essay on big fat indian wedding

Inside the big fat Indian wedding: conservatism, competition and networks

Postdoctoral fellow, Center for Social Sciences and Humanities

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Parul Bhandari does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

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Indian weddings are most famously imagined as enormous spectacles. This image is surely real, though representative of a small segment of the Indian population, and realised only in the world of the super-rich. Some reports have estimated the super-rich to constitute 1% of the total population, which contributes to 22% of Indian GDP .

Sociologist Patricia Uberoi writes that in South Asia, weddings are “the most visible site of conspicuous consumption and conspicuous waste”.

But my ongoing research , on the elites reveals that their weddings are more than about conspicuous consumption or celebrations of new kinship bonds. They are a show of strength, a glamorised return to tradition, and a celebration of social conservatism.

The glamour of traditions

The most luring aspect of an elite Indian wedding is its claim to a global yet Indian sensibility, bringing together the “western” and the “Indian” into the wedding experience.

Consequently, the line-up of the wedding events includes traditional ceremonies associated with community-specific wedding rituals like dholki – a Punjabi ceremony of singing and dancing to the beats of a drum ( dholak ) – as well as westernised events such as cocktail parties, bachelorette parties, and grand receptions with multi-tiered cakes.

This Indo-western fusion is best exemplified in gastronomical selections that invariably include Chinese, Lebanese, Italian, Japanese, North Indian and South Indian cuisines all reaching the humble palate of their guests.

The most popular appropriation of a globalised culture is the hiring of professionals to oversee the wedding preparations. In Indian weddings, the uncles, aunts, and cousins usually perform organisational tasks, often at the directions of the family priest ( pandit for Hindus). However, the elites have set the trend of hiring a wedding planner who has most conspicuously displaced the pandit , and taken on the roles of the extended kin who have little more duties than to look their very best.

In this professionalised approach to wedding planning, elites have begun the trend of celebrating some of the most traditionally muted rituals with much glam and glitz, which would otherwise be celebrated with austerity especially in a middle class setting. For example, at the elite weddings I attended, for the small ceremonies of haldi (smearing the bride and groom’s body with turmeric powder) and gharcholi (bathing the bride and groom with holy water), a troupe of singers was invited and silver coins were given to the attendees.

The practice of giving a dowry is also modified. At one elite wedding I studied, the groom was given an Audemars Piguet watch costing approximately £10,000, a BMW 7 series car, and £50,000 in cash. There is an insistence, especially by the father of the bride, to treat this not as dowry, but only as a gift, as the bride-to-be too, it is argued, is gifted expensive jewellery and clothes by her in-laws.

Dowry then, assumes a muted presence, shrouded in the ostentatious display of wealth and generosity of gift-giving.

As the elites flirt with western lifestyle trends, they often still remain married to a strict social conservatism, specifically of marrying within caste and class (endogamous marriage). Often introduced by marriage brokers, who charge anywhere between £1,500 to £10,000 for their services, or through networks of family, young elites marry someone with a similar social, caste, and financial status, thereby ensuring that the exclusionary boundaries of their communities are well maintained.

Creating a phenomenon

The elite weddings can be seen not simply as series of ostentatious events but a phenomenon for much effort and money is put into creating an experience.

The journey begins right from the wedding invitations, where simple paper invitations are giving way to outrageously luxurious ones: the most recent being a box inlaid with LCD screens, playing a Bollywood-style video message.

The next step is to choose a destination away from home to perform the wedding ceremonies. Elite families compete most conspicuously on this decision, as they jostle to hire the most expensive heritage hotel or palace in India, popularly in the cities of Udaipur and Jodhpur. Some claim the highest bid by choosing an international exotic destination, such as Vienna .

It is not that the Indian super-rich do not marry in Delhi, however. I noted that the invitations to the “in-house” weddings often took an apologetic tone. The son of a leading businessman in Delhi, at no probing on my part, followed up his wedding invitation with an explanation of why he was not organising a destination wedding. He said:

Everything was decided so quickly [referring to his arranged marriage] and the auspicious dates are only five months away. So we couldn’t plan a destination wedding this soon. We are keeping it at the Marriott in Delhi.

The other important aspect of the spectacle of the wedding is the bridal wear and trousseau. The ever-increasing bridal magazines and websites and the rise of the domestic fashion industry has propelled the Indian bride to forsake dresses handed down by mothers and grandmothers in favour of high-end designer clothes.

A bridal lehenga (skirt and blouse with a drape), at some of India’s top designers, are priced from £4,000 to £40,000.

G Janardhan Reddy, a mining baron from the Indian state of Karnataka, of the LCD wedding invitations fame, yet again stole the show in the fashion department. His daughter wore a sari bejewelled in diamonds costing approximately £2 million. Together with jewellery, her bridal wear was estimated to cost a whopping £10.5 million.

The main show of strength of any elite weddings is in its guest list. Attendees reflect the power and position of the host. It is mandatory for top-level politicians, senior bureaucrats, and successful businessmen to attend such weddings, even if they are not personally known to the hosts.

In fact, it is a fairly common site for the hosts to extend invitations to the powerful friends of their extended family members to ensure the who’s who of the country attend their spectacle. These weddings then also serve as informal sites of brokering among political and business elites.

As a prominent “fixer”, a middleman of sorts for the political and social honchos, whose job it is to introduce influential figures to one another to expand their networks, told me, “The most effective meetings are outside the meeting rooms”. At one wedding, on citing the presence of a senior politican, the fixer said to me, “This indicates that he [the politican] is willing to negotiate the business deal or else he would not have attended the wedding.”

Attendance at weddings is not only a matter of prestige and power for the host but also for the guests, and a snub of non-invitation may transform into an open feud lasting many years.

In one such incident, a leading exporter “forgot” to invite a real estate baron to the marriage of his son, straining not only their social and business ties but also of their networks. It took more than a decade and multiple attempts by common friends to restore their relationship. The politics of invitation most certainly resonates with the politics of businesses and survival.

The elite Indian wedding, therefore, is not simply an ostentatious celebration involving an unabashed display of money and taste. It is about competition, conservatism, and assertion of power. It is nothing less than the coronation ceremony of an elite status.

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The big fat Indian wedding is only getting bigger

This is a full transcript of the fourth episode of the Quartz Obsession podcast season two on Indian weddings . Here’s a lightly edited transcript if you prefer. 

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Kira Bindrim: It’s 2018 and actress Priyanka Chopra is walking down the aisle towards her soon-to-be-husband, singer Nick Jonas. The two are getting married in nothing less than a royal palace under a giant canopy of flowers on a raised stage fit for a concert venue. Chopra is wearing a $2 million custom gown with a 75-foot veil, which five ushers have to carry behind her. Fireworks light up the sky as the couple ties the knot in a Hindu wedding ceremony.

The Chopra-Jonas wedding was one of the most anticipated weddings in recent memory. Over three days in the Indian city of Jodhpur, the nine-event gala featured three separate ceremonies, celebrity guests, Bollywood dance performances, and several costume changes.

But scenes like this aren’t only common among the rich and famous. More than 10 million weddings take place in India each year, and a lot of them are over-the-top. Not every Indian wedding is a spectacle—the country is huge, and ceremonies are as varied as the religions, castes, and communities who host them. But the spectacular Indian wedding—an expensive combination of Hindu tradition and Bollywood influence—does have fascinating staying power. Through economic turbulence, social reform, modern technology, and even a pandemic, the big fat Indian wedding is only getting bigger.

This is the Quartz Obsession, a podcast that explores the fascinating backstories behind everyday ideas, and what they tell us about the global economy. I’m your host, Kira Bindrim. Today: Indian weddings, the priciest party of your life.

I am joined now by Manavi Kapur, who is a reporter with Quartz India based in New Delhi. Manavi has covered both the business of culture and lifestyle, and more recently she’s been one of our main pandemic reporters. That makes you kind of uniquely situated to have this conversation, Manavi, because I feel like Indian weddings sort of sit right at the center of those two topics.

Big fat Indian weddings

Manavi Kapur: Oh, yeah. Indian weddings have had a very turbulent few years.

Kira Bindrim: I want to start by almost defining our terms. Because for the purposes of the episode, we are talking about ‘Indian weddings,’ but what we’re really talking about when we talk about these sort of big, fantastic weddings, are weddings that reflect Hindu tradition and are more common in northern India. I’m hoping you can tell me a little bit more about that distinction.

Manavi Kapur: Yes, that’s right. So Hindu weddings are, in fact, not a monolith. There are, India has a multitude of religions—we have Muslims, Christians, Sikhs, Buddhists, Jains. And even within the Hindu community, weddings can be so different across regions. I have attended several, and there hasn’t been one that is identical to the other. And for the purposes of this conversation, I think the most mainstream wedding is the north Indian Hindu wedding, and it has the most cultural power over the wedding culture in India.

Kira Bindrim: So what are like the bare bones of a traditional Hindu wedding? What does a typical ceremony, or ceremonies, entail, even conceding your point that not every wedding is the same?

Manavi Kapur: Typically, there will be a henna ceremony . Then a ceremony where your families slathers you with turmeric paste. There is the main nuptial, which is when you walk around a small, little fire. And then there’s also the post nuptial reception. But I think lately, the most anticipated event of any wedding is the song and dance evening, which turns into like a cocktail night, which has been influenced most by Bollywood and has the most influence on Bollywood.

Bollywood inspired Sangeet rituals

Kira Bindrim: Who is doing the singing and the dancing? Everyone? Is it choreographed?

Manavi Kapur: Oh, yes, it is choreographed. There’s weeks of very serious practice that goes into it, teaching everyone from baby boomers to Gen Zs how to dance to old songs, new songs, reels, you know, all the viral trending music. Everybody dances. There are props. You can have a little fireworks, some confetti. It’s the whole nine yards.

Kira Bindrim: The whole nine, yeah. It sounds nice. I mean, I have to say the dancing is my favorite part of a wedding.

Manavi Kapur: It’s actually a lot of fun. You do feel like a star for that 30 seconds that you prepared. And it’s awfully short given the weeks that you put into actually preparing how to dance. But those 30 seconds you do feel like a celebrity, it’s wonderful. You’ve got lights, you’ve got like a drone flying over your head trying to capture all your moves, then there’s this little video that you get at the end. It’s amazing.

Kira Bindrim: Okay, so let’s get into some of the details. And for this, I thought we could play a little game, because I love a good game. And I’m calling this game ‘Embrace your inner bridezilla’ so I’m asking you to do that, Manavi. So in this game, I am your wedding planner. I’m very good at my job. And you’re a young bride with endless money at your disposal. So let’s assume you want to go for the most, like, big-budget, spectacular version of a big fat Indian wedding that we can imagine. So I am going to give you something that one traditionally plans when one is planning one’s wedding, and you give me an example or your vision as our bridezilla of what you might expect to see at your giant, spectacular wedding.

Manavi Kapur: Yes.

Kira Bindrim: Okay. First item we need to plan is the venue. What kind of venue are you looking for?

Manavi Kapur: I mean, if I had all the money in the world, I would probably, you know, take Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas’s wedding venue, which was the Umaid Bhawan palace in Jodhpur. It’s gorgeous, it’s a fairy tale venue. But truth be told, I’ll just take any palace or fort since we’ve got so many of them in India and just have like a royal look-alike wedding.

Kira Bindrim: I appreciate your flexibility on the palace. Alright, next thing: guest list—both the size, how many people you think would be at your wedding, and the type of people, if that makes sense. Like, obviously, your immediate family is going to be there. But how far afield of your immediate circle do we get in this vision for your grand wedding?

How the covid-19 pandemic hurt India’s wedding industry

Manavi Kapur: So the pandemic has trimmed our guest lists down from a crazy 5,000- or maybe a reasonable 1,500-people wedding to perhaps 500. So since it’s a palace that I’m going to host my wedding at, yeah, they should be able to accommodate those many people and have enough social distancing as well. And, of course, that includes my relatives, my to-be-husband’s relatives, our friends, and I mean, yeah, their plus ones, and if we have, you know, some white friends visiting from the US or the UK. So yeah, 500 is, I think, a reasonable number.

Kira Bindrim: Okay. And since I’m sure your mom and I will be talking, how many people would she want to invite to this wedding? Like, what are the expectations of the size of our wedding here?

Manavi Kapur: Well if my total guest list is just 500 people, she alone would want to call 500 people, because if I have a neighbor who’s living on the same block, and, I mean, if they can see into my house, and they’re not invited to my wedding, it’s going to be an issue.

Kira Bindrim: What you’re making me think of is, when I was doing research for the intro to this, now my YouTube history is all of these videos about Priyanka Chopra talking about her wedding. So I’m getting served all of these recommendations for wedding videos. But in one of them, on Ellen , she was saying that their wedding was actually only 200 people and that that was extremely small relative to what would have been expected.

Manavi Kapur: Apparently, her mother was really upset that she couldn’t call more people, which is the case with most Indian mothers.

Kira Bindrim: Okay, next on my list: music. How many types of music events are we planning? Are we getting DJs? Are we getting bands? What should I expect?

Manavi Kapur: There’s going to be music on all the days, it’s partly a given. So there’s folk music, for which you have live singers. There are these groups of women who come and play at weddings, and they have their musical instruments. We have a tradition where we use a spoon on a drum, and we sort of use that for the beat. So it’s like almost part of the turmeric ceremony . There’s folk music, which will be live. Since it’s a palace, I’m going to also have folk music of that region and have, you know, local artisans come and play. I’m going to, of course, have a DJ for the night where we also have choreographed performances. And the DJ is going to be strictly Bollywood. And if I have it my way, then from the 90s and 2000s, early 2000s.

Kira Bindrim: So we have a lot of music playing. We’re basically planning like a small Coachella here.

Manavi Kapur: Somewhat, yes.

Kira Bindrim: Okay, last one we’ll do in our game. I mentioned earlier that Priyanka had a $2 million dress . What kind of wedding dress are you looking for? Or dresses—are there multiple?

Manavi Kapur: Well, I mean, currently, every Indian bride aspires to wear Sabyasachi lehenga . A lehenga is basically like this gorgeous, embellished skirt, and it has what we now call a crop top and it has a dupatta , which is basically like a veil. So that is the big aspiration currently in India, and I wouldn’t, I mean, I have to give into that trend. So of course, it will be a Sabyasachi lehenga. For my cocktail, of course I’ll get like a sequined something-something from Manish Malhotra , who basically supplies to all of Bollywood and he designs all their outfits. So, of course, if I’m going to dance like a Bollywood star, I have to look like one. And for an intimate turmeric ceremony, I’ll probably just buy some Banarasi silk from a handloom designer to honor my roots.

Kira Bindrim: So, again, versatility, variety, and luxury.

Manavi Kapur: Absolutely.

Kira Bindrim: After the break, how Bollywood inspires bigger and bigger weddings.

[[ad break]]

Bollywood’s influence on wedding rituals

Kira Bindrim: Hearing all of this, as someone who has never planned a wedding, it’s stressful. Like, it sounds like so much to plan and, logistically, very challenging, though it sounds extremely fun to be there. But I’m also think about how expensive all of this is. And obviously, I gave you the challenge of being someone who had a ton of money at her disposal. But as we were talking about earlier, a lot of these habits or parts of the ceremonies are common in a more widespread way, beyond people who are just super, super wealthy. In India overall, how much money is spent on weddings every year? Give me a sense of the size of this industry.

Manavi Kapur: So the wedding services industry in India is roughly $50 billion. It may have shrunk during the pandemic, but even so that $50 billion figure is likely an underestimate. That’s because a lot of the industry operates informally. It includes matchmakers, wedding planners, designers, jewelers—whoever you can think of who’s going to contribute to your wedding. By that figure, it contributes about 0.5% to India’s GDP as well. And it is one of the largest employers as an industry.

Kira Bindrim: And if I am planning a wedding, what does that financial impact look like for me? How much money am I spending on an average wedding, with the excepting that of course I’m sure there’s a lot of variation?

Manavi Kapur: Right. So the variation is staggering, given India’s inequality. But on an average, families spend about 7.5 to 10% of their net worth just getting their kids married. Which is huge when you consider that people push themselves into loans that they cannot repay. So it is a huge expense, and one that families spend their entire lives saving up for.

Kira Bindrim: Yeah, that 10% is powerful, like, thinking about spending 10% of your net worth on a on a wedding. Are their traditions around who pays for what?

Manavi Kapur: So, again, it varies region to region. We do have examples of matriarchal societies in the south and in the east where, in fact, the groom’s family pays for the wedding and is actually sort of paying the dowry for the bride. But in most north Indian weddings, I would say the bride’s family incurs the maximum amount of expenses. Now, with a little more cosmopolitanism setting in, families tend to split the expense, younger people take on loans on themselves and don’t want to burden the parents, so they end up splitting the cost between the two of them.

Kira Bindrim: We have this event that costs a ton of money relative to what any given person has. And then we also have a country with a lot of inequality. Do families feel compelled to put this much emphasis and attention on weddings, even if it is outside their financial means? And if that’s the case, what do they do to make that happen?

Manavi Kapur: Oh that’s definitely the case. In smaller towns, for instance, people take out loans that they don’t have the ability to repay. So it pushes them further down the class pyramid. Because weddings are so expensive, and because the bride’s family still takes care of most of the expenses, a female child is considered a burden, which is also why female feticide rates are very high in India. It’s improving, of course, generation after generation, but the problem still persists.

Kira Bindrim: So there’s an element of economic inequality. But there’s also this enormous element of gender inequality, it sounds like.

Manavi Kapur: Yes, absolutely.

Kira Bindrim: One of the other things we keep circling, and I feel like there’s a connection here, is that having a big wedding ceremony isn’t just about the rite of passage of getting married—that it’s also kind of a status symbol, or one of the biggest public-facing things that you do. And I want to talk about the celebrity connection there. You know, I talked at the top about the Chopra-Jonas wedding. And I think, no matter where you are in the world, you will see some desire on people’s part to emulate what celebrities are doing, and that feels pretty strong here to me, but I’m hoping you can you can elaborate on that. What is the celebrity connection to the big Indian wedding? My guess, based on our conversation so far, is that Bollywood is a big part of it, but I’m hoping you can tell me more.

Manavi Kapur: Oh, yes, it is driven by Bollywood, both on- and off-screen. To give a recent example, an Indian actor, Katrina Kaif, married another Indian actor , Vicky Kaushal. There was such a huge craze about that wedding, and we knew nothing about it, because they had banned phones inside the wedding venue. There was no paparazzi allowed. But, yeah, there was just so much anticipation about what she’s going to wear, who’s going to do her makeup, who the photographer is going to be, are they going to be drones, what kind of music are they going to dance to, are they going to dance to music from their own films? These are people we see on screen and then you see them on your phone screens and it’s just aspiration driving up aspiration, I feel, in a lot of ways.

Kira Bindrim: Do you feel that Bollywood movies—so, on screen—are reflecting sort of a cultural obsession with marriage and weddings, or creating or exacerbating a cultural obsession with weddings and marriage, or both?

Manavi Kapur: I think it’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg situation. There are some traditions that have been popularized by Bollywood so much that even cultures within India that didn’t follow those traditions have started following it. For instance, the karwa chauth fast, where wife fasts for her husband’s life and longevity, it used to be just a Punjabi north Indian phenomenon, but it’s become nationwide. Like people across India follow it now.

Kira Bindrim: Because it was in a Bollywood movie?

Manavi Kapur: Yes, it was in a 2001 film called Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham . And there’s this whole song about it , and it’s so beautifully shot and, of course, there’s family and togetherness. So there’s a lot of soft power being wielded through that one film. So in that sense, yes. But it’s also, Bollywood takes from life and it picks up traditions which are already prevalent, and it makes them chic and aspirational and adding a little dash of designer wear, and it’s just something that you want to do, and it’s so Insta-friendly.

Kira Bindrim: If I think about these characteristics—something very driven by celebrity culture, extremely expensive, not the best financial move for a lot of middle-class or low-income families—I’m curious if there’s any sort of backlash. As with the US, you have a country with a lot of inequality. And I’m wondering if people see this outlay that has to come financially from weddings and are starting to push back on it, or find it inappropriate, or, I don’t know, gauche?

Weddings are a costly affair

Manavi Kapur: Well, I wouldn’t say that I find it inappropriate. There is definitely a pushback from the current generation, either Gen Zs or sort of younger millennials, just to sort of understand that, you know, this money can go towards so much better, like buying house, for instance. But I still think that the older generation prevails, and they feel like this has been something that they’ve been dreaming about for their lives and they want to see their children married a certain way. Because you would have assumed that a pandemic of this proportion would curtail the wedding to a size which is, you know, manageable for most families. But what has happened is that people have had their little ceremonies during the pandemic, and when the restrictions open up, they have their gala events, too. So it’s not like the expense or, you know, the ticket size has gone down. It’s just that they found new ways to spend that money.

Kira Bindrim: So let’s spin this forward, I want to talk about the future of the big fat Indian wedding, because we’ve talked a lot about where it’s at now and what brought us to this place. My first question is, are we starting to see more international recognition and adoption of some of the aspects of Indian weddings?

Manavi Kapur: Yes. And Bollywood, again, is a huge influence on this international recognition because the music is just endearing. It’s something you want to dance to, it’s something that you want to look like a Bollywood star while dancing to. And, yeah, I see a lot of people using old Hindi Bollywood songs for their Western or Christian weddings. And they’re dressed in a tuxedo and a white dress, but they’re dancing to a Shah Rukh Khan song. If that’s not real international recognition, then really what it is.

Kira Bindrim: I’m curious if you see anything problematic about that? I mean, I think, I don’t know that I would feel super psyched if I had a white friend who did a henna ceremony not necessarily understanding the roots of it. What is the line between some of these aspects of Indian weddings becoming exported and appropriation?

Manavi Kapur: I think definitely a lot of the ceremonies do get fetishized. And there is some amount of appropriation, especially with the henna ceremony, because a lot of people don’t understand the roots or the history of it. Which is why I think song and dance and Bollywood ceremony is the easiest thing to do, because you’re not going to offend anyone. You’re just honoring our great film industry. But, yes, there is definitely that risk of cultural appropriation.

Kira Bindrim: Is there any part of the Indian wedding that you think should be exported? That you think would be cool if everyone embraced?

Manavi Kapur:  I think everybody should dance to a choreographed routine. It’s something I cannot recommend enough. It’s so exhilarating to be able to perform a task and, you know, excel at it. It’s like it learned a little hobby while also getting married. Why not?

Kira Bindrim: You’re also convincing. I think also, like, how many times in your life do you learn a dance routine with your like, close friends and family? Not that many. So it’s a unique bonding experience, I imagine.

Manavi Kapur: There was a year. I think, 2016 or 2017, where I attended seven such weddings. And I danced a different routine to the same song for all seven.

Kira Bindrim: When you’re like out at the club, and a song comes on, do like a bunch of people like break into a dance they learned for a wedding.

Manavi Kapur: I did that. I have done that.

Kira Bindrim: I would be. I mean, you better believe if I’m going to learn a dance, I’m going to be doing it every chance I can.

Kira Bindrim: One last question for you: Tell me about the best wedding you have personally attended—I don’t know if you’re going to offend someone by answering this question—and why it was so great. What was your favorite part of it?

Manavi Kapur: Oh, it was actually a very recent wedding of my very close friends. And, given the pandemic, there were no restrictions. The wedding was trimmed down, considering both sides of the families had like a large extended social circles, they did trim it down to about 100,150. So it was mostly friends. So it was people our age, and there was alcohol flowing on all three days. And I had the best food. I danced a lot. And I failed that all the choreographed dances, but I still made it work—I mean, we all did like as a bunch of 20 people on one tiny stage. Yeah, it was it was absolutely marvelous for the simple reason that the bride and groom also had fun. They weren’t stressed. They weren’t stuck on a stage. They weren’t just doing, you know, all the rituals and ceremonies. They were actually actively involved in dancing and drinking with us.

Kira Bindrim: I love that. I love that it’s like the barometer of a great wedding too is, for everybody, or the bride and groom are having fun. Thank you so much, Manavi. I know I asked so many dumb questions in this conversation, but was really fascinating, and I appreciate you taking the time.

Manavi Kapur: Thank you.

Kira Bindrim: That’s our Obsession for the week. This episode was produced by Katie Jane Fernelius. Our sound engineer is George Drake and our executive producer is Alex Ossola. The theme music is by Taka Yasuzawa and Alex Suguira. Special thanks to Manavi Kapur in New Delhi.

If you liked what you heard, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening. Tell your friends about us! All 500 of them. Then head to qz.com/obsession to sign up for Quartz’s Weekly Obsession email and browse hundreds of interesting backstories.

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The Big Fat Indian Wedding – East Meets West: Traditions, Tamasha and Tales to Last a Lifetime

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A t its core, a wedding is about nothing more than two people deciding that they want to spend the rest of their lives together—that they want to wake up and make breakfast, pick out furniture and take a walk after dinner until death do them apart. There’s a predictable path most Indian-American couples take. They meet, whether by chance introduction or online. They spend time with each other, trying to imagine a life together. A surprise proposal is planned—a wedding tradition not associated with Indian weddings but eagerly adopted by couples who are finding each other outside the arrangements of their parents. And after some time, whether it be months or years, they marry. 

And the wedding day that celebrates this union is celebrated with great fanfare. Part of the immigrant experience is the inevitable combination of traditions; a reality that can give families anxiety as they watch their children choose what they will keep and discard. Wedding traditions are no different—the hyphenated identity is on full display during the celebrations. The bride walks down the aisle with bridesmaids—she walks up to the mandap—and if it is a Hindu ceremony, there is a fire around which the bride and groom sit while the priest begins the rituals. And, then, in a nod to Western culture, they exchange vows in English, and end up excha nging rings too sometimes. Right there in the space of two to three hours you have two wedding traditions rolled into one.

There are portions our great grandparents would have recognized, and parts they may not. Take apart the grand, long ceremonies we know so well and we find at the core, every wedding tradition has a few vows exchanged in solemnity between the couple with families in attendance. Many choose to keep the old traditions with just a few tweaks, while others create their own rituals, only including the few traditions they find personally meaningful. 

In this story, we include the stories of four modern South Asian couples that represent the intersections between groups, be they religious, sexuality, regional, or ethnic. As we continue to live, work and marry away from the places our parents come from, these marriages are proof of our infinite possibilities—concepts of tradition and modernity are nothing more than labels we choose to stamp on ourselves.

Shilpi Verma Weds Maneesh Singh Without knowing, Shilpi and Maneesh had been circling each other peripherally for years before their first meeting at a bar in New York, a city where neither of them lived and which they happened to be visiting.

“Within ten minutes of our conversation we realized that our younger brothers were actually best friends,” Shilpi said. “We met without knowing that conn ection, but that made our meeting surreal.” Beyond the happy coincidence, each of them knew early on in that first conversation that the other was someone special. They quickly took a selfie to send to their brothers and made plans to meet again. For the next few months, separated by a continent, the couple resorted to technology to keep in touch. “Even before I moved to San Francisco, things felt effortless,” Maneesh said. “We had to put a lot of time into the logistics of visiting each other but making it work didn’t feel like too much of an effort.”

Unlike the ease of their relationship, Maneesh’s proposal was complicated, full of everything he knew was important to his future fiancee. Her brother helped Maneesh draft an invitation to a fake medical event held at a space Maneesh rented out. A few colleagues from work came to make the event more believable before Maneesh took Shilpi to the rooftop to look at one of her favorite views, the Bay Bridge , as all of her friends reconstructed the space below into a private romantic spot for his proposal.

With the “Oh, yes of course!” taken care of in style, the wedding planning brought new challenges in the form of their contrasting cultures: Maneesh is Sikh while Shilpi is Hindu, which meant they needed to have two wedding ceremonies at the venue. The one tradition they insisted on making their own was the vows before each circle around the fire in the Hindu ceremony . Rather than reciting the traditional Sanskrit lines they decided to say their own vows in English, about how the other had made them better along with promises for the future.

As she recalled her vows, Shilpi said, “One thing I emphasized is that he’ll be a stable force in my life and my parents’ lives, and that his kindness makes me want to be a better person.” “I talked about how we pushed each other forward and some of the things I looked forward to in our marriage,” Maneesh said, “The little things I’ve come to enjoy—making chai on Sunday mornings and making kichadi together”

Common threads between the two weddings like the tradition of giving the bride away in both and the pheras or circles around the Sikh sacred book the Guru Granth Sahib and the fire in Hinduism gave a sense of unity to the event as a whole. “Eventually when we did them back-to-back; it felt like incorporating not only two families but two cultures together,” Maneesh said.

Philip Frost And Arun Rangaswami Phil and Arun managed to find each other on Chemistry.com almost at the last moment—Phil had just signed up for the dating website while Arun was just about to leave. “I had a lot of not really inspiring experiences and was probably a little more jaded than he was when we met,” Arun said. “But Phil had sent me a message and I thought he was very handsome and responded.” Still, it took Arun some persuasion—the prospect of a potential long distance relationship (Phil lived in Arizona) and previous experiences gave him pause leaving him skeptical, but that initial attraction led to phone calls between the two. “The magical thing is that after we first exchanged contacts, we then spoke every night for over a month without meeting each other,” Phil said. “There were definite common interests—you know when you’re talking to someone and it’s just easy conversation.” They quickly knew that their relationship was meant to last and decided to spend their first holiday together, when Phil came to San Francisco after Christmas.

“It was so easy, because I got to see many wonderful things about Phil—he’s very good with people and honest—things you can’t see over the telephone, you just have to be with the person to see it,” says Arun.

Three years later Phil proposed to Arun during their trip to Sicily with friends and Arun’s mother to commemorate Arun’s 50th birthday. The recent election of Donald Trump and its ramifications on the Supreme Court has caused enough doubt that Phil and Arun have sped up their timeframe for the wedding—they’re planning a small wedding in October, followed by a larger event in a year or two. While they haven’t decided all the details of the later celebration, currently they plan on including aspects of both Hindu and Christian ceremonies.

“If anything I’d like for some nod to circling the fire,” Arun said. “I think my mother would like to see that aspect of the ceremony, and of course the symbolism of being bound together for seven lifetimes is very appealing.” Phil similarly highlights the portions of the Christian wedding ceremony that focus on the commitment of the couple as opposed to the more religious aspects. “It’s more about the shell of the ceremony,” he said, “which I believe in because of the strength of that commitment and the exchange of rings symbolizing that.”

Neha Mathew Weds Shalin Shah Neha and Shalin see themselves as having an unconventional relationship, never having an official date when they began dating. “I wish I remember when that day was,” Neha said. “We both have thought about this many times, and we never celebrated anniversaries or anything. It’s just this vague timeframe—we started hanging out with each other and that was it.”

As part of Project RISHI while at UC Berkeley , Neha and Shalin knew of each other, but didn’t become close friends until they went on a 3-week trip on behalf of the organization. Afterwards, they spent a lot of time together and were friends for about two years before transitioning into a romantic relationship. Five years after meeting Neha, Shalin proposed in London, a city Neha loved but had never visited. He planned the trip in secret, surprising Neha at the airport with two roundtrip tickets to her dream location without mentioning the ring in his bag.

Making sure that their wedding was meaningful both to them as a couple as well as their community was important, so Neha and Shalin chose to eschew some of the typical wedding traditions of their respective family backgrounds. Shalin’s family are Gujarati Jains from Chennai but he is agnostic, while Neha comes from a Malayalee Protestant Christian/Telugu Hindu family from Hyderabad and was raised within the church.

Both families were fully supportive, and so the couple was free to create the type of wedding they would find most meaningful. At the start Barnali Ghosh and Anirvan Chatterjee, friends of Neha and Shalin, who officiated the legal ceremony asked each attendee to close their eyes and to think about the ceremony’s meaning for the couple and also about some of their favorite memories involving the couple. Then, they began to speak about the backgrounds of first Neha and then Shalin. They continued by speaking about the parents, describing their backgrounds and reading a note of gratitude from the bride and the groom before highlighting the other friends and family who had traveled from all over the world to see the couple married while acknowledging the absence of those who couldn’t. They asked the attendees to participate in community vows, and to promise to stand with them in times of difficulty—to help as they built their own loving community.

“Something we were particular about was to mak e sure t hat everybody who was coming for the wedding was a part of it and actually knew what was happening,” Shalin said. After Shalin and Neha signed the documents and Ghosh and Chatterjee declared them legally married under California law, Rev. George Oomen, Neha’s pastor from the Los Angeles’ St. Peter’s Church of South India blessed the couple and led them in an exchange of three symbols of commitment they kept from traditional ceremonies. They exchanged rings, a minnu and a manthrakodi . The minnu , a pendant with a cross made of seven small globules of gold is tied by the groom around the bride’s neck. The manthrakodi is a special wedding sari gifted to the bride by the groom’s family, which the groom puts over the bride’s head before tying the minnu. Seven strands from the manthrakodi are taken to hang the minnu , which represents a long and happy married life.

“I felt a lot of emotion,” Neha said about the cerem onies. “Between the two of us there were moments when we were crying, moments when we were laughing hysterically, and you could see that in everyone there.”

“I think the biggest difference in at least the way we approached it is that you don’t live your life based solely on identity,” Shalin added. “You don’t live your life based on whether you’re Jain or Christian. How you live your life is based on your value system and that’s not always based on those identities.”

Anu Oza Weds Maneesh Sharma

Anu had to warn Maneesh that the frequency of their first few dates was too good to last. He’d caught her, a teacher, at the end of July and early August—right before the start of the new school year.

“I remember saying—this is summer me, I’m not going to be like this all the time,” she says laughing. “I wasn’t going to be able to go out for dinner regularly on weekdays, and he was flexible with that.”

Introduced by a mutual family friend, they both knew from the beginning that what they had was something special, different from any of their past relationships. Anu and Maneesh are both Indian-Americans who were born and grew up in California and found themselves having a lot in common in their personal backgrounds and experiences. Their relationship was always a comfortable, easy thing in which both had the liberty to be themselves.

Going on hikes had become a monthly tradition for the couple after Anu made a resolution to be outdoors more that year. They dated for under a year before Maneesh proposed at Immigrant Point in the Presidio of San Francisco in May of 2016. Anu, who was not usually one to make New Year’s resolutions, had decided that she would take up hiking at least once a month with Maneesh. “I had my phone and was taking all the pictures and was wearing Maneesh’s backpack at that point and he needed something from the backpack,” she said. “I was completely oblivious and blissfully unaware, and then he had a ring and proposed.”

Anu’s family is originally from Rajasthan while Maneesh’s family is from Uttar Pradesh so when it came to their wedding each group brought a few particular traditions though the basics of the Hindu ceremony—two hours in total—stayed the same. In particular, the wedding followed the Rajasthani tradition of eight pheras with Anu leading for three and Maneesh for five. Throughout the circles Maneesh wore a pink cloth around his neck, as members of his family had done for generations.

“I led the first three rounds and then Maneesh led the fourth one,” Anu said. “And then after that we did four more where Maneesh actually lifted me and then walked around the fire. Altogether eight pheras .” They also had a Rajasthani ceremony between the mothers after the Ganesh puja at the altar, where their mothers exchanged water, sweets and garlands in a mini ceremony to symbolize two families uniting into one.

For Anu and Maneesh, writing the wedding program became a project to understand exactly what each part of the wedding meant-—translating the ancient rituals into something their guests could understand and also they themselves could be wholly part of while at the mandap. Anu discussed each part of the ceremony with both sets of parents, delving deep into each ritual’s meaning so as to make sure they corresponded with the couple’s values. Then Anu and Maneesh used progressive feminist language to turn the ancient Hindu ceremony into something less patriarchal and far more personal.

“It felt like we were writing our vows together,” Anu said. “We didn’t do traditional Western vows but talking about the ceremony and understanding exactly what was happening on the day of was very meaningful.”

Maya Murthy is a student at the University of Toronto majoring in Equity Studies and Religion. She is currently spending the summer as an intern in the offices of Vice Mayor of San Jose Magdalena Carrasco and Assemblymember Evan Low. In her spare time she enjoys rewriting movie scripts and reading translations of medieval Indian love poetry.

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‘The Big Fat Indian Wedding has become even more fabulous’

It hasn’t just been the summer of revenge travel; it’s also been the year of the revenge wedding. And by that I don’t mean people rushing into nuptials to spite their exes—it means the Big Fat Indian Wedding has become even more fabulous. There are grander venues, exotic locales, more creative functions, an extraordinary attention to detail, and an it’s-my-party-and-I’ll-do-what-I-want-to vibe that’s permeated destination weddings across the globe. But if there is one trend that has shone brightest, it’s personalisation. Creating your wedding logo and emblazoning it on everything from invitations to gift hampers is one thing, but what that’s now translating to is a fierce, individualistic and unapologetic stage on which your very own wedding drama plays out.

Just this year, for example, there was the bride who ditched a wedding cake for a massive chocolate gong into which she swung a hammer. Another bride transformed the traditional “phoolon ki chadar” into a work of art by embroidering it with messages from her family and framing it for the walls of her new home after the wedding. High-school poetry written by a young girl found a second life at her wedding many years later as the tagline for invitations and events.

There was the groom who flew in two of his favourite chefs—one a former number one on the World’s 50 Best list, another a tattooed Australian specialising in elevated barbecue in Singapore to cater the events. In Cannes, airplanes drew hearts in the blue sky the moment it was made official. The soundtrack for the day had been especially composed and produced, weaving in the couples’ names and families. In Udaipur, a brother walked his sister down a majestic flight of stairs before a ceremony began that incorporated different cultures and traditions, their own personal blend.

If there is one lesson the pandemic seems to have left among brides and grooms, it’s that this is their time. They’ve waited for it. They own it. It’s theirs to enjoy, to make their own, damn what the aunties say. And after two years of subdued weddings, people are ready to let down their hair and celebrate a new beginning. Let your destination wedding be the perfect excuse.

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The Big Fat Indian Wedding: Status Symbol, Glamour, And Tradition

In indian culture, marriage is seen as a sacred connection, and weddings are often extravagant and happy ceremonies with a great deal of pomp and splendour..

Indians and Big Fat Wedding sound like synonyms nowadays. People in India tend to preach about their wealth and showcase their standard and status symbol via weddings. They, generally, have an obsession with lavish royal weddings due to the cultural significance and enduring ideals of marriage in Indian culture.

Nevertheless in Indian culture, marriage is seen as a sacred connection, and weddings are often extravagant and happy ceremonies with a great deal of pomp and splendour. Indian weddings are most famously portrayed as massive events.

Let's take a look at why Indians share an affinity with glamourous big fat weddings.

Why People Yearn For Big Fat Indian Wedding

The glitz and grandeur of customs.

Rituals and customs are pre-requisite for marriage no matter from which religion the couple being married belongs to. Every religion has its own customs and tradition to adhere to. Families, nowadays, insist to fulfill them with pomp and show that eventually require lumpsum money.

Bollywood films are the crucial factor for channelising families to spend exceedingly in weddings and embrace having a big fat Indian wedding. The most prominent one nowadays is Raksha Bandhan where Akshay Kumar is the male protagonist who articulates the plight of a brother who is burning midnight oil to gather money to get his sisters married lavishly.

To Depict Social Status And Standard

Wedding rites and customs are also essential in Indian culture, and they are frequently observed with great dedication. Royal weddings are frequently extravagant celebrations that include music, dance, and other types of entertainment.

This might make the wedding more entertaining for the guests. Thus, getting the chance to please people and earn the tag of rich and affluent family. This often takes place to demonstrate their prosperity to the people with whom they have tied the auspicious strings of marriage.

Infatuation With Showing Off And Command Respect Within Society

Indians are infatuated with large, fat royal weddings because they are considered a chance to honour the traditional importance of marriage, demonstrate social status, enjoy entertainment, interact with family, and celebrate hope for the future. There are several wedding ceremonies and traditions in every religion and country.

Depending on the locality, religion, caste, desire, and financial means, the wedding festivities may stretch for many days. Families spend a lot of money on the location, the decorations, the clothing, the jewellery, and the presents for the guests. These prices increase when celebrity cosmetic artists and wedding photographers are brought to the mix due to rising awareness of Instagrammable trends.

Creating A Phenomenon

Weddings provide a chance for families to come together and bond over a shared celebration. Weddings are a moment for many Indians to reconnect with distant family members and friends, as well as to enhance existing connections. Weddings are frequently considered as a moment of hope and optimism for the future, especially for the bride and groom. This may make the moment especially emotional and meaningful for everyone involved.

How Big Fat Indian Weddings Are Deteriorating Prosperity?

Weddings were meant to be lovely occasions that marked the start of a journey that brought two souls together. It is now a 100,000-crore industry that is increasing at a rate of 25 to 30 percent each year. While I have no opinion on anyone's ideal wedding, when things get out of hand, it may be time to reconsider the mockery that weddings have become. My entire argument is not opposed to the celebration. This excessive and vulgar display of riches is clearly doing more damage than good on a larger scale.

Suggested Reading: These 5 Reasons Will Convince You Big Fat Weddings Are Unnecessary

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The Big-Fat Indian wedding, Bride, Groom and their extensive entourage drives Indian wedding industry

By Aanchal Kumari | Updated: Dec 13, 2023 17:24 IST

Indian wedding

Wed in India

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• The Big Fat Indian...

The Big Fat Indian Wedding: Tracing the Evolution of Desi, I Do’s

• The Big Fat Indian Wedding:…

• Published On December 15, 2023

Imagine you’re strolling down Delhi’s Safdarjung Road or Janpath and being surrounded by people adorned in their traditional finery, bustling towards a destination—a scene straight out of a Bollywood extravaganza. But hold your popcorn because this isn’t reel life; it’s the real deal, unfolding in the heart of the capital city.

We’re not talking about a few intimate gatherings here. A jaw-dropping 4 lakh weddings are set to grace New Delhi in three weeks, with a staggering 15,000 wedding ceremonies slated for November 30th alone. And before you think this is an exclusive Delhi affair, think again. This auspicious wave of celebrations spans every nook and cranny of our diverse nation.

Welcome to the Big Fat Indian Wedding, where the Shubh Mahurat extends its influence far and wide.

Behold the Grandeur!

Estimates suggest a whopping business turnover of around ₹5 lakh crore during this festive period, showcasing emotional unions and a colossal economic extravaganza. Yes! As per CAIT Research & Trade Development Society, as many as 35 lakh weddings will be solemnized between 23 rd November and 15 th December.

PM’s love affair with Local

In the spirit of ‘Vocal for Local ,’ even our honorable Prime Minister subtly nudged people to embrace our homeland for wedding venues. The ‘Make in India’ ethos is making its way to the sacred vows and vibrant celebrations, reminding us to celebrate our cultural heritage with pride.

Couples – Active Decision Makers

From simple ceremonies of the past to the extravagant celebrations of today, it’s nothing short of a cinematic love story. Arranged marriages -once the norm where parents decided everything has gracefully given way to love marriages. Couples are now active decision-makers in their journey of togetherness. Possibly a reflection of the global exposure to Western wedding trends.

Jul 5, 2022

The Big Fat Indian Wedding Phenomenon

Extravagant celebrations, never-ending guest lists, exotic locations — it’s not just about exchanging vows anymore; it’s about showcasing wealth and social status through elaborate events. There’s a stark transformation, emphasizing the ever-evolving nature of our celebratory customs.

Wedding Bills Ring in a Thriving Economy

The economic dance during this season extends beyond eye-popping wedding costs. Former Karnataka Minister, Janardhana Reddy’s daughter’s wedding cost over ₹500 crores, turning the economic vaults into a high-stakes tango. An average Indian wedding can range anywhere from ₹10 lakhs to ₹5 crores. About half the spending is on fashion brands such as Manyavar, Zara, high-end couture, jewelry brands like Tanishq, TBZ, Kalyan Jewelers and others. The jewelry market in India is expected to reach US $76.77 billion in 2023. Not to forget, the electronics, dry fruits, and sweets markets, while the other half fuels banquet halls, hotels, event management, catering, and travel services. The Hotels market is expected to earn around US $7.68 billion in 2023.

More than Traditional Splurges

The narrative is that of modern consumer behavior, witnessing increased investments in electronic goods, consumer durables, and a myriad of gift items. The demand for services like beauticians, salons, photography, videography, and entertainment, including orchestras and bands, is hitting a crescendo, painting a picture of the evolving spectacle of the Indian wedding. The revenue for Indian Beauty and Personal Care market is expected to reach US $30.54 billion in 2023.

Budgets that Redefine Opulence

Beyond the wedding industry, other sectors like real estate and automotive will witness a surge of around 15-20% in sales during this season. The loan industry, too, experiences a spike as couples seek to turn their dream weddings into reality. Celebrity unions flaunt budgets that epitomize the very essence of lavishness. For instance, Lakshmi Mittal, the steel magnate, splurged over ₹220 crores for his daughter Vanisha’s wedding.

Culturally Diverse

Cultural fusion takes center stage as Western elements seamlessly intertwine with traditional Indian weddings. From attire to ceremonies and themes to destinations, couples are crafting a unique blend that resonates with the past and the present. Destination weddings have boosted the outbound tourism market in India, which is worth US $15.2 billion today . The This fusion, however, prompts a reflection on cultural identity and preservation in the face of evolving trends.

Savour the Culinary Crescendo

Did you know the Indian Foodservice Market in 2023 is worth US $69.78 billion ? Weddings have evolved into a culinary marvel, shedding the shackles of excess and embracing a world of quality and variety. Guests hunger for thrilling experiences, tantalizing their taste buds with audacious culinary experiments. It’s a feast for the senses, where every dish tells a story, and every bite is an adventure.

Sustainable Weddings are Trending

In a heartening twist, there’s a growing awareness of the environmental impact of weddings. Sustainability and conscious choices are gaining traction, with eco-friendly practices making their mark. Sit-down dinners are making a comeback, adding an element of grace to the festivities. Couples, inspired by the likes of Milind Soman and Ankita Konwar’s grand gesture of planting a tree for each guest or Dia Mirza and Vaibhav Rekhi’s commitment to a strictly no plastic policy and minimal, biodegradable decor, are setting the tone for an eco-friendly ceremony. These celebrity initiatives show a shift towards mindful celebrations, where each step down the aisle is a conscious stride towards a greener and more sustainable future.

Technology – The New Entrant

The COVID-19 pandemic. It disrupted plans, introducing a new normal; the pandemic has led to the rise of intimate ceremonies and virtual weddings. Technology has become an indispensable ally, shaping new norms and practices in the wedding landscape. Make way for Wedding Gift Registry, Memes, QR codes, Insta-Invites, Hashtags, the list goes on.

And Now…..

The big fat Indian wedding has evolved into a dynamic celebration that weaves cultural, social, and economic threads. The journey from traditional ceremonies to extravagant spectacles reflects our ever-changing society.  As we anticipate future trends, one thing is certain: the Indian wedding will continue to be a vibrant canvas, painting the love stories of generations to come. If you haven’t invested for your wedding or weddings in your family yet, then begin today. Cheers to the evolving saga of Indian Weddings .

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I’m Archana R. Chettiar, an experienced content creator with an affinity for writing on personal finance and other financial content. I love to write on equity investing, retirement, managing money, and more.

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Can the big fat Indian wedding do without a Plus One invite?

Indian weddings are all about grandeur. in such a scenario, what if someone really wants to keep one of the most important days of their life, their wedding day, an intimate affair with just the important people.

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The pandemic wedding restrictions changed things

The pandemic brought about an unexpected shift in Indian weddings, with government restrictions capping guest lists at just 50 people during that time. A community accustomed to hosting hundreds at such events suddenly had to trim their guest lists drastically. Defying these restrictions wasn't an option, so they had to adapt, rethinking what truly mattered on their special day.

The Big Fat Indian 'I Do'

‘The Big Fat Indian Wedding’ is a term used all over the world to describe the one very essential and significant festivity celebrated throughout ages across India - marriage. For us Indians, marriage or getting married equates to tying together two families, two souls and two hearts; it is a vow made to matter much like ‘till death do us apart’. From the very beginning, royal marriages set the standard for what weddings in India would be like even years later – horses, elephants, chandeliers, gold, music, dance and food of the richest varieties. An Indian wedding is thus truly an affair to remember and cherish with so many people coming together to celebrate love.

A typical Indian wedding today consists of a long week of celebrations; all of which carries heavy significance. The week starts off with Shagun, or the meeting of the two families over lunch or dinner, followed by Mehendi, Sangeet and Cocktail Night, which boils down to henna, music and drinks. These affairs are preparation for the bride’s big day and bring together all of her family and friends as a single unit, creating bonds and friendships and extinguishing any distance that may have developed due to their busy lives. These events are then followed by the Ring Ceremony or the Engagement, which is another elaborate affair. For the Ring Ceremony, the bride will be decked out in the most beautiful lehengas or sarees and the venue will be lined with colorfully lit trees. Loud and joyful, Bollywood music will play as ten different cuisines are lined up hot and freshly prepared.

When the big day comes, the bride relaxes and pampers herself all morning, followed by an evening at the beauty parlor to get her hair, makeup and outfit done alongside her bridesmaids. She dresses up in a beautiful, red lehenga with gold jewellry and lots of traditional bangles that are all signs of her purity, beauty and exclusivity. The groom too, dresses up in an elaborate traditional suit and arrives to the venue on a horse followed by his family dancing to the beats of drums. Once the groom is welcomed and settled, the bride arrives and walks towards the stage under a floral umbrella carried by her brothers.

What follows next is a series of photo taking with their families followed by dinner which is again an elaborate amalgamation of various cuisines from all around the world. Towards midnight, all the guests leave and only the close group of family of the bride and the groom stay behind for the vows. The vows are spoken by an Indian priest under a floral cabana known as the Mandapa, which is made of flowers and ribbons. The bride and groom sit in front of a holy fire and carry out the vows all night as their close family sits beside them.

At the end of the night, after the vows are completed, the bride bids farewell to her family one last time and leaves with the groom; starting a new chapter in life full of love, joy and peace.   

Radhika Sharma is a junior at high school in New Delhi, India. She plans on doing a double major in Communications & Marketing at college. Radhika writes a blog,  The Confetti Girl  alongside working on her own magazine being launched this year, The Ink Insight; and writing for magazines such as Miss Heard, On the Line Report, I AM THAT GIRL and Girl Zone.

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What’s in a (Big, Fat) Indian Wedding? 

Dhruv and Emilia complete the pheras (vows) while walking around the sacred fire. (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

“C’mon, it’s not that cold,” I muttered to my cousin who sat next to me layering yet another shawl across her lap.  

“Put your other shawl on,” my aunt screeched at us from the backseat of the open-air jeep. “Cover yourselves properly or you’ll catch a cold.” I dutifully wrapped another shawl around my body.

As we drove onwards—leaving behind the city lights and bumper to bumper traffic—I took a deep breath in, closed my eyes and tried to soak up this moment. The slight discomfort of the chilly desert air, the sounds of my agitated aunts in the backseat, and the excitement for what lay ahead. With a blink of an eye, this weekend would be behind us and we would only be left with fond memories and photographs. 

I opened my eyes, and the jeep jolted to a stop. We looked around in admiration at the scenery before us: miles of sand dunes, a beautifully lit stage, dinner tables draped with bright fabrics and waiters walking around with plates of sizzling appetizers. 

I posed for a photo in front of the jeep when the DJ hit play, and Bollywood beats reverberated throughout the dunes. Hordes of fancily clad men and women stepped off the buses. Here we go , I thought to myself, let the wedding festivities begin !  

Round One: A Night on the Dunes

If you’ve ever been to an Indian wedding (or if you’ve watched Bride and Prejudice ), you know that they can never be too bold, too bright or too big. In fact, the bolder, the better. 

Dhruv Salhotra and Emilia Allen held their wedding at the Khimsar Fort and Dunes, a luxury hotel in the northern Indian state of Rajasthan. (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

I have attended several Indian weddings here in Houston, but I’ve only been to two in India, which is, of course, where the true glitz and glamor of the Hindu wedding shines. This was certainly the case last December, when I experienced an Indian wedding extravaganza firsthand at my cousin Dhruv Salhotra and wife Emilia Allen’s wedding in India. The couple chose a destination wedding in a town called Khimsar, about 60 miles outside of Jodhpur in the northern state of Rajasthan. 

The wedding was held at a 16th century fortress that has since been converted to a luxury hotel. Picture the architecture of a castle, the grounds of an estate and the sounds of a big, crazy Punjabi family, and you’ll have a pretty accurate picture of the weekend.

The wedding craziness started when we arrived at the fort on Saturday, Dec.15, 2018. The entire 84-room hotel was rented out for the wedding, with about 200 guests attending. That afternoon, everyone was running around the hotel trying to get their clothes ironed in time for the first function; meanwhile, the groom’s sister was rallying everyone for dance practice (yes, there really are choreographed dances), and the aunts were already gossiping about who in the family was next in line to get married (not me, thank God). 

About an hour after the designated start-time for the first function—since we were, of course, running on “Indian Standard Time”—we were ready to head to the Sangeet , a pre-wedding party where the family gathers to sing, dance and celebrate the joy of the upcoming union. Like the Indian wedding more broadly, the Sangeet is a time for the families and friends to celebrate what is, according to Indian tradition, the most important milestone in an individual’s life.      

The bride-and groom-to-be arrived at the party fashionably late with nothing short of a royal entrance. Both Dhruv and Emi love to dance, and neither are afraid of the spotlight. So, they entered the dunes looking like movie stars, wearing matching silver and maroon attire and getting down to “Suit Suit,” a Punjabi song in which a male singer admires a woman wearing a Punjabi dress.   

Once on stage, the couple dragged their friends and family onto the dance floor, all of whom were eager to show off their own moves. Soon, Vedanta, my cousin’s husband who I swear was born to be an MC, took over the mic and asked everyone to surround the stage. Uh oh, it was time for the choreographed dances...

Emilia Allen and Dhruv Salhotra perform a choreographed dance during the Sangeet. They danced to a medley of three songs: Calvin Harris’ Summer , Don Omar’s Danza Kuduro  and Salim Merchant’s Bollywood song Ainyvayi Ainvayi .  (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

For months, my family’s WhatsApp group had been buzzing with videos and messages about these dances that had been carefully planned by Dhruv’s friends. But, despite all the discussion, it was only hours before the event that we had finally practiced the moves. So, you can see why I had low expectations for my family. 

To my surprise, though, everyone met the challenge, and the performances went off without a hitch. Apparently, my family knows how to dance under pressure.

The dances were sequenced such that they told a story about Dhruv, who moved from India to the United States at age 18 and later fell in love with Emilia, a Puerto Rican-American woman who grew up in Michigan.  

In my favorite performance, Dhruv’s uncles (including my dad) danced to “Meri Pant Bhi Sexy,” meaning “My pants are sexy.” This dance was meant to show “where it all started” (i.e. where Dhruv gets his swagger). I, for one, was bent over laughing hysterically as I watched the four big-bellied bald Indian men swaying their hips and mouthing that their hair is sexy.  

A pre-wedding party, the Sangeet, was held on the sand dunes the night before the wedding. (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

I soon had to pull myself together, though, as the cousins were next up, performing “Dilli Walli Girlfriend,” a song about a man who left his girlfriend in Delhi. This song symbolized Dhruv’s fascination for the US and his desire to leave India for the States.  

As portrayed through the following dances, Dhruv fell in love with Emilia, but was soon feeling his homeland of India calling him back. Ultimately, he proposed to Emilia before moving back to New Delhi to start his own business. The couple managed a two-year long-distance engagement leading up to their two weddings: one in Detroit in August 2018 followed by this wedding in India.

The dance numbers culminated with performances by Emi and Dhruv themselves, who, as a testament to their global relationship, performed one American song, one Latin song and one Bollywood song to a raucous applause from the audience. 

After dancing for hours, we finally shuffled our way into the dining room at 12 a.m. Despite the hour, we stuffed ourselves with Rajasthani specialties like lamb curry and bajre ki roti (millet bread), and desserts like gajar halwa (a carrot dessert) and ras malai (a cottage cheese dessert). By the time we made it back to the fort and I hit the hay, it was past 2 a.m. 

Round Two: Mehndi Party 

The groom’s sister (at left) helps bride Emilia Allen apply a necklace while Emilia’s feet are decorated with mehndi . (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

The next day we woke and prepared ourselves for round two: the mehndi party, which would get started around noon. Mehndi is the oldest form of body art, in which decorative designs are applied to the body with a paste that comes from the leaves of a henna plant. The paste is dark green when applied, but once dried and washed off, it reveals a reddish color. Aside from being decorative, mehndi is also known for its medicinal properties; supposedly mehndi was traditionally applied on brides to relieve wedding-day stresses. 

Emi’s bridal henna had already started the prior day. Two artists had spent almost three hours applying henna to her feet and legs, and then Emi waited about three more hours before removing it. During the Mehndi party, artists applied henna from Emi’s fingertip to lower bicep, spending about five hours from application to removal.  

Dhruv’s older sister, Shivani, shows off her mehndi , a form of ancient body art typically used during Indian weddings. (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

It’s commonly believed that the darker the color of the henna tattoo, the more you will be loved by your husband and mother-in-law. So, after my cousins and I had washed our hands, we compared the colors of our own tattoos. “I guess you will be loved more than me,” one of my cousins joked as she compared the light orange shade with our younger cousin’s darker red.

Traditions aside, the mehndi party is truly another opportunity to dance, sing, eat and celebrate—something that Punjabis will do whenever the opportunity presents itself. 

This mid-day celebration took place on the rooftop of the fort, which was decorated with green, yellow and pink canopies and flowers. 

After eating more than my stomach could handle and dancing till my feet were numb, we had a couple hours rest before it would be time for the final round—the wedding ceremony.  

The Final Round: Tying the Knot 

After celebrating the night prior and all afternoon, it was finally time for Emi and Dhruv to officially tie the knot.

Prior to the wedding ceremony, Dhruv’s sisters and female cousins tied a traditional beaded veil on his face. (Photo: Poonam Salhotra)

But, several traditions, kicking off around 6 p.m. would first lead up to that big moment. It started with one of my favorite parts of Indian weddings: the baraat . The baraat is the groom’s procession to meet the bride’s family and traditionally involves the groom’s family and friends dancing from the groom’s home towards the marriage location. In this case, we simply danced from the entrance of the fort to inside of it. 

Despite the short distance, the baraat lasted an hour, as the procession spent more time dancing in place than moving forward. It featured Dhruv at the back of the line, dancing through the sunroof of a decorated a car, wearing a bright turban on his head and a sehra , a traditional flower veil, over his face. 

Dhruv’s younger cousin Ishan Salhotra (at left) and Emilia’s younger brother Scott Allen (at right) pose after they exchanged garlands during the milni ceremony. (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

When we finally reached the inside of the fort, it was time for the milni , where each man from the bride’s side welcomes the corresponding relative from the groom’s side by exchanging flower garlands (e.g. Emi’s father exchanged a garland with Dhruv’s father). 

I struggled to get a solid viewing spot of the milni and ended up nearly tripping over my high heels in doing so. The biggest lesson I learned from the wedding: opt for flats rather than heels. 

By this point, it was already 9 p.m., and we were ready for another round of a multi-cuisine all-you-can-eat feast. 

Once our bellies were full and our feet tired, we moved towards the mandap, the canopy under which the Hindu ceremony, to be led by a local priest, would take place. The ceremony lasted about two hours, starting at 10:30 p.m., but among all the different traditions and religious rituals, the most important part of the ceremony was undoubtedly the seven pheras , or wedding vows. 

Before taking the vows, the bride’s saree and the groom’s scarf are tied together in a knot. Then, while reciting each vow, the couple revolves around a sacred fire seven times. Broadly, the vows cover the promises that each partner should uphold in their married life.  

After two days of nonstop events, Dhruv and Emilia are finally married.  (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

The pheras are a beautiful part of Indian weddings, but I am always distracted by the physical feat: how does the couple manage to so gracefully circle a fire, while tied together and wearing such cumbersome clothing, all the while reciting vows in Sanskrit? 

As I sat in front of the mandap , still marveling at this impressive ritual, I realized the wedding weekend was drawing to a close. After congratulating the newlyweds, everyone would disperse to their rooms, and the next morning would be occupied by the chaos of guests packing up and saying their goodbyes. 

But my sadness was quickly replaced, first with amusement—when I heard my aunts again speculating on who would get married next—and then with excitement the next morning, as I looked ahead to the next adventure. For the following week, my family was set to sightsee in Rajasthan, a state known for its temples, fortresses and regal history. 

If you or someone you know is planning a trip to Rajasthan, check out the below list of my favorite spots!  

Rajasthan highlights from Pooja’s Trip: 

• Sardar market:  Take a tuk tuk to Sardar Market, where you can immerse yourself in the hustle and bustle of the local culture and find bargains on clothing, jewelry and more. 
• Mehranghar Fort:   Visit the imposing 15th century fort that was recently the filming location of Disney’s 1994 The Jungle Book as well as the 2012 film The Dark Night Rises.  
• Umaid Bhawan Palace:  Visit Umaid Bhawan Palace for a close-up look of where Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas got married last year! Look out for the collection of Rolls Royces opposite the entrance. 
• Ronakpur Temple:  If you’re driving from Jodhpur to Udaipur, be sure to stop at this beautiful Jain Temple. The inside feature 1444 carved marble pillars, each with a slightly different design.  
• City Palace:  Explore the rich heritage of the Mewar Dynasty at this palace complex overlooking Lake Pichola. Grab a bite to eat at The Sunset Terrace .
• Kumbhalgar:  This UNESCO World Heritage Site is also the second largest wall in the world (second to the Great Wall of China). Be sure to wear comfortable shoes as you’ll be doing some climbing. 

Friends and family of the bridge and groom dance to celebrate the upcoming marriage. (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

The mehndi function was held on the rooftop of the Khimsar Fort and Dunes prior to the wedding ceremony. (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

The groom, Dhruv, strikes a pose on the dance floor. (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

Parents of the groom Anuradha Salhotra and Rakesh Salhotra dance together during the mehndi function. (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

Dhruv’s nieces, Vedika Bakhru (left) and Saisha Bakhru (right) performed a special dance during the mehndi function. (Photo: Pooja Salhotra)

Newlyweds Emilia and Dhruv exit the church and receive a showering of bubbles from guests. (Photo: Steven Pham)

Emilia Allen and Dhruv Salhotra were married by Rev. Rick Dake at Clarkston United Methodist Church in Michigan. (Photo: Steven Pham)

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International

The Big Fat Indian Wedding From the Eyes of a Traveller

Did you know that India’s Big Fat Wedding Market is more than $ 50 Billion ?

Welcome to the fusion of Travelling and Wedding…”trawedusion”. The season is right at the eternal door of two souls…and you know what exactly I’m talking about…the most vicious man made institution under the sun captured in one frame. For a traveller who seek to capture the most brilliant side of Indian culture, his presence at the big fat Indian wedding is an ultimatum. The best way to collect the moments that those two souls weave is to capture them candidly. So knock the “candid photographer” in you and blend with the gala event and rich traditions… those which are preserved like unique gems. The traveller in you will come to know that wedding in India goes beyond being just a mere unity of two souls.

The adjective “fat “is often used to describe an Indian Wedding on grounds of the exotic preparation, mammoth reception arrangements and the congregation of hundreds of people for one holy reason. Starting from ceremonial rituals like sangeet, bhet, haldi, mehndi, charath, barati, kaleera , jaimala, maang bharna, saat phere, kanya dan, and vidai to some exotic cuisine belonging to different culture such as bhetki maacher paturi in a Bengali wedding, Kaddoo ki sabzi and Litti Chokha in a north Indian wedding, tandoori in a Punjabi wedding, Dal-bati-churma in a Rajasthani wedding, Undhiyo in a Gujarati wedding, Batate wada in a Marathi wedding, and Benne Dosa in a south Indian wedding everything seem to be treasure trove for a traveller who is unfamiliar with the traditional Indian wedding. So there goes another BHUKKAR… in other words a traveller whose eyes strains towards the menu and mouth waters standing at the buffet. These activities observed in an Indian wedding will continue to fascinate travellers from far or near, every time and always who chance upon an Indian wedding… INVITED OR UNINVITED.

The most beautiful feature of an Indian wedding is that it is polychromatic and all the shades of our cultures are deeply embedded in our weddings, because we don’t marry as Indian but as Marathis, Punjabis, Muslims, Bengalis and the alike. A traveller who lands in any Indian Wedding is sure to present himself with a lot of sweet and funny customs and bathe in the sentiments of the tradition.

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Types of Indian Weddings

A traveller would be spellbound seeing the different traditions and rituals encompassing the occasion and the sublimity with which they are performed.

Marathi Wedding

The first step in a Maratha wedding is Lagnaach Bedi, or finding a suitable bride. It is followed by Baithak , where the two families meet for matrimonial discussions. Then is the religious part or Guna Milana where the bride’s and groom’s astronomical compatibilities are considered. The Marathi Wedding is pretty simple but is sure to grab your attention by its opulence. The ceremony rings the bell with engagement, which is followed by the Simat Puja, where the bride’s parents wash the groom’s feet with water at their own place. Next is the Sankalp ceremony, a ritual that features throwing of unbroken rice on the couple. The couple then takes holy vows and is blessed by the elders. On the wedding day the traveller’s eyes will come across several rituals (rasam) like Ganapatipujan, Punyavacahan, Devdevak, Gaurihar Puja, Lagna Muhurt, Kanyadan, Akshataropan, Mangalsutra bandhan, vivah hom, lajja hom, and Saptapadi. The most interesting and emotional part is the Kanyadan rasam… whereas vivah hom, lajja hom, and saptapadi are lights for candid photography.

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Punjabi Wedding

If you have been travelling and feel like taking rest in the house of the bride or groom, then a Punjabi marriage is sure to torture you! The Punjabi wedding is as musical and pompous as they themselves are. There are two separate sets of customs for the bride and the groom encompassing engagements, applying turmeric, and mehendi. Two of the most remarkable customs would be Raat Jaga where the bride’s relatives spend the whole night with fun and music and Sorbala, where the groom’s relatives dress like the groom and its fun. An explorer can treat his five senses to all the interesting things that a Punjabi marriage has to offer -be it the grandeur of the decoration, flavour and taste of ghee and kebabs and the grooving music of dhols… and whooping the ambiance with BHANGRA.

Rajasthani Wedding

Every couple dreams of having a marriage as imperial and majestic as a conventional Rajput or Rajasthani marriage. The Rajasthani Wedding or Marwari Wedding is royal and maintained by the parameters of heritage. Rajasthan itself is a land of surreal and exotic places and would charm the travellers. A proper conventional Rajasthani wedding is actually gauged with money. An invitee or a traveller from a different culture will be overwhelmed by the hospitality of a Rajput family. The grace, luxury and wonderful venues will fill the travellers’ heart with a cordial reception. A little break from the rituals might allow you to spend some time in awe of the romantic and chivalrous architectures resonating from the walls of the heritage assets and palaces. The concept desert marriages is also exciting for a traveller who can only think of indoor marriages, hired musicians and improvised sets. What can be more romantic than tying the knot with the shimmering sun as a witness? A stranger would not like to miss the sight of a bride hiding behind a long choli .The family members celebrate among themselves in different groups or mehefils.

Bengali Wedding

Bengali marriages are also not far away from the fever of heritage marriages. The Burdwan Raja’s palace is a fine site to host marriages. If you are in Bengal for the first time and are invited to a Bengali wedding, you surely will fall in love with the culture and rituals of the Bengalis. The hall rooms and the beautiful chandeliers speak volumes about the ancient times. The same thing can be said about the Marble palace , a 19 th century mansion in North Kolkata.The aura of ancient times, authentic Bengali recipes, a bride in heavy gold jewellery and lots and lots of rituals is sure to enrich the diary of an explorer with unforgettable memories. The bride and the groom are made to feel like a king and a queen on this day. If you are invited to a Bengali Wedding …be sure the next days will be full of entertainment and hospitality which would make you feel at home. The bride and the groom are covered with turmeric the day before and fed curd before dawn. Traditionally and ideally the bride should come in a mighty palanquin or palki.The bride and groom are not allowed to see each other until half of the customs are over. You would not like to miss any moment and replenish it time and again from the pages of memory.

Gujarati Wedding

Photo Courtesy: Sudipta Dey, Jodhpur Park, Kolkata

Although the wedding rituals in a Gujarati wedding are more or less similar to a Marathi wedding but the traveller can easily distinguish a Gujarati wedding from the attire, ambiance, music, dance, and cuisine. Ethnicity is the key when it comes to a Gujarati wedding… the bride draped in traditional red bandhani saree and the groom in dhoti kurta. With changes of time the tradition has been overleaped by different shades of bridal sarees and lehangas and grooms often opt for stylish western kurta pyjamas. But the ambiance is fanned with a rich décor and fan fare. One of the most unique part of a Gujarati wedding is ‘garba’… when both the family members gathers before the wedding day for a grand celebration with dandiya sticks to dance in pairs. Another striking feature in a Gujarati wedding that any traveller will come across is Chero Pakaryo, which is an exclusive Gujarati custom. It is a kind of amusement after the serious traditional ritual. In this custom, the groom is made to tug the sari of his mother in law as she passes from the Mandap in way that it looks he is asking the bride’s family for gifts.

Tamil Wedding

Rich in tradition but not as flashy as any other Indian wedding… the Tamil wedding is generally followed by vedic rituals and simple dress code, usually bare-chested with a veshti for grooms and sarees or Madisaar for brides. Before nischayathartham – The Engagement Ceremony, there is a procession called Janavasam where the groom arrives to the wedding venue in a decorated carriage to receive the ‘veshti’ for nischayathartham. The engagement ceremony is followed by Kashi Yatra, where the groom steps out of the marriage hall with an umbrella, a fan, a walking stick, and a towel containing dhal and rice tied to his shoulder. That’s the most unique part of a Tamil wedding, which is followed by exchange of garlands, oonjal, Kannika Dhanam, Kankana Dhaaranam, Mangalyadharanam, Sapthapadi, Pala Dhanam, Pradhana Homam, Lajja Homam, Nalangu, Jayadhi Homam, Pravesa Homam, and Sesha Homam.

Muslim Wedding

The Muslim wedding, they say is different, it is a religious obligation. The bride’s family and the groom’s family sit on the either side of a curtain. Their marriage relies on commitment or Qubool and is witnessed by minimum two witnesses’. Another most interesting part of a Muslim wedding is ‘wazwan’, which is a multi-course meal in Muslim Kashmiri cuisine. In general a Muslim wedding is famed for its sybaritic ambiance… with a rich blend of tradition that includes décor, costumes, and cuisine.

Christian Wedding

A Christian Marriage is a relaxation to the eyes .It is a movie which a traveler would like to be a part of. The bride traditionally wears a white gown …her long flowing veil is flanked by Flower girls, Brides maids and most importantly the maid -of- honour and the groom dressed formally with his set of pals. The two take vows of marriage in front of the priest with the cherry on the cake being…the two planting a kiss on one another.

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The Food Quotient

A lot of other communities have a lot of rituals but what is common about them is maintaining the food quotient. When it comes to food, we Indians are real patriotic and extremely conservative. Apart from catering to the multifarious tastes of the boarders, the hotel industry also needs to cater to the taste of the marriage parties. Among loads of mouthwatering dishes some noteworthy would be Amti bhaat and Varan Bhat of the Marathis, Misti doi and Rasgollas of the Bengalis. Traditional Rajasthani wedding dish is rich and cooked in pure ghee and includes papar,dal batti and gate ki sabji.The plum cake and wine distinguish Christian wedding recipe from all others.

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The Theme Wedding Concept

Photo: Bollywood Theme

Photo Courtesy: www.bridalguide.com

Which traveler would not like to kill two birds with one arrow? An amazing marriage at an exclusive locale is just icing on the cake. And the top up is if there’s a theme.

Hence the selection of a proper venue is paramount to a successful marriage.

Photo: Moroccan Theme

Photo Courtesy: www.subhmuhurat.co.in

The concept of theme wedding and destination wedding has newly evolved keeping in view the changing tastes of the modern generations. There are numerous event management companies that give shape to a couple’s dream of holding a marriage in tune with a theme. Such themes may vary from colour-based themes to flower based themes, from mughal wedding themes to bollywood theme, and from vintage to rural themes. Moreover themes like indoor garden, circus, Go Glam with Bulbs & Sequins, and Origami are mostly found in cities like New Delhi, Pune, Mumbai and Bangalore. Destination marriages are characterized by wedding a hundred miles away from home that may be sea, valley or even a swimming pool area. A change in ambience gives a different dimension to the occasion.

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Indian Honeymoon Destinations … not for the traveller

Finally the couple gets a relief from all the knots of customs and flies off for a honeymoon, a romantic escapade post the wedding rituals. Mostly places enriched with scenic beauties that provide solace and scope to breed love are chosen this reason. This loved customary brings the couple back to reality where customs and conventions actually rule our entire lives. However lengthy, muscular and heavy Indian Weddings might be we long to be a part of them and keep amusing the travellers and their insatiable quest to sense the booming heart of our beautiful wedding celebration. Some of the popular honeymoon destinations in India are the Andaman and Nicobar Islands; the soft sandy beaches of Goa; Munnar, Alleppey, and Kochi in Kerala; Ooty in Tamil Nadu; Jaisalmer and Udaipur in Rajasthan; Agra in Uttar Pradesh; Manali in Himachal Pradesh; Gulmarg, Pehlgam, and Srinagar in Kashmir region; Gangtok in Sikkim; Darjeeling in West Bengal; Nainital in Kumaon region; and Shillong in Meghalaya. Some of the off beat honeymoon destinations in India are the Little Rann of Kutch in Gujarat; the barren beauty of the Ladakh region and Lahaul-Spiti region; unexplored Arunachal Pradesh; and the rich biosphere of Khasi and Garo hills in Meghalaya.

They say the journey is better than arriving at the destination. However if it is perceived through the eyes of a traveller and the travel is for attending any wedding then the novelty of every wedding will persist to be captivating. It is experiencing the life in a different world for a couple of days. Far away from the chores of life, a traveler picks some moments of gems and cherishes it for the rest of his life.

About Swairik Das

Brought up from the cultural capital of India, Kolkata, Swairik Das is a passionate traveller who seeks to travel and explore the length and breadth of the country. He is also a dedicated travel writer, blogger and photographer who by heart is also an adventure freak. His focus is mostly into exploring and writing on trekking, jungle safaris and several adventure activities; religion, festival, heritage, people and cuisine.

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Inside the wedding company tailormaking the quintessential big fat Indian wedding experience 

The whole world has four seasons. In India, there’s a fifth, namely, the Indian wedding season . Yes, our preoccupation with weddings is legendary. Ask someone who plans them for a living. Enter The Mogra Collective—the boutique wedding planning firm helmed by Karuna Reddy and Malvika Poddar. 

Karan & Gaurav

Gulab Bagh Taj West Ends Bengaluru 

How it all started

For Karuna Reddy, a former art director and Malvika Poddar, a chef, the shift towards wedding planning was quite organic. "Clients during shoots would often ask me to help with an event or project. We then took up our first project and the feeling after putting it together was just so special," quips Reddy. Poddar also joined hands, bringing in her expertise from the hospitality industry—something that she’s always been passionate about. Thus was born The Mogra Collective . 

Co-founders Malvika Poddar & Karuna Reddy 

The numbers

Between the duo, Reddy looks at the creative side of things. “I’m the director whereas Malvika is the producer who handles finances and logistics,” she says. While the company has about 18 employees, anytime there’s an active project, there are about 400 people on-ground. For bigger weddings, the company is often onboarded almost a year in advance—something the team prefers. And in order to do justice to each and every wedding, the team doesn’t take on more than 10-12 weddings a year. 

The big fat Indian wedding   

Over the years, The Mogra Collective has helmed weddings of every shape and size. In recent times, they were the team behind the high-profile wedding of Nidhi Hasija and Amit Mandre. Considering it was a weekday wedding in Bengaluru city, they were tasked with bringing their vision to life at the Taj West End Bengaluru. The mehndi which happened indoors required the team to transform the ballroom into an outdoor space. "We erected lounges and spaces laden with flowers. Everyone was calling it the Gulab Bagh. The bride wore Sabyasachi with vintage, warm colours. On the wedding day, we created a contemporary mandap; there were modern arches and a 300 feet walkway framed by mirrors and strewn with flowers. It was just magical!” say the duo. 

Nidhi & Amit 

Gulab Bagh at Taj West End Bengaluru

The couple also recently completed another big fat Indian wedding in Rajasthan—the only difference was that it was for a same-sex couple, Karan and Gaurav. The Mogra Collective came on board almost a year ago for this destination wedding that had guests flying in from all over the globe. “For an event in the dunes, we erected even the basics like septic tanks and washrooms with a view of the dunes! Everything was customised from the cocktail menu to the grooms' outfits. Even guests were requested to follow a colour palette ,” they share. 

Destination wedding in Rajasthan 

The good, the bad and the ugly  

Having planned so many weddings, we wonder what the learnings have been—both good and bad. Reddy is quick to add the challenge often lies in explaining colour palettes to clients who may not always understand design. It’s also a very tough business that has high levels of stress. “We work across terrains and deal with local hurdles like logistics and licenses. However, on the wedding day, when we see our designs and most importantly the couple and their family, it makes everything worth it. Weddings are so ingrained in our culture”, says Reddy. For The Mogra Collective duo, also a couple, a wedding is always a collaboration between the couple and them that creates a beautiful ceremony. The pay off no doubt is being a part of that special day that the family has looked forward to their entire life.

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The Ambani Gala Expands the Limits of the Big Fat Indian Wedding

Apart from indicating social status and wealth, in the age of social media, nuptials have also become opportunities to showcase one’s identity and lifestyle.

In 2013, when a journalist asked Shah Rukh Khan if we would ever see the three Khan superstars of Bollywood — him, Aamir and Salman — in a film together, he jokingly replied, “One would have to sell their undergarments while trying to sign the three of us,” indicating how expensive and difficult this collaboration would be. When these three come together at an event the cameras are always pointed toward them. So when the trio performed at the pre-wedding celebrations of Anant Ambani — the youngest son of Indian industrialist Mukesh Ambani, Asia’s richest man and among the world’s top billionaires — it was a pop culture moment that Indians will remember for years to come. It also highlighted the immense social capital of the Ambanis, because the Khans, each of them actors who can easily command over $12 million per film, reportedly performed for free at the event.

The Khans’ dance to the Oscar-winning song “Naatu Naatu” was not the only big moment at the three-day gala. The Ambanis got Rihanna to perform in India for the first time. Punjabi singer Diljit Dosanjh, who performed at Coachella last year, also brought the house down, as did Senegalese-American singer Akon, in addition to a host of popular Bollywood singers, stars and cricketers. Altogether, more than 10 singers performed over three days, a lineup worthy of an international festival. High-profile guests such as Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Ivanka Trump, Qatar’s Prime Minister Mohammed bin Jassim Al Thani, along with Bhutan’s King Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck and Queen Jetsun Pema were also in attendance.

Radhika Merchant, Anant’s fiancee and daughter of billionaire Viren Merchant, wore a custom Versace gown similar to one worn by American actor Blake Lively for the 2022 Met Gala. Anant’s mother, Nita, turned heads with her emerald necklace worth over $60 million, as did his sister, Isha, with her jewel-encrusted blouse.

The catering, too, attracted media attention. Twenty-one chefs prepared a mouthwatering array of dishes: 75 different dishes for breakfast, more than 200 for lunch, nearly 300 for dinner, and 85 for the midnight meal.

For three days, all eyes were on the quaint coastal city of Jamnagar, whose small domestic airport was granted international status for 10 days to facilitate the hundreds of private jets flying guests in and out of the city. Candid moments, outfits, and song and dance performances made headlines, and people were glued to social media for days. The Ambani pre-wedding bash was all Indians wanted to talk about.

News publications the world over were also drawn to the festivities that reportedly cost $152 million. Unable to make sense of this display of wealth at a time when quiet luxury is trending, The Guardian called the event “an ode to excess” and “unashamedly flashy,” while the U.K.’s Daily Mail took note of the poverty and income inequality in Jamnagar and the rest of India.

For Indians, the only unusual aspect of the event was that this was a pre-wedding gala and not the actual wedding, which will be held in the summer. They weren’t surprised at the ostentatiousness, given this is the norm for weddings in the country.

Weddings are a significant indicator of one’s status and wealth in Indian society. Lavish weddings are aspirational. And in the age of social media, they provide an opportunity to display one’s identity and lifestyle. Exotic destinations, high-end venues, decor, designer outfits, jewelry, menus, guests, celebrity performances — all contribute to it, and Indians love to be in the spotlight for it. But it’s not just about what couples spend. “How much you can afford to waste during a wedding also signals your status,” explained Guwahati-based sociologist Moureen Kalita.

For the Ambanis, the celebrations became a “projection” of their “national power,” wrote Indian academic Pratap Bhanu Mehta in The Indian Express. “The idea that one can get anyone, no matter how powerful, to show up and make them dance, is quite a show of power. You might be secretary of state or the world’s greatest star. But you still show up to an event if the Ambanis summon,” he said. In 2018, when Mukesh’s daughter Isha was getting married, Hillary Clinton attended the pre-wedding festivities in Udaipur and Beyonce performed.

To Leher Kala, a columnist on culture and society for The Indian Express, the recent pre-wedding festivities felt “fantastical.” “There are very few people in India, in fact anywhere in the world, who have that kind of social capital,” she said. “Indians don’t have very good examples of people who live life king-size or legacy billionaires who have houses in Capri and go to Ibiza for holidays. We don’t have icons who spend. … So the Ambanis are setting a new bar. They want to celebrate larger than life. Westerners have done it for centuries. So they are probably the first ones in India living like the new royals,” she said.

Hence, for many Indians, aware of the contradictions and inequalities that exist in the country, the pre-wedding was also a moment of pride: So what if India isn’t rich, it has the world’s richest. “To have Rihanna and Akon perform, and Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg in attendance — it’s a signal to the world,” said Kala. “That they don’t just count themselves amongst the Birlas and the Adanis, they’re now the international super-rich, even in the way they entertain.” The occasion and opulence of the wedding provides them with the perfect opportunity to do that, where they blend the modern with the traditional and project to the world how they see themselves.

In Indian society, individuality is not only defined by one’s accomplishments and character but also by one’s circle of acquaintances, friends and the number of important and influential people one knows. Indians also derive a great deal of validation from how people in society view them. People make personal and familial decisions with that in mind.

Even a small farmer would want to throw as lavish a wedding party as his finances would allow. While researching conspicuous consumption via wedding celebrations in rural India in the early 2000s, economist Vijayendra Rao and scholars Francis Bloch and Sonalde Desai came across a farmer who owned 2 acres of land and threw a big party for his daughter’s wedding. When asked what his motivation was, he said that since the groom was educated with a job in the city and belonged to a landowning family, he wanted to “show” the elevated social status that he had acquired by association.

It’s not that Indians are unsurprised at the scale and glamour of lavish weddings. But a wedding is an occasion when Indians genuinely allow themselves to splurge and indulge without judgment. Guided by celebrity trends and social media, the growing scale of Indian weddings has also led to a thriving industry, which is often called “recession-proof” and “weather-resistant” because come rain or shine, weddings don’t stop in India.

Of course, during the pandemic people had to reconcile with the new reality, and the typical, big Indian wedding was scaled down, making way for intimate weddings and home ceremonies. However, it was a culture shock for Indians and prompted many to postpone their nuptials.

The wasteful expenditure that has become more common at weddings is defended by pointing to the number of jobs that they create. The wedding industry includes a wide range of subindustries and service providers from wedding planners, decorators, caterers and photographers to venue and hospitality managers, designers, entertainers, makeup artists, and light and sound technicians. A big-ticket wedding is said to employ between 500 and 700 people, and wedding budgets can range from $6,000 to $120,000 — and beyond. According to some estimates, the wedding industry in India is worth $50 billion a year, with an annual growth rate of 25% to 30%. Industry insiders believe that India may hit $75 billion during the 2023-2024 wedding season.

The popularity of destination weddings has also led to a rise in tourism. Popular destinations in Goa and Rajasthan, and cities such as Agra and Mussoorie, are also sought after for hosting weddings. The rich and famous take it a notch higher with exotic destinations in countries such as Turkey, Thailand, Malaysia, Portugal, Oman or France. Locations such as Lake Como, Tuscany and the Amalfi Coast in Italy are particularly popular for Indian destination weddings. The Economic Times estimates that a two-day destination wedding in a five-star hotel at an Indian location for 200 guests costs between $365,000 and $600,000, and a wedding at a foreign destination can be more than double that.

With the amount of money wealthy Indians were spending on their destination weddings abroad, Prime Minister Narendra Modi called for couples to host their nuptials in India so that “the country’s money remains in the country.”

After Anant said in interviews that Modi’s remarks prompted the family’s decision to host the event in Jamnagar, many have been speculating that this could kick off a new “wed-in-India” trend. The Ambanis, like others, have previously hosted engagement and pre-wedding festivities for their children Isha and Akash in Italy and Switzerland. This is the first time they will have all wedding events in India.

Because the rich and famous set the trends for the rest of society to follow, the culture of large and extravagant weddings can be toxic given the social pressure and unreal expectations it sets for couples and families, who sometimes take out loans to finance these events. In rural areas, the poor often incur substantial debt from hosting such weddings. Though social etiquette is changing in urban areas, traditionally wedding festivities are financed by the daughter’s family, and the marriage alliance depends both on the dowry given to the groom’s family and how well respected they feel during the festivities.

Failure to live up to expectations can have ramifications — the groom’s family could call off the wedding or demand more dowry from the bride’s side. Fights could ensue over something as little as not serving a desired dish, as happened recently in the southern state of Telangana in December when a wedding was called off because the bride’s side did not serve a mutton bone marrow dish at the party, which angered the groom’s family. This is why a daughter’s wedding is the costliest event in the life of an Indian family and a major cause of gender discrimination and femicide in the country.

However, as the celebrations ahead of the Ambani wedding expand the possibilities of what an Indian wedding can look like, one wonders about the limit. Can it be expanded further? If so, how much? Perhaps we’ll have to wait till July when Anant and Radhika’s nuptials take place. The bar has already been set.

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The Jarring Opulence of Anant Ambani’s Big Fat Indian Wedding

O ne would be forgiven for thinking that Anant Ambani, the youngest son of Asia’s richest man, had already gotten married to pharmaceutical heiress Radhika Merchant months ago. After all, the billionaire Ambanis—who run Reliance Industries, India’s largest conglomerate—have hosted several lavish wedding festivities since December.

There was an engagement party in January, followed by a three-day pre-wedding celebration in March in the family’s refinery township of Jamnagar in the state of Gujarat. The star-studded bash caught the world’s attention with its 1,200-person guest list, which included tech billionaires Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates, Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, and an exclusive performance by Rihanna. In May, the Ambanis set off on a four-day European cruise starting in the Italian city of Palermo, featuring on-deck concerts from the Backstreet Boys, Pitbull, and David Guetta. A masquerade ball at the Chateau de la Croix des Gardes mansion in France that month had a performance by Katy Perry, while an evening event in Portofino on the Italian Riviera, also in May, featured Andrea Bocelli. In July, a musical night traditionally known as the sangeet , saw Justin Beiber perform at the Nita Mukesh Ambani Cultural Center, an arts venue founded by the groom’s mother, Nita Ambani. Earlier this week, there was also a private haldi ceremony, a Hindu wedding ritual where friends and family typically bless a couple by applying turmeric paste to the bride and groom.

Read More: What to Know About Anant Ambani’s Star-Studded Indian Billionaire Pre-Wedding

But the mammoth celebrations are yet to culminate in an actual wedding ceremony where Anant Ambani will finally tie the knot with Merchant. The event, which will be held from July 12 at the Jio World Convention Center in Mumbai, is promised to be the most lavish wedding of the year, with festivities extending until July 14.

By most accounts, an extravagant Ambani affair was expected from Mukesh Ambani, the father of the groom, who has an estimated net worth of over $122 billion . For India’s business elite, big Indian weddings are not only for creating memorable moments, but also a way to display their wealth, status, and social capital. The Indian luxury wedding market has grown so big in recent years that wealthy Indians now spend over $75 billion annually on weddings that attract the country’s biggest celebrities, fashion designers, and entertainment influencers, according to a report by WedMeGood , an Indian wedding planner.

Nor is this the first time that the Ambanis have made headlines for throwing a bash: in 2018, the family hosted the most expensive Indian wedding to date for Mukesh Ambani’s daughter, Isha, at a reported cost of almost $100 million. The wedding was spread across Udaipur, Mumbai, and Lake Como, and featured Beyoncé as the headliner.

Yet, the opulence of the latest Ambani wedding has caused discomfort for those who find the display of wealth jarring in a country with soaring income inequality under the rise of Indian billionaires. “The magnificence of this wedding is evocative of existing, and widening, inequality in India and the cultural ease with which this privilege is sometimes flaunted,” says Anuradha Sajjanhar, author of The New Experts: Populist Elites and Technocratic Promises in Modi's India .

Today, India’s richest 1% own around 40% of the country’s wealth, according to Credit Suisse data cited by a 2023 Oxfam report, while more than 200 million people continue to live in poverty. One study by the World Inequality Lab in March found that the gap between India’s rich and poor is now so wide that by some measures, there was more equality in India under British colonial rule than today. The report goes on to call it a “Billionaire Raj.”

Read More: India’s Income Inequality Is Now Worse Than Under British Rule, New Report Says

While the Ambanis’ display of wealth has “always bordered on caricature, both real and unreal,” Sajjanhar says the family’s particular aesthetic of corporate wealth “works hand in hand, both symbolically and economically, with the BJP government.” That’s largely due to Mukesh Ambani’s long-held close ties with Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi. During a development summit held in Gujarat earlier this year, the Reliance Chairman praised Modi for his “vision and consistency” and called him “the greatest global leader of our times.” Ambani’s youngest son also paid tribute to the Prime Minister during his pre-wedding celebrations in March, telling a local TV channel that the venue in Jamnagar was inspired by Modi’s “Wed in India” campaign. “It's a matter of pride and happiness when our PM said that one should get married in India," 28-year-old Ambani said. Many outlets have even speculated on whether the Prime Minister himself will make a fleeting appearance at the July 12 wedding.

Critics who allege that this close relationship between India’s leader and India’s richest man has led to crony capitalism—a system under which business leaders benefit from strong relationships with bureaucrats and politicians—were particularly incensed when the Indian government temporarily upgraded the Jamnagar airport’s status from domestic to international overnight in March for the pre-wedding festivities, with staff, military, and air force personnel deployed in service of the Ambanis. The government’s civil aviation office later stated that it did not have any information about which rules and provisions were followed to designate new status to an airport rarely used otherwise. Similarly, this weekend will see restricted access to roads leading up to the wedding venue in Mumbai, with residents slamming officials online for calling the Ambani wedding a “public event.”

Sajjanhar says Indian billionaires like Ambani have for years benefitted from their associations with Modi, as evidenced by state contracts awarded to Reliance to build India's infrastructure, digital connectivity, and commerce. During the first four years under the Modi government, Mukesh Ambani saw his wealth more than double —from $23 billion to $55 billion. At the same time, India’s billionaires have also emerged as political tools for Indian politicians. In February, India’s Supreme Court scrapped electoral bonds, a seven-year-old election funding system introduced by the Modi government, which allowed the ruling party to receive $635 million in corporate donations. Read More: Why India’s Supreme Court Eliminated Anonymous Political Donations

But in a country where millions of middle-class and poor Indians strive to save for their children’s weddings throughout their lives and aspire to have a glitzy wedding celebration of their own, some see an upside to the Ambanis’ ostentatious wedding bash. “To a certain extent, there's an aspirational and entrepreneurial glory attached to their level of wealth,” says Sajjanhar, nodding to popular Bollywood films like Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham and Guru, which have portrayed ultra-rich families and rags-to-riches stories like the Ambanis.

The billionaire family has itself helped boost these aspirations: On July 2, for example, it hosted a mass wedding, also known as “Samuh Vivah,” on the outskirts of Mumbai, giving their blessing to more than 50 underprivileged couples who received gifts ranging from gold ornaments to a year’s worth of groceries.

Some also view it as a sign of India’s rising power on the global stage: “This is, in a vicarious way, the world paying obeisance to India,” writes Indian academic Pratap Bhanu Mehta. “So what if India is not rich. At least it has the world’s richest.”

As photos of the Ambani wedding events—replete with grand destinations, high-end designer outfits, expensive jewelry, and celebrity glamor—continue to flood social media feeds, however, that aspiration has also bordered on a “fiery, widespread resentment of privilege,” says Sajjanhar, with some Indians criticizing the blatant display of wealth. When videos of Anant Ambani’s wedding card—an ornate orange and gold box designed by Indian craftsmen—went viral last month, one incredulous user posted on the social media platform X : “When you are just clueless how to spend the money and wealth you have accumulated,” before adding, “Hence we need wealth redistribution, tax the rich.”

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The fat indian wedding.

Javaid Sofi

Javaid Iqbal is a global fellow at Brandeis University. He is a former management consultant who has worked in a diverse group of industries—ranging from social entrepreneur ship to innovative financial modelling to sustainable development. To understand both sides of the proverbial financial coin, he worked in India within the private sector as a financial consultant as well as in public sector administration. With an MBA in financial management, he worked for a few corporations but soon realized that helping rich people get richer was not his calling. In his spare time, he enjoys watching and playing football, reading creative non-fiction, and recently, writing on socio-political issues to translate international development jargon and updates for public consumption. LESS ... MORE

Growing up, I read a story once about a man who was traveling a long distance with his pony. Someone passed him commenting on how insensitive he was to have the pony carry so much weight. By the end of the story, he was up carrying the pony on his back instead. The same analogy perfects fit the fat Indian wedding. I have never understood the fad for big fat weddings. I believe the reason why Indians spend so much money on marriages, even though it makes absolutely no sense, basically amounts to the perception in society. The perception of what society thinks about us has always driven our thinking, and this is strengthened by generation after generation. Social media has made things worse, as we know. It has triggered an enormous increase in our worldly proclivities. Even our love is a slave to virtual reality. To understand this better, Matrimony.com conducted The Big Fat Indian Wedding Market Survey 2018 to study how the young Indians plan their wedding. They assessed 946 people all over India who participated online. The survey revealed that 20.6% of females were planning to spend Rs.10 to 20 lakhs while it was 11.2% of males for the same spending bracket. 6.1% of female respondents said they were going to pay Rs. 20 to 40 lakhs at the wedding. According to the Wall Street Journal, the great Indian wedding, like the tremendous Indian waistline, has bloated to keep up with great Indian aspirations.

In most of the weddings I have attended, the invitees have always gone back, remarking disapprovingly on at least one aspect of the wedding. The society needs a reason to push you down, and they will always find an excuse. Parents of a whole new generation are about to blow their savings – whether they can afford to or not. In India, marriage is the tangible proof of the socioeconomic status of a family. As such, the upper-middle-class families spend a small fortune during the wedding, and the parents start planning for their child’s marriage years in advance. The competitive spending on weddings has bankrupted many a middle-class family and pushed poorer ones into debt—all to impress friends and family. If a family refuses to spend exorbitant amounts of money on weddings, they are considered social outsiders. India is the world’s second-largest consumer of the metal, and 60% of this demand is due to bridal jewelry — in a country with an annual GDP per capita of only $1805. Weddings today have become a platform to showcase the ability to command respect in our society. This widespread perception is what creates additional societal pressure for parents. They need to plan decades to give in ultimately. Weddings have become the single most visible expression of a person’s social standing and wealth, an indication that is both acceptable. In a country like India, where most people live a simple lifestyle, it’s outrageous that most of the savings of an average middle-class family are kept aside for -their son’s/daughter’s wedding.

In every religion and culture, there are different rituals and customs when it comes to weddings. The events at the wedding could last several days, depending on the region, religion, caste, desire, and spending capacity. Families spend significant sums of money on the venue, decor, outfits, jewelry, and gifts for their relatives. With growing awareness of Instagrammable trends, these costs go up when celebrity makeup artistes and wedding photographers get added to the mix.

While we have always felt the need to be extravagant at weddings, this overindulgence has now reached ridiculous heights.

This pandemic has probably made virtual, the new reality. Indian weddings are associated with lavish food arrangement, grand decor, music, and dance. COVID-19 has forced couples to give up on their plans to have a dream wedding. Zoom has emerged as a solution to get married in front of loved ones while still maintaining social distancing guidance and preventing possible COVID-19 exposure. A wedding is an important day and a significant moment in time. It signifies the day we commit the rest of our lives to another human being—to love, cherish, and honor until death does us part. It is a commitment we make in front of friends and family and often represents the joining of two families. Due to lockdown, marriages are happening with only 15 to 20 people from both the bride and bridegroom sides. This move has drastically reduced the total cost of the weddings and eased the burden of poverty-ridden families. This proves that Weddings can be performed simply in the right circumstances.

Weddings were supposed to be beautiful moments that symbolized the beginning of a journey that brought together two souls. Today, it is a 100,000-crore industry, which is growing at 25 to 30% annually. While I hold no judgment over anyone’s view of their dream wedding, when things go out of hand, perhaps it is time to re-look at the mockery that weddings have become. My whole argument is not against the celebration. Clearly, this ostentatious and vulgar display of wealth is causing more harm than good at a broader level.

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The big fat Indian wedding is set to become bigger and fatter this year

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MY STORY: I Attended My First Indian Wedding And It Was An Experience I’ll Never Forget!

There’s not much else that excites a foreigner in India quite like the thought of attending a Big Fat Indian Wedding.

T here’s not much else that excites a foreigner in India quite like the thought of attending a Big Fat Indian Wedding.

Ask any visitor to India to share their must-have experiences and I’m almost certain that attending an Indian wedding would appear in the top three. We want to learn about all the fascinating traditions, we want to dance to the best Hindi wedding songs, we want to dress up in Indian clothes, we want to taste the magnificent spread of food and we want to understand just how a wedding can last three days!

So you can imagine my excitement when, after only 3 weeks in India, I received my first official invite to attend an Indian wedding!!

The invitation came from a female cousin of my friend from London. My friend had connected the two of us when I first moved to India and although we had good intentions of meeting up, we hadn’t yet gotten around to doing so. So when she sent me a message saying, “ I’m getting married next week and I’m inviting you for it” —  after my initial reaction of jumping up and down with excitement I was touched to have received an invite despite never having met her face to face. And yet again I am reminded of the warmth and welcoming nature of India.

Sensing that I was way more excited than I probably should have been, she told me that it was going to be a small affair and said that unlike weddings in other states this was going to be relatively low-key. South Indian weddings, she explained, are a lot more ‘serious’ and tend to take place during the day so I shouldn’t expect a grand celebration.

She also confided that her husband-to-be’s parents would not be coming. I hesitated to ask why but quite openly and matter-of-factly she explained to me that they did not agree with their marriage. Upon study of her astrological sign, the parents had found her to be an unsuitable match for their son.

This was the first time I had heard anything like this and it caused me to reflect on how different attitudes are to marriage in India then what I am accustomed to in my own culture.

During the build up to the wedding day I was nervous and full of anticipation (anyone would think that it was my own!) I had so many questions. Would the family members think that I was gate-crashing their special day? Would I be welcome at such a personal family event? Would it be disrespectful if I took pictures? Do I look silly in my saree? Should I be showing my midriff? Is my gift appropriate? Is my gift enough? What if I do something disrespectful because I don’t know the traditions? What if I offend someone?? My mind was churning out all kinds of worries and fears.

So when the day finally came, I arrived quite early. Maybe it was the excitement that made me rush over, but the bride was still in her pyjamas. Great, I thought. I had always wondered how long it took for Indian brides to look so fabulous! Now I know that there is a reason for this and I needn’t have rushed over at all. I was amazed by just how much went into this part of the wedding alone.

The bride told me to do my makeup and I told her I had already done it. She laughed at me and said, “this is an Indian wedding, you haven’t done your makeup.” I still had a lot to learn.

Once the bride was ready she was whisked off straight away (all the guests had been waiting on her for about two hours by now) and the pujas (prayers) began. I wasn’t sure if photography was appropriate during the pujas , but once I saw everyone had their smartphones and cameras out eager not to miss a moment I quickly joined in.

I found all of the different traditions involving all different family members so fascinating. My favourite tradition didn’t come until a bit later on though when I was told to ‘steal the groom’s shoes.’ It was my good fortune to be on the bride’s side and so in order for the groom to get his shoes back he had to offer me some money. I had not expected to be receiving any money that day, especially not from the person getting married, and so at first I felt uncomfortable with this. But with an audience watching me and egging me on, I had a lot of fun attempting to barter a fair price for the groom’s shoes! I came away feeling proud of myself. (As well as a little richer!)

I had been pre-warned about the food at Indian weddings and was worried about how I was going to manage as my saree was already so tight.

I was afraid that if I ate anything it would burst straight off me! Of course, that worry disappeared as soon as I caught sight of the lunch spread. To hell with my outfit woes!  I thought. It all looked too amazing. The food was displayed buffet style with waiters at hand to serve you and it was an all-vegetarian affair. (Great for a veggie like me!)

When it comes to lines and queuing in India, I’ve become accustomed to the ‘get in fast or miss out’ general rule of thumb. I was relieved then to find that the line for a buffet seems to be the only line in Indian society that gets its due respect. Everyone took a plate and patiently waited whilst the diner in front got their fill. It was oddly satisfying to experience, like a breath of fresh air. I never thought I would appreciate waiting in a line!

Satisfied with my choices I sat down, set my plate on my lap and peered down at the mound of food before me. Usually I wouldn’t hesitate to eat with my hands, but the sheer scale of my portion daunted me. I was also aware that I was at a nice function and so I thought I had better show some courtesy and get a spoon at least or I could risk making a big mess.

I was about to get up in search of some weaponry to attack this ‘Mt. Everest’ of food when I realised that I had a dozen or so pair of eyes, eagerly watching me with baited breath for my next move. I could almost read what was burning in their eyes, what is she going to do? Is she going to use her hands? I knew I had two choices. I could get some cutlery, or I could just get stuck in. So I took off my ring, tied my hair back and got stuck in. I looked up to catch a breath to see all of those eyes relax into friendly smiles and enthusiastic head bobbles. Phew, I had made a good choice!

The other thing I liked about this wedding experience was that it was a dry wedding. No alcohol. I know that this is not how all Indian weddings are. Alcohol at weddings is not forbidden, it just depends on which state the families are from. Most weddings that I’ve been too in the UK have a free, open bar, which everyone takes full advantage of. It means, however, that the night usually ends with a member of one side of the family having too much to drink and starting an argument with someone from the other side. Basically, it’s not a wedding in the UK without some kind of family drama erupting. Coming with this experience of weddings, I was very relieved that alcohol was off the menu.

One of the highlights of the day was the dancing. Before my Indian wedding experience I considered myself to be a pretty decent dancer who was able to hold my own on any dance floor. It was the one aspect of the wedding that I wasn’t worried about. I was pretty confident that I’d easily pick up the moves and be fine.

Oh how wrong was I! The shaking of the shoulders, the winding of the hips, the flicking of the wrists, I just couldn’t keep up! I was well and truly out of my depth. My saving grace, however, was that not only did the family not laugh at me, but they were all so happy to teach me some new moves and rescue me in my time of need. Taking me under their wing, the self-consciousness I was feeling soon disappeared and I lost myself in the hypnotizing beats and rhythms of the pumping music.

I did learn another important lesson, however. No matter how good you think you can dance you will never be able to compete with Indians.

I think it’s a worldwide issue for younger generations in a family to be quizzed by the older generations at weddings about their marital status. Being an ‘outsider’ and not part of the family, I thought that at this wedding I would at least be safe from the questioning.

Once again I was wrong. Aunties in attendance were particularly interested in my marital status. Most seemed to be rather concerned for me that at almost 27 I had yet to be made a wife. I tried to explain that marriage had never really interested me personally and that in my country it’s very normal to be this age and unmarried. All of that, however, was lost in the language barrier and so I just had to accept the looks of sympathy and words of hope that they offered me and act like being unmarried upset me.

What I learnt from my first Indian wedding experience was that all my initial worries and fears were a complete waste of time. I was so well-looked after by everyone and guided through each stage of the wedding that it didn’t matter that for the most part I didn’t understand what was going on. I was made to feel at ease and free to enjoy the day.

What was also nice was that my attendance at the wedding seemed to be enjoyed by the family as much as I enjoyed it! I got the impression that the family were not only happy to have me as their guest, but they saw it as an honour to host me. Also, my presence seemed to add another level of entertainment to the day as I was totally unaware about the culture. I was so eager to get completely involved in every part and so the family had a lot of fun showing me how to do things and teaching me about their culture.

I can’t wait for my next Indian wedding experience. I’m silently wishing for it to be a Punjabi one as I’m told they are the biggest parties of them all!

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Not your big fat wedding: couples who opted to go green when getting married, many couples are setting an example, and standing true to their principles, more so on their special days..

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Earlier this year, Bengaluru-based naturopathic physician and nutritionist Dr Poorvi Bhat got married in a ‘zero-waste’ wedding that went viral on the internet. Opting for a traditional ceremony, Dr Bhat decided to forgo the hullabaloo of the big fat Indian wedding.

The result? An eco-friendly and green wedding that not only was more rooted and meaningful for the couple, but also ended up inspiring many more on the internet.

Weddings generate a lot of waste. That's not new information. Experts have previously estimated that a 'lavish' Indian wedding generates about 800 kgs of wet waste, and almost double that amount of dry waste. The good news, though, is that there are a few who want to set an example, and stand true to their principles, more so on their special days.

The Quint speaks to three people who had environment-friendly weddings.

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‘Going Back to Tradition, Not Innovating Something New’

When Dr Bhat was getting married, nothing that she did at her wedding felt to her like she was paving a path. Instead, to her, it was simply following the footsteps of her parents and their traditions. 

“When people were getting married 20-30 years ago, there wasn’t as much plastic as in today’s weddings. We were simply going back to tradition. We wanted to bring back the meaningfulness attached to these things.”

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Dr.Poorvi Bhat | Nutrition & Wellness (@herbeshwari)

And so, planning an eco-friendly wedding came very naturally to Dr Bhat. She got married at her family’s farm under a sugarcane mandap , since sugarcane is grown locally in the area. After the festivities, the sugarcane was fed to the cows at the farm.

Raghav Chakravarthy, a Bengaluru-based entrepreneur, held his wedding in an open venue during the day to reduce the need for electricity and energy. He also booked a venue close to a metro station and encouraged people to use it to reach the location.

Mudit Agarwal, Founder of The Event House – an event management company that’s organised several eco-friendly weddings – tells The Quint that daytime weddings are becoming more popular lately.

“They allow us to utilise natural light, reducing the need for artificial lighting and lowering emissions,” says Agarwal. 

Both Dr Bhat and Chakravarthy made some smaller conscious decisions, too. At Dr Bhat’s wedding, the water from the handwashing area was directed to the fields. Waste segregation after the ceremony and donating leftover food to old age and charity homes was a big part of Chakravarthy’s wedding.

Chakravarthy also decided not to get any invitation cards printed and had a small 10-minute secular vow exchanging ceremony so that no waste is generated during the wedding rituals. Another small step he mentions is using reusable cloth napkins, which he then donated to be used in other weddings.

Geeta S, who works in the social sector, decided to get married in an ashram in Haridwar. For her, the planning of a green wedding started with opting for a dharamshala instead of a hotel, with the intent of choosing options that were generating much less waste. Her husband also opted for a ‘no- ghodi ’ (no horse) and ‘no-firecrackers’ baraat .

Geeta tells The Quint that not having a ghodi didn't put a damper on any of the fun, because people loved dancing to the dhol beats anyway. But for the couple, it was a very important factor because they wanted to stand true to their values and not cause harm to any animals, which they would have no matter how consciously they would have tried to avoid it, she says.

All of them gave saplings as return gifts to their guests. 

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‘Plastic Cups & Water Bottles Are the Biggest Waste Generators’

There’s another thing that all of them did.

Dr Bhat, Chakravarthy, and Geeta all had decided that their weddings would minimise plastic use and waste as much as they could. So, all of them had reusable steel cutlery at their wedding, steel utensils, and water coolers to refill their steel cups. They opted for these rather than the glass or more fancy cutlery that might break and produce waste unpredictably.

They tell The Quint that through wedding planning, they came to the realisation that single-use plastic water bottles are the “BIGGEST WASTE GENERATOR EVER.”

So, all these weddings had a strict no paper, no plastic cups, and no plastic water bottles rule. In fact, Chakravarthy even asked his guests to bring their own water bottles if they could. And he got steel tumblers kept at the venue filled with water. 

Instead, they invested in other things to ensure that even in an eco-friendly wedding, hygiene is not one area that gets compromised. Dr Bhat even rented out an autoclave machine.

Another major generator of waste at weddings is the decoration. So, for Dr Bhat, the way to go was minimalism. For her wedding awning ( chapras ), she decided to use coconut tree branches and erica trees from her farm. 

Chakravarthy also had the same learning, which is why he recycled all the flower decorations from his wedding. 

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Are Eco Weddings Also More Economical?

Eco-friendly weddings can also be economical if you plan them with careful thought. For instance, Geeta booked the wedding vendors locally – from the florists to the caterers to the decorator.

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Geeta S. Kushal (@the_thoughtful_akka)

The only slightly expensive part was renting utensils – but, Dr Bhat explains, that in comparison to individual water bottles and caterer-owned cutlery, these were competitively priced too.

Chakravarthy, on the other hand, says that skipping physical invitation cards was a big save, as was hiring a waste management vendor, and avoiding the use of lights during the day. 

But ask them why they opted for eco-friendly weddings, and money was the last considered factor for all of them.

Geeta tells The Quint , “We disregarded big fat weddings, for the kind of message it gives from nature’s perspective. It wasn’t exactly planned as a zero-waste wedding, but a green wedding. Conscious weddings are easier said than done. But it’s all about doing things in one’s own capacity considering the planet.”

“Eco-friendly weddings are generally more economical, as long as you spend wisely. By focusing on what truly matters and making thoughtful choices, you can create a fulfilling and engaging event without overspending. However, certain eco-friendly options, like sustainable venue choices, organic catering, or custom-made attire from ethical designers, may come at a premium.”

However, that doesn’t mean they didn’t face challenges.

Communicating to guests why there was no plastic usage was a headache, as was explaining the same to vendors, especially when it’s super convenient to just give in.

Sourcing cloth napkins, utensils, and constantly learning and relearning waste generation was challenging too, they say.

But at the end of the day, it was what helped them derive the most joy from their event.

However, Agarwal does say that the demand for sustainable weddings isn’t widespread yet. There are some couples who want to actively make conscious changes, while there are some who do consider suggestions made by wedding planners too.

As a wedding planner, Agarwal has some suggestions too. Opt for venues that are close to home or within the city to minimise fuel consumption and reduce transportation-related emissions. Use paper-based props. Have potted plants as centerpieces, which can make for sustainable gifts later too. Choose seasonal flowers. Combine multiple events into a single ceremony.

As Chakravarthy puts it,

“It’s not very convenient to do the right thing. But it can be extremely special and meaningful.”

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