compare and contrast essay married and single life

Single Life vs. Married Life Essay

The growth of human beings is a natural process that entails various stages from infancy, childhood, adolescence/teenage, adulthood, and old age. People undergo various life experiences, which could be universal or individual. When one reaches adulthood or the maturity stage, one makes personal decisions about life. For instance, they choose what they prefer: single life vs. married life. Some consider that a single life is better than a married life. Yet, lacking a relationship entails having nobody close to you to share your personal life with. Meanwhile, living a married life entails being with a special individual in life (husband or wife) to deal with various problems (Puciato et al., 2022). There are various advantages and disadvantages that could be drawn from these relationship statuses, and this essay gives an in-depth discussion of the issue.

In a single life, everything that revolves around an individual is under the individual’s control, and there are no considerations of others before making a decision in regard to home or other personal matters. All the successes and fall downs of single persons are only of concern to them. There is a lot of privacy and freedom, including financial freedom (Gesselman et al., 2019). The reason is that these individuals own their lives wholly and do not have to be accountable to anybody else. Still, singlehood is viewed negatively as a form of immorality and a person is perceived to be avoiding commitments associated with marriage at the expense of perpetrating immorality in the name of freedom (Puciato et al., 2022). The choice between living a single or a married life is usually personal, although some may be forced by circumstances, for instance, being single due to lack of a suitable partner or being forced to marry according to customs.

Married life, on the other hand, entails some aspects of compromise where one has to consider the partner’s opinion in regard to an issue before making a decision, no matter how personal it may seem to be. It also involves a lot of sharing, for example, time and other resources, with the family members (husband/wife and children). There are various benefits accrued to a married life, for instance, having someone to share one’s achievements and difficulties, to love and get love from as well as comfort and emotional tie that could be missing in a single life (Puciato et al., 2022). There is also an advantage of pooled income, especially where both partners work. However, married life requires an extra effort to keep it working unlike the single life that does not have any form of commitment. It is also considered a healthy relationship that avoids health problems like heart attacks brought about by life pressures as a result of lack of a person to share personal issues with.

In summary, the general differences that exist between a single and a married life are companionship, responsibility, and lifestyle. Most societies advocate for marriage life with their arguments being based on the bible, that life should be shared between two people, and the benefits therein such as having a happy life composed of children. Both single and married lifestyles have benefits and drawbacks especially when they are viewed from the angle of the attributes involved for example freedom, companionship as well as cost/efforts. All the benefits enjoyed by a single or a married individual are not without a price and hence one cannot clearly state the lifestyle that is better than the other and the decision is, therefore, personal depending on how one takes it.

Gesselman, A. N., Franco, C. Y., Brogdon, E. M., Gray, P. B., Garcia, J. R., & Fisher, H. E. (2019). Perceptions of married life among single never‐married, single ever‐married, and married adults . Personal Relationships , 26(4), 586-601.

Puciato, D., Rozpara, M., Bugdol, M., & Mróz-Gorgoń, B. (2022). Socio-economic correlates of quality of life in single and married urban individuals: A Polish case study . Health and Quality of Life Outcomes , 20(58), 1-12.

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• Of Marriage and Single Life

Of Marriage and Single Life by Francis Bacon Summary & Analysis

In this essay, Bacon draws a comparison between marriage and single life. He gives an account of merits and demerits of a married and a bachelor’s life. Bacon starts with a sudden statement,

“He that hath wife and children hath given hostages to fortunes”.

The statement clearly depicts that marriage is an impediment to great fortune and luck. Bacon supports his argument by telling a fact that the most of the best work that helps society at a greater scale is done by non-married or childless men. In response, these bachelors married public and endowed their affections and life to it.

On the flipside of the coin, those who are married, have greater care of future of their family. Their minds always revolve around the economic stability of their home. They usually spend their time by making both ends meet. If one has a stable frugal position, he cares to make his and his family’s life as luxurious as he can.

Sparing these two kinds, there is another kind of men. Those who are unmarried yet, they spend their lives caring about themselves. They are not apprehensive of future time; they are not even meticulous about it.

There is another kind that thinks that their wife and children are just bills of charges. They consider them as sources of expenses. On the contrary, there are some greedy and covetous men that take pride in having no children. They think that they are rich because of the absence of the children. For example, if they hear a talk about two persons, one is rich and other is not, they consider the presence of children as abatement in richness of the second person.

Bacon then, describes the chief aftermath of a single life, which is liberty. Single life is suitable for those who are self-pleasing and humorous minds. For those who consider their girdles and garters as bonds and shackles, single life is the only suitable choice.

Furthermore, Bacon declares,

“Unmarried men are best friends, best masters, best servants; but not always best subjects”.

The very reason behind their loyalty as best friend is that they have experience of being loyal to their family. Moreover, they are the best masters because , they have already been commanding their family. They are not good subjects because usually, they donot have any major subject to discuss with others except their family’s problems.

The Bachelors are good in perspectives of charity because they have less expenses. Whereas, married men have to fill their own pool first, then, they move towards charity. It is indifferent for judges and magistrates because of their corruption. They shall have a servant, five times worse than a wife.

Bacon says that there are generals among military, who with their hortatives(speeches made for encouragement) put disdain about marriage in the minds of the soldiers. According to Bacon, this is the reason behind the Turks soldiers that they are base. The writer also supports the fact that ‘wife and children are a kind of discipline of humanity’. On the other hand, single men are cruel and hard hearted because in jobs’ perspectives they don’t care about their tenderness.

The husbands who are grave natured led by customs are mostly loving husbands. On the contrary, the wives who are chaste are often proud as presuming upon the merit of their chastity. As ‘Of Marriage and Single Life’ depicts,

“Chaste women are often proud and forward”.

However, in Bacon’s view, the best wife is the one who has the blend of chastity and obedience. Bacon pays tribute to wives by saying,“Wives are young men’s mistresses; companions for middle age; and old men’s nurses”.

In the last few verses of the essay, in a humorous way, the writer answers the question of the men who are ambiguous that when they should marry ? He says,

“A young man not yet, an elder man not at all”.

At the end of the essay, Bacon tells a fact that bad husbands, usually, have very good wives. These wives have a high price of their husband’s kindness because it comes seldom. Moreover, these wives take pride in their patience upon their husbands’ bad behavior. However, if these bad husbands were given choice of their own selection in marriage, they would make themselves fool because they would select a wife who would match their own behavior.

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Of Marriage and Single Life | Summary and Analysis

Summary of of marrige and single life by francis bacon.

Of Marriage and Single Life is an essay written by Sir Francis Bacon, a popular English philosopher and statesman. In “Of Marriage and Single Life”, Bacon has compared and contrasted the life of a married man with that of a single man, drawing a contrast between the two by highligting he merits and demerits of the institution of marriage as it prevailed in the society. First published in 1612, as a part of “ Essayes: Religious Meditations. Places of Perswasion and Disswasion. Seene and Allowed.” , this essay presents Bacon’s views and opinions on marriage and singlehood along with arguments and theories to support them. Famous for his prose and credited with inventing the essay form, Bacon sought these essays as a medium to express his philosophy on topics inspired by both public and private life of man. His style is quite argumentative and he rationalises each thought with ample justifications and logics.

Bacon begins the essay by stating that the commitment of marriage renders a man incapable of pursuing any great deeds, whether good or bad, noble or wicked. The responsibilities of married life could prove it difficult for him to work towards achieving success. Marriage brings with it the burden of family; of wife and children, which acts as a deterrent for those who want to achieve great feats. History indicates that all the best works, especially those aiming towards public welfare and greater good of the society, have been undertaken by single men because only they, owing to absence of any other commitment in their life, are capable of complete devotion to the public. It seems that they, for all intents and purposes, have married the society which they aim to serve with utmost dedication.

Married men, especially those having children, harbour great care and concern for the future and direct all their efforts towards securing a better tomorrow for their family. The responsibility of taking care of the family provides them with the will and incentive to work with utmost sincerity and dedication towards securing a better future for their children.

There, however, also exist some single men who do not think much about anything apart from their own selves and display no concern towards the future. They work only for their own welfare and show no willingness to work towards making the society better for the generations to come.

Then there are others who think of family merely as a burden, an expense which they have to bear.

There also exist certain individuals, belonging to the rich category, who believe that not having children makes them wealthier and thus pride themselves on their lack of children. Such thoughts might be fuelled by their fear of distributing their riches amongst their heirs when they heard people comment that so and so is a great, rich man but has to bear the burden of children which might have caused these people to think of procreation as a hindrance to fortune.

However, Bacon says, the most common reason behind men choosing to be single is the freedom promised by a single life. Such men are averse to even the slightest restriction and thus, marriage, which brings with it various responsibilities and commitments, is not preferable to them. These unmarried men, liberated from any kind of commitment, prove to be the best friends, masters and servants. They, however, do not make for the best citizens due to their tendency to shun responsibilities and often turn out to be fugitives.

As per Bacon, single life is best suited to the members of the clergy as in absence of any personal commitments, they are able to serve the society with utmost dedication and commitment. As regards the men of justice- the judges and magistrates, marriage does not make much of a difference in their duties. They can choose to remain indifferent on this because if they themselves are corrupt and immoral, and lack sincerity towards their work, they are no less than an unmarried man. They should display honesty and responsibility in their dealings, regardless of their marital status. Even marriage cannot instil responsibility in such callous men. Bacon further comments that marriage, and family, prove to be a source of inspiration for the soldiers, who are often made to think of the safety of their wife and children as they fight battles. Marriage provides these soldiers an emotional support system that motivates them and gives them courage. This is why Bacon believes that the aversion of Turks towards marriage is the reason behind the barbarism of their soldiers.

Elaborating further on this, Bacon asserts that marriage is important to instil a sense of discipline among men and keep in check the wild, animalistic tendencies of their nature and impede their ruthlessness. Single men have the capacity to be more charitable since no one is dependent upon them, allowing them to engage in the welfare of others without any worry of providing for their wife and children. But despite this, they prove to be quite unsympathetic and ruthless in their behaviour, their kindness and empathy seldom being invoked in the absence of family to bring out their emotional and moral side. Thus, men who display sincerity and always abide by traditions make very loving husbands as can be seen in the case of Ulysses, the Greek hero who chose his wife over perpetuity.

Adding to this thought, he says that women often pride themselves on their chastity and are more likely to maintain this purity and obedience towards the relation of marriage if their husband too showers her with care and affection and refrains from any kind of jealousy. A wife serves many roles in a man’s life- in his youth she acts as his beloved, the object of his ardours, during his middle age she accompanies him as a faithful companion and in his old age looks after his wellbeing like a devoted nurse. Thus, women, and marriage, complete the life of men, providing for them at every stage of their life. Therefore, men should not shy from marriage but rather welcome it by choice. Bacon however agrees that it is a daunting task to determine the correct age to get married and sees this as a very difficult question to answer. He nevertheless attempts to answer it by quoting a wise man who said that while a young man should not rush to marry, the old men should refrain from marrying at all, suggesting perhaps that one should keep in consideration all the pros and cons of marriage before making his decision. Bacon further remarks that it is seen that men who have very good wives, are often quite cruel themselves. They fail to appreciate the generosity of their wives and do not value their commitment to them. Owing to this insensitivity displayed by them, the wives start to value even the meanest of their efforts. They find satisfaction with whatever small bit of love they show and take pride in their forbearance of their husband’s bad behaviour. Having said that, Bacon states that if they were to be given the freedom of choice, these men would surely try to make amends and mend their ways. While Bacon shares the gender bias of his era, he also seems to be aware of  the unequal power relations between men and women of his age.

Overall, Bacon has very beautifully put forth his opinions on marriage, citing its pros and cons, and has succeeded in establishing a juxtaposition between married and single life. The language used is very sophisticated and all the thoughts expressed in this prose have been supported with adequate arguments and reasoning, as is characteristic of Bacon’s style. Covering all the facets of the topic, he presents a well-balanced and holistic view on it.

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Compare Single Life to Married Life Essay

Introduction.

Both married life and single life have their disadvantages and advantages. The difference between them is the extent to which the pros outweigh the cons. Based on my opinion, I would prefer single life to married life.  

Freedom (Responsibility)

Single people enjoy more freedom as compared to married couples (Cox 177). This is because in single life, individuals live their lives as they please, and consult no one on anything. In married life however, the couple is accountable for one another and consultation is a must. Besides, individuals in single life can go out with their friends whenever, but married people have to ask their partners if they concur with the idea of going out. Single people do not have time limitations since they make their program on the basis of what they want, whereas married people have to fix their partners in their plans. Nobody gives single people commands on what to and not do. On the other hand, married people bother each other on what to and not do. For example, a man may wish to hang out in a night club with his friend. In single life this is a one man decision, which is contrary to married life where the man has to consult the wife so she does not feel neglected being left alone in the house. 

Additionally, people in single life are only responsible for themselves while married people have to be accountable for their partners. Unlike married people who think about their children and partners, single people only have to think about themselves. As such, you may find a single person decorating their homes or venturing in things that only reflect who they are, whereas married people have to consider the image of their partners and/or children. Single people live their lives as an adventure, and they explore almost everything that comes their way. Married people on the other hand, are restricted and can only do what they agree on with their partners. In single life, individuals live alone, and their life is that simple. Contrary, married people live as a husband and wife with children, and their lives are not as easy.    

It can be said that freedom and lack of numerous responsibilities in single life are linked to better health. Factors that may result in health related issues including countless responsibilities, tolerating moody and nagging partners, and misunderstanding with the other spouse are not present in single life. Single people also take precaution regarding their health as they know that they lack a spouse to assist them. In single life, one has increased time to take part in various activities such as exercises. This assist one to remain fit thus, preventing weight gain, and other related disorders. A survey carried out in 2011 showed that sinlge people have a low likelihood of gaining weight as compared to married people (Cox 180). Going out with friends and having fun is a characristic of single life which is linked with better health. On the other hand, married life is full of responsibilities, misunderstandings and these may result in health related conditions such as stress. For instance, when a mother is required to take care of his partner, children, and work at the same time may subject her to emotional stress. In case of a bad marriage, couples are subjected to various conditions including cardiac death, depression, as well as other chronic diseases.  Furthermore, due to the numerous responsibilities involved, married people lack time to engage in exercises and this has been evidenced to result in weight gain. 

Financially

In single life, a person is able to enjoy financial freedom unlike in married life. Single persons spend their finances how they want without seeking the opinion of another person, who may get angry. However, single people are required to cover solely all their living expenses but such expenses are usually low. In single life, one is soley liable for his/her own debt. This means that single people would do all they can to stay out of debts. On the contrary, there is no financial freedom in married people. Before making a decision on how to spend the finance, a spouse has to consult his/her partner in order to get their opinions. In some instances, such opinions may differ resulting to misunderstanding. Certainly, married people cannot use their money the way they desire as this may upset their spouse. There is less financial burden in married life as financial resources are pooled together, but there are also numerous living expenses to take care of (Cox 178). In married life, when one party involves him/herself in debts the other spouse becomes fully liable. This may be inconveniencing especially for those spouses who like involving themselves in debts without consulting their partners. Getting married is expensive, and such costs may amplify incase of a divorce. 

From the discussion, it is true to say that single life is better as compared to married life. Single life is linked with more freedom, fewer responsibilities, better health, and financial freedom. On the other hand, married life requires a spouse to consult with his/her partner in all activities.

Home — Essay Samples — Life — Marriage — Research To Compare Cohabiting, Being Married, And Being Single

Research to Compare Cohabiting, Being Married, and Being Single

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Summary of Of Marrige and Single Life by Francis Bacon

Of Marriage and Single Life is an essay written by Sir Francis Bacon, a popular English philosopher and statesman. In “Of Marriage and Single Life”, Bacon has compared and contrasted the life of a married man with that of a single man, drawing a contrast between the two by highligting he merits and demerits of the institution of marriage as it prevailed in the society. First published in 1612, as a part of “  Essayes: Religious Meditations. Places of Perswasion and Disswasion. Seene and Allowed.” , this essay presents Bacon’s views and opinions on marriage and singlehood along with arguments and theories to support them. Famous for his prose and credited with inventing the essay form, Bacon sought these essays as a medium to express his philosophy on topics inspired by both public and private life of man. His style is quite argumentative and he rationalises each thought with ample justifications and logic.

Of Marriage and Single Life | Summary and Analysis

Bacon begins the essay by stating that the commitment of marriage renders a man incapable of pursuing any great deeds, whether good or bad, noble or wicked. The responsibilities of married life could prove it difficult for him to work towards achieving success. Marriage brings with it the burden of family; of wife and children, which acts as a deterrent for those who want to achieve great feats. History indicates that all the best works, especially those aiming towards public welfare and greater good of the society, have been undertaken by single men because only they, owing to absence of any other commitment in their life, are capable of complete devotion to the public. It seems that they, for all intents and purposes, have married the society which they aim to serve with utmost dedication.

Married men, especially those having children, harbour great care and concern for the future and direct all their efforts towards securing a better tomorrow for their family. The responsibility of taking care of the family provides them with the will and incentive to work with utmost sincerity and dedication towards securing a better future for their children.

There, however, also exist some single men who do not think much about anything apart from their own selves and display no concern towards the future. They work only for their own welfare and show no willingness to work towards making the society better for the generations to come.

Then there are others who think of family merely as a burden, an expense which they have to bear.

There also exist certain individuals, belonging to the rich category, who believe that not having children makes them wealthier and thus pride themselves on their lack of children. Such thoughts might be fuelled by their fear of distributing their riches amongst their heirs when they heard people comment that so and so is a great, rich man but has to bear the burden of children which might have caused these people to think of procreation as a hindrance to fortune.

However, Bacon says, the most common reason behind men choosing to be single is the freedom promised by a single life. Such men are averse to even the slightest restriction and thus, marriage, which brings with it various responsibilities and commitments, is not preferable to them. These unmarried men, liberated from any kind of commitment, prove to be the best friends, masters and servants. They, however, do not make for the best citizens due to their tendency to shun responsibilities and often turn out to be fugitives.

As per Bacon, single life is best suited to the members of the clergy as in absence of any personal commitments, they are able to serve the society with utmost dedication and commitment. As regards the men of justice- the judges and magistrates, marriage does not make much of a difference in their duties. They can choose to remain indifferent on this because if they themselves are corrupt and immoral, and lack sincerity towards their work, they are no less than an unmarried man. They should display honesty and responsibility in their dealings, regardless of their marital status. Even marriage cannot instil responsibility in such callous men. Bacon further comments that marriage, and family, prove to be a source of inspiration for the soldiers, who are often made to think of the safety of their wife and children as they fight battles. Marriage provides these soldiers an emotional support system that motivates them and gives them courage. This is why Bacon believes that the aversion of Turks towards marriage is the reason behind the barbarism of their soldiers.

Elaborating further on this, Bacon asserts that marriage is important to instil a sense of discipline among men and keep in check the wild, animalistic tendencies of their nature and impede their ruthlessness. Single men have the capacity to be more charitable since no one is dependent upon them, allowing them to engage in the welfare of others without any worry of providing for their wife and children. But despite this, they prove to be quite unsympathetic and ruthless in their behaviour, their kindness and empathy seldom being invoked in the absence of family to bring out their emotional and moral side. Thus, men who display sincerity and always abide by traditions make very loving husbands as can be seen in the case of Ulysses, the Greek hero who chose his wife over perpetuity.

Adding to this thought, he says that women often pride themselves on their chastity and are more likely to maintain this purity and obedience towards the relation of marriage if their husband too showers her with care and affection and refrains from any kind of jealousy. A wife serves many roles in a man’s life- in his youth she acts as his beloved, the object of his ardours, during his middle age she accompanies him as a faithful companion and in his old age looks after his wellbeing like a devoted nurse. Thus, women, and marriage, complete the life of men, providing for them at every stage of their life. Therefore, men should not shy from marriage but rather welcome it by choice. Bacon however agrees that it is a daunting task to determine the correct age to get married and sees this as a very difficult question to answer. He nevertheless attempts to answer it by quoting a wise man who said that while a young man should not rush to marry, the old men should refrain from marrying at all, suggesting perhaps that one should keep in consideration all the pros and cons of marriage before making his decision. Bacon further remarks that it is seen that men who have very good wives, are often quite cruel themselves. They fail to appreciate the generosity of their wives and do not value their commitment to them. Owing to this insensitivity displayed by them, the wives start to value even the meanest of their efforts. They find satisfaction with whatever small bit of love they show and take pride in their forbearance of their husband’s bad behaviour. Having said that, Bacon states that if they were to be given the freedom of choice, these men would surely try to make amends and mend their ways. While Bacon shares the gender bias of his era, he also seems to be aware of  the unequal power relations between men and women of his age.

Overall, Bacon has very beautifully put forth his opinions on marriage, citing its pros and cons, and has succeeded in establishing a juxtaposition between married and single life. The language used is very sophisticated and all the thoughts expressed in this prose have been supported with adequate arguments and reasoning, as is characteristic of Bacon’s style. Covering all the facets of the topic, he presents a well-balanced and holistic view on it.

Litmarked : Bookmarked by Students.

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• Relationships

Married to Two People: The Romantic Life of Widows

Widows fall in love, but the relationship is typically a complex relationship..

Posted May 14, 2024 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

• Why Relationships Matter
• Find a therapist to strengthen relationships
• Most widows maintained continuing bonds with their deceased husbands, whereas few of them severed these bonds.
• Emotional loneliness, rather than social loneliness, is the most common change after spousal bereavement.
• Widows must manage a unique romantic breakup, which involves a final physical, but not a psychological bond.

“As a widow, I highly recommend people date me too!” —A widow

Widows can fall in love, but the relationship is often a complex ‘three hearts relationship’, where one partner is physically absent, but psychologically present.

Can a Widow Love Two People at Once?

“ The hardest thing to understand was how the widow I’m dating could still love him and start to love me . I felt like I was always being compared to him. ” —A man

Is the human heart large enough to fall in love with more than one person? It is indeed: we can love one person, then shortly after fall in love with another, as well as having two lovers at the same time. A widow’s love, however, is more complex, given the continuing impact of bereavement , even years after death occurs. This is due both to our tendency to idealize the past and an unwillingness to speak ill of the dead. Because of this, love toward the deceased spouse can in fact increase, challenging the strength of love toward the current partner. Nevertheless, we are blessed with a large and flexible loving heart that can accommodate several people at once.

In the popular movie, Dona Flor and Her Two Husbands , Vadinho, Dona’s husband, drops dead while dancing at a street carnival party. Vadinho was a great lover but a terrible husband, who stole Dona’s savings. Dona meets the respectable but dull pharmacist Teodoro. On the anniversary of Vadinho's death, Vadinho reappears to Dona in the nude, claiming that she has called him to "share her bed" with him. Only Dona can see and hear the nude spirit of Vadinho. Dona at first protests, but after Vadinho laughs at Teodoro’s poor performance in bed, she gives in and lives happily with both husbands.

Living With the Loss of a Spouse

“ Second love is different, but it’s very good. I will always love and miss my late husband. It’s really hard to understand how I can go from tears for my late husband into smiling and thinking about my new guy. I love both of them, the one here and the one gone .”—A widow

Widows can fall in love in a profound way, but their romantic relationships might be multifaceted since their hearts belong to two lovers. A study of remarried military widows over three decades following their first husbands’ deaths, by Rachel Dekel and colleagues (2022), revealed that most of the women maintained continuing bonds with their deceased husbands, whereas few of them severed these bonds. The second husband played a major role, resulting in varying boundaries drawn, from strict to blurred, between the first and the second marriages. The remarried widows who succeeded in maintaining continuing bonds with the deceased spouse reported feeling a good sense of well-being and positive marital relationships. Here, grief is a complex process with dynamic boundaries between relationships. Dekel and colleagues discern three major groups regarding the attitudes of current partners toward their bonds with the deceased husband: Mutual agreement to maintain the continuing bonds; mutual agreement to sever these bonds; and disagreement regarding continuing bonds. The first attitude is the most common. Here are several notable examples of attitudes expressed by widows in their study:

• " I am part of my late husband’s family and I am not going to leave them ."
• “ My first husband always exists in my heart and is always in the background. But he is not an obstacle between us .
• “I felt that in order to get over the loss , I had to distance myself from the memory of my first husband .”
• “ My current husband is not willing to live in the shadow of my first husband and he doesn’t want my first husband to play a role in our lives . And although it disturb s me, I respect his request .” (Dekel et al., 2022).

Another study compares the issues facing bereaved and nonbereaved women when they enter new relationships after a long-term one has ended. The bereaved experienced themselves as having changed more, but the nonbereaved reported the changes they experienced as more positive. The growth experienced by the nonbereaved is likely to be less conflicted, and while the bereaved experience such growth, it lags behind that of their counterparts (Bar-Nadav & Rubin, 2016).

Various studies indicate that remarriage is usually beneficial for widows. Thus, one study suggests that widows who had remarried had higher household incomes and worried less about finances than widows who did not remarry (Moorman et al., 2006). Remaining active and engaged in activities that provide a purpose is helpful in managing grief. Dating a new person may help people reaffirm their self-esteem and provide validation that they are attractive and worthy of love. Indeed, another study indicates that an increase in emotional loneliness , rather than social loneliness and depression , is the most commonly observed change after spousal bereavement. Emotional loneliness refers to the absence of intimate relationships, whereas social loneliness is the absence of an engaging social network (Szabó et al., 2020)

How Soon Should Widows Fall in Love Again?

“ Well-meaning people would say things like, "Well, you don't look like a widow . It was as if people thought widowhood would transform me into an old hag. ” —Amy Morin

Even if the obstacles to being with a new lover are resolved, widows still face a tangled set of dilemmas to navigate. These include the proper period for grieving, whether and when to take off their wedding ring, when to begin dating, when to give away their late partner’s belongings, how to dress for various occasions, how often to talk about the past and what loving gestures toward their new lover can be shown in public. As widows tend to be judged critically, sensitivity, careful pacing, and moderation are in order. A widow dating a married man will unfairly be subject to greater criticism than a divorced or single woman; after all, she "should know better" what it means to lose a spouse. Like Julius Caesar’s wife, widows are expected to be “above suspicion” ( Ben-Ze’ev, 2019 , and here ).

A major difference between the divorced and widowed is the starting point. While many divorced describe their divorce as the best thing that has happened to them, widows consider the partner’s death as a most painful event. Divorce can open new horizons for divorcees whereas a spouse’s death closes a most meaningful horizon for widows. Nevertheless, widows do fall in love, though far more slowly than divorced women. Searching for a new partner might not begin for months or years after the death of a spouse, whereas some individuals who get divorced begin searching for new partners prior to separation, without waiting for divorce. Those who are widowed remarry slower than those who are divorced at about a 50% reduced rate and have a reduced likelihood of remarrying (Watkins & Waldron, 2017).

Widows often fall in love with their late partner’s best friend within a short time after the partner’s death. Speaking from personal experience, my brother married the widow (with two children) of my late older brother. This is a reasonable response to intense loss, when a supportive friend is the most natural person in the world to be with and share our grief.

Concluding remarks

“ Death ends a life, not a relationship .” —Mitch Albom

Widows manage a unique romantic breakup, which involves a final physical, but not psychological bond. The breakup is unwelcome and irreversible and the surviving partner might still be in love with her late spouse. Different people do various things under such circumstances. Although it is often better to find a new lover than give up on the search for a new love, this option is not always possible. Widows may fall in love again, but the deceased partner will always be in the background. For widows and widowers, there will always be room for two loves.

Bar-Nadav, O., and S. S. Rubin. 2016. Love and bereavement. OMEGA—Journal of Death and Dying 74:62–79.

Ben-Ze’ev, A. (2019). The arc of love . How our romantic lives change over time . University of Chicago Press.

Dekel, R., Shorer, S., & Nuttman‐Shwartz, O. (2022). Living with spousal loss: Continuing bonds and boundaries in remarried widows’ marital relationships. Family process , 61 , 674-688.

Moorman, S. M., Booth, A., & Fingerman, K. L. (2006). Women’s romantic relationships after widowhood. Journal of Family Issues , 27 , 1281-1304.‏

Szabó , Á., Kok, A. A., Beekman, A. T., & Huisman, M. (2020). Longitudinal examination of emotional functioning in older adults after spousal bereavement. The Journals of Gerontology: Series B , 75 , 1668-1678.

Watkins, N. K., & Waldron, M. (2017). Timing of remarriage among divorced and widowed parents. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage , 58 , 244-262.

Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., former President of the University of Haifa, is a professor of philosophy. His books include The Arc of Love: How Our Romantic Lives Change Over Time.

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