely based on the values we possess. Values are permanent and seldom change. A person is always known by the values he possesses. The values of a person always reflect on his attitude and overall personality.

The Decline of Values in the Modern Times

While values are of great importance and we are all aware of the same unfortunately people these days are so engrossed in making money and building a good lifestyle that they often overlook the importance of values. At the age when children must be taught good values, they are taught to fight and survive in this competitive world. Their academics and performance in other activities are given importance over their values.

Parents , as well as teachers, teach them how to take on each other and win by any means instead of inculcating good sportsman spirit in them and teaching them values such as integrity, compassion, and patience. Children always look up to their elders as their role models and it is unfortunate that elders these days have a lack of values. Therefore the children learn the same.

In order to help him grow into a responsible and wise human being, it is important for people to realize that values must be given topmost priority in a child’s life because children are the future of the society. There can be nothing better in a society where a majority of people have good values and they follow the ethical norms.

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Guest Essay

When I Became a Birder, Almost Everything Else Fell Into Place

An illustration showing a birder standing quietly looking through binoculars in four scenes. In the third scene, he says, “Amazing.”

Mr. Yong is a science writer whose most recent book, “An Immense World,” investigates animal perception.

Last September, I drove to a protected wetland near my home in Oakland, Calif., walked to the end of a pier and started looking at birds. Throughout the summer, I was breaking in my first pair of binoculars, a Sibley field guide and the Merlin song-identification app, but always while hiking or walking the dog. On that pier, for the first time, I had gone somewhere solely to watch birds.

In some birding circles, people say that anyone who looks at birds is a birder — a kind, inclusive sentiment that overlooks the forces that create and shape subcultures. Anyone can dance, but not everyone would identify as a dancer, because the term suggests, if not skill, then at least effort and intent. Similarly, I’ve cared about birds and other animals for my entire life, and I’ve written about them throughout my two decades as a science writer, but I mark the moment when I specifically chose to devote time and energy to them as the moment I became a birder.

Since then, my birder derangement syndrome has progressed at an alarming pace. Seven months ago, I was still seeing very common birds for the first time. Since then, I’ve seen 452 species, including 337 in the United States, and 307 this year alone. I can reliably identify a few dozen species by ear. I can tell apart greater and lesser yellowlegs, house and purple finches, Cooper’s and sharp-shinned hawks. (Don’t talk to me about gulls; I’m working on the gulls.) I keep abreast of eBird’s rare bird alerts and have spent many days — some glorious, others frustrating — looking for said rare birds. I know what it means to dip, to twitch, to pish . I’ve gone owling.

I didn’t start from scratch. A career spent writing about nature gave me enough avian biology and taxonomy to roughly know the habitats and silhouettes of the major groups. Journalism taught me how to familiarize myself with unfamiliar territory very quickly. I crowdsourced tips on the social media platform Bluesky . I went out with experienced birders to learn how they move through a landscape and what cues they attend to.

I studied up on birds that are famously difficult to identify so that when I first saw them in the field, I had an inkling of what they were without having to check a field guide. I used the many tools now available to novices: EBird shows where other birders go and reveals how different species navigate space and time; Merlin is best known as an identification app but is secretly an incredible encyclopedia; Birding Quiz lets you practice identifying species based on fleeting glances at bad angles.

This all sounds rather extra, and birding is often defined by its excesses. At its worst, it becomes an empty process of collection that turns living things into abstract numbers on meaningless lists. But even that style of birding is harder without knowledge. To find the birds, you have to know them. And in the process of knowing them, much else falls into place.

Birding has tripled the time I spend outdoors. It has pushed me to explore Oakland in ways I never would have: Amazing hot spots lurk within industrial areas, sewage treatment plants and random residential parks. It has proved more meditative than meditation. While birding, I seem impervious to heat, cold, hunger and thirst. My senses focus resolutely on the present, and the usual hubbub in my head becomes quiet. When I spot a species for the first time — a lifer — I course with adrenaline while being utterly serene.

I also feel a much deeper connection to the natural world, which I have long written about but always remained slightly distant from. I knew that the loggerhead shrike — a small but ferocious songbird — impales the bodies of its prey on spikes. I’ve now seen one doing that with my own eyes. I know where to find the shrikes and what they sound like. Countless fragments of unrooted trivia that rattled around my brain are now grounded in place, time and experience.

When I step out my door in the morning, I take an aural census of the neighborhood, tuning in to the chatter of creatures that were always there and that I might have previously overlooked. The passing of the seasons feels more granular, marked by the arrival and disappearance of particular species instead of much slower changes in day length, temperature and greenery. I find myself noticing small shifts in the weather and small differences in habitat. I think about the tides.

So much more of the natural world feels close and accessible now. When I started birding, I remember thinking that I’d never see most of the species in my field guide. Sure, backyard birds like robins and western bluebirds would be easy, but not black skimmers or peregrine falcons or loggerhead shrikes. I had internalized the idea of nature as distant and remote — the province of nature documentaries and far-flung vacations. But in the past six months, I’ve seen soaring golden eagles, heard duetting great horned owls, watched dancing sandhill cranes and marveled at diving Pacific loons, all within an hour of my house. “I’ll never see that” has turned into “Where can I find that?”

Of course, having the time to bird is an immense privilege. As a freelancer, I have total control over my hours and my ability to get out in the field. “Are you a retiree?” a fellow birder recently asked me. “You’re birding like a retiree.” I laughed, but the comment spoke to the idea that things like birding are what you do when you’re not working, not being productive.

I reject that. These recent years have taught me that I’m less when I’m not actively looking after myself, that I have value to my world and my community beyond ceaseless production and that pursuits like birding that foster joy, wonder and connection to place are not sidebars to a fulfilled life but their essence.

It’s easy to think of birding as an escape from reality. Instead, I see it as immersion in the true reality. I don’t need to know who the main characters are on social media and what everyone is saying about them, when I can instead spend an hour trying to find a rare sparrow. It’s very clear to me which of those two activities is the more ridiculous. It’s not the one with the sparrow.

More of those sparrows are imminent. I’m about to witness my first spring migration as warblers and other delights pass through the Bay Area. Birds I’ve seen only in drab grays are about to don their spectacular breeding plumages. Familiar species are about to burst out in new tunes that I’ll have to learn. I have my first lazuli bunting to see, my first blue grosbeak to find, my first least terns to photograph. I can’t wait.

Ed Yong is a science writer whose most recent book, “An Immense World,” investigates animal perception.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

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Why watching the 2024 total solar eclipse might change your life

Regina Barber, photographed for NPR, 6 June 2022, in Washington DC. Photo by Farrah Skeiky for NPR.

Regina G. Barber

Science writer David Baron witnesses his first total solar eclipse in Aruba, 1998. He says seeing one is "like you've left the solar system and are looking back from some other world." Paul Myers hide caption

Science writer David Baron witnesses his first total solar eclipse in Aruba, 1998. He says seeing one is "like you've left the solar system and are looking back from some other world."

David Baron can pinpoint the first time he got addicted to chasing total solar eclipses, when the moon completely covers up the sun. It was 1998 and he was on the Caribbean island of Aruba. "It changed my life. It was the most spectacular thing I'd ever seen," he says.

Baron, author of the 2017 book American Eclipse: A Nation's Epic Race to Catch the Shadow of the Moon and Win the Glory of the World , wants others to witness its majesty too. On April 8, millions of people across North America will get that chance — a total solar eclipse will appear in the sky. Baron promises it will be a surreal, otherworldly experience. "It's like you've left the solar system and are looking back from some other world."

Baron, who is a former NPR science reporter, talks to Life Kit about what to expect when viewing a total solar eclipse, including the sensations you may feel and the strange lighting effects in the sky. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Baron views the beginning of a solar eclipse with friends in Western Australia in 2023. Baron says getting to see the solar corona during a total eclipse is "the most dazzling sight in the heavens." Photographs by David Baron; Bronson Arcuri, Kara Frame, CJ Riculan/NPR; Collage by Becky Harlan/NPR hide caption

Baron views the beginning of a solar eclipse with friends in Western Australia in 2023. Baron says getting to see the solar corona during a total eclipse is "the most dazzling sight in the heavens."

What does it feel like to experience a total solar eclipse — those few precious minutes when the moon completely covers up the sun?

It is beautiful and absolutely magnificent. It comes on all of a sudden. As soon as the moon blocks the last rays of the sun, you're plunged into this weird twilight in the middle of the day. You look up and the blue sky has been torn away. On any given day, the blue sky overhead acts as a screen that keeps us from seeing what's in space. And suddenly that's gone. So you can look into the middle of the solar system and see the sun and the planets together.

Can you tell me about the sounds and the emotions you're feeling?

A total solar eclipse is so much more than something you just see with your eyes. It's something you experience with your whole body. [With the drop in sunlight], birds will be going crazy. Crickets may be chirping. If you're around other people, they're going to be screaming and crying [with all their emotions from seeing the eclipse]. The air temperature drops because the sunlight suddenly turns off. And you're immersed in the moon's shadow. It doesn't feel real.

Everything you need to know about solar eclipse glasses before April 8

In your 2017 Ted Talk , you said you felt like your eyesight was failing in the moments before totality. Can you go into that a little more?

The lighting effects are very weird. Before you get to the total eclipse, you have a progressive partial eclipse as the moon slowly covers the sun. So over the course of an hour [or so], the sunlight will be very slowly dimming. It's as if you're in a room in a house and someone is very slowly turning down the dimmer switch. For most of that time your eyes are adjusting and you don't notice it. But then there's a point at which the light's getting so dim that your eyes can't adjust, and weird things happen. Your eyes are less able to see color. It's as if the landscape is losing its color. Also there's an effect where the shadows get very strange.

Crescent-shaped shadows cast by the solar eclipse before it reaches totality appear on a board at an eclipse-viewing event in Antelope, Ore., 2017. Kara Frame and CJ Riculan/NPR hide caption

You see these crescents on the ground.

There are two things that happen. One is if you look under a tree, the spaces between leaves or branches will act as pinhole projectors. So you'll see tiny little crescents everywhere. But there's another effect. As the sun goes from this big orb in the sky to something much smaller, shadows grow sharper. As you're nearing the total eclipse, if you have the sun behind you and you look at your shadow on the ground, you might see individual hairs on your head. It's just very odd.

Some people might say that seeing the partial eclipse is just as good. They don't need to go to the path of totality.

A partial solar eclipse is a very interesting experience. If you're in an area where you see a deep partial eclipse, the sun will become a crescent like the moon. You can only look at it with eye protection. Don't look at it with the naked eye . The light can get eerie. It's fun, but it is not a thousandth as good as a total eclipse.

A total eclipse is a fundamentally different experience, because it's only when the moon completely blocks the sun that you can actually take off the eclipse glasses and look with the naked eye at the sun.

And you will see a sun you've never seen before. That bright surface is gone. What you're actually looking at is the sun's outer atmosphere, the solar corona. It's the most dazzling sight in the heavens. It's this beautiful textured thing. It looks sort of like a wreath or a crown made out of tinsel or strands of silk. It shimmers in space. The shape is constantly changing. And you will only see that if you're in the path of the total eclipse.

Shots - Health News

Watching a solar eclipse without the right filters can cause eye damage. here's why.

So looking at a partial eclipse is not the same?

It is not at all the same. Drive those few miles. Get into the path of totality.

This is really your chance to see a total eclipse. The next one isn't happening across the U.S. for another 20 years.

The next significant total solar eclipse in the United States won't be until 2045. That one will go from California to Florida and will cross my home state of Colorado. I've got it on my calendar.

The digital story was written by Malaka Gharib and edited by Sylvie Douglis and Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at [email protected].

Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify , and sign up for our newsletter .

Correction April 3, 2024

In a previous audio version of this story, we made reference to an upcoming 2025 total solar eclipse. The solar eclipse in question will take place in 2045.

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That Viral Essay Wasn’t About Age Gaps. It Was About Marrying Rich.

But both tactics are flawed if you want to have any hope of becoming yourself..

Women are wisest, a viral essay in New York magazine’s the Cut argues , to maximize their most valuable cultural assets— youth and beauty—and marry older men when they’re still very young. Doing so, 27-year-old writer Grazie Sophia Christie writes, opens up a life of ease, and gets women off of a male-defined timeline that has our professional and reproductive lives crashing irreconcilably into each other. Sure, she says, there are concessions, like one’s freedom and entire independent identity. But those are small gives in comparison to a life in which a person has no adult responsibilities, including the responsibility to become oneself.

This is all framed as rational, perhaps even feminist advice, a way for women to quit playing by men’s rules and to reject exploitative capitalist demands—a choice the writer argues is the most obviously intelligent one. That other Harvard undergraduates did not busy themselves trying to attract wealthy or soon-to-be-wealthy men seems to flummox her (taking her “high breasts, most of my eggs, plausible deniability when it came to purity, a flush ponytail, a pep in my step that had yet to run out” to the Harvard Business School library, “I could not understand why my female classmates did not join me, given their intelligence”). But it’s nothing more than a recycling of some of the oldest advice around: For women to mold themselves around more-powerful men, to never grow into independent adults, and to find happiness in a state of perpetual pre-adolescence, submission, and dependence. These are odd choices for an aspiring writer (one wonders what, exactly, a girl who never wants to grow up and has no idea who she is beyond what a man has made her into could possibly have to write about). And it’s bad advice for most human beings, at least if what most human beings seek are meaningful and happy lives.

But this is not an essay about the benefits of younger women marrying older men. It is an essay about the benefits of younger women marrying rich men. Most of the purported upsides—a paid-for apartment, paid-for vacations, lives split between Miami and London—are less about her husband’s age than his wealth. Every 20-year-old in the country could decide to marry a thirtysomething and she wouldn’t suddenly be gifted an eternal vacation.

Which is part of what makes the framing of this as an age-gap essay both strange and revealing. The benefits the writer derives from her relationship come from her partner’s money. But the things she gives up are the result of both their profound financial inequality and her relative youth. Compared to her and her peers, she writes, her husband “struck me instead as so finished, formed.” By contrast, “At 20, I had felt daunted by the project of becoming my ideal self.” The idea of having to take responsibility for her own life was profoundly unappealing, as “adulthood seemed a series of exhausting obligations.” Tying herself to an older man gave her an out, a way to skip the work of becoming an adult by allowing a father-husband to mold her to his desires. “My husband isn’t my partner,” she writes. “He’s my mentor, my lover, and, only in certain contexts, my friend. I’ll never forget it, how he showed me around our first place like he was introducing me to myself: This is the wine you’ll drink, where you’ll keep your clothes, we vacation here, this is the other language we’ll speak, you’ll learn it, and I did.”

These, by the way, are the things she says are benefits of marrying older.

The downsides are many, including a basic inability to express a full range of human emotion (“I live in an apartment whose rent he pays and that constrains the freedom with which I can ever be angry with him”) and an understanding that she owes back, in some other form, what he materially provides (the most revealing line in the essay may be when she claims that “when someone says they feel unappreciated, what they really mean is you’re in debt to them”). It is clear that part of what she has paid in exchange for a paid-for life is a total lack of any sense of self, and a tacit agreement not to pursue one. “If he ever betrayed me and I had to move on, I would survive,” she writes, “but would find in my humor, preferences, the way I make coffee or the bed nothing that he did not teach, change, mold, recompose, stamp with his initials.”

Reading Christie’s essay, I thought of another one: Joan Didion’s on self-respect , in which Didion argues that “character—the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life—is the source from which self-respect springs.” If we lack self-respect, “we are peculiarly in thrall to everyone we see, curiously determined to live out—since our self-image is untenable—their false notions of us.” Self-respect may not make life effortless and easy. But it means that whenever “we eventually lie down alone in that notoriously un- comfortable bed, the one we make ourselves,” at least we can fall asleep.

It can feel catty to publicly criticize another woman’s romantic choices, and doing so inevitably opens one up to accusations of jealousy or pettiness. But the stories we tell about marriage, love, partnership, and gender matter, especially when they’re told in major culture-shaping magazines. And it’s equally as condescending to say that women’s choices are off-limits for critique, especially when those choices are shared as universal advice, and especially when they neatly dovetail with resurgent conservative efforts to make women’s lives smaller and less independent. “Marry rich” is, as labor economist Kathryn Anne Edwards put it in Bloomberg, essentially the Republican plan for mothers. The model of marriage as a hierarchy with a breadwinning man on top and a younger, dependent, submissive woman meeting his needs and those of their children is not exactly a fresh or groundbreaking ideal. It’s a model that kept women trapped and miserable for centuries.

It’s also one that profoundly stunted women’s intellectual and personal growth. In her essay for the Cut, Christie seems to believe that a life of ease will abet a life freed up for creative endeavors, and happiness. But there’s little evidence that having material abundance and little adversity actually makes people happy, let alone more creatively generativ e . Having one’s basic material needs met does seem to be a prerequisite for happiness. But a meaningful life requires some sense of self, an ability to look outward rather than inward, and the intellectual and experiential layers that come with facing hardship and surmounting it.

A good and happy life is not a life in which all is easy. A good and happy life (and here I am borrowing from centuries of philosophers and scholars) is one characterized by the pursuit of meaning and knowledge, by deep connections with and service to other people (and not just to your husband and children), and by the kind of rich self-knowledge and satisfaction that comes from owning one’s choices, taking responsibility for one’s life, and doing the difficult and endless work of growing into a fully-formed person—and then evolving again. Handing everything about one’s life over to an authority figure, from the big decisions to the minute details, may seem like a path to ease for those who cannot stomach the obligations and opportunities of their own freedom. It’s really an intellectual and emotional dead end.

And what kind of man seeks out a marriage like this, in which his only job is to provide, but very much is owed? What kind of man desires, as the writer cast herself, a raw lump of clay to be molded to simply fill in whatever cracks in his life needed filling? And if the transaction is money and guidance in exchange for youth, beauty, and pliability, what happens when the young, beautiful, and pliable party inevitably ages and perhaps feels her backbone begin to harden? What happens if she has children?

The thing about using youth and beauty as a currency is that those assets depreciate pretty rapidly. There is a nearly endless supply of young and beautiful women, with more added each year. There are smaller numbers of wealthy older men, and the pool winnows down even further if one presumes, as Christie does, that many of these men want to date and marry compliant twentysomethings. If youth and beauty are what you’re exchanging for a man’s resources, you’d better make sure there’s something else there—like the basic ability to provide for yourself, or at the very least a sense of self—to back that exchange up.

It is hard to be an adult woman; it’s hard to be an adult, period. And many women in our era of unfinished feminism no doubt find plenty to envy about a life in which they don’t have to work tirelessly to barely make ends meet, don’t have to manage the needs of both children and man-children, could simply be taken care of for once. This may also explain some of the social media fascination with Trad Wives and stay-at-home girlfriends (some of that fascination is also, I suspect, simply a sexual submission fetish , but that’s another column). Fantasies of leisure reflect a real need for it, and American women would be far better off—happier, freer—if time and resources were not so often so constrained, and doled out so inequitably.

But the way out is not actually found in submission, and certainly not in electing to be carried by a man who could choose to drop you at any time. That’s not a life of ease. It’s a life of perpetual insecurity, knowing your spouse believes your value is decreasing by the day while his—an actual dollar figure—rises. A life in which one simply allows another adult to do all the deciding for them is a stunted life, one of profound smallness—even if the vacations are nice.

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The Case for Marrying an Older Man

A woman’s life is all work and little rest. an age gap relationship can help..

In the summer, in the south of France, my husband and I like to play, rather badly, the lottery. We take long, scorching walks to the village — gratuitous beauty, gratuitous heat — kicking up dust and languid debates over how we’d spend such an influx. I purchase scratch-offs, jackpot tickets, scraping the former with euro coins in restaurants too fine for that. I never cash them in, nor do I check the winning numbers. For I already won something like the lotto, with its gifts and its curses, when he married me.

He is ten years older than I am. I chose him on purpose, not by chance. As far as life decisions go, on balance, I recommend it.

When I was 20 and a junior at Harvard College, a series of great ironies began to mock me. I could study all I wanted, prove myself as exceptional as I liked, and still my fiercest advantage remained so universal it deflated my other plans. My youth. The newness of my face and body. Compellingly effortless; cruelly fleeting. I shared it with the average, idle young woman shrugging down the street. The thought, when it descended on me, jolted my perspective, the way a falling leaf can make you look up: I could diligently craft an ideal existence, over years and years of sleepless nights and industry. Or I could just marry it early.

So naturally I began to lug a heavy suitcase of books each Saturday to the Harvard Business School to work on my Nabokov paper. In one cavernous, well-appointed room sat approximately 50 of the planet’s most suitable bachelors. I had high breasts, most of my eggs, plausible deniability when it came to purity, a flush ponytail, a pep in my step that had yet to run out. Apologies to Progress, but older men still desired those things.

I could not understand why my female classmates did not join me, given their intelligence. Each time I reconsidered the project, it struck me as more reasonable. Why ignore our youth when it amounted to a superpower? Why assume the burdens of womanhood, its too-quick-to-vanish upper hand, but not its brief benefits at least? Perhaps it came easier to avoid the topic wholesale than to accept that women really do have a tragically short window of power, and reason enough to take advantage of that fact while they can. As for me, I liked history, Victorian novels, knew of imminent female pitfalls from all the books I’d read: vampiric boyfriends; labor, at the office and in the hospital, expected simultaneously; a decline in status as we aged, like a looming eclipse. I’d have disliked being called calculating, but I had, like all women, a calculator in my head. I thought it silly to ignore its answers when they pointed to an unfairness for which we really ought to have been preparing.

I was competitive by nature, an English-literature student with all the corresponding major ambitions and minor prospects (Great American novel; email job). A little Bovarist , frantic for new places and ideas; to travel here, to travel there, to be in the room where things happened. I resented the callow boys in my class, who lusted after a particular, socially sanctioned type on campus: thin and sexless, emotionally detached and socially connected, the opposite of me. Restless one Saturday night, I slipped on a red dress and snuck into a graduate-school event, coiling an HDMI cord around my wrist as proof of some technical duty. I danced. I drank for free, until one of the organizers asked me to leave. I called and climbed into an Uber. Then I promptly climbed out of it. For there he was, emerging from the revolving doors. Brown eyes, curved lips, immaculate jacket. I went to him, asked him for a cigarette. A date, days later. A second one, where I discovered he was a person, potentially my favorite kind: funny, clear-eyed, brilliant, on intimate terms with the universe.

I used to love men like men love women — that is, not very well, and with a hunger driven only by my own inadequacies. Not him. In those early days, I spoke fondly of my family, stocked the fridge with his favorite pasta, folded his clothes more neatly than I ever have since. I wrote his mother a thank-you note for hosting me in his native France, something befitting a daughter-in-law. It worked; I meant it. After graduation and my fellowship at Oxford, I stayed in Europe for his career and married him at 23.

Of course I just fell in love. Romances have a setting; I had only intervened to place myself well. Mainly, I spotted the precise trouble of being a woman ahead of time, tried to surf it instead of letting it drown me on principle. I had grown bored of discussions of fair and unfair, equal or unequal , and preferred instead to consider a thing called ease.

The reception of a particular age-gap relationship depends on its obviousness. The greater and more visible the difference in years and status between a man and a woman, the more it strikes others as transactional. Transactional thinking in relationships is both as American as it gets and the least kosher subject in the American romantic lexicon. When a 50-year-old man and a 25-year-old woman walk down the street, the questions form themselves inside of you; they make you feel cynical and obscene: How good of a deal is that? Which party is getting the better one? Would I take it? He is older. Income rises with age, so we assume he has money, at least relative to her; at minimum, more connections and experience. She has supple skin. Energy. Sex. Maybe she gets a Birkin. Maybe he gets a baby long after his prime. The sight of their entwined hands throws a lucid light on the calculations each of us makes, in love, to varying degrees of denial. You could get married in the most romantic place in the world, like I did, and you would still have to sign a contract.

Twenty and 30 is not like 30 and 40; some freshness to my features back then, some clumsiness in my bearing, warped our decade, in the eyes of others, to an uncrossable gulf. Perhaps this explains the anger we felt directed at us at the start of our relationship. People seemed to take us very, very personally. I recall a hellish car ride with a friend of his who began to castigate me in the backseat, in tones so low that only I could hear him. He told me, You wanted a rich boyfriend. You chased and snuck into parties . He spared me the insult of gold digger, but he drew, with other words, the outline for it. Most offended were the single older women, my husband’s classmates. They discussed me in the bathroom at parties when I was in the stall. What does he see in her? What do they talk about? They were concerned about me. They wielded their concern like a bludgeon. They paraphrased without meaning to my favorite line from Nabokov’s Lolita : “You took advantage of my disadvantage,” suspecting me of some weakness he in turn mined. It did not disturb them, so much, to consider that all relationships were trades. The trouble was the trade I’d made struck them as a bad one.

The truth is you can fall in love with someone for all sorts of reasons, tiny transactions, pluses and minuses, whose sum is your affection for each other, your loyalty, your commitment. The way someone picks up your favorite croissant. Their habit of listening hard. What they do for you on your anniversary and your reciprocal gesture, wrapped thoughtfully. The serenity they inspire; your happiness, enlivening it. When someone says they feel unappreciated, what they really mean is you’re in debt to them.

When I think of same-age, same-stage relationships, what I tend to picture is a woman who is doing too much for too little.

I’m 27 now, and most women my age have “partners.” These days, girls become partners quite young. A partner is supposed to be a modern answer to the oppression of marriage, the terrible feeling of someone looming over you, head of a household to which you can only ever be the neck. Necks are vulnerable. The problem with a partner, however, is if you’re equal in all things, you compromise in all things. And men are too skilled at taking .

There is a boy out there who knows how to floss because my friend taught him. Now he kisses college girls with fresh breath. A boy married to my friend who doesn’t know how to pack his own suitcase. She “likes to do it for him.” A million boys who know how to touch a woman, who go to therapy because they were pushed, who learned fidelity, boundaries, decency, manners, to use a top sheet and act humanely beneath it, to call their mothers, match colors, bring flowers to a funeral and inhale, exhale in the face of rage, because some girl, some girl we know, some girl they probably don’t speak to and will never, ever credit, took the time to teach him. All while she was working, raising herself, clawing up the cliff-face of adulthood. Hauling him at her own expense.

I find a post on Reddit where five thousand men try to define “ a woman’s touch .” They describe raised flower beds, blankets, photographs of their loved ones, not hers, sprouting on the mantel overnight. Candles, coasters, side tables. Someone remembering to take lint out of the dryer. To give compliments. I wonder what these women are getting back. I imagine them like Cinderella’s mice, scurrying around, their sole proof of life their contributions to a more central character. On occasion I meet a nice couple, who grew up together. They know each other with a fraternalism tender and alien to me. But I think of all my friends who failed at this, were failed at this, and I think, No, absolutely not, too risky . Riskier, sometimes, than an age gap.

My younger brother is in his early 20s, handsome, successful, but in many ways: an endearing disaster. By his age, I had long since wisened up. He leaves his clothes in the dryer, takes out a single shirt, steams it for three minutes. His towel on the floor, for someone else to retrieve. His lovely, same-age girlfriend is aching to fix these tendencies, among others. She is capable beyond words. Statistically, they will not end up together. He moved into his first place recently, and she, the girlfriend, supplied him with a long, detailed list of things he needed for his apartment: sheets, towels, hangers, a colander, which made me laugh. She picked out his couch. I will bet you anything she will fix his laundry habits, and if so, they will impress the next girl. If they break up, she will never see that couch again, and he will forget its story. I tell her when I visit because I like her, though I get in trouble for it: You shouldn’t do so much for him, not for someone who is not stuck with you, not for any boy, not even for my wonderful brother.

Too much work had left my husband, by 30, jaded and uninspired. He’d burned out — but I could reenchant things. I danced at restaurants when they played a song I liked. I turned grocery shopping into an adventure, pleased by what I provided. Ambitious, hungry, he needed someone smart enough to sustain his interest, but flexible enough in her habits to build them around his hours. I could. I do: read myself occupied, make myself free, materialize beside him when he calls for me. In exchange, I left a lucrative but deadening spreadsheet job to write full-time, without having to live like a writer. I learned to cook, a little, and decorate, somewhat poorly. Mostly I get to read, to walk central London and Miami and think in delicious circles, to work hard, when necessary, for free, and write stories for far less than minimum wage when I tally all the hours I take to write them.

At 20, I had felt daunted by the project of becoming my ideal self, couldn’t imagine doing it in tandem with someone, two raw lumps of clay trying to mold one another and only sullying things worse. I’d go on dates with boys my age and leave with the impression they were telling me not about themselves but some person who didn’t exist yet and on whom I was meant to bet regardless. My husband struck me instead as so finished, formed. Analyzable for compatibility. He bore the traces of other women who’d improved him, small but crucial basics like use a coaster ; listen, don’t give advice. Young egos mellow into patience and generosity.

My husband isn’t my partner. He’s my mentor, my lover, and, only in certain contexts, my friend. I’ll never forget it, how he showed me around our first place like he was introducing me to myself: This is the wine you’ll drink, where you’ll keep your clothes, we vacation here, this is the other language we’ll speak, you’ll learn it, and I did. Adulthood seemed a series of exhausting obligations. But his logistics ran so smoothly that he simply tacked mine on. I moved into his flat, onto his level, drag and drop, cleaner thrice a week, bills automatic. By opting out of partnership in my 20s, I granted myself a kind of compartmentalized, liberating selfishness none of my friends have managed. I am the work in progress, the party we worry about, a surprising dominance. When I searched for my first job, at 21, we combined our efforts, for my sake. He had wisdom to impart, contacts with whom he arranged coffees; we spent an afternoon, laughing, drawing up earnest lists of my pros and cons (highly sociable; sloppy math). Meanwhile, I took calls from a dear friend who had a boyfriend her age. Both savagely ambitious, hyperclose and entwined in each other’s projects. If each was a start-up , the other was the first hire, an intense dedication I found riveting. Yet every time she called me, I hung up with the distinct feeling that too much was happening at the same time: both learning to please a boss; to forge more adult relationships with their families; to pay bills and taxes and hang prints on the wall. Neither had any advice to give and certainly no stability. I pictured a three-legged race, two people tied together and hobbling toward every milestone.

I don’t fool myself. My marriage has its cons. There are only so many times one can say “thank you” — for splendid scenes, fine dinners — before the phrase starts to grate. I live in an apartment whose rent he pays and that shapes the freedom with which I can ever be angry with him. He doesn’t have to hold it over my head. It just floats there, complicating usual shorthands to explain dissatisfaction like, You aren’t being supportive lately . It’s a Frenchism to say, “Take a decision,” and from time to time I joke: from whom? Occasionally I find myself in some fabulous country at some fabulous party and I think what a long way I have traveled, like a lucky cloud, and it is frightening to think of oneself as vapor.

Mostly I worry that if he ever betrayed me and I had to move on, I would survive, but would find in my humor, preferences, the way I make coffee or the bed nothing that he did not teach, change, mold, recompose, stamp with his initials, the way Renaissance painters hid in their paintings their faces among a crowd. I wonder if when they looked at their paintings, they saw their own faces first. But this is the wrong question, if our aim is happiness. Like the other question on which I’m expected to dwell: Who is in charge, the man who drives or the woman who put him there so she could enjoy herself? I sit in the car, in the painting it would have taken me a corporate job and 20 years to paint alone, and my concern over who has the upper hand becomes as distant as the horizon, the one he and I made so wide for me.

To be a woman is to race against the clock, in several ways, until there is nothing left to be but run ragged.

We try to put it off, but it will hit us at some point: that we live in a world in which our power has a different shape from that of men, a different distribution of advantage, ours a funnel and theirs an expanding cone. A woman at 20 rarely has to earn her welcome; a boy at 20 will be turned away at the door. A woman at 30 may find a younger woman has taken her seat; a man at 30 will have invited her. I think back to the women in the bathroom, my husband’s classmates. What was my relationship if not an inconvertible sign of this unfairness? What was I doing, in marrying older, if not endorsing it? I had taken advantage of their disadvantage. I had preempted my own. After all, principled women are meant to defy unfairness, to show some integrity or denial, not plan around it, like I had. These were driven women, successful, beautiful, capable. I merely possessed the one thing they had already lost. In getting ahead of the problem, had I pushed them down? If I hadn’t, would it really have made any difference?

When we decided we wanted to be equal to men, we got on men’s time. We worked when they worked, retired when they retired, had to squeeze pregnancy, children, menopause somewhere impossibly in the margins. I have a friend, in her late 20s, who wears a mood ring; these days it is often red, flickering in the air like a siren when she explains her predicament to me. She has raised her fair share of same-age boyfriends. She has put her head down, worked laboriously alongside them, too. At last she is beginning to reap the dividends, earning the income to finally enjoy herself. But it is now, exactly at this precipice of freedom and pleasure, that a time problem comes closing in. If she would like to have children before 35, she must begin her next profession, motherhood, rather soon, compromising inevitably her original one. The same-age partner, equally unsettled in his career, will take only the minimum time off, she guesses, or else pay some cost which will come back to bite her. Everything unfailingly does. If she freezes her eggs to buy time, the decision and its logistics will burden her singly — and perhaps it will not work. Overlay the years a woman is supposed to establish herself in her career and her fertility window and it’s a perfect, miserable circle. By midlife women report feeling invisible, undervalued; it is a telling cliché, that after all this, some husbands leave for a younger girl. So when is her time, exactly? For leisure, ease, liberty? There is no brand of feminism which achieved female rest. If women’s problem in the ’50s was a paralyzing malaise, now it is that they are too active, too capable, never permitted a vacation they didn’t plan. It’s not that our efforts to have it all were fated for failure. They simply weren’t imaginative enough.

For me, my relationship, with its age gap, has alleviated this rush , permitted me to massage the clock, shift its hands to my benefit. Very soon, we will decide to have children, and I don’t panic over last gasps of fun, because I took so many big breaths of it early: on the holidays of someone who had worked a decade longer than I had, in beautiful places when I was young and beautiful, a symmetry I recommend. If such a thing as maternal energy exists, mine was never depleted. I spent the last nearly seven years supported more than I support and I am still not as old as my husband was when he met me. When I have a child, I will expect more help from him than I would if he were younger, for what does professional tenure earn you if not the right to set more limits on work demands — or, if not, to secure some child care, at the very least? When I return to work after maternal upheaval, he will aid me, as he’s always had, with his ability to put himself aside, as younger men are rarely able.

Above all, the great gift of my marriage is flexibility. A chance to live my life before I become responsible for someone else’s — a lover’s, or a child’s. A chance to write. A chance at a destiny that doesn’t adhere rigidly to the routines and timelines of men, but lends itself instead to roomy accommodation, to the very fluidity Betty Friedan dreamed of in 1963 in The Feminine Mystique , but we’ve largely forgotten: some career or style of life that “permits year-to-year variation — a full-time paid job in one community, part-time in another, exercise of the professional skill in serious volunteer work or a period of study during pregnancy or early motherhood when a full-time job is not feasible.” Some things are just not feasible in our current structures. Somewhere along the way we stopped admitting that, and all we did was make women feel like personal failures. I dream of new structures, a world in which women have entry-level jobs in their 30s; alternate avenues for promotion; corporate ladders with balconies on which they can stand still, have a smoke, take a break, make a baby, enjoy themselves, before they keep climbing. Perhaps men long for this in their own way. Actually I am sure of that.

Once, when we first fell in love, I put my head in his lap on a long car ride; I remember his hands on my face, the sun, the twisting turns of a mountain road, surprising and not surprising us like our romance, and his voice, telling me that it was his biggest regret that I was so young, he feared he would lose me. Last week, we looked back at old photos and agreed we’d given each other our respective best years. Sometimes real equality is not so obvious, sometimes it takes turns, sometimes it takes almost a decade to reveal itself.

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500+ Words Essay on Values. Values are the positive teachings provided to help us and tread the right path in life. Every parent wants his child to imbibe these. These can even be referred to as good qualities. A person who imbibes good values grows on to become a responsible individual and he is capable of demarcating right and wrong.
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A series about ways to take life off "hard mode," from changing careers to gaming the stock market, moving back home, or simply marrying wisely. Illustration: Celine Ka Wing Lau. In the summer, in the south of France, my husband and I like to play, rather badly, the lottery. We take long, scorching walks to the village — gratuitous beauty ...

What is Self-Worth & How Do We Build it? (Incl. Worksheets)

This Article Contains:

What Determines Self-Worth?

Self-Worth versus Self-Esteem

Self-Worth versus Self-Confidence

Download 3 Free Self-Compassion Exercises (PDF)

Download 3 Free Self-Compassion Tools Pack (PDF)

What Is the Self-Worth Theory?

How to build self-worth in adolescents

How to increase self-worth and self-value in adults

1. Increase your self-understanding

2. Boost your self-acceptance

3. Enhance your self-love

4. Recognize your self-worth

5. Take responsibility for yourself

About Me Sentence Completion Worksheet

Self-Esteem Checkup

TED Talk: Meet Yourself: A User’s Guide to Building Self-Esteem by Niko Everett

TED Talk: Claiming Your Identity by Understanding Your Self-Worth by Helen Whitener

A Clever Lesson in Self Worth from Meir Kay

17 Exercises To Foster Self-Acceptance and Compassion

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Essays About Values: 5 Essay Examples Plus 10 Prompts

5 Essay Examples

10 Writing Prompts On Essays About Values

My Personal Values in Life

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